08x11 - The (Almost) Last Dance

Episode transcripts for the TV show "blackish". Aired September 2014 - current.*
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A family man struggles to gain a sense of cultural identity while raising his kids in a predominantly white, upper-middle-class neighborhood.
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08x11 - The (Almost) Last Dance

Post by bunniefuu »

["MOVE ON UP" BY
CURTIS MAYFIELD PLAYING]

DRE: The American Dream
says that, with hard work,


where you started doesn't
have to be where you finish.


Generations build on the success

of the ones that came before.

The goal is to make a better,

more prosperous future
for your children.


- It's what my folks did for me.
- [TING]

My pops worked odd jobs,

but he made sure the
lights were always on.


And my mother worked
overtime at the post office


to make sure that I could
get the best education.


There were some bumps,
but they did their part


to make sure I had it
better than they did.


And I know that everything
I have is because of them.


It's why I'm so glad to
have them under our roof.


Oh, my God.

What did I just bite into?

That's, uh, vegan buttermilk chicken.

Hell to the no.

Earl, step in and give them the news

before I start yelling.

Okay, y'all. Listen up.

RAINBOW: Okay.

- Ruby and I...
- Mm-hmm.

... are moving out.

Hallelujah!

It's never gonna be
the same without you.

We got love for y'all.

- Y'all know that.
- Yes.

But the open road is calling.

Mm-hmm.

So it's time for us to
get on the good foot...

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- ... and on to our next adventure.

[CHUCKLES] That's why we bought an RV.

I bet you $ that RV's on fire

by the side of the road in weeks.

Nah, wedged in a Bible Belt
Hardee's drive-thru by June.

- [SUCKS TEETH]
- Oh, I could see that, too.

- Mm-hmm.
- Wow! [LAUGHS]

You guys in an RV? It is so exciting.

You know, when my
parents were in their RV,

I did not hear from
them for, like, months.

Like, almost a yea... I did...

T... they didn't call
me. I didn't call them.

They were just off the grid.

Yeah, like, what do you
guys even have planned?

Well, we're gonna visit the states

- we don't have bench warrants in.
- Mm-hmm.

Maybe even put the RV on a riverboat.

- RAINBOW: Ooh.
- Mm-hmm.

And then take it down the Mississipp'.

Mm-hmm. And I've always
wanted to head up to Motown

to see the parking lot

where the Holland brothers
pulled a g*n on Smokey Robinson.

- Wow. Heard about that. Heard about that.
- Sure did.

Point is, we've got

years of seeing this
country ahead of us.

- Nowhere to be and no time to be there.
- Hey!

Well, I am happy for you guys.

You may have not noticed it

because my muscle gains
haven't started to come in yet,

but I'm on a bit of a
personal journey myself.

- Oh, because your girlfriend dumped you?
- Ah.

No, because I realized
that my body is a machine

and to keep it up to
par, I have to make sure

that I'm about that gym life.

Okay, look, I-I know you
guys really want to do this,

but I got used to you being here.

You know, it's...

It's not gonna be the same.

[SIGHS] Never.

It's never, never, never
gonna be the same again.

Like, never.

So, you guys have,
um... Do you have a plan?

Like, is there a
specific date... or time?

Well, yeah, but not until
we get our ducks in a row.

- It won't take long.
- RAINBOW: Yes.

- We got matching julep cups.
- Shut up.

So we are not missing
the Kentucky Derby.

[LAUGHS]

Enough spilling our secrets, Earl.

All right.

That's one thing I won't miss.

This whole house of people
knowing our business.

Then why do you shave
your legs by the pool?

Hey.

Since I been doing that,

our gardeners have been paying us.

- Oh.
- Now...

how about we throw out all this slop,

and I'll make you some real
chicken and biscuits, eh?

- Mm.
- Eh?

Oh, well, if that's
okay with you, Rainbow.

[CORK POPS]

Oh, that's just fine.
Got my dinner right here.

After Bow had celebrated
the Gods opening a window,


she found they were
also shutting a door.


