05x07 - A Real Actress Could Do It

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: I've made my decision.

LIAM [OVER PHONE]: Okay, what's that?

You were right.
The other day in my office.

That was goodbye.

I can't do this anymore.

I love Cutler.

What we have is real.

I'm sorry, Lionel, but...

it's over.

[CRYING]

FALLON: What the hell is she doing?

The only time I've ever
cried like that was never.

Aren't I the producer here?

Why are you involved in casting again?

Well, since the character
is based on me,

Liam thought I'd have some insight.

Not to mention,
who let all these freaks into our house?

Well, Nina felt that having
them audition in this space

would help them get into character.

Well, guess what? It didn't work.

Plus, actors are notorious thieves.

I noticed that all the decorative soaps

were missing from the East powder room.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I thought we agreed you were no longer
allowed to look at auditions.

- Mm-hmm.
- I'm not sure we agreed to that.

Well, it doesn't matter,
since all those ladies

are backups to this one.

MICHAEL: Janelle Crowley?

Ooh! Yes, you see?

This is what I'm talking about.

If somebody is going to play Fallon...

- Farrah.
- then they need to be as impressive

as the real deal.

She's basically the next Meryl,
with the mystique of Gaga

and the environmentalism of DiCaprio.

Not to mention,

the financiers were
threatening to pull out

if we didn't land someone big.

Well, I didn't think she was interested.

There's a few contingencies.

One major one.

Janelle wants to shadow Fallon
for hours starting today

before she makes her decision.

Hey, look, if it's too much to ask...

No. Nothing is too much for you.

After all you've done for me?

I've been waiting for a
chance to return the favor,

- and this is it.
- Thank you.

Not to mention, associating myself

with a well-known
eco-activist like Janelle

could really boost consumer confidence

as we kick things back
up with Morell Green.

There's that ulterior motive.

Oh, "ulterior" sounds so ugly.

But can you go hours without spooking

an eco-conscious do-gooder
like Janelle Crowley?

Of course I can. I'm an open book.

I've got nothing to hide.

- [PHONE VIBRATES]
- [PHONE CHIMES]

Got to go. Family meeting.

Tell Janelle's people

I am ready for my close-up.

BLAKE: PPA's expansion

is underway. But the company needs

more than private fliers to survive.

The airport construction
costs are too high.

Is this some kind of PPA prospectus?

Are we supposed to know what PPA means?

Primetime Private Air. It's my company.

I need a major commercial
client to raise the bottom line.

So if you have any leads, I'm all ears.

Anything to boost freight
traffic through my airport.

I missed breakfast with
my father for this?

AMANDA: Yeah, I know I'm new here,

but this doesn't really seem worthy

of, like, an in-person family meeting.

There's one other matter.

This may sound strange,

but for the past three weeks,

the woman that we all
thought was Cristal

was actually an imposter named Rita.

"May" sound strange?

Yeah, how is that even possible?

If she was an imposter,

then where have you been?

Beto kidnapped me and kept
me locked in a basement

so he could use this woman to
steal back our family business.

But he's gone and she's in jail.

So you're saying I let a nonprofessional

massage my spine?

I mean... are you okay?

I'm fine.

And the sooner I can stop
thinking about this, the better.

I can't believe we didn't know.

Although I did think it was weird

you gave me such good advice.

None of you could have known.

Beto trained Rita perfectly.

But it's over.

And I'm moving on. We all should.

BLAKE: Well, good.

Family meeting adjourned.

Okay.

CHARLIE: As you know,
I sent your materials

to several print ad casting calls.

Ooh, you're scaring me with this tone.

No tone. And while the response
hasn't been as immediate

- as I had hoped...
- Oh, I knew we sent in the wrong pictures.

I had crazy eye bags that day,

and I'm talking checked bags,
not carry-on.

- No, that's not what I mean...
- It's okay.

We just have to take new ones.
I can fund a sh**t.

Kirby, please stop speaking

and let me talk for one second.

You don't need print ads because...

I booked you a shampoo commercial.

- It sh**t tomorrow.
- Really?

Shampoo commercials are,
like, the holy grail

of modeling, and it's sh**ting tomorrow?

Am I dreaming?

Want me to pinch you?

Yeah.

[GASPS]

Um...

you know I've never acted before, right?

As long as your gorgeous hair
can act, we're good.

But let's keep the holes in
your résumé to ourselves.

I may have told the client
you're an experienced actress.

SAM: Stop number

on the grand tour,

- my bedroom.
- [SIGHS]: Oh, great.

