02x16 - The Breakup: Part 1

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Jeffersons". Aired: January 18, 1975 – July 2, 1985.*
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Spinoff series from "All in the Family" is about literal upward mobility of couple George and Louise Jefferson who move into a swanky high-rise building.
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02x16 - The Breakup: Part 1

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♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got A
piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of
tryin' Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪

♪ There ain't nothing
Wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got A
piece of the pie ♪♪

Weezy!

George, you bought
a bowling ball.

Did you get one for me?

No. Put this in
the refrigerator.

Your bowling ball?

No.

This.

Why are you carrying watermelon

in a bowling bag?

Because I don't want whitey

to see me carrying it.

They'll think I love watermelon.

But you do.

I know, but I don't
want him thinking it.

Why not?

Because in whitey's head,

watermelon goes
along with fried chicken

and lazy,

and tap dancing
and scared of ghosts,

and "Feets, do your stuff."

George, people who
feel like that are stupid,

and it shouldn't make
any difference to you

what they think.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Here, put this away quick.

Oh, don't worry, George.

If it's a white person,

just tell them
it's a giant pickle.

Surprise!

Uh, why, Mother Jefferson,

we weren't expecting
you until Friday.

That's the surprise.

I was out shopping
in the neighborhood,

and I thought of you.

Here.

For me?

Why, thank you,
Mother Jefferson.

That was very sweet.

I know.

Hi, Mama.

Oh, hello, son.

Let me take your coat.

No, no. I have to
be getting home.

I just dropped by to
give Louise a present.

Well, can't you stay
just a little while?

I'm sorry you have
to leave so soon.

Well, maybe I can
stay for a little while,

if you really want me to.

Just for dinner.

But dinner won't
be for another hour.

Good.

That'll give me time
to take my beauty nap.

What did mama give you, Weezy?

She won't know
until she opens it.

Oh, I think it
was so sweet of...

Oh, bubble bath.

Lavender. Your favorite.

Yes.

Do you mind if I borrow
some now and then?

Not at all.

We still have a lot left

from the present you
gave me on my birthday.

Why didn't you tell me?

I thought we were
out of bubble bath.

Well, I'm sorry.

Would you like to return this?

I can't. I bought it on sale.

I'm going to take my nap.

When dinner's ready,
don't forget to call me.

I'll call you.

If she only knew
what I'd like to call her.

Now, Weezy, she meant well.

Oh, she did, huh?

Okay, for your next birthday,

I'm giving you
panty hose, my size.

Hi, Lionel.

Lionel, is something wrong?

Wrong? What makes you
think something's wrong?

Just woman's intuition, I guess.

Your mother just asked
you a simple question.

What's wrong?

Five seconds.

I'm not in the
house five seconds

and the third degree starts.

"Hello, Lionel. What's wrong?"

What's wrong with us
asking what's wrong?

Because if I told
you what's wrong,

I'd only upset you.

That's what's wrong.

Oh, I see.

You come in, slam the door,

throw your clothes
around and yell at us

because you don't
want to upset us.

Thanks for your consideration.

Well, now that you've
got us all upset anyway,

you might as well
tell us what's wrong.

No sense in letting all
this upsetness go to waste.

You can tell us, Lionel.
It can't be that bad.

Oh no? How about flunking?

Hold it!

Who's flunking what?

Professor Barton.

He's going to flunk
your son, Lionel,

in American Literature.

That's what.

Oh, now, calm down, Lionel,

and tell us what
this is all about.

Oh, it's simple.
Barton's got it in for me,

and no matter what I
do, it's not good enough.

Mom, he just turned
down my term paper,

and he's making
me write a new one.

Oh no.

And you've worked
on that for weeks.

Why'd he turn it down?

Because he hates me.

He's a white dude, huh? Yeah.

I knew it. I could
have told you that.

That's not the reason, Pop.

There are plenty of
other black kids in class,

and he doesn't hassle them.

Well, what is the reason?

Well, Barton likes to
show off when he lectures.

He's always quoting people.

Every other sentence
is a quotation.

Oh, you mean, like, uh,

"It's raining, it's pouring,
the old man is snoring"?

Not quite.

Well, once he used one
of my favorite quotes.

