05x14 - Out of the Doghouse

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bunk'd". Aired July 2015 - current.*
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"Bunk'd" is a "Jessie" spin-off revolving around Emma, Ravi, and Zuri Ross at a rustic summer camp in Maine, where their parents met as teens. Along with their new friends, the trio tries their best to settle into their exciting new lives at Camp Kikiwaka.
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05x14 - Out of the Doghouse

Post by bunniefuu »

[WHIRRING]

Wow.

So you really bought the
famous Moose Rump moose rump.

Sure did.

Yet the good medical
supplies were too expensive.

I never thought I'd see a butt hung

in the mess hall in my lifetime.

Brings a tear to your eye.

Do we have to hang
it here, where we eat?

And right above the fudge nuggets?

If it were up to me, I'd
move all butt-based art

away from poop shaped food.

Well, excuse me if
I don't listen to you,

considering the way you ran
this camp while I was gone,

you are still in the dog house.

Oh! I think I did pretty okay.

You thought Matteo was
lost in another dimension.

Science can't prove he wasn't.

-He was with me.
-And you are not science.

Lou, if you are going to hang
a moose part where we eat,

which you shouldn't,
why not the head?

Well, because nobody
knows where it is.

Legend has it that the head
that goes along with this rump

was stolen from the local
"Mooseum" years ago.

Besides, do I look like I've
got moose head money?

Yo, Lou, what's with
this weird old book?

That's not a weird old book.

That is the Great Book Of Woodchuck,

containing the most sacred
traditions of Woodchuck cabin.

Although Jed did weave the binding

with his own back
hair. So it's a little weird.

Information I would
have loved to have

before I picked it up.

Lou realized we didn't
have a Woodchuck

initiation ceremony
for Ava last summer.

So we're finally
going to give her one

when she gets back
from visiting her spa.

I mean, her parents.

Wow. I never knew there was so much

that went into being a Woodchuck.

Yeah, it's not for the weak.

It's more of a...
Grizzly Cabin thing.

Hey, that's not fair.

Noah, I just hiccupped and
pulled a muscle in my shoulder.

Can we take nap time early today?

Okay. It's a little fair.

[WHISTLES] ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

I'm so excited for Ava

to become an official Woodchuck.

Also, question.

How many Woodchucks
did a wood chopper chop

to make the Woodchuck
cape I'm holding?

Eh, don't worry.

It's mostly made of Jed's back hair.

And by the way,

the Woodchuck
initiation's been canceled.

What? But I've been
practicing for the shouting

of compliments ritual all day.

And I can't wait to tell Ava,

[SHOUTS] "She sings like an angel!"

[SHUSHES]

That is part of the problem.

Junkyard Judy filed another
noise complaint against us.

Who's Junkyard Judy?

She owns that junkyard
that borders the camp.

She's always complaining
about how loud we are.

She's the reason our sing-alongs

have been changed to whisper-alongs.

And I am really tired of singing...

♪ If you're happy and you know it

Keep it down ♪

Why didn't you tell me about this?

If you'll let me, I can
totally win Judy over.

Oh, ho, ho, Destiny.

Nobody wins Junkyard Judy over.

We are in the middle of a
good old-fashioned feud here.

The only way it ends is
if one of our descendants

falls in love against
our family's wishes.

We can also just talk to her.

Tsk. Destiny.

You don't just talk to Judy.

She's... Oh, how shall
I put this delicately?

Um, a heinous anger gremlin.

Lou, I promise we
can get Judy to like us.

Fine, but I'm telling you,
this isn't going to work.

The Woodchuck should
just accept that we've done

our last traditional pot clanging,

dancing, cleansing scream.

Wait, are we the bad guys here?

Oh. Hey, Parker. There you are.

I was just about to head down to...

Are you gonna play
tetherball by yourself?

Hey, to be the best,
you gotta b*at the best.

Anyway, I have a list of
things I need you to do.

Finally, some real responsibility.

Uh, you'll have to forgive me, Lou.

I don't have much
experience with this,

but it looks like you accidentally

handed me a list of, what
do you call them, "cho-res"?

They're called chores, rich boy.

And it wasn't an accident.

Hatch up leaky canoes,

clean the windows of the mess hall?

Don't you have any big,
important things for me to do.

Like what about my
double-decker bunk bed idea?

For the last time,

bunk beds are already double-decker.

And by the way, you need to have

everything on that list
finished by the end of the day.

Otherwise, you're
staying in the dog house.

I can't finish this by tomorrow.

There's things on this list.

Oh. Well, I guess you better try.

Maybe knock out one
of the harder ones first.

Like number .

Unclog Grizzly Cabin toilet?

There's a reason why
I made it number .

