♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ We've finally got
A piece of the pie ♪
♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪
♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪
♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪
♪ Just to get up that hill ♪
♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪
♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪
♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪
♪ There ain't nothin'
Wrong with that ♪
♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ We've finally got
A piece of the pie ♪♪
Are you gonna
take me to Nob Hill?
Yep.
And Fisherman's Wharf? Yep.
Oh, and we've just
gotta ride the cable cars!
We're gonna do
all that and more.
Hey, Weezy, I think I got
my speech all memorized.
Listen and see
if I get it right.
Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]
That's not in here.
What's not in here?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Weezy...
I'm just kidding,
George. Go ahead.
Thank you, Mr. Reynolds.
Who's Mr. Reynolds?
He's the chairman of the
dry cleaning convention.
He's gonna introduce me.
Well, you didn't have
to write that down.
That's not part of your speech.
Look, Weezy, when
my mouth starts moving,
everything that comes
out is part of my speech.
Oh!
Then you ought to
write down "A-heh-hem."
Weezy, there are gonna
be a thousand people
listening to my speech
tomorrow morning.
If all you can do
is stand there...
I'm sorry, George. Go ahead.
Ladies and gentlemen, you see
standing before you a black man.
No kidding!
Why ain't you packing?
Because I'm through. Oh.
So you see standing
before you a black man
who did it on his own
without any help from anybody.
I am a self-made man.
That's nice.
Thank you, Florence.
I mean, it's nice that you take
all the blame for
how you turned out.
Don't you have anything to do?
I'm on my coffee break.
Then why don't you
go drink some coffee?
I don't have to drink
coffee on my coffee break.
I can do anything I want to.
And if I want to waste
my time listening to you,
I can do that too.
GEORGE: Florence!
But I think coffee
would do me more good.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
You know, I think we
made a mistake, Weezy.
We should have sent
her packing months ago.
Say "cheddar"!
Ha! There you are, Mr. J.
In just 60 seconds, you'll
be smiling up at yourself.
Look, Bentley, I don't have
time to pause for snapshots.
I'm just bringing
over my camera.
Mrs. Jefferson asked if she
could borrow it for your trip.
Oh, that's great! Thanks.
And thank you for walking
on my back this morning.
As usual, it did the trick.
You have magic feet, Mr. J.
Ha-ha! Yeah, I played soul
music on your slipped disk.
Hey, Weezy, Bentley
brought his camera over.
Oh, thank you. Are
you sure you don't mind?
Oh, not a bit.
Just be sure to bring me back
a picture of that dear
old Mark Hopkins.
Look, Bentley, we won't have
time to visit all your buddies.
The Mark Hopkins
is a hotel, George.
I knew that.
Yes, four of the most
fabulous days of my life.
Frisco and Frederica.
Ah, Frederica. A girl with
a wonderful one-track mind.
Oh, Mr. Bentley!
Oh, no! I mean she was
crazy about cable cars.
We rang the bell all weekend.
Hey, this don't look like me.
This is some big fat white guy.
Oh, that's my finger!
I keep putting it in front
of the lens. I'm sorry.
Would you like some coffee?
Oh, no, thank
you. I've got to go.
The Lebanese problem
again, I'm afraid.
Oh, that would drive me crazy
if I had a job like yours
at the United Nations.
All those countries
arguing and fighting!
Oh, this isn't at the UN.
It's downstairs in the garage.
In the where?
I'm having a problem
again with Mr. Babakian,
the Lebanese gentleman
who parks next to me.
What kind of problem?
Dings.
What's "dings"?
Oh, dings are caused by dunches.
Oh, I see.
What's "dunches"?
A dunch is... Well...
It's when someone
parks too close to you
and when he gets out, he
hits your car with his door.
Dunch!
Which makes a dent,
which leaves a ding.
So the dunches' dents have
damaged your door with dings.
I think she's got it!
You mean this guy
keeps hitting your car?
Yes, I've tried
phoning him about it,
but he just hangs up on me.
So I wrote him a rather nice
letter but he never replied.
Then there's only
one thing left to do.
What's that? Take
him to Knuckle City.
George, that's terrible advice.
Oh, I don't think I could do
it anyway, Mrs. Jefferson.
