[thunder clapping]
[laughing]
And turn up the
rectifier to 9,000 volts.
[humming] Rectifier to 9,000.
Good. Now, switch the
oscillator from negative to positive.
Switch the oscillator...
Grandpa? Yes?
I don't mean to seem nosy, but
what's the purpose of this machine?
Purpose of the...
I'm gonna take electricity
out of the air and store it.
We'll never have to
pay another light bill.
I'm gonna try and attract
the lightning right now.
I got it! I got it! I got it!
[thunder rumbling]
Herman, I think you ought to
take that toaster to the store...
and have it fixed right.
Now, Lily, they don't call me
Handy Herman for nothing.
I'll have this toaster fixed in
three shakes of a cat-o'-nine-tails.
Hey, Pop. We have a new
English teacher at school...
and I've got to write a
composition. Would you help me?
Just as soon as I finish
this toaster for your mother.
Now, I am going to transfer the
stored electricity in this machine...
and connect it to
the house wires.
Now go back there
and man the controls.
[laughing]
There we go.
That ought to do it.
[snickers]
What's the subject of your
school composition, Eddie?
"My Parents: An
Average American Family."
Fine, dear.
When your father comes to, I'm
sure he'll be able to help you with it.
[whirring] Aunt Lily,
I forget, is it two...
or three tablespoons of vinegar
you put in the sour apple pie?
Better put three, dear. We
don't want it to be tasteless.
I thought Eddie would be
down here to lick the spoon.
No. He went right up
to his room after school.
He's really working
on that composition.
I know. He's been asking
all kinds of questions.
I think it'll be good.
I bet when his teacher
reads about this family...
her eyes will really pop out.
[snickers]
[exclaims]
Our dodo bird roast
is coming along fine.
You know, they're getting very
scarce on the market these days.
Isn't it wonderful we can cook our
whole meal on our own electricity?
Now, this is one invention of
Grandpa's that really has worked.
Well, at least so far.
[sighs]
I think a little cactus juice
dressing will be fine for the salad.
[whirring stops]
Oh, dear.
I'd better tell Grandpa
his electricity is off.
Grandpa! (Grandpa) What is it?
Your stupid electricity
machine isn't working.
And we're trying to fix dinner.
Lily, please. I'm working on it.
You'll have all the electricity
you want in just a minute.
[hinges squeaking]
He said he's fixing it.
But I wish he'd
waited a while...
before he wrote that nasty
letter to the electric company.
Here we go.
[motors whirring]
That Benjamin
Franklin was a piker.
[blender starts whirring]
There we are. Everything
is running again.
Grandpa.
I guess it's cold rhinoceros-tongue
sandwiches again tonight.
Hey, Mom. What happened?
Our dinner just
flew out the window.
Oh, boy. I need exciting stuff
like this for my composition.
This family was beginning
to sound awfully dull.
(all) ♪ Oh bury me not ♪
♪ On the lone prairie ♪
♪ Where the coyotes howl ♪
[howling]
♪ And the wind blows free ♪
♪ In a narrow grave ♪
♪ Just six by three ♪
(all) ♪ Oh bury me not ♪
♪ On the lone prairie ♪♪
It's nice to get together and
sing those old, fun songs.
They just don't write
them the way they used to.
Aunt Lily. Yes, Marilyn?
Eddie has an
announcement to make.
Oh, wonderful.
I'll bet your new set
of fangs just came in.
It's even neater than that. I
finished my school composition.
[all exclaiming]
And he's so proud of it.
He wants to read it to us.
Good. Eddie, read the part about
me first because that's the best.
No, Eddie. Read the
part I helped you with.
Wait... Tut, tut, tut, family.
Let's have none of
these petty jealousies.
Eddie, will start
with the beginning...
which just so happens to be
all about his wonderful father.
"My Parents: An Average American
Family" by Edward Wolfgang Munster.
"I have the most wonderful
family in the whole world...
"and we all live in a
mansion on Mockingbird Lane.
"It is a neat place.
All the grass is weeds
and the trees is dead."
My, he does have a
flair for the language.