Because I could use a break.

Yeah, this place is huge, and...
[CHUCKLES]

I'm not as young as I used to be.

Oh, tell me about it.

I can only go out dancing
three nights a week these days.

Aging is such a drag.

[PHONE CHIMES]

- What?
- What? What's wrong?

Apparently a rock band staying
in the presidential suite

started a small fire.

Just one second while I deal with this.

Hello? What do you mean?

[DOOR CLOSES]

- [DOOR OPENS]
- BLAKE: Everything okay in here?

Yes, of course.

Uh, Blake, right?

I don't think we've officially met.

Right.

Daniel, Fallon's horse trainer.

You can call me Mr. Carrington.

And then you can tell me
what you were just doing.

Sorry, false alarm.

Literally.
Our smoke alarms are too sensitive.

I knew we spent too
much money on safety.

- I see you two have met.
- Yes, we have.

Could I have a word?

Oh, maybe later?

I'm gonna let my father catch his breath

and then we're gonna continue the tour.

- Everything okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just perfect.

- Lemonade?
- Yes, please.

FALLON: Morell Green

is kind of our environmental North Star.

With Jeff Colby leading the way,
the rest of the company

will follow his example as
we build a better world.

He should be here any minute.

When this offer first came in,
I thought the character

was just a spoiled oil heiress.

- [CHUCKLES]
- But now,

seeing your eco-conscious side,

I knew there had to be more layers.

I'm like an onion, you know.

But I'm just flattered

that you're considering taking the role.

I mean, I've been a fan of yours
since you were on that soap.

You know, the one where you...

you did CPR in a bikini every week?

- Beach Doctor.
- Yeah.

Wow, you really are a fan.

More importantly, what was it like

kissing Ryan Gosling
in that tornado movie?

- Mm.
- [CLEARS THROAT] Uh, Fallon, a word?

Ah! Yeah, Jeff, this is...

Wow. Janelle Crowley.

Huge fan.

Which I'm sure you hear all the time.

And yet it never gets old.

So... thank you.

Of course.

Um, I was just about to tell Janelle

that our site managers
should be done relocating

Patty's petroleum to an ethical
waste ground by end of day.

An eco-friendly hallelujah to that.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna use the ladies' room.

Don't do anything
exciting till I come back.

I won't. [CHUCKLES]

Hold that hallelujah.

We got a problem with Morell.

There's an issue with securely

disposing of the toxic
waste from the plant,

a spill which resulted

in some of it being
relocated into marshland.

- Oh, no, are those egrets?
- Yes.

Well, if this leaks,
it'll be a PR nightmare for us.

- Yes.
- And tree-hugger Janelle Crowley

will never sign on to play yours truly.

- Seems likely.
- And Liam's movie will implode.

Probably.

Well, this is a huge cluster duck.

♪

Apologies are for incompetent people,
Cynthia.

- Um...
- I want competence... look it up.

- Yeah, but...
- And while you have the dictionary open,

maybe get acquainted
with the word "unemployed."

- But... but Ms. Co...
- Good morning.

There is my knight in cashmere armor.

I thought you could use
some calming saffron tea.

I know I seem stressed,
but Alexam's launch

is only a few weeks away
and everything is a mess.

Look, I get why you're stressed.

But I miss last week's Alexis.

The one who was so carefree

and relaxed in our
modest palace in Dubai.

Well, I wasn't so carefree

when that sandstorm hit when we were

experimenting with the hot tub jets.

How much of that call did you hear?

Enough to know that you weren't
particularly kind to Cynthia.

I have a short fuse.

I know it's a problem
if I'm going to get that

flock of losers to be productive.

First step, maybe
don't call your employees losers.

And second step,
maybe you can ask someone

for advice on adjusting
your management style.

How about you? You manage a hedge fund.

I was thinking of someone with
a similar temperament to yours.

My fuse is long.

Oh, don't I know it.

[CHUCKLES]

JEFF: The people who caused this spill

were holdovers from Patty's company.

Maybe just own up to it.

Sometimes the truth works.

No one cares about the truth.

They'll just write articles
saying Fallon Unlimited

destroys the environment
and kills furry creatures.

And then they'll show a picture
of a very sad, thin bird

with a Sarah McLachlan song playing.

Our stock price will drop faster

than Janelle drops out of this movie.

We need a swift and secret clean-up

of this mess, coupled with a swift

and secret f*ring of whoever
is responsible for this.

Should we loop in your VP?

Kelly? No, she's home sick with the flu.

