05x08 - Baton-man Begins

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bunk'd". Aired July 2015 - current.*
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"Bunk'd" is a "Jessie" spin-off revolving around Emma, Ravi, and Zuri Ross at a rustic summer camp in Maine, where their parents met as teens. Along with their new friends, the trio tries their best to settle into their exciting new lives at Camp Kikiwaka.
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05x08 - Baton-man Begins

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, buddy.

Jefe! How you doin'?

Good. This orthopedic
center is pretty great.

Even though they won't give me
one of those gowns that shows my butt

because it's not medically necessary.

I can't believe you hurt
yourself playing air guitar.

You just had to do the knee slide.

Um, it's called a power slide.

And I regret nothing.

Plus, he couldn't end his
solo by smashing his guitar.

It's made of air, Destiny.

You really need to be
more hands-on with them.

I am. Who do you think
was playing air drums?

Anyhoo...

Visiting hours are almost over

and they said we can
take you back to camp

as soon as you're cleared to go.

You just have to stay
off your leg for a few days.

But, handstands
are still in play, right?

Oh, Finn.

I have a feeling we're
gonna be back here real soon.

Matteo, there you are.
Leave the doctors alone.

My questions will be very easy
if they know what they're doing.

Are you guys from Camp Kikiwaka?

[GASPS] Matteo, we're famous!

I'm sure you saw that
article in Moose Rump Times

about howwe got that
bat out of our mess hall.

The trick was to
let it break a window

while we hid in our cabins.

Actually, I just read your shirts.

Cool, cool.

Is the camp as fun as I've heard?

Oh, yeah. We've got everything.

Smores, arts and crafts, mosquitoes

a toxic lake, condemned outhouses...

Okay, Matteo! [CHUCKLES]

I think you've
painted quite a picture.

Do you guys have board
games? I love them.

Got this during a pretty
intense game of chess.

I love board games, too.

I've actually been working
on designing one myself.

Well, when you
finish, send it our way.

Just ask for Sarah.

Kind of a big deal around here.

This place couldn't run without me.

Well, we have something
else in common.

Our camp couldn't run without me.

Really?

You know it, and I know it.

And while we're on the subject,

don't forget to make sure
Chef Jeff orders produce.

I...

Do need to do that.

But I would've remembered.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

Hey, you. Cool top.

Oh, thanks.

And those shoes are fire.

Literally.

Right? Don't worry,

my socks have little fire
extinguishers on them.

I'm Kit.

Destiny. Nice to meet you.

Nice trophies.

Wait. Are you a pageant girl?

Yeah. You, too?

I used to be big into pageants.

They were really fun.

But, I gotta say,

I've been enjoying civilian life.

Now when I wear my fake teeth,

it's for me.

Well, I got suspended
from the circuit

after my fire-breathing
act got a little out of hand.

My mom did meet a
cool firefighter, though.

So, unlike the
auditorium, not a total loss.

[LAUGHS]

Uh, probably a nosy doctor.

[CLATTERING]

Well, I should probably go.

But, can I come visit again?

I'd love that.

I'll be recovering from the
surgery for a few more weeks.

-NOAH: Destiny!
-Little help.

Coming, nosy doctor.

Noah, what are you doing?

Hovering awkwardly so you
introduce me to your friend. Duh?

Well, awkwardness achieved.

Sorry.

It's just, this girl sounds
super cool and funny.

And her shoe game is on point.

Please? Introduce me?

I promise I won't embarrass you.

Again.

Fine. You can come
back with me tomorrow.

Yes! Thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I need to get the
pudding out of my shoe.

Hey, Finn.

How you feeling? Horrible.

I'm so bored being stuck inside.

At least the ortho center had a TV.

Here I just have windows.

And they're all stuck
on the nature channel.

Well, here's something
that might help.

Books!

[HISSES]

Oh, come on.

Just give one book a try. Like...

Frankenstein.

Frankenstein is a
monster, not a book.

But it's easy to get the two confused

since they're both so disgusting.

Actually, Frankenstein is a
scientist who creates a monster.

See, he was obsessed
with finding the secret of life.