Why?

Grizzlies, something's bugging me.

I told you to cut all the
tag-side of your sweaters.

No, I did that, and
it changed my life.

But, I meant, it's just not
fair that Woodchuck Cabin

has so many cool rituals
and traditions, and we don't.

They have a salute, an
initiation, and a smelly mascot.

Yeah, the only smelling
mascot we have is Finn.

Uh, and he's k*lling it.

Hey, guys. I hope your
day's going better than mine.

We're kind of bummed
the Grizzlies don't have

a bunch of bonding
activities like the girls.

So you're basically looking
for a list of things to do?

Not just things.

Things that will help
us form a lifelong sense

of camaraderie and interdependence.

Yes.

And I, too, understand all of the
big words that Matteo's saying.

Parker, why are you walking
around with a plunger?

What? [CHUCKLES] This
isn't my going out plunger.

I better go put it back.

Looked pretty fancy to me.

I'm telling you, this
is never gonna work.

It's a feud as old as time,

like the Hatfields and McCoys,

or orange juice and toothpaste.

Just watch and learn.

Who are you?

Why, thank you for asking.

My name is Destiny.

And we're from Woodchuck
Cabin at Camp Kikiwaka.

Well, that's why we don't call her
Reasonable Judy. Come on, let's go.

Hi, Judy, was it?

I think we got off on the wrong foot.

Here is a little peace
offering from us to you.

Pickled otter paws.

I see you didn't spring for declawed.

You're our neighbor, not the
Queen of England. [CHUCKLES]

Hey, have you all heard
a door slam part two?

If you liked the first one,
you'll love the sequel.

Well, we should
consider ourselves lucky.

Back home, this is
the part of the feud

where the pitchforks come out.

Hey, guys, look what I
found in the camp archives.

It looks like the Great
Book Of Woodchuck.


But this is the Ye
Old Book Of Grizzly.


How could I not have
seen that before?

Not to brag, but I do spend a lot
of time by myself in the archives.

Was misfiled in the sports section.

Oh, that's why.

And look what's inside.

Ooh, I know this one.

Words.

"The tenets of the Grizzly.

"A list of service-based
Grizzly Cabin traditions."

We were just talking about

wanting something like this.

How weirdly convenient.

Right? It's a list of bonding exercises
specifically for Grizzly Cabin.

There's a lot of them, though.

Are you sure you're up for them?

[SCOFFS] Of course.

What are we waiting for?

Let's forge new links of fellowship

and interpersonal attachment.

Yes. Those are the things
that are good which we want.

Parker, are you in?

You are our honorary
Grizzly, after all.

Aww, thanks, guys.

All right, enough chitchat.

First tenet reads...

"Rising tides lift all boats,
but a Grizzly cannot bond

"if the bottom of his
canoe be not bonded."

Hmm.

I wonder what that could mean.

Well, lots of our canoes
have holes in them.

It must mean

we should patch them up and
work together, so we don't sink.

Huh. What an unexpected
and fascinating interpretation.

Come on, fellas, let's go make
some canoes legally seaworthy.

Camaraderie is the best.

And I also know what's going on.

What is this?

Hi, neighbor.

It looked like you could
use some help organizing.

And we Woodchucks are
always happy to lend a hand.

So what do you think?

What do I think? [CHUCKLES]

I think you ruined everything.

Okay.

In pageants, I always charm the
judges most during the Q and A portion.

So, let me tell you what being
an American means to me.

You put the hubcaps next
to the broken toilet seats.

They're supposed to be
scattered on top of the doll heads.

I have a system.

This is probably a
bad time to tell you,

but you have otter fur in your teeth.

Lugnut!

[DOG GROWLING]

Nice doggy.

Aw! Nice doggy.

Sic her.[BARKS]

[SCREAMS]

I'm sorry I touched your toilets.

Let's see. The next tenet says...

"Grizzlies must see into
the eyes of other Grizzlies.

"Eyes are the windows of the soul,

"and windows are the
windows of windows."

Well, that sounds like we should
clean the mess hall windows.

It does?

If you want to see
into Matteo's soul,

he has a diary he
thinks I don't know about.

Hey, those are private
feelings and bird drawings.

Try reading the next tenet.
Maybe it'll be more clear.

"The prey of the
Grizzly must be pure.

"Feast not upon the aged
salmon, but upon the fresh,

"or at least the less old."

Okay, that one's just gibberish.

And this is coming from a guy who
pretends to understand Shakespeare.

It is tricky, but I think it
means we need to make sure

there's no expired
food in the fridge.

Hey, maybe if we split up,
we could finish them quicker.

Uh, it's going to be pretty
difficult to bond if we split up.

Or will it be easier?

