02x01 - Gilligan's Mother-in-Law

[bunniefuu]

♪ just sit right back ♪

♪ and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ a tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ that started from this tropic port ♪

♪ aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ the skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ a -hour tour ♪

[thunder]

♪ the weather started getting rough ♪

♪ the tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ if not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ the ship set ground on the shore of this ♪

♪ uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ with gilligan ♪

♪ the skipper, too ♪

♪ the millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ the movie star ♪

♪ the professor and mary ann ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪

[Speaking native language]

[speaking native language]

[speaking native language]

[speaking native language]

how's our little project comin'?

Coming along just fine, mr. Howell.

We'll be ready to test it in just a moment.

Now, gilligan, when I say the word,

we'll try her out.

I haven't said the word!

I'm sorry, skipper.

[Sighs]

all right, mr. Howell, I think it's ready for testing.

Let 'er rip.

Gilligan!

I'm sorry, but I thought you said, "let 'er rip."

I didn't say, "let 'er rip."

He said, "let 'er rip."

Now... Go ahead.

Well, go ahead, start pumping!

You sure that's the word?

Will you start pumping?

How's that, mr. Howell?

Oh, fine. If I close my eyes,

I feel like I'm on the veranda

of the oyster bay yacht club.

That's funny. When I close my eyes, all I can get is dizzy.

Gilligan, you are dizzy

whether your eyes are open or closed.

That's a devilishly clever air conditioner.

I have a place for you men in my organization

when we get off the island.

You hear that, skipper?

He's gonna give us a job when we get off the island.

You mean "if."

We'll get off the island, skipper, you'll see.

Of course we'll get off the island.

You don't expect thurston howell iii

to spend the rest of his life on an island

without a ticker tape machine, do you?

Not to mention a fox hunting season.

Yikes!

Skipper, when we least expect it, something'll happen,

and we'll get off the island. You'll see.

Gilligan, all I want to see right now is more palm fronds.

Now, go get some palm fronds.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hi... [Speaking native language]

ooh! Skipper! Skipper! Skipper! Over there!

Oh... Oh... [Stammering incoherently]

gilligan, what is it?

Poor chap has gone island happy.

No, no.

[Stammering]

whoo... Show me what you're talking about.

Look, look, look. Right there, skipper. See?

Skipper: is that all?

Well, it's obviously a peaceful native family...

The father, the mother, and the daughter.

And the lady is wearing a wedding ring.

[Speaking native language]

I've never heard that tongue before.

I never even saw a tongue like that before.

They obviously are from one of the other islands.

Well, I'll check it out.

I say there, old boy, how do you do?

Uh, parlez-vous français?

Un-gah bula-bula.

Bula-bula?

Obviously a yale man.

[Speaking native language]

[speaking native language]

I think he's pointing at you, skipper.

[Speaking native language]

yeah. He keeps pointing at me and his daughter.

[Speaking native language]

ohh!

Don't you see?

They want you to marry their daughter.

What?

Perhaps it's a way to get off the island.

W-what is?

You see, we'll have to go to their island

to celebrate the wedding.

Gilligan: that's a great idea!

And maybe they have a radio transmitter

and boats to put in the trade.

You gotta marry her, skipper. Absolutely!

Me marry that native girl? Not me!

Never! Never! Grab him!

Unh! Let me go!

I am not gonna marry that native... Ohh!

[Stammering]

ohh!

Uhh... No!

Oh...

I think we'd better try another hairdo.

Oh, it wouldn't help.

Wouldn't hurt.

Ginger, why don't you try some lipstick?

Oh. That's a good idea.

No, honey, don't eat it.

Is she eating it?

Yes, she's eating it.

Ooh. Well, try some eye shadow, then.

No. If she eats that,

she'll look awful with a black tongue.

Ginger, there must be something we could do!

Well, girls, how are you doing?

Oh, dear.

Maybe if we had a hat with a veil...

I'm sure she's considered quite attractive

in her own little group.

That's the trouble.

She is her own little group.

I see what you mean.

Well, dear, I brought these earrings

for you to try.

Oh, no. Not in the nose.

Maybe sheshould try it in the nose.

She does have a nice little smile, doesn't she?

Lovely smile.

If only rodney were here...

My hairdresser.

What would he do?

Well, he'd, um... He'd faint, I suppose.

Hey, skipper, let me in. Let me in.

Stay away from me, gilligan!

Let me give you a hand.

Thanks, gilligan.

Now we'll get those barrels...

[Startled] over there!

Gilligan, I told you to stay away from me!

Skipper, you gotta go through with it.

