02x19 - Mother Jefferson's Birthday

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got A
piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of
trying Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪

♪ There ain't nothin'
Wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got A
piece of the pie ♪♪

Ahh, mm. Marvelous.

Right on the spot.

Sunday is supposed to be
my day of rest, you know.

Oh, splendid.

Ah, Mr. J, I thank you
from the bottom of my back.

Would you like some
coffee, Mr. Bentley?

Oh, no, thank you.

I've butted in on
you long enough.

Oh, we don't mind.

Long as you remember
to butt out too.

Well, toodle pip.

At least I can enjoy
the rest of my weekend,

now that you've fixed
my weak end, eh?

Woof.

His weak end ain't
that end of his back.

It's that end.

Now, look, I don't want no
more interruptions, Weezy.

You hear?

No more.

Ah, Mrs. Jefferson,
how are you today?

I'm wonderful.

After all, it's a very
special day for me.

Oh, really? Why?

Oh, I don't want everybody
making a big fuss about it,

so I'd rather not say.

I understand perfectly.

Well, goodbye.

It's my birthday!

Your birthday? How marvelous.

Happy birthday.

Oh, thank you.

Did you just come from
my son's apartment?

Yes.

Tell me, did you notice
anything special there?

Well, I thought the
carpet was very clean.

I mean, did you see
my birthday cake?

Well, no. All I saw was
some prune Danish.

I expect George
wants to surprise me.

Well, I hope you
enjoy your surprise,

whatever it is.

Oh, I will.

George will be planning
something very big.

After all, 70 is a
very special birthday.

Oh, I say, three score and 10!

[RINGS DOORBELL]

That should be quite an event.

I remember

my Uncle Alistair's
70th birthday.

The entire Bentley family
gathered in a dark room,

and when he walked in,

we all jumped out at him
and yelled, "Happy birthday!"

I bet your uncle
was thrilled to death.

What a nice way of putting it.

Still, I don't think
that's what caused it.

Caused what?

His fatal heart att*ck.

Have a wonderful day. Goodbye.

Hey, hello, Mama!

And?

And what?

Just "hello, Mama"?

Don't you have
anything else to say?

Oh, yeah. Come on in.

Hello, Mother Jefferson.
What a surprise.

Oh, what a surprise.

You're pulling my leg.

Are you feeling all
right, Mother Jefferson?

I'm feeling
wonderful for my age.

I hope I'm not interrupting
anything special.

Oh, no.

As a matter of fact,

George was just saying
how nice it would be

to have some
interruptions today.

Oh, George can't
fool me for a minute.

I could always read
his mind, you know.

You could?

I can almost read it myself.

It's saying,

"What's your mother
talking about?"

Shame on you, Louise.
You're almost as bad as he is.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That's the nicest
compliment I've had all week.

Oh, Mr. Bentley!

Is your back out again?

No, no, no. It's
much worse than that.

It's this.

Oh, is that all?

I can sew that up for you.

It's not the hole
that's the problem.

It's what fell through
it... My threepenny bit.

Your what?

My threepenny bit.

It must have rolled out

while you were
walking on my back.

Uh, this may sound
like a silly question,

but what is a threepenny bit?

Oh, it's a small British coin

worth three pennies.

Actually,

it was worth three
pennies some years ago,

only there's no such thing
as a threepenny bit in England

anymore,

not since they went
to the decimal system.

In fact, threepence

would be more
like sixpence today.

Bentley...

Only they don't have
sixpences anymore either.

Bentley, here's a nickel.
You can keep the change.

You don't understand, Mr. J.

It's my lucky threepenny bit.

It couldn't have been that
lucky or it wouldn't have got lost.

But it is.

It's been with me since
the Christmas of '55.

Would you like to hear about it?

No.

I'd gone into the woods
outside Hertfordshire

in search of a Christmas tree,

and I was chopping down
this rather nice Scottish pine

when a sudden
gust of wind came up

and blew the tree over in
an unexpected direction,

completely crushing
the bonnet of my Riley.

That's terrible. Who's Riley?

It's an old automobile.