Yeah, and don't forget
to copy it off later in blood.
Remember, neatness counts.
"My father is the
head of the house."
This is the good part.
[scoffs]
"My father is a handsome
man about nine feet tall...
who has a green complexion
and steel bolts in his neck."
"Stork did not bring my father.
"He was made in
Germany in a laboratory.
"He was built by a
Dr. Frankenstein...
whose hobby was putting
together do-it-yourself people kits."
Well, go ahead, Eddie.
I want our principal,
Mr. Bradley, to hear all of this.
"My mother is over 400 years
old, and right now she is alive...
"although there were
many times when she wasn't.
"My grandfather was born in Transylvania
where he was known as Count Dracula.
"He did nothing
but night work...
"and always got home by sunrise
to flake out in his marble bed.
"I have a pet, Spot, who
breathes fire and smoke.
"And eats manhole
covers, telephone poles...
"and whatever happens to
wander into the neighborhood.
"I also have a girl
cousin, Marilyn.
"She's not pretty
like the rest of us...
"and her boyfriends always run
off screaming after their first visit.
"Signed, Edward Munster.
Boy Genius."
My father made me put that in.
Well, Edward, that's
quite a composition.
And thank you very much for
staying after school, reading it for me.
We'll let you know what
your grade is later on.
Does that mean I
can cut out? Cut out?
Yes. Yes, Eddie. Dismissed.
Good night, sir. Good
night, Ms. Thompson.
(Ms. Thompson)
Good night, Eddie.
[sighs]
Ms. Thompson, this is the most
astounding composition I have heard...
in all of my years
with the school system.
Yes, I thought it was a
trifle unusual, Mr. Bradley.
You are absolutely right to
bringing this to my attention.
We've considered Eddie
to be a little different...
ever since the day
he first enrolled.
In fact, I believe
he's the only child...
in the entire fifth
grade with pointed ears.
Why would he make up such
wild exaggerations as this?
These problems
usually start in the home.
You know, the child is unhappy
or has an underprivileged home life.
He's very liable to compensate
by creating fantasies.
You know, how
wealthy his family is...
what a great athlete his
father is, stories like that.
We just can't let
Eddie go on like this.
You're right.
You know, I think the way to
get to the bottom of this is...
pay a little visit to
the Munster family.
And you want me to call on them?
[chuckling]
Well, in as much as you are rather
a new teacher, Ms. Thompson...
I'll tell you what, I
shall go along with you.
[sighs]
Then, in case anything
unusual does happen...
with my experience, it
won't faze me. Believe me.
[snickering]
Nine feet tall, with
a green complexion.
You know, I will
bet, in reality...
that Mr. Munster is a short,
unobtrusive little man...
who's afraid of his own shadow.
Do you know...
This is very strange.
What?
This is written with the reddest
red ink I think I have ever seen.
"and if convenient, our
principal, Mr. Bradley and I...
"would like to stop around after school
to discuss Eddie and his composition.
Sincerely, Ms. Thompson."
[laughing] Boy! A
note from the teacher.
You really made a big
hit with that composition.
I'll bet you really made
them sit up and take notice.
I'll say. When I read my
composition to the class...
all the kids started laughing and yelling
and screaming and stamping their feet.
A couple of them even doubled up so bad,
they had to be carried out of the room.
It's strange the way
jealousy affects some people.
What did your
teacher say, Eddie?
I guess it got her too. She turned
a little blue and choked a little.
When she got her voice
back, she dismissed the class...
and had me read
it to the principal.
Well, there's no
doubt about it, kid.
Your composition
was a literary triumph.
You know what, Eddie?
I am going to make a point of
leaving the parlor early today.
I'll let Clyde handle
my customers.
I'm sure they won't complain.
I will be home, too, Eddie. I'd
just love to meet your teacher.
Sure, Marilyn.
I told her about you in my
composition, so she'd be prepared.
I'll make some
black sulfur tea...
and bake some coffin crullers, and
make some spider cookies and bat biscuits.
That's it, Lily. Lay
out the festive board.
