Here's the okay
from Washington...
on our latest ham
operator application.
Call letters are W XRL .
These two-way radio rigs are
getting to be quite a popular hobby.
Yeah. I just hope
this man realizes...
that being able to
communicate with people all
over the world carries
a serious responsibility.
Mm. What's the name on this one? Uh,
"Herman Munster. Mockingbird Heights."
Oh, I'm sure he's a solid citizen
with both feet on the ground.
♪ One bright and shining light ♪
♪ That taught me
wrong from right ♪
♪ I found in my mother's eyes ♪♪
[Airwave Static,
Transmission Ends]
[Switches Clicking]
That's funny.
The man in Australia cut me off in
the middle of “My Mother's Eyes."
[Airwave Static] Oh, Herman.
Will you knock it
off with that thing?
Look, if you wanna communicate
with people around the world,
here, use my crystal ball.
You put over
$ into that thing,
and you can't even
get the roller derby on it.
Yes, Herman, come on to bed.
You've talked to six countries, and
nobody wants to hear "My Mother's Eyes."
I'll come to bed later.
Lily, I've always
wanted a ham radio set.
And now that I've got one, I'm
gonna listen in on distress signals...
and notify the authorities
and... prevent disasters...
and noble things like that.
Aw, Uncle Herman,
you're all heart.
Oh, no, I'm not. There's
lots of other junk in here.
Come on, Marilyn.
Let's go upstairs.
Look, Herman, take my advice.
Don't try to be noble. Just
learn to mind your own business.
That's just what
I've been doing...
ever since I told that Napoleon fellow
to take that shortcut through Waterloo.
[Switches Clicking]
[Airwave Static]
[Man Over Radio] Calling W XRL .
Calling W XRL .
Grandpa. That's
me! That's-That's me!
[Switch Clicks] Hello, hello?
This is W XRL .
Come in, come in.
[Switch Clicks] [Man Over
Radio] This is Milan, Italy.
Italy. Are you the one...
who was singing
"My Mother's Eyes"?
[Switch Clicks] That was
me. That was me. Hmm!
That is correct. [Switch Clicks]
[Man Giving Raspberry]
That is all. Over and out.
[Laughing]
Well, I don't call
that very neighborly.
[Airwave Static]
Calling CQ. Calling CQ.
Uh, come in, please.
[Switch Clicks] [Airwave Static]
How do you like these new
walkie-talkies that I got for my birthday?
Boy, they're great. We can
play some neat games with them.
Let me have one. Okay.
Aw, they're no fun. I'd rather go home
and watch my Grandpa blow up things.
Aw, go on, Eddie. I don't think you
have half the fun at home you say you do.
Hey, Walt, you go over on the other side
of the wall, and we can talk to each other.
We'll pretend we're
spacemen. Okay.
Can you read me?
Can you read me?
I read you loud and clear. Over.
Hey, where you goin', Eddie?
Aw, I'm goin' home. This is kid stuff.
See ya later, Roger. Bye, Walt.
You know, sometimes I just
don't dig that Eddie. Me too.
I wouldn't mess around with him except
for the neat way he opens up cans...
With his ears.
Hey, Walt. I got an idea.
Why don't I be a spaceship, and
you be a control tower on Mars?
Okay. Get over
there behind the wall.
[Clears Throat]
[Lowers Voice] This
is spaceship X- .
Now circling spaceport.
Come in, spaceport.
[Airwave Static]
[Switch Clicking]
[Switches Clicking]
[Static Continues]
Ah. [Switch Clicks]
[Walt Over Radio] This is
Spaceport Mars calling X- .
Tracking you on gamma beam. Stand by at
plutonium layer for landing instructions.
Mars.
[Transmission Breaking
Up] This is spaceship X- .
Vector reading: - - .
Now f*ring retro-rockets
in sequence.
It is Mars.
It is Mars!
That's a spaceship!
[Switch Clicks]
Hello! Hello! Hello! This
is W XRL , planet Earth.
Hey, Walt.
What's this "planet Earth"
junk? What do you mean?
