02x01 - A Dinner for Harry

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe apartment ♪

♪ In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece Of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪

♪ There ain't Nothin'
wrong with that ♪

♪ We're movin' on
up Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece Of the pie ♪♪

Doorbell! Will
somebody get the door?

Will somebody get the door?

Will somebody get
the door, Florence?

I wish you'd make up your mind.

Either you want dinner
or you want doors.

Because if you want both,
you'll want another maid.

Hello, Florence.
Hello, Mrs. Jefferson.

They're in the bedroom.

Would you tell them
I'm here, please?

She's here!

How about a bloody mary?

No, thanks, I don't
drink while I'm working.

Hello, Mother Jefferson.

You're looking very smart.

Thank you.

Yes.

Mind you, I don't see the sense

in taking all the time to
wear an evening dress

just because your neighbor
happens to have a birthday.

Well, I thought it
would be friendly

to throw a dinner
party for Mr. Bentley.

Just like you Louise, always
wanting to get fancied up.

Trying to be
something you're not.

The party was my idea.

Making it formal
was George's idea.

Oh, well, it's nice to get
dressed up once in a while.

I don't think that's the
reason, Mother Jefferson.

Well, then, why would George
insist on making it formal?

Hey, hey, hey! How about this?

Next question?

Oh, George it's lovely.

Hi, Mom. Ain't it
something else?

This is real plaid.

It's just beautiful.

It's better than beautiful.
It's one of a kind.

It's an original, like me.

I mean who else could've
done what I've done?

Come here, Weezy,
take a look at this.

Did you ever think a
couple of years ago

that we'd be living
up here in style,

looking down on the
greatest city in the world?

No, I didn't. And I must
admit, it's wonderful.

You know something, Weezy?

We were meant for each other.

Oh, thank you, George.

New York and me!

Yeah, this city is big
league just like me.

That's why they
call it the Big Apple.

You take one bite
and you got class.

You think big, you live big,
and you throw big parties.

I love it!

Isn't he wonderful?

I always said when
God made George,

he broke the mold.

You were right.

He didn't want to make
the same mistake twice.

Helen, where are your tweezers?

My what?

Your eyebrow tweezers.

What do you want
the tweezers for?

Because I've got a headache.

Well, plucking your
eyebrows isn't going to help.

I'm trying to take an aspirin,

but I can't take an aspirin
because the damn cotton

is stuck in the bottle.

How can I get an
aspirin out of the bottle

if the cotton is in the way?

Oh, is that all? Is that all?

Is that all?! I could
die of a headache

before I get an aspirin
out of this bottle.

Here, let me do it.

Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not letting you

get your hands on this cotton.

You'll just stuff it right
back inside the bottle again.

Why do you keep doing that?

It's there to keep the
tablets from breaking.

Helen, that's to protect them

while they're being shipped.

Our aspirin aren't
going anywhere.

They're not even going in me.

Tom, calm down. It's just
a stupid piece of cotton.

It's not the end of the world.

Well, maybe this is
how the world ends.

Over a stupid piece of cotton.

On top of all the
other stupid things

that go on out there.

Out where? What stupid things?

Out there.

New York is one
giant stupid thing!

I'm sick, sick, sick, sick
of this city. I hate this city.

You had a bad day, huh?

Oh, no, I had a wonderful day.

To begin with, the elevators
at the office went out again.

17 floors, Helen.
238 steps, Helen.

Well, it's good
for your waistline.

Coming home, I took a
cab because I was in a hurry.

35 minutes to get across town.

I told the drive, pull off,
it'll be quicker to walk.

He did. And I stepped out,
right into a dog's calling card.

It's supposed to be good luck.

Don't press yours, Helen.

We've got to get out of this
town, this no place to live.

It's dirty and dangerous.

Oh, it's not as bad as all that.

It's worse. It's violent.

Those are crazy
people out there.

Crazy! Crazy!

Crazy!

Don't forget to put the
cotton back in the bottle.

Hi, Mama. Hi.

I thought you were going

to the basketball
game with Lionel?

Yeah, well,
that's not till later.

Got plenty of time.

How you feeling?

I'm okay.

You heard anything
from the police yet?

Hush. Your father is in there.

You mean you haven't
told him you were mugged?

Hush.

But look, Mama
you have to... Easy.

Ooh.

I'm sorry. That guy
really hurt you, huh?

I'm fine.

Mama, you got to tell Daddy.

You want to finish school?

Yeah, but I...

Then you better
keep your mouth shut.

Huh?

Your father's on one of his

"We've got to get out
of New York" kicks.

Oh, no. Not that again.

Mm-hm. And if I tell
him I was mugged,

that would be the last
straw. He'll have us packed

and out of New York by tomorrow.

Mama, don't let
him do that, please.

I mean, I can't leave school...

And what about Lionel?

Okay. Maybe your
father will forget about it

if he enjoys himself
at the dinner party.

Just cool it on the mugging.

All right. You got it.

