02x14 - Lunch with Mama

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe apartment ♪

♪ In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece Of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪

♪ There ain't Nothin'
wrong with that ♪

♪ We're movin' on
up Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece Of the pie ♪♪

I don't know how I ever
managed without that dishwasher.

It's such a convenience.

Yeah, now we don't have to fight

about me helping you
with the dishes anymore.

You never helped
me with the dishes.

I know that.

But at least now we
don't have to fight about it.

Do you have to read
the paper at the table?

Not all of it.

I like to read the sports
section in the john.

Why can't we just talk?

We always had something to
talk about before we were married.

Sure, that's because I was
saying, "Oh, come on, Weezy,"

and you was always
saying, "Cut it out, George."

[PHONE RINGS]

Then maybe I better
start saying that again.

Then we'll have
something to talk about.

Hello?

Oh, Clare, how've you been?

Oh, no.

When did it happen?

Oh, I'm so sorry. She
was such a lovely person.

Of course I'll come.
Where will it be?

Uh-huh.

And the time?

Uh-huh.

Well, thank you for
letting me know, Clare.

Bye.

Who d*ed?

Aunt Alice.

You ain't got no Aunt Alice.

Oh, she wasn't really my
aunt, we just called her that.

Oh, then who was she?

She was our next-door
neighbor when I was a kid.

When my mother was sick
or she had to go to work,

Aunt Alice would help out.

She'd clothe us, dress
us, clean the house,

and she'd never ask
for anything in return.

Mm.

Oh, yeah, I remember
meeting her once.

Real sweet old lady.

Sorry she's gone.

Thank you, George.

When's the funeral?

Monday.

Hm.

Well, you go and
have a good time.

What?

Oh, I don't mean
have a good time.

I mean, you be sure and go.

Oh, I am going, and
you're going with me.

No I ain't. George!

Weez, you know I hate funerals.

If it was up to me, I
wouldn't even go to my own.

You're acting childish.

No, I ain't. Funerals make
me sick to my stomach

ever since Papa's funeral.

I'll never forget that
day. I was 10 years old,

and they dressed me all up

in this old heavy,
black woolen suit

and it was so hot I was itching,

and they wouldn't
even let me scratch.

It was awful.

Then the smell of
them old gardenias.

I almost passed out.

George, I'm asking
you to do this for me.

Please don't shame me
in front of Alice's family

by making me show up alone.

Oh, come on, Weezy,
why do I have to go?

I hardly even knew her.

Do you know me?

Sure.

Do you want to
keep on knowing me?

Okay.

Okay, I'll go.

But we're going
to get there early

and you're going to introduce
me to all Alice's friends.

You say, "See, he came with me."

Then you go in and I'll go home.

No, you won't. You'll
be there Monday at 1:00.

Uh-oh. Too bad,
I can't go Monday.

Why not?

I got a date.

With who?

With Mama. It's
the first Monday.

You know I always
take her to lunch

on the first Monday
of the month.

Yeah, well, tell her you
can't make it this Monday.

I can't do that.

I'm not asking you
to cancel the lunch.

Just postpone it till
Tuesday or Wednesday.

No, it's got to be Monday.

That's the way it's always been

and that's the way
Mama expects it.

George, I'm sure
she'll understand

if you'll just explain to
her about my friend Alice.

The disappointment
won't k*ll her.

No, but it might k*ll me.

I'd rather disappoint your
dead friend than my living mama.

I hope I don't die on the
first Monday of the month

or you are going to have a
hell of a decision to make.

That wasn't funny.

It wasn't meant to be.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Will you get that, Tom?

Why can't you get it?

I'm not dressed.

Oh, that makes sense.

Oh, darn it.

It's Louise, Helen.

She's brought that
ribbon you wanted.

Oh, thanks, Louise.

You're welcome.

Have you lost something?

Be careful where you walk.

I've dropped one
of my eyelashes.

That's not funny,
Tom. It's my last set.

I think I just found them.

Where?

Thanks a lot.