Would you guys do me a favor when
the teacher and Mr. Bradley come?
Of course, Eddie, what is it?
Well, try not to embarrass
me in front of them.
Embarrass you?
How could we embarrass you?
Well, for one thing, Mom...
don't tell them I'm your little
baby, and mushy stuff like that.
And Grandpa, don't boast about
how I have royal blood in my veins.
I want to sound
like one of the guys.
Don't you worry about us, Eddie.
And Pop...
don't slap the teacher on the back
and tell her any of your corny jokes.
Is that all right if I tell them one
about the sailor and the mermaid?
You tell them that one
and I'll run away from home.
You just don't want me to sit
there and look stupid, do you?
That'd be fine, Pop.
Don't you worry, Eddie.
We promise that we'll be the
soul of propriety and decorum.
And by the way, Grandpa...
if you're working down in the
dungeon while we're having tea...
please try not to
blow up the house.
If it's that important to
you, I'll make every effort.
I'm putting on the tea
now, Aunt Lily, okay?
Oh, yes. Thank you, Marilyn.
I'm just doing a little
last-minute dusting.
[sputtering]
Dearie me.
The vacuum cleaner is
working backwards now.
Go and tell Grandpa.
Grandpa, the vacuum
cleaner is running backwards.
Sorry, I turned the wrong knob.
Ah.
That's better.
[sneezing]
Hey, Mom? They'll be
here any minute now.
How do I look?
[exclaiming]
Just fine, Eddie.
Did you wash up?
Sure. I brushed my fangs
and washed behind my points.
You aren't a little
nervous, are you? No.
But are you sure Pop
won't tell any of his jokes?
I'm sure he won't.
Good, because he's got a zinger
that'd get me thrown right out of school.
Eddie, you put the vacuum
cleaner away for me...
and then be sure
to listen for door.
I'm going into the
kitchen and see to it...
that the cheese dip
doesn't crawl out of the dish.
All right.
My!
It's rather run
down, isn't it? Yes.
It just bears out my theory about
an underprivileged childhood.
What was that big
bird back in the yard?
[sighing]
That was a Neophron
percnopterus.
That is an Egyptian vulture.
What would it be doing here?
Let's just hope that he has
a bad sense of direction.
Ms. Thompson, now, this is liable
to turn out to be a rather unusual visit.
So, whatever we
hear or see in there...
we must be very careful not
to hurt the Munsters' feelings.
[wind howling]
[echoing]
I'll get it. I'll get it.
Hello there, Edward.
May we come in?
Oh, sure.
This is my cousin, Marilyn. I told
you about her in my composition.
Oh, yeah. I guess
you see what I mean.
I'm very happy to meet
you. How do you do.
Won't you come
into the living room?
We're gonna have eats.
The niece is very charming.
But have you ever
seen such a house?
Perhaps their
cleaning woman is ill.
I'll go get Aunt Lily.
Won't you sit down?
It's okay. Everything
was just dusted.
Mr. Bradley, over there.
Isn't that an electric chair?
Well, it could be the way
the shadows are falling in...
or it could be some
of that pop art, too.
Perhaps they're rather
bohemian in their taste.
Here we are.
[whispering]
Mr. Bradley, she's green.
Malnutrition.
I'm Eddie's mother.
How do you do? I'm Mr. Bradley and
this is Eddie's teacher, Ms. Thompson.
Won't you sit down?
Thank you.
Well, now. I guess you want
to talk about my little baby here?
Mom, you promised.
I'm sorry, Eddie.
He's such a sensitive child.
Eddie, Spot's in the kitchen.
Why don't you go and
take him out in the yard...
and help him bury someone?
I get it. You want
to talk about me.
See you, Ms. Thompson.
See you, Mr. Bradley.
Yes, thank you. Thank you.
(Eddie) Come on, Spot. Let's go.
[Spot roaring]
[stuttering] Was that Spot?
Oh, yes. You'll have to excuse
him. He has a little bit of laryngitis.
Have some cookies?
Oh, yes...
I don't think I am as
hungry as I thought.
Eddie's grandfather
is quite busy.