What the... ?

Oh, my God. Okay.

- Bow, what's going on?
- I'm soaking wet.

- What?
- Oh, my God. No.

I'm soaking wet.

Babe, be honest.

What?

Did you pee the bed? You can tell me.

No, Dre, I did not.

I think these are night sweats.

Okay.

I believe that I'm going
through perimenopause.

I am perimenopausing.

I always want to help my wife,

but I'm a smart enough man to
know when I'm in over my head


and it's time to call in reinforcements.

[HORN BLOWS]

Mom!

My daughter, the winds whispered to me

about an important milestone
on your menses journey.

Oh. And I texted you.

Yes, always nice to get
a midnight text saying,

"Your daughter's body's breaking down."

[STAMMERS] Well, come on in, Alicia.

- Yeah.
- Come on in. And give us two secs.

I just want to talk to...
talk to Dre for a second.

- Uh-huh.
- Come here, honey.

- Yeah?
- [CLEARS THROAT]

So you willingly invited
my mom into our house?

Well, look, babe, I-I
thought it would be good

to have someone with experience around

- to help with the perimenopause.
- Mm-hmm.

Which is the beginning
of menopause, all right?

During which time your ovaries
are producing less estrogen.

I know what perimenopause is, Dre.

Okay, well, you know, I just
wanted to show you my work, okay?

Before I handed you off to your mom.

And now that I've gotten my credit,

- I'm done.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye. Hi, Mom.

- ALICIA: Okay.
- Hi, hi, hi.

[CHUCKLES]

You really did not need to come.

You're going through one of
the great transitions of life.

You've been driven by
the moon for decades.

Now the time has come for you
to become your own moon driver.

Mom, it is a hormonal shift,
and I've got it all handled.

- Promise.
- Okay, I'll follow your lead.

But I may sprinkle a little maca powder

on your tongue while you sleep.

- Okay.
- Mm.

I don't think that'll do anything,

but you can sprinkle.

No, Mama, my house
is not a storage unit.

Okay. Goodbye, Mama.

Okay, Dre. What's
happening? What's going on?

Oh, don't tell me.

They discontinued your beard sheen.

- No.
- Oh.

My moms and pops are moving out.

- What?
- [GASPS]

Are they looking for an
unlicensed moving company?

I know a guy. [CHUCKLES]

Me. Charlie Telphy.

No, Charlie, I think they're good.

They bought an RV,

and they are going out to see America.

- Wow.
- That's exciting, Dre.

They're cashing in on the dreams

that they delayed while
they... they served others.

That is the proper middle-class
third-act retirement move.

You know, I've been planning
my next act since I was .

When I retire, I want to
open a B&B on the East Coast.

- Mm-hmm.
- I'll cook. I'll host.

It'll be like having a
new family every weekend.

Ironic, because a revolving door
of new families is my plan, too.

In my retirement, I plan
on telling White people

I played for a n*gro league.

Tell them my name is something
like "Corn Cob Robinson"

to see if they'd buy me a drink.

That's your plan?

Yeah, you're right. Stove Pipe Jackson.

- Better name, right?
- That's...

I've never really
thought about retirement,

- but I'm pretty sure I'd be good at it.
- Hmm.

Shuffleboard, cruises, golfing,

following Wu-Tang around the world

until there are no
original members left.

Now, that is Dre time.

Okay, Dre, I'm sorry.

I find it hilarious that you
actually think you're going to retire.

You have an infant, man.

- So?
- JOSH: [CHUCKLES] "So?"

You're not about to stop working, Dre.

You've got two decades

of private school, braces,
and college to pay for.

Then Dre time?

Maybe. Assuming they're successful

and they can take care of themselves.

Dre, you've got five kids, okay?

One of them is gonna be a Tito.

CHARLIE: This is a good time to mention

that if me and my bride
have any "oops" babies,

- you will be raising them.
- What?

You better settle in,
buddy, because, uh,

whether it's natural
causes or foul play,

you are gonna die here.

