Oh, tidying up, Lily?
I'm trying to, Grandpa.
We must tell Eddie not to let
Spot play with his ball in the house.
Where are Eddie and Herman?
Herman took Eddie over to
the park to play a little baseball.
Oh, it's so nice to see a
father and son so close.
Yes, Lily. My father
and I were very close.
And he used to give me
such wonderful advice.
I remember one day, he said to
me, "Son, as you go through life,
always bury your mistakes."
Bury your mistakes? Yes. You see,
my father never believed in divorce.
Now, Eddie, to
throw a curve ball,
you get two fingers around
the top of the ball like this.
And then you squeeze
down to get a nice firm grip.
[expl*si*n]
[Shudders] Fiddlesticks!
Um, uh, uh, give me
another ball, Eddie.
Okay, but just hit
a few flies. All right.
But I've shown you this before,
Eddie. Now watch closely.
[Ball Soaring] Now, you
get a nice open stance.
Feet planted firmly on the
ground. Nice firm grip on the bat.
Take it back nice and easy.
[Ball Descending Rapidly] 'Cause
in baseball, there's a wrong way...
and a right way.
Uh, that's not the right way.
Now watch this.
[Rocketing]
Uh, throw me another one, Eddie.
But that was my last ball.
Huh?
Well, short baseball
season, wasn't it?
Mr. Durocher, you really feel the Dodgers
will win in the first division this year?
First division? Look, Charlie, if we
can come up with a power hitter...
I mean, a guy who
can hit the long ball...
I think my old club is a
cinch to win the pennant.
[Ball Descending Rapidly] I've been
b*ating the bushes looking for a guy...
Mr. Durocher! Leo!
Are you all right?
Yeah, uh... I'm all right,
but how close is the
nearest ballpark around here?
It's eight blocks away. But your
head. Shall I call an ambulance?
Never mind the ambulance.
Where's the guy who hit this ball?
That's right, Walt. This guy
hit a ball at least seven blocks.
How do I know? It conked
me right on the head.
Sure, it hurt, but what's a fractured
skull if it's good for baseball?
I was tipped off about this guy from
some of the kids around the neighborhood.
His name is a Mr. Herman Munster
and he lives on Mockingbird Lane.
Don't worry about it,
Walt. I'll have his name
on the contract first
thing in the morning.
Oh, is this Munster character
gonna be swept right off his feet...
with the most sincere,
lovable, charming personality...
What do you mean,
"Who am I sending?"
I'm going myself!
Ah! [Lily Chuckles]
Oh, my!
[Herman] Doesn't
that look yummy.
How was your morning
at the ballpark, Eddie?
It was real crowded
when we got there.
By the time Pop got
up to bat, it thinned out.
Say, Herman. Your boss, Mr. Gateman,
phoned and mentioned how busy you are.
Things really must be
jumping down at the parlor.
Oh, no, they're not. We keep
a very tight lid on everything.
But we are busy.
As a matter of fact,
I've brought home a lot of
paperwork to do over the weekend.
- You really love your work,
don't you, Uncle Herman?
- Yes, Marilyn.
Nothing could drag me away
from my job down at the parlor.
That's right, Herman.
And in just years,
the company will give you a
big banquet and a gold shovel.
Kind of grabs you, doesn't it?
Boy, I gotta love
baseball to go through this.
[Loud Banging]
Good evening,
sir. May I help you?
Yes. Is this the Munster
residence? That's right.
I'm Leo Durocher, and I'd
like to see a Herman Munster.
Oh, yes. Won't you come in? Yes.
I've never seen a place
like this in my whole life.
Not even in Brooklyn. Thank you.
My Uncle Herman has
some work to do right now,
but you can talk to my
Aunt Lily if you like. Fine.
Aunt Lily?
Aunt Lily, I'd like
you to meet Mr. Leo
Durocher. He'd like to
talk to Uncle Herman.
- Oh, how do you do, sir?
- How do you do?
I'd like to talk to your
husband on business.
I'm sure he'd be glad to arrange
everything in advance for you.