But I asked him to pop
his head up and say hello.
[stuttering] Oh,
that will be nice.
Marilyn.
(Marilyn) Now, Grandpa.
Pleased to meet you.
He's really very busy. We make
our own electricity, you know.
That's very nice.
I understand you were very
impressed with Eddie's composition.
Yes, we were. Weren't
we, Ms. Thompson?
[exclaims]
Impressed with Eddie's
composition? Yes.
Is something bothering
you, Ms. Thompson?
Yes. I could have sworn I saw
something staring at me from that clock.
That's just our raven.
He's such a busybody.
But you can talk
in front of him.
He doesn't gossip.
[clears throat]
[stuttering] Mrs. Munster, getting
back to Eddie's composition.
You know, there is one item that I
do believe needs some clarification.
I thought it was
all quite clear.
[stuttering]
It was Eddie's
description of his father.
[snickering]
I mean, nine feet tall,
green complexion...
and steel bolts in his neck.
Oh, that.
Well, you see, many
years ago... [creaking]
Hello, everybody!
There's Herman now.
Now I'll throw the
high-voltage crossover.
[exclaims]
Isn't that annoying? Grandpa
has blown another fuse.
[footsteps approaching]
[exclaims]
Herman? Herman...
I'd like you to meet Ms.
Thompson over there...
and Mr. Bradley over there.
Glad to meet you. Here,
let me shake your hand.
Yes, I... [screaming]
[screeching] What?
What happened?
[grunts]
Something big and hairy
just bit me on the wrist.
[sighs]
I told you to trim
your fingernails.
I'll get Grandpa to
turn on the lights.
[machines whirring]
Grandpa, we're
in the dark up here.
Keep your shroud on. I'll
have the lights on in a minute.
[stuttering] Never
mind about us.
We have to be
leaving right away.
Yes, we can discuss
this anytime. Yes.
(Herman) Don't run. I'll
go up and get the candles...
off Grandpa's slab.
That's a good idea, Herman.
No, never mind.
We can find our way
out, I'm sure. This way.
Isn't that a shame? And we
were having such a nice little visit.
Stick with me, Ms. Thompson.
That door must be
along here someplace.
Should we really run like this?
Listen, if Munster looks
anything like he sounds...
I just don't want to be here
when the lights come on, that's all.
Don't just stand there, Herman.
Let's go out and
show them to the door.
Yes, dear.
Mr. Bradley, we're in a...
Good heavens, we are.
(Lily) There you
are. Before you go...
I want you to really
meet my husband.
[chuckling]
[Herman exclaims]
At last we meet. Face to face.
Don't faint until
we get outside.
[stuttering] It's been
awfully nice knowing you.
[sighs]
Well, I certainly enjoyed
our visit. Thank you.
You're very welcome.
Goodbye.
My, what lovely people.
But all the time they were here,
they just seemed so ill at ease.
That's very
understandable, Marilyn.
You see, on a
schoolteacher's salary...
they don't very often
get to ritzy joints like this.
Poopsie, you're right.
You are absolutely right.
By the way, Eddie, we never
really did get acquainted...
with your teacher the other day.
Did you extend her our invitation
to come to dinner some night?
Yeah. Every time I ask, she turns
white and changes the subject.
Well, son, I guess
teachers work pretty hard.
They're under quite a strain. They
don't get too much time for social life.
Where's Grandpa this
morning? He's down in the lab.
He gave up trying
to make electricity.
Now he's working on a
water supply system...
so that we don't we don't
have any more water bills.
Hey, that sounds neat.
Yeah, but knowing your
rotten old grandfather...
he'll probably drown
himself before he perfects it.
[machines humming] There.
Now, I'll drop in my
instant water pill...
and we'll have free
water all over the house.
[hissing]
If this invention works,
it'll be his greatest.
[squeaking]
Nothing comes out.
Just as I thought.
Another failure.
[scoffs]
[all screaming]
Herman, aren't you
going to do something?
Aren't I going to do something?
I certainly am.
[exclaiming]
I am going to sit down
and finish my breakfast.