Lily, Grandpa, Marilyn?
Daddy's home.
Oh! Hello, dear.
My, you look happy today.
I am happy, Lily,
because, as we say
down at the parlor,
this has been a very
monumental day.
Has something happened,
Uncle Herman?
Yes, Marilyn.
I have some wonderful news!
Uh, where's Grandpa?
Here I am, Herman.
I was down in the dungeon...
helping Eddie
fix his train set.
Oh.
[Train Whistle Blowing,
Bell Clanging]
Sounds as though
you got it fixed.
Well, Herman, don't keep us
hanging in midair.
What's your wonderful news?
Well, it's vacation time again,
and I have purchased
a beautiful hideaway...
where we can all relax
and enjoy our leisure moments.
Translation: Somebody stuck him
with a piece of junk.
No such thing.
I bought acres
in Happy Holiday Valley
through an ad in a magazine.
You bought acres by mail?
You see here?
With the purchase
of any homesite,
we get the use of their
wonderful recreational facilities,
excellent transportation,
and it's smog-free.
That means you don't
have to pay for it.
Uh, plenty of water.
Close to schools...
Oh, Herman,
it sounds wonderful.
"For family fun and relaxation,
come to Happy Holiday Valley."
Even I'll have to admit,
that sounds like
the kind of place...
I'd like to be found dead in.
[Marilyn]
Aunt Lily?
I'm ready to leave.
Is there anything
I can help you with?
No. I was just
pulling down the blinds,
so the house will look
gloomy and lived in
while we're gone.
Oh, we're all going to have
such a wonderful vacation.
I'll say!
Bring on the girls!
Now, you get back
in your clock!
When is that silly bird
going to get girls off his mind?
Nevermore, nevermore.
Get!
Well, I guess everything's ready.
Good-bye, Spot!
[Roaring]
Mom, wouldn't it be better
if we left Spot in the garage?
Oh, no, Eddie. No.
Last time we did,
he drank all the gasoline
out of the power mower.
And then he got the hiccups and melted
all the wrought-iron furniture.
Are you ready
to leave, Grandpa?
Just a minute.
All set?
[Man Screaming]
All set.
Herman?
Herman, where are you?
[Herman]
I'll be right with you, Lily.
I'm, uh talking to
the real estate office
that handles our property,
and I'm letting him know
that we're coming up
to Happy Valley.
That's right.
This is Herman Munster.
I bought acres from your ad.
It-It was in that magazine,
the Jujitsu Annual.
Ah, yes. One of our
many satisfied customers.
Who is it?
That Munster character...
the one that fell for our ad
in that crummy magazine.
Uh, yes, Mr. Munster.
What can I do for you?
Well, Mr. Walters, I thought I'd take
the family out for a spin today
to see our property.
Uh, sir,
do I understand you to say...
you are going up to
Happy Holiday Valley?
That's right.
We plan to take advantage...
of your excellent recreational facilities,
your wonderful transportation
and your marvelous...
Uh, sir, uh, when are you
planning to go?
- Today.
- Today?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello, hello?
Hmm.
Must have been cut off.
I hope he doesn't think
I hung up on him. He sounded
like such a pleasant fellow.
Oh, well.
Well, it's on to
Happy Holiday Valley.
[Cap Pistols Popping]
Well, here we are...
Happy Holiday Valley.
You know, Herman,
I had heard that these
real estate brochures
were inclined to exaggerate.
But this is more beautiful
than they described it.
Oh, it's just... it's just
absolutely breathtaking.
Uh, just as advertised.
There are the superb
transportation facilities.
Oh, and look!
Plenty of water!
Mmm. Nice and soft.
Not like the hard water at home.
And look!
There's a playground for kids!
Ooh! And here are the excellent...
entertainment
and recreational facilities.
Well, I must say...
Hmph!
You know, this is a real
swinging place.!
It appears that it was fortunate
running into you gentlemen.
Yes, it certainly was.
As I understand it, Mr. Curtis,
you represent, uh,
Cunningham Aeronautics.
We were happy to cancel
our quick trip to Mexico
to talk to you.
Good. Now, then.
We have plans
to use that area...
in and around your
Happy Holiday Valley property...
as a m*ssile site.
I'm here to make you
a flat offer of $ ,
for the entire piece of land.
- It's a deal.
- Barney...
The man offered
$ , , partner.
I'm sure you will
go along with me.
Yes, Barney.
Fine.
This is our initial proposal.
I'll be back
first thing in the morning
to finalize the deal.
Good. We'll see you then.
Good day.
Good day.
Barney, we don't own
all of Happy Holiday Valley.
We unloaded some of it
to that Munster character.
Gil, baby, Munster's going up
to look at the property
today, right?