He said, "In the words
of Ambrose Bierce,

"It is the dull man
who is always sure,

and the sure man
who is always dull."

Hey, that's what I always say.

When do you say that?

When you ain't around.

Go on, Lionel.

I told Old Man Barton

it wasn't Ambrose
Bierce who said that.

It was H.L. Mencken.

He didn't like that at
all, so he looked it up,

and I was right.

Then he really hit the ceiling.

Why couldn't he just
admit he was wrong?

Ha. In front of the whole class?

Uh-uh. Professor
Barton hates to be wrong.

He's one of those people

who's got to be
right all the time.

I can't stand people like that.

Anyway, he's had it
in for me ever since.

But Lionel, if you turn in
a really good term paper

this time,

maybe Professor Barton
will change his mind.

But there's no way
that I can do a good job.

My finals are coming up.

I've got to concentrate
on Chemistry and Math.

They're the
subjects I really need

to be an engineer,
not American Lit.

I'm sure if you really
put your mind to it...

Mom, there's just no
way I can do a good job,

not with the new
subject he's assigned me.

Well, what is it?

Ernest Hemingway
and The h*m*

In The Mainstream
Of American Literature.

I don't know the
first thing about that.

Good, and you keep it that way.

Huh?

I didn't send my son to
school to study fairytales.

If I don't write that
paper, I'll flunk.

Okay, so you flunk
one subject. So what?

So I won't graduate
this year, that's what.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Pop, I've got a lot
of work and no time,

and I'd better get
started right now.

Poor Lionel.

I feel so helpless.

I wish I could do something.

Wishing is for making
princes out of frogs.

Well, have you got any ideas?

Well, I ain't going
to let Lionel flunk.

Well, how are you
going to stop it?

I don't know.

I can only get
one idea at a time.

Ooh, that felt good.

Florence, I thought I told you

to do Lionel's room first.

He's doing all
right in the kitchen.

But he prefers to
study in his own room.

If he ain't smart
in the kitchen,

he ain't going to be
smart in the bedroom.

Florence, please.

All right.

And I'll help you.

Okay... long as you pay me

like I'm working by myself.

Oh, come on Florence.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, uh, get that, Florence.

Do this. Get that.

You treat me just like
I'm a servant around here.

Hi, Florence.

He's in the kitchen.

Thank you, ma'am.

And see if you can get him

to take his head
out of them books

before he reads the
print right off the pages.

Aw, not now, Florence,
Mom's in the house.

How's it going?

Oh, lousy.

I've been working on
this paper for two days,

and I'm not getting nowhere.

Jenny, I don't think
I'm going to make it.

Oh, sure you will.

Honey, why don't
you let me help you?

Remember what happened

the last time you
wanted to help me?

Yeah.

Remember what I
ended up studying?

Yeah.

And you still want to help me?

Yeah.

Jenny, I'm weak.

Now, you're going
to have to be strong

for both of us, okay?

Okay. You're right.
Get back to work.

GEORGE: Lionel, get out here!

I'm never going
to get this done.

Lionel, all your
troubles are over.

Well, almost all.

What's happening, Pop?

Just take a look at this.

Weezy, we ain't dead yet.

Oh, that's nice, George,

because I didn't even
know we were sick.

What is it, Lionel?

It's a term paper.

Hey, it's the same
as my assignment.

Hemingway and The h*m*...

Look who wrote it.

By Lionel Jefferson?

You paid somebody to write this.

Sure I did.

I wouldn't ask anybody
to work for nothing.

You expect Lionel
to hand this in?

That's why I bought it.

Handing in a paper
written by somebody else?

That's cheating.

No, it ain't. It's a way out.

Look, when you've
got an emergency,

you've got to put
more men on the job.

We didn't raise our
son to be a cheat.

Aw, you wasted your
money, Mr. Jefferson.

Lionel's going to
tear up this forgery.

He ain't going to,
or he won't graduate.

But sometimes you've got
to take one step backwards

so you can take
two steps forward.

Now, wait a minute.
This is my problem.

I can talk for myself.

Oh, okay, Lionel. You tell him.

Yeah, go ahead,

and let your father down easy.

He meant well.

