[Announcer] And our fourth-prize
winner here in our local contest is...
Bessie June Rassmussen
of Apple Valley.
Hmph. I knew it wouldn't
be me. ♪♪ [Fanfare]
The only thing I ever won were
those free facials down at Antoine's.
Our third-prize winner is...
Harry Jerome of Maple Drive.
Harry Jerome. Why don't you tell everybody
he's the sponsor's nephew! ♪♪ [Fanfare]
And for our second prize,
our second-prize winner...
is Wilma Winninger
of Hesby Avenue.
Hesby Avenue? T-That's
clear across town.
Politics! Politics!
♪♪ [Fanfare]
And our first-prize winner...
goes to a lucky person right
here in Mockingbird Heights.
It's worth $ , .
And the first-prize
winner is Mr. Herman...
Go ahead and say it.
Mr. Herman Overholtzer.
Mr. Herman Flork.
- Mr. Herman Munster.
- Graft! Graft!
Graft! You hear me? G...
Wait a minute. It's me! It's me!
[Yelling] It's me!
I'm Herman Munster!
I'm... Hi! I'm Herman Munster!
I won a prize worth $ , !
Lily, Grandpa! Everybody
come in quick! What's the matter?
What's up, Herman? What is
it? The contest on TV! I won!
I won! I won! I won! I won!
I won! I won! I won!
Where are you going, Grandpa?
Where am I going? Down in the dungeon.
I wanna find out what Herman's
talking about. He'll be there any minute.
Uncle Herman, you can't
keep us in suspense any longer.
Come on, Pop. Tell us
about the neat prize you won.
All right. All right. All right.
The Munsters... mind
you, the entire family...
Has won a membership to the
Mockingbird Heights Country Club.
Whoopee! [Excited Chatter]
Oh, that club is so exclusive.
Why, you know you have to wait for
one of the members to pass away...
before you can even be
considered for membership.
I know. That's
what's so wonderful.
Once we're in, we
can stay forever.
As far as I can recall, no member of
my family ever passed away for good.
You know something, I think
I'm gonna take up golf. [Laughs]
Only I'm not sure about
being out in the sun
too much. I'd hate to
lose my parlor pallor.
You know, Lily, I'm
going to love it. [Chuckles]
It's gonna give me a chance to
mingle with some real blue bloods.
Well, Grandpa, if you do, just don't
put the bite on them right off the bat.
I have a letter here from
the local television station.
They have a winner for that
club membership we donated.
I was against that
from the beginning.
This is an exclusive
club and awarding a
membership through a
contest is very undignified.
I'm sorry, Petrie, but I'm
inclined to agree with Reggie.
A thing like this can give us a more
popular image with the community.
I'll go along with it because
I seem to be outnumbered.
But who are these
contest winners?
It's a Mr. and Mrs. Herman Munster
and family of Mockingbird Lane.
Well, we have a luncheon and
fashion show coming up this week.
We can invite Mrs. Munster to that and
send Munster a guest card to play golf.
That way, we can get
a close look at them...
see if they measure
up to our standards.
You know, Grandpa? I
bet it would even shake up
Arnold Palmer to see
me on the putting green.
[Both Laugh] You're
good all right, Herman.
You know the last time I saw a swing like
that was when they hung my Uncle George.
Herman! Grandpa! Uh, Lily.
Lily, dear. Please. I'm sh**ting.
Herman, guess what the
mailman just dropped and ran?
My new Bugs Bunny cartoon book?
It's a letter from the Mockingbird
Heights Country Club.
They're inviting me to a luncheon, and
they sent you a guest card to play golf.
Oh. You know, Lily,
that's a very good idea.
It'll give us a chance
to look over the club and
see if the people measure
up to our standards.
We'll have to dress
to the occasion.
Um, I think I'll wear my
new Transylvanian original.
You know, the one with
the-the lovely shroud.
Old Hermie, the pro. [Laughs]
Fore!
Grandpa, where did the ball go?
What do you know
about that? A hole in one.
From the turnout today, I think this is
going to be our most successful luncheon.
Two of the Munsters have
accepted our invitation,
so this will give us a good
chance to look them over.
I'm still not sold on this idea of
awarding a membership through a contest.
It's the duty of this
committee to see to it that only
the right sort of people
are admitted to the club.
Excuse me, where are
they having the luncheon?
- It's in the main grill.
- Thank you.
And that's another area this
committee should take up.
Every time Charley
Hinshaw gets a snootful,
he dresses up in
those ridiculous outfits.
That was the wildest one yet.
Lily, the man said that the
luncheon is in the grill room.
Grandpa, this place is
depressingly cheerful.