It's always nice to know where
you're going before you go.
Well, I'm not going
anywhere. I'm in baseball.
Oh, I see. Well,
my husband's busy,
but perhaps you could
talk to my father first.
I'll call him.
Grandpa! Grandpa!
[expl*si*n]
Did you call, Lily?
Grandpa, this is Mr. Dur...
Mr. Durocher?
Mr. Durocher?
Oh.
[Chuckles] Leo Durocher!
You could have knocked
me over with a tombstone.
How do you do? It's a pleasure.
You're one of the greatest
sports figures in the last years.
Thanks, but I'm not that old.
I guess it won't hurt
to disturb Herman.
Marilyn, would you call him?
Oh, well, certainly, Aunt Lily.
Uncle Herman, there's
someone up here to see you!
Ya big dummy! Look what ya did.
That's Leo Durocher.
You scared him. Me?
In that black suit, he must have
thought you were an umpire.
Leo? Leo?
Wake up. Wake up!
I hope he's all right. I don't like the
way the color's coming back into his face.
He was safe by a
mile! Don't tell me!
Oh.
Take it easy, Mr. Durocher.
You're among friends.
You gotta be kiddin'.
No, no, Mr. Durocher.
This is my son-in-law, Herman
Munster, the one you came to see.
Were you at the park this
morning hitting some baseballs?
That's right. I was knocking
out a couple for my boy.
One of 'em hit me on the
head eight blocks away.
Oh, you poor man.
That explains why...
you acted so strangely
when you came in.
Listen, Mr. Durocher,
if you plan to sue,
I can dig up witnesses to
prove we never left Transylvania.
No, no, no. I have a business
proposition for Mr. Munster.
And I wonder if I
could talk to you alone.
Certainly. Uh, would
you excuse us?
Of course, dear.
In case you need me,
Herman, just give me a howl.
[Whispering] I wonder what the
business proposition is, Aunt Lily.
I don't know, but the last time
a man talked to Herman alone,
he wound up buying
a secondhand Edsel.
Say, uh, Herman, have you
ever played baseball before?
Uh, baseball? Yeah.
Well, I've, uh... I've fooled
around a little with the game.
I, uh, played a
little second base.
Well, I can see that's where
you made your mistake. Hmm?
Well, you know when that runner's on
first coming down into second base...
to break up the double play?
You've gotta keep your face
outta the way of those spikes.
Oh, right. I'll try
to remember that.
Uh-huh. I'll say one thing, boy.
You're really built. You're
put together like a ballplayer.
Oh. Well, thank you.
That wasn't the plan.
I just came out that way.
Herman? Hmm?
Does Mr. Durocher really think
you could be a big baseball player?
That's right, Lily. I'm going down to the
baseball park this morning and try out.
He says I've got it
in the bag. [Laughing]
Oh, boy, my dad playing for the
Dodgers. Wait till I tell the other kids.
You know, that's great, Herman.
There's big money in baseball.
Oh, it's not just the
money, Grandpa.
What I'm looking forward
to is the fringe benefits.
I'll be able to endorse breakfast
foods and shave on television.
And I'll be able to sit in the
audience on the Ed Sullivan Show...
and have him mispronounce
my name and everything.
But, Uncle Herman, what about
your job at the parlor and your career?
Yes, Herman. Mr. Gateman has
great plans for you down there.
And he's so proud of you, and the
way you carry your share of the load.
That's true, dear.
Uh, that's very true.
But right now,
Herman Munster
is at the crossroads.
Should I struggle
along at an old job...
for the promise of
security in the future?
Or should I grasp
time by the forelock,
and, on that great merry-go-round
of life, try for the brass ring?
Translation...
The big ham thinks
he can play baseball.
[Cackling]
You can scoff if you
wanna, Grandpa,
but when I go down to
that ballpark this morning,
it's gonna be one, two,
three strikes, you're out.
Hello? Mr. Gateman?
This is Mrs. Herman Munster.
How are you? Oh, good.
Oh, yes, I'm fine. Thank
you. Enjoying perfect health.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to get
your day off to a bad start.