See, that's what's wrong with
you, Bentley. You're too nice.
But don't you think problems
should be settled by
peaceful negotiation?
Of course I do!
That's what I'm saying.
You just walk up to
Babakian and you say,
"Look, stop putting
dings in my car."
And if he says no, you
put a dunch on his head.
I thought a dunch
was something you did
with doughnuts and coffee.
Ain't you got some
last-minute packing to do?
Oh, how nice, Florence. You're
going to San Francisco too, eh?
Oh, not me, Mr. Bentley.
Only rich bosses get to make
them kind of exciting trips.
People in lowly
positions like me
just have to stay behind
and do the scrubbing...
Florence!
Yes, ma'am. I'm packing.
And I'm gonna put two bottles
of aspirin in for your flight.
Flying doesn't give
me a headache.
I know, but
listening to him will.
Mr. Bentley, don't
listen to George.
v*olence isn't the
answer to anything.
All right, look. So you
don't have to hit Babakian.
Just act like you might hit him.
By Jove! I'm going to try that.
I'll march angrily
up to his door.
Good.
I'll knock on it
very angrily. Good.
And then, when
he opens the door...
You'll start talking
polite again.
How did you guess?
Okay, here's what you do.
You just write a real tough note
and stick it on his
windshield wiper.
Oh, good idea!
Something really strong, like,
"Dear sir, I wonder if
you'd be kind enough
to please refrain from..."
If this is the way you guys
talk at the United Nations,
no wonder the world's in a mess.
Come here!
See, Bentley, first you
gotta get his attention, right?
I'm gonna give you this,
and I want you to put this
on his windshield wiper.
And I guarantee you, all
your troubles will be over.
[LAUGHS]
Well, thank you.
Here.
"Dear turkey,
"Stop busting my car door or
I'm gonna jump on your hood
and go upside your head"?
Isn't that a little strong,
coming from Mr. Bentley?
He's gotta be strong, Weezy.
Well, you're right,
but... No buts, Bentley!
It's about time you stopped
letting people push you around.
Three days?
I could live out of these
bags for four months.
And six pair of undershorts?
That's sinful.
Florence... [TELEPHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Yes, this is he.
Who?
Oh, hi, Bentley! Hey!
What? Did you do it?
Huh?
Damn right! I wanna hear
all about it. I'll be right down.
Weezy, Bentley did it. Wants
me to meet him at Charley's Bar.
But, George, we've
got a plane to catch!
Relax, Weezy. The
plane don't leave till 5:00.
We still got three hours.
Oh, Mrs. Jefferson, I can't
wait for y'all to get back.
I know, Florence.
You'll be lonely.
Oh, it ain't that.
I figure that if Tony Bennett
can leave his heart
in San Francisco,
maybe Mr. Jefferson
could leave his mouth.
Hey, Bentley. I see my
note worked for you, huh?
It certainly did.
Damn!
Boy, that is some shiner!
You're gonna have to do
something about that, quick!
Oh, I am. I'm drinking
just as quick as I can.
Two more doubles, please.
What happened?
I gave him your note,
he gave me this eye.
And then what did you
do? Well, I said, "Ouch."
Then I tried to reason with him.
Reason? You mean
you didn't hit him back?
Mr. J, I couldn't.
I don't believe in v*olence.
That ain't v*olence.
That's revenge.
So I tried reasoning with him.
He made two suggestions.
A, he told me what I
could do with my car...
which is impossible.
B, he told me I should
park on the street,
which I did.
Bentley, you know,
you're hopeless.
You'll never be
nothing but a nice guy.
Mr. J, please don't go.
There's something I
ought to explain to you.
Do you notice anything
about these hands?
Yeah, they're white.
They're dangerous weapons.
Once, when I was
a lad in school,
my friend Monty
made me so furious
I couldn't restrain my anger.
I drew back my fist, lashed out,
and Monty lost three teeth.
You hit him in the mouth?
No, I never hit
anyone in my life.
Then how did he
lose three teeth?
I swung, Monty ducked,
and he banged his
mouth on the desk.
At that moment, I vowed never
to raise my hand in anger again.
Why? You didn't hit nobody.
