[Chuckling, Reading Silently]
[Laughing] [Door Opens, Closes]
Good evening, Herman. Hmm.
[Creaking] [Wind Blowing]
[Knuckles Cracking]
[Rustling]
Uh, uh... Uh, Grandpa.
Grandpa!
I'm-I'm trying to read.
With all that noise, I can't
concentrate on the jokes.
Thank you, dear.
Don't I have any
rights in this house?
Oh... I just opened the window.
Well, sorry, Grandpa, but
you let out all our musty air.
Fresh air affects my sinus.
[Knuckles Cracking]
- [Rasping]
- Well, I'm sorry if my creaking old bones
are bothering you.
- Oh, stop exaggerating.
- That's right.
- Go ahead, yell at me.
- I'm not yelling.
Oh, yes, you are. No, I'm not.
You are! I am not!
Oh! Stop it, you two!
You'll wake the dead again.
That's all right, Lily. Go
right ahead, take his side.
But I know what's
going on. [Scoffing]
You just can't wait to
see me in my grave.
Oh, Grandpa, we've seen
you there lots of times before.
You're acting very
childish. I'm ashamed of you.
Oh, so now you're ashamed of me.
Well, you won't have to be ashamed of
this poor, broken-down old man anymore.
The next time you see
me around this place,
I won't be here.
Now, Grandpa... I'm
leaving this house for good.
Oh, Grandpa. Tonight.
[Window Creaking]
Now, why did he have to do that?
Herman?
Yes, dear? I'm worried.
We wouldn't want
Grandpa really to leave.
Now, Lily, believe me... there's
nothing to worry your pretty head about.
Oh, what with the mood he's in,
there's no telling what he might do.
Last time we had a family spat,
he turned himself into a frog...
and lived under
the porch for weeks.
Yes, and I've never
seen him happier.
He could croak every night.
Aren't you just a
little bit worried?
Listen, dear. Believe
me, I know Grandpa.
I'm not gonna lose my
head over this. [Chuckles]
[Squeaking]
♪♪ [Humming] [Door Opens]
Hi, Grandpa. Hello, Eddie.
You going someplace,
Grandpa? Yes, Eddie.
I'm going away... far, far away.
But, gee, Grandpa, where? Someplace
where I'm wanted, where I can feel loved.
Gee, Grandpa, can I go
to the cemetery with ya?
I always have so much
fun when you take me there.
No, Eddie. This is
not fun and games.
[Sniffles] This is facing
life in its bitter reality.
You see, the time has
come for me to depart.
You really don't wanna
leave, do you, Grandpa?
Well, no, I don't, but I
think it's best that I do.
Hmm. You see, Eddie, in
the great poker game of life,
it's time Grandpa
cashed in his chips.
I bet if Mom and Dad knew you were
leaving, they wouldn't want you to go.
Oh, they already
do know it. They do?
Yes, and you don't see
them stopping me, do you?
You see, my boy,
they don't really care...
whether I go away or not.
Sure, they care. I'm going down
and tell them you're packing, right now.
No, no, no, no.
I wouldn't want you to do a
thing like that, my boy. No.
Oh, and, uh, by the way,
do be careful what you say.
You see, I wouldn't want
them to worry too much...
about a poor,
broken-down old man...
going out into the
cold, cruel world.
What kind of a world?
"Cold, cruel world."
Good boy. Good boy. Bright boy.
[Laughing]
♪♪ [Humming]
Mom! Dad! Grandpa's leaving!
He's in his room
packing his suitcase.
Packing? Herman, you go
right upstairs and stop him.
Now, Lily, Lily. This is just
part of a big bluff he's putting on.
He's acting very silly.
I think he's in his second
childhood for the third time.
Sure, Mom. You
shouldn't worry too much...
about a poor, feeble,
broken-down old man...
going out in the cold, cruel
world and cashing in his chips.
Where did you
hear that? Grandpa.
Hmm! Who else?
Hmm! Hmm!
Good-bye. I'm leaving.
I said I'm leaving.
Good-bye.
Good-bye. Bye.
[Footsteps]
[Slams]
Uh, may I?
Can I help you? No, no.
What are you looking for? Sailing
dates on ships going to, uh, Hong Kong.
Uh, may I?
See? Right here.
It says there are plenty of
good accommodations left...
in the hold of the
ship. [Chuckling]
[Door Opens, Closes]
Herman, how could you?
Don't worry, dear. It's
just part of his little game.
Hmm. After he's through
sulking, he'll be back.
- But when?
- Nevermore!
Aw, shut up!
[Raspberry]
"Don't worry,
dear. He'll be back.
It's all part of
his little game."
Oh, Herman, I should have
known better. [Cup Clatters]
I still think he'll be back.
Tomorrow morning, we'll go
up to his room, open his closet,
and he'll be hanging
there like always.
No, I don't think so.
