02x15 - Them's the Breaks, Kid

[bunniefuu]

[wind whistling]

All right.
Maybe it's this one.

[screams]

Safe!

Thanks, Eda.
That was definitely not the one.

[shudders]

What are you doing
out here?

I started going through
Philip Wittebane's diary again.

Since my trip
with Lilith,

I found that a lot
of his margin doodles

are actually
unfinished glyph combos.

I thought maybe they could help
with the portal door, but...

[rumbling]

[grunts]

...no luck.

Maybe it's
for the best.

I don't like that you're still
thinking about that creep.

I know.

I just miss my mom.

[grunts]

Let's take
a break, huh?

Maybe I could
tell you a story?

Like a backstory
kind of story?

Yes.

[Hooty hoots]

This is the story
of how I met

the coolest, baddest,
kick-buttiest, witch of all time.

Raine Whispers.

[Eda] Okay.
Titan's five humors.

[Lilith] Hmm.
Earth, Bone, Blood, Bile and, uh...

Ugh. I always forget
the last one.

- It's on the tip of my tongue. It's...
- It's... [hisses]

- Snakes?
- Breath! [exhales]

[laughs]
Eda, you have smilk breath. Gross.

Give me one more question.

All right, all right.
On Scaburary th,

the day Belos declared
the Isles an Empire...

Think fast!

Eda.

We don't have time
to play around.

Tryouts for the Emperor's Coven
are just around the corner.

[snorts] Seven months
isn't "just around the corner."

Your turn.

It's a half-moon,
and you're mixing a Leadfoot potion.

What ratio of Blackroot Quills
to Iron Ash do you use?

Is it a waning
or waxing moon?

Oh, uh,
I-I don't think that matters.

Yeah, sure it does!

I-If it's a waxing moon,
it's a -to- mix,

but if it's a waning,
the Blackroot Quills lose their umph,

and you gotta double down
to a -to- .

You're correct.

On both accounts.
Huh.

Imagine us both getting in.

We'll train together.

We'll prank together.

We'll study
ancient history together.

We'll kick butt together!

Help demons
and witches together!

Take over
the world together!

Nothing can stop
the Clawthorne sisters!

Our rivals shall be crushed
beneath our feet!

Even the Titan
shall gasp in fear!

[gasps]

Yeah, like that.

No! Look!
We're gonna be late!

[bell tolls]
[gasps]

[both panting]

[chattering]

[laughing]

See,
we're gonna be fine.

[bell rings]

[gasping]

[claw scratches]

Detention. Detention.

Suspension.

Principal Faust.

Don't you think you're
judging these students a touch harshly?

Not at all.

These students
are already late to being early,

and that's
a slippery slope.

But if you keep
expelling students,

we won't have
a graduating class.

[whimpers]

I'm just enforcing
school policy.

That you added to.

Y-You expelled
the captain of our Grudgby team

because his shoes didn't meet
your "appropriately squeaky" regulation.

Too squeaky?
A distraction.

Too quiet?
Can't hear them. Can't trust them.

Some students
are irredeemable.

None of them are
beyond redemption.

I would stake
my career on it.

[grunts]

What is that thing?
Ow! Ow! Ow!

- [gasps]
- [grunts] Ow!

[hums]

Hey, Fausty.
Vice Princey B.

[Faust]
Miss Clawthorne?

Do you know why
I keep you around?

My innate talents?
My unbeatable charm?

No.

Because to fight evil,
you must understand evil.

All your misdeeds, pranks, schemes,
they have given me insight

into the depravity that lurks
within the minds of children.

Wow, this is
really shocking.

I thought there'd be more.
Hmm.

You're close with your sister,
Lilith, I see.

Plan on trying out
for the Emperor's Coven together?

Commendable.

Yeah, I do kinda rule.

Too bad you'll be
ineligible when I expel you.

What? You can't do that!
I'll be separated from Lily!

Maybe you should have
thought of that

before you filled
the detention pit with green gelatin.

It was his birthday!
He liked it!

Please, Principal Faust,
I'll do anything.

[chuckles]

Uh, yes, sir?

No child is
beyond redemption.

Didn't you stake
your career on it?

[chuckles]

Every year...
[whimpering, screaming]

...Hexside participates
in a special training program

called Instructing Future
Witches of Tomorrow.

I attend with
our most gifted students

and we return with blue ribbons
as testament to my...

[clears throat]

...I mean our excellence.

Unfortunately...

You expelled our
most gifted student

for chewing too loudly
in the cafeteria.

[Faust]
Disgusting monster.

[exhales]
[neck cracks]

This year,
you can represent Hexside.

Bring back a blue ribbon,
and you can remain a student here.

Come back empty-handed,
and I will savor the expulsion.

Mmm.