Now I'm going to look
like I was kicked in the eye.

Sorry.

I don't understand why

you just don't let your
own lashes grow longer.

Oh thanks, the
ribbon's just perfect.

Hey girl, are you all right?

You look down.

Oh, I'm okay.

And how's George?

Sulking in the bedroom.

What for this time?

Because he's afraid of funerals.

Were you going to k*ll him?

Not yet.

I want him to come to a
funeral of an old family friend

but he always
puts his mother first.

She's having a funeral too?

No, he's taking her to lunch.

Well, that's a nice thing to do.

I asked him to
skip it just this once.

But oh, no, every first
Monday of the month,

he has a date to
take her to lunch.

You can set your calendar by it.

That's very interesting.

It is?

I couldn't help overhearing.

George's father d*ed when
George was very young, didn't he?

Uh-huh.

Oh, it's okay Louise.

We're going to a costume party.

Really!

Who you going as?

Snow White.

And who are you supposed to be?

A handsome prince, of course.

A handsome prince?

That's who I'm supposed to be

but this was the only
costume they had left.

That would fit him.

Watch it, Snow White.

You know, Louise, it's possible

that George has
felt guilty all his life

about his father's death.

Oh, he didn't k*ll him,
his father was hit by a bus.

While he was going to work
in order to support his family.

He was going to play a number.

George might not even
know he's been feeling guilty,

but he had to take his
father's place in the home.

It's a very common thing
among sons and mothers.

Their relationship becomes
more like wife and husband.

That's ridiculous, Tom.

No, it is not!

Look, I'm not saying there's
any incestuous connotation.

Oh, what a relief, because I
don't know what that means.

You have been talking out
of the back of your ears, Tom.

George just wants an excuse

not to go to the
funeral, that's all.

Oh, it not as simple as that.

Sure it is. And I
agree with Louise.

He ought to break his
date with his mother.

Aha! His date.

You see, you picked that word

because that's
what it is, a date.

Oh, come on.

I'm serious.

I've published
books on this subject.

I know all about it.

You also published The
Extra-Sensual Husband,

but um...

That was a low blow, Helen.

I'm kidding. Kidding.

Well... But it is
a fact, Louise.

Some mothers sort of
blackmail their sons a little

to get attention all the time,

to have a man
looking after them.

But Mother Jefferson
does that with everybody.

Oh, you're fighting a losing
battle on that lunch, Louise.

Haven't you ever
noticed grown men

almost flirting
with their mothers?

Oh, you've heard them.

"Isn't she a sweetheart?"

"How's my best girl today?"

How's my best girl?

Does George say that?

Huh.

Well, thanks for cheering me up.

Anytime.

Oh, take it easy, Louise.

Have a nice party.

And Tom, can I put
my order in now?

For what?

Easter eggs.

I didn't expect to
see you today, Mama.

I know, but I was
just on my way home

from the Golden Years
Senior Citizens Club

and I'd thought I'd stop
by and say good night.

Oh, that's nice.
Want some coffee?

Well, I...

Weezy'll be back
to fix you some soon.

Why, Mother Jefferson,
what are you doing here?

I've brought you
a present, Louise.

Why, thank you.

How thoughtful.

Bertie and I entered the
tango contest at the club

and we won first prize.

I knew you'd love it
for your living room.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

Hey, that's terrific, ain't it?

Thanks, Ma.

I just knew it was you, Louise.

It's, uh, really something.

Well, I'm glad you like it.

It's something you can
always remember me by.

Well... I know you
two want to be alone

so I'm off to my
itty-bitsy apartment.

Bye. Bye.

Yeah, bye, Mama.

And don't forget
our date, George.

Remember, we're
having lunch on Monday.

How could I forget?

You wouldn't stand
me up, would you?

Are you kidding?

How could I ever
stand up my best girl?

Wasn't it nice of Mama to
give us this... whatever it is?

Oh, was that your mama?

I thought it was your best girl.

What?

"How could I ever think

of standing up my best girl?"

What's wrong with that?