Which ironically started
with a lot of grave digging.

But he needed to find a
brain and, like, body parts

so he sewed them all together...

And Frankenstein dies,

wishing he could've
destroyed his creation.

The end.

What? That's so depressing.

Thanks, books!

Well, if you want a happier ending,

how 'bout The Velveteen Rabbit?

Ava, you know I can't
count up to velveteen.

Oh! Hey, Lou. Can I
ask you something?

Sure. Whatcha doing?

Making that game for Sarah
to try since she loves them.

I thought I'd make it camp-themed.

Like they say, write what you
know. And after all I practically...

Yeah, yeah, run this camp.

You got a question,
Wind Beneath My Wings?

What kind of game is your favorite?

Hmm... One where you have
to act stuff out, like charades.

Oh. I was hoping you were
gonna say a trivia-type game.

Could it be both?

Why not?

Two things combined
are always better.

Um, ever heard of brunch?

Yeah. Okay.

So, should the game
have dice or a spinner?

Why not both?

Ooh, and if it's camp-themed,

there should be something called a...

Wacky-Waka Card.

Or, uh, what about score cards?

And chore cards?

BOTH: Let's do it all!

So, you wanna help?

Um, yeah! I think
I'd be great at this.

Did you hear that thing I
said earlier about brunch?

Look at us.

The two people who run this camp

making a camp game together.

Okay.

Let's get something straight here.

I am the camp director.

You are the camper.

Aw, you tell yourself that while I go
take care of our grounds keeping invoice.

Does he run this camp?

What if she remembers meas
the guy who crashed the food cart?

Don't worry. I'm sure she forgot.

Destiny, hi!

And, hey, it's Crashy McFoodcart.

She didn't forget. Retreat.

Kit, this is my friend Noah.

I thought you guys should meet
'cause you're both really cool people.

Noah, it turns out
Kit's into pageants.

And, Kit,

Noah is into...

Uh, pageants, too.

You are? You are?

Yup. Pageants. I said it.

Wow. That's awesome.

-Are you a fan?
-Or do you perform
in them like me?

I like you.

I mean, like you.

I mean-I mean, I perform like you.

Is anyone else getting,
like, really sweaty?

So, what's your talent portion?

Yes, what is your
talent portion, Noah?

Uh... Baton.

Really? Really?

You know, we have performers
come here sometimes.

You should totally do
a baton routine for us.

That does seem like
something I should be able to do.

Great! This is so awesome.

I'm gonna go spread the word.

See you soon, Noah.

What were you thinking?

You don't know anything about baton.

I know. I panicked.

Why didn't you just say you like
something normal like puppies?

Okay. Where were you
with that suggestion earlier?

Don't sit on your gold, lady!

I still don't understand why
you said you could twirl a baton,

while also being someone
who can't twirl a baton?

Destiny, I need your help.

Can you give me a quick lesson?

[SCOFFS] Quick lesson?

Baton twirling is a
sacred discipline.

A delicate dance between balance,
gravity, and one's own heart.

So, you'll teach me how
to toss a sparkly stick?

Destiny, please!

I really like this girl. I
wanna get to know her better.

Okay, fine. I'll help you.

But, if I'm doing this,
you have to be all in.

We're gonna train long,
and we're gonna train hard.

Cool.

Buy, uh, how long exactly?

I have a dramatic improv
workshop in Moose Rump later...

And I see from your expression,

I will be canceling my plans.

Okay. I know that we can
find the right book for you.

More books?

How many are there in
the world? Velveteen?

One of my favorites is Little Women.

It's a coming-of-age
story about four sisters

set during the Civil w*r era.

Yuck!

There's snowball fights.

Proceed.

[CLEARS THROAT]

So, Jo's the sister narrating.

And she doesn't want to
get married like Meg does...

Wait. It's really
hard to picture this.

What if you used Noah's costumes?

Oh. Well, all right. I guess I could
spice up my storytelling a little bit.

But, speaking of spice,

your cast smells like mustard.

Because I squirted mustard
down to cover the real smell.

Problem solver.