I'm calling for my
husband, Herman.
He won't be able to get
into the parlor today for work.
No, no, he's not sick.
He has an appointment
downtown with a Mr. Leo Durocher.
No, Mr. Durocher's
not sick either.
But Herman will be glad to
give him one of your cards.
Yes. Yes, I hope... I hope Herman
will be able to come in tomorrow.
Good-bye. Oh!
Please give Mrs.
Gateman my regards.
The last time I saw her
she looked so natural.
Hey, Leo. Where's this great
prospect you were telling me about?
He's in the clubhouse
getting his uniform
on. He'll be right out.
Hey, what's he like?
Well, he's no matinee idol.
You know, it's the whole
family, it's a weird setup.
They all look like a bunch of
w*tbacks from the Petrified Forest.
Boy, Pop, you sure look
neat in that new outfit.
Oh, thank you, son. Oh, boy.
Your old man's gonna
be a big-league star.
[Explosions]
Take it easy, Pop. The other
guys will think you're a crackup.
- Good morning, Mr. Durocher.
- Hiya, Herm.
Who is... What is this?
Uh, this is my son.
Edward Wolfgang Munster.
Oh. I can see the
family resemblance.
How do you do?
It's very nice of you to give my
father this wonderful opportunity.
Oh, that's nothing. It's fine.
I want you to meet a friend of
mine, Charlie Hodges, a reporter.
- How do you do?
- How do you do, Mr. Munster?
Come on, Herman.
Hold it, Bill. You've
had enough for a while.
Let Herman here. Herman, grab a
bat there and let's see you hit a couple.
Well, I'll give it
the old school try.
[Laughing]
Good morning.
Hi.
Uh, oops-a-daisy. [Laughs]
Well, don't worry about that,
Herman. It happens to the best of them.
Here, try this one.
Thank you.
Uh, time!
What's the matter?
Where do you want it?
Where do I want it? Why don't you
try and hit it over the center field fence.
Got you.
That-a-boy, Pop!
I don't believe it!
[Eddie] Hit a grounder, Pop!
[Ball Rocketing]
Bingo!
I never saw anything like it.
I don't know whether to sign him with
the Dodgers or send him to Vietnam.
Grandpa, lunch.
What are we having?
Bird's nest soup.
It's my favorite. [Chirping]
Well, I can always
scramble an egg.
Lily, I wanna show you this
new baseball I invented in my lab.
Oh, Grandpa, I don't wanna
hear anything about baseball.
But, Lily, you've
gotta see this.
This automatically
makes every pitch a curve.
Now, watch this here.
You ready?
[Ball Soaring]
Ooh!
Well, I ask you,
is that a curve
or is that a curve?
I think this whole
thing is ridiculous.
Imagine Herman, a grown
man of years old...
playing baseball with
young men of and .
Hey, Herman. Excuse
me, Mr. Durocher.
I'm signing
autographs for my fans.
Hey, Dad, this guy wants one
for Don Drysdale. There you go.
All right, Leo, I'll admit he's
the greatest hitter I've ever seen,
but what if he's
all hit and no field?
Well, I've been thinking of
that, and I'll check on it right now.
Let's break it up, fellas.
Come on. Let's play ball.
Here you go. Let
me have that glove.
Herman, let's see how
you play center field.
Huh? How are you with flies?
Well, to tell you the truth, they
bother me a little in the hot weather.
I mean catching flies!
Oh! Oh. Uh, don't you
worry, Mr. Durocher.
I'll be right on the ball.
Oh, here. Go ahead
out there. Go ahead. Oh.
Hey, will you hit a few fly
balls to Herman in center field?
He's gonna run into the fence!
I knew it was too good to last.
[Crashing]
That-a-boy, Pop!
Did you see that?
Now they tell me you can play
second base. I saw you in center field.
All right, now there's a man
on first base. There's one out.
The batter's gonna
hit the ball to you.
I want you to step
on second base,
then relay the ball to first base to
complete the double play, okay?
Gotcha. Yeah, but wait a
minute. That runner on first base...
is gonna try to knock you down or
knock you over to take you out of the play.