Lucky bitch.

Well, what about Janelle?

If she's shadowing you,
she'll eventually

want to know what's going on.

Alexis is coming to visit.

I will have her distract Janelle

while you figure this whole thing out.

She cannot find out,
otherwise Liam will never

trust me to help him again.

CRISTAL: How do I look?

Radiant, as always.

I thought you said you were done

wearing camel hair coats for the season.

I never said that. Why would I...

That must have been Rita.

I should clear my head.
Today's a big day.

- Flores business?
- In a way.

I'm attending the ELLE
workshop for female CEOs.

It stands for Executive
Ladies Leadership Essentials.

Well, it sounds a little
Ya-Ya Sisterhood for my taste.

You should let me help you.

Leadership Essentials is my middle name.

Thanks, but Joyce Barry
is the best there is

at this kind of thing.
And your CEO experience

as a straight white male is

probably a little different from mine.

I'm not so sure about that these days.

Maybe let's keep the focus on me?

The Flores board rejected

my three-year corporate expansion plan.

I need to find a way

to tighten my grip and get what I want.

Maybe you should partner with PPA.

A high-profile, new air freight contract

that could sweeten your
expansion plan with the board.

Getting my husband's help

isn't the best way to show the board

how strong and independent I am.

Well, fair enough.

Are you sure you don't need more time

after what you've been through?

Yes.

I'm sure. I've got this.

ALEXIS: No one knows

what they're doing.
So what would you do in my position?

Why don't you just do what
you used to do at the manor?

Fire them and start fresh.

Well, there's no time for that.

Plus I need to learn to be nicer.

[SIGHS]

What's with the sushi spread,
and it's vegan?

Is that even a thing?

- Only the best for my mother.
- JANELLE: I guess I just wanted something

that challenges me, you know?

- Is that Janelle Crowley?
- Mm-hmm.

Wow, she really looks older in person.

You can keep that to yourself.

Right now, she is trying to decide

if she wants to play me in Liam's movie.

And I really,
really need you to go over there

and just regale her, you know,
with stories from my youth

while I go handle a
private business matter.

I came here for help,

not to chitchat with
America's sweetheart.

Okay, okay, fine.

I know someone who can help you.

I will set it all up

if you go talk to Janelle.

Just keep it positive and eco-friendly.

Janelle?

This is my mother.

And she would be more than happy

to discuss all things Fallon

Carrington with you, so what do you say

swap dance partners for a little bit?

I was actually thinking
we could all talk...

We are going to have a great chitchat.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, so...

the clean-up's gone well so far.

Great. Who's getting fired?

A Patty hire named Linda Bergeron.

Lazy and wholly responsible
for the clean-up oversight.

Good. Let's get rid of her.
We'll make her sign an NDA

and then we can forget this
entire thing ever happened.

ALEXIS: You know, you would think
a daughter would tell her mother

when she lost her virginity,
but I had to find out

through the tabloids.

Sushi's ready.

AMANDA: Well,
that sounds like great news to me.

Well, in theory, yes.

But if I mess up, I might as well wash

this shampoo commercial
right out of my life.

- And Charlie, as well.
- Well, I thought

Charlie was excited about
giving you a second chance.

Well, she was. She is.

But as soon as she hears me
try to say "glycine soja extract,"

she's gonna run for the hills,
which is sad,

because I really think
we have potential.

Oh, like, um... [CLEARS THROAT]

like, professional potential?

Or-or... romantic?

Obviously professional, %.

Or maybe, like, / , you know?

Depending on what she's wearing.

She's really cute. My mind wanders.

What's that look for?

Nothing, um, why don't you

just tell Charlie that
you're feeling nervous?

If she supports you, then, uh, you know,

she'll understand. You know, I really

have to get back to
this mock trial prep.

Who are you mocking?

Uh, it's a rehearsal

where we find out what's
working and what's not working

if this malpractice
case ever goes to trial.

That's what I need. [LAUGHS]

I need a mock commercial.

You help me prep, I do

a great job,
and Charlie never has to know

I was struggling. It's a win-win-win.

Not entirely sure what I'm
winning in this situation.

Oh, you get me...
I'll help you with the trial.

Oh, so you're familiar with Section

of the Official Code
of Georgia Annotated?

I will be by tomorrow.

Mrs. Carrington. Welcome.

Joyce Barry, it is such an honor.

Let's see how you feel after I run you

through the wringer
for the next two days.

- I'm looking forward to it.
- [LAUGHS]

Are all these women CEOs?