But I suppose this modern
decor is what they go in for.
. , Sally's Togs Shop.
My the people are friendly here.
She told a perfect stranger where
she got her dress and how much it cost.
Yes, b-but I don't
care for that style.
I wouldn't want you to be
seen dead in a dress like that.
You're right, Grandpa.
I'll make a point not to.
Never mind, Lily. Shall
we, uh, have a libation?
Hi, folks. A little early for a
masquerade party, isn't it?
Sure is. [All Laugh]
Oh, you club
people are so jolly.
This is simple chiffon from
the Paris Collection, . .
Now that dress is more like it. When I
used to fly around in the Old Country,
I always found a high
neckline a challenge.
I think it's sweet the way the women
around here confide in each other.
I think I'll float around a
bit and get acquainted.
This is simple chiffon from
the Paris Collection, . .
This ensemble has a cape
made of tufted coffin lining...
in a lovely shade
of cemetery green.
This little number
was very inexpensive.
The fabric is made
of black widow's webs.
And the underslip,
pure, unborn centipede.
Now, my friend, this is all very
simple. I'll show it to you again.
Now all you have to do is guess
under which nut the spider is hiding.
Of course, if you don't
guess the first time...
Grandpa, I showed the
ladies my dress and...
Oh, good, you're showing
the bartender the shell game.
Don't win too much,
Grandpa. [Both Laugh]
Hey, that's not Charley
Hinshaw. Who are those people?
Those are the
Munsters. Good heavens!
He's gambling
with the bartender.
She's gotten herself so stoned,
she's joining the fashion show.
You still want those
contest winners in our club?
Petrie, I'm afraid I'll
have to agree with you.
But I'll tell you something, when
that Mr. Munster shows up to play golf,
if he doesn't turn
out to be our idea of a
human being, I'll throw
them out personally.
Aunt Lily, do you mean the people were
actually rude to you at the country club?
Yes. When we first went
in, everything was fine.
But, suddenly, I had a feeling we
weren't wanted. That's right, Marilyn.
There I was playing my shell game
with the bartender, when all of a sudden,
some guy in a dark suit came by,
scooped up my shells and led me outside.
He said they-they didn't
allow nuts in the club.
It must be some kind of a rule
of the department of agriculture.
I was going around showing off my dress,
when one woman came up to me and said,
"Why don't you go home
and sleep it off, dearie."
I tell you, Marilyn. We
might just as well face it.
Those people at the country
club are just not our kind of people.
Oh, what a shame. If Uncle Herman
went down there and got insulted...
Why, he's so sensitive,
he'd go all to pieces inside.
Oh, that would never do. The last
time that happened, he rattled for a week.
I guess we'll just have
to tell Herman that it won't
work out. That we don't
want to join a club like that.
We're home from the golf
store. Yoo-hoo! We're home.
Well, how do you like it?
The man at the store
said this is what Ken
Venturi wore when he
won the National Open.
We're going to play tomorrow,
and I'm going to caddy.
I bet everybody will follow
us all over the course.
Oh boy, now I know how the
Prince of Wales used to feel.
[Electricity Crackling]
That's fine, Prince. You better
start feeling like a peasant again.
Hmm? Grandpa.
What's he talking about?
Uh, well, Herman, um,
what would you say if we, uh...
Well, if we decided not
to join the country club?
Not join?
What do you mean "not join"?
Lily, I won that membership
fair and square, and if
I didn't join the club, it
would crush my spirit.
And I don't want
my spirit crushed.
Oh.
But I was thinking that I'd
probably scare the boys away...
just as much at the
country club as I do here.
- So I don't care if we join or not.
- You don't?
- No.
- And I'd probably get to like...
the luncheons and the
teas and the cocktail parties,
and I'd start coming home late
and serving you TV dinners...
and neglecting my family.
You know, all those little niceties
that are part of country club living.
A-And Herman, I don't wanna join the club
because there's no one there of my class.
After all, Herman, you
know I'm a full-blooded count.
And the closest thing they have to royalty
there is the bartender, "Duke" Fineberg.
You know, I've suddenly
realized something.
[All] You do?
Yes.
You know what you've
made me realize? What?
That you don't give
a hoot what I want.
What does a man
work for all his life?
A little feeling of
respectability and-and success.
Well, that's what joining
the club would give me.
And that's what I want and
I'm gonna have it. You hear me?
That's what I want and I'm
gonna have it! I'm gonna have it!
[Loud Thud] I'm gonna have it!
I'm gonna have it! I'm gonna have it!
Excuse me, Lily, while I continue this
conversation with Herman in the dungeon.
"Dear Lily, Eddie and I
have gone to the country club.