Don't worry. I'm
going to do what's best.

Pop... thanks.

If this paper had anything
to do with engineering,

I wouldn't use it,

because that would be cheating,

but American Literature's

got nothing to
do with my career.

Right. If you going
to build a bridge,

it don't do no good to
stand on the riverbank

reciting "To be or not to be"...

because that ain't
going to make it be.

That's Shakespeare.

He wasn't even in
American Literature.

See, and it didn't
hurt him none.

You are teaching
your son how to cheat.

No, I'm teaching him how to win.

Have you seen the
window cleaner anywhere?

You're the window cleaner.
Get back in the kitchen.

There's a new bottle
under the sink, Florence.

Thank you, Mrs. Jefferson.

I'm sorry to bother you.

It must be awfully hard

trying to run a
marriage on only brain.

Mr. Jefferson,

it's wrong for you to
give Lionel that paper.

I'm only doing
what's best for him.

Yes, he always swore
that Lionel would get

the best education
money could buy.

That's your answer
to everything, isn't it?

You think money
can buy anything.

No, sometimes you've
got to use credit cards.

Lionel... Lionel,
you can't expect

everything to be handed to you

on a silver platter.

I mean, it's all part of
the learning process.

You need literature too.

Why should I put my
life back a whole year

just because of one
professor who resents me, huh?

Lionel, you're not listening.

You leave him alone, Jenny.

George, shut up.

Mrs. Jefferson,
these rags is dirty.

So?

I can't do windows
with dirty rags.

Then wash them.

I only wash windows.
I don't do rags.

There are some
clean rags in the closet.

Don't think about me.
Y'all go on with your fight.

Don't worry.


You're one of the things
we don't think about the most.

Is he trying to butter me up?

What are you doing here?

Honey, if you don't know,

I must be cleaning
the wrong house.

I mean, why are you
here doing it today?

This is Saturday.

I can't come on my regular day.

It ain't convenient.

It ain't convenient!

That's typical

of what's wrong
with this country.

Everybody wants to
do things the easy way.

It's only this one week.

I promised my neighbor
I'd take her kids to the zoo,

but if you want to
stand around here

and argue about
it, it's okay by me,

because I'm working by the hour.

Get back in the kitchen.

Yeah, Florence, you
got the right house.

Lionel, I haven't finished.

Honey... Honey.

Can't we go someplace

where we can talk
this over... privately?

You going to keep bugging me

about not using this term paper?

Yes.

Well, then we got
nothing to talk over.

But I only want to
help you, honey.

Then do me a favor,
honey, and get off my back.

Lionel... Look, I mean it!

Professor Barton's
got me jammed,

and this is the only
way that I can make it.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

You should listen to Jenny.

Leave the boy alone,
Weezy. He's doing great.

Oh, sure.

It's great getting a degree
under false pretenses.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ain't somebody
going to get that door?

Why do you think I pay you?

Evidently to get rid
of your small change.

Jenny is right.

You're letting somebody
else do all your thinking for you.

Just like Gerald Ford does.

But he's President.

Right.

He proved he doesn't
have to be smart.

Hi, Louise.

Oh, hi. Come in. Come in.

We're not interrupting
anything, are we?

I certainly hope so.

Jenny, what are you doing here?

I'm beginning to wonder myself.

I mean, I thought
you were going out.

No, I have to help
Lionel find his head first.

Come on, Jenny, cool it, huh?

Well, you can't
run away from it.

Well, uh, Louise, George,

we've got a nice
surprise for you.

You're leaving the country?

Ah, the same old George.

Tom and I were talking about

why people only
give each other things

at Christmases and birthdays.

Because that's why
birthdays were born.

Yes, but if you like people,

any day should be a birthday.

Why wait to do something
friendly for someone?

So on our way home,

we picked these up for you.

Oh, two tickets for Chorus Line.

Oh, they're almost
impossible to get.

I've been dying
to see that show.

Couldn't you get tickets to Wiz?

George... Oh, thank you so much.

What'd you do this for?

Oh, just because we're
neighbors and friends.

You're going to love
the show, Louise.

I know.

So will you, George.

You're a natural-born
dancer anyway.

And what's that
supposed to mean?

George... I'm sorry.

