11x19 - May Cause Weebles to Fall Down

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

[Laughs]

[Lever clicks]

♪

MAN: It's alive!

[Robot chicken clucking]

♪

[Laughing evilly]

♪

- I want my phone call!
- Payphone's on the wall.

[Telephone ringing]

- Hello?
- I love you.

Ah, success!

To achieve it, you need power,
unbridled ambition,

and a full head
of luxurious hair!

Not every undead master
of evil has hair like mine,

but trust me, Baron Dark,

when I say you can, too, people.

Why, this hair can withstand
even the harshest winds.

I have to admit, it's magnificent.

Aah!

Your hair is, like, glowing.
I have to say this.

It never dries out
or gets frizzy from heat.

I mean, how is that even possible?

Ohh! Aah!

It even looks great wet.

What's my secret?

The hair was a gift
from the Lightstar Crystal

that turned me into
the Skeleton Warrior

you see here before you today.

In my patented one-week program,

its magic can give anyone
a beautiful head of hair.

Even moi?

- Even you.
- Yes! Yes!

I have the power!

Now who's master
of the universe, He-Man?

[Laughs evilly]

An apple a day
keeps the doctor away.

But what if you are a doctor?

You're cents short.

Oh, my eyes, my eyes!

Welcome to the first day
of Mommy and Me.

And can I just say, it is
so refreshing to see a man

helping with his child's
early development?

I'm not sure he is a child.

[Laughs]
You're a riot.

Let's start off
with some airplane.

[Whimpering]

- Oh, dear.
- Uh-oh.

Looks like someone
had an accident.

No worries. Let's try
a more relaxed activity.

Why don't you sing him a song?

I'm not really a singer.

- Hello.
- Why, hello. Is this Mommy?

No, she just lives in my radiator.

Oh, we are totally supportive
of alternative families.

Why did you sing him
"Rock-a-bye, Baby"?

♪ Rock-a-bye, baby ♪

♪ On the treetop ♪

♪ When the wind blows ♪

[Crying]

Oh, boy.

When was the last time
you changed his diaper?

- Oh... never.
- No wonder.

Let's get you cleaned up here,
little guy.

Uh... eww.

Oh, my God!

Nothing a little
baby powder can't solve.

[Crying]

Oh, here.
Tuck those organs in there.

Just like a little burrito.
There we go.

So that's
how you swaddle a baby.

I was going to k*ll him,
but now I kind of like him.

Wonderful!
You guys are...

[Distorted speaking]

[Camera shutter clicks]

- Steak or the fish?
- The fish, please.

- And for you?
- [Growls]

Now's your chance. Be a part
of the "Robot Chicken" action.

What should the werewolf say?
Tweet your answer.

You are awesome and funny,
and now's your chance.

What should the werewolf say?

This is your chance
to write for "Robot Chicken."

Take your sh*t. Do it now.

Here's the winner.

This is the funniest tweet.

- And for you?
- I'll have the fish.

You love Shark Week,
and this year, we're giving you

a week dedicated
to something even better.

It's Mark Week, an entire week
of programing dedicated

to everything Mark!

Mark your calendar
because we have

tons of Mark-centric shows
you don't want to miss.

Like "Mark Cuban's Mark t*nk,"

a show where people named Mark pitch

business marks to Mark
Cuban with markers.

And "Mark Zuckerberg,"
a show where Mark Zuckerberg

marks his mark on the world
while making waves.

And mark my words. You don't
want to miss the Mark event.

The world premiere of
Mark Burnett's new reality mark

"A Roomful of Marks," the show
that puts famous Marks

into a small mark, where
they're forced to injure Marks

over Marks in Mark form.

Because Mark Week starts this
Monday. Go and discover Mark.

This band sucks.
I'm going to the bathroom.

Hurry back.
They could be the next Beatles.

Such a great band, right?

The music touches my soul
in a deep way

- only artists could understand.
- I'm Whisper.

Hey, want to come
backstage and meet the band?

I guess we're touching.

- Odd Bird, this is Daria.
- Oh. Hello.

She said your music
touched her deeply.

Daria, you are clearly
a very smart girl.

I'm having an after-party
at my ranch tonight

with some
very like-minded people.

- I think you should join us.
- Wow. An invitation to a mysterious

ranch by a creepy stranger.
How could I pass that up?

Hope you make me drink some
sort of Kool-Aid now.

Of course. Daria, we are
a group of very special people.

We've been chosen by God
to reach the kingdom of heaven

via an extraterrestrial spacecraft.

Our master,
an alien named Slumu,

- will be escorting us there tonight.
- Oh, joy.

Let's bring out
the branding iron, shall we?

I'm just gonna use
the bathroom first.

My sarcastic tone
keeps digging me

deeper and deeper into trouble.
I need to escape.

[Man screaming] Daria, are you
ready to ascend in a flying saucer

armed with magic more powerful
than the greatest human armies?

[Sarcastically] Absolutely.

- [Sighs] Back on my bullshit.
- All right, everyone. Cin cin!

Mm-mm-mm.

Oh. Well, there go
all my best friends.

What happened?

- They did not wait for us.
- Oops.