But another foot to the left

and the tree would have
landed squarely on Susan.

Good thing you didn't
have an unlucky coin.

Let me help you find it
so you can get out of here.

But I haven't told you
the really lucky part yet.

See, I had to trudge seven
miles through the snow

to the nearest telephone,

and when I got there,

I found that the only
coin in my possession

was the threepenny bit,

which, of course, wouldn't
work in the telephone.

Well, wait a minute.

The tree ruined your car,
you girl almost got k*lled,

and your coin wouldn't
work in the phone.

What's so lucky about that?

Susan and I had to
spend the night together

in the back seat of the Riley,

and if you knew Susan
like I got to know Susan...

Is that it?

By George, you've
done it, Mr. J.

What a relief.

Are you all right?

Perfectly all right,

thanks to my lucky
coin, of course.

Well, I'll... Oh,
I almost forgot.

That special little thing
going all right, Mrs. Jefferson?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Ah, mum's the word, eh, Mum?

Well, goodbye.

There, you see? You see?

If I didn't have my
lucky coin with me,

that could have
been quite nasty.

Hm, that weirdo's
getting weirder.

Oh, my, that takes me back.

I remember bumping into a
door when I was a small girl.

I had a lump out to here.

I was chasing after Emma

because she'd
taken my favorite doll.

Who's Emma?

Mama's sister.

How come I've never
heard of her before?

Because her and Mama

haven't spoken to
each other for years.

That was Emma's fault, not mine.

They had this big
fight over nothing.

It was not over nothing.
Emma cheated me.

When did she do that?

25 years ago.

You haven't spoken for 25 years?

Not since Friday,
February the 9th, 1951.

How can you remember
it was a Friday?

That's bingo
night at the church.

And that's what the
fight was all about.

We used to go to bingo together,

and this particular night,

the first prize was
an electric blanket,

and I wanted that
blanket, Louise.

Go on. What happened?

Well, I had to go
to the bathroom,

so I asked Emma
to play my bingo card

while I was gone,

and when I came back,
Emma had won the blanket.

Well, you came close.

I came closer than that.

She won the prize with my card.

Now, Mama, it could
have been Emma's card.

The card was mine.

Because my card had
a nine in the top corner.

And Emma kept the blanket?

Yep, and Mama said she'd
never speak to her again

unless she admitted that
she won with Mama's card,

and Emma said she'd
never speak to Mama again

until she apologized
for calling her a cheat.

But doesn't it seem silly

to keep a fight
going all these years

just over a bingo card?

The nine was mine!

Okay, okay.

Emma never used to be
like that when we were young,

even though she
was a tattletale.

She was such a
lot of fun to be with.

It seems such a shame
to be wasting all this time

when you two could be together.

Yeah, I really loved her.

I wish she'd come to her
senses and admit she was wrong.

Well, would you
like a cup of coffee?

Oh, all right.

I expect we're
having the champagne

later on?

What champagne?

Oh, Louise, you can't fool
me with your straight face.

But I... Hello, Grandma.

Oh, hello, Lionel.

Well, now, isn't this nice?

Here I am in my golden years,

in the home of my wonderful
son and my handsome grandson...

and my daughter-in-law.

Yeah. Nice, ain't it?

Well, now that you're all here,

why don't you all
say it together?

Say what together?

You know, "it."

George, before you say, "it,"

can I see you in the
kitchen for a minute, please?

Right away, Weezy.

Oh ho, so that's where it is.

I hope so.

George, what is the
matter with your mother?

She's acting
crazy, even for her.

I was hoping you could tell me.

Maybe she's already
had her bloody marys.

At 10:00 in the morning?

You're right.

She never drinks before noon.

I suppose you know
what it is, Lionel.

What what is?

"It."

Haven't your mother
and father told you

about this being a special
day for someone very special?

No, they haven't told
me anything like that.

Lionel, look me in the eye.

Ever since you
were a little boy,

I could tell when
you were fibbing,

and I don't like this one bit.

Hey, Grandma,
I'm not lying to you.

That's what I don't like.

Huh?

