01x18 - Goose Grease

Episode transcripts for the 2021 TV show "The Wonder Years". Aired: September 22,2021 - present.*
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Coming-of-age story of a 12-year-old Black boy in Montgomery, Ala., in the late 1960s.
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01x18 - Goose Grease

Post by bunniefuu »

[Bill chuckling]

♪♪

What's all this?

Daddy just taught me how to change
my spark plugs and change my oil.

She learned almost as fast as Bruce did.

So, Dad's teaching you to work on cars?

Well, he didn't want to at first.

Said being oily and greasy
was "unladylike."

But saving $ . on a tune-up
is beautiful.

Mm-hmm. [Chuckles]

Dean, tell your mother
to grab the Instamatic

and take a picture.

- [Laughs]
- Ooh.

[Joe Cocker's "Feelin' All Right" Plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Seems I've got to have
a change of scene ♪

ADULT DEAN: It's not easy being
the youngest of three children.

The firstborn gets your
parents' undivided attention.

♪ Imprisoned by the way
it could have been ♪

ADULT DEAN: The second-born
gets a little less attention,

but they're still getting that shine.

♪ So it seems ♪

ADULT DEAN: And then you get
to the third child.

You're lucky if you can get them

to point that camera in your direction.

♪ But someone locked the door
and took the key ♪

ADULT DEAN: I'm not even sure that's me.

♪ You feelin' all right? ♪

ADULT DEAN:
Even though I was the youngest,

I was not gonna be denied
the cool bonding experiences

my brother and sister
got to have with our family.

Dad, I want to go hunting
with you and Granddaddy Clisby.

Now, where'd you come up
with a crazy idea like that?

You know those rabbits
aren't asleep, right?

[Clears throat]

I mean, wouldn't a movie be just as fun?

I can look up
some matinee times right now.

But when Bruce went hunting,

it was all the Williams men together.

I just want to do
the same things he did.

It seems [Sighs] important or something.

Plus, I got my new camera

- ready to capture it all.
- [Camera clicks]

I'll, uh, think about it.

You know that's a no, right?

Fine. If you won't take me,

I'll just have to go ask
Granddaddy Clisby.

Bill Williams, you know there's
no way on God's green Earth

I'm letting my son go into the woods

with a nearsighted old man
holding a shotgun.

So, I guess that's a yes.

[Chuckles softly]

[Bill sighs]

- [Car door closes]
- We're stopping again?

♪♪

I'll take a pee break
every minutes if I want to.

It's one of the perks of getting old,

and you can't take that from me.

So, how many rabbits
did Bruce k*ll his first time?

- I have no living memory...
- Because I'm gonna double it,

maybe even triple it.

What's with the scratching?

Must be mosquitoes.

From the car?

Eh, false alarm.

The boy's complaining
about bugs already?

We're not even in the woods yet.
He needs to toughen up.

Not bugs, Dad, chicken pox.

Ohh.

"Oh" what? "Oh" what, Dean?

A bunch of kids got the chicken
pox at my school this week.

And I'm just hearing about this now?

After spending three hours
cooped up with you in the car?

I want to yell at you,

but I got to take
another pee break... again.

♪♪

Yep. It's definitely chicken pox.

ADULT DEAN: I'd never seen
my mom move that fast.

She was avoiding me like
the plague... literally.

W-What's wrong? Y-You're scaring me.

Oh, baby, it's nothing
to be worried about.

I just haven't had the chicken pox,
and you're very contagious.

And you two.

You are gonna have to hole up
in this house separately. Kim?

Ew. What is with all this noise?

I can't hear myself think.

Stop. Don't move. Dean has chicken pox.

Oh, you are not getting me sick.

- I just got over mono.
- Mono?

You said it was a lingering cold.

We need to be worried
about Dean right now.

Well, just go pack your bags.
You and I are staying at Grandma's.

- Don't got to tell me twice.
- Wait.

So it's gonna be me,
Granddaddy Clisby, and Dad

in the same house alone for a week?

You can't just abandon me
with them, Lil.

