Now, Wilbur, I'll show
you something special.
[Chuckles]
[Metal Creaking]
There you go, Wilbur.
Gee, thanks, Mr. Munster.
Well, Eddie, I, uh, can't sit
around here tying knots all day.
The car has a flat, and I
promised Grandpa I'd hold it up...
while he changes the tire.
Good-bye, Wilbur. Good-bye, sir.
Boy, Eddie, you got the neatest
father in the whole neighborhood.
Jerry, look. If we can sign
up this guy, Herman Munster,
we'll have the greatest gimmick in
wrestling since the Swedish Angel.
Yeah. Why, he ties
knots in steel bars.
A-A-And lifts
automobiles off the ground.
Mm-hmm. No, his kid goes
to school with my Wilbur.
No, I haven't met him
yet, but believe me,
when he climbs into the ring, he'll
have the people falling in the aisles.
Oh. This Chinese tea always acts up
when we put it in the Russian samovar.
That certainly was a very nice
dinner you served tonight, Lily.
Oh, thank you, dear.
Oh, the soup was delicious.
But the croutons kept
crawling out of the bowl.
Don't worry about that,
Grandpa. They always come back.
Lily, uh, uh, did
you read this article?
It says here that % of the parents who
want to send their children to college...
don't have the money
when the time comes.
Oh, that shouldn't
worry us now, Herman.
Eddie won't be ready for
college for a long time yet.
No, but it says we
should start planning now.
Set a little bit
aside every year.
Back in the Old Country,
we always buried a
little something in the
backyard for a rainy day.
You know, Eddie
should go to college.
After all, his father
was a college man.
How long were you at the
Heidelberg University, dear?
How long?
I was in their medical
school for six years...
in several different jars.
Yes, Lily, your husband
was a man of parts.
You know, we've got
to send Eddie to college,
even if it means I have
to borrow the money.
[Grandpa] Telephone. What?
The telephone in the hall? It's about
to ring. Why wait till the last minute?
Oh. Thank you, Grandpa.
[Phone Ringing]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
Hello?
Mr. Ramsey? Wilbur's father.
Mr. Munster, I have a
proposition to make you.
Really? A proposition?
I hope that's not another salesman on
the phone, trying to sell cemetery plots.
We have enough trouble
making the payments on
this place without
thinking of resort property.
Well, I could, uh, use the $ or
$ extra a week, but wrestling?
[Chuckles] My goodness.
What would my family
and friends think?
If it's your friends and family you're
worried about, nobody has to know.
We'll put a hood over your head
and bill you as The Masked Marvel.
It'll be a great gimmick.
The Masked Marvel? Uh, you
mean, nobody could see my face?
Well, I sure could
use the money.
Uh, I just might go for it.
Uh, listen, Mr. Ramsey. Just
give me a few days to get in shape,
and I'll get in touch with you.
Mum's the word, now. Bye.
He ties knots in steel bars
and needs to get in shape?
[Laughing] Our
problems are solved.
When you grow up, you're
gonna go to college after all.
Oh, isn't that wonderful. Now maybe you'll
grow up to be half the man your father is.
Oh, boy! You're gonna be your
daddy's big, smart, successful son.
[Laughs]
[Crash]
[Laughing]
Gee, Dad, do it
again. Will ya? Huh?
[Pounding]
There goes Uncle Herman
with that pounding again.
I wish he'd tell us what he's
doing down there in the lab.
He's been spending most of his
time down there now for three days.
He won't even let me in. He says
he's just in training for his new job.
I wonder what he meant
when he said it's night work.
There's only one decent
kind of night work I know of,
and I haven't done any
since I left the Old Country.
Ah, for the good old days
on the graveyard shift.
[Pounding Continues]
There he goes again.
[Crash]
[Growls]
[Growls]
[Yells]
[Chuckles]
[Squeaking]
Hmph! Igor, will you go away?
Can't you see I'm busy?