Listen. [Switch Clicks]
This is W X L...
W XRL , planet Earth.
Calling Mars. Calling
Mars. [Switch Clicks]
Some other kid must have
one of these things, too,
and he's trying to
get in on the game.
Yeah, but it's getting late. We gotta
get home. Just a minute. Just a minute.
[Clears Throat]
[Lowers Voice] Planet
Earth, this is spaceship X- .
Now in landing pattern
for Spaceport , Mars.
Will have to break off.
Will have to break off.
[Switch Clicks] But you can't
break off. I-I've gotta talk to you.
Please, fella, don't
break off. [Switch Clicks]
Sorry. Will resume
transmission same time tomorrow,
: Earth time.
That is all.
[Switch Clicks] But...
I got Mars. I got Mars.
I got Mars! I got Mars!
[Whoops] And Lily and
Grandpa said this was a kid's toy.
Hah! Wait till I break
this news to the world.
[Laughing]
Your Majesty,
ladies and gentlemen,
it is with a great deal of
pleasure that I modestly accept...
this Nobel Prize in Science.
[Laughing]
Herman!
Will you please come to bed?
I'm dying to get some sleep.
Lily, I'm much too excited
to go... To go to sleep.
And besides, I just
may be sitting on top...
of one of the biggest scientific
breakthroughs in history.
[Chuckling] Well, whatever it is you're
sitting on, get up off it and come to bed.
Lily, I was
speaking figuratively.
And that's no way to talk to
a future Nobel Prize winner.
Oh, Herman! Come to bed!
Yes, dear.
[Snoring]
[Continues Snoring] Herman.
Herman. Herman! [Yelps]
Oh! Oh, Grandpa.
You gave me such a fright. I
thought you were a man from Mars.
What are you talking
about, Herman?
What's going on down here?
You've been sitting
down here for hours.
Grandpa.
What would you say...
if I told you that in two
minutes... At the stroke of : ...
I, Herman Munster,
am gonna be in communication
with the planet Mars?
[Laughing]
I'd say...
that if you keep
talking this way,
they'll take you away
to the funny farm.
[Ringing] There.
Now. It's : .
You'll see. You'll see. [Laughs]
[Switch Clicks] [Airwave Static]
Boy, Roger, we'll have more
fun playing spacemen than ever...
now that your father bought you this
genuine synthetic plastic spaceship.
Boy, I hope we can get that kid who we
talked to yesterday on the walkie-talkie.
We said we'd call
him back at : .
[Clears Throat]
[Lowers Voice] Calling W XRL .
Come in, Earth. Come in, Earth.
This is Mars. I've got
them! I've got them!
Are you trying to tell me
that's Mars? [Switch Clicks]
It's not the weather report.
Hello, Mars? This is W XRL .
Where are you? [Switch Clicks]
We have just penetrated
through substratosphere...
and made our first
landing on Earth. Over.
[Switch Clicks] They're
here! They're here!
They-They've landed
on Earth! All right.
All right, Herman.
Don't get so excited.
It's only people from Mars.
People from Mars?
Grandpa! Grandpa!
[Switch Clicks] Don't
go away. I'll be right back.
Grandpa. Grandpa. Grandpa.
Will you wake up, you dummy!
We're making history.
Hello. Hello.
Come in, Earth. Come in, Earth.
I guess somethin' happened
to our friend from Earth.
Maybe the kid's parents made
him go take a bath or somethin'.
Aw, let's come back after supper.
Maybe we can get him then.
You really think it's a kid?
He must be. He sounds so stupid.
Now, Grandpa, Grandpa.
You heard them.
They're men from Mars,
and they've landed on Earth.
We have to go
call the air force.
They have a department that
checks on unidentified flying objects.
Not so fast, Herman. We can't
just go and call the air force.
You want 'em to think
we're a couple of nuts?
Oh. Heavens, no.
Before we call the air force, we
have to have concrete evidence.
But where are we
gonna get evidence?
All we have to go by
is a voice on the radio.
