02x18 - Florence's Problem

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got A
piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of
trying Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪

♪ There ain't nothin'
Wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got A
piece of the pie ♪♪

Florence? Florence?

Peek-a-boo.

Florence, what
are you playing at?

I ain't playing. I'm cleaning.

A good maid always cleans
behind the refrigerator.

You have never done it before.

Well, I ain't talking about
me. I said a good maid.

Let me help you with this.

That's all right.

Anything I pull
out I can put back,

except gray hair and bad teeth.

That reminds me,

I found a dirty picture
behind your fridge.

What?

Mm-hm. Here.

This is a picture of Lionel.

It's not dirty.

It was till I dusted it.

You know, Lionel's a
real nice young man.

You tell him

I know he's going
to be a fine engineer.

Why not tell him yourself?

Okay, if I've got time.

Which reminds
me, what time is it?

Almost 5:00. Why?

Did you have something
planned for the rest of the day?

Honey, I've got plans
for the rest of my life.

When I leave here,

I'm going to do something
I've never done before.

I'm going to the top of
the Empire State Building.

Really?

You know, I was
born in New York,

and I've never done that.

I got the idea while I was
at the movies last night.

What did you see?

Lady Sings the Blues.

I thought you'd seen that.

Mm-hm. Three times,

but I just wanted
to see it once more.

You seen it? No.

The last movie we
went to was Jaws,

and we only saw half of that
before George made us leave.

How come?

He hates fish.

He said, "The only thing

"worse than people eating fish

is fish eating people."

Look if you're in a hurry,
why don't you go on?

I'll finish up in here.

Oh, no, Mrs. Jefferson.

I want everything to be
spotless before I leave.

You just sit back
and take things easy.

I feel like the
queen of the house.

Weezy!

Well, look out,
here comes the king.

Hi, George. Anything
in the mail for me?

Uh-huh, if your
name is "Occupant."

♪ Someone's in the
kitchen With Dinah ♪

♪ Someone's in
the kitchen I know ♪

♪ Someone's in the
kitchen With Dinah ♪

♪ Strumming on the old... ♪♪

Banjo, damn it.

Wait a minute. Who's singing?

Florence.

Sounds like Gladys
Knight swallowed her pips.

She's been singing all day.

I've never seen
her so happy before.

She ought to be happy.

She's the only maid in New York
who gets paid for doing nothing.

Not today, George. She
cleaned everything in sight.

If I hadn't kept moving,

I think she'd have
cleaned me too.

She must be bucking
for another raise.

Nope, she said we already
pay her more than she's worth.

You sure that's
Florence out there?

Yeah, but she's
sure acting strange.

Hey, George, listen to this.

You may already
have won $100,000.

Yeah, and I may already be

the Grand Dragon
of the Ku Klux Klan.

"To qualify, simply answer
the following two riddles

and return your answers
to us immediately."

It's a contest.

That ain't no contest.

That's just some
promotion rip-off.

I've seen them things before.

Anybody can do them riddles.

Okay, George,
here's one for you.

"If a man wears a size 34 belt,

what size suspenders
does he wear?"

What?

"If a man wears a size..."

Let me see this.

Where do you want me
to put these cleaning rags,

Mrs. Jefferson, I
washed and ironed them.

You ironed the cleaning rags?

Look almost too good
to use, don't they?

Just put them in the closet.

"If a man wears a size 34 belt,

what size suspenders
does he wear?"

Oh, any fool can
answer that one.

I know, but I ain't asking you.

Mr. Jefferson, if you think
you're going to get me riled,

forget it.

I'm feeling so good today,
even you can't bother me.

Hmm! What's so good about today?

You want to know what's
so good about today?

Ask me how I got
to work this morning.

I know how you got to work.

You flew over on your broom.

I took a cab.

A cab?

Ain't that something?

All these years,

I've been riding that subway,

dreaming of the day

when I could take
me a cab to work,

and I finally did it.

What's so special about
coming to work in a cab?

Because you can go to
the bathroom if you want to.

Say what?

Every morning, I leave the house
feeling like I forgot something,

and it ain't till I'm
halfway to work

before I realize what it is.

And you know how
it is on the subway.

Ain't nothing you can
do in a spot like that

except sit tight and
make funny faces.

I know what you mean.

But in a cab,

you can tell the driver
to stop if you want to,

like I did this morning.

You made a cabbie
stop at a gas station?

Gas station? Uh-uh.

I made him stop at
the Waldorf Astoria.

The Waldorf Astoria?

You ever seen the
powder room there?

