09x04 - Rest in Peace, Mrs. Columbo

[bunniefuu]

I am the Resurrection and the life.

The man who believes in me
will live, even if he dies.

And every living person who puts faith
in me will never suffer eternal death.

Lord, you wept at the death
of Lazarus, your friend.

Comfort us in our sorrow.

We ask this in faith.

Lord, hear our prayer.

You raise the dead to life.

Give our sister eternal life.
We ask this in faith.

Lord, hear our prayer.

Bring our sister to the joys of heaven.

Lord, hear our prayer.

Our sister was washed clean in baptism
and anointed with the oil of salvation.

Give her fellowship with all your saints.

Why don't you cry? Damn it. I cried.

Oh, yes, Lieutenant, I could
give you lessons on that.

Don't you understand?

Hasn't it hit you yet?
Your precious wife is gone for good.

Dead and gone.

And, oh, how I've waited
and prayed for this moment.

Don't worry, my dear friend.
You'll be joining her soon enough,

but not until you've felt
the pain, the way I did.

I'm entitled to that much.
You don't know what happened, do you?

But you'll know soon enough
because I'm going to tell you...

when it's too late for you
to do anything about it.

You're stupid, Columbo,
just like Charlie was.

Poor Charlton, he never saw it coming.

I realize the
master suite isn't too big.

But the builder says the wall
to the adjoining guest room...

could be knocked down
and the rooms combined.

Not too big?

Ma'am, back in Virginia, we had a stable
smaller than that bathroom.

George, you make it sound
like we lived in a shack.

I'm beginning to think we did.

Don't misunderstand, Mrs. Dimitri.
Oh, the house is gorgeous...

Isn't it? I knew you'd love it,
even if it's a hair above your limit.

You've got that right, little lady.
Look, ma'am, back in Warrenton,

we had ourselves a real fine
place on 50 prime acres.

Sold it for 1.1 million.

Now, I come out here, and you show me
this house for 6 million.

Look, Mr. Thornwood,
I'm gonna be honest with you.

There are a couple of properties
I could have shown you...

that go for as little as, say,
3.5, 4 million.

But you wouldn't have been happy with
either the house or the neighborhood.

Try me.

George, don't be such a bore.
It took you nine years...

to get out of that dreadful city
and we are not going back.

Good afternoon.
Charlton Chambers Real Estate.

Hi, Dede, is he there?

Oh, hi, Mrs. Dimitri.
He's got Abe with him.

Put me through. I'm gonna make his day.

Oh, I hope so.

He just finished spending
an hour with Mr. Connolly...

and his lawyer. Hang on.

Hi, babe, what's up?

My income, last time I looked.

I just unloaded the Smith place
to a couple of tourists from back East.

That white elephant?
What did you get? 4.5? 5?

5.7, in writing,
with a binder for $250,000.

Vivian, I knew the day I hired you,
you were a born thief.

Well, I learned from the master.
Look, Charlie,

there's some contingencies in this
deal that I need to discuss with you,

but I am wiped out right now.

Suppose we get together
this evening and go over them,

say, 7:30 at the office?

7:30? It's Friday night, babe.
Everybody's out of here by 6:00.

Besides, there's a game
at the sports arena.

Look, I've been running on adrenaline
fumes since Tuesday afternoon.

I need a nap and a bath
before my wheels come off.

Sure, Vivian, whatever you say. 7:30.

Incidentally, what's
new at Falcon Ridge?

Been served with
any subpoenas lately?

You got a very macabre
sense of humor, you know that?

Dede says that Mitchell Connolly burst
into the office again.

This time with a lawyer?

Don't worry about Connolly
and those other crybabies.

They'll fade away, they always do.
Especially that ape, Connolly.

See you tonight, kid.

Bye, Charlie.

Yes, Frances?

It's your real estate woman
on the phone, Mr. St. John.

Oh, thanks, I'll take it.

Vivian, I was just thinking about you.

I've been thinking
about you all day long.

Am I gonna see you tonight?

Of course.

Oh, I was afraid your wife
might have changed her mind...

about her trip to Sacramento.

Elizabeth is pathologically
dedicated to the...

plight of the condor. Why, I don't know.
Damn bird's nothing but an overgrown vulture.

It deserves to be extinct.

Well, I have a few things
to attend to, you know, in the office.

Suppose we make it 8:30.

Excellent.

I've discovered this wonderful
little Italian restaurant in Venice.

Not in the mood. We agreed
on the Penthouse Cafe.

Besides, I'm feeling
sentimental. Humor me, Leland.

Oh, if only you weren't
so damned persuasive.

Good!

So we'll meet at 8:30, and over the
vichyssoise, we can discuss real estate.

Of course, darling. Until then.

Real estate.

Police headquarters.
Homicide Division.

Lieutenant Columbo, please.

I'm sorry, he's not in right now.

Is he still on his vacation?
This is his dentist's office.

I understood he would be back today.

Well, he's back, but he doesn't
report in until tomorrow morning.

I see. Early tomorrow morning?

Probably around 8:00. I'm sure
you can get him at home.

No, that's okay.
I'll call back tomorrow. Thank you.

Watch the lane, you dummy!

Oh, beautiful!
Give him a free sh*t.

Oh! Why don't we
give him two free sh*ts?

Losing another one, Charlie?

Matter of fact, I'm up by 7.00
I just like the aggravation.

Anyway, with these guys,
7 points is nothing.

How about a drink?

Sure. Rum and Coke,
for old time's sake.

Oh, you look pretty sharp,
Viv. You got a date?

It's Friday night, Charlie.

Mind if I turn that thing off?
I like to hear myself think.

Sure, go ahead.

– Rum and Coke, huh?
– Mmm-hmm.

I haven't seen you drink one of
these things since 10 years ago...

when you and Pete, and me and Rita
were hitting some of the high spots.

Some that weren't so high, right, Viv?

I remember some of those dives you used
to love to hang out in.

Is that why Rita
finally gave up on you?

She couldn't stand the atmosphere?

Or maybe she just got tired of
her husband hitting on her best friend.

She never knew about that, swear to God.
Unless you told her.

Me? What for?

Well, maybe if I'd thought
you were a problem...

but I never took you
that seriously, Charlton.

You were all talk then. Like now.

Nothing changes.

What are you doing, Viv?
Biting the hand that feeds you?

I don't deserve that cr*ck.

I'm sorry, I forgot.
You're the guy...

who rescued me from the rubber room,
brought me back to L.A.,

put me in a nice house, gave me a job.

Now that you mention it.

Ten years, a lot of water under the bridge.

Rita walks out on you,

Pete leaves me... I mean,
not like he had a choice.

When the state slaps you
with 10 to 20 for manslaughter,

tosses you in San Quentin,
you don't have a lot of options.

Now, don't t*rture yourself, Viv. Those...
That part of your life is done with. Forget it.

Pete...

What a trip, right, Charlie?

The stock market went sour.

He couldn't pull back. No, not Pete.
He had to dip into his client's account.

Because of me, he said.

He promised me nothing but the best
and he wouldn't settle for less.

Too bad his head wasn't
as big as his heart.

You know something,
he might have gotten away with it.

You remember how later that year
the market snapped back?

He could have replaced his client's money,

but he never got the chance.

Somebody called his boss,
and told him what he was doing.

Yeah, somebody in his office.
Mmm-hmm.

Yeah. That's right, Charlie.

Isn't that what we figured?

Somebody from his office?

He didn't know that when he k*lled
that client, you know,

you remember the guy who was
threatening to go to the cops?

Oh! He never should've
k*lled that guy, Vivian.

He shouldn't have done a lot of things.
We all shouldn't have done a lot of things.

Pete did a lot of
stupid things, Charlie.