Right.
Okay.
So he takes one look
at that hunk of junk he bought,
we offer to refund his two grand,
which he takes back like that,
and we're in the clear
for the Cunningham deal.
Yes, but, uh,
do you think it'll work?
Look. Anyone who falls
for an ad like ours
has got to be a sucker.
This Munster sounds like
a real live one.
A real live one.
Golly. I haven't had a bite
since we've been here.
Patience, Eddie. Patience.
But, gee, wouldn't it be better
if we fished in a stream
with water in it?
Eddie, anyone can fish
in a stream with water in it.
This is a challenge...
the kind of challenge
the youth of today
is so badly in need of.
I got one.
I got one! I got one!
Play him, Grandpa!
Play him!
- [Eddie]
Don't let him get away.!
- Oh, boy. This is a whopper!
Stay with him, Grandpa!
Here he comes.
[Herman]
Oh, oh!
Isn't he a lovely one!
[Grandpa Laughing]
Isn't that a beauty?
Well, I for one am not
gonna be out-fished.
Well, the bait's still good.
[Reel Whirring]
Oh, dear me.
I'm afraid I've damaged
the recreational facilities.
Uh, pardon us.
We're looking for a Mr. Munster.
Well, I'm his niece, Marilyn.
He's not here right now.
Uh, perhaps you'd like to
talk with my Aunt Lily.
She's fixing supper.
Aunt Lily!
Uh, good day, Mrs. Munster.
I'm Mr. Walters, and this is
my partner, Mr. Crane.
We, uh, sold you folks
the property.
No!
You mean, you sold us
this property?
Uh, yes.
But put that down.
v*olence'll get you no place.
Oh! I was just stirring up
some oxtail soup.
Oh, I can't tell you
how much we love this place.
- You love this place?
- Mmm.
It's beautiful.
Isn't it, Marilyn?
Oh, it's lovely.
Uh, look, madam, I think
there's something you should know.
Uh, this is nothing
but a ghost town.
A ghost town!
Isn't that wonderful, Marilyn?
Maybe we'll have company
dropping in on us
over the weekend.
[Mooing]
Oh. Excuse us a minute.
My oxtail soup
is getting restless.
What do you think?
Maybe they heard about
the Cunningham m*ssile deal,
and they're just trying
to boost the price up.
That's right. I'll offer them
double their money back.
- Now, you were saying?
- I'll get right down
to cases, Mrs. Munster.
We're ready to pay you
double your money
if you'll sell us the property back.
Oh, my, no.
We're all so crazy about it,
and I'm sure my husband
wouldn't sell it at any price.
Good day, gentlemen.
Come on, Gil.
I got another angle.
Uh, thank you
for your time, madame.
And thank you
for your flattering offer.
But you understand.
It's so hard to find a good
vacation spot since they
closed down Devil's Island.
Yes. Well, uh, good-bye.
You said you had an angle,
Barney. What was it?
Get in.
Look. We can't buy
the place back,
so we'll scare 'em off, see?
This is a ghost town, right?
Right.
So tomorrow night,
we'll turn it into
a real ghost town.
Now, these Munsters are going
to be nervous anyway,
spending their first night
in this dump.
Wait till they hear
strange voices and screams
and the whole works.
They'll go out of their skulls,
and tomorrow they'll be begging us
to take the place back.
Barney, that's a $ , idea.
Here we are.
[Chuckles]
How does it look?
Oh, Grandpa!
That's lovely.
Just what the room needed.
Eddie, it's almost time
for you to go to bed.
When are you and your father
going to be through with the comics?
Just a second, Mom.
"And then the mechanical men
disintegrated all the spider people,
"and they disappeared
in a ball of flame.
Ooh!
"Once again,
good had triumphed...
over the forces of evil
from outer space."
Oh, boy, Eddie.
Uh, that was a good one.
Uh, read me another one.
I can't now, Pop.
I have to go to bed.
Oh, darn, darn! Lily?
- Just one more?
- No, Herman.
Eddie has to get to bed.
Could I have my cowboy outfit
back now, Pop?
I'm not though playing
with it yet, Eddie.
All right. Good night, Pop.
Good night, son.
[Cowboy Accent]
Bartender?
See what the boys
in the back room will have.
Herman, will you stop
playing cowboy...
and go outside and get
some wood for the fire?
Right away, dear.
Reach for the ceiling!
JesseJames!
Hmm. And it looks
so easy on television.
Herman. The firewood.
Yes, Lily.
Oh! Some daughters marry doctors.
Some daughters marry dentists.
You had to marry Henny Youngman.
Never mind, Grandpa.
Oh, there's some!
[Chuckling]
I think Herman's found some wood.