Mrs. Jefferson, all
you need is a stove,

and you could
raise a whole family

in a place like that.

Florence, taking a cab to work,
isn't that a little extravagant?

Well, you only live once.

I'll just get my things.

Oh, Mr. Jefferson,

seems to me if a
man wears a belt,

he don't need no suspenders.

And what about the size?

Hey, that's it, he
don't wear suspenders.

I sure got that one fast.

There's definitely
something strange

about the way
Florence is acting.

I've been telling you that

ever since you hired her.

Now, what is Lassie's
favorite vegetable?

Maybe it's love.

Love ain't a vegetable.

I'm talking about Florence.

Maybe she met somebody.

Met somebody?

What about that turkey
she's been seeing lately?

Wilber?

Oh, he's been gone
over a month now.

Gone? Where'd he go?

Florence doesn't know.

He just called her one day
and said he was leaving town.

Well, I guess I'll be going.

Oh, do you mind if I use
your phone a second?

Of course not. Go right ahead.

Come on, Weezy.

What is Lassie's
favorite vegetable?

Hello, operator?

What's the area code
for Detroit, Michigan?

Detroit? Why are
you calling Detroit?

Because that's
where my uncle lives.

313. Thank you.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Why are you calling
your uncle on my phone?

I don't think he'd hear me
if I yelled out the window.

Oh, hello, Mr. Bentley.

Hi, Mrs. J.

I'm fixing Mandarin
food tonight,

and I was wondering if I
might borrow your wok?

Sure, come in.

Thank you.

Sorry to bother you,

but Patricia likes to be wooed

to the clicking of chopsticks.

Patricia?

What happened to Daphne?

Ah, Daphne, she was
in my lasagna period.

Bentley, what you want?

He came for a wok.

Can't he go for a
walk in the park?

That's rich.

It's that big metal bowl

in the cabinet over the sink.

Will you get it for him?

Me, what do we got a maid for?

Just to make long
distance phone calls?

George, please.

Oh!

You'd better go see

if the wok is big
enough for you.

Oh, I'm certain it will be,

Patricia has a very small tummy

for a girl with such enormous...

Oh, Mr. Bentley... Appetite.

Yes?

Mr. Bentley, can I do something

I've been wanting
to do for a long time?

Certainly.

Well, I say, thank you.

No. Thank you, Mr. Bentley.

What?

Oh, okay.

Your uncle's not home?

No.

Oh, that's too bad.

Oh, it ain't important.

I haven't talked
to him in 20 years.

I just wanted to thank him

for taking me to Coney
Island when I was a little girl.

Oh, that's nice.

You know something,
Mrs. Jefferson?

Out of all the people
I've worked for,

you're my favorite.

Why thank you, Florence.
That's quite a compliment.

Oh, you wouldn't think so if
you saw some of them others.

Here, this is something
special of mine.

I want you to have it.

Florence.

And tell Mr. Jefferson
I say goodbye too.

Thanks, Mrs. J.

What?

Oh, sure, Mr. Bentley.

I see you're entering
the contest too.

Are you kidding?

Those things are
a waste of time.

Oh, I don't know.
I've sent mine off.

You never can tell

when lady luck might
decide to pay a call.

Actually, I thought
cauliflower was rather good.

Cauliflower?

Well, yes,

Lassie's favorite
vegetable, "Collie-flower."

Cauliflower!

I was going to put sauerkraut.

Sauerkraut?

I thought Lassie was
a German Shepherd.

Aren't you going to send it in?

It ain't worth it.

If Bentley got the answer,

that means millions of idiots

already got it.

You're right. Why
make it one more?

George, look at this.

Florence gave it to me.

"Third place,
50-yard backstroke,

Harlem summer swim meet, 1947."

Oh, what do you
think that means?

It means there were two chicks
that could swim faster than her.

George, there's...

Look, I don't want to hear
no more about Florence.

Understand? No
more about Florence.

Hey, Mom, what's with Florence?

She's everywhere.

What is it, Lionel?

I just saw her downstairs,

and she talked real mysterious,

like she was going
on a trip or something.

See?

She was telling Ralph
to give this to you,

but when she saw me,

she asked me to bring it up.

She said not to
open it until tomorrow.

I wonder what's inside?

Only one way to find out.

George, I'm not supposed
to open it till tomorrow.

Okay, you open it
tomorrow, I'll open it today.

"Dear Mrs. Jefferson,

"Thank you for everything.

Goodbye. Love Florence."

Hey, that's strange.

It almost sounds
like a su1c1de note.

Get out of here.