Did I say something wrong again?

No, George heard
something wrong again.

We'll love the show.

Won't we, George?

Right now,

I'd love anything that
didn't argue with me.

I heard everything
you had to say, Jenny.

I just don't buy it.

I know what I'm doing.

Do I smell trouble?

Yep. You're a good smeller.

Jenny, what's the matter?

Mr. Jefferson bought
Lionel a term paper

to use in his class.

Oh, go on, tell the whole world.

Well, you're obviously
not ashamed of it.

No, I'm not.

You bought Lionel a term paper?

Why'd you do a thing like that?

Because Lionel don't know
nothing about h*m*.

What kind of a
degree are you getting?

He's taking his B.S.

But you're not really

going to use that
paper, Lionel, are you?

Sure he is.

Buying a term paper
is a terrible thing to do.

No, it ain't.

A good father's supposed
to pay for his son's education,

ain't he?

But what would happen

if everyone bought term papers?

The price would come down.

I'm hot tonight. Ha!

It's nothing to joke about.

I never joke about money.

Why didn't you just
bribe the professor?

No, no, because
that would be wrong.

Besides, the professor
don't like Lionel.

He probably wouldn't
take the money.

[VACUUM RUNS]

American Literature
is not important to me,

Mr. Willis.

What?

Never say that to
a book publisher.

No, no, no.

The important
thing is not to cheat.

This is as bad

as parents buying their
kids pocket calculators

to do their Math homework.

That's a good idea.

You only got to learn
how to do a few...

You can't stop progress.

I mean, why use a broom
when a vacuum cleaner...

Florence, stop doing that.

I can't hear myself
think with all that noise.

You're the one making it.

I can't take it.
I can't take it.

I've got to get an aspirin.

All this is giving
me a headache.

I'm surprised at you,

letting your father do this.

Can't you see he's
not helping you?

He's really hurting you.

That's what he's
doing, he's hurting you.

Jenny's right.

Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

George may make
a lot of mistakes,

but he never means
to hurt people.

He loves Lionel,

and all he wants in this world

is to see him graduate.

The wrong way.

Maybe so, but he's
doing something wrong

for the right reasons.

Louise, he's committing a fraud.

Please don't say that, Helen.

But Louise, I don't
want to hurt you,

but George is a cheat.

Now, hold it, Helen.

I want you to take that back.

No.

Anything that affects
Lionel is going to affect us.

You've said it yourself
a thousand times,

George can be stupid and wrong,

and you were right.

Well, I can say it.

You can't.

A friend should be able

to say anything to a friend.

Well, a friend who would
say anything like that

is no friend of mine.

Is that the way you want it?

Is that the way you want it?

Now, now, now. Calm down.

It's not worth breaking
up over crazy George.

Hey!

Who you are you
calling crazy, h*nky?

Don't call me "h*nky."

Why are you so
sensitive all of a sudden?

He's not the only one.

How would you like it
if I called you "n*gg*r"?

He called me "n*gg*r."

That's no worse than "h*nky."

You're right.

Nothing's worse than "h*nky"

except being married to one.

That tears it.

Come on, Tom. I'm
getting out of here.

Good!

Yes, let's go.

Oh, we've tried to be friends,

but never again.

Promises, promises.

He means it, and so do I.

If you want to
apologize to me, Louise,

you've got my phone number.

I just forgot it.

Lionel, I just hope you realize
you can get kicked out of school

if they find out
about that paper.

And how would they find out?

I could tell them.

You could what?

If you do that, then it's over.

We're through. That's it.

Well, don't worry.

I won't tell them.

Good.

Because we're through anyway.

And while you're
buying term papers,

buy yourself another girl too!

What are you staring at?

I was just thinking

I ought to bring my
neighbor's kids over here.

This place is
better than the zoo.

Well, George, I
hope you're satisfied.

You've turned your
son into a cheat,

you've made him
and Jenny break up,

and you've made me lose

one of the best
friends I ever had.

What are you going to do next?

ANNOUNCER: Be
sure to tune in next week,

when George tries
to be a matchmaker

and really fouls things up.

ANNOUNCER: The
Jeffersons was recorded on tape

in front of a studio audience.
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