You're not fibbing.

Oh, that mother of yours.

What about her?

She made your poor
father forget my birthday.

[CRIES]

Hey, come on, Grandma.

Nobody forgot your birthday.

Mom and Pop are planning
a great surprise for you.

And you're not
fibbing this time?

Hey, have they ever
forgotten your birthday?

No. See?

Now, don't ask me any more,

because I don't want
to spoil the surprise.

What surprise?

The surprise.

Her birthday surprise.

The one we're not supposed
to say anything about

because it's today.

Oh, yeah!

What did you go
and tell her for?

Mama, this is going
to be the best birthday

you ever had.

I knew it. When do we start?

Oh, uh, I was thinking later,

much later today.

Good.

I was so excited
about my birthday,

I didn't sleep a
wink last night.

Will I have time for a
nap before my surprise?

Plenty of time.

Take two naps, Mama,

and when you wake up,
it's going to be your day,

the best birthday you ever had.

It should be.

After all, when you
reach three score and 10...

Mother Jefferson,
I can't believe it.

You finally told us your age.

You're 70 years old.

I like three score
and 10 better.

Why?

Because that's how
they say it in the Bible,

and when you did
reach three score and 10,

you were somebody special,

and they waited on
you hand and foot.

Seems like I've been
doing that for years.

And you've still
got a lot to learn.

Now, don't let me
sleep past my surprise.

Oh, it's Mama's birthday.

How could you forget it, Pop?

Don't blame me.
It ain't my fault.

Who's fault is it?

The government's.

The government's?

Yeah.

They moved George
Washington's birthday on me.

George, I've heard
some wild excuses, but...

That's the way I used to
remember Mama's birthday,

two days after
George Washington's,

but they won't let George's
birthday rest in peace.

They keep shifting it around.

Well, George, you'd
better think of something,

and quick, because your mother

is expecting a big surprise.

Yeah, you're right, Weezy.
What am I going to do?

Oh, I got it.

Here, Lionel.

What's this for?

A birthday cake.
Go out and buy one.

But where am I going to
get a birthday cake from now?

In a bakery!

Don't they teach you
nothing in college?

I mean,

how's the baker going
to make a special cake

so fast?

With dough!

Well, that's that.

Quick thinking, huh?

Yeah.

Except you forgot
one little thing.

What?

The big surprise your
mother is expecting.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah, what am I going to do?

I've got an idea.

What?

I know the perfect
present for your mother.

What?

Instead of giving her something,

give her somebody.

Yeah, you're right, Weezy.

We'll give her your
maid, Florence.

George, be serious.

Who's been on your mother's mind

a lot lately?

Me.

No, someone else.

You, when she's mad.

No, no, George.

Who is it your mother misses
and would love to see again?

I got it. I got it.

Wait till you hear my idea.

I'm going to call up Aunt Emma,

and I'm going to talk
her into coming over here.

That'll be the best present
Mama could ever get.

Now, why didn't I think of that?

Because you're used to
me handling everything.

Aunt Emma. I'm glad you're home.

Guess who this is.

Your favorite nephew.

No, it ain't Elvis.

It's George. George.

Jefferson.

Look. No, no.
Hold it, Aunt Emma.

She didn't tell
me to do nothing.

She don't even know I'm calling,

but it's Mama's birthday today,

and I was just hoping
that maybe you could...

But that was so long ago.

I bet you don't even remember
what the fight was about.

Number nine, huh?

On Friday, February 9, 1951.

Can't you let
bygones be bygones?

I mean, Mama
would love to see you,

and I was just hoping
that you could come...

But... That... Okay, okay. Bye.

She's not coming.

No, something important came up.

Oh, that's too bad. What is it?

Kojak's on tonight.

Where are you going?

Oh, I don't know.

I've got to go buy
Mama something.

What are you going to get?

I don't know. I'll just look
in all the store windows.

Then you'd better
take a brick with you.

Why?

All the stores are closed
on Sunday. Remember?

I hope Pop finds a nice present.

Well, at least we've got a cake.

Hey, Mom, how many candles
will you put on Grandma's cake?