[Squeaking Continues]
It's not Igor, Herman. It's me.
I just had to fly down here
to see what you're up to.
Grandpa, don't you know
that curiosity k*lled the bat?
But satisfaction
brought him back.
Oh, wrestling.
Now, this is the night work you've
been coming down here training for.
Grandpa, I didn't
want anyone to know.
Some promoter's offered me $ a
week if I'll appear as The Masked Marvel.
[Laughs] The Masked Marvel?
You, a wrestler?
You won't even draw flies.
Oh, on the contrary,
I'm sure I will.
But why you? Of all people,
lowering the Munster dignity.
Because I want my son
to go to college. [Sighs]
I misjudged you,
Herman. But don't worry.
I won't tell anyone
your secret. Shh.
Thank you, Grandpa. Thank you.
Uh, but now I gotta be sure I'm in
shape. I'm due in the arena tonight.
[Spits Twice]
I guess I'd better quit.
I don't wanna overtrain.
[Clamoring]
[Crowd Cheering]
[Bell Rings] And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
for the featured match of the
evening on our all-star wrestling card,
presenting on my
left, at pounds,
standing foot ,
our local champion,
Tarzan McGirk.
[Bell Rings] And as
his opponent tonight,
Tarzan takes on a newcomer,
weighing pounds,
... foot !
foot , a mystery mangler...
The Masked Marvel!
[Crowd Jeering] [Bell Rings]
Your referee for the main event
this evening will be Tiger Joe Marsh.
[Crowd Cheering]
[Crowd Jeering]
Uh, how do you do?
Pleased to meet you.
- Huh?
- Back to your corners.
All right, here we go. Tarzan
McGirk, The Masked Marvel.
Okay, wrestle! [Bell Rings]
Grandpa, do we have
to watch wrestling?
Well, I just thought wrestling
might be nice for a change.
Yeah, leave it on.
Wrestling's my favorite show.
They begin to circle one another
as each looks for an opening.
[Crowd Cheering] Uh-oh, Tarzan
McGirk clamps on his famous headlock.
Yes, there's
action here tonight.
Hey, that Tarzan guy's neat.
He always plays the good guy.
But that other fellow with
the mask, he's so much bigger.
[Grandpa Mouthing
Words] Working hard at it.
Oh, oh! The sleeping
giant has come to life!
Look at that big bully.
Come on, Tarzan.
Don't let him do that.
The Masked Marvel is really
mad. [Continues, Indistinct]
He has completely
dominated the match.
Here we go.
[Continues, Indistinct]
And just look at him
go at Tarzan McGirk!
No! No! Come on! No! Boo! Boo!
McGirk goes down again!
He's such a
brute. I can't watch.
What's he doing?
The back vault! Wow!
Ladies and gentlemen,
now The Masked
Marvel is really mad.
Oh, oh. Doesn't look as
though he has a chance.
[Crowd Jeering]
The Masked Marvel
is really something.
This is the match of the century. I'm
certainly glad that Masked Marvel...
got the worst of it. I am too.
They shouldn't let a big
bully like that in the ring.
McGirk won. I
can't understand it.
I do, Grandpa.
I think the bad guy
was supposed to win.
But that Masked Marvel's
so dumb, he forgot
he was the bad guy
and let that good guy win.
Oh, well, I'm not feeling so well.
I think I'll take a ride in the car.
Yeah, and on the way home,
I'll pick up Herman from work.
Grandpa, couldn't you just give us a little
hint about what kind of work he's in?
I-I'm sorry, Lily. I can't.
But I can tell you this though.
That boy is sure
starting at the bottom.
I can't understand it, Herman.
I saw the match on television.
I haven't seen such a dive since I was
forced down by a vulture over Transylvania.
Grandpa, I just
couldn't help myself.
Every time I got Tarzan McGirk
down on the mat, he talked to me.
Talked to you? Yeah.
Well, I didn't have
the heart to b*at him.
Do you know that he's
supporting four children?