Wha... And where do you think
you're going?

I'm, uh, I'm heading home.
It's dinner time.

- It's : , Granddad.
- Damn. It's gonna be cold.

Clisby, have you had chicken pox before?

I've had everything
from the Spanish flu,

mustard gas, hoof-and-mouth.

You name it, I'm immune to it.

Dad, you got to take this seriously.

Chicken pox at your age
can be really dangerous.

Mm-hmm, and I'm not letting you
go home to infect Mother Williams.

Lord knows she's suffered enough.

Fine, fine. But I'm not
gonna be happy about it.

- Dinner's on the stove.
- But it's just boiling water.

Oh, you'll have to finish it yourselves.

Love you, baby. Take care. Bye.

ADULT DEAN: Maybe I was gonna get

that bonding experience after all.

Well, I take dinner at : ,

and, uh, after that,

one of you gonna have to
run my bath water.

You're sleeping outside.

♪ All I know ♪

♪ Ohhh, through the highs and the lows ♪

♪♪

I'm not gonna sugarcoat this.

It's gonna be hard, real hard.

Are you kidding me?
This is gonna be so great!

We can finally hang out
like we planned...

Maybe play some cards,
swap some stories.

Just three generations
of us Williams men.

It's gonna be two generations
if you don't stop yapping.

How about you don't thr*aten my son?

I was talking about myself.

First off, we're gonna have to

divvy up the household duties.

Well, since you were a cook in the Army,

it's only right that you cook for us.

Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Yeah, see, I was in the infantry,

like a real man.

So I'll be sure to sh**t the first one

who tries to break in.

Good thinking.

Dean, you do your regular chores.

And stop scratching.
That's how it spreads.

So, what chores are you
actually gonna do, Dad?

Oh, I don't do chores. Never did.

See, my mama did them for me
until I was ,

and then my wife took over after that.

Guess what, Dad? It's the ' s.
Men have evolved since your generation.

We're not helpless
around the house anymore.

ADULT DEAN: Mm-hmm. This is the
same man who didn't meet any of his kids

until the day after they were born.

Well, I'm old and feeble.

Ain't that what
you're always telling me?

This pox just might take me down.

BILL: I see.

So now that there's chores on the table,

- you're taking this seriously.
- Eh.

You're doing the dishes, Dad.

ADULT DEAN: It was finally happening.

All of us Williams men
were gonna rough it together.

It was gonna be just like
rabbit hunting,

minus the hunting and the rabbits.

Dean, stop scratching.

Your mother's gonna k*ll me

if you end up with a face
full of pox scars.

But it's so itchy.

There's only one way to fix this.

♪♪

♪♪

Ugh! Darn it.

God did not take Adam's rib

so he could scrub a pot.

You'll get used to doing chores.

Doing them together could even be fun.

You know what's really fun?

Making money.

How's about I give you cents a day
to do my chores?

ADULT DEAN: While I was
hoping all of us roughing it together

would create a lifelong memory,

I couldn't turn down
a solid side hustle.

And don't tell your father.

Ahh!

[Grunts]

♪♪

[Sighs]

♪♪

Well, come on, now. I'm a little rusty.

Well, if the pox don't k*ll us,

this chili sure will.

Well, I don't know how else
we're gonna eat, do you?

♪♪

Now, preheat the oven to

and put it in for minutes.

ADULT DEAN:
This was before N s, people.

Mom, I really, really,
really missed your cooking.

All right. Point made, Dean.

Dean, I can see you've been scratching.

I brought you something for the itch.

- Y'all need to use it.
- No, ma'am.

I'm not taking the white man's medicine.

Dad, I know you don't trust doctors,
but you can't avoid them forever.

Watch me.

See what I'm putting up with over here?

Mm-hmm. Y'all enjoy yourselves.

- I've got my own remedies...
- [Door closes]

...much better than any doctor's.

- You'll see.
- [Doorbell rings]

[Screams]

[Dramatic music plays]

Oh, good. My goose is here.

[Grunts]

♪♪

Where did this come from?

I called my goose guy.