Yep. But only one of you will leave here

with a year-long on-call
mentorship with yours truly.

Amazing. I have so much to learn.

I just hope I can compete.

Of course you can.
With the right attitude,

nothing can stand in your way.

Okay, I'm here, we can start.

Oh. I was looking for the CEO seminar.

Did you get lost on your way to
the Sloppy Second Wife's Club?

If a woman is strong and assertive,

then she's too abrasive to lead.

And if she's not assertive enough,
she's a pushover

and she gets no respect.

You should be familiar with that.

And to be good managers,

you must learn to work
with different styles.

You will get that chance this weekend.

Tomorrow, you will launch a hot dog

stand in the park,

using a limited budget of $ , .

How is this helpful?

Hawking wieners is a bit beneath me.

Real world application of my teachings

will illuminate your shortcomings.

Then this should be
very helpful for Alexis.

I have split all of you up

into teams of two,
solely based on when you enrolled.

- Oh, n... Anyone but her.
- I... Are you sure about that?

Sorry, ladies. You were the last two.

If you want to deal with
adversity and people

you don't like,
tomorrow will be a great place to start.

This is what you wanted
to talk to me about...

my father looking in my bag?

Well, I mean, it was suspicious.

And when I called him on it,
he froze, no explanation.

Blake, no offense,

but you can be a little intimidating.

Why would I take offense to that?

Point is I'm sure there's
a good explanation.

Sam, what do you even
know about the guy,

huh? He just shows up now?

Where was he when you were
a drug-addict grifter?

No offense.

Why would I take offense to that?

I already did the suspicion
thing with him last week.

He just wants to be my dad.

Get to know me.

Okay, well,
maybe I need to get to know him, too.

We should all go riding tomorrow.

Like... horses?

I'll take that as a yes.

See you tomorrow.

Okay.

[PHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES]

_

What do you think?

Well, this isn't exactly
what I was expecting

when I was summoned up to the bedroom.

How much would you
spend on one of these?

Nothing. I prefer burgers.

And what do hot dogs have to
do with female empowerment?

I knew this seminar was
just a bunch of crap.

Well, Joyce says that leadership skills

are the same whether you're
running a Fortune company

or a hot dog stand.

Well, I guess that almost makes sense.

Problem is that my partner is Alexis.

Alexis?

I thought you said this
was a prestigious program.

How'd she slither her way in?

- Fallon made a call.
- [KNOCKING]

And if you're gonna keep being critical,

I'll just do this somewhere else.

I'm sorry, I'll stop.

What's this?

Your new nighttime regimen.
Just as you requested last week.

The valerian tea helps
soothe your nerves, remember?

Yes.

- I do now. Thank you.
- Of course.

Rita really made herself
at home here, didn't she?

Look, just so you know...

Rita and I were never intimate.

- In case...
- Let's be done talking about Rita, permanently.

Okay.

FALLON: And I want the scissors

to be big.
Like, "bigger than my arm" big.

- Okay, thank, you.
- Don't worry, I won't ask.

I'm gonna tell you anyway.
Janelle loved shadowing me.

And since I was able to find a solution

to a tiny problem,
I was thinking she could be the one

to cut the ribbon as
we reopen Morell Green.

Yeah, well,
the only thing Janelle's cutting

is her ties to the movie.

- She's out.
- What did you do?

Me? I did nothing.
I was a perfect gentlewoman.

What, did she hear

about the toxic waste
spill and the oily egrets?

Oily regrets?

Small chemical spill,
precious marshlands,

adorable birds... not my fault.

I have no idea what you're talking
about, but I guess

a story broke last night

that you fired a project manager

at Morell named Linda

because she wanted to spend
more time with her family.

Are you freaking kidding me? Wow.

That lying snitch...
I bet she doesn't even have a family.

I'm guessing the truth has something

to do with the toxic waste?

Yes, it does, but I couldn't

tell Janelle the truth because I wanted

to protect the movie.

I'm sorry, Liam.

Oh, it's fine. Uh,

but we should go.
We got a long day ahead of us

scraping the bottom of the
barrel to find a replacement.

MICHAEL: You know if you don't

fix this,
there probably won't be a movie.

Well, I do now.

Do you always drink before a day's work?

Bubbles soothe my stomach.

Which is I what need,
because Cristal's plan

for our project today is making me ill.

Hey, go easy on her, okay?
She's been through a lot.

Oh, did she lose one of
Blake's apology necklaces?

No, I'm talking about her being

kidnapped by her brother while
someone else impersonates her

for a few weeks without anyone noticing.