Guess I'm the only chosen one.

Ready for your a**l probe?

Sounds like a real treat.
Back on my bullshit.

Were all dinosaurs
as nice as you, Barney?

Why, yes, Kayla.

[Laughter]

I love you.

You love me.

I love you.
You love me.

I love you. You love me.

You love me. I love you.
I love you. You love me.

Hey, what's that?

[expl*si*n]

- Uh-oh!
- Ohhh!

After the scientists thawed me
out and restarted my organs

with a cocktail
of various lizard bloods,

I got to work forging
the license to run a daycare.

'Kay.

At least pretend to
be interested, Kayla.

- 'Kay.
- All my friends are dead.

'Kay.

- [Bleep] you, Kayla.
- 'Kay.

[Laughs] Yeah, being a venture
capitalist means seeking

out new opportunities, but
what the hell is this place?

The planet MS Paint-a-Bot?

Hi. I'm Todd, and this
is my world. [Music]

ToddWorld!

Hi, Todd.
Does your world have dentists?

[Laughs]
Look at this guy's mouth.

Dude, you only have one tooth.

How do you bite
through wide foods?

- Like theoretically a slice of cheese?
- Todd, we're venture capitalists.

We want to invest
in immersive environments.

[Chuckles]
Neato mosquito!

This week, we visited
Jurassic World,

Westworld, and Murderworld.

And let me tell you,
bro-ham, ToddWorld

better show us something
if it wants our seed money.

Hmm.
Oh, my friend Pickle

is about to play
a concert with his band.

Hells yeah!

- Groupies and coke!
- Grokies!

I hear we have some tech bros
in the house.

Anyone want to join in?

Hell yeah.
I played sax in high school.

Oh, yeah, here it comes.
, , , !

[Playing sour notes]
♪ This is the best song ♪

♪ Future Grammy winner ♪

♪ If the melody is strong, you
can have the b*at for dinner ♪

[Playing sour notes]

Stop playing!
[Music stops]

This song is a pile
of burning cow sh*t!

Yeah, but my sax was good, right?

Your sax sounded like Ned Beatty
getting ass-[bleep]ed

with a VHS copy of "Deliverance"!

And, uh, that's okay.

Stella doesn't have
to like your music.

All that matters
is whether you like it.

That's today's lesson.

Yes! I think we should invest
all our money in ToddWorld.

Me too.

[Group cheering]
Let's get out of here.

Today's real lesson
is how venture capitalists

are emotionally stunted,
dysfunctional voids

who invest in any product

that replicates
a true human experience.

Yeah, and in six months,
they'll sell us to Facebook

for billions
more than they paid for us.

[Laughter]

Ask not what your country
can do for you.

Why do I need a country
that doesn't do anything?

Ask what you can do
for your country.

Sounds like a pretty
one-way street.

Hey, pal, I don't come down
to where you work

and slap the [bleep]
out of your mouth.

I think you're confusing me
with Marilyn Monroe.

- Burn.
- The president's been roasted!

Time to pay my yearly respects
to you, Mom and Dad.

What the...
Where did this come from?

Yeah, hey, man, if you want to
get in, you got to buy a ticket.

Hello? I'm Bruce Wayne.

Uh. Wayne family members
get a % discount.

Oh, always nice to be included.

Welcome to the Thomas and
Martha Wayne m*rder Alley Tour.

Sadly, their lives were cut short

only a few hundred yards
from where we stand.

The evening began here
at Giussepe's.

Uh, no, this restaurant
wasn't even here.

As you can see
from the receipt on the wall,

Thomas had the angel hair pasta
in pink sauce.

Martha had the walnut shrimp.

I highly recommend that,
by the way.

- And Bruce had the grilled cheese.
- This is all wrong.

Walnut shrimp?
She was allergic to shellfish.

And cheese gives me diarrhea.

The receipt was found
in Thomas' wallet.

After being examined as evidence,

it was given
to the Wayne Foundation.

They graciously allow it
to be displayed here today.

Okay, one, the police
don't just turn over evidence

in an ongoing case, and,
two, his wallet was stolen.

After dinner, the family
came to see this movie...

"Benji's Very Own
Christmas Story."

What?! I hate those movies.
We saw "The Legend of Zorro."

They left early because
their son, Bruce, was

frightened of the elves and
accidentally wet his pants.

No, wait.

Yes, that was
a very good Benji movie.

[British accent] Ooh!
I done wet me pants, guv'nor.

[Crowd screaming]
[Sighs]

Jesus [bleep]ing Christ.

Give me all your money.

And pearls. I love pearls.

Oh, please, sh**t my wife
and pants-wetting son,

- but leave me alone.
- This is slander.

Uh-oh!
I done pissed in me pants again.

No, this is not what happened.

You're raising bed wetters?
I'll k*ll you for that.

- Blam!
- Oh, my goodness.

No.

- Blam, blam!
- Aah!

[Gasps] I'm rich!

This is an outrage!

Oh, it's in my face!

[Spitting]
Why would you use actual pee?

[Crowd groaning]

Please exit through the gift shop.

[Sighs] Wow, this ring-spun
cotton is really soft.

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.