But if it hadn't been for me,
Monty wouldn't
have lost his teeth.
Can't you see my position?
Yeah, I see, Bentley.
You a coward.
Mr. J, that's an
ugly thing to say.
Well, it's the truth.
I didn't say it
wasn't the truth,
just that it was ugly.
Mr. J, you've opened
my eyes for me.
All these years, I've been
nothing but an abject coward.
Right on, Bentley.
I mean, there's a time
for negotiation, yes,
but there is also
a time for action.
Now's the time
for action, right?
Right!
Mr. J, you're looking
at a new Harry Bentley.
Attaboy, Bentley.
From now on, nobody
pushes you around, right?
You're damn right they won't!
I mean, a man's
car is his castle.
Anyone touches me or my
castle had better beware.
Hey, you, don't you know better
than to park in
front of a hydrant?
There. Is that what you meant?
Not a cop, Bentley! Not a cop!
♪ Nobody knows ♪
♪ The trouble I've seen ♪
♪ Nobody knows my sorrow ♪
♪ Nobody knows... ♪
POLICEMAN: Okay,
inside, Bressler.
Ah, Mr. Bressler, was it?
I'd like to introduce myself.
My name is Bentley,
Harry Bentley.
I got enough friends.
What a fortunate man!
Get your butt off of my bunk!
I beg your pardon?
I said get your
butt off of my bunk!
Let's get one thing straight.
That is my bunk,
and that is your bunk.
Why?
Shut up, that's why.
Oh, I see your point.
I... I didn't realize the
bunks were assigned.
I'm terribly sorry.
Won't happen
again, I assure you.
Get your foot off of my bunk!
Sorry.
How do you suggest
I get on my bunk?
Try flying.
You're a jailbird, ain't you?
What they got you in here for?
Picking daisies in the park?
No, I hit a policeman.
You what?
Yes, I knocked him flat.
Hey, pal, come over
here and sit down.
Tell me all about it!
On your bunk?
On our bunk.
Hey, what happened?
Did he hassle you?
No, he just walked up to
me and asked me a question,
and I hit him.
Wow. Beautiful!
Beautiful?
They're going to incarcerate
me for what I've done.
Nah, they don't
burn people no more.
They just send you
up to the big house
for a couple of years.
Oh, Lord.
Listen, you got
nothing to worry about.
It'll be a breeze.
When those guys up
there find out you hit a cop,
they'll roll out the
red carpet for you.
You'll be a celebrity!
Hey, Bentley! I got
here as fast as I could.
I made your bail. You're free.
Oh, thank you, Mr. J.
Oh, I beg your pardon.
I'd like you to meet
my friend, Mr. Bressler.
Um, Mr. Bressler,
this is my dear friend...
I ain't got no time
to meet no cons.
I got a plane to catch at 5:00.
Come on!
Oh, in a moment.
Goodbye, Mr. Bressler.
Yeah, so long, pal.
Keep punching, if you
know what I mean, huh?
[LAUGHING]
Oh! Let's go!
I'm afraid I can't.
Why not?
I need your feet again. Be
a good fellow, would you?
Bentley, I got a
cab waiting outside.
I'm afraid I won't
make it to the cab.
[GROANS]
[SIGHS]
Oh, that's it! Yes! Oh,
marvelous! That's heaven.
I don't get it. First
this guy slugs a cop.
Then he lets this little
runt walk all over him.
Mmm! Oh!
Come on, Weezy. I got
a cab waiting downstairs.
We still could
make the 5:00 flight.
You mean everything went
fine down at the police station?
Perfect. Everything
is just perfect.
♪ California Here we come ♪
Mwah!
Oh, that's marvelous, George.
You actually got
Mr. Bentley off!
Sure, just paid his bail
and got him out of jail.
Is that all?
What do you mean, "Is that all"?
It cost me $500.
Weezy, what are you doing?
We got a plane to catch.
Not until you get
Mr. Bentley off.
What?
We are not going
to any convention
until you clear
up this business.
Don't you realize
Mr. Bentley isn't a citizen?
If he's convicted, he could
lose his job and be deported.
If I don't get to San Francisco,
I don't make my
speech at the convention.
What's more important?
Your speech or
Mr. Bentley's whole future?