And that his wife's
sister is living with them?
And that he has to send
his sick grandmother
in Ireland money for
medical expenses?
What kind of medical
expenses? Oh, it's pathetic.
She's too poor
to afford a doctor,
so every week she buys nine
dollars’ worth of moldy bread...
and makes her own penicillin.
Oh, boy! And for this
you threw the fight!
I didn't throw the fight.
I-I just couldn't be mean to McGirk
after he told me all his troubles.
He's really a very
nice man. His troubles?
What about your troubles?
Eddie's education is at stake.
You've gotta climb into that ring,
son, not as Herman Munster...
but as every proud father
fighting for his little boy.
This is not just a wrestling
match. This is a shining crusade.
A contest on the
b*ttlefield of life...
that will leave you a
stronger and nobler person.
Really?
Of course. The next bum comes along,
get in there and kick him in the teeth!
[Wind Whistling]
Boy, you should have
been here last night, Pop.
We watched
wrestling on television.
Yes, Herman, they had some big
awful bully called The Masked Marvel.
Yeah, he was clobbering
some guy smaller than him,
but then The Masked Marvel turned
chicken and rolled over on his back.
I've never seen anything
like it, Uncle Herman.
Yeah, Pop, you should have been
here to see that big dope coward.
Yeah, yeah, I should
have been here.
Well, how could he be here? He
was away working on his new job.
That's right. I can't be in
two places at once... anymore.
Herman, I've been looking up
colleges for Eddie, for when he grows up,
and I wanna go
over them with you.
Please, Lily. Let's just see how the new
job works out before we decide on a school.
Herman's right.
One thing at a time.
You know the old saying: No sense
in putting the hearse before the horse.
[Crowd Cheering]
I tell ya... if I lose this match, my
son has to drop out of med school.
Uh, good heavens, man!
Why didn't you tell me?
[Crowd Cheering]
[Bell Rings]
[Crowd Jeering] Break
it up! I said break it up!
But if they repossess
my sister's banjo,
she'll be kicked out of
the Boston Symphony.
Really? I-I had no idea.
[Crowd Cheering]
[Bell Rings]
But I've gotta get my kid
brother the plane fare to Africa.
Albert Schweitzer needs him.
[Crowd Cheering]
Hey, boss, when you gonna
dump this Munster guy?
He's lost eight matches in a row. Even
the crowd's getting tired of booing him.
Look, Jerry, I've got one more
gimmick that might appeal to the fans.
Beginning tonight, I'm
offering $ a minute...
to any cluck from
the audience...
for as long as he can stay in
the ring with The Masked Marvel.
Uh, what is it I'm supposed
to do again, Mr. Hansen?
Strangler, you saw
the sign outside.
Fifty bucks a minute for any amateur
who stays in the ring with this guy.
Well, tonight, you walk up like
any schnook from the audience...
and toss him around
for about minutes.
Yeah, but, uh,
this guy's pretty big.
What if I can't handle him?
Well, how did you
handle the other guys...
Uh, Iron Man Mallory, Benny
Sampson and Charlie the Choker?
You put sleeping pills
in their drinking water.
Okay. So tonight I do the same
thing to The Masked Marvel.
I'm gonna dump this whole bottle in
the water cooler in his dressing room.
He'll be so groggy, your biggest problem
will be keeping him awake during the match.
You're sure a smart
fella, Mr. Hansen.
But ain't this just a
little bit dishonest?
Fifty dollars a minute.
We walk out with , bucks.
I withdraws the question.
Oh, Eddie, you're not going to
turn on wrestling again tonight.
I don't think I can watch that
Masked Marvel one more time.
He's nothing but a bully and a
coward, and he loses all the time.
I know, but the paper
says it's amateur night.
I just wanna watch
this one match.
Who knows? The big
dope might win this time.
[Bell Rings] Ladies
and gentlemen,
a nonprofessional
from the audience,
Mr. John Smith versus
The Masked Marvel...
for $ a minute.