[CLEARS THROAT]

The world is hard on ambitious girls.

I'd rather be a free spinster,
and paddle my own canoe.

Okay, quick question.

When are the little women going to use
their tiny size to win the Civil w*r?

Little Women is just the title.

You mean, they're human-sized women?

Next!

Okay.

I know a book you'll
love. [CLEARS THROAT]

This one's called...

The Three Musketeers.

All for one, and one for all!

Imagine I'm holding a sword.

Swords? Now we're getting somewhere.

Finn, do you keep old
popcorn under your bed?

Less judging, more swords.

All for one, and one for all!

Turn up the volume.

[SHOUTS] All for
one, and one for all!

Easy. We have neighbors.

Ava?

Something you wanna explain?

Nah, I'm just gettin' a snack.

Oh, this.

I'm wearing it because
Finn wanted to watch TV,

but I'm getting him
into reading instead

by acting out scenes
from great books.

Oh, I see what's happening.

That I am inspiring a young mind

to open himself up to
the world of literature?

[LAUGHS] No.

You're a human TV.

That's not true.

I'm just telling Finn stories

to see what he likes.

He even gets so invested,

he'll have me do certain parts again,

or make me skip ahead.

[GASPS]

Like, rewind and fast forward?

No. We were just doing

, Leagues Under the Sea,

but then he had to
go to the bathroom,

and I'm currently on pause,

and, dang it, I am a TV!

MATTEO: Look, Lou, for
one of the Wacky Waka cards.

Human ring toss.

Something you wanna explain?

Don't look at me. He runs the place.

Hello, old friend.

Wow, do I get to use that baton?

Uh, no,

She's not "used."

She's earned.

Well, I'm ready to learn your ways.

Who knows? It might actually be fun.

Noah, look at my face.

This isn't "fun,"

this is baton twirling.

Let me show you the
world you just entered.

[SWING MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC ENDS] Tadow!

Whoa! Is that what I'll be doing?

Uh, absolutely not.

That move was the Kirskanova.

It takes years to learn.

You're merely a baton tourist.

I was born in it. Molded by it.

Okay.

First we're gonna to do my thing,

then we're gonna work on you.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Strength, control, power!

Tighten up those wrists, Lambert!

Smile. Smile... [SHOUTING] Smile!

[IN SQUEAKY VOICE]
I can't feel my face!

That's the numbness of triumph.


Okay.

You can make it look like you're pro

for to seconds.

This might be my greatest work.

Even greater than when you explained

revolving doors to Finn?

This might be my
second greatest work.

Hey! Mustard man!

Which book is this one?

So angry.

You were never gonna read, were you?

You were just gonna
keep using me as a TV.

Mute. Mute.

You know what? I thought I could

get you excited about reading,

but you were right. It's impossible.

Okay, fine.

I was just using you as a TV.

You don't have to do this anymore.

Good. Thank you.

Just tell me what happens
at the end of , Leagues.

What? [CHUCKLES] No way.

It took a minute, but this

is now a smart TV.

But you were at the
part with the giant squid.

Sorry. Channel currently
unavailable in your region.

No, I can't.

I mustn't.

It's so tempting. [GASPS]

Yet so educational.

Oh, I have no choice.
My TV's mad at me.

Oh.

Twenty thousand leagues

is a measure of nautical distance.

[INAUDIBLE]

Hi, everyone, and
thank you for agreeing

to try our new game.

I'm Matteo and this is Lou,

and we go to a place
called Camp Kikiwaka.

They know. I told them.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]
I was not prepared

to go off-book!

I got this.

Everyone, get ready to play...

[BOTH BLOW PARTY HORN]

Kikiwakaland!

All right. We'll take
your lack of applause

as a sign of shock and awe.

The rules are simple, campers.

You move around the board

collecting ingredients for s'mores.

Sarah, why don't
you take the first spin

on the Waka Wheel?

Gentle. It took me
three hours to make

and I buy the cheap glue sticks.

I landed on a...

BOTH: Wacky Waka card!

Pick a card. Any card.

[GASPS] Not that card.

