01x12 - Like Father, Like Son?

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn on the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up in
the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
it's you and me, baby ♪

♪ Ain't nothin'
wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece of the pie ♪♪

Hey, man, what kind
of tailor are you?

Look, I know I said
I'd pick it up myself,

But something's
come up and I can't.

So you're just
gonna have to deliver.

Hey, look, man, I don't
care how busy you are.

I need that tuxedo, and
I need it by 5:00 today.

I already told you, I
can't make it downtown.

Because I got to stay home
and take care of my sick mother.

Yeah. She's got a
temperature of 103.

Lionel! Hey, man, you hear that?

You just made me
wake up my sick mother.

Who are you talking to? I'll
be with you in just a sec, mom.

Look, man, now, you
better deliver today,

Otherwise I'm gonna stop
payment on the check, you dig?

So unless if you can find another
dude who's shaped exactly like me,

You're gonna be
stuck with a tuxedo.

Oh, you will deliver today?

Well, I certainly appreciate
your cooperation.

Yeah, thank you very
much and have a good day.

Lionel, I thought you didn't need
that tuxedo until saturday night.

That's right. Why did you tell
the store you needed it today?

That's just business, mom.
Sometimes you got to make them jump.

I mean, if you don't holler,
they won't know you're there.

You sound just like your father.

Oh, thanks, mom.

I didn't mean it as a
compliment. What'd I do wrong?

You were very rude to that man.

Did you have to
yell at him like that?

It's the squeaky wheel
that gets the grease.

Just make sure you don't get run
over by your own greasy wheel.

Hi, weez.

Oh, george, I'm glad you're
home. I've got to talk to you.

Fine. Is there something bothering
you? That's what husbands are for.

I mean, if you want someone
to talk to, you always got me.

So whatever it is, just
name it and I'm ready to listen.

Well, i... But not now. I
had a rough morning.

It's about lionel.

How's the coffee?
You sure? It's hot.

Ow! Next time,
you'll believe me.

What about lionel?

He was on the phone just
now, shouting at the tailor...

To deliver his tuxedo two
days before he needed it.

What's wrong with that?

He conned the man into promising
he'll deliver it by 5:00 tonight.

Right on. He said he
couldn't pick it up himself...

Because he had to take
care of his sick mother!

Oh, I'm sorry, weezy.
You ain't feelin' good?

George, this is serious. Your
son was pushy, loud and rude.

Is the guy gonna deliver
the tuxedo? Yes, but...

That's my boy!
That's not my boy.

Look, weezy, you got to be that
way to get by in that jungle out there.

So stop arguing
and get my lunch.

It's your jungle, george.
Get your own coconut!

Hey, look, I'm sorry, weezy.
Look, if you're that upset...

And it's that much of a
problem, let's talk about it.

Well, hallelujah. I finally
got through to you.

I thought I had to take
a number and wait in line.

Look, I don't mean to
come on so strong, weezy,

But you got to
know that's my way.

You got to remember, I had to claw
and scratch my way up the ladder.

There he goes again. Half the
time, I didn't even have no ladder.

I know, but it's
different with lionel.

He's had advantages
that you've never had.

Yeah, like an elevator.

George, what I'm saying is,

There's no need for lionel
to behave the way you did.

He's doing okay without that.

But okay is not good
enough for a jefferson.

Okay is only okay for tall
blond kids with blue eyes.

That's terrible. It sure is.

I meant what you said.

Look, weezy, let's face it.
Lionel is gonna have to fight...

For everything he
gets, just like I did.

It's part of our black heritage.

It's called "chutzpah."

Chutzpah? That's a jewish word.

So was "ghetto" till
we got ahold of it.

Hey, pop. Hey,
lionel, how you doin'?

- All right.
- Hold it, lionel.

George, don't you have
something to say to him?

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.
Lionel, I got something for you.

Hey, pop, a chronometer.
Hey, that's hip.

Not a chronometer.
The chronometer.

The one we saw in the window,
walkin' down fifth avenue.

Tells you the time, tells you
the day, tells you the date...

And tells the whole
world you got class.

Hah!

George, that's beautiful.

But what for? It's not
his birthday or anything.

I don't have to wait for his
birthday to show him that I love him.

Hey, thanks, pop. Hey.

It was a lovely thing to
do. How much did it cost?

Look, it's a gift. You
don't talk about the price.

It must be at least $100.

Three-fifty.

Three hundred and fifty
dollars for a watch?

n*gga, please!

Look, the boy's got to
know the time, don't he?

Hey, this is gonna look great
saturday night when I wear my new tux.

Where you goin'? To this
political dinner. It's a fund raiser.

Fifty dollars a plate. It
ain't worth no fifty dollars.

You don't even get to keep
the plate. Fifty dollars!