Your wife is supposed
to come first, George.

You mother's not
supposed to be your best girl.

That was just an
expression, Weezy.

In a pig's eye,

and that's an
expression, too, George!

Why you getting so steamed up?

It's just a little game we play.

Mama likes to hear me say it.

Well, this mama don't!

Well, you never minded before.

Better late than never.

And it's time you
told your best girl

you're not taking her
to lunch on Monday

because you are coming
to the funeral with me.

Weezy! Weezy! Weezy!

Weezy, do you really think

that I'd rather be having
a dull lunch with Mama

than being with you and
your dead Aunt Alice?

Yes.

I'll let you in on a secret. I
can't stand those lunches.

Then why do you
do it every month?

Because if I didn't, it
would break her heart.

You know how she looks
forward to those lunches.

She's blackmailing you.

That's crazy. Why
should she blackmail me?

I give her money
anytime she wants it.

I don't mean that
sort of blackmail.

I mean she's been
using your guilt

to get you to do things for her.

What guilt?

George, when your father d*ed,

you felt you had
to take over for him.

How could I do
that? I was only a kid.

There was four
of us in that house.

Mama had to work her
butt off to take care of us.

Maybe that's where
the guilt started,

and I think she's been
playing on it all these years.

You know, there's something
to be said for what you think.

At last.

And that something is garbage.

All right, then prove I'm wrong.

Come to the funeral with me.

That wouldn't prove
you was wrong.

That would just
prove I was nuts.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

It's time your mother
set you free, George,

and I think she
ought to be told so

right to her face: "Back off."

Hello, again, dear.

Uh... Why, hello,
Mother Jefferson.

What brings you back here?

I got all the way to the corner

and I didn't have exact bus fare

and that bus driver
wouldn't trust me for a nickel.

Imagine that.

And I even offered to give it
to him the next time I saw him.

And I told him who
you were, George.

What did he say to that?

He said, "Get off the bus."

Here's a nickel.

Thank you, Louise.

Now, this is just a loan.

Oh, that's all right.
Oh, no, I insist.

George will pay you
back, won't you son?

Oh, sure, George will do
anything for his best girl.

I haven't interrupted
a quarrel have I?

Yes.

Well, you two just
go right on fighting

as if I wasn't here.

No, it ain't nothing, Mama.

Louise just wants me to go
to a funeral Monday, that's all.

It's an old friend
of the family.

Her family, not ours.
Oh, but George...

Now, Mama, I know
what you're going to say.

Monday is our lunch date.

Well, look, don't worry.
I'm not going to that funeral.

I wouldn't stand you up, Mumsie.

We're still going to lunch.

George, you've got
to go to that funeral.

But, Mama.

You don't have to
come to lunch with me.

I'll come to the
funeral with you.

Say what?

I haven't been to a
good funeral in years.

[ORGAN PLAYING]

Not much of a turnout, is it?

No.

I could understand it
if the weather was bad,

but a nice day like this,
this place ought to be full.

Well, Aunt Alice
was an old lady.

Most of her friends have
probably passed away.

Well, I hope so, for her sake.

Where is he?

Who? The minister.

It's five after 1.

When he going to
get things started?

Aunt Alice is waiting.

Sh.

Keep your voice down.

George, I just had
a wonderful idea.

What is it?

You remember that
cute little restaurant

you once took me
to? The Copper Kettle?

Yeah.

Well, it's just two blocks away.

Now, Mama.

I was thinking,
after the funeral

we'll still have
time for our lunch.

Mama, maybe we better
not have lunch together.

But it's one of
my favorite places

and they have the
nicest little pastry cart.

I don't feel like having
lunch with you today.

Well!

That's all the thanks I get
after all I've done for you.

I guess that's what mothers
are for: Give, give, give.

Never ask for
anything in return.

Now, even a little lunch
is too much to expect.

Mark my words, George,

you're going to remember
this when I'm dead and gone.

Then it'll be too late.

Blackmail?

Lord knows I...
Come with me, Mama.