But I loved him,

and he loved me and what
he did, he did for me.

Eight years he was locked up.

One or two more years and he
would have been out of there.

That prison k*lled him.

He had a heart att*ck. I mean...

You know the way he ate,
he never exercised...

He was k*lled by the prison, Charlie.
And the people who put him there.

That police lieutenant,

you know the one, who
hounded him and hounded him...

Why don't we talk about this tomorrow?

And the man who informed...

That's where it all started,
you know. With him.

I mean, you do know, don't you, Charlie?

Of course you do.

Because you're the one
who made the phone call.

Who told you that?

You knew what he was
up against financially.

He even came to you and asked
for help and you turned him down.

That was bad enough,

but then you had to
go and make the lousy phone call,

all because you wanted to
get in the sack with his wife,

and you figured you might
have a better chance...

if he was sent off to prison.

You... You are nuts!

Look, you been, you've been
hitting the sauce, right?

You go home and sleep it off,
and tomorrow we can...

No, Charlie. You do nothing tomorrow.

Are you crazy? Put that g*n away.

Do you know how long
I've known about this?

Ten years.

I didn't do anything because
all I wanted was Pete out of there.

So I kept quiet.

No mess, no waves.

And after he d*ed,

it took me a year to snap back.

But now, Charlie, there's nothing
left to keep you alive.

Vivian, I swear it wasn't me.

First you, then the cop.

See you in hell, Charlie.

Darling, I am sorry I'm late.

Charlie and I got wrestling
over a very difficult sale and...

I lost track of time. How late am I?

8:40. Only 10 minutes late.
For you, that's a record.

The usual, madam? Scotch
on the rocks with a twist?

No, Carlos, I think
I'll have a rum and Coke.

– You've gotta be kidding.
– Oh, very good.

Call me quirky, but I'm
celebrating a very big sale.

Leland, you are a lovely man and
that is a very generous offer,

but no, thanks.

You don't need Chambers. What for?

I'll supply the investment capital
and you'll supply the expertise.

What will your wife think about that?

What should she think?
What we do is our business,

on every level.

No, I couldn't do that to Charlie.

He put me back on my feet
when I needed it the most.

I owe him too much.

Oh yeah, what is it you owe him?

I mean, you hint around a lot.
Am I missing something?

Nothing that really concerns you.

You know, we've known each other,
what, about six months,

ever since you sold
Elizabeth and me the house, but...

it occurs to me that I don't know
the first thing about you.

Which is exactly how I intend to keep it.

Now, be a dear and order me
a black coffee and some brandy...

while I powder my nose.

– Waiter?
– Yes, sir?

Mmm. I was beginning
to worry about you.

Sorry, I got to chatting
with this woman...

who almost listed her house
with me seven months ago,

and here it is, seven months later,
and it's still not sold.

So, what's on the agenda?

Well, we could go back to my place.

I've got this new tape of
Sinatra oldies.

Not your place, not your bed, Leland.
You know how I feel about that.

Well, as a back-up, I did
reserve this rather nice room...

at a motor inn in the Palisades.

I'll follow you.

What time is it?

Almost 2:00.

– Wonderful.
– Hmm?

Well, where are you going?

Home.

– Home?
– Mmm-hmm.

The night is young yet, darling.

Wrong, Leland.

Besides, I need my sleep.

And I'd really prefer not to be seen
leaving here in the cold light of dawn.

It was lovely as always, darling.

and are buried with Him
in the hope of rising again.

Look at that poor guy. Like a zombie.

How come things like this
happen to nice people?

His wife must have been nice, too,
the way he was always talking about her.

I can't believe he's a cop.

The first time I saw him,
I thought he was a...

I don't know,
I wasn't sure what he was.

That was last Saturday morning,

after I found Charlton's body.

You sure you're all right, ma'am?

I'm fine, really.
Thank you, Sergeant.

Well, you just sit tight, okay?

The lieutenant's gonna wanna ask you
some more questions.

Right.

Well, what do you know about that?

You got something, Lieutenant?

This guy, Chambers,
he must know everybody.

You know who this is? Grace Kelly.

This guy, Chambers, put
his arm around Grace Kelly.

That's not Grace Kelly.
That's Kim Novak.

– You sure?
– Sure, I'm sure.

Well, having your arm around
Kim Novak, that's not bad either.

Listen, Kellerman, did you happen to
notice that check on the desk there?

Yeah, I know. I saw that.

$250,000, and it said "deposit."

Did I read that wrong?

No, you read that right.

When I bought my house, you could
buy the whole block for $250,000.

The whole block.

The world's going to hell with itself,
you know that, don't you?

I know that, Lieutenant.

Lieutenant, I found the guy's topcoat
in the closet out there.

Did you find anything
in the pockets?

No, sir. I mean, not much. A pack of
gum, nine cents, an old Kleenex,

and this scrap of paper with a
bunch of initials and numbers on it.

"KP-2-600, CL-, plus 6, 800..."

What do you think? Some kind of
combination or something?

I don't know what it is.

Lieutenant, he's all yours.

Thank you, Bernie.
Hold onto this, Sergeant.

I'll look it over later
when I got some more time.

All right.

– Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
– I work here.

It's all right, Sergeant.

Dede, what happened?

A policeman outside
told me Charlie is dead.

– Somebody k*lled him.
– What?

– Last night sometime.
– Why? How?

What, did somebody break in here?
What, was it robbery?

I don't know anything, Mrs. Dimitri.

I just found him, that's all.

Oh, God!

Oh...

Oh, Dede...

Oh, my God, Dede, I should never have
left him here by himself. Oh...

Uh, Ms. Perkins,
may I see you a minute?

Yeah.

When you came in the office here
this morning, ma'am,

did you touch anything?

No, sir.

It's just that all these drawers were
shut tight except this one.

Could you tell me
if something was missing?

Well, I really couldn't say, Lieutenant,
until I crosscheck with my own files.

Would you do that for me, ma'am?

Certainly.
Do you think it was robbery?

I don't know, ma'am.

I mean, it wasn't your normal robbery,
if that's what you're talking about.

The man had his watch,
his ring, and over $200 in his wallet.

Uh...

Oh... Oh. I'm sorry, ma'am.

I wasn't thinking.
I'll just cover him up.

Well, the coroner
should be here any minute.

Thank you.

I know that this
is difficult for you, um...

Do you know if he had
any appointments last night,

if he was expecting someone
is what I mean...

I may be the last person
who saw him alive, Officer.

Ma'am?

Mr. Chambers and I had a meeting here
at 7:30 last night...

to go over the terms of an offer
on a house that we represent.

Oh, then you're...

Mrs. Dimitri? The salesperson?

Vivian Dimitri, yes.

Lieutenant, if you don't mind,
I'd just as soon wait outside.

Oh, certainly, ma'am.
Yes. Go right ahead.

That's Lieutenant...

Lieutenant Columbo,
yes, ma'am, Homicide.

This is some house.

5.7 million?
Is that what that says?

That's right.

What kind of a house sells
for 5.7 million?

Must have a lot of bedrooms.

Yes. Eight, I think.

What is it, some kind of mansion?

Well, not exactly.

It needs a little work,
but it's in the right neighborhood.

Needs work? You mean it's a fixer?

Well, I wouldn't go that far.
About last night...

Oh, excuse me, ma'am...

Officer,

do we have some kind of paper
around here, this morning's paper?

Well, I don't know, sir.
I haven't seen one.

– Well, see if you can find one.
– Which paper do you want, sir?

Any paper. Whatever you can find.

Uh... What was I saying?
Where were we?

– About last night...
– Oh, right. Last night.

Was anybody else here with you, ma'am?

Besides Charlie? No, we were alone.

Friday night. Fridays we close at 6:00.

Except last night, you came back
to go over these papers.