It's 100. I'm taking jenny. Then
they ought to be paying you $100.

Well, it's only money, pop.
Besides, I'm just doing what you do:

Spend, spend, spend.

That's only half of what I do.

The other part is
work, work, work.

Well, I was just kidding.
Jenny's taking me to dinner. Oh.

She's a volunteer worker for
one of the candidates in the primary,

So like they just gave her
a couple of free tickets.

Free? Oh, that's more like it.

Now the only thing that
can hurt you is the food.

Oh, hi, louise. Hi,
mrs. Jefferson.

Come in.

Hello, george.

Good-bye, helen.

Wait a minute. What
about your lunch?

- I suddenly lost my appetite.
- George!

Look, let's face it,
weezy. She came to see

You, not me. I'd only
be in the way, right?

Wrong as usual,
george. I came to see you.

Well, whatever it
is, the answer's no.

How can you say that before
you hear what she has to say?

Easy. I just start
talkin' before she does.

If you'll give me a chance,
george, I'd like to talk to you...

About something that will
do us both a lot of good.

Oh, you're going
to divorce whitey.

Pop! It's all right, lionel.

I'm going to let
that pass, george.

You are? You ain't
no fun at all today.

There's always tomorrow.

But meanwhile, you know
about the congressional

Primary that's
coming up, don't you?

Uh-huh. I'm working for
one of the candidates,

And I'd like to put some of his
posters in your store window.

Okay. What?

You heard me. Okay. You
could put them in the window.

I can't believe my ears. I
can't believe his mouth.

You heard me right. You could
put your posters in my window,

And it'll only cost
you 50 bucks a week.

That's ridiculous. This is
an independent campaign...

Supported by
voluntary contributions.

I give my time, the printer
gives the posters...

And I'll give my advice. Find
yourself another window.

Jenny, let's go into the kitchen
and get a coke. But they're fighting.

That's okay. We can
hear in the kitchen.

There's no use asking
you anything. Sometimes

I think I ought have
my head examined.

That was going to be
my other piece of advice.

You know, I changed my
mind. I don't want no coke.

How about some orange juice?
No, no, I had that for breakfast.

Uh, you want some
milk? No, thanks.

Well, then what do you want?

Thought you'd never ask.

Lionel jefferson, you
tricked me. Mm-hmm. Come here.

If you lay a hand on
me, I'm gonna scream.

Help.

Help.

Lionel, can we talk
seriously for a minute?

Sure. Seriously, let's
do that some more.

Will you stop messin' around?

Yeah, when I'm
about 90, maybe 100.

Lionel, I want to talk to
you about the campaign.

I think it's really
important to get involved.

Oh, yeah, me too. Lionel, don't you
realize how much this means to me?

Getting involved in
politics is important.

Mm-hmm. Am I boring you?

Oh, no, no. I like hearing
about politicians.

If you want me to, I could
even go see a couple of them...

On visiting day. Okay.

Okay, okay. If you're
not interested, forget it.

All right, I'm sorry, jenny.
Hey, you're really into this, huh?

I'd like to be
even more into it.

Right now all I'm doing is going
for coffee and stuffing envelopes.

Well, that's important too.

Yeah, but I sure wish
I could get on the

Steering committee.
That's where the action is.

So get on it. No chance. I don't
have enough experience yet.

But one of these days... You want
to get on that committee real bad.

Yeah, so bad I can taste it.

Okay. Okay, you
talked me into it.

It's time I got involved
too. Are you serious?

Of course I am. Oh, lionel!

Help! Help!

It's no use, helen. You're not
getting anywhere with him.

You might as well give up.

I would've given up long
ago, but this is too important.

I am going to make an
impression on you if it kills me.

In that case, impress me.

I don't understand you, george.
Don't you want to support...

The one man who's trying to do
something to improve low-income housing?

That didn't impress me.

A man who's genuinely interested
in helping the black community.

Now you're getting warm.
A little interest at last.

The way you were going on,
I didn't think you even knew...

That pomeroy was running
against graves in the primary.

Wait a minute. Is
graves the black dude?

Yes, but... Why didn't you
say something sooner?

Because your
mouth got in the way.

Sure. I'll be glad to put
the posters in my window.

George, I don't think
you understand.

Look, just give me the poster.

Hey! Hey, this is...

You got stuck with the wrong
poster. This is pomeroy, the white dude.

- Not just the white dude.
- The right dude.

Not for my window, he ain't the
right dude. You may be crazy, but I ain't.

Hi, tom. Come in. Hi, louise.

I just wanted to
speak to george about

Putting up some posters
in his store window.

- It's no use, tom.
- Oh, helen, I didn't know
you were here.

Yes, I b*at you to
it, but it's hopeless.

Let's go. It's a waste of
time talking to george.