[Sighs] A little voice inside me
keeps telling me he's... gone for good.
Oh, is that what it is? I thought
that we'd left the radio on.
Uh, uh... Where's Marilyn?
She was so upset about Grandpa,
she went straight to her room after school.
[Tsks] We've got
to do something.
Herman, I think we should all
go out and look for Grandpa.
Yeah, Dad! No, no, no, no.
I'm the one who let
him go. I'll go get him.
And don't worry, dear.
I'll bring him
back, dead or alive.
Oh, Herman, you're
always so optimistic.
- Hi, fella.
- [Whines]
[Whimpering]
Poor thing. I must resemble
the local dogcatcher.
Uh, uh... Pardon me,
sir. Yeah, Mac, what is it?
Uh, did you happen to see
an old man walk by here?
No, I didn't happen
to see an old man...
[Screams]
I guess it must be easier
to work on from the inside.
Did you happen to look...
Lily, I looked everywhere.
I even looked in the
all-night Laundromat.
The woman in there must have
thought it was the public bath.
She jumped right in
the washing machine.
Oh, dear.
Poor Grandpa. He won't
be with us for the holidays.
He-He'll be back.
I'm-I'm sure he will.
[Squawks] Grandpa. Nevermore.
[Wailing] Oh!
[Crying] Now, Lily. Lily.
Lily, I'm home. [Chuckles]
Did you hear anything from
Grandpa? Oh, not a word.
I spent most of the day in his
room looking for some sort of clue...
as to where he might
have gone, but no luck.
His room is as clean
as a wolf's tooth.
Did you stop by
the police station?
No, but I called them from work.
Are they looking for
Grandpa? They weren't,
but after I gave them his description,
they said they'd send out a dragnet...
or some sort of net.
Good. Mom! Dad!
I found Grandpa
in this newspaper.
Oh, not in the obituaries again?
No. His picture is in this
ad. He's doing his magic act.
[Lily] "Domino Nightclub
presents the 'Count.'"
Oh, dear. I hope he
doesn't try that-that...
oh, that fire-eating
trick of his.
I certainly hope not.
Uh, uh... The last time he
tried it, he got the hiccups.
And before they could stop
him, he burnt down the theater.
Hmm.
[Chuckles]
Oh, Lily, I fixed
your vacuum cleaner.
Oh, good. How
does it work? Fine.
[Engine Whirring]
See? sh**t the dust out
as well as ever. [Chuckles]
Thank you, Herman.
You're very handy.
Uh, would you
like to use it now?
No. No, I just can't
concentrate on my housework.
I... I-I keep thinking
about Grandpa.
I miss him so
much. I know, dear.
[Sighs] I can just
see him in his room,
sitting there,
rocking by the hour.
I know. I always felt bad
we didn't get him a chair.
You know, Herman, I think I'd
feel better if I could just talk to him,
if I could hear his voice.
Well, listen, dear,
I've got an idea.
Wh-Why don't you call
him down at the nightclub?
I think I will.
[Rotary Dialing]
Hello, Operator?
Could you get me the Domino
Club, please, on West Elm.
Oh, hello? Hello.
This is Mrs. Munster.
Could I speak to
the Count please?
They're calling him to
the phone. Oh, good.
Hello? Hello,
Grandpa? This is Lily.
Lily? Lily who? ♪♪[Piano:
Up Tempo, Muffled]
- Lily, your daughter.
- Oh.
Uh, uh... Nice of you
to call. What's new?
Grandpa, we miss you so much.
Are you all right? We're
so worried about you.
Worried? You don't have to worry
about this broken-down old man.
I'm doing fine. My
magic act is going great.
I'm filling the
club every night.
Oh, all right,
Grandpa. Yes, I see.
Well, if that's the
way you want it.
Good-bye.
♪♪[Piano Continues]
[Door Opens, Closes]
[Man] Hey, pops.
Just a little warning, pops.
You brush up that corny magic act
of yours, or you'll be out in the street.
Yes, sir. I know
I'm a little rusty,
but I'm sure I'll be much
better in the next show.
Well, ya better be. We don't
want our customers to think...
we dug you up
at the last minute.
Yes, sir. You see, I'm
adding a new trick to my act.
H-Here, let me show it to you.
Now, you see, I take this
ordinary vase of flowers.
I make a few magic
passes over it.
It bursts into flames,
and rockets sh**t out.
I'll show you.
Abakazoo! Abakazam!
I know. You're skeptical.
Abakazoo! Abakazam!
But just one minute...
[Door Closes]
[Rockets sh**ting]
Stupid late bloomers!
The guy already left.
[Engine Shuts Off]
Here we are, dear...
The Domino Club.
Oh, thank you.
It's not very fancy. According to
Grandpa, I thought it would be ultra-swank.
Uh, uh... "According
to Grandpa"?
[Scoffing] We should have known.