But, sure,
maybe it's what you said, too.

Are you serious?

Oh, I couldn't make that up if I tried.

That is just the thing I need to know

before a day of emotional warfare.

That's exactly the opposite
reason why I told you.

Yeah, I thought you were trying

to become a better and nicer

- manager?
- Bullying your partner

seems off-base.

Cristal is not my partner.

Except she is.

Maybe approach it as if she
were an Alexam employee,

and try to work on your patience.

My employee?

As if I would ever
hire that two-faced...

Not like that, right.

Okay. [CLEARS THROAT] I will try.

But I'm not following
her stupid business plan.

You don't have to.

Just be professional and respectful.

They should sell tickets to this.

BLAKE: Well, that was wonderful.

It has been a while since
I've been on a horse.

Daniel, you really have
a way with Allegra.

Oh, thanks. We've spent a lot of time

together prepping for
the big race next week.

Hey, Sam.

Why don't you go get that
Scotch out of the tack room?

It's not every day that I
get to bond with your father.

Sounds great.

Well, that's, uh, very generous of you.

You're not getting a sip of that Scotch.

You're not getting a taste
of Sam's money, either,

which we both know is
the reason you're here.

- Excuse me?
- I did some digging. You're broke.

A success like Sam...

that's an appetizing meal ticket,
isn't it?

You know nothing about me.

Look, I'm just trying to protect Sam.

And I can help you, too, if you let me.

That's five more zeroes
than your current balance.

Just take it, be grateful.

And be on your way.

[SCOFFS QUIETLY]

I'm grateful Sam's managed to...

be a good person

despite living with a man like you.

- No thanks.
- Don't lay your hands on me.

Don't make assumptions about
my intentions with my son.

Hey, what the hell's going on here?

A man should be able to defend
himself on his own property,

- shouldn't he?
- So Daniel just att*cked you

- for no reason?
- No, he had a reason. He knows I'm onto him.

You should've seen his face

when I caught him snooping
around your bedroom.

I wasn't snooping. And what I was
doing is none of your business.

Oh, so you admit
you were doing something?

No. I mean, yes,
but it's not what you think.

What was it then?
Because right now I am wondering.

Just admit it...
you're hiding something.

Are you?

Well, the truth is,
I was trying to hide something.

A picture of me and your mother

from when we were young.

I thought it would be a nice
surprise for you to find,

but... now I see
I shouldn't have bothered.

Dad, I'm-I'm so sorry.

Would you quit calling this con man dad?

He's right.

At least until you actually trust me.

Yeah, great detective work, Blake.

Where was that keen eye when a
stranger was sleeping in your bed, huh?

FALLON: It's so beautiful

I could almost cry.

Our stock price is holding steady.
No leaks about the leak.

There's just one thing
we should talk about.

Oh, please don't tell me the
egrets have spoken to the press.

The cleanup crew told me

that the spill didn't look accidental.

There might've been foul play.

I hope that's just a bad bird pun.

Yeah, it's not.
Something shady definitely went down.

The initial report cited

slick roads as the
cause of the accident,

but there was hardly any precipitation.

Don't worry,
I'll get to the bottom of it.

Thank you, because now

I'm off to meet little miss movie star.

- Again?
- Yep.

["WORKIN' FOR A LIVIN'"
BY HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS PLAYING]

Achieve that natural...
glow that you've always wanted.

Did you just hurt your
neck flipping your hair?

Yeah, it really hurt.

This time, less violently.

Um...

sexier?

More serious.

- Okay, y-you're angry.
- [ROARS]

Oh, um, okay, let's drop

the animal and go, like, goofy.

[LAUGHING]

Friendly and wholesome.

Made with organic glycine soju extract.

- Soja, soja... It's not, like, a Korean liquor.
- Soja?

- Yeah.
- Okay. I'll try again.

- Made with orga...
- Oh, careful!

[GASPS]

[PANTING]

If I'm so nervous to do
this in front of you,

how am I gonna to do
this in front of cameras

and a crew and Charlie?

It's normal to be nervous, okay?
When I'm in court,

I'm like Xena the Warrior outside.

You know? On the inside, my stomach

probably looks like a carnival on fire.

But you're so confident.

It's acting. Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

No one wants their hair to
be dry and frizzy and lacking

in sheen, do they?
Well, neither does my client.

There is a reason that every bottle

has glycine soja extract in it.

In fact, actually,
the only thing my client

is guilty of is making your hair

look more amazing than
it ever has before.