If you marry that native girl,

we can go to their island for the ceremony

and maybe find our way back to civilization.

Gilligan, I am not marrying that fat native girl!

Well, you're not so skinny yourself.

What I mean is, maybe on your honeymoon,

you'll go on a diet together.

I mean...

Look, gilligan, , times no! , Times no!

I don't care if she loses , , or pounds!

Even if she disappears entirely,

I am not marrying that native girl!

But you said yourself you wanted to get off the island.

Well, I've changed my mind. I kinda love this little island.

Oh, no, you don't, skipper. I know how you feel.

But, look, I'd marry that girl,

even though I wouldn't like it myself.

Oh, sure, you would. You'd marry her right now.

Yeah, skipper, I would.

Sure, you marry her right now.

I was just speaking to our visitors outside.

You mean you understand their language?

Oh, a little. It's a combination of polynesian and papuan,

spoken only on a few islands to the southwest of us.

You know, her father is a native chief.

You hear that, skipper? Your father-in-law's gonna be a chief.

You... I don't care if he's the king of siam.

I'm telling you both, I am not gonna marry that native girl!

Skipper, they don't want you. They want gilligan.

You hear that, skipper? They don't want you. They want gilligan.

Really? Me?

You. Look!

What?

Come back here, you coward!

Come back here, gilligan!

Gilligan, my boy... Where are you?

We'll find you. Gilligan!

Come out, wherever you are!

Darling, if you didn't want to get married,

where wouldyou hide?

Let me see. If I remember correctly,

it was in the steam room of the athletic club.

But you found me anyway... On the rocks.

Gilligan!

Gilligan! Gilligan, my boy!

Gilligan! We'll find you!

Gilligan! Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Gilligan?

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Gilligan! Professor!

Professor, look! Come here. Look!

Come here. Quick. Look. The reed.

Well, what about it? It's moving!

It's moving again.

Ginger, I don't care if they did do that in a movie once.

Gilligan is not breathing through that reed.

Professor.

Oh, all right.

Gilligan!

[Ginger screams]

professor! Ohh!

Gilligan!

Gilli...

Gilligan?

I know you're in there, gilligan.

I can see your beady little eyes shining in the dark.

Now, come on out here.

All right, then. I'm coming in after you.

[Roaring]

[screaming and stammering]

uhh... Uhh... [Shouting fearfully]

[chuckles]

[loud roaring]

[speaking native language]

would you mind tugging on the other ear?

Gilligan! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Leave it to a mother-in-law to find the groom.

Where have you been hiding?

I'll never tell. I might want to hide there again.

Ohh! Lovey! Lovey! Oh, they're back!

Oh, good!

That means the wedding's on again,

and doesn't the bride look beautiful!

Skipper: the bride looks beautiful?

Huh?

All brides are beautiful.

You mean she'll look worse after we're married?

Wait till you hear of the honeymoon trip I've planned for you.

You mean together?

First a short stay in cannes,

then a little trip to venice...

Perhaps you can wangle an invitation to countess theresa's chateau.

Mmm.

[Speaking native language]

oh, you know her.

[Speaking native language]

he's right, you know. She is an awful bore.

Maybe I should write the prince in da...

Oh, mrs. Howell, wait a minute. First things first.

First we've gotta get off the island.

[Speaking native language]

oh, yes. The chief says

that first gilligan must pass the marriage test.

Pass the marriage test?

That's one test I'm gonna flunk for sure!

What, little buddy?

That's one test

I'm gonna try my very, very best

to pass... Even if I have to cheat?

Exactly, gilligan.

That's right, little buddy.

Skipper: keep going, gilligan, little buddy.

[All cheering gilligan on]

skipper: keep it going, gilligan.

That's it. Keep it going.

That's it, gilligan.

Professor: you are magnificent.

You're doin' great. Isn't he wonderful?

Little buddy, keep it up!

Hey, buddy, you're passing the test!

[Chief chattering and laughing]

ohh!

You did it!

They did it, professor! They did it!

You did it, little buddy!

Skipper... I don't think

I'm gonna be able to support this wife.

[Gasping for air]

la la, poopila.

Ha ha!

[Chief speaking native language]

ah. I'll go tell the others and we'll finish packing.

Hold it, skipper. Now comes the test of bravery.

Bravery? Anybody who would marry her

has gotta be the bravest man in the world.

This test is called the test of knives.

Knives?

Don't worry, little buddy.

The test of knives could mean anything.

I'm not worried, skipper, because i...

[Speaking native language]

skipper! Skipper!

Please! Come on! Come on, skip...

[Speaking native language] ah!