Everybody knows black
folks don't commit su1c1de.

su1c1de?

That is ridiculous.

Will you stop thinking that way?
You see how happy she was today?

Laughing and singing
all over the place.

There's something
strange about the way...

Will you stop making a
mountain out of dumb maid?

She said herself she
was enjoying life today,

took a cab for the first time.

There's something else

she was going to
do for the first time.

Yeah, what was that?

She was going to the top
of the Empire State Building.

You're sure?

Thank you.

Florence's phone has
been disconnected.

I ain't surprised,
if she runs around

spending her money taking
cabs to the john at Waldorf.

I'm sure something's wrong.

Will you stop worrying about it?

Nothing's going
to happen to her.

Lionel will find her first.

But he's been gone
for over an hour.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, I hope that's him.

Hi, Louise.

Ralph said you wanted to
see us the moment we got in.

Oh, Tom, Helen, come in.

What's the matter, Louise?

It's Florence.

What about Florence?

Put your packages down, Tom.

Florence came over today,

and cleaned the apartment

like it's never been
cleaned before.

Yep, she cleaned
it good for a change.

She cleaned everything.

So?

She did it without griping.

That is strange.

And she kissed Mr. Bentley.

Now, that is strange,
even for a white woman.

And when she left,
she gave me this.

"Third place,
50-yard backstroke."

Louise thinks Florence
is going to k*ll herself.

Just because she came in third?

No, because of this.

"Thank you for everything.
Goodbye. Love, Florence."

Oh, Louise.

And she said she was going

to the top of the
Empire State Building.

Weezy, I already told
you, there's no way

Florence could jump off
the Empire State building.

It's fenced in.

He's right about that, Louise.

Of course, if she really wanted

to jump from the
Empire State Building,

she could just jump out
of one of the windows.

This seems pretty serious.

Florence ain't
the kind of person

that would do
something like that.

Why not?

Like I said, she's black.

You don't have to be
any special kind of person

to commit su1c1de.

Yes, you do. You've
got to be crazy.

No, that's not true at all.

Most people who consider
su1c1de are simply lonely.

And crazy.

You've got to be crazy

to be lonely in
a city like this.

A crowd is the
loneliest place, George.

Uh-oh. We'd better keep
an eye on this guy too.

Tom did a lot of
research on su1c1de

for a book they published.

You see, George,

Florence could be
jumping right now.

Yeah, she's probably
jumping in the cab to the Hilton.

She's probably flushing
at every hotel in town.

You know, the su1c1de
rate among black women

is rising higher
than any other group.

That ain't so surprising.

They keep marrying
people like you.

George, this is serious.

No, it ain't.

Why would Florence want to die?

She probably
doesn't want to die.

More likely, she
wants to be saved.

Then she should go to church.

But if she really
wants to be saved,

why didn't she
come out and say so?

Well, maybe she
did, in her own way.

Huh?

Well she left these clues,
a note, a prized possession.

I think she was
crying out for help.

Do you have any idea
what you're saying?

She needs help.

I wish there was
something we could do.

Mrs. Jefferson.

Florence.

Mrs. Jefferson, I
didn't steal no $500.

$500?

She is crazy.

Look, I don't know what
happened to your money,

but I ain't took one red cent,

and you ought to know
better than to say I did.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Mom, I had to tell her
something to get her back here.

You mean you lied to me?

I'm afraid so, Florence.
There's no money missing.

But why?

Where'd you find her?

Outside the Empire State,
standing on the sidewalk.

What was she going to
do? Jump off the curb?

Jump?

I'm sorry, Florence,

I thought you were
planning to jump

from the top of the
Empire State Building.

You must think I'm crazy.

Have you got any idea
how painful that would be?

Smack!

Oh.

Florence, sit down.

Florence, why did you
give me this ribbon?

Don't you like it?

Florence, we're only
trying to help you.

Why did you give that to Louise?

Well, because in my whole life,

that's the only
thing I ever won,

except for a goldfish I
got at the carnival once.

Dumb thing d*ed after two days.

And what about this?

You weren't supposed to
open that until tomorrow.

"Thank you for
everything. Goodbye."

Does this mean
you are leaving us?

Yes.

Where are you going?

I'm going to God's
house, Mr. Jefferson.

Church? She does
want to be saved.

No, not church,
God's house in the sky.

Oh, Florence.

I thought you said you
weren't going to jump.

I ain't going to jump.

I'm scared of heights.

But you were going to.

I've got enough pills saved up

to do it all peacefully
and quietly.

I'll just take them
when I go to bed tonight.

