[growling]
Be patient, Hermie...
I'll have some more pancakes
for you in a minute, poopsie.
Goody.
They're so yummy.
Marilyn, would you like
some more pancakes?
Sorry, but I have to run
and catch my bus. Bye.
Bye-bye. Goodbye, dear.
That's the third time this
week she's had to leave...
without finishing her breakfast.
Hey, Pop, why don't you
guys buy Marilyn a car?
Now that's a good idea, Eddie.
I've saved nearly $25
on sheets and towels...
by going to the
January Black Sales.
And I could probably
scrape up a few dollars...
by returning those empty
bottles to the blood bank.
It doesn't add up
to much, does it?
Uh-uh.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have
an announcement to make.
It just so happens
that I'm getting a bonus.
A rather substantial one.
And I would be happy to put it
into a nice little car for Marilyn.
Herman, how wonderful of you.
I'll go down and see
about it this afternoon, dear.
You, buy a car?
[laughing]
Now, that would be something.
Now, I am the
head of this family...
and I am going to buy the car.
[hissing]
Hey, boss, did you get a load of
that customer that just walked in?
Must be the circus in town.
He's probably on his lunch
break from the freak show.
(Blinky) Why don't you unload...
the convertible on this sucker?
That's an idea. Hey, friend.
Hello, friend.
Just checking the carburetor.
Then you'll be interested
in this end, over here.
[Herman exclaiming]
The owner must've
been a woman...
she left her sewing
machine in the trunk.
Say, I can tell you know an awful
lot about automobiles, my friend.
Thank you. Listen.
Don't you think this car's
a little too light for you?
I think you're right. Let's
see something a little heavier.
[clearing throat] Yeah, let
me show you this over here.
This is...
of course, a sporty convertible.
But you don't want that, I got another
car over here I wanna show you.
Excuse me. Yeah?
Why wouldn't I want
a sporty convertible?
I don't know, I just thought
a man of your type...
wouldn't want to drive
around with his top down.
I see, you think I'm too
levelheaded for a car like this.
Well, you see, the
fact of the matter is...
I'm buying this car
for my young niece.
What a coincidence.
This car belonged to a young
niece of an old lady in Pasadena.
That's right. She
only drove it...
to Four-H Club meetings
once every month.
Then it must have had
excellent care. Sure.
I tell you, I'd like to drive it around
the block, though, before I buy it.
All right.
I've got a better
idea, why don't you...
buy it first, then you can have
pride of ownership when you drive it?
But I want to know if the
motor's in good running condition.
Well, I'll turn it off and
we'll take a look at it.
Has the motor been on? Yeah.
It's so quiet I've
hardly heard it.
Hardly? You mean
you could hear it at all?
Just barely.
I guess I'll have to knock $25 off
the price so you can get a new muffler.
How much do you
want for this car?
Wait a minute, I
think I better find out...
if it's available. Hey, Blinky!
Yeah, boss.
That call from Hollywood...
Mr. Grant's business
manager, come through yet?
Hollywood? Cary Grant?
You said it, I didn't.
Mr. Grant is due in
from Europe today...
and his manager is
sure he wants the car.
Sorry. Now wait a minute.
This car is on your lot, which
means it's for sale, right?
Right, but I already
promised it to someone else.
And if I give you a legitimate
offer, you've gotta take it, right?
I'm afraid he's got you, boss.
Okay, but you
gotta meet the price.
What is it? $900.
Darn, darn.
I've only got $375.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna let you
have the car for $375.
On one condition.
What's that? You gotta
promise not to tell Cary Grant.
It's a deal. Okay, friend.
[laughing]
What Cary doesn't
know won't hurt him.
[all laughing]
(Dan) So long, pally. So long.
[car engine backfiring]
[whistles]
Move them out!
Well, Marilyn, what do you
think of the new set of wheels?
Fair Deal Dan and I practically
stole it from Cary Grant.
Uncle Herman, a convertible.
It looks all right. Start it up.
Start it?
I don't think even you would
buy a car without a motor in it.
Yes, didn't you drive it here?
Well, it stalled right
after I left the lot.
It was downhill, so I
sort of coasted home.
Start it up, Pop.
[exploding]
[crashing]
[exclaims]
Well, it runs.