Don't worry, Herman. I'll find that
spaceship with my direction finder.
Come on.
I've got it in here somewhere.
Let me see. What
do we have here?
Oh. A rabbit's foot
carried by General Custer.
Mother's Day card
from Lizzie Borden.
Compass off the Titanic.
Ah! Here it is! [Laughing]
Yeah!
My radio direction
finder. Direction finder?
Grandpa, that's just an
old-fashioned divining rod.
True, true. But I had it
transistorized last month.
Grandpa. Yeah?
If we find this spaceship,
you and I will be
famous all over the world.
[Both Laughing]
Hey, Mom.
How come Grandpa and Dad
aren't having dinner with us?
Well, Grandpa said they had to go
out tonight on important business.
But Grandpa didn't
even take his shovel.
Something's up, Aunt Lily.
They weren't their usual selves.
They looked very strange
when they went out.
I don't know what's the matter,
but Herman's been acting funny
ever since he got that ham radio set.
Oh, but he does need a
hobby. He works hard all week.
[Sighs] That's true, Marilyn.
You know, Herman
took up golf once,
but he had so much trouble
getting together a foursome.
Hey, Mom, maybe Dad's out
playing poker with some men.
When he comes home, you'll have to
yell at him and make him sleep on the sofa.
- Eddie. Where do you get
ideas like that?
- From television.
You see, Marilyn, it's
just the way I told you.
Those shows on
television about horrible
families have a definite
effect on children.
[Steady Clicking]
Grandpa, we've been following
that divining rod for over an hour now,
and we haven't
seen a Martian yet.
Don't worry, Herman. We'll find
that spaceship before the night's over.
Well, I certainly hope so.
The only thing it's led us to so far
is a shortwave diathermy machine.
That lady looked very upset when
she saw us peering in her window.
Will you stop worrying, Herman? She'll
be down off the chandelier before morning.
[Loud Clicking]
Look, Herman! It's found
something. [Laughing]
You see? I told you it'd work.
[Laughing]
Grandpa, they're
down there. Right.
The Martians are
hiding down there.
[Chuckles]
Hi, Martians. Are
you down there?
[Clicking Stops]
[Gasping]
You big dummy!
Why didn't you tell me
it was set for "Water"?
What are ya squawking about? You
could've got a face full of scrap iron.
Calling W XRL .
This is spaceship X- .
Would somebody come in?
Would somebody
please come in? Please?
Gee, Rog, I wonder
where that other kid is.
He hasn't been on
the air since : .
Maybe he's a little shrimp
and can't stay out this late.
Let's keep on trying
for a little while longer.
[Clicking]
[Clicking Louder] Hey,
Herman. We're getting something.
Look. It's over here. Oh, boy!
I hope it's not
another false alarm.
Come on.
Look! Herman, a spaceship.
Grandpa.
We're making history.
We're Galileo, Columbus and
David Susskind all rolled into one.
Look, Herman. There are
two Martians by the ship,
and look how little they are.
Just like in the comic strips.
Come on. We'll welcome
them to planet Earth.
Hello there!
Ahoy, Martians!
[Screaming] Go! Go!
They ran away.
I guess they're just not
used to Earth people,
but can you imagine
anyone being afraid of us?
Well, maybe their standards
of beauty aren't as high as ours.
Grandpa. What?
I'm getting scared.
Those Martians might come back
with a ray g*n and disintegrate us.
I'd feel like a perfect
fool if they did.
Let's at least get some
concrete evidence.
We'll take a picture of the ship
we can show to the air force.
Good idea.
Say "cheese."
Will you knock it off
and take the picture!
"Cheese."
Hmm.
And you say you and your
son-in-law took this photo last night.
That's right, Captain.
You see, he's been in voice communication
with Mars for the past few days.
You mean he's been talking
to the little people up there.
Yes. He has a ham radio.
A radio. That must
have made it a lot easier.
Oh, of course. As soon as the Martians
told us that they were going to land,
I got out my divining rod
to help track them down.
You have a divining rod.
Yes, and it's transistorized.