Don't you just love
to watch a fire?
Lily,
I've seen Chicago, San Francisco
and the burning of Rome.
You've seen one,
you've seen 'em all!
Uh, here's the wood, Lily.
[Chuckles]
[Lily] Ooh.!
Where'd you get
all the wood, Herman?
I had to break up
a building, dear.
I do hope there was
no one in it.
Oh, Lily, I've been thinking
about those two men.
You said they were so anxious
to buy this property back.
I wonder why.
Oh, it's very simple, dear.
They probably realized...
what a paradise
it really is here.
[Chuckling]
Gil, we'll have these Munsters
running in no time.
Yeah, we'll really scare 'em.
What's the matter?
That.
"d*ed June . '"
There's a story going around...
that Big Billy comes back every year
and really spooks this place.
And today is June .
You big dummy. That's just
a story made up for the tourists...
to give the place
some glamour.
I'm glad it's just a story,
because the last guy...
I want to run into tonight
is Big Billy.
Well, I think I'll toddle
upstairs to bed.
Good night, pussycat.
Good night, dear.
I'll be right up.
[Yawning]
What a great place
for a vacation.
You know, this reminds me
of the places I used to haunt
in the Old Country.
We used to sit around
the fireplace just like this
and talk to our relatives,
some of whom we hadn't seen
in hundreds of years.
Oh, yes.
Hardly a night went by...
when someone didn't try
to get in touch with us.
I remember...
[Thumping]
Wh... What was that?
Grandpa,
someone's trying to get
in touch with us.
Yep.
It's my no-good Cousin Humphrey.
I'd recognize his knock anywhere.
- Grandpa, aren't you going
to answer him?
- Not me.
We haven't spoken
since he stole my aspirin
during the Black Plague.
Hey, they're just ignoring us.
Yeah.
Here, this'll get 'em.
You got a dime?
?? [Discordant]
Listen to that Cousin Humphrey.
He always was a rotten piano player.
Knock it off, Humphrey.
?? [Continues]
I said, knock it off.
?? [Speeds Up]
Just our luck.
That no-good piano
conks out on us now.
Well, I'm not
gonna let Humphrey
spoil my evening.
Why don't we all
go to bed?
How do you like that?
They're going up to bed!
What are you doin'?
We'll let 'em get to sleep.
Then we'll give 'em
the real scare treatment.
Barney, don't do that!
Oh, cut it out!
It's just us!
Here. Get into this.
[Snoring]
[Thud]
Herman? Herman?
Yes, Captain Kangaroo,
I will brush my teeth
ev-every day.
Herman, wake up!
It's me!
Hmm? What? Hmm? Huh?
What's the matter, dear?
I heard a noise downstairs!
Hmm?
There it is again.
Mm-hmm.
That was a noise, all right.
Herman! Herman,
there's someone downstairs!
Now, you go right down there
and see who it is!
Oh, all right, dear,
if I have to.
What are you doing
with Eddie's hat and cap pistols?
Lily, you never know
what you might run into.
I saw a Western
on television once,
and Nick Adams
was prowling around.
[Door Opens]
Barney, somebody's comin'!
Good! Wait till
they get a load of us!
Hmm. Must be some other guests.
Well, howdy, partners.
Well, I'll be hanged.
[Laughing]
It's Big Billy!
Back from the dead!
[Shouting]
Sir? Sir?
Herman, what is it?
Hmm.
They were two guests,
but I guess they decided
not to stay.
Shame, too, 'cause they looked
like a couple of fun fellas.
[Train Whistle Blowing,
Bell Clanging]
Hi, Mom.
Grandpa got the train
working real neat now.
Hey, are we going
to Happy Valley again
for the next weekend?
[Sighs]
I'm afraid not, Eddie.
Your father has just sold
all the property up there.
But, gee, that was the only place
we ever went to...
that seemed like home.
Now, now, Eddie.
You must not question
your old dad's decision.
Uh, that's right, Eddie.
We sold that property
to a very nice firm...
Cunningham Aeronautics.
These kind people
are working on a m*ssile...
which, in time of trouble,
is gonna solve all our problems...
by blowing up the world.
Gee, Pop, if we can't go
to Happy Valley,
where will we spend
our vacations?
Eddie, that's, uh...
that's a very good question.
Eddie, we can always enjoy...
the peace and solitude...
of our own little nest
right here.
And as Frank Sinatra
has said...
on so many occasions,
be it ever so humble,
there's no place like home.
[Roaring]
[expl*si*n]
Yes, Eddie.
Give me a house
by the side of the road,
and I'll be a friend to man.
I thought Edgar Allan Poe
was a crackup.
Ooh!
[Squawks]