Oh, Weezy. My speech, of course!
Okay, if you want
me to help Bentley,
I'll talk that cop Rossi
into dropping the charges.
Good.
As soon as we get
back from San Francisco.
Weezy, are you crazy?
I can't get Bentley out of all
the mess he's in just like that.
Why not?
You were the one who got
him in that mess just like that.
Okay, I'll get Rossi over here
and make him drop the charges.
How you going to
get a hold of Rossi?
Easy.
I'll just call our doorman:
Ralph, the human bloodhound.
Hello, Ralph. George Jefferson.
Look, Ralph. How'd you like
to make a quick 20 bucks?
Ha-ha. Ralph, stop slobbering.
Well, you know that
patrolman named Rossi?
Yeah, the one Bentley hit.
Well, I want you to find him
and tell him I want
to see him right away.
What do you mean,
"What if he won't come?"
Tell him I'll make
it worth his while.
And you know what that
means, don't you, Ralph?
[CHUCKLES]
Good.
What does that mean, George?
It means now I call the airlines
and have our tickets changed
to the 7:15 flight
to San Francisco.
[GROWLS]
Where is that Rossi?
I'm giving Ralph a $20 tip,
and I'm getting 20-cent service.
I'll k*ll him.
No, I just won't tip him. Ha!
That'll k*ll him.
We'll never make
that 7:15 flight now.
Then I guess we'll have to
forget about San Francisco.
No way. There's still
a redeye night flight.
It makes a quick
stop at St. Louis
and gets there about 3
or 4:00 in the morning.
If we make it.
We'll make it.
Rossi can be reasoned
with. He's a nice guy.
Isn't he the one
who gave you a ticket
for parking your van 6
inches too close to a hydrant?
Yeah! That dumb turkey!
Then what makes you think
you can talk him out of pressing
charges against Mr. Bentley?
I'll just have to use my
personality and charm.
Suppose he still insists
on going by the book?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Well, I'll just have to
stick to the book too.
My bankbook.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, well, well!
Look who's here.
Officer Rossi!
Come in, come in.
Thanks.
Mrs. Jefferson.
Ah, ain't this a surprise!
How can it be a surprise?
Ralph said you wanted to see me.
Oh, yeah.
Weezy, don't just sit
there. Get the man a drink.
You want a martini... Rossi?
Ha-ha-ha!
No, thanks, Mrs. Jefferson.
I never drink on duty.
Oh, well, look, let's not
waste your valuable time.
Tell you why I
wanted to see you.
As you know,
you and me never really
hit it off too good, right?
Right.
And it's probably my fault.
Right!
And I know you wouldn't be
giving out all those
tickets without a reason.
That's what I've
been telling you.
And I just think
it's up to us citizens
to improve our
relationships with the fuzz.
Uh-uh-uh... Police officers.
So I have decided to make
a donation, on account.
On account of what?
On account I never
donated before.
What kind of a donation?
A big one. For the
policeman's ball.
I can't accept it.
Why not?
Because we haven't had a
policeman's ball for years.
Oh! That's probably why
I never bought a ticket.
But if you're
looking for a place
where your money
can do some good,
there's the police
athletic league.
That's a good cause.
Yeah! Get some of those
fat cops back in shape!
That money goes
to children, George.
Weezy, we'll let Officer Rossi
decide where the money goes.
How's 100 bucks sound?
Like a drop in the bucket.
Takes a lot of money
to furnish a new gym,
if you know what I mean.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Uh, I'll just add
four more drops.
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, that's, uh...
That's very nice of you.
I hope you'll remember that.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it.
Oh, Mrs. Jefferson.
Ralph told me Officer
Rossi was here.
And I've come to apologize.
Oh, officer, please, you must...
Get away from me!
But I want you to
know... Forget it, Bentley.
I got you into this mess,
and I just got you out of it.
Here's your check, officer.
Thanks, Mr. Jefferson.
Uh, what did you mean when
you said you just got him out of it?
Well, uh, Bentley
made a little mistake.
I made a big donation.
And, uh, everything
is square, right?
You trying to bribe
an officer of the law?
No! No, nothing like that.
Oh, no. Nothing like that.