For a commission like this,
I'd come back at midnight...

and stay till Halloween.

And how long did you stay,
Mrs., um...

Dimitri.

Uh, Mrs. Dimitri.

Forty-five minutes.
And I assure you, Lieutenant,

when I left, Mr. Chambers
was alive and well.

So you left around 8:15.

I guess so,
give or take five minutes.

And when you left,
Mr. Chambers was still here working?

Yes.

And when you left, ma'am,

did you lock up?

No. I assumed Charlie would do that
when he left. Why?

Well, somebody came in
after you left, ma'am.

And if the door was locked,
Mr. Chambers...

would have had to have gone
to the door to let them in.

But if it was already open,
anybody could have walked in and surprised him.

Oh. I see. Of course.

Would you mind telling me,
ma'am, after you left,

where did you go?

Why? Is that important?

Well, probably not, but
I'd like to keep things neat.

I told you, Lieutenant,

he was alive when I left. I mean,
where I went is really immaterial.

Possibly so, ma'am.

I went home, Lieutenant.
To a cold supper, a hot tub and bed.

I see.

And would your husband
be able to verify that, ma'am?

I'm a widow. I live alone.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize...

When you said "Mrs.," I just assumed...

Okay, well, never mind about that.

So you went home and you went to bed,

and you stayed home
the rest of the night, is that right?

That's right. Lieutenant,

why are you asking me all these
questions about my whereabouts?

Do you think I k*lled him?

Oh, no, ma'am, no, no,
no, nothing like that. It's just that...

You see, we found his wallet
and it had over $200 in it.

$10, $20 bills and this receipt from
one of those a*t*matic tellers.

You see, this is it, here.

You see the date, that's last night,
and the time he withdrew the cash,

9:45. Very strange.

Oh, no, not if you knew Charlie.

He hated walking around
without cash in his pockets.

He grew up poor.

He used to tell me that
money made him feel secure.

So he left the office,

withdrew some cash,

then he came back to the office,
and then somebody came in.

Hmm. Yeah.

Lieutenant?

Oh, what do you say, fellas?

Whenever you're through with him.

I'm all done. You can take him.
We'll get out of your hair.

Why don't we go out there?

– Poor kid, I feel sorry for her.
– Yeah.

She and Charlie were really close.
He was like a kind of uncle to her.

Well, it's too bad she had to find him
like that, ma'am, instead of you.

Oh, she happened to mention
that you usually come in early...

on Saturday to get organized,
set up appointments, 7:00, 7:30.

Well, I usually do. But...

yesterday was a very tough day,
I just overslept.

I was so tired I even
forgot to set my alarm.

Oh, perfectly understandable, ma'am.

I'm just gonna look around a little bit more.
It was very nice meeting you.

Oh, excuse me.

Lieutenant, here's your newspaper.

Oh.

Yeah, okay...

Okay. Yeah. The paper?

The paper?

The little sheet of paper,
the scrap of paper.

Yes, sir.

Here.

Okay. "8, A..."

"8, A..." Uh-huh.

"A, M..."

Uh-huh. Hmm.

You got something, sir?

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I got something.

– Excuse me.
– Can I help you, Mac?

I certainly hope so.

This man...

Have you ever seen him before?

Sorry, I can't say that I have.

I think it would help, sir,
if you looked at the picture.

I don't need to look at it.
We get a lot of people in here...

and I got a lousy memory.

– Morning, Claude.
– Morning, Cleo.

Yes, I can see that
you get a lot of transients.

Lieutenant Columbo, from the police.

We gave at the office.

Come again?

Mr. Schneider, the owner,

he acknowledged that
everything's been taken care of.

Been taken care of, Lieutenant.

Oh, you mean...
No, I didn't come about that.

Oh, come on,
when are you guys gonna quit?

People come here for a good time, okay?
You got something against a good time?

Or maybe you're looking for
a little something on the side.

You wanna get fixed up, is that it?

You guys are something else.

That guy, what's that guy's name?

You mean Joe?

Say, Lieutenant,

whatever you wanna do about Joe,
I couldn't care less.

The guy's a swift pain in the butt.
He's always tying up my phone.

If you ask me, he gives
this place a bad name.

Right. Thank you very much.

Excuse me. Joe?

Yeah, I'm Joe. Who are you?

I'm a friend of Charlton's.
Charlton Chambers, the real estate man.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure, sure.
What can I do for you?

You wanna get something down?

Me? No, thanks. I never bet.

Maybe once a month, the lottery.

If you don't bet, what
do you want to see me for?

I wanna ask you a few questions.

Questions?

What did you say your name was?

Columbo. Lieutenant Columbo.

And I wanna talk to you about this.

Oh, Lieutenant. Good morning.

Good morning.
It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

It's gorgeous.
I was just doing some gardening.

Is there something I can help you with?

Oh, nothing important. Just a few questions.
Go right ahead. I'll just tag along.

Are you sure? I... This can wait.

No, I love flowers. So does my wife.
She's crazy about 'em.

Does she have a garden?

Well, you couldn't
actually call it that.

Nothing like this.
More like a flower bed.

Actually, if you wanna know the truth,
she's got a dead thumb.

A what?

A dead thumb. That's like a green thumb,
only the other way around.

– Everything she plants, dies.
– Oh, dear.

So what happens is, she goes out
and buys a lot of flowers.

Hey, that's okay.

Some women like furs and jewels,
my wife likes flowers.

Well, she sounds like a very nice woman.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

How long you been married?

Uh, let's see, 28 years
next January. Or is it 29?

I know it's not 30.
That one I'd remember.

And I'm sure you love her very much.

Oh, that I do, ma'am. That I do.

I wouldn't know
what to do without her.

So, Lieutenant,
you said you had questions.

Would they have anything to do
with that other policeman...

who was canvassing the neighborhood
asking questions about me?

Yes, ma'am, it does.
I have a problem, here's what it is.

You said you left the office,

the night Mr. Chambers was k*lled,
around 8:15, went straight home.

The Medical Examiner can only guess
at the actual time of death.

After 10, 12 hours,
gets a little hard to be specific, but,

because we know that
Mr. Chambers made the bank withdrawal,

his death had to have occurred
sometime after 9:45...

Probably closer to 10:00, 10:30.

The Medical Examiner said it couldn't
have been any later than that.

What's your point, Lieutenant?

Well, ma'am, it's just that...

if you were home, that'd be fine,

but the thing is, we can't find anybody
who actually saw you come home...

at the time that you said,
or could even verify that you were home.

You think I k*lled Charlie?

Oh, no, no,
it's just procedure, ma'am.

We have to check out the people
that were closest to the victims.

The wife, the in-laws, and the friends.

And it's my impression that you were
as close to Mr. Chambers as anybody.

Lieutenant, I did not k*ll the man.
I had no reason to k*ll the man.

I was home that night by 8:30 or so,
no matter what my neighbors may say.

I'm sure you're right, ma'am. I just
wish I could verify it for the record.

Look, I came home,

I put my car in the garage,
I went in the house,

I turned out all the lights
and I fell in bed.

Naturally, they may have
thought I wasn't home.

Turned out the lights
and went to sleep?

Oh, there's something off, here.
Hold the phone, ma'am!

Here's what I wrote down.

"Mrs. Dimitri said,

I went home to a cold supper,
a hot tub and then bed."

You must have written it down wrong.

No, ma'am. No.

No, I don't think I did.

Look, what difference does it make?
I don't spend my evenings...

looking out my window,
spying on my neighbors.

I could have been standing buck naked
in front of a living room window,

and that doesn't mean
somebody had to see me.

Yes, ma'am,
but there's something else.

You said you put your car in your garage,
but actually, we found a couple of people,

early morning joggers, your paper boy,

who saw your car in the driveway
that morning. Not in the garage.