All I have to do is
set it for "Martians,"
and it led us to their
spaceship on a vacant lot.
There were two little men there,
and, as soon as they
saw us, they ran away.
I wonder why.
You see, I don't know either,
but we felt it our patriotic duty to bring
it to the attention of the government.
Well, I can't tell you how much
we appreciate your coming in here...
and taking up
our time like this.
What? [Stammering]
You mean that's it?
We discover a
spaceship and Martians,
and it's just "How do you
do, hello and good-bye"?
Oh, no. I can assure you that this photo
will be processed through proper channels.
Uh, Captain, if you don't mind,
this is very important to me.
- I'll wait outside.
- Excellent.
Sergeant, come in, please.
Aunt Lily, that was Uncle
Herman's boss on the phone.
They're looking for
him down at work.
He didn't even go to
work today, Marilyn.
He's playing with
that ham radio again.
They said they were taking
inventory down at the parlor,
and Uncle Herman's the only
one who knows where things are.
Hello? This is W XRL
calling spaceship X- .
Come in, please.
Come in, please.
[Switch Clicks] [Airwave Static]
[Switch Clicks] X- , X- .
Come in, come in,
wherever you are.
We were standin' here
playing Martian last night, Pop,
and those two big
guys came along.
They had on real scary
masks and yelled at us,
and one of them was
carrying a big stick.
Why, they oughta be
ashamed of themselves.
One thing I can't stand
is a wise guy bully.
Listen, Roger, I
want...
[Herman Over Walkie-Talkie] Calling
X- .Come in, please.
Come in, please.
That's the guy now, Pop.
Here, give me that thing.
Hello. This is X- .
[Switch Clicks] Oh, I'm
so very glad I got you.
It was very rude of you to run
away last night. [Switch Clicks]
- Look, who is this?
- [Switch Clicks]
Why, I'm W XRL ,
one of the Earth people.
You sound very, uh, big.
Are you the head
Martian? [Switch Clicks]
Yeah, I'm the head Martian. You
know what I'm gonna do, buster?
If I ever run into you, I'm gonna break
your arm off and shove it down your throat!
[Switch Clicks] Hmm.
Well-Well, you just
can't do that, Mr. Martian,
because you don't
know where I am.
So there.
Well, in that case, I guess I'll just
have to blow up the planet Earth.
Oh, my goodness!
Lily! Lily! Lily!
The world's coming to an end.
And it's... And it's all
my fault. [Whimpering]
There, there, dear.
Herman? Lily?
Is anybody home?
Marilyn?
Herman, what are you doing?
Grandpa, the world's coming to an end,
and we're hiding
out till it's over.
Herman, will you
let us out of here!
He keeps talking about men from Mars
blowing up the world. It's true, Grandpa.
While you were out, I
talked to the head Martian,
and he got mad at me
and started calling me
names and said he was
gonna blow up the world.
Herman, will you pipe
down a minute and listen?
That was no spaceship we found.
The air force identified
it as a child's toy...
sold in every department store.
And those two Martians
we saw? It wasn't them.
It was two kids
playing spacemen.
- You're kidding.
- Kidding?
Look.
"Made in Japan"?
There you are, Herman.
No Martians, no spaceship,
no end of the world.
Now what do you
have to say for yourself?
Well, that's the way
the ball bounces.
[Airwave Static]
[Switch Clicking]
What's this, a delegation?
We just came down here to
get you away from that radio.
That's right, Herman. It's
caused us nothing but trouble.
Don't worry. I'm just trying to
get some music so I can relax.
Maybe Lawrence Welk or someone.
But, Uncle Herman...
[Man Over Radio] Come in,
spaceport. Come in, please.
This is spaceship
Astro- calling Mars.
Calling Mars. [Airwave Static]
Hmm! Will you listen to that?
[Switch Clicking] Hello,
spaceship Astro- .
Spaceship Astro- .
This is Earth.
Lay off it, you big dummy!
[Laughing]
No one's gonna fool
me the second time.
[Laughing]
My, those Earth
people are getting rude.