So be alive. Gotcha.
Oh... Okay, g*ng,
let's talk it up out here!
Let's get the old pepper goin'!
Take him out of there now,
Jim. Knock him down if you can.
[Bat Striking Ball]
[Stammering]
- Uh, what do I do now?
- Throw it home!
No, no, no! Hold it! No,
no, no. I quit, Leo. No!
I'm going back to the minors.
Uh, here you go. [Man] No!
Darn, Mr. Durocher!
Nobody wants to play with me!
Darn, darn, darn, darn!
Oh, I knew it.
Lily! Lily! Marilyn!
Look, look! [Laughs]
Look, it's right here in the
afternoon paper. Look at this.
"Durocher keeps mystery
prospect under wraps.
"Tryout reported held
today with Herman Munster.
Said to be the greatest long-ball
hitter in the history of the game!"
Oh, boy! Herman's got it made!
We'll all be rich!
Oh! Well, why are you
so against it, Aunt Lily?
Well, for one thing, I wouldn't
want my sweet pussycat...
to be a star and get a big head.
But, Lily, you
can't hold him back.
He's no longer plain
Herman Munster.
Your pussycat now belongs
to the world. [Door Closes]
Herman! Herman,
congratulations. [Cackles]
Where's the contract,
huh? When do you start?
How 'bout spring training?
Does it start early, huh?
I don't have a contract.
[Shouts] What?
I don't start anywhere. What?
They don't want me.
We almost made it. Pop was signing
autographs for Don Drysdale and everything.
Then Mr. Durocher made a
phone call and told us to go home.
Well, what happened,
Uncle Herman?
Well, Mr. Durocher called Mr. O'Malley
of the Dodgers and told him what I did,
and then he hung up
with a long look on his face.
Yeah, he said the way
Pop batted the ball around...
and knocked over the scoreboard
and everything, he'd ruin the field.
Mr. O'Malley said it
would cost him $ , ...
to put the Dodger Stadium
back in shape every time I played.
Ooh, what a catastrophe!
And they said the
insurance companies wouldn't
allow the players on
the same field with me.
Herman, I didn't
want you to do it,
but just the same, I know
how badly you must feel.
You know, Lily, I'm
all washed up in sports.
I'm a has-been.
Oh, don't worry, Pop.
You can always play
baseball with me in the park.
- Thank you, Eddie.
- Yes, Uncle Herman.
And I need you around to
help me do my homework.
- Thank you, Marilyn.
- And, Herman,
don't feel badly on my account.
So I won't make a million
dollars sponging off you.
I can learn to live with it.
Thank you, Grandpa.
That's very touching.
Herman, you must realize...
how much we all
love you and need you,
each in our own way.
And I, most of all.
[Sniffles] Thank you, Lily.
Now look what you've
gone and made me do.
I haven't cried like this since they
canceled Kukla, Fran and Ollie.
[Sobbing]
Grandpa, are you down here?
I'm in here watching television!
[Man Chattering On TV]
Where's Herman and
Eddie? They went to the park.
Oh, not baseball again.
No, I think they took the
football with them this time.
Herman's always
been great at sports.
Remember back in Transylvania
when he was a cross-country runner?
Oh, he had quite a following.
Crowds used to run after
him yelling and screaming.
What are you watching?
[Grandpa] It's a cooking show.
They're gonna give a recipe
for an upside-down cake.
Uh, , , , , ,
uh, uh, uh, , .
Hup!
Thanks very much for the lunch.
It was very enjoyable, Charlie.
Elroy, as general
manager of the Rams,
I suppose you look
forward to a real top season.
Yes, I think we're strong
in every department.
But I'm a little worried about our
punting. [Ball Descending Rapidly]
I got you. Elroy,
are you all right?
Yeah, I'm all right, but...
tell me, is there a
football field around here?
No. The closest one
is eight blocks away.
Eight blocks? I think I might have
the answer to our kicking problem.
Mr. Hirsch! Take my advice.
Forget it... if you don't wanna
wind up going out of your skull.