And nobody saw it
in the driveway that night,

not at 9:00 or 10:00, or even midnight.
Do you see my problem?

Oh, God!

Ma'am?

I can't tell you. I can't do this to him.

Do what to whom?

Ma'am, if you could shed any
light on this, I wish you'd do so.

Okay, Lieutenant,

I didn't come straight home that night.

I went out to dinner
with someone. A man I know.

Do we have to drag him into this?

I have to get things straight,
ma'am, for the record.

How long did this dinner take?

About an hour and a half.

I see. That would make it around 10:00.

And then we went to a hotel together.

Oh... I see.

All right, hotel...

And we were together until about 2:00 a.m.

Is there anything else
you need to know, Lieutenant?

No, ma'am. I get the picture.

I mean... Oh, yes, there is one more thing.
The man's name.

Please, Lieutenant.

He's a married man.
It'd be terrible if this came out.

I appreciate that and I don't want to
cause anybody any trouble.

But I have to have the man's name.

you turn the darkness of death
into the dawn of new life.

Show compassion to your
people in their sorrow.

Be our refuge and
our strength to lift us...

from the darkness of this grief...

God, will this thing ever end? I can't
believe I'm standing here.

I hardly know the man, and I certainly
don't like him very much.

I wonder why he asked me to come.
Maybe it was Vivian's idea. Lord knows why.

Hello? Vivian?

Over here, love.
Why don't you look at me?

Can't meet my eyes, can you?
No, I daresay you can't.

I suppose you're proud of yourself.

Elizabeth is a phone call away
from filing for divorce...

because you couldn't
keep your bloody mouth shut.

Oh, indeed, that was a morning to remember.

– Yeah!
– Oh, nice, Leland.

What's your handicap?
Twenty going on six?

That's 50 more and don't whine.
Nobody likes a crybaby, Jerry.

All right, double or nothing
on the next one.

Who's this, a friend of yours
or a process server?

Excuse me.

– Mr. St. John?
– Yes?

I'm sorry to trouble you, sir,
but I need a few minutes of your time.

Oh, can't this wait? I'm scheduled
to tee off in 12 minutes.

I wish it could, sir.

Look, if it's about some traffic violation...

Uh...

It concerns a homicide, sir.

Mr. Clay, please report to the pro shop.

See you on the tee, Jerry.

Do pick up your feet, Officer.

You really shouldn't be walking
on a green in those shoes.

– Come on. Come over here.
– Oh! I'm sorry.

Come along. Now, what's all
this all about, um...

Columbo. Lieutenant Columbo.

Sir, would you mind telling me
your whereabouts...

last Friday night, say from about
8:30 to 2:30?

Yes, I would.
It's none of your business.

That is, unless you suspect me
of k*lling someone?

Uh, no, sir, I don't.
But I do need it to verify an alibi.

Ah! Vivian Dimitri?

You think she k*lled Charlton Chambers?
That's impossible.

Does that mean that
you were with the lady?

I don't think I care to answer that.

I think you just did,
but I need it for the record.

Lieutenant, you're putting me
in a very difficult position.

I'm a married man
and my wife's sense of charity...

does not extend beyond an annual
donation to the United Way.

But this is just routine, sir.
It's for my information only.

It doesn't even have to go into the report.

Mr. St John, your group's up next.

Mrs. Dimitri joined me
for dinner at 8:30.

We spent the remainder
of the evening at a hotel.

She left sometime after 2:00 a.m.
Does that satisfy you?

Perfectly, sir. Thank you very much.

– Except...
– Except what?

From 8:30 until she left,

was there a time when she was ever
out of your sight?

– No.
– Never?

I just told you that.

Wow, that lady must
have some constitution.

I know my wife, she can't go anywhere,
especially to dinner...

Last call for the Leland group.

...without at least once going to the ladies'...

Lieutenant, a lady's right
to go to the powder room is a given.

But I can assure you...

she wasn't away for more
than five or six minutes.

Now, will you excuse me?

Absolutely, sir, and thank you very much.

– Thank you very much.
– Bye.

Mr. St. John, your group
is waiting on the tee.

Uh, excuse me, sir, just
one more thing, this restaurant...

I think she said the Penthouse Cafe,
was that your idea?

It was a very special place for both of us.

Frankly, I was tired of the food,
but Vivian was a sentimentalist and insisted.

Anything else? No? Good.

If you think of anything else,
call me tomorrow at the office.

Right now, I'm gonna play some golf.

Yes, sir. And have a good game.
And thank you very much.

We need a caddie on the first tee.

You're eating kind of
late today, Lieutenant.

It's been that kind of day, Gracie.

Hmm. Let me know if you see
anything moving around in that chili.

It's from Wednesday.

Just the way I like it.

– Lieutenant.
– Oh, hiya, Brady.

Sir, we've got our break
on the Chambers k*lling.

No kidding. Sit down.
Have you had lunch yet?

Uh, no, sir.

This place makes the greatest chili.
It's simply fantastic.

I can smell it from here.

I'll order you a bowl.

No thanks, sir.
I'm on kind of a diet.

Lieutenant, you know
about the missing files?

Oh, right. All six belong to families that
bought houses in that new development.

– Falcon Ridge.
– Falcon Ridge.

And some of them are suing because of
breach of contract? Something like that?

Well, they were trying,
but they weren't getting very far.

Sir, they found the m*rder w*apon
in an empty lot up at Falcon Ridge.

Yeah?

Ballistics matched it
to the g*n that k*lled Chambers.

Well, I wouldn't be that much surprised.

Well, it looks to me like
we've got it narrowed down...

to a member of one of those six families.

Now, I've had a couple of guys taking statements,
and so far, it looks pretty good. Um...

The Devereauxes, home all night
watching television.

Husband and wife alibi
each other. Convenient, huh?

Then there's Amanda Bristol, divorced,
worked until 8:00, arrived home at 8:30.

And then there's this guy, Connolly,
the neighborhood rabble-rouser...

Yeah, right, Brady. You're on
the ball. I like that. All terrific.

But you're climbing the wrong ladder.

This stuff is terrible.

Sir?

They've changed the recipe for the chili.

Gracie, what happened?
You lost your chef?

Chef?

Ramon, the big guy.
He had one brown eye, one blue.

He went back to Mazatlán two months ago.
We got a new guy back there, Heinrich.

Heinrich? You got a guy named
Heinrich to make chili?

Keep the change. Here.

Come on, Brady,
I gotta walk this stuff off.

Thanks, Lieutenant.

My wife told me that, that stuff
was gonna k*ll me someday.

I think she was right.

Sir, about those people up on Falcon Ridge.

None of those people k*lled Mr. Chambers.

They didn't?

You know the piece of paper
that you found in Mr. Chambers' coat...

and it had numbers and letters on it?

Those were basketball bets.

– No kidding.
– Yeah.

"K-P," Knicks, Pistons.

"C-L," Celtics, Lakers.

"600, 800," the amount he bet.

Now, what did we find
in the victim's coat jacket?

An envelope.

With $1,400 in it.
Right? Like this one?

– Alden Hotel, right?
– Yes, sir.

Now, do you know what this is?

This was the payoff from the bookie.
The bookie works out of the hotel lobby.

Now, at 7:00, the night
Mr. Chambers was k*lled,

he goes, he collects from this guy,

and then he goes back
to his office. You follow me?

– Yes.
– Now, let me ask you something.

You're a guy with $1,400
cash in your pocket.

How come you suddenly
leave your office at 9:30,

go to an a*t*matic teller
and pick up another $200?

– Doesn't make any sense.
– It makes sense, all right,

if you're a k*ller trying to
establish a phony time of death.