Well, if I put the right amount,
there'll be more wax than cake.

So I think I'll just
put on seven, for 70.

No wonder this city's
going down the drain.

Nobody's working on
Sunday. Everything's closed.

Couldn't you find anything?

Nope.

Boy, if Grandma
doesn't get a present,

she's going to feel terrible.

How do you think
I'm going to feel?

She's going to hate me.

No, George,

she'll somehow find a
way to blame it all on me.

Yeah.

Oh, come on, Weezy,
what are we going to do?

Pop, maybe there's
something around the apartment

that would make a nice present.

That's dumb. Why?

I already thought of it.

But there must be a
thousand things around here.

Look, there's
nothing around here...

Hey, hey, that's it.

Lionel, you are one smart kid.

How did I get promoted
from dumb to smart

so fast?

You said a thousand.

That's what I'm
going to give Mama,

a check for a thousand bucks.

Ha.

Couldn't you have
said a hundred?

George, I really don't
think your mother

is going to like that check.

Oh. Should I make it 2,000?

No!

Uh, no.

What I mean is,

your mother's expecting
something special

for her birthday,
something personal.

And that's exactly
what she's going to get.

This is from my personal
checking account.

I'm so excited, I
couldn't sleep a wink.

But Grandma,

you've been in there
an hour and a half.

You must have slept.

Just resting my eyes.

That's right, Lionel,

but the rest of her
was wide awake.

Mama, close your eyes
and hold out your hands.

Ooh, I'm so excited.

I know this is going to
be something very special.

Happy birthday, Ma.

Oh, George, it's...
Only a check for $1,000.

I told you I should
have made it two.

It's not the gift that counts.

It's the thought.

And you didn't put very
much thought into this,

did you, George?

Here.

Sure I did, Ma.

On a special birthday like this,

a last-minute check
is not a present.

It's an insult.

But Mama... [DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it.

Go get the cake.
Maybe it'll cheer her up.

Aunt Emma.

Hey, look who's
here. It's Aunt Emma!

Hello, George.

Emma.

Olivia.

Oh...

Oh, Emma, I'm so glad to
see you after all these years.

Too many years,
Olivia, all wasted.

You're so right. I...

Wait. What brings you here?

Well, I was talking to George...

Oh, George, forgive me.

You didn't forget.

You've given me the
best birthday surprise

in the whole world.

Hello, Aunt Emma. I'm Louise.

Hello, Louise. I'm
so glad to see you.

You'll never know how
glad we are to see you,

Aunt Emma.

And here's a little
present I brought to you.

Oh, and I didn't
get anything for you.

Well, how could you?

You didn't know I was coming.

That's right.

Oh, an electric blanket!

To replace the one
that you should have had

25 years ago.

Oh, no, I was wrong.
It was your bingo card.

Oh, no, Olivia.

If you said that was your card,

then it was your
card, and I was wrong.

Yes, you were, weren't you?

Oh, Emma, you're so good.

George, isn't that beautiful?

Yeah.

You know, I started not to come,

and then I thought,
how can I stay away

from my sister's 75th birthday?

75th?

70.

I'm only 70 and you know it.

Olivia, you're 75.

I'm 70.

You're my older sister.

You're five years older.

Emma, you always
were a blabbermouth

and you still are.

And you haven't changed a bit.

Always trying to be
something that you're not...

Younger!

No, I'm not.

I'm 70.

You're 75. Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

Okay, hold it, you two.

Do you know what you're doing?

You're fighting
over numbers again.

Do you want to go
through another 25 years

without seeing each other?

No.

Olivia's right.

I was always
terrible at arithmetic.

She's only 70.

No, I'm not.

I'm 75, three-quarters
of a century.

Can anybody else
in this room say that?

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Mama ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪♪

Now, make a wish.

Do you know how
old I'm going to be

on my next birthday?

76.

85.

What?

Yes, I've been thinking.

I look all right for 75,

but for 85, I look fantastic!

[♪♪♪]

ANNOUNCER: The
Jeffersons was recorded on tape

in front of a studio audience.