If that's a crime...

lock me up.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

[CHUCKLES]

- Wow.
- You can do this.

Yeah, I just need to convince the judge

and jury to buy shampoo.

And if all else fails, just think about

the delicious meal you'll
reward yourself with after.

Now, that I can do.

I can already taste the chicken parm

- I'm gonna eat.
- Not until you're done.

Oh.

Thank you so much for helping me.

FALLON: Please,

don't punish Liam for whatever
issues you have with me.

It's not about punishment or Liam.

It's about ethical depiction,

which is very important
to me as an artist.

On Beach Doctor,

I learned how to do a tracheotomy.

I could totally tell.

And you can depict me however you want.

I can't. Liam's version of you

is written through rose-colored
glasses and it always will be.

And this reaction of yours...

this is all because of
Linda getting fired?

She didn't get fired. You fired her.

For wanting to spend
time with her family.

Fallon, and by default,

Farrah are not good people.

And Farrah needs to be as likable

- as the actress playing her.
- Well, I can't

I can't give you the specifics,
for very specific reasons,

but you have to trust me,
Linda's f*ring was justified.

Oh, I'm sure you can justify it
in your head however you want,

but why should I trust you?

What, you're gonna believe
some trashy gossip site?

I mean, Janelle,
you know better than anyone

not to believe everything you read.

Did Tom Cruise really
bring that lion to set

just so you could feed
it a vanilla milkshake?

That was just a ridiculous rumor.

Okay, you see, there you go.

I hate it when I read
things about people

that aren't true. You can tell
me all the real stories later.

There is no later.

I have plenty of other
offers on the table,

and I'd rather take one of those.

I like to be the only
selfish one on set.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Just give me a chance
to show you who I am.

I can't let Liam down.

Please?

Forget all of this. I have a new plan.

As usual, you're not making any sense.

Did you not look at the specs I sent?

I did. Hence, the new plan.

We need to make a splash.

You weren't even making a ripple.

So I spent the entire budget

on something that will
actually get us noticed.

We can't afford all
that with our budget.

I think the budget is
more of a suggestion.

Joyce will appreciate

our aggressiveness,
and the truth is it's my fault.

I never should've had a
beta do an alpha's job.

So I'm sorry.

In case you missed it,
that's me being a bigger person.

Now, get changed.

BLAKE: Is that lemon and cayenne...

People still doing that?

Yes, I'm cleansing.

Trying to get rid of all the
negativity surrounding me.

All right, listen, it goes without
saying that I owe you an apology.

No, it deserves to be said.

And I'm not sure I accept it.

Just because Rita fooled you

doesn't mean you can go
and take it out on Daniel.

Well, that's not actually the
reason I reacted the way I did.

Seeing the two of you together,
I was jeal...

Jell-O?

Gel-caps?

I was jealous.

Why?

Well, because I've...

come to think of myself as your father.

You know, it's a title I'm proud of.

And it hurts to...

know I could lose it that easily.

So...

- Here.
- What is that?

That's just a little apology.

Well, you, uh...

certainly know the way to my heart.

And my wrist.

[CHUCKLES]

I forgive you.

And you will always be a father to me,

no matter how many

biological daddies come
out of the woodwork.

Well, hearing you say that's a relief.

Okay, this, uh, touchy-feely stuff

gives me the willies,
so I'm gonna go apologize

to Daniel and get that out of the way.

Uh, actually, if it's okay with you,

I'd like to bring him
dinner after he's done

training Allegra and
apologize to him first.

You're not the only one
who questioned his motives.

I told you no one would
buy a hot dog for $ .

Oh, I want to say that your attitude

isn't helping,
but I am practicing kindness.

However, if I wasn't,
I would tell you that you're lifeless

and uninspired,
and that working with you

is basically like working alone.

Hello, ladies.

Seems as though business is slow.

I think the weather is
keeping people away.

Oh, you mean clear skies
and perfect temperature?

I had nothing to do with this insanity.

She won't even listen to me.

If you can't be heard or seen,

it's because you're not
making your presence felt.

And the only person
that can control that

is you.

Don't blame Alexis.

What a wise woman.

Hey, where are you going
with that wiener?

I mean, I guess
it could've been my fault.

I'm not really sure.

Patty never had us do
any real work like that.

You know, she was a really good boss.

Okay, Linda.

Well, you're probably
wondering why you're here.

Yeah, that is a good question. [LAUGHS]

Since I am a kind-hearted person...

I'd like to...

offer you your job back.

I was wrong to fire you.