What, George? I
said come with me.

George, what's
the meaning of this?

George, why, you're
embarrassing me!

Look, Mama, just
be quiet and listen.

George!

Don't be George-ing
me. Now just listen.

I ain't taking you to lunch
once a month anymore.

George!

There you go
George-ing me again.

I ain't saying I ain't going
to never take you to lunch,

but if I feel like it, I will,

or if you feel like
it, you call me,

and if I can't
make it, I'll tell you.

But from now, there ain't
going to be no rule no more.

George if your father
were living to hear...

He'd say I was
right and you know it.

You wouldn't talk to me
like that if you loved me.

Of course I love you!

I wouldn't be yelling
if I didn't love you!

Here, here.

That's no way to
talk to an old lady.

Who are you calling an old lady?

Look, Jack, this ain't
none of your business.

It certainly is.

I'm the Reverend Greenwood

and if you keep
shouting out here,

nobody's going to
hear me in there.

How do you do, Reverend?

Shame on you, talking
that way to the reverend.

That's all right,
I'm used to it.

People don't respect men
of God the way they used to.

Shall we go in?

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm sorry I'm late, but I just
came from another funeral

and the traffic coming
back was deadly...

Let's get right to it.

The universe is God's house,

and his house has many rooms.

Death merely
pushes aside the door

so we may pass from
one room to the other.

This will be the first lunch
we've missed in 10 years.

[SOBBING]

We should look on this gathering

not as a time as sorrow,

but as a time of opportunity

for one of our sisters
who has passed on

through that door.

It ain't going to work.

Cut it out, Mama!

That's all right
brother. Let her cry.

Tears wash away the sorrow.

It's only fitting that we
should grieve for our sister,

who, in the short
span of 87 years,

earned the love and respect
of all these lives today.

Stop it, Mama!

You know I can't
stand to see you crying.

I'll tell you,
brothers and sisters,

the name of our dearly departed
is inscribed in the Great Book.

I'm sorry, George.

If I'd known it was going
to be this hard for you,

I wouldn't have
asked you to come.

She has flown into
the kingdom of God,

passed through
those pearly gates.

The angels will pause.

I said, the angels will pause.

Because she will not be
forgotten here on Earth.

Her memory will live
on in our hearts forever.

Lord!

Deliver the soul of
our dear departed,

as you delivered Daniel...

[ORGAN PLAYING QUIETLY]

Thank you, sister, thank you.

What for?

Oh, you made
that funeral for me.

I haven't done a
eulogy like that in years.

I always say, all it
takes is one good cry

to get a real flood started.

Thank you.

I always like to do my bit.

If it weren't for you,

I don't think there would
have been any display of grief.

I'm sure that you
know the deceased

was not a very likeable person.

What are you talking about?!

Alice Johnson was an angel.

Perhaps, but Rose Spinner
was just the opposite.

Who's Rose Spinner?

The dear departed,

the one that you was
crying your heart out for.

What happened to Alice Johnson?

Alice Johnson?

I'm sure we have
an Alice Johnson.

Yeah, here it is. Alice Johnson.

Her funeral's been
put back to 4:00.

Say what?

Yeah, we're running way behind.

It's been a very good week.

I mean, a very bad week.

Not till 4:00?

Yeah. You are coming,
aren't you, with her?

Of course.

Thank you.

I'm looking forward to
seeing you at that one.

And be sure to sign the
register before you leave.

For what?

I want to put you
all on our guest list.

Let's get out of
here and go home.

We can't go home yet.

We have to go to my
Aunt Alice's funeral.

I already been.

It wasn't my fault
she wasn't there.

George, please.

Okay. Okay. Now, what
are we going to do until 4:00?

I know, George.

We still have
time for our lunch,

and we can go to
the Copper Kettle.

This is where I came in, George,
I'd like to hear your answer.

Okay. I'm going to take
my best girl out to lunch.

Oh, George.

And you can come
along too, Mama.

ANNOUNCER: The
Jeffersons was recorded on tape