Why do you need a goose?

To make goose grease.

ADULT DEAN: If Granddaddy Clisby thought

he was making things clearer,

he was wrong.

Can someone tell me
what the heck a pre-wash is?

Dad, no.

Kept you healthy
your whole childhood, son.

More like it kept me smelling bad

and swatting flies my whole childhood.

Dad, Granddad's about to
teach me to make goose grease.

You should join us, then it'll be

the three generations
of Williams men making memories.

I'm not participating
in any of this nonsense.

Pay him no attention.

You're about to learn
the magic of goose grease.

♪♪

[Grunts]

CLISBY: Yeah.

- Now, doesn't that feel better?
- [Chuckles]

ADULT DEAN: It actually did
help with the itching.

And my skin felt amazing!

Never been so soft and supple.

I can smell y'all from inside.

Well, that means it's working.

It does make me
a little nostalgic for home.

CLISBY: Mm-hmm!

[Chuckles]

Hey, Dad, maybe you should put some on.

- Then the three of us could...
- [Flies buzz]

Oh, no! Here come the flies!
They bite! They bite!

- BILL: Eyes! Not the eyes!
- Ow!

ADULT DEAN: By day four, we had
all fallen into a routine.

♪♪

[Dishes clatter]

- I was reading that.
- I know.

ADULT DEAN:
But Dad and Granddad were still

getting on each other's nerves,

which meant there was
zero bonding going on.

And stop scratching, Dad.

Just use the cream Lillian brought.

I ain't studdin' them quacks
down there at the pharmacy.

Goose grease works just fine.

The only thing
that goose grease is doing

is making my house
smell like a barnyard.

Listen, if you don't want
me here, I'll be happy to leave.

In fact, I'm tired of you
always trying to tell me what to do,

trying to domesticate me.

[Doorbell rings]

How many goose guys ya got?

- DEAN: Hey, Cory!
- BILL: [Chuckles]

- Good to see you, Cliff.
- CORY: Sorry, Dean.

Mrs. Fry made me
bring you your homework.

I tried telling her
you were on death's door

and that you wouldn't need
any algebra in heaven,

but she wasn't buying it.

It's okay. At least you tried.

ADULT DEAN: I pretended
to be mad, but secretly,

I was missing
that sweet, sweet arithmetic.

When Vivian heard
y'all were doing the cooking,

she sent me over here
with this casserole.

Here, let me come inside.

Hey, what are you doing?
We're still contagious.

I-It's all good.
Now, Cory can't come in,

but I can 'cause I got the pox
when I was .

I'm immune.

[Laughs]

Come on, man.

I get to sit on the good couch?

You must really be desperate.

BILL: [Chuckles] You hungry?

Thirsty?

Can I pour you a scotch?

It's : in the afternoon, Bill.

Boy, boy, you're a sight for sore eyes.

Uh, I see being all cooped up in here

hasn't, uh, affected you guys at all.

So, what'd I miss
at the barbershop, huh?

Did Hal patch up with Ida?

Oh, you ain't gonna believe this. Okay.

So, has Keisa asked about me?

[Chuckles] Yeah, she has been, actually.

She wanted to come over and visit you,

but her parents think
chicken pox come from the devil.

They said the same thing
about wearing glasses.

So, what's Lester gonna do
with his settlement check?

What you think he gonna do with it?

Not make Jesus proud,
that's for damn sure.

- [Laughter]
- Right there!

And then he gonna try to tell me

that he got Eartha Kitt's phone number.

[Laughter]

I've been trying to bond
with my dad and granddad

like Bruce did,

but every time we get close to it,

something gets in the way.

Hey, man, what if you gave me a hug?

Then you'll get chicken pox.

I know! Look, I got
a social studies test on Friday,

and I have not studied for it.

Plus, if I time it right,

I could probably get out of church, too.

Cory Long, don't you take one more step.

Boy, have you lost your mind?

Look, now, you know
your mama gonna blame me

if you get sick. I'm taking you home.

You going? You just got here.

CLISBY: Yeah, stick around.