No, I think it's the thing I said.

My head's starting to hurt.

Let's just go clean windows.

Parting is such sweet sorrow...

I think. I really don't get that guy.

Did you just huck a big
old book into the bushes?

Uh, yeah. [CHUCKLES]
Chore on the list.

Pest extermination. So I
threw a book at a possum.

If it didn't finish him off,

perhaps he'll take this
chance to better himself.

Well, just remember, you
have until the end of the day

to get out of the dog house.

Everyone who knows me
knows I'm tough but fair.

And love arbitrary deadlines.

Well, I can see, Gwen hasn't
been making her bed, hm.

This is an old checklist.

Whoa! What happened to you?

I give up.

I tried to k*ll Judy with kindness,

and she tried to k*ll me
with an angry poofball.

Okay, now she's gone too far.

You mess with one of Mama's campers,

and Mama is going to mess with you.

Okay, Are you Mama in this scenario?

Yes, I'm Mama. This
is my tough voice.

Well, sign me up for the feud.

I guess I'm not as
charming as I thought I was.

I mean, what do I have left now,

besides beauty, brains and talent?

You forgot modesty.

But don't worry. When
we're finished with Judy,

she will wish she had never met us.

She already wishes that.

It is just something people say.

Come on, guys. No time to rest.

We gotta finish these
tenets by the end of the day.

Why?

You asked a good question, Finn.

Plowing ahead.

"The Grizzly shines
his light upon the camp,

"banishing darkness
wherever it lurks."

This one must mean...

Exactly. It means we need to swap out
all the b*rned out bulbs around camp.

Ancestral Grizzlies, you're crazy.

How does that make sense?

Light bulbs were invented
after the book was written.

Yes, uh, the Grizzlies of all,
truly were ahead of their time.

Anyway, I'm gonna go
grab some fresh bulbs.

I feel so close to you all right now.

Something isn't right.

I know. Let me see this thing.

Hey, after the tenets,
all the pages are blank.

So, no ending?

Jeez, even Matteo's boring diary wraps
up with a nice poem about friendship.

Uh, what's that?

This is a list of all the
things we've been doing.

And it's titled "Chores for Parker

"to get out of the dog house."

Does that mean raking the leaves on
the great lawn meant nothing to him?

All right, listen to this.

How many Grizzlies does it
take to screw in a light bulb?

Okay, I know what you're thinking.

The bare minimum. Yes!

Okay, I know what you're thinking.

And I'm really sorry.

I just... I needed help

with Lou's insanely long chore list.

So you made a fake book?

How did you even do
that? It looks so real.

Well, first I aged the
pages under a heat lamp.

Then I watched an online
leather tanning series for the cover.

And lastly, I hired a calligrapher
to write out the tenets.

It would have just been
easier to do the chores, man.


Or you could have
asked us to help you.

We would have done it.

But instead, you took
advantage of our Grizzly family

to get what you needed.

Yeah, Parker, there's
no "I" in Grizzly Cabin.

Actually, there's two, Finn.

Parker, there's two
I's in Grizzly Cabin.

But now there's not a "U".

Okay, Lugnut.

Mommy's going to the store.

See you in for yoga.

Boop.

Okay, now's our chance.

Quick, give me the treat
to distract Lugnut with.

Then we'll glue all of Judy's
junk together in one big junk hunk.

Yes, my pants will
have their revenge.

JUDY: Oops, this isn't my purse.

This is my doll head bag.

She's coming. Quick, hide!

I can still see you.

Usually, hiding is
a whole body thing.

There's something in here.

Hey, what are you doing?

I could ask you the same question.

LOU: [GASPS] No way!

The Mooseum's missing moose head?

Anything you want to tell us, Judy?

Did you take it?

You can't prove it's the same one.

It says "property of the
Mooseum" on the back.

Dang it! I never should
have gotten that label maker.

It's addictive!

Well, now that you know, what
are you going to do about it?

Well, we could keep it quiet.

Oh, I see.

How many doll heads
is this going to cost me?

Just leave the camp alone.

No more noise complaints
against Kikiwaka.

Never.

I'd sooner throw away
all my broken toilet seats.

Well, I guess we'll
just have to turn you in.

Fine. Go ahead.

After all, it wouldn't be the first time
you Woodchucks try to ruin my life.

What did you mean by that?

Better question...

Where are all the doll bodies?

Hey, there.

Come on. You guys
are still mad at me?

Still, it's only been like an hour.

We're kids, not fruit flies.

And what you did was
emotionally distressing.

Yeah, and it hurt our feelings.

After we invited you to be a Grizzly.

That's not how you treat family.

You haven't met my family.

The Prestons don't ask you for help.

They trick you into helping them.