You seem like a really, uh...

I mean, you seem like a...

Well, you get the point.

Listen, I'm sorry

I had to play hardball in the press

like that, but I'm glad it
allowed you to see my value.

Now should we talk numbers?

Because I think I deserve

a pay increase for the
pain and suffering.

You want to negotiate a higher salary?

It hasn't even been hours.

Yeah, sure, what were you,
uh, what were you thinking?

% raise and a five-year contract.

If things don't work out,
I want protections.

For my family.

Uh...

Okay, you win.

- Welcome back.
- Great.

Hold on, you brought me here to
watch you re-hire this woman?

You were upset that I fired her.

And so I hired her back.
What do you want from me, lady?

I wanted to see the real Fallon.

Which, now, I have.

All right, you know what, that's it.

I give up.

No, I...

I meant that as a good thing.

You were willing to sacrifice

something for the husband you love

- and re-hire this incompetent woman.
- Hey.

Oh, please.

I'll accept the part, with one caveat.

You let me re-fire Linda as you,
in character.

Yeah, sure, fine, go for it.

Linda, you're done here.

You have minutes to pack
up your sad little office

or I'll do it for you.

And when I say I'll do it,
I'll toss it in the garbage.

I would've given her ten, but...

- Wait, is this for real?
- BOTH: Get out.

CHARLIE: How you feeling?

Prepared, confident,

and incredibly hungry.

- How do I look?
- Gorgeous.

And my hair... can it sell shampoo?

I'd buy an entire crate of it.

You really are something, Kirby.

I'm glad we met.

If this goes well, do you want to...

get a drink later or maybe see a movie?

Kirby, I'm so sorry if I gave
you the wrong impression,

but I don't date my clients.

Oh.

Right, of course not.

'Cause that would be crazy.

It's just a rule I have.

- Mm-hmm.
- I hope you understand.

- Oh, yeah.
- Anyway, I don't want to distract you,

- so I'll go watch from the monitor.
- Okay.

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

Ooh.

High five. [CHUCKLES]

Are you ready to break a leg?

Yes, actually, both of them.

As soon as I jump out
the nearest window.

- What happened?
- Apparently I'm as bad at reading

body language as I am performing it.

Because I just asked out my
agent and she rejected me.

Which makes sense. We have to go.
I-I can't do this.

Wait, no, no, no, sorry, wait, one thing

has nothing to do with the other, okay?

You just need to turn down
the self-doubt, drama mama.

You just got to convince
a jury to buy shampoo.

Think about the chicken
parm if all else fails.

Hey. You got this.

You look, um...

gorgeous.

Charlie said the same thing.

But don't worry,
I won't ask you out as well. [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

High-class hot dog? It's golden.

Just taste it.

Fine, keep jogging.

I'm sure you're late
for a Jazzercise class.

Where have you been?
We need to be selling hot dogs.

We are.

I used the fire-starter
technique Joyce taught us.

I met a nice man named Ron who
works at a law firm close by.

I sacrificed a sale for good exposure.

You gave him a free hot dog?

Yes, and he happened to love

your Wagyu beef thing,
golden flakes and all.

He told his colleagues,
who are now all on their way here.

It's about time you
made yourself useful.

[PHONE CHIMES]

What is it?

It's a text from Ron.

They're not coming.

What? Why not?

All it says is "Violently ill.

No one is coming. What did you feed me?"

Of course you gave the hot dog

to a lawyer with a weak stomach.
We are so getting sued.

Did you even check to see if
these golden flakes are edible?

Do I have to do everything?

Seriously?

That's it, I can't do this anymore.

Well neither can I.

You make it impossible to be nice.

You're a waste of space.
You might as well not be here.

No wonder your husband didn't
even notice you were gone.

[GASPS]

[GRUNTS]

Why couldn't you stay
home and be a doormat?

It's your only skill.

Oh, yeah? Would a doormat...

...do this?

JOYCE: Put the condiments down!

- You're both out of the program.
- That's fine.

I think I got what I needed.

[ALEXIS GASPS]

I'm just trying to be seen and heard.

- Mind if I join you?
- Sure.

How did I do today? Be honest.

The client could not be happier,

and I could not be more impressed.

Seriously? I thought for sure

that I blew it and that
they were already

calling Sasha to replace me.

No way.
You've got a career as a slasher.

- Huh?
- Actor-slash-model.

Oh! [LAUGHS]

What are you gonna do to celebrate?

I am gonna get some chicken parm.

Okay, that's very specific.

But it sounds tasty. Can I come with?