Herman, I've got
to hand it to you.
You bought the only car
I've ever seen that junks itself.
Golly, do you think
Fair Deal Dan stuck me?
Stuck you? Herman,
you've been shish-kebabed.
Now you just take this heap
down to your Fair Deal Dan.
And Marilyn, you
go in the house...
and get the phone number
for the Better Business Bureau.
Yes, Aunt Lily. Come on, Eddie.
Now, Lily dear.
His name is Fair Deal Dan.
And if I imply that he
gave me a rotten deal...
he's liable to
go into a tizzy...
and stamp his foot and call
me a poor sport and everything.
Herman, what's the matter? Are
you afraid of your own shadow?
No, I'm not.
I've seen it lots of times and it
hardly scares me at all anymore.
Herman Munster!
You take this car right back
down to that used car lot.
And you demand your
money back. Yes, dear.
Aunt Lily, I brought the number
of the Better Business Bureau.
It's Klondike-5470.
Thank you, dear.
And then you're going to report your Fair
Deal Dan to the Better Business Bureau.
Yes, dear.
Come on, Marilyn.
Thank you, Uncle Herman.
Now don't feel bad. You tried.
You tried. So did
Napoleon at Waterloo.
[laughing]
Grandpa. Okay,
Herman, I'll go with you.
Before you stumble over it...
let's see if we can get
this thing back together.
So we can bring it back.
(man on radio) Add
to hot sheet, QD4625.
Repeat, QD4625.
Be on the lookout,
this is a stolen car.
[exploding]
But I tell you, Grandpa, this lot
was full of used cars this afternoon.
And right over there was
where they pitched the tent.
Tent?
Perhaps the Arabs
have folded their tent...
and as the expression
goes "taken it on the lam."
Grandpa, I came down here
to demand my money back.
And I memorized the Better Business
Bureau phone number and everything.
Now what do I do? What do
you do? What you always do.
You go home and sit
quietly while Lily yells at you.
[exploding]
Now, Grandpa.
I'm sure that our
house is due west.
Well you've tried
north, south and east.
This time I'd say the
odds are with you.
Herman, you're driving me bats.
In another minute, I'm
gonna fly home on my own.
[police siren wailing]
Listen, there must be a fire.
I know.
We'll follow the fire trucks...
and if we're lucky, maybe
it'll be in our neighborhood.
With your luck,
it'll be in our house.
[exclaims]
Look at the pretty red
light. It's real Christmassy.
[bat screeching]
What was that? A bat.
You don't see many
of them around here.
Must have been
attracted by the light.
You better radio
for an ambulance...
this poor fellow's
been in an accident.
See what happens when
they don't use seat belts?
But, Officer, I haven't
been in an accident.
And I always wear a seat belt.
Just like they
say on television.
This fellow's delirious.
May I see your driver's
license, please? Yes, sir.
By George, he hasn't
been in an accident, has he?
Not since this
was taken, anyway.
You'd better get out
of the car. Yes, sir.
Come on, Grandpa.
Grandpa?
Funny, he was here
just a minute ago.
He didn't fly past you
gentlemen, did he?
You'd better give this one the
balloon. Balloon? Oh, goody.
All right, come
on, buddy, let's go.
Well, that's six you busted.
Come on now and try
to walk the white line.
No, no, it's not what
you gentlemen think.
It's just that looking down from
great heights make me very dizzy.
All right, fellow, you're
coming in to the station with us.
But I can't go with
you gentlemen.
I've missed half of My
Three Sons already.
I'm sorry, buddy. We're taking
you in on account of your car.
What about my car? It's on
the hot sheet. It's a stolen car.
All right, come along.
I can't bear to think of my
poor baby doll behind bars.
Dear, I just feel as
though it's all my fault.
Now, Marilyn,
don't blame yourself.
Your Uncle Herman
is a born loser.
Grandpa.
You know that Herman
is a kind, trusting soul...
with a great faith in his
fellow human beings.
You know a better
way to be a loser?
Who could put
Uncle Herman in jail?
Oh, dear, I hope his boss down at
the parlor doesn't find out about this.
Do you think they'll fire him?
At the very least he'll be
taken out of Transportation...
and put on Inside Work.
Just when he'd worked himself
up to the front right handle.