We could get a card game going.

Now, I know y'all going delirious

if y'all are inviting me
to take your money.

I'mma see you fellas.

Uh, hey, Dean, give me...
Slap me some skin, man.

CLIFF: No, no. Get to the car.

Want to know what'd be a good idea?

If the three of us play cards together.

You could even teach me poker.

You don't know how to play poker?

Well, you ought to know by now.
[Stammers] How old are you? ?

I'm .

You're not gonna teach my son
how to gamble.

Besides, he doesn't have any money.

- Yeah, he does.
- Yeah, I do.

You know what?

If it'll help us pass the time,
let's do it.

Just don't tell your mother.

ADULT DEAN: This was it.

My last chance to connect
with the men of my family,

and I was not gonna let
anything ruin it.


We broke so many family rules
that night...

Playing poker, not using coasters,

peeing out the back door.

Mom would've k*lled us.

Pair of kings. [Laughs]

Uh, I-I've got
some eights and some sixes.

That's something, right?

[Laughs]

Boy, that's a full house.

- Oh, this is gonna be good.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Beginner's luck, beginner's luck.
Come on, come on, come on. Play again.

- Deal, deal, deal.
- [Sighs]

ADULT DEAN: Granddaddy Clisby was right.

My luck started to run out after that.

Poker's all about bluffing.

Just act like you're Kim lying about

why she missed curfew, except better.

Don't worry, kid.

I've been winning at poker

since I learned to play in
a foxhole during the Great w*r.

So what was it like
fighting in World w*r I?

You might be a little young
for those stories.

I'm old enough to play poker.

Fine. I guess I can tell you one story.

♪♪

And that's when I sh*t down
the Red Baron.

No, you didn't. No, he didn't.

ADULT DEAN: Once Granddaddy got started,

there was no stopping him.

I heard about trench warfare,
mustard gas poisoning,

and how he single-handedly saved Paris

while falling in love
with Josephine Baker.

What about one of your w*r stories, Dad?

- Aw.
- CLISBY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tell him about the time
that you sliced your finger

while cutting a tomato

during the battle of ham sandwich.

You see, your brother, Bruce,
and I fought in combat

while your father was banging pots

in the safety of the kitchen.

Well, they say an army marches
to battle on its stomach.

Well, you got that right.

[Both laugh]

You feeling okay?

- Need to lay down?
- Uh, n-no, I'm fine.

L-Let's keep playing.

And we were marching
through this town, see,

and I saw this cute
little French girl...

Not appropriate, Dad.

ADULT DEAN: This was it.

This was the bonding moment
I'd been waiting for.

I was feeling happy,
feeling redeemed, feeling...

very, very hot.

You okay there, Dean?

Oh, you are burning up.

We need to get you to a doctor.

No, no, no, no, we ain't going there.

All right? Y-Y-You can't
trust these doctors.

Well, they tell you
they're gonna take your blood,

then they don't tell you
what they're gonna do with it.

Don't listen to him.

This is just nonsense
he hears at the barbershop.

You remember your cousin Darnell?

Well, he's being treated by some doctors

over at Tuskegee
in some special studies,

but I'm telling you,

the man is only getting worse.

ADULT DEAN: Yeah, that's the one

the history books
still don't talk about enough.

Well, maybe we should just
call it a night, then.

No, we have to keep playing!

Why is this so important to you, Dean?

Because you, Granddaddy, and Bruce

have all these things in common.

You go hunting and fishing
and do all these manly things,

and I don't get to do any of it.

I-I just want to be
a part of the Williams men...

for once.

Dean, that's crazy talk.

You'll always be a Williams man...

...for better or worse.

So, can we still play?

Uh, it's my turn to deal.

[Missiles whistling]

[expl*si*n]

[All scream]

There goes another pair of clean undies.

[Laughs]

ALL [Chanting]:
Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean,

Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean!

Dean! Can you hear me?

All right, you doughboys,

it's time to go over the top
and lick those Germans.

He's delirious and talking crazy.
We need to go now.

Uh, uh, all right.