Chambers didn't make that withdrawal,
the k*ller did,

to make it look like Chambers
was still alive at 9:45.

That means he d*ed earlier.
Much earlier.

The Medical Examiner says it could
have been as early as 7:30, 8:00.

But he was with Mrs. Dimitri
until quarter past 8:00.

You know what I think?

I think I gotta get something to
wash out the taste of that chili.

You want ice cream?

No, thanks.

As soon as I saw the money,
I said to myself,

"This is a put-up job.

Somebody's trying to hide
the time of death, and why?"

And as sure as Santa Claus
wears red BVDs,

I know somebody will have an alibi
you can't break with a sledgehammer.

Mrs. Dimitri.

I want one of those orange pops.

I'll tell you something else
that's interesting, Mr. Brady.

That withdrawal.

That was made from a teller machine
in the lobby of the Plaza Building.

That's the same building that the lady
had dinner with her boyfriend...

from 8:30 till just past 10:00.

Now, just before they leave,

the lady goes to the powder room.
You figure it out.

Lieutenant, that's great!
We've got her.

Got her? How do you figure that?

No, all I got is a theory
and a set of circumstances.

What I don't have is anything the DA
can bring to the grand jury.

– Oh!
– Lieutenant?

Oh, it's all right.
It's just this tooth.

I gotta have it looked at.

Whenever I get anything cold on it...

– Oh, that's another thing. My dentist.
– Sir?

Before my wife and I
came back from the vacation,

I got a couple of calls
from my dentist's assistant.

They wanted to set up an appointment for me
to come in and clean my teeth.

Yeah. My dentist does that all the time.

But you have a dentist,
Mr. Brady. I don't have one.

Mine moved to Florida four months ago.
I never got a new one.

So somebody, and I'm pretty sure
it's Vivian Dimitri,

was very anxious to know
when I was going back to work.

And now, all I gotta do...

is figure out why.

we commit her body to
the earth from which it was made.

Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust.

Now there are two of them
in the ground, Columbo.

Your wife, my husband.

It's been fun watching him fumble
around, chasing down blind alleys.

I was afraid for a while he wasn't
gonna figure out who I was,

so I made sure he did.

When the time comes, I want him
to know exactly what's happening to him.

Who k*lled his wife and why.

Just before I k*ll him.

It was a private ceremony. Cremation.
Charlie wanted it that way.

No, I never did hear from his ex-wife.
I don't expect I will, either.

Well, for the time being I'm running the office.
His lawyer asked me to do it.

Look, Sid, I've gotta run.

Try and get that escrow
into high gear for me, will you?

Thanks. Talk to you soon.

I hope you don't mind, ma'am.
Ms. Perkins wasn't at her desk.

Oh, I've got her down at the bank
getting some loan documents.

Things are a little bit
crazy around here right now.

Yes, I can see that.

Have you found out yet
who k*lled Charlie?

No, ma'am, but we're getting close.

You and Ms. Perkins,
you've been a big help.

You know those people up at Falcon Ridge?
Those people are very angry.

Just between you and me,
Lieutenant, I would be very angry, too...

if I'd bought one of those houses.

I asked about Falcon Ridge...

because we found what we
think is the m*rder w*apon.

– Tossed away in a vacant lot.
– I see.

Have you narrowed down your
suspects to anyone in particular?

Because, you know, I've done
some business with those people,

and maybe I could give you some
insight into how they think.

Maybe something they said
in the office. In anger.

Well, thank you very, very much, but...

right now we're just checking
alibis for the time of the m*rder.

You'd be surprised how many married couples
claim they were home together watching TV.

You try to prove that otherwise. It's not easy.

I don't imagine it is, Lieutenant.

Is there something else?

No, ma'am.
Well, actually, that's not true.

I came by to extend...

my belated condolences
on the death of your husband.

My husband?

Pete Garabaldi.
He was your husband, wasn't he?

When I went through Mr. Chambers'
personal effects at his house,

I found a lot of photos like this one.

Your hair's a lot different
but I'm pretty sure that's you.

Yeah, it's me, all right, Lieutenant.

I was wondering how long
it was gonna take you to recognize me.

You know what threw me off?
In those days your name was...

Ann, Annie, Annie...

Annette.

Annette Garabaldi.

When I came back to L.A.,

I asked Charlie if he'd mind if I used
my maiden name and my middle name.

I'd made a clean break with the past.
I wanted to keep it that way.

Well, that's perfectly understandable,
ma'am. And like I said,

I was very sorry when I heard about his death.

Heart att*ck, wasn't it?

Pete never took very good care of himself.
Too many calories, too many cigarettes.

I doubt if the prison
had much to do with it.

Well, thank you for saying that, ma'am.

Even though I arrested him, I liked your husband.
I think he was a decent guy.

He just got in over his head
and he did some stupid things.

Yeah.

Uh...

You were living up there, weren't you,
ma'am? Near the prison?

Yeah. Just outside of San Francisco.
I used to visit him every time I got a chance.

You were under a doctor's care, then.
A Dr. Steadman, is that right?

Who told you about that?

It was in your personnel file.
We checked that. It's just routine.

Of course.

Anyway, time has a way
of healing all wounds.

Last year one morning, I woke up and I realized
it was time for me to get on with my life.

Pete Garabaldi was dead, so I k*lled Annette.

That's when I called my old friend Charlton Chambers
and asked him for his help.

God. Charlie was great. He just...
He didn't hesitate at all.

He was so supportive over this last year.
He was always there for me.

I'm really sorry that I never
got a chance to say thank you.

Well, isn't that part of life, too, ma'am?
Missed opportunities.

Why is it that we never appreciate
our loved ones until it's too late?

That can't be true about you and your wife.

I mean, the way you talk about that woman,
she must realize how devoted you are to her.

Well, I try. We never had children,
I'm sorry to say, but we had each other.

And I suppose that makes me a very lucky man.

I'd love to meet her.

– The missus?
– Mmm-hmm.

Yeah? Well, why not?

Sounds like a great idea if
I could ever get it together.

This woman's schedule, I mean,
you wouldn't believe it.

It's between the church and
between volunteering at the hospital...

and watching her sister Ruth's kids,
walks the dog five times a day...

How about dinner one evening?

Why don't I talk to her about it?

Uh... Oh, gee, here I am,
I'm taking up all your time.

– Don't be silly.
– No, no.

No, you're busy and so am I.
Anyway, I gotta get down to headquarters.

Help trace the ownership of that g*n.
So far, it's a dead end.

It wasn't registered?

No, ma'am. Cold as an ice cube.

Again, my sincerest condolences
at the loss of your husband.

Thank you very much, Lieutenant,
that's very kind.

And as far as your invitation is concerned,
I think I'm gonna take you up on that.

To chat about those people up at Falcon Ridge.

Between you and me,
I think one of them k*lled Mr. Chambers.

There's no question in my mind.

And I just want you to know that I'm not
gonna rest until I find the one that did it.

Maybe that's the least the both of us can do.

Anytime.

Right.

Hello. Sorry, I'm not in
to answer the phone.

Leave a message at the beep
and I'll get back to you.

Vivian, pick up the phone.

I know you're there.
I need to talk to you.

Damn it, Vivian, do I have to
come around and pound on your door?

You know I will. I need to
speak to you. Now, please pick up.

Go away, Leland.

There you are.

I don't want to speak to you.

Oh, but you had no problem speaking
to the police lieutenant, did you?

Well, I didn't really have a choice.

Leland, I'm very tired and...

Please be quiet for a minute.
She knows, Vivian.

Elizabeth knows.

She confronted me.

What did you tell her?

What could I?

I tried to minimize it.
Said I'd been drinking...

and it was a fleeting thing,
totally unexpected.

