Hey, Mom, hey, Mom,
what are you doing?
I'm making clam
chowder for dinner.
Are the clams fresh?
Eddie, be careful.
Boy, they sure are fresh.
Where's Grandpa and Pop?
Out in the garage, evidently
working on some secret project.
Nobody's supposed
to go out there.
They might be working
on my birthday present.
You know, my birthday
is this Wednesday.
[wind howling] Yes, dear.
We know it's Wednesday.
[laughing]
[welding]
[stuttering] Do you
know, Grandpa...
this is gonna be the best birthday
present we ever made for Eddie.
[laughing]
Listen here. If you don't
give "we" here a hand...
it's gonna be the best
graduation present he ever had...
from college yet.
By golly. What do you
want me to do, old pal?
What do I want you
to do? I'll tell you.
[creaking]
There. You could
be oiling that wheel.
All right.
Grandpa...
there's no oil in here.
What do you mean there's no
oil? There's plenty of oil in there.
[pumping]
You're right. There
is plenty of oil.
[birds chirping]
Golly. Pop really doesn't want me
to see what's going on in the garage.
Hey, neat. Pop's wire-clippers.
[clanging]
Now, to look in the window.
Hey, Mom.
(Eddie) Help.
[ringing]
We caught you. You
sneaky little rascal, you.
So long, Mom. Goodbye, dear.
What do you have
in the jar, Eddie?
It's my science
project for school.
It's a black widow spider.
That could be dangerous.
You be real careful when you
take the spider out of the jar, Eddie...
so that nobody hurts it.
Sure, Mom. So long. And say
goodbye to Grandpa and Pop for me.
Bye, Eddie. Goodbye, dear.
[creaking]
Are Grandpa and Uncle Herman
out in the garage, already?
Since daybreak.
They're too interested in
what they're doing even to eat.
Isn't this ridiculous?
I'm going out there and
have a talk with them.
But I thought their project
was supposed to be a secret.
I don't care if it is a secret.
The last time they made
a present for Eddie...
it broke loose and
swallowed a milk truck.
I'll get to the bottom of this.
Isn't this childish?
Barbed wire.
[wire clanging]
[grunting]
Really obstacles.
[grunting]
Sand bags. Really.
[grunting]
Those two and
their top-security.
[ringing]
[screaming]
(Lily) Listen to me, you two.
Well, Grandpa, look
what we caught this time.
Herman Munster, you
get me down from here.
Lily, that ought to
teach you a lesson, dear.
Curiosity k*lled the bat.
If you don't get me
down from here...
there's going to be something
else k*lled besides a bat.
I don't know, Grandpa.
What do you think?
Well, I don't know.
But I have an idea.
Let's toss a coin.
Heads, we do. Tails, we don't.
[coin clinking]
Heads it is. We take her down.
Let's make it two-out-of-three.
Stop that and get me down.
Patience, Peter Pan.
It's okay, Grandpa. Eddie won't
be home from school for an hour yet.
[laughing]
[Herman sighing]
(Herman) Grandpa,
it's beautiful.
[laughing]
Grandpa, it is beautiful.
Is this something,
or is this something?
Grandpa, you've
outdone yourself.
Thank you, Herman. But
it's nothing that Detroit...
or Agent 007 couldn't
have whipped up.
I'll take it out for a little test spin.
(Grandpa) No, you don't, Herman.
This is for Eddie's
birthday tomorrow
and I don't want anything
to spoil his surprise.
Yeah, well a little test
spin wouldn't hurt. Herman.
[engine roaring]
[tires screeching]
[screaming]
[screaming]
[horn honking]
[tires screeching]
Stop it, Grandpa. Herman.
(Grandpa) Put the brakes.
Herman, watch out.
Grandpa!
[yelling]
[crashing]
Oh, no.
Poor Eddie. Now another
birthday's come and gone.
Forget it, Herman. I
don't want to discuss it.
Grandpa, I...
Please, Herman, once
and for all, no discussion.
What's this all about?
What's this all about?
This stone dome here just
wrecked Eddie's birthday present.