[Faust] And you'll go with her!
[gasps]

If anything goes wrong,
I might have to find a new vice principal.

I can't believe
I agreed to this.

This will be fine,
perfectly fine.

You can go five minutes
without setting anything on fire, right?

[sighs] I know you have
a reputation around school,

but I just see
a talented young witch.

And I'll wager those stories
about you turning the school inside out

are just urban legends.

[chuckles]
That was a fun day.

Let's try this.

[squeaks]

This is
a stress toy.

Anytime you feel
the urge to cause chaos, just squeeze.

[squeaks]

Prepare yourself,
Edalyn.

The IFWOT is a battleground
of magic and skill.

Witches who successfully
complete these courses

have gone on to do
incredible things.

You will face some of
your greatest competition here.

Hmph.

[microphone feedback]
[groans]

Ugh.

[humming]

[snores]

Wow.
I grossly misjudged the tone here.

[rumbling]

Whoa. Oh, my gosh.
Wow.

Greetings,
students, educators.

My name is Terra Snapdragon,
Head Witch of the Plant Coven.

But today I'm head proctor
for the...

IFWOT?

Seriously?

[screams]

I'm here to
"Help Enhance Coven Know-how!"

Welcome to HECK!
[applause]

Oh, this is my first year hosting,
and I am thrilled.

Today, you little sweet peas
will go through your rigorous exercises

that will test your intelligence,
strength and creativity.

- Are you excited?
- [cheering]

Yeah!
I love tests!

Lovely.

Remember,
this won't be a bed of roses.

Only the best of the best
will be rewarded.

The failures will be
ground into mulch for my garden.

[crying]

[whispers]

Illegal?

Oh, we'll see about that,
won't we children?

Let the activities begin!

[cheering]

Huh?

Tell me, what makes
the covens strong?

Strength in numbers?
A dark pact?

Well, it is all of those things,
but it's also

trust.

Trust in our
fellow covenmates.

So, we'll begin
doing trust falls.

Any volunteers?

Sounds easy enough.

Very good,
very good.

And this will be
your partner.

Now, you close your eyes

and trust that
your covenmate will catch you.

Woo!

Ugh.

[thuds]
Huh?

[screaming]

Not again!
[sobs]

Ta-da!

I'm here all night,
folks.

Mm-mmm.

Mm-mmm-mmm.

I never should have
come here.

Blech!
Even the free junk is junk.

[chuckles] I don't know
who you are, but you are a riot.

Uh, no. I excel at functions
such as these.

Didn't you see how impressed everyone was
when I faked my death?

I even love
the horrid liquids they serve.

[laughs] Yeah, they always give us
the off-brand junk.

Let me
try something.

[whistles]

Don't worry.
I didn't spit in it.

[slurps] Whoa!

[slurps]

Hey, that's actually good.

How'd you change the flavor?

Little trick
I taught myself:

changing the chemistry
of a liquid with sound waves.

See?
Bard magic can be cool!

People just don't give it a sh*t!

[chortles]
All right, I get it.

If you whistle loud enough,
can you make all this less of a drag?

I wish.

This is my third time.

Always the same boring activities,
same boring faces.

[screams]

Till wittle ole me?

[laughs]
Yeah.

[Eda gasps]

How'd you get those?

Oh, these are
from last year.

Maybe if you stick with me,
I'll show you how to get one of your own.

All right.
I'm Eda Clawthorne.

Raine Whispers.

[huffs]

[whistle blows]

[clattering]

[bowling pins crash]

I wonder
what I'll get a ribbon for.

Strength? Wit?

Radiance?

You'll get one
for being a dingus.

Well you're gonna get one for...
Think fast!

Why do you come here?
You're not like the other kids.

You're... I don't know.
You're cool.

St. Epiderm isn't cheap.

But if I make the school look good,
I get a scholarship.

What about you?

Made a deal with a devil.

Our principal's gonna expel me
unless I come back with a ribbon.

[chuckles]
Chance at redemption?

Nah. I think I'm being used
to embarrass our vice principal.

As if he doesn't do that
to himself already.

It stinks, but I've got a sister
at Hexside.

She's kind of my only friend.

It'd be a bummer
if that got taken away.

Well, you won't have
to worry about that.

After the closing ceremony,
we're home free.

[chuckles]

[squeaks]

[rumbles]

Congratulations, students.

It seems nearly everyone
earned a ribbon.

You must be
so proud of yourselves.

[chuckles]

Well, you shouldn't be.

[all gasp]

This training camp
is a joke.

There was nothing challenging
about those challenges.

And this was
the last straw.

[crowd gasps]

Uh...
[inhales]

- Before we hand out any ribbons...
- [rumbling]

...I think we need
one more activity.

[all gasp]

[all gasp]

We'll play my personal
favorite game:

Covens vs Wilds.
[all gasping]

Look at your badges, and you'll see
if you're a Coven Witch

or a Wild Witch.