[Crowd Cheering]
Boy, this is gonna
be good tonight.
I hope Grandpa gets
back in time to see it.
The Masked Marvel and the challenger
from the audience. Wait a minute, Eddie.
Isn't that Grandpa there?
Well, it is! I didn't know Grandpa
was this interested in wrestling.
It looks like the battle of
titans here tonight, folks.
This is really a match, folks.
Wow! He may be an amateur,
but if he ever manages to sit on that
Masked Marvel, the match will be over.
Wow, that John
Smith is murdering him.
Look at that big oaf. He's
not even fighting back.
Come on, Herman.
Don't let him do that.
Stay with it, Strangler.
Strangler?
Now, Herman, what kind of a
sob story did this guy tell you?
You're letting him k*ll you.
Who's letting him? I
can hardly see him.
[Yawns]
I'm so sleepy, I
can barely stand up.
[Herman Yelling]
That... That smarts!
Marilyn, doesn't that sound like
Herman? [Herman Groaning On TV]
Yes, it does, Aunt Lily.
[Announcer, Indistinct]
[Eddie] Hey, that is Daddy.
Heavens to betsy.
This... This must be the
night work he's been doing.
Come on, Pop. Clobber 'im!
Come on, Uncle Herman.
Don't let him do that to you.
Come on. Don't let him do that!
Hit him! Come on!
[Herman Yelling]
Come on, Murphy!
Give it to him, Strangler.
The pills are working.
We got it made!
Murphy? Strangler?
You mean that's Strangler Murphy,
who was suspended in Chicago...
for bringing tire
chains into the ring?
No. It just spilled out.
That's John Smith,
that's who it is.
So, you brought
a ringer in, huh?
That's Strangler
Murphy! He's no amateur.
It's a frame-up! [Crowd Jeering]
[Announcer On TV, Indistinct]
Uh-oh, what's Grandpa gonna do?
I don't know, but
he better do it quick.
You wanna play games? I'll
show you how to play games.
Abracadabra, acey-deucy,
alakazam and Bela Lugosi!
[Electrical Surge]
Boss, we gotta stop the
fight. Are you kidding?
No, no, no. There's a fire broke
out in the storage room out back.
Al and the boys are
trying to put it out.
Look. This is the best
attraction we ever had.
Tell 'em to close the fire door. That
oughta hold it back till the fight's over.
But, Duke... Go do it, will you?
Bombs away, Herman!
Hey, Munster!
We got a little fire
out in back. Really?
Yeah, yeah. You gotta make an
announcement to clear the arena.
I'll... I'll try. Good.
Ladies and gentlemen,
you must leave.
[Herman Continues, Indistinct]
Uh... Uh, you see... uh...
Was that quick enough
for you, Mr. Ramsey?
Mr... Mr. Ramsey?
Mr. Ramsey?
Mr. Ramsey?
"Last night at the
Meadow Brook Stadium,
"a newcomer to the wrestling
game, Herman Munster,
"persuaded a capacity crowd to
clear the building in five seconds flat,
"thus preventing a panic, when a
small fire was discovered backstage.
"Fire Chief Davenport
has awarded Mr. Munster...
the city's annual $ , Fire
Safety Award for his heroic action."
Oh, that's wonderful,
Uncle Herman!
You must have done
some quick thinking, dear.
I don't really remember
too much about it.
I was kind of
groggy at the time.
I guess in the emergency,
I just said the right thing.
And you really clobbered
that other wrestler, Pop.
You're the bravest
guy in the whole world.
Thank you, Eddie.
Uh, but, Eddie,
I did it all for you.
And that thousand dollars
is going in our vault...
as a beginning on
your college fund.
Gee, thanks, Pop. You're swell.
Toss me up in the
air again, will ya?
All righty. [Chuckles]
Up we go! [Laughs]
Oh, don't worry, Herman.
Have your hotcakes.
He'll be down before
breakfast is over.