Sure.

Just a, uh, platonic

hearty Italian dinner. [LAUGHS]

I'm really sorry for
asking you out before.

I guess I just wasn't thinking,

which is kind of a problem for me.

I kind of act before I think and then...

Kind of like that?

Either you really

like breaded chicken cutlets,
or I'm confused.

I thought you had a policy
against dating clients.

But does that not include
spontaneous kissing?

I've been interested in
you from the moment we met.

But I've had disasters in the past.

Models can be delicate and insecure.

But the way you k*lled it today

made me realize you have
got plenty of confidence.

I did? I do?

Oh, yeah. It was pretty hot.

Well, you know, I try.

God willing, that's the last time

I will be at a park for... ever.

I'm sensing ELLE was a bust.

I tried to be professional with Cristal.

But it just didn't stick.

And she squirted ketchup
all over my fabulous gown.

Maybe I just don't do partnerships.

Friendly reminder

that you already have a partner.

Adam? Well, that's different.

I basically own him.

Touching.

So you got nothing at all from this?

Not nothing.

I learned that I can't change who I am.

Not even for world-renowned

Joyce Barry. I'm bad-tempered,

I don't sugarcoat things,

and I am not the nicest
manager when I'm stressed.

And...

I feel that me being

a bitch at times is a problem for you.

Which may be a problem for us.

What? Alexis, no.

I mean...

maybe if I were working
for you it would be.

Then why were you pushing
for me to change so much?

It just seems like you were trying

a backdoor approach to
changing my personality.

Not at all.

I love your personality.

I just want you to have
everything you want.

And it seemed like a good way
to assure Alexam's success.

But...

with regard to your
private personality...

don't change

a thing.

I think you're the perfect

amount of bitch.

[LAUGHS]

How do you always know
the right thing to say?

Hello, handsome.

Well...

I'm guessing the ELLE conference
was a rousing success?

More like a total disaster.

Aw. I know you were pinning
a lot on Joyce, but...

Turns out I didn't need Joyce.

What I do need is to talk about Rita.

Me and Rita, not you and Rita.

I know I said I didn't,
but I haven't been honest

about how it made me feel about myself.

The Flores board had me worried.

How could I possibly be a powerful CEO

when I couldn't even
make a mark on my family?

Oh, honey, of course you've
made a mark on this family.

I know that now.

But I allowed Rita to
make me doubt myself.

- Until today.
- So it was a success.

In a different way.

During a ridiculous fight with Alexis,

I remembered.

I'm Cristal Carrington.

And there's only one of me.

I am liking this energy.

Then you would've loved hearing me

call the board to push
through my expansion plan.

Which I can do.

- As CEO.
- Hmm.

One more thing.

I don't think PPA and
Flores should work together.

Yeah, I know that.
You've made that very clear.

This is a proposal

to merge PPA and Flores into one entity.

It's a natural fit for both companies.

You know, it's a big decision.

I know.

I've crunched every
number there is to crunch.

But you can sleep on it.

Well, I don't need to sleep on it.

Something tells me

we're not sleeping very much tonight.

- Let's merge.
- Hmm.

Don't mind if I do.

JEFF: Good news is

Morell is now squeaky clean,

super green,
and the spill site is spotless.

But...

But I was right about the accident.

It was intentional.

And you're not gonna be
happy when you find out who

- gave Linda her instructions.
- Oh, no.

Was it... Liam?

Okay, it's not that bad.

It was Kelly, your VP,

who is supposedly home sick.

I hired a P.I. to tail
Linda after she was fired.

Followed her right to
a meeting with Kelly.

Why would she do that to me?

I have no idea.

But you should probably find
out sooner rather than later.

Well, thank you for all of
your hard work on this, Jeff.

Cousin power.

- Cousin power, yeah.
- Yeah.

Didn't know that was a thing,
but I like it.

[LAUGHS]

How did you get Janelle back?

Well, I could tell you the details,

but it's probably best that I don't.

You know what, you are probably right.

But thank you.

I know that I've been playing it cool,
but this project

means way more to me than I let on.

I know it does.

And you don't need to be afraid

to admit stuff like that to me.

Okay? I am here for you,

%, whatever you set your sights on.

Well, right now,
my sights are set on going home

and getting back to some baby-making.

Ah, sounds like the perfect
distraction from work.

Hmm, maybe that could be
the title of my next book:

The Perfect Distraction.

[LAUGHS]

[DANIEL GRUNTS, INHALES DEEPLY]

[EXHALES]