Oh, Leland, darling, you are such
an accomplished liar.

Oh, am I? Maybe that's why
she's walked out on me.

Vivian, you've gotta talk to her,
you've gotta back me on this.

On what?

My darling, you know
how I feel about you.

I am deeply and desperately
in love with you...

and that is exactly what I
plan to tell her if she phones me.

Please don't call again.

Pete.

– Oh, Lieutenant, good morning.
– Oh, good morning, ma'am.

I tried the front door.
Maybe you didn't hear the bell.

That bell hasn't worked
since I moved in here.

Never seem to have time
to get it fixed. Please, come on in.

Thank you. I won't take up
much of your time.

Oh, don't be silly.

I was just having some breakfast.
Will you join me?

Oh, no, thank you very much,
ma'am. I already ate.

How about some coffee, then?

– Actually, that sounds pretty good.
– Sit down.

So, you're up and about
pretty early this morning.

Yeah, I've been going since 6:00.

You gotta stay on top of these things.

You see, the more time that passes,
the colder the trail gets.

And believe me, this trail is getting
very cold, very fast.

Yesterday, I spent the day
talking to those people at Falcon Ridge.

Oh, yes. I heard you brought
Mitchell Connolly in for questioning.

The man has quite a temper.

About a week ago, he stormed into the office.
I thought he was gonna k*ll Charlie.

That's a terrible thing to say.

Well, he wasn't too happy with me, either.

When I asked him about Friday night,
he said he was home alone...

while his wife was out
playing mahjong until around midnight.

Well if I was married to Mitchell Connolly,
I would be out all night, too.

Her problem is she didn't divorce him
years ago, when they lived in Reno.

Some women are gluttons for punishment.

– Here. English muffin. Try it.
– Oh, no, really. Thank you.

No, it's delicious with this lemon marmalade.

– Lemon marmalade?
– Mmm-hmm.

Oh, I thought they
made this with oranges.

Oh, they do. And lemons, too.
It's English, it's very, very good.

You know who would love this? My wife.
That woman is crazy about marmalade.

Me, I can't stand the stuff.
Got too many bumps in it.

I like that nice raspberry jam,
maybe boysenberry.

Well, your wife is a very
discerning woman. Here, have a bite.

Oh, no. Thanks anyhow.

About this Connolly guy,
I was wondering,

maybe you could help me.

Maybe there's something in that
missing file that could be a lead.

Not that I know of.

Actually, it was Charlie's sale. I only
know about Connolly by reputation.

See what I mean? Blank walls.

Well, I won't be bothering you
anymore, ma'am. Thank you very much.

Okay, I gotta go back up to Falcon Ridge,
see whether I can put this together.

Lieutenant. When do I get
to meet your wonderful wife?

Oh, I'm working on that.

Why do I have a hard time believing you?

Look, I would love to call her personally,
but your phone number's not listed.

Ah, yes, ma'am. Department policy.

For the same reason that
the Motor Vehicle people...

won't give out a police officer's
home address.

Too many fruitcakes
running around. But...

I'll be in touch, I promise.
Meanwhile, I gotta get back to work.

Bye, Lieutenant.

Call me.

You find something, Lieutenant?

– Yeah. A dime.
– A dime?

One of those old silver ones.

This is real silver.
Look at the date. 1959.

I bet you that's worth 40,
maybe 50 cents.

Your lucky day.

If all I find is a dime,
it is definitely not my lucky day.

Any more luck with those neighbors?

A couple of them were out of town,

the rest of them were
asleep before midnight.

If you're right and Mrs. Dimitri
did drive up here...

after she left Leland St. John,
nobody saw her.

She drives up the street,
she opens the window,

she heaves out the g*n.

She doesn't even have to get out of the car.
She's here 30 seconds, maybe a minute, tops,

and she's gone without a trace.

Did you ever think, Lieutenant,
that maybe you got it wrong?

Maybe it wasn't her? Maybe it was
one of these people up here?

No, Sergeant, I never thought that.

Did I tell you I talked to
the security guy?

What security guy?

A private company. The guy cruises
around every night, checking things out.

On the night of the m*rder,

he drives by the real estate
agency at 10:00 and at 2:00.

– That's his schedule.
– He see anything?

Not a thing. The office is quiet and dark.

So?

So when Dede Perkins, the receptionist,

finds Mr. Chambers dead
the following morning,

the lights are on,
three lamps, two overheads.

That's right.

Which is how it should have been,

if somebody from the outside
came in, confronted Chambers,

sh*t him, rifled the files and ran out.

A person in that kind of hurry would not
stop and turn off the lights.

Makes sense to me.

I asked the security guy, I said,

"What if you'd come by
and the lights were on?"

"What would you have done?"

He said, "I'd do what I
always do that late at night.

I'd go inside and check."

I get it. So Mrs. Dimitri k*lled him,

turned off the lights
so nobody'd check the offices,

then she came back later, put the phony
bank receipt in his wallet...

and took off, leaving the lights on.

Now you're thinking. The problem is,
it doesn't prove anything.

Nothing so far proves anything.

Lieutenant.

She's coming over here.
Okay, Sergeant, here's what I want you to do,

I want you to nod your head a lot and
keep saying, "Yes, sir."

Why, sir?

Not "Why, sir?" "Yes, sir."
And pardon my tone of voice.

Yes, sir.

– You got that?
– Yes, sir.

What do you mean, you can't get a
straight answer out of these people?

Look, Sergeant, I don't care if we
have to spend another month up here,

we're gonna get cooperation, you got that?

Yes, sir.

Now, you go back and speak to those people again,
especially this guy Connolly.

If he won't cooperate,
take him down to headquarters again.

– Yes, sir.
– All right, talk to you later.

I'm sorry.

The one thing I hate to do is
lose my temper, but the Sergeant,

I don't think all his switches are working.

Well, sometimes if you want something
done right, you have to do it yourself.

Guess you have the same problem
in your business.

Oh, it comes with the territory. So,
does this mean things aren't going very well?

Nobody knows anything, nobody saw anything.

What can I do for you, ma'am?

Not a thing. And I'm late for a client.
I brought you this, Lieutenant.

Well, actually, it's for your wife.

I picked it up on the way over.

Oh, that's very nice.
You didn't have to do that.

Don't be silly. It's nothing.
I think she'll really enjoy it.

You tell her it tastes delicious
on an English muffin.

I'll do that.

And I penciled in dinner
for the three of us on Saturday night.

You don't work on Saturday night,
do you, Lieutenant?

Not if I can help it,
but in this business, you never know.

Well, I'm counting on you.

I'll call you later in
the week to confirm, okay?

And thank you very much.
She'll get a kick out of this.

Got it.

Lieutenant. That was headquarters.
A call just came in for you.

A guy named Steadman,
returning your phone call.

He left a number
where you can reach him.

– Thank you.
– Yeah.

Mmm...

I'm looking for a Dr. Steadman.
Ah, over there.

– Dr. Steadman?
– Yes?

Lieutenant Columbo, LAPD.
We spoke on the phone.

You're a long way from Los Angeles,
Lieutenant.

I wonder if you'd mind, sir,
I do have to ask you a few questions.

Lieutenant, I thought I made it clear, there's
nothing I can tell you about Vivian Dimitri.

You did, sir, and I wouldn't bother you
except it's so important.

Do you mind if I sit down?
Thank you very much.

I've been on my feet
since 6 o'clock this morning.

Lieutenant, I am trying to eat my dinner.

Oh, don't let me stop you, sir.

Excuse me, Dr. Steadman,
is there some problem?

No, no problem at all. Lieutenant
Columbo, Police Department.

I just have to ask the doc a few questions
and we thought we'd...

get it out of the way
over dinner instead of...

having him spend all night
in the police headquarters.