[LAUGHS] Yeah.

Those guys were just
trying to get in my head.


I'm good. I've saved money...

I think.

S... still, I've got this under control.

They can't tell me nothing.

Excuse me.

I think you're sitting in my seat.

I gotta stay on my grind.

Jack needs money for ninja college.

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMS]

Oh.

Ohh. Ahh.

Still sweaty.

♪♪

[GROANS]

♪♪

Hey, baby. You want some pancakes?

Well, not unless it's gonna
make me feel any better

about the fact that I'm
gonna die at my desk.

That's actually not a
bad place to go, son.

The janitor just wheels
you out. No muss, no fuss.

Yeah. All right, well,
you guys have a good one.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

Hey, hey. Who wants breakfast?

Grandma, are you okay?

What? I'm just cooking breakfast.

Now, listen. I ran out of blueberries,

so some of those pancakes have raisins,

and some have gummy vitamins.

Oh.

I tell you what, I'm not gonna miss

doing all this work when I'm gone.

- When did you ever do this before?
- Yeah.

See, Earl? They don't appreciate me.

Y'all better appreciate this woman.

We gonna be having pancakes on the road

pretty soon anyway, baby.

No pancakes for me.

My trainer, Uric, will k*ll me

if he smells grain on my breath.

Gotta keep it keto for the g*ns.

Look at this one, all greedy.

Enjoy that last plate of grandma bacon.

This is why I'm never coming back.

Whoa, just because you move

doesn't mean you gotta stay gone.

Yeah, you saw Junior when he moved out.

I mean, he kept a toothbrush
in all three bathrooms.

Mm. Every time you take a sip of soda,

you're only nine minutes
away from a cavity.

Remember that.

I'm sorry, baby, but our
time living here is done.

I'm trying to see Miami
before it's underwater.

- Oh, yeah.
- [SCOFFS]

You don't want to be in town
after the gators take over.

Oh, no.

The thought of staying in
the rat race until I die


took a lot of joy out of
coming into the office.


- Hey!
- Oh, Dre!

You work upstairs. What
are you doing down here?

Oh, I know.

Too shy to poop around your new friends?

- Yeah.
- What? No.

- Oh.
- Hey, when you guys look ahead

and see, uh, an endless
loop of sitting in traffic

and pitching ads and
sucking up to clients

until one day, they
lower you in the earth,

do you ever think,
"Is this all there is?"

- What?
- Are you kidding?

I love work.

We've got dream jobs, Dre.

Yeah, advertising is the
best job in the world,

- and I've had a lot of them.
- Mm.

Ditch-digger. Clam-digger.

Amateur Russian Rouletter...

which, of course,
leads to grave-digging,

which leads to grave robbery,

which led to me finding a wallet

with Leslie Stevens'
business card inside of it,

and then here I am in advertising.

Dre, this is an amazing job.

All you got to do is show
up, sit in comfortable chairs,

- and come up with ideas.
- JOSH: That's right.

Do you have any idea how much blood

my housekeeper has to clean up?

Oh, one summer, I cleaned up
a lot of blood on the Vineyard.

Second-best job I ever had.

This is the first.

- Right, right.
- Yeah, yeah.

You guys are right.

We have the best jobs in the world.

Who needs to sit and
feed pigeons in a park?

- Exactly.
- Do you know what?

We are living the dream,

- and I'm not slowing down now.
- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.
- I'm gonna continue to boss up.

- Thanks, fellas.
- Yeah! Yeah!

That's the attitude, Dre.

[CHUCKLES] I'm telling you guys,

this is the greatest gig in the world.

- Absolutely.
- Isn't it, though?

But you're still gonna call me

if your housekeeper
calls in sick, right?

♪♪

[BEEPING]

Every day, more and more,

we become like the robots that we fear.

Oh, no. I'm just monitoring
my heart rate, Mom.

I'm trying to understand
what's going on with my body.

A friend of mine told me

that I might experience
heart palpitations.