Oh, Herman.
Now, Lily. It's not as bad
as Grandpa is making out.
Not as bad as
Grandpa's making it out.
It couldn't be worse.
You ruined Eddie's car...
you ruined the birthday. You...
Look, I don't
want to discuss it.
As a matter of fact, I'm
not even gonna talk about it.
Herman, get out of this house.
Leave this house at once.
You're telling me to
leave my own house?
What do you mean "your own
house"? This is my own house.
When the bills are overdue...
who do you think the bank
sends the delinquent notices to?
Me. That's who. Herman Munster.
Well, you're forgetting one
little thing, Herman Munster...
that when you bought this house, it
was I who put down the down payment.
And according to
the agreement pact...
exactly one half of this
house belongs to me.
That's right, Herman.
That was the deal.
One half of the house?
[grunting]
That's the way it's
gonna be? Right.
Okay. Okay.
But remember, Grandpa.
As the man on television said:
You asked for it.
Herman Munster,
what are you doing?
I'm dividing the
house into two parts.
And from now on, Grandpa, I'll thank
you to stay on your side of the line.
[grunting]
Sorry, but the paper
was on my side of the line.
No, it wasn't. It happened to be lying
right in the middle of the white line.
Did you say right in
the middle of the line?
That's exactly what I said, right
in the middle of the white line.
[grunting]
[shouting]
[clicking]
♪♪[music playing on TV]
[laughing]
[laughs]
[smoke hissing]
Would you look at that, Marilyn?
Just like a couple of big kids.
I just wish Herman
was 140 years younger...
I'd put him back in his playpen.
[door creaking]
Hi, Mom. Hi, Marilyn. Hi, Eddie.
Hello, Eddie.
What's the white line for?
[Grandpa coughing]
What is Pop and Grandpa
doing in the house?
I thought they'd be out in the garage,
working on my secret birthday present.
That was my birthday present
they were working on, wasn't it?
Don't you worry, Eddie. You'll
have a wonderful birthday tomorrow.
It looks like the white line
runs all way through the house.
Well, you see, Eddie...
your father and Grandpa
had a little misunderstanding.
Little misunderstanding? Looks
like they're having a real rumble.
Poor little fellow.
It's awful having this
happen to him on his birthday.
Hey, Mom. The white line runs
down the middle of the bathtub.
I know, dear.
And Grandpa can't get
hot water on his side.
[phone ringing]
[door rumbling]
Hello. Who?
It's for Grandpa. Grandpa,
you're wanted on the phone.
[coughing]
I'll be right there.
[yelling]
No, you don't. The phone
is on my side of the line.
Lily, would you please
hand me the receiver?
Here you are, Grandpa.
Thank you.
Hello?
Hello?
Your party's been cut off.
[sighing]
[laughing]
Marilyn, what are we going to
do about this awful family feuding?
The next thing we know, it will be
just like the ones in the old country...
and they'll be at each other's
throats. Seems to be getting worse.
[Spot growling]
Spot must be
hungry. I'll fix that.
I have his bone right here.
Here you go, Spot.
[crunching]
What's the white line
going down Spot's back?
[sighing]
It's all a part of the feud.
Herman and Grandpa
even divided up Spot.
And Herman is furious
because he got the half that eats.
Marilyn, I think I have it.
Three can play at this
house-divided business as well as two.
I'm going to put a stop to all
this nonsense once and for all.
Dinner's ready.
I said, dinner is ready.
Grandpa, I didn't know
you wore a monocle.
This is not a monocle.
I happened to leave my reading
glasses on the white line...
and Herman here,
cut them in two.
That pays you back for what
you did to my bedroom slippers.
Come on, you two.
[yelling]
[sighing]
Be seated, please.
[sighing]
Well...
Eddie.
Potatoes, Eddie? Yes.
[chuckling]
Marilyn.
[sighing]
(Lily) Could I have some
potatoes, please, Marilyn?
(Marilyn) Won't you have
carrots? Yes, thank you.
Don't forget your
carrots now, Eddie.
You will eat only what is in your
section and you will not cross the lines.