[Dean murmuring indistinctly]

Dad!

What?

Oh, God, my baby.

I-I'm okay, Mom.

You're gonna live, right?

ADULT DEAN: Kim was being nice to me?

Dang. I must've been
sicker than I thought.

Oh, thank God. Is he okay?

Dean may have gotten a blood infection

stemming from the chicken pox.

I'll need to take a blood sample
to be sure.

Oh, no, no, I am not getting a sh*t.

What? Baby, it'll just hurt
for a second.

Don't you know that they take your blood

and do something secret with it?

That's right.

That's why they call it
medical practice,

because they're practicing on you.

- Dad.
- Exactly.

Just g-give me some goose grease,

and I'll be fine.

Wha... Goose grease?

Dad.

You need to stop.

You're the one who put
this foolishness in his head,

so... you're the one
who needs to get it out.

Okay.

Okay.

So, maybe you ought to
listen to the doctor just this once.

But you wouldn't let them
take your blood, Granddad.

You told me.

♪♪

Maybe if we do this together.

You'd do it?

Only if you do it with me.

Uh, okay.

LILLIAN: You know what?

Bill hasn't seen a doctor in years.

Maybe you should do it, too.

Uh, sure, I'll...
I'll get my blood drawn...

from my body.

You, too, Daddy?

Now, who wants to go first?

Now, now, now, if it's...

I-if it's about me, um,

I want a Black doctor, but no offense.

Please. Offense intended.

- Mm-hmm.
- [Scoffs]

♪♪

Are you sure you went to medical school?

Well, w-w-was it
a women's medical school?

Were men there at that school?

ADULT DEAN: This wasn't exactly

the bonding experience I'd wanted

when we set off
on our hunting trip last week,

but seeing the sacrifices
my family made for me,

I felt a new closeness
I hadn't anticipated.

We were like blood brothers now.

Is your husband
okay with you being a doctor?

[Scoffs] What husband?

I'll let you know when I meet him.

You see?

That's what happens
when you get an education.

[Clicks tongue]

ADULT DEAN: I had set out
to create a bonding experience

with the men of my family,
and it quickly became

a disastrous week
of chicken pox, goose grease,

and bloodletting.

But what I didn't realize

was that you can't force
these kinds of things...

You just got to let them happen
on their own.

Turns out the moments you don't plan for

are the ones
that make the best memories.

When we got the blood-test results back,

it turned out I had a minor infection

that cleared up after some antibiotics.

Well, glad to see
you got your appetite back.

- Mm-hmm.
- Must mean

you're feeling better.

Yep. Maybe I can even
go to school tomorrow.

Well, the doctor said she'd
call tonight to give the all clear.

"She." Just doesn't sound right.

[Stammers] I'm just glad

that you are back in the kitchen.

Oh, Clisby, the only reason
I cook delicious food

is to keep that mouth of yours

occupied and shut.

[Chuckles] You see?

That's what happens
when you get an education.

ADULT DEAN:
Granddaddy surprised everybody

with his perfect blood test,

proving that he's inexplicably
as healthy as a horse.

My dad, on the other hand,

found out he has high cholesterol.

Come on, Lil.

Why don't you give me
a little piece of that roast?

Bill, you had two eggs this morning.

You're already over your limit
for the day.

Come on, it's just 'til
you get your numbers down.

Mmm! This pot roast is delicious.

Well, maybe you could trade one bite

for one egg next week.

[Laughter]

So this is how it's gonna be?

[Telephone rings]

That must be the doctor calling.

- What's cholesterol?
- Oh, baby.

LILLIAN: Doctor just told him
he can't have any meat...

- Hello?
- LILLIAN: ...so I need to

cut back on the bacon.

What?

What? What's wrong?

Is Dean okay?

It's about Bruce.

Thank you.

Uh...

Bruce was injured in Vietnam.

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

He's alive, but h-he had...

He had to get surgery.

They're flying him back
to the V.A. hospital tomorrow.

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

[Whimpers]

It's okay.

[Lillian cries]

It's gonna be okay.

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
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