Uh, Lily, I feel terribly
conspicuous dressed
the way we are for
such a shabby place.
Well, let's hope
it'll be nicer inside...
and not one of
those beatnik joints.
If there's anything I can't
stand, it's weird people.
What a surprise
this'll be for Grandpa.
♪♪[Band: Striptease]
This is certainly no
place for Grandpa.
I've seen "liver"
audiences in a graveyard.
♪♪[Continues]
[Slurred] Pardon me.
Could you give me a light?
Oh, gladly.
♪♪[Ends] [Applause]
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen,
I shall perform for you one
of the most amazing feats...
ever attempted in
the annals of magic.
Here we have approaching...
an ordinary steamer trunk.
Now before your very eyes,
I shall step into this trunk...
and allow these
two... gentlemen...
to lock,
[Chains Rattling] chain...
and nail shut the
lid of this trunk.
And then at the count of ,
without the aid of any
death-defying leap,
I shall emerge from
this trunk unassisted.
♪♪[Band]
Remember, ladies and
gentlemen, at the count of ...
[Exhales] unassisted.
Impresario.
You are ready to commence
the tabulation? Ready.
Herman, I've never seen
Grandpa do this trick before.
His magic's been
getting so rusty.
I know. The way he's
been carrying on lately,
he couldn't produce a rabbit
on Easter Sunday. [Hammering]
[Hammering]
One, two, three, four,
[Rattling, Thumping] five, six,
seven, eight, nine, .
- Ten! Ten!
- Herman, I don't like this,
not one bit.
Ten! Now, now, Lily.
♪♪[Cymbals Crash]
Now, ladies and gentlemen, we
seem to have run into some difficulty.
- Bring on the dancing girls.
- [People Cheering]
♪♪[Band: Up Tempo]
Oh, Herman, this is terrible.
Poor Grandpa.
Excuse me, dearie. I
was just admiring your ring.
Oh, thank you. Oh,
it's simply gorgeous.
Rhinestone? Uh,
no, no. Tombstone.
[Cheering, Whistling]
♪♪[Ends] And now...
[Kicking Trunk] Grandpa will
suffocate if he doesn't get out of there.
And now... One, Oh,
Herman, do something.
I'm going to. I'm
going to, Lily. two,
Even if he gets mad
at me, three, four,
I'm gonna get him outta there
if it's the last thing I do. five...
Come on, Count! Count!
Uh, uh... Excuse me.
- Uh, may I?
- What the heck is that?
Must be part of the act.
Boy! What a makeup job.
Oh, so that's the
gimmick. Go ahead.
That's quite an act.
[Nails Squeaking]
Herman. What are you doing here?
I'm rescuing you. I
don't need any rescuing.
But Lily and I saw you. We
thought you were suffocating.
Herman, do me a favor. Get lost!
I'm tryin' to do magic.
All right. If that's the
way you feel about it.
Uh, he'd rather do it himself.
[Laughter]
[Man] He's a phony.
Ladies and gentlemen, that was
an amazing display of strength,
but now let's
check on the Count.
[Snarling]
That Grandpa... what a ham.
♪♪[Band: Fanfare]
[Cheering, Applause]
[Cheering, Whistling]
[Man] More! More! More! More!
You were just great,
Count. I want to apologize for
all those things I said.
[Woman, Grandpa Chattering]
Now, look, Count,
I want to give you a
contract, and you can
write your own ticket.
I'll double your salary,
book you all through the East.
I got friends back there
who'll take care of you.
In the East! Oh, I haven't
flown there in years.
Come on, Lily. Oh, Herman.
[Crying] We've lost
Grandpa for good. [Sighs]
Thank you, but I
have another booking.
This one is with my family.
Oh! Welcome back, Grandpa.
But, pops, show business
needs performers like you.
I know that, but I found
one thing out there tonight.
I need my family more than
show business needs me.
Oh!
Boy, there's a real
showbiz family for ya.
They even go home
with their makeup on.
Grandpa, I hope I didn't
ruin your act for you.
I was just trying to be helpful.
Oh, I was never in any
trouble, but thanks anyway.
It shows that your
heart is in the right place.
Oh, oh... Oh, always
has been. [Chuckles]
Grandpa, are you sure you could have
gotten out of that trunk all by yourself?
Of course, Lily. I was only
toying with the audience.
Of course he was. Hmm.
Oh, it sure is wonderful
to be back with my family,
especially at this
time of the year.
[Marilyn, Herman] Oh!
My favorite holiday dish...
Plum pudding soaked
in brandy sauce.
Here. Here, let me light it
for you. Come on! Come on!
W-W-Wait a minute. What's
going on here anyway?
What do you think,
I'm a helpless old man?
[Scoffing]
[Click]
[Squawks] Grandpa! Forevermore!
[Squawks] [All Laughing]
That's my dad.