For once, I agree with you. Bye.

Now, wait a minute. I think I
can make you change your mind...

About my posters, george. No
one can make him change his mind.

That's because no one
has been able to find it.

Well, they say that one
picture is worth a 10,000 words.

Hey, that's graves, the black
dude! Look at that, weezy.

He not only marries
'em, he even votes for 'em.

Tom, you've got
the wrong poster.

No, I haven't. But
you're for pomeroy.

No, helen, you just assumed I
was for pomeroy. I'm for graves.

How can you be for
graves? He's a political hack.

A greedy, callous,
self-seeking...

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don't
be running down my man!

Is graves your
candidate? Our candidate!

Come on, neighbor, let's put
our candidate in my window.

Dinner will be ready
in a few minutes.

I hope you're not
making any for me.

Of course not, tom. I always
eat a whole roast by myself.

Good, because I
can't eat a thing.

See? I have to take something
to settle my stomach.

Are you still upset?

Don't be silly, helen.
Why should I be upset?

Just because you called
me a lousy, backstabbing,

Turncoat, soft-headed liberal?

I had more, but I
ran out of breath.

I thought we were
both for pomeroy.

Then out of the blue, you do a
flip-flop, and suddenly you're for graves.

Please, helen, I don't want
to fight about this anymore.

Oh, sure. You'd rather
switch than fight.

I keep telling
you I didn't switch.

I've been for graves all along.
It just makes common sense.

Even george jefferson
agrees with me.

That makes it common, but it sure
as hell takes all the sense out of it.

All right, helen. You have to admit
one thing: graves has the experience.

Only at getting
reelected. Just tell me one

Good thing he's done
since he been in politics.

Well, he, uh... He's black.

His parents did that.

- Helen, listen...
- Tom, would you vote against somebody...

Just because he's
black? Of course not.

Well, it's just as bad
to vote for somebody...

Just because he's black or white or
puerto rican. Puerto rican isn't a color.

You know what I mean. Yes,
but you're missing my point.

There are millions of black kids in this
country who need someone to look up to.

They need role models. They need
good models, not a lemon like graves.

Well, sometimes you have to take one step
backwards for every two steps forward.

Yes, but graves always steps
backwards. Well, not always.

You're right. When he comes
to an issue, he sidesteps it.

For heaven's sakes, helen, do you know
what it's like to be black and be rejected?

Somehow that
didn't come out right.

I think you'd better
eat something, tom.

You're getting light-headed.

No, I'm not! All
I'm saying is...

That the more blacks we have in
government, the better off we are.

I mean you are. I-i mean we are.

Don't i?

Tom, the country's in trouble.

We've got inflation,
unemployment.

This is no time for tokenism.

And I say blacks need
more representation!

Is that why you married
me, for representation?

Don't be ridiculous, helen. I didn't
marry you because you're black.

But you would have voted
for me just because I'm black.

Only an idiot would do that.

Thank you for your vote!

You're welcome!

Well, that'll teach her.

Comin' to bed,
george? In a minute.

What are you doing?

Just looking through
lionel's magazine. Ain't she tall?

I'm surprised at you,
lookin' at that stuff!

Just getting the
bare facts, weezy.

I wouldn't pose like
that for a million dollars.

They'd never pay
you a million dollars.

I'll remember that
when you come to bed.

- Hey, pop.
- Hey, lionel.

- See anything good?
- No, just lookin for
the crossword puzzle.

- It doesn't have one.
- Oh, well.

I'll bet you didn't have anything
like that when you were a kid.

'Course we did. We just
didn't put 'em in magazines.

Well, I guess I'll go to
bed. Pop, you got a second?

Can I ask you somethin'? Sure.

See, I got this friend
who's got a problem,

And this friend doesn't
know what to do about it.

Get rid of her or marry her.

No, no, see, it ain't
that kind of problem.

See, this friend would
like to get on a political

Committee, but doesn't
have any experience.

Then he's wastin' his time,
trying to get on a committee.

If he ain't got no experience,
he ought to run for president.

But seriously, pop, now suppose
you want to get on that committee,

But the committee wasn't ready
for you. What would you do?

Well, I'd just do
what comes natural.

No, my friend ain't no good
at yelling and screaming.

I ain't talkin' about yelling.
I'm talking about sweet talk.

I'd find out who the main man in charge
of the committee was and butter him up.

Uh-huh. But what if he don't
want to be buttered up?

If he won't take the butter,
lay some bread on him.

That's bribery. No, it ain't.

In politics, you don't call it
bribery. It's making a contribution.

But what if that
don't work either?

Lionel, you got to
have faith in the system.

It always works.
There's an old saying:

"If you got the dough,
they don't say no."

Who said that? George jefferson.

Would you believe? Two whole days,
tom and I haven't spoken to each other.