[MOUTHS]
Officer, I feel terrible about
what I did this afternoon.
So does my jaw.
I want to apologize from
the bottom of my heart.
It is not in my nature
to behave that way,
and it will never happen again.
You betcha.
Nice try, folks.
What are you talking about?
The setup.
You get me up here,
make a contribution
to my favorite charity,
apologize all over the place.
Now I'm supposed to do my
part and drop the charges, right?
Right!
But, officer, my
apology was sincere.
Sure it was.
Officer, please.
Uh, let me tell you
something about Mr. Bentley.
Harry Bentley is the nicest,
kindest, most gentle man
I have ever met.
Especially when he's
punching out cops.
Oh, he would have
never done that
if he hadn't been talked into it
by some meddling loudmouth.
Right, George?
Yeah. Whoever that was.
Look, Mrs. Jefferson,
I already signed the
desk appearance ticket.
So I couldn't drop this
now even if I wanted to,
which I don't.
But, officer!
You just wasting
your breath, Weezy.
The last favor
Rossi did for anybody
was when he left
his wife and kids.
What you say?
You heard me!
The only thing you're good
for is chasing parked cars.
Oh, Mr. Jefferson, please don't
get into trouble on my account.
Instead of bothering
decent citizens,
you ought to be out trying
to catch some crooks.
Stop it, George.
You've said enough.
No, I haven't.
I'm just starting.
And whenever you
hear... [ALL YELLING]
Hold it.
Hold it!
George! Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm all right. Take
more than a cop to hurt me.
A cop! Hmm.
Ow! Weezy!
Oh, it hurts! Argh!
I'm... I'm...
I'm sorry, Mrs. Jefferson!
It was an accident.
No, it wasn't!
You hit me! Deliberately!
In front of two witnesses.
Unfriendly witnesses.
Oh, that's not
true, Mr. Jefferson.
It was purely an accident.
Don't you get it, Bentley?
His hitting me is worse
than you hitting him.
Police brutality! We've
got him. You're off the hook.
Mr. J, not that way.
It wouldn't be honest.
Your honesty is
going to get you in jail.
I'm trying to save your neck.
I know you are,
and I appreciate it.
But I can't lie.
Officer Rossi didn't
mean to strike you.
Is he for real?
That's what I've
been trying to tell you.
Bentley, you can
forget about hitting me.
Oh, if only I could.
It's been on my mind.
What I mean is, I'm going to
drop the charges against you.
Wonderful!
Hey, that's great!
Why, thank you!
But there's still the matter of
that desk appearance ticket.
There he goes again.
All I got to do is take it
out of the file and rip it up.
But isn't that against the law?
Sure.
Take care, Bentley.
Stay just the way you are.
George, do you know
what this means?
We have time to catch
that redeye to California.
Right!
Hey, wait a minute.
Uh-oh!
How'd you get that
mouse under your eye?
Oh, uh, courtesy
of Mr. Babakian,
a not-very-considerate
neighbor of mine in the garage.
Babakian. I know him. He's
always pushing people around.
Come on, Mr. Bentley.
You and I are going to
have a little talk with him.
I gotta protect this guy.
He's an endangered species.
Oh, I'm so happy!
Everything turned out all right.
Yeah! Thanks to my
personality and charm.
Oh, George. Shut up.
And did they like
Mr. Jefferson's speech,
Mrs. Jefferson?
What they heard of it.
The PA system went out
right after George said,
"Thank you, Mr. Reynolds."
He had to shout the
rest of his speech.
How did it go over?
[WHEEZING] Oh, it was fine.
He lost his voice.
Thank you, Lord!
You do answer prayer.
[SQUEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
What you say? I can't hear you.
[SQUEAKS] Go do some work.
He's cute, Mrs. Jefferson!
[SQUEAKING]
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
ANNOUNCER: The Jeffersons was
videotaped in front of a studio audience.
♪ Movin', movin' on up... ♪
03x14 - Bentley's Problem
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Spinoff series from "All in the Family" is about literal upward mobility of couple George and Louise Jefferson who move into a swanky high-rise building.
Spinoff series from "All in the Family" is about literal upward mobility of couple George and Louise Jefferson who move into a swanky high-rise building.