♪ Tee, tee, tee, da ♪

♪ Da, dee, da, da ♪

♪ Dee, da, tee, da ♪

♪ Dee, da, dee, dee, da ♪

♪ Old Tom Willis ♪

♪ He don't like cotton ♪

♪ He keeps on yellin' ♪

♪ That things are rotten ♪

♪ But I love New York ♪

♪ And I'm going
to stay Right here ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo, dee, dee ♪♪

Ooh.

Tom.

Will you zip me up, please?

Well, I...

Damn it! You made
me swallow my gargle.

Never mind. I'll do it myself.

Now, Tom'll be
here, I will be here,

Mr. Bentley will sit next
to you Mother Jefferson.

And Helen will be
at your right, George.

Helen will be at my throat.

Why'd you have to go and
invite them old Willises anyway?

Because I asked
Mr. Bentley who he would like

at his birthday dinner,
and he said the Willises.

Mm-hm. He was
just trying to be polite.

That's the curse of the English.

Anyway, I'm glad, because
Helen is the only real friend

I have in this whole building.

You got me.

You're my husband.

You see? If you'd
followed my advice

and not gotten married,

he could still be your friend.

Ooh, honey hush!

Ow! Look-a-there.

That is some tuxedo.

Thank you, Florence.

And it's really
you, Mr. Jefferson.

Thank you.

It's loud.

Doorbell.

Never mind,
Florence. I'll get it.

Hi. I'm Jack Peterson.

Hey! The music's
here. Come on in.

Set up right over there.

Hi.

Hi.

You hired a musician?

Yeah. An accordionist.
An electric accordionist.

At a small dinner party?
What's wrong with records?

They don't go with my tuxedo.

Man, that's a groovy tux.

You like it, huh?

That's out of sight.
It's a Jefferson special.

Where do I plug in?

Oh, right over there.

Hi.

Well, aren't you
going to ask us in?

Oh, yes. Come in. Come in.

Can I take your jacket, Tom?

No, thank you.

Hi.

Hello, George. I love your tux.

Oh, well, thank you.

Hey, wait a minute. Hm?

What's the big idea?

What?

The tuxedo.

Oh, how about that?

Where did you get that?

With green stamps.

Who gave you the
right to wear my tux?

Oh, come on, George. Stop
making such a fuss over nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing?!

This ain't nothing.
This is something!

Now, wait a minute. If anyone
copied anyone, you copied me.

Look, the only way I could
copy you is with a barrel of lard

and a bucket of whitewash.

One more cr*ck
like that, shorty...

Don't be calling me
shorty, big mouth.

Big mouth?

George, that's terrible.

Don't you be picking on my son.

And you stop
picking on his wife!

You stole my plaid.

Hello?

You want another good argument
against New York? Here he is.

Don't blame New
York for George. Hi.

Where did New York come in?

Out of an aspirin bottle.

That doesn't make
sense. Neither does Tom.

That's telling them,
big mouth. Hello?

♪ Happy birthday to me ♪

♪ Happy birthday to me ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Harry ♪

♪ Happy birthday to me ♪♪

Bravo.

Very, very good.

Bravo.

Thank you.

My, isn't this fun?

And if it weren't for
you, I'd be sitting at home

with nobody to talk to.

I must say, it's
awfully nice of you

to give this dinner
party for me.

You know, nobody ever made
a fuss over my birthday before,

not even my mother...

Except, of course,
on my birth day.

I mean, she had to be
there for that, didn't she?

That was very
funny, Mr. Bentley.

I've got to remember that.

Get back in the kitchen!

Mean.

Just plain mean.

I might as well be
working for white folks.

I say, do you two know

you're wearing the
same dinner jacket?

I ain't wearing no same
dinner jacket. He is.

Okay, George, okay.

What do you want
me to do, go out now

and buy a different jacket?

I'll settle for the first part.

I've got an idea.

Mr. Bentley, why don't you
open your birthday presents.

Oh, right on.

Happy birthday. Thanks.

No. Start with mine.

All right.

Careful with that
bow. I can use it again.

There you are.

Ah!

Oh, what lovely suspenders!

They're not suspenders.
They're garters.

In England, they
call them suspenders.

Well, they're wrong.

They're garters for
holding up your socks.

One thing I can't
stand is seeing a man

with his socks down
around his ankles.

Well, I couldn't
agree with you more.

All the Bentley men have
always worn suspenders...

Uh, garters. Except, of
course, for my Uncle Edward.

He used thumbtacks.

What?

Yes, he had a wooden leg.

Boy, that is one weird weirdo.

Why don't you open our
present now, Mr. Bentley?

Thank you.

Now you're really
going to see a present.

Wait'll you get a load of this.

What did we get him?

Wait and see.

I can't believe it. A cozy.

I knitted it myself.

Oh, Louise. It's beautiful.

Very attractive.

See, what'd I tell you?

Well, go ahead, try it
on, Bentley. See if it fits.

It's not a hat,
George. It's a tea cozy.

You put it on the
teapot to keep it warm.

Who asked you?

Nobody's ever knitted
me a tea cozy before.