He must've made you real mad.

It wasn't my idea.
Tom started it.

Well, how can you
stand all that quiet?

Oh, it isn't quiet. He talks
to me through jenny.

"Jenny, will you tell
your mother this?"

And i, like an idiot,
play along with it.

"Jenny, will you tell
you father that?"

- Weezy, where'd you put
my aftershave lotion?
- I drank it.

I always keep it on the bottom shelf
of the medicine chest, and it ain't there.

Then try looking
on the top shelf.

Go on.

The craziest thing of all is how
friendly george and tom have become...

Since they're both
backing graves.

It's like custer and sitting
bull becoming blood brothers.

Well, you know what they say:
"politics makes strange bedfellows."

Not in our case. Tom's
sleeping in the guest room.

You were wrong again,
weezy. It was in the middle shelf.

Oh, I'll get that on my way out.

- Thanks, helen.
- Thank you for the coffee.

Anytime.

Louise, would you tell my wife
I have something to say to her?

Helen, tom said...

And tell my husband that
he's forgotten his manners.

He didn't even say
hello. Hello, louise.

Tell helen I said hello too.

Tom says... Tell
him that's better.

I... Tom, why don't you sit down,
and I'll get you a cup of coffee.

I wish there was someone here who
could tell my wife I've been thinking.

I wish there was someone here
who could ask my husband with what.

There you go, tom.

Louise, would you tell my
wife I've changed my mind?

Oh, would you rather have tea?

No, I mean I'm going to vote
for pomeroy, not graves.

Oh, tom, that's wonderful.
Louise, tell my wife...

Tell me, tom. I'll see that
she gets the message.

Listen, helen, I just came back from
one of graves's political rallies.

I had a long talk with him
afterwards. He looked me over,

And then he told me all the things he
thought a white man wanted to hear.

What did he tell you? All the
things I didn't want to hear.

That guy plays both
ends against the middle.

You were right,
darling. He's a bum.

Even though he's black?

I'm afraid so.

You've just learned
something, tom.

Phonies come in all colors.

Oh, hi, jenny, come in.

Thank you.

Is lionel here? No.

Not yet, but I expect
him any minute.

Well, then I'll wait.

Well, can I get you something,
jenny? No, thank you.

- Something wrong, honey?
- No, thank you.

Hey, tom, ol' buddy!

How about some fine brandy
to go with that coffee?

Well, thanks, old buddy. Comin'
up. How's things, old buddy?

- Well, they just took
a turn for the better.
- Our candidate's ahead?

Well, I wouldn't exactly call
him our candidate anymore.

Don't tell me graves
ain't running no more.

No. I've decided to back pomeroy
instead. He's the better man.

I should've known.

A whitey never
changes his spots.

How dare you call
my husband whitey!

Oh, I beg your pardon. I'm
sorry I called you whitey, h*nky.

Hi, everybody. Hi, babe.

- Don't you "baby" me, you...
- What's wrong with you?

I just heard I got on the
pomeroy steering committee.

Jenny, that's wonderful.
Congratulations.

Hold it. You haven't heard
how I got on the committee.

You. You, you, briber, you!

Hey, what bribe? I just
made a contribution.

Where'd you get a
stupid idea like that?

From you, pop. Oh, don't
blame your father. You did it.

What are you so mad about? I got you
on the committee. That's what you wanted.

Not that way. I wanted
to work my way up,

Get there on my own ability,
not through a $200 payoff.

- Two hundred dollars?
- You must have
a real low opinion of me.

Dr. Frankenstein, I'd like
you to meet your monster.

Where did you get the
money anyway, lionel?

Oh, what's the
difference? I got it.

You sold the watch I
gave you, didn't you?

I would never sell that watch.
Then where'd you get the money?

I pawned it. What?

Lionel, you loved that watch.

Not as much as I love you.

Oh, lionel! That was
a dumb thing to do.

- Your pop's right.
- First time today.

I know you meant well, but...

You know I can't accept the job
on the committee now, don't you?

Yeah, it's beginning to sink in.

I guess I was trying
too much to be like pop.

Well, that ain't bad.

Yeah, it is, see,
'cause I'm not you.

I mean, your way works for you
'cause that's the way you're built.

I mean, that's your
nature, but its not mine.

So I got to get on a different
trip 'cause I'm a different guy.

Now you sound more like my guy.

I hope all this has taught
you a lesson too, george.

It sure has. Good.

The next time I buy lionel
a watch, it'll be a timex.

Don't feel too bad, lionel.

You're not the only one around here
who goofed. Yes, we both learned something.

You pushed too hard, and
I bent over "blackwards."

Get it?

Blackwards.

Just a minority opinion.

The jeffersons was recorded on
tape in front of a studio audience.

♪ Movin', movin' on up ♪♪