One time, my sister fooled me
into giving her my android butler

so she could strip him for parts.

You have an android butler?

Had, Matteo. Keep up.

You guys have never
been that way with me.

I'm sorry.

I didn't even think
just to ask you for help.

Maybe I should start acting less
like a Preston and more like a Grizzly.

That is, if the Grizzlies
will still have me.

Of course we will.

And the offer stands.

If you need help
finishing Lou's chores,

we're still willing to
lend you a helpful paw.

Thanks. That means a lot.

But I'm gonna finish
the rest on my own.

And first, we should fill the Ye Old Book
Of Grizzly with some real traditions.


Ones we make together.

I think that's a great idea.

Me, too.

Man, I can't wait to read about
this moment in Matteo's diary later.

I liked it better when
you hated books.

Well, I'm here, but I don't know why.

If you're gonna turn me in, I'd rather
wait at my dump instead of this one.

This place is not a dump.

It was briefly used as a
dump in the ' s. Read a book.

Look, we wanted to ask you
about what you said earlier.

It seems like you don't like our camp

because of something
the Woodchucks did to you.

Can you tell us what it was?

Why do you want to know?

Because you seem really upset.

And instead of trying to
charm you or prank you,

we should've just
tried talking to you.

So now we are.

Well, if you really care.

When I was a teenager, I
went to Camp Kikiwaka, too.

I was in Honey Badger Cabin.

Ooh, if the snarl fit...

But what I really wanted
was to be a Woodchuck.

Those girls seemed so cool.

And they told me I
could actually join them.

All I had to do to be
initiated into their cabin

was prove myself...

by stealing the moose
head from the Mooseum.

That isn't part of the
Woodchuck initiation.

I know, they lied.

When I got back to
camp with the head,

they said they were
just messing with me.

They were never going
to let me be a Woodchuck.

They just wanted to see
if I would actually do it.

I was really hurt.

I just wanted to be
accepted so badly.

Oh, I am so sorry you
were treated that way.

Thank you.

But it wasn't your fault.

I shouldn't have taken my
feelings out on the camp.

And I know stealing is
wrong, so go ahead, turn me in.

I'll go quietly.

Just promise me someone will
feed my doll heads when I'm gone.

Okay, fine. We won't turn you in.

You were tricked by a cruel
joke into making a mistake.

It could have happened to anyone?

Really? You mean it?

Absolutely. I mean, who among us

hasn't coveted a well-done
piece of moose taxidermy?

It was rhetorical.

I was making a point.

Judy, I never should have
let this turn into a feud.

-We were in a feud?
-Apparently, a one-sided feud.

But I happen to know the
director of the Mooseum.

And I'll see to it that the head

is anonymously returned
to its rightful owner.

But not the moose.

That ship has sailed.

Wow. [LAUGHS]

This place has really changed
since I was here. [LAUGHS]

I would have loved to have
been Woodchuck with you two.

Well, maybe you still can.

For real? Wait.

You're not going to have me steal
something crazy like a moose butt, are you?

Nah.

We already got one of those.

I'll give you doll
heads if you steal it.

Grizzly Cabin. Grizzly Cabin.

[ROARING]

Grizzly Cabin. Grizzly Cabin.
[ROARING] Uh, Parker?

So, what you got there?

Oh, this is nothing.

Just a traditional bear onesies

and a ritual spirit fire. You?

Hmm. Ancient relic and a
sack full of carved totems.

-Cool.
-Cool.

So I'll assume that since
you're having a blast doing...

[ROARING] This...

That must mean that you've completed
all the items on the list I gave you.

Not quite. But I will
finish them in the morning.

Tonight, me and the boys are creating
some new Grizzly Cabin traditions.

Come on, Parker.

We can't finish forging
the bonds of our friendship

until you drink this goblet
full of squirrel's blood.

Be right there.

Don't worry. It's
expired tomato juice.

Hey, Lou.[BOYS GRUNTING]

Whoa! What's that?

[ALL ROARING]

That is Parker getting
out of the dog house.

BOYS: Grizzly Cabin.
Grizzly Cabin. [ROARING]

This wood represents the
bond between Woodchucks.

Like our bond, the wood is strong.

Unlike our bond, the wood is wood.

What does that mean?

So many things.

You don't have a clue, do you?

Nope.

And now, with the ceremonial
chucking of the wood,

we proudly welcome the
newest honorary Woodchuck

and friend, Junkyard Judy.

[EXCLAIMS]

[BOTH b*at BOXING]

You guys call me Junkyard Judy?

[SCOFFS] No.

Yes.

Would a genuine mounted moose rump

smooth this over?

[CHUCKLES] It's time. The kids
were taking problematic selfies.
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