Do you realize
what you're saying?

Sure.

When I wake up in the morning,

I'll be riding that chariot
to the land of glory.

We are not going to
let you do this, Florence.

Why?

Well, well, because it's wrong.

And it's stupid.

What's stupid about
wanting to go to heaven?

Don't you want to go to heaven?

Yeah, but I'll wait
until he sends for me.

Why wait?

I mean, up there,
there ain't no food bills,

ain't no rent.

Yes, Jesus.

Ain't no hassling,
ain't no dirt,

and glory hallelujah,

don't nobody never
have to clean up up there.

You think God's going to
approve of your k*lling yourself?

Well, why should he mind?

I'm just helping him do his job.

But, Florence, what
if there is no heaven?

What if you die,

and they just put
you in the ground.

Yep, then you spend
the rest of your life

covered with dirt.

Well, in that case,

waiting ain't going to
change nothing, is it?

Look, I've been thinking
about this for a while,

ever since Wilber dumped
me, as a matter of fact.

Florence, how many
times have you been in love

in the last five years?

How many fingers you got?

Ten.

Well, throw in a couple of toes.

Doesn't that tell you anything?

Oh, it ain't just that.

Wilber was a turkey, anyway.

It's just that, well,
look at you all,

you've got families,
you've got nice homes,

you've got so much money

that you can even afford
to be sick if you want to.

All I've got is a sore back.

You've got plenty to live for.

Money isn't everything.

Well, ain't that a blip.

If you are telling the truth,

how many of you all
would trade places with me?

Well, come on, raise your hands.

Mm-hm. Carried unanimously.

Check out now, Florence.

I think you are
being pretty selfish.

Don't you care
how your friends feel

if you do something like this?

What friends?

All I've got is floors to
scrub and windows to clean.

We are your friends.

You are my employers.

We are your
friends too, Florence.

We care about you.

About me?

I'm only the maid,

and I ain't even a
very good one at that.

She's right about that.
She's a terrible maid.

Well, in your case, honey,
you get as good as you deserve.

We only hired you because
nobody else wanted you.

You mean I only took the job
because nobody else would.

We only let you keep
it because we love you.

You what?

Don't you see?

You're more to us
than just a maid.

You're like one of the family.

Lord, I thought
black folks only heard

that one in white homes.

If we didn't love you,

do you think we'd be
worried about you like this?

Oh, you're just saying that,

because I said I was
going to k*ll myself.

Hey, wait a minute.
You calling my wife a liar?

No, I just... You
know how many fights

Weezy and I have
had because of you?

I'm going to tell you the truth.

A couple of times,

you made me so mad,
I was going to fire you,

but Weezy said she
wouldn't talk to me if I did.

So, look, if you
want to k*ll yourself,

go right ahead.

But if you do, you
damn well better realize

that you'd be hurting somebody
who really cares about you.

Oh, Mrs. Jefferson, I
don't want to hurt you.

Then don't do it, Florence.

Oh, Mrs. Jefferson.

Florence, Florence.

I've got to get something
to blow my nose.

I think she's going
to be okay now.

Yeah, now maybe.

What about tomorrow?

Yeah, if she thought
about k*lling herself once,

she could do it again.

Not according to the experts.

Just because somebody
thinks of su1c1de once,

doesn't mean they
keep on thinking about it.

Florence just found out

that somebody
really cares for her.

By tomorrow,

she'll have forgotten
all about those pills.

The pills!

She's got them in the bathroom.

Never mind the pills. What
about the razor blades?

Florence, you mess
up that bathroom,

I'll k*ll you.

Florence, you didn't take them?

No.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

I just got rid of them.

I won't be needing them now.

I'm sorry.

Well, you know.

Well, that's that. I
guess I'll be going now.

Florence, why don't you

come up and have
dinner with us tonight?

She can't. She's
having dinner with us.

I am?

That's a wonderful idea, George.

Why don't we all
have dinner together?

Oh.

Why? They wasn't
going to k*ll themselves.

George!

We'll be back in half an hour.

And listen, Florence,

if you ever get to
feeling blue again,

I want you to promise to
come and talk to me or Louise

right away, you hear?

I promise.

Good, well, I hope you're
having soul food tonight.

Thanks for everything,
Mr. Jefferson.

It was real nice of you
asking me to dinner.

It was my pleasure, Florence.

What would you like to drink?

Oh, don't mind if I do.

I'd like a scotch and soda.

Good. Make one for me too.

ANNOUNCER: The
Jeffersons was recorded on tape

in front of a studio audience.