Oh, Rainbow, I'm so sorry.

Would it help if I walked around
you in a circle three times

and sang a hymn to Gaia?

No. No, I don't think so.

- Ah.
- I'm just so frustrated.

There's no information, Mom.

There's more information
about deep-sea sharks

than there is about perimenopause.

% of the population goes through this,

and there's no information.

Ridiculous. Perhaps the problem is

that you're looking for
information out there

when you should be looking
for information there.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

'Cause my body... Yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes.

My body just feels like
a foreign place, and I...

Oh, God.

- Oh, God.
- H... heart palpations?

- I'm getting hot.
- I'll get the bells.

No, no, I don't want bells, Mom.

I need to get out of the jacket.

Oh, God! Here it comes!

Oh, my God, it's like a summer.

Oh!

Oh, take it off! Take it off! Take it!

While Bow was trying
to turn down the heat,


my whole perspective had changed.

I was crushing it at work.

Old Steed Whiskey.

Why show when you can win?

[APPLAUSE]

- [LAUGHING] Hey, there he is.
- Hey.

- Wow, that was amazing.
- Mm-hmm.



They want us for print and TV.

You were on a whole
other level in there.

Where's that guy been?

Aw, hey, man. I'm just
blessed to be here.

And if this is what I'm meant
to do for the next years,

- I'm okay with it.
- Hell, make it years.

- years!
- [LAUGHS]

years! I'm okay with it.

I'm okay with it.

I'm okay with it.

We get it. You're okay with it.

Yeah.

I'm okay with it.

♪♪

I'm okay with it.

I'm okay with it.

♪♪

I'm okay with it.

♪♪

I'm okay with it.

♪♪

Dre. Dre. Come on. Come on.

Oh, sorry, Pops. What's up?

I said, "Is it cool if we take

your fancy monogrammed
luggage, for our trip?"

I want everybody to know that

we are RV people by choice.

Yeah, yeah. It's cool.
Do what you gotta do.

For real?

What about your nice winter
coat with the fur lining?

Take it.

I'm not going anywhere.

Boy, you wouldn't give water to a whale.

I'm a little mistrustful of all
this generosity you making with.

Now, what's wrong with you, Dre?

I don't know, Pops. I'm
just having a hard time.

Where I am in life, it's hard to pivot.

All right?

Every decision feels more permanent,

and I'm heading to place where I have

more good days behind
me than ahead of me.

So do I keep doing mayonnaise ads

until I have one foot in the grave?

- I don't think so.
- Oh, man.

See, we all been there. I get it.

Yeah, Pops?

Oh, yeah.

Now, you want my advice?

I do.

Suck it up.

What?

You a man. You got responsibilities.

You got to keep a roof over your head

and put food on the table.

You don't have time to be
mooning around the house,

lending out luggage to people
who are not gonna return it.

I get that, Pops. I
just feel lost right now.

Oh, congratulations, Dre.

You're the first Black
man to ever feel lost.

Need to get your ass out
there and play through.

Understood?

- Yes, sir.
- Good.

Also...

I'm taking all your frozen steaks

and your good cooler,

'cause that's the least you can
give me for all this good advice.

♪♪

Oh, my God.

♪♪

What the hell are you doing?

This sweating is k*lling me, Ruby!

[SIGHS]

I'm trying to manage this perimenopause.

I'm so over it. I'm over it... uh.

You know what?

If you repeat a word I'm
about to say, I'll deny it.

- Okay.
- You hear me?

Yeah.

[WHISPERING] I've
gone through menopause.

- Yeah, I... I... I know.
- Mm-hmm.

- Well, menopause sucks.
- Yes.

Your body spends decades
growing and taking care of life,

and then Mother Nature thanks you

with hot flashes and mood swings.

Oh, let me tell you something, Ruby.

I ran for three miles after
an ice cream truck today,

and then I punched a
dent into the side of it

because they told me that they
didn't have any more Tutti Frutti.

[LAUGHS]

It was not one of my finest moments.