I know how busy you must be, sir.

Perhaps the lieutenant
would like to see a menu.

That won't be necessary, sir.

I'll just have a BLT
on white toast and a cream soda.

One Embarcadero, garni.

Thank you very much.

What are they? Snails?

Escargot, dipped in garlic butter.
The flavor is fantastic.

Oh, garlic! That's what I smelled.
What's it for?

To k*ll the taste of the snails?

Lieutenant, can we make this as
quick and as painless as possible?

A man named Charlton Chambers is dead.

I have reason to believe that
Vivian Dimitri k*lled him.

Ten years ago, Chambers tipped
a stock broker to the fact...

that one of his employees,
Mrs. Dimitri's husband, Pete Garabaldi,

had embezzled funds from his clients.

Although that fact was not known to the world,
it is my guess that Mrs. Dimitri found out about it.

And last Friday night, she evened the score.

Lieutenant, if you expect me to make
a comment on that, you have a long wait.

For me to divulge what Vivian Dimitri...

may or may not have revealed
to me would be a violation of a trust.

Thank you.

Ah, a small mariner's salad.

You're gonna have to forgive me, sir,

but here I am, I'm talking
about m*rder, and from...

this side of the table, it looks like
you don't care one way or the other...

that this woman sh*t down
an unarmed man in cold blood.

Lieutenant... If I understand correctly,

you're trying to get me
to confirm your suspicion...

that Vivian Dimitri may have m*rder*d
Charlton Chambers out of revenge.

If that were true, and I'm not
saying it is, Lieutenant,

such an obsession might not end with Chambers.

He is, after all, not the man who
put her late husband behind bars.

You knew who I was when I called you.
She mentioned my name.

I can't comment on that.

Mrs. Dimitri has asked
a lot of questions about my wife.

A lot of questions about her, sir.
She even wants to meet her.

I'm afraid that would not be a good idea.

When you say that that won't be a good idea...

I mean, it would not be a good idea.

The other night, I took a couple of
books out of the library.

Mental disorders, psychotic behavior,
that kind of thing.

I found a case history.

A woman who felt that someone's
actions led to the death of her husband.

But her obsession for revenge...

didn't focus on the person
that was responsible for it,

but on that person's wife.

Would you say that was unusual, sir?

Not at all, Lieutenant.

In extreme cases,
such a fixation is common.

You rob me of my husband,
I rob you of your wife.

In this example, sir...
Well, it seemed to me pretty dumb.

I mean, the woman couldn't
expect to get away with it.

I'm sure she didn't expect to.

On the contrary, I imagine she would
have gone out of her way...

to make sure the man knew
that she had been responsible.

Even if she had to spend
the rest of her life in prison?

She wouldn't care very much about that.

Your Embarcadero, sir.

Garni.

Oh, excuse me, I just ordered
a BLT. What's all this?

– That's garni, sir.
– Oh.

Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm not feeling too hungry.

Maybe you could put this in a doggy bag,
and I'll eat it on the plane.

– Of course, sir.
– Thank you.

Just the sandwich. The garni...
You can keep the garni.

Thank you, Doctor.
You've been a very big help.

Hey, Lieutenant, the woman you described,

from that case history
you found in that book.

If she did exact her revenge,

she would have to make sure her
victim knew that she was responsible.

Otherwise, where is the satisfaction?
Do you follow me?

Oh, yes, sir.

Yes. I follow you perfectly.

Morning, ma'am.

Good morning, Lieutenant.

Your office told me
I could find you here.

Wow, this is some place.
This must have, what, five, six bedrooms?

Eight.

Why would anybody wanna sell
a place like this?

The owners wanna move
up a notch or two.

Up? Up from this?

My whole house could fit
in here. A couple times.

Well, you wanna know the truth,

the plumbing's terrible,
the roof leaks and all for $6.2 million.

– How many zeroes is that?
– Too many.

So, what can I do for you, Lieutenant?

Not a thing, ma'am. I just came by to
put your mind at ease about Mitchell Connolly.

You arrested him?

It's just a matter of time.
We ran a check on him,

found out he's got a felony
conviction for as*ault,

probation, suspended sentence.
That was a few years ago.

Now, I realize that as*ault
is not the same as m*rder...

That is definitely scary.
I guess you can never tell about people.

You know, I'm surprised you're surprised.

– Oh?
– It was in the file.

What?

The felony conviction.

The bank picked it up when they
checked on his background.

Really?

The pond needs to be drained.
Let's clean it and check it for leaks.

Actually, Charlie handled that sale personally,
a couple of months before I came to work.

It's funny, he never mentioned it.

Yes, that is odd.

Maybe that's why Connolly
took the file and destroyed it.

He destroyed it?

Well, it would've been
dumb of him if he hadn't...

and I've never thought of
Mitchell Connolly as dumb.

Then you never actually
read Connolly's file?

I have my hands full reading the files
I get commissions on.

We've got a broken window in the
master bedroom. We've got to fix that.

Where did I get the idea
that you read the file?

I don't know.

I know where I went off.

The as*ault happened in Reno,
Reno was written in the file,

and the other morning, you mentioned to me that
the Connollys used to live in Reno.

So I must've thought
that's where you got that information.

From the file.

No.

As a matter of fact,

Connolly came into
the office one day to see Charlie...

and we got talking about blackjack.
I was going to Vegas for the weekend,

I think that's when he told
me he that he used to live in Reno.

Oh, I see. Well, that explains it.

Oh, the way that kid drives.
One of these days, I'm gonna give him a ticket.

Lieutenant...

Sergeant, you take care of your car
and it will take care of you.

Lieutenant, you have to
come with me right away.

It's your wife.
They've taken her to the hospital.

What? What happened?

I don't know.
A neighbor found her on the kitchen floor.

Is she all right?

Well, I don't know. They told me to
find you, that's all.

– You drive.
– Yes, sir.

I'll be back for my car later.

By dying, you opened the gates
of life for those who believe in you.

Do not let our sister be parted from you,
but by your glorious power give her light,

joy and peace in heaven
where you live forever and ever.

Amen.

Give her eternal rest, 0 Lord,
and may your light shine on her forever.

Amen.

– I'm terribly sorry.
– Thank you.

– So sorry.
– Thank you for coming.

We're so terribly sorry.

– Thank you very much.
– She's gonna be missed.

Yes, I know.

I'm sorry. I...

I wish I had the words, Lieutenant. I don't.

Her mother's still alive, 82.

Her grandmother d*ed, 90.
How do you figure?

I don't know, do you have plans?
'Cause, I mean, I don't wanna impose,

but could you come back
to the house with me?

Certainly.

I don't want a lot of people around.
I just wanna talk. I don't know.

You've been through this.

So if I start to babble like a lunatic,
you'll be able to understand.

Yes, yes.

Uh...

Could I drive with you? I've had
enough of this thing for one day.

Well, of course.

Okay, I'm gonna go with the lady, here.

– There you are.
– Thank you, sir.

You know, I never found out.
What exactly did she die of?

Um... A heart att*ck. I mean,
it's crazy.

I never even knew she had a problem.

Columbo!

Well, what do you say, Benny?

Look, sorry I didn't make it earlier but
they had me out at 5:30 this morning.

I understand, Ben, no problem.

Look, I don't know if this is
important,

but we got a call from the Coroner's
office and they wanna delay the burial.

What for?

I don't know. Maybe they found
something in the autopsy.

All I know is what they told me.

Right, sure.

Listen, I gotta go home,
so I'm going home, Ben.

If you find out what that's
all about, let me know.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Oh, I'm sure it's nothing.
Just some red tape.

Something like that.
Let's get out of here.

I know it doesn't seem like much,

I mean, with all the fancy houses
you see every day...

This is lovely. This is very warm and homey.