Dig in.
Boy, Mom. This is good.
Darn. Darn. Darn. Darn.
[exclaiming]
Grandpa, you're
invading Marilyn's territory.
What do we need here? Permission
from the UN to get a bite to eat?
All you need is to stop this
fighting and make up with Herman...
and erase all the lines.
Go back to making this
a peaceful household.
Not me. I'd rather starve first.
[grunting]
[mumbling]
Me, too. I'd rather go
back to drinking tired blood.
Marilyn, don't put the
food away. Why not?
Did you notice?
At dinner, Herman and Grandpa
were beginning to weaken.
I know.
Neither one of them wants
to be the first to give in.
I believe you're
right, Aunt Lily.
I don't recall Grandpa or Uncle
Herman ever missing a meal.
Never!
[laughing]
Think they can starve me
into submission, do they?
Not when I've got my Instant
Transistorized Magnesium Wall Oven.
[creaking]
♪♪[humming]
[beeping]
Medium well.
(Grandpa) Nothing like it.
Instant wolf T-bone steaks.
[whooping]
Wonderful.
[laughing]
Beautiful. I've got
that Herman now.
[squawking]
[Spot growling]
Hi, Spot.
[growling]
Well done, please.
[roaring]
Good boy.
Thank you.
[roaring]
[squawking]
[scoffs]
I can hold out to that
stupid old Grandpa forever.
[grunting]
Hey, Mom, I'm going to bed now
because tomorrow is my birthday.
I wanna wake up real early...
so I can see what a neat present
Pop and Grandpa made me.
Sure, Eddie. Good night.
Oh, uh...
Before you get in bed, be
sure to put on the heavier lid.
It's going to be chilly tonight.
All right, you two, break
it up. That's enough.
Now, you listen to me.
Tomorrow is Eddie's birthday and I
will not have your squabbling spoil it.
And besides that, you're going to
have a decent birthday present for Eddie.
We had a decent
birthday present ready...
until this big
goon here broke it.
Forget that, Grandpa. You two
are going out in that garage...
and you're going to make
another present for Eddie.
At this hour, dear? We'll
be out there all night.
And I need my beauty sleep.
Okay, so you'll be up all night.
For our son, it'll be worth it.
Now you two apologize and
get on out there and get to work.
Well, only if he gets me
another pair of eyeglasses.
Only if he buys me a new
pair of bedroom slippers.
Never mind that! Get going!
[grunting]
And now, for the unveiling.
(all) Happy birthday, Eddie.
[Herman laughing]
[Lily laughing]
Well, what do you say, Son?
[bird crowing]
Thanks. You don't
sound very happy.
Golly, Pop, I'm 9 years old.
Not a little kid that gets a kick
out of driving a coaster wagon...
up and down the sidewalk.
But, Eddie, it's not
a coaster wagon.
It's an airplane.
Sure it is.
Eddie, they worked all
night on your present.
That's right, Son. Why don't
you get in and pump the pedals?
They make the propellers turn.
Heck, it's still just
a kiddy wagon.
[engine roaring]
Pump the pedals, Eddie.
[laughing]
Hi, everybody.
I'll see you later.
Look, I'm flying.
(Eddie) Here, everybody.
[alarm ringing]
Help! Help!
[siren wailing]
Herman, don't just hang
there. Help me out of here.
Lily, Marilyn, let me down.
Marilyn, do you think
we should flip a coin?
You know, that's a good idea.
[scrubbing]
And when you get through, Herman, I don't
want to see one speck of that white line.
I'm finishing as
soon as I can, dear.
I want to watch that new
Western on TV tonight.
Where the cowboy
is a psychiatrist.
He lassos the bad guys and
instead of sh**ting them...
he ties them to a couch
and analyzes them.
No, you don't, Herman.
I'm going to watch Agent
8643957-And-A-Half.
Wait a minute, Grandpa.
It's going to be the Western.
It's going to be the spy show.
The Western. It's gonna be
the spy show and that is final.
Herman Munster, don't you dare.
Just kidding,
dear. Just kidding.