Oh, honey. That's nothing.

One time I had a hot
flash sitting there,

- waiting to get a bank loan.
- Hmm.

I started tearing my clothes
off like a Vegas showgirl.

- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Oh, God.

- Hey, but it's not all bad.
- Mm.

Because now, all of this is yours again.

Think, when was the last time

your breasts belonged
to you and you alone?

Ooh, it's been a minute.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yep.

And you can finally ask yourself,

"What does Rainbow Johnson want to do?"

- Huh.
- It's your time now.

Oh, I really like the sound of that.

It's my time.

You know, Rainbow, I
made a conscious decision

to spend my time here watching
my grandbabies grow up.

And it's been the best
seven years of my life.

Mm.

Thank you for blessing
me with that opportunity.

- [SNIFFLES]
- Oh, Ruby, of course.

- Of course.
- Hmm.

- Thank you for what you just said.
- Mm.

It was really helpful.

And thank you for
always being here for us.

But I am gonna miss you, Rainbow.

I'm gonna miss all of you.

Aww, Ruby.

- [HUMS]
- [CRYING]

I'm gonna miss you, too.

It's okay if the idea of
change makes you a little sad,


but there are good things
that can come from it.


Hey, hey, hey.

I got you a little going-away something.

- Mm.
- Okay.

- Uh...
- Mittens.

Homemade mittens.

I stayed up all night making these

because I wanted to make sure

you have something to remember me by.

Yeah, totally. These
will be great reminders

of how salty you've been to us all week.

- Yeah.
- All right, all right.

I admit,

I haven't been my normal
cheery self lately,

but it was just a defense

because I realized how
much I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna miss Diane's smart mouth.

I'm gonna miss Jack's smart nothing.

Is this more pushing us away?

I'm even gonna miss Junior getting angry

when I ask him to print out my e-mails.

It defeats the purpose
of electronic mail.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Well, if you're gonna
miss all those things,

you don't have to go.

We do, baby.

It's time for your grandfather and I

to start our new chapter.

Now, that doesn't mean we
haven't loved our life here, okay?

I-I can't even remember a time

when you didn't live with us.

[SIGHS] Hey.

Watching you all grow up

has been the greatest joy of my life.

♪♪

I wouldn't trade a single second of it.

Us, either.

♪♪

Come here. Come on.

Come here. Come to Grandma.

♪♪

[CHUCKLES] Come here.

Aww! Yes! [LAUGHS]

Okay, okay. Hold on, now.

I got something for you, too.

Oh, Earl.

- Junior.
- Thank you.

There you go, Diane.

Okay.

bucks?

Well, I didn't plan this, but
your grandma's being so nice,

I couldn't just stand there like a jerk.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Oh, whoa, whoa.

Mine's only a .

- Let me see that.
- Yeah.

Yep. Now it's nothing.

- What?
- See, I'm not gonna miss this.

That's on you.

- That's what you get.
- Mm.

Maybe my change wasn't going to be

as dramatic as Bow's or my folks',

and maybe Pops was right
about what I had to do...


keep my head down and gut it out.

Hey.

I'm not feeling so great. I'm
gonna need to take the day.

Thanks.

The only problem was, I couldn't do it.

Jack, I feel terrible
that I was here to mark

Diane's transition into womanhood,

but I wasn't able to do the same

when you hit puberty.

You know, I can honestly say
that I didn't think about it.

You weren't here to mark mine, either.

Yes, but you became
quite the man on your own.

[EXHALES]

[GRUNTS]

She noticed the gains.

Now let us mark the transition. Jack...

are you ready to step through
the door of childish things

and claim the fullness
of your adulthood?

Uh, sure. Let me blow the horn.

You know, I started running a bath

I don't know how long ago, so...

Oh, no, young man.

The path to adulthood
is marked with blood.

♪♪

You know what? I...
I can definitely hear

that tub overflowing right now.

Um...

♪♪

Give me the Kn*fe.
I'll get you that blood.
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