Well, at least it's neat.

Last night, I spent five hours
cleaning the place.

Not that it needed it.

My wife was a very tidy person.

But, you know, I'll tell you the truth,
I was going crazy.

I started washing the walls.

You know what I did when Pete d*ed?
Polished silver.

Three nights straight, till daybreak,
over and over and over.

Funny, the only silver we had we'd been
given as wedding presents...

and I remember who gave us each piece.

I wonder if I should
feed these fish again.

I read somewhere if you feed them
too much, they die.

You know, my wife, she kept
these fish almost three years.

I'll be lucky to keep them three days.

It hurts, doesn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, very much.

But they say after a while you get over it.

Don't count on that.

I still can't get used to
the idea of being alone.

Maybe you'll be luckier.

– You hungry?
– What?

I've been up since 3:00.

I suddenly realized I didn't eat
anything since yesterday afternoon.

You want breakfast?

No, no thanks.

Hey, this is crazy. I gotta eat.
Come on, I'll fix you a cup of coffee.

Your wife was a very attractive woman.

You met her?

No, that's a picture of her
on the piano, isn't it?

Oh, right.

Do you play?

Me? No. But she did.

Not very well, either.
I never told her that.

She was crazy about Chopin.

I think if Chopin ever heard her play,
he'd turn over in his grave.

This was made this morning
but I think it's still okay.

– You want milk?
– No.

– Sugar?
– Black is just fine.

That's the way I like it.

Hot, strong and black.
Plenty of caffeine.

None of that decaf stuff for me.

Say, did I tell you
about Mitchell Connolly?

No, what about him?

The DA thinks we've got a case.
He's getting ready to press charges.

That's wonderful.

Of course, it's mostly circumstantial.
We hope the guy will cr*ck, try for a plea.

Maybe second-degree or manslaughter.

I figure something's better than
nothing, especially with what we got.

That's wonderful. Congratulations.

Who, me? I didn't do anything.
This one was simple.

– Do you ever have second thoughts?
– About what?

I don't know. Worrying maybe you
might've made a mistake.

Well, I'm not the judge
or the jury or even the DA.

I investigate, I make arrests.
I don't pass judgments. That's not my job.

Oh. Looks like my wife
already tasted some of this.

I'm gonna try some myself.
My wife used to kid me about that.

She said I had a closed mind.
You know, the movies, music, books.

Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm a Gary Cooper type of guy.

I like Gary Cooper, I like
Louis Armstrong and Mark Twain.

But I gotta change that.
I gotta open myself up to more.

You sure you don't want a piece?
This marmalade, it was your idea.

Mmm, no thank you, I really am not hungry.

Lieutenant.

What's the matter?

Maybe I will have some more coffee.

No, no, no. Stay there, I'll get it.

There's only one thing I don't get.
And I'll admit, it's bothering me.

Why did Connolly toss that g*n
so close to the house?

That was a very stupid thing to do.

You know, this stuff is pretty good.
Show you what I've been missing.

Me and my closed mind.

Doesn't that come with the job, Columbo?

A policeman needs a narrow,
straight-ahead mentality.

You know, no room for motive
or extenuating circumstances.

Well, ma'am, when it comes
to first-degree m*rder,

my feeling is, there are no
extenuating circumstances.

Maybe you've never been
desperate or frightened.

There are men who will go to any lengths
just to protect the people they love.

My husband was like that, believe me.

It's getting very warm in here, isn't it?

See, he wanted the judge to understand,
he tried to explain to him that...

Well, the judge did understand, ma'am.
That's why your husband got a reduced sentence.

Because he was mentally unstable.

My husband was not mentally unstable!
You have got no right to say that!

Well, excuse me, ma'am,
I mean, this is not my judgment,

I'm just bringing out what was in the trial.

It's getting very warm in here, I...

I think I'm gonna turn down that thermostat.

That judge was a sick, prejudiced old man.

I hated the sight of him,
I hated the sound of his voice.

Oh, excuse me.

Columbo.

Oh, hi, Benny.

What?

Poison?

What kind of poison?

What are you talking about?

I am listening.

Well, do that.

That's crazy.

What is it?

The Coroner's office.
They made additional tests.

Don't ask me the names.
Very complicated long names.

They found evidence of poison.

Did they? What kind of poison?

Something very unusual.

How could she be poisoned?

It doesn't make any sense.

No sense? Really?

Oh, Columbo, you are blind.
You are so blind.

You really don't get it, do you? Hmm?

I'm sorry, ma'am, you've lost me.

Well, then let me help you
back on the trail.

The poison. You wanna know the name of it?

I'm not sure I can spell it.
I know I can't pronounce it.

But I researched it for weeks
just to find the right thing.

It had to be perfect.

What are you saying?
You poisoned my wife?

– Why?
– Why?

For the same reason that
I k*lled Charlie Chambers.

Retribution, Columbo.
A balancing of the books.

You k*lled Mr. Chambers?
No, no, no.

No, that's not possible.

Would you like me to
tell you how I did it?

Ma'am, I have to warn you
not to say anything.

Until I talk to a lawyer? Oh,
I have that little speech memorized.

I know that one by heart.

It got burnt into my memory
over the last 10 years.

Are you telling me that Leland
St. John lied to give you an alibi?

No.

Charlie was dead before
I had dinner with Leland.

The ATM withdrawal.

I did that using Charlie's code.

Charlie let me use his card
all the time, whenever I needed cash.

Ma'am, is this some
kind of confession?

You're forgetting,
I'm still a police officer.

But you won't be for long.

In a little while,
the phone is gonna ring.

And it'll be your friend Benny again...

with some more information
from the Coroner's office.

Only this time,

you won't be able to answer the phone,
Columbo, because you'll be dead.

Lying right here
on your kitchen floor.

I don't think so, ma'am.

You see, this is not my kitchen floor.

What?

I said, "This is not my kitchen floor."

And this is not my house.

This belongs to
my friend, Sergeant Brady.

Sergeant.

Did you get all that?

Yes, sir.

I would have done this
at my house, but...

my wife's got a bad case of the flu,
I didn't wanna disturb her.

Your wife is alive?

Oh, yes, ma'am.

But the funeral
at the cemetery. I saw...

What you saw were a lot of my friends,
other policemen, their wives...

Oh, and by the way,

this marmalade is not the
marmalade you gave me the other day.

This one, I bought myself.
The other jar...

As soon as you gave it to me,

I took it right down to the forensic lab
and had them analyze the contents.

Then... Then you knew all along.

Yes, ma'am. I did.

I want to tell you that...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that your husband d*ed and
I'm sorry for your grief.

And maybe there was
another way to do this,

but if there is,
I don't know what it was.

But there is no way that
you are going to walk away...

from Mr. Chambers' m*rder.

Besides which, you wanted to k*ll
my wife and you would have k*lled me.

I take that very personally.

You bastard.

Hi, it's me.
How're you feeling?

Gee, you sound awful.
You getting any sleep?

That's crazy. Who cares if...

Nurse Wilson is running off
with the gardener's son?

Excuse me, the pool man's son.

Listen if you miss a day
on the soap opera, you can catch up.

No, honest. Believe me, they write
them that way. Get some sleep.

I'll grab a bite at the diner.
Get some sleep.

Okay.

Yeah, that's good. Just get some sleep.

Oh, and tell your sister, Rita,
I got her picture. She can pick it up tonight.

And when you're better, you and me,
we're gonna go to a photographer...

and we're gonna have a
decent picture of you taken.

What do you mean, you take lousy pictures?

How do you know?
You never had a picture taken.

We can do it both ways. You do one
with a hat, you do one without a hat.

Can we discuss this later?
Take your medicine and go to sleep.

I'm hanging up now.

I love you, too.