And with my very
own initials: H.B.

Oh, it's so... accurate.

Thank you, Mrs. Jefferson.

Florence! Get the phone.

You get the phone!
I'm getting dinner.

I'm going to k*ll that Florence.

Then I'm going to fire her.

Hello.

Oh, yeah. She's here.

Oh. Just a minute.

It's for you, Mrs. Willis.

Who is it?

The police.

Police?

Hello.

Yes, This is Mrs. Willis.

Oh, yes. Thank you.

I'll be there first
thing in the morning.

What was that all about?

Oh, I just lost my purse
this afternoon, that's all.

You what?

But it's all right.
The police have it.

That's why they called.

Oh, good. But how did the
police know you were here?

They called home
and Jenny told them.

Isn't that wonderful?

Somebody found her purse
and actually turned it in.

Must have been an out-of-towner.

A policeman found it.

And the cop turned
it in? In New York?

Will you lay off New York?

Wait a minute,

how come you didn't tell
me you'd lost your purse?

I forgot. You forgot?

Look, Tom, this
is Harry's birthday.

So why don't we quit worrying
about my purse and, um...

Hey, play something.
Let's dance.

Splendid idea. May I?

Come on. Everybody dance.

Well, what do you say?

I say yes.

George, are you
going to just sit there

and let your mother
be a wallflower?

All right. Everybody
get ready, set...

Change partners.

Well, I guess that
leaves you and me.

Yeah. It's been a bad
night all around, ain't it?

Well, don't just
stand there, shorty.

Get down!

That's the doorbell.
Now you're going to get it.

That's the people downstairs
complaining about the noise.

They just delivered
the birthday cake.

I'll take it. Oh, no.

I've got to give this

to Mr. Jefferson personally.

I just want to make sure
you got it safe and sound, sir.

You know how I look out
for you, Mr. Jefferson, sir.

Oh, sorry, Ralph, I don't
have any money on me.

Oh, that's all right, sir.

Your credit's good with me.

I'll just mark it down
so you won't forget.

Oh, thank you, sir!

Are you all right, Mrs. Willis?

Yes.

Good. Your wife sure is lucky.

Huh? And smart too.

The way she let that
mugger have her purse.

Yes, sir, it doesn't
pay to fight them.

You can get k*lled that way.

Well, have a nice party.

You were mugged?

Yes, but I'm all right.

Oh, thank God for that.

Well that settles it. We're
moving out of this city.

When? When?

Keep out of this, George.
You hear what I say?

We're getting out of New York.

What good will that do?
There's no hiding place.

I don't want to hide,

I just want to take you
some place where it's safe.

What would happen if
everybody decided to leave?

Well, the muggers
would go out of business.

We could all move back again.

Did you know that
mugger is a Hindu word

meaning freshwater crocodile?

Tom, the way things are going,

pretty soon the only
people left in New York

will be the very rich
and the very poor.

This city needs the
support of people like us.

Tom, if we leave,
the city will die.

And if we stay,
the city will k*ll us.

Do you see the connection
between mugger and crocodile?

You see? Women's handbags
are often made of crocodile,

or mugger. Therefore, a purse
snatcher is a mugger snatcher,

or a mugger for short.

That's not very
interesting, is it?

Tom, if the cities go,

you can say goodbye
to the whole country.

I don't care about that,
I only care about you.

Well, if you really
cared about Helen,

you ought to be fair to her.

Her life is here. All
of her friends. Me.

Louise, where are your manners?

If our guest wants
to leave town,

don't try to stop him.

You're city people.

Where are you going to
find your kind of action?

Only in New York.

Only in New York?
Why, that's ridiculous.

You tried running away
once before, didn't you?

What? Well, you told me

when you and Helen
were first married,

you couldn't take the heat.
So you went off to Paris.

Oh, but that was different.

Then why did you come back?

Yeah, why? Why?

Well, because we got homesick.

I think you mean because you
had to get back to your world.

Don't you see, Tom?
You've proved it once before.

Running away isn't
the answer to anything.

Louise, if God didn't
want people to move,

he wouldn't have
made moving vans.

Why don't you shut up?

Why don't you listen
to your husband?

What do you want?

I live downstairs. Is
this where all the music,

dancing, and hollering
is coming from?

Yeah. You want to
make something out of it?

Yeah, let's really get
this place jumping.

I brought my horn.

Come on in, Grace.
This is the place.

"My Blue Heaven," B flat.

One, a two, a one:

See that Helen?
This city is crazy.

That's right, Tom.
Beautifully crazy.

Tom, remember when
we first met? Mm-hm.

This is the way it was:

What we really loved.

And honey, it's still
here. Only in New York.

You're right, baby.
Only in New York.

Here's to you, Harry.
Many happy returns.

Tell you what, next year,

Helen and I are going to throw
your birthday party upstairs,

in our apartment.

Thank you. Oh, Tom.

Isn't that nice? They're
staying in New York after all.

Yup. The Big Apple
just turned into a lemon.

The Jeffersons was
recorded on tape

in front of a studio audience.