I got the "Ava Side-Eye"?

BOTH: Ooh.

Sarah, you are stuck
in the Leaky Canoe

until you can catch more fish

than the player to your left.

[GASPS] Matteo. Yes.

The Leaky Canoe is my
favorite. [CHUCKLES]

Start the clock.

And fish.

What is happening?

I see why you're confused.

We forgot to mention that
you get double the points

if you catch one in
your mouth like a bear.

And for the win, the
Wacky Waka card says,

you must trade Finn's toenails

for two canoe paddles.

[GASPS] What?

Wait. [GASPS]

Are you guys not into the game?

Well... Not really.

It's confusing and weird.

And this Finn character

seems too broad to be a real person.

Yeah, he gets that a lot.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

It really wasn't.

Okay. Easy.

Sorry, Sarah.

I guess I'm not cut out

to be a game designer. I failed.

Nah, you didn't.

After all, you did make a new friend.

I did? Yep.

And she wants to play chess.

Cool. I'll grab the board.

And I'll grab the helmets.

Helmets?

If I wave at you, come save me.

I can't believe we made of these.

Okay. We're all set.

We're even live-streaming this

to all the kids in their rooms.

Everyone is so excited

to see a real baton routine.

Yes. A real baton routine.

That's what you're about to see.

And maybe after,

we could go grab some food

in the cafeteria? Hang out.

It's just nice to meet someone

I have so much in common with.

That sounds...

Great.

Cool. Well, knock 'em dead.

Are you ready? Trick question.

You better always be ready.

I don't feel very good.

That's just nerves.

If you throw up in
your mouth on stage,

you gotta swallow
it, like a champion.

No, it's not that.

I think I feel bad

that I'm only pretending
to be a baton twirler.

Kit just asked me
to hang out with her.

And that's what I wanted, but...

I don't think I should do this.

Listen, I came out
of retirement for you.

But... No "but's."

There's no "but" in "baton"

Well, okay, there is,

but that's just an
unfortunate coincidence.

Now get out there and twirl.

KIT: Whoo! [ALL CHEERING]

Stop. Stop.

I don't deserve your applause.

Kit, I never did pageants.

I only learned how to twirl

since I met you,

which was when I
crashed the food cart.

That's Crashy McFoodcart?

How come everyone has
a cool nickname but me?

It's no excuse, but...

I like you, Kit.

And I was trying to
get you to like me, too.

You seem like a really cool person.

And you deserve someone
who doesn't lie to you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, everyone.

Do it anyway.

What? Really?

Yeah.

You promised us some twirling,

and we're all sitting here, waiting.

So, twirl that baton.

It might not be pretty.

She said, do it anyway, dude.

Do it! Do it!

ALL: [CHANTING] Do it. Do it. Do it.

Do it... Okay, I'll do it.

But be warned,

I'm going full out.

Noah. Here.

I thought I had to earn her.

You did.

[BEEPS]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, no. Is he going
for the Kirskanova?

He's a madman!

[MUSIC ENDS] [ALL CHEERING]

That's right!

Make that the Kirska-Noah.

Tadow!

That's my little counselor.

The Kirskanova?

Noah, I just have to say,

I might be the greatest pageant coach

of all time.

Hey. Nice job up there.

Thanks.

Hey, I'm really sorry.

I feel terrible for fooling you.

Noah, come on. You never fooled me.

I didn't? Of course not.

This second I saw your soft,

un-callused hands

I knew you never
twirled a baton in your life.

They're like a baby's.

Okay. Well, I should
probably get going now.

It was nice meeting you.

Listen...

I'm not the biggest fan of lying,

but you owned up to it.

And you kept your
promise to the kids.

So, how about we make

-a fresh start?
-Really?

Hi. I'm Kit.

And, hey, aren't you that guy

that crashed that food cart?

That's me.

Would you want to have
lunch in the cafeteria?

I promise you won't have to

scrape it up off the floor.

I'd like that.

Destiny, thank you, for everything.

You made me really proud today.

And when you get back from lunch,

we can go over my performance notes.

I saw a lot of sloppy
wrist out there.
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