[gasps]

Coven Witches,

you have minutes
to capture every Wild Witch.

If you succeed,
everyone on your team gets a ribbon!

Wild Witches,
you may earn a ribbon

if you put on
a good show.

And to encourage
you shrinking violets,

I'll allow
any use of magic!

We're in HECK people!

Let's have some fun!

Ugh. I would've been
such a good mom.

Whoa!

[sighs]

I don't know.

[Coven student] Don't move!
[shouts]

Wait.
She's one of us.

Come with us.
We've got a plan to catch all the Wild Witches.

I'm not goin' anywhere.
This is crazy!

That plant lady
is off her gourd!

Don't you want
a ribbon?

My parents say
if I don't come home with a ribbon,

I better not
come home at all.

[Wild Witch groans]

[chuckles] They're just watching out
for my best interests.

So, I heard there's this one kid who's been
coming here for years.

Yeah!
That's Raine, my classmate.

Somehow they always
have the best juice!

And they don't share it
with anyone!

I heard they're one of
the strongest witches here.

And they're a bard!
Crazy, right?

Not really.
Bard magic can be cool.

If we take them out, the rest should be a breeze.
You with us?

Uh...
We'll take that as a yes!

Welcome! Welcome!

Oh, don't look so wilted.
You've got great seats now.

[groans]

Uh, Miss Terra?

Head Witch Snapdragon, if you please.
Enjoying the show?

Yes. Well, your show is actually in violation
of several school rules,

convention hall safety guidelines,
and child safety acts.

I'm sure it's an honest mistake,
so why don't we just stop this activity and...

I make the rules,
sweet pea.

Oh, looks like there's only one
crafty little Wild Witch left!

Will the Covens win?

- Or the sprout?
- [panting]

[whistling]

That must be the bard.
We'll surprise them.

[panting]

[inhales deeply,
whistles]

Huh?

[grunts]

[shudders]

We got ya now.
For the Covens!

[both grunt, shout]

Huh?

What are you doing?

[both scream,
grunt]

An interesting development.
A showdown perhaps?

Let's give them
plenty of room to fight.

[rumbling]

[gasps]

[chanting] Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!

[squeaking]

[growls]

[growls]

[shouts]

[shouts]

Never a rose without a few thorns,
I see.

Yeah, well, we got tired
of your stupid little challenge.

And your plant puns.

Ah!
Uh...

[laughs]

- Delightful!
- [both] Huh?

Feisty witches do make
the best leaders!

I especially
like you, sprout.

But I can't
reward disobedience.

So, everyone
is poisoned.

[whispers]

That's illegal too?
Ugh. Fine.

Instead, no one gets a ribbon this year!
Everyone loses!

[crowd booing]

I hope this
was worth it.

Actually...
[Bump] Eda.

I am so proud of you!

But also,
I think we're toast.

My career is over,
and you'll be expelled

and probably end up selling garbage
at the Night Market,

but what a way to go.

Pardon me.
Expelled?

Is Fausty still playing
more of his little games?

No. Budding prodigies like Miss Clawthorne
need to be nourished.

I'll let him know I was quite impressed
with both of you.

[groans]

[gasps] Lily!
I finally caught you.

I never got to tell you about that
weird training thing over the weekend.

Uh-huh.
I was horrified.

If I lost,
I was gonna get expelled,

and then we wouldn't be able to...
[watch beeps]

Ah, sh**t. Sorry, Edalyn.
Gotta go.

E.C. study group is meeting.
We can talk later?

Go. Go, go, go.
Don't be late.

[sighs]

Blech! Ugh.

[Raine] Trade?
Huh?

Raine?

What are you doing here?
Oh...

Oh, no.
Your scholarship!

Don't worry.
I wanted to transfer out of Epiderm anyway.

And apparently my parents
always hated the cold on the Knee.

So?

Okay, Eda.
Give me the rundown on this place.

Blech!
Oh, you'll love it. It's got all the secrets.

And since Terra spoke
to Principal Faust,

I can get away
with pretty much anything.

Mmm! I've never had apple blood before.
This stuff is good!

And after that,
we were inseparable.

[snoring]

[sighs] Raine,
you better be okay.

[Terra] Ah!
There you are, sprout.

You know,
I was just heartbroken

when I found out
it was you, of all people,

causing trouble
for the Covens.

But look how well
you're doing now.

[groans] I just wish
these headaches would go away.

Keep drinking your tea,
and you'll forget all about the pain.

[blows, whistles]

Have a good night,
Raine.

[bones cracking]

A Draining Spell?

This is worse
than we thought.

Any way to counter?

I told you, I'm not putting her
in danger again.

We'll figure
something else out.

[whistles]

I'll keep you safe, Eda.
I promise.