Will play a round of golf before
work. Signed, Arnie Munster."
Look at the time.
It's : a.m. Half
the day is gone.
That course will
probably be jammed.
Oh, dear. I just hate the
thought of all those rude
people staring at Uncle
Herman when he tees off.
"Par five, yards."
Hmm. Short one.
Pop? Hmm?
Do you wanna pick a
club? Oh. Good idea, son.
Uh, eenie-meenie-minie-mo.
What am I doing?
Eight's my lucky number.
Eight iron, caddy. [Chuckles]
There you are. Thank you.
Oh. Now isn't that nice of 'em.
They left us two practice balls.
Now, the first thing you do,
Eddie, is to address the ball.
Hello, ball. [Laughs]
[Stammers] That's a joke, Eddie.
Oh. Sorry. [Imitates
Herman's Laugh]
Now, Eddie, the
hole's right down there.
Keep your eye on the
ball like a good caddy.
Hmm. You know, those practice balls are
nice and big, but they're made very badly.
Give me one of our small ones.
Thank you, son. Now.
- Ready?
- Ready.
Hey, Dad? Hmm?
It's in the rough. Darn!
On the third hole,
, yards away.
[Grumbling]
I think you over clubbed
yourself. I think you're right.
But, as they say in golf, Eddie,
you gotta play 'em
where you hit 'em. Yeah.
Come on. We'll ride
down to the ball. Okay.
[Loud Bang]
Why do they call
it the rough, Pop?
[Groans] That's
one of the reasons.
[Blows]
[Loud Bang]
I think I made the trap.
[Laughs] Come on, Eddie.
Hit it, Pop! Hit it!
Now, Eddie, this is a very important
sh*t. Getting out of the sand.
Now watch closely.
Watch the sand.
Watch the sand, Pop.
Eddie! Eddie!
[Stammering] I made it! I
made it! I made it! I made it!
I'm out and I'm pin high.
Eddie? Eddie.
Eddie, where are
you, son? Eddie?
Pop, you made the green!
How about that? How about that?
You know, Eddie? I never
knew golf was such a fun game.
Come on, son.
Oh. Oopsy-daisy.
Oopsy-daisy.
Well, that's what you get
when you putt against the wind.
[Clicks Tongue] Just as I thought.
I've been putting against the grain.
[Excited Laughter]
I made it! I made it! I made it!
I made it! I made it! I made it!
I made it! I made it!
I made it! I made it!
I made it! I made
it! I made it! [Laughs]
Come on, Pop. Let's
go to the next tee.
Be right with you, Eddie.
[Grunting]
Come on, Pop. I got your ball.
I'm coming, Eddie.
What a great game!
And to think, when I'm a
member, I'll be doing this every day.
I just hope those rude
people didn't embarrass
Herman when he tried
to play golf this morning.
Lily, there's no two ways about it.
That country club is just not for us.
When Herman gets home from work, I'm sure
he'll tell us he's decided the same thing.
And we all thought it was so
great when he won that contest.
[Door Creaks Open and Closes]
Hi, everybody. Hello, dear.
Sweetie, about
the country club...
Lily, please don't
mention that country club.
It's just too sad
to think about.
You're right, Herman. Grandpa!
Read the afternoon paper.
"Fiend desecrates golf
course in early morning.
"Inhuman footprints were
found this morning on putting
greens at the Mockingbird
Heights Country Club.
"Enormous gouges taken
from turf and course flooded.
Greenskeeper is
in a state of shock."
- Herman, what does this mean?
- What does it mean?
It means that we are not
gonna join the country club.
I will not jeopardize
the safety of my family...
at a country club where some
madman is allowed to run loose.
That's right. That club is
just no good all-around.
My letter of disapproval
is already in the mail.
I've turned down that
membership I won.
It's a shame we have
to forfeit a $ , prize.
Well, as far as the money's
concerned, I told the club...
that they could use
that money to repair the
damage to the course
caused by that madman.
It's just lucky you
didn't run into that fiend
this morning when
you were playing there.
[Gasps] Lily, don't
say such a thing, dear.
If I ever came face-to-face with a
frightening, horrible creature like that,
it'd scare me out of a
hundred years' growth.
Now, Herman... [Gasps]
Really, Herman. After all the trouble
we've had with that country club,
haven't you had enough of golf?
[Loud Crash] Someday, I may
find a golf club worth joining.
And it won't hurt if I keep
up with my chip sh*ts.
Grandpa? Uh, did you
see where-where the ball...
Oh, I'm... Grandpa... Herman,
would you do me a favor?
Certainly, Grandpa.
Don't ever take up bowling!
Oh.
[Laughs]