Skipper! Help me!

Please, little buddy, just stand steady, and you won't get hurt.

[Heaves]

no, I'm not gonna get hurt.

I'm gonna get k*lled!

[Whimpers]

[heaves]

gilligan, don't move around too much.

Gilligan, please, now.

These natives are wonderful with these knives.

They hardly ever miss!

Hardly ever?

[Chief speaking native language]

that's it! The marriage tests are over.

Oh, gilligan, little buddy, do you hear that?

The marriage tests are over! You've passed!

Yes. He's also passed out.

Professor, you bring him to.

I'll get the others down at the lagoon

so we can get to that island of theirs

and we can be rescued. [Speaking native language]

uhh! Yeek!

What now?

[Speaking chief's language]

[speaking native language]

he says according to custom,

the groom's family has to throw a party

for the marriage couple.

A party! What a divine idea.

We'll make it the social event of the season...

A costume affair, with all of us dressed as natives.

You savages can come as you are, of course.

You look terribly native already.

I'll make a lousy husband. Really.

I can't hunt, and I can't fish.

And I can't shrink a head worth a darn.

Besides that, I can't even...

Gilligan, you can't get out of getting married,

so stop trying. Now, here.

It's time to get dressed for the party.

Wait a minute. That I can do myself.

Oh!

[Speaking native language]

well, how do I look, gilligan?

You look like a bowl of soggy shredded wheat.

Thank you for the compliment.

Well, since we're passing around the compliments,

I've seen whisk brooms that look better than you do.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Let's go to the party.

Honga bonga.

Honga bonga to you, too.

Oh! Ha ha ha!

Why, gilligan, what did you do?

Ha ha ha ha!

Thurston, how do you like my grass skirt?

You look like miss alfalfa, rotating her crops.

[Chuckles]

you know, darling, there's something wrong with these costumes,

I think. After all, itis a wedding.

You're so right. Let's give it the, uh, the howell touch.

Oh, yes! By all means, let's.

Oh... Darling...

Come along, my dear.

Let's show them what the wealthier natives are wearing.

Yes, indeed. I love a parade.

Is everybody happy?

[Speaking native language]

this wine list leaves a lot

to be desired, gilligan.

Ha ha ha!

[Speaking native language]

[all talking at once]

this man is impossible.

I have never... I...

[Speaking native language]

lovey! That mean old chief

took away my... My imported top hat.

Aw, never mind, darling.

At least you have the satisfaction

of knowing that it doesn't do a thing for him.

No, it doesn't.

Some party, huh, gilligan?

Yeah. Some party.

Gilligan, your mother-in-law

wants you to eat more food so you'll grow big and fat.

I still think they're gonna eatme.

No. No.

[Speaking native language]

skeeny weenie.

I knew it! I'm gonna be the main course!

Gilligan, they only want you to join in the marriage dance.

I don't mind getting married! Ok!

But I refuse to dance at my own wedding!

[Singing in native language]

[singing and shouting in native language]

gilligan!

Go, man! Go, go, go, go!

[Chanting and singing in native language]

[all cheering gilligan on]

[singing in mock native language]

[singing in mock native language]

[grunting and chanting in mock native language]

[tribal scream]

[screams]

[speaking native language]

wonder whohe is.

Search me, professor.

[Tribal scream]

whoever he is, he sure is sore about missin' dinner.

[Speaking native language]

the chief says his name's harouki,

his daughter's old suitor,

who's come to enter a contest for her hand.

How romantic!

A contest for her hand?

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Harouki, old man, how many fingers do I have behind my back?

[Speaking native language]

yeah, one! You're right!

You not only win her hand,

you win all of her, too. Oh, boy. Bye.

Wait a minute, gilligan.

[Speaking native language]

the chief says choose a contest thathe can understand.

How about a running race?

He runs that way, and I run this way.

Gilligan... [Speaking native language]

he's decided the contest is to be with spears.

Spears? Oh, that's wonderful.

See who can throw the spear the farthest.

That's one I'm bound to lose.

Not farthest, gilligan. At each other.

At each other? Somebody can get hurt that way.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

Now, look, chief. The wedding is one thing,

but sticking my little buddy with a spear

is something else. Now, spears are out.

[Speaking native language]

I get the point.

[Speaking native language]

he says the contest is to take place

first thing in the morning.

You hear that, gilligan? You've only got one night to practice.

[Tribal scream]

[heaves]

practice what? Dying?

All right, now, little buddy, I know you can do it.

Right in the center.

Right in the center of that old bull's-eye.

Right! Right in the center of that old...

Not now, gilligan, for goodness sakes.