If we only knew what jail
they've taken Uncle Herman to.
It's this waiting
around that's so terrible.
Now, Lily, don't fret. Herman
will be calling in any minute now.
Down at the jail, they
allow them one phone call...
before they put the bums on ice.
And Herman ought to
be able to call home...
without goofing it up.
[caws] You wanna bet?
You're permitted one
call, but one call only.
Yes, I know. You told me that.
It's very kind of you,
advancing me the money.
We've got to, it's the law.
But just one call and
then into the t*nk you go.
Please, I'm very nervous.
Now let's see, what's my number?
Oh, yes.
[chuckles]
[phone ringing]
(woman) This is a recording.
The Better Business
Bureau is closed for the day.
Please call back in
the morning. Thank you.
Listen, about this t*nk...
I didn't bring a pair of
trunks, can I rent a pair?
Come on.
[buzzer buzzing]
Now, I'm different.
I've been drinking night
and day for over 20 years.
What's so different about that?
I ain't ever even
seen a pink elephant.
How about a purple
pussycat? Never.
How about a red rhinoceros?
Never, I have yet to see any of these...
strange creatures that
annoy you average drunks.
Hi.
How nice.
I got here just in time
for exercise period.
[laughing]
Here's your change and here's
your receipt for the $20 bail, ma'am.
Thank you, Sergeant.
By the way, when my
husband comes out...
please don't let him know
that his bail was only $20.
He's very sensitive, and,
well, he might feel slighted.
Well, you've got
the money, chum.
When can we have the body?
Just keep your shirt on, the
prisoner has to be processed.
So you'll just have to wait.
But, Sergeant, you
will hurry, won't you?
We don't like to keep my
uncle out late on weeknights.
That's your uncle in there,
is it, sister? Yes, Sergeant.
Well, you just wait
a minute, little lady.
Spengler! Yeah, Sergeant?
Bring that Munster. Yes, sir.
Grandpa, isn't it wonderful
the way Marilyn's handicap...
brings out the natural
sweetness in people?
[mumbling]
Here's another fish
for the t*nk, Sergeant.
Got a roll on him big
enough to choke Sea Biscuit.
[mumbling]
[laughing]
Where did you get it,
brother, rob a bank?
I refuse to answer until
I am informed of my...
constitutional rights.
Sit him down.
What is it?
Those things over
there that aren't there...
tell them to get away.
Grandpa.
Isn't it awful that Marilyn has to
see the ugly side of life like this?
Well, just have to learn to
take the good with the bad.
Lily.
Herman.
We were so worried about you...
it must've been
terrible in there.
Now, Lily, it actually was
rather pleasant in the t*nk.
The fellows took their
exercises and then...
they just lay
down on the floor...
and went to sleep.
Let's get out of here.
This is one of those places I
just hate to get caught dead in.
Bye, officers. Nighty-night.
Say, there's Fair Deal Dan.
I'd hate myself if I didn't
say goodbye to him.
No, not two of them.
Don't let them
get me, I confess!
You confess?
Yeah, I stole the car. I
sold it to him, to them!
I got my rights, Officer, get me
out of here. Get me away from him.
[screaming]
Certainly are a lot of
interesting people here.
You know, this is a
nice place to visit...
but I wouldn't
want to live here.
Well, I did it.
I put the bonus money in
Eddie's college account.
That's nice.
You certainly got back
from the bank quickly.
I thought it would be crowded.
It was when I went in...
but within a minute all
the people were gone.
You know, it's a funny thing,
I'm never kept waiting in line.
You are clever that way.
You have a knack
for going into a place...
just when there's
a lull in business.
Lily's right, Herman.
You know, that
and being stupid...
are the two things you do best.
I think it was awfully nice
of Marilyn to suggest...
that we save that
money for Eddie.
She didn't seem very disappointed
about not getting the car.
Well, it seems she's worked
out her transportation problem...
to and from school.
She's in some kind of car pool.
Lily, I know I'm an old
duffer from Transylvania...
but could you explain
to me how someone...
can be in a car pool
without having a car?
Grandpa, these youngsters
nowadays are so clever.
[siren wailing]
What's that?
Why, it's Marilyn.
What's happened
to Marilyn's car pool?
Herman, don't be
a dope all your life.
That is her car pool.