Go back here paces, now.

? Count 'em off.

That's the rules, of course.

Coordination, my boy. Keep going!

Simple flip of the wrist. Don't shank it.

That's it. Stop now. Yah-hunh!

Heavens! I've been skewered!

Harouki.

Harouki.

Hello.

Me ginger.

Me... Girl.

Or have you already noticed?

Harouka!

That's right. Youharouka.

Me... Girl.

Girl!

Now you're learning.

Me girl, you boy.

And there's no telling what can happen from there.

Now... Big, strong you

doesn't really want to hurt

little, scrawny gilligan with this...

Hurt him with this big, nasty old spear...

Do you? Oh... My...

What big, broad shoulders you have.

What a handsome-looking devil you are.

[Tribal scream]

ohh! [Screams]

professor! [Screams]

professor!

Professor!

Professor!

Aah! What's going on here?

[Speaking native language]

what's he saying?

Well, uh, he... He says he likes you,

but you're not exactly the type girl

he'd take home to mother.

Well... Well!

Hmph!

Thank you, mr. Howell.

Now then, I shall toss this coin to see who throws first.

Gilligan, you call it. Call heads.

Tails. Heads.

Tails.

Heads.

I want tails!

Heads!

It's a -headed coin, you dummy.

[Speaking native language]

ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Harouki says you can go first anyway, gilligan.

He's seen you practice,

and you can't hit the side of a mountain.

Is that so? Well, I'll prove it.

Ah! Ohh!

I was just gonna go find a mountain.

[Speaking native language]

whoo! Heh. These spears are sharp.

Gilligan, try and make him miss. Think thin.

[Speaking native language]

[beats drum]

the contest is on in one minute.

[Speaking native language]

what was that for? Was he wishing me good luck?

He said he was just kissing you good-bye.

Think thin, now.

Ok. Ok, skipper.

[Speaking native language]

[thud]

at the sound of the drum, you will turn around and take paces.

[Thud thud]

[thud]

[strikes drum times]

oh, come on, gilligan. Aim it and throw it.

I'm afraid to, skipper. I might hurt him.

Oh, gilligan, just nick him. Aim for his g*n hand.

Like they used to do in the westerns.

Ok.

Which hand is his g*n hand?

Gilligan, will you stop that and throw it?

Ok, skipper.

[Laughs]

you missed!

Ha ha ha ha!

[Speaking native language]

[growls]

now it's his turn.

[Grunting]

oh, I can't watch.

Oh, neither can i!

Neither can i!

[Growling]

ha ha!

[All cheering]

[whistling]

oh, gilligan, you did it, little buddy!

You did it! He's knocked out!

You knocked him cold!

That's usin' the old coconut! Ha ha ha!

[Speaking native language]

[speaking native language]

gilligan, you're off the hook. She's marrying harouki.

Let's give harouki cheers.

Rah! Rah! Rah! Rah! Rah!

Gilligan, let's all get ready,

and we'll go to their island for the wedding!

[All talk at once]

[speaking native language]

what's bothering him this time?

Well, he says we're not going anywhere...

That the wedding is private. It's by invitation only.

Oh, no!

[Speaking mock native language]

[speaking native language]

[growling]

[speaking native language]

what did I say, professor?

What'd I say? What'd I say?

Good luck, gilligan.

Thanks, professor.

It's fantastically fortunate

this harouki fellow wants to take you

to his island as his best man.

Yeah, it's really fortunate.

Now, remember, gilligan, as soon as you get there,

find out if they have a radio transmitter.

And see if the trade ships really come into the ports there.

And let us know as soon as possible.

Aye, aye, sir.

[Stammering]

well, see you later.

This way, gilligan.

Over here.

Professor: now, remember, gilligan,

we're counting on you.

Do exactly what the skipper said.

Yeah.

Mr. Howell: if you get word, write.

Write us back, now.

Don't drink their water!

Their currency's unstable.

Professor: everything they say, gilligan.

It'll come out all right.

[Speaking native language]

what's he sayin', professor?

[Speaking native language]

oh, he just said you had to pass the best man test

before the marriage, gilligan.

Best man test? What's that?

[Speaking native language]

poison darts at paces!

Poison darts at paces?!

♪ Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪

♪ they're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ they'll have to make the best of things ♪

it's an uphill climb ♪

♪ the first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ will do their very best ♪

♪ to make the others comfortable ♪

♪ in the tropic island nest ♪

no phone... No lights...

♪ No motorcars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ it's primitive as can be ♪

♪ so join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ you're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ from stranded castaways ♪

♪ here on gilligan's isle ♪