02x03 - The Little Dictator

[bunniefuu]

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship set ground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

[Indistinct shouting]

¡Y la pistola! ¡La pistola!

[Laughing]

[Shouting in spanish]

¡La pistola!

[Shouts in spanish]

La pistola... Donde esta la pis...

Who are you?

I am pancho hernando gonzalez enriques rodriguez,

Ex-presidente de la republica de equarico.

And I'm george washington,

Ex-president of the united states.

Ah! You have been exiled, too?

No, no. Get your hands up and tell me the truth.

Who are you?

I am telling you the truth.

Until yesterday, I am president of the republic of equarico.

Today... Ex-president.

A real live president? Oh, I'm real pleased to meet you.

Pleased to meet you.

Now you get your hands up, george!

I was kidding about being george washington. I'm gilligan.

What is in that basket, food?

Yeah, berries. You want some?

Keep your hands up and drop the basket.

No, hands up!

Drop the basket.

You eat first.

I just had breakfast.

Eat!

Enough!

You don't feel sick? No.

Eh... A little dizzy?

No.

Eh... Maybe woozy in the stomach?

No. No?

Ok.

Now I eat.

I suppose now you want me

To take you to my leader, right?

Wrong. In my country there's a saying...

"He who has g*n is the leader."

March and take my bag with you.

Hand up.

[g*nsh*t]

Was that a g*nsh*t, gilligan...

Who are you?

Heavens, the gestapo!

That was only the first b*llet.

There are little brothers in there

Waiting their turn.

Ginger: drop that g*n. We've got you covered!

You drop your weapons and come out with your hands up!

Oh... I don't understand it.

It always used to work in the movies.

Ay, chihuahua!

It's a good view from there, george.

George?

He thinks I'm washington.

Magnifico.

Almost twice as big as my country equarico.

What is the name of this place?

Well, we haven't had an official ceremony.

Howell hills has been suggested.

Oh! Who call it that?

Well, me! Me!

I have another suggestion.

I suggest we call it equarico west!

Equarico west?

Si. I have always had a dream to be the father of a country.

My father was the father of a country.

My brothers were the father of their country.

Even my mother was the father of a country.

He thinks he's conquered us.

A radical! Why, i... ¡Silencio!

Show a little more respect for your provisional presidente!

President? President?

Yes! Until it is safe to hold free, democratic elections.

And when will that be?

You should live so long.

[All talking at once]

There goes brother number .

Do I hear a cheer for your new presidente?

Hip hip...

All, weakly: hooray?

Eh.

Mr. Thurston howell iii.

How are you?

Please be seated.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

George here tells me

That you are well-acquainted with money.

Well, shall we say that money and I

Are on a first-name basis?

Good. Our country needs a strong economy!

That is why I appoint you

Secretary of my treasury.

What treasury?

That is your first assignment.

Well, you see, to have a monetary system,

A country must first possess certain rare precious metals...

In my country all you need

Is printing press and paper.

Well, I'm afraid we don't have either of those.

But we do have tree bark and my signature.

[Laughs] tree bark and your signature? Preposterous!

Suddenly it's very posterous!

But don't overdo it.

We want to stay underdeveloped enough

So we can get an american loan.

Next!

Mrs. Thurston howell iii.

Your excellency...

Oh... Thank you.

Gentlemen... Are we going to submit...

Or subvert?

I vote for subversion.

May the harvard club have mercy on my soul.

Howell! Where do we begin?

With his g*n. He's already fired sh*ts,

Which means he has only b*ll*ts left.

Then all we have to do is jump him,

Take his g*n away from him.

Yes, but someone might get hurt!

All right. We'll use that only as a last resort. That'll be plan "b".

Now, plan "a". Somehow, we've got to get him

To fire off those last sh*ts.

Oh! Oh!

Superb sh*t, rodriguez!

It was marvelous!

Please, el presidente.

Oh, yes, yes. Mr. President,

I'll bet you a stack full of tree bark

That you can't hit that little coral shell right over there...

You can't, you can't.

I cannot hit that shell?

That's right. You can't hit it.

Watch.

Hey...

You think that rodriguez es muy estupido? Huh?

Huh?

You already see with one sh*t

That I'm a cr*ck sharpsh**ter.

Oh, of course! We know that.

Now remember, you're peasants!

Your presidente will not take any more of your hanky panky!

Oh, señor presidente.

You are so talented.

You know... I got goosebumps all over

Just watching your masterful marksmanship.

You like the way rodriguez sh**t?

Oh, si.

¡Si, si, si, si, si!

Oh...

Señorita, rodriguez can do many things.

I bet you can.

You should see me dive for coins.

Oh... You know,

If I could learn to sh**t like you,

I would have had the lead

In standing cow, daughter of sitting bull.

There is nothing to it.

Oh, I couldn't learn.

Not in a million years.

I will teach you right now.

You will?

Si, si.

Oh, please do.

Si...

Ah...

I will get you a target. Wait.

Oh.

How was that?

¡Carumba! Not yet!

Let me try it again.

No! Stop! End of lesson!

And end of plan "a".

Whatever do you mean, end of plan "a"?

You don't fool rodriguez!

I have been through plan "a" too many times!

And forget about plan "b"!

You mean, you know about plan "b"?

My dear...

You cannot have a revolution without plan "b".

I will explain it to you.

You take ...

Hey, who do you think you are?

Now remember, gilligan,

The skipper can't see the doorway from over there.

You understand?

So, now wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I'll call rodriguez out and get him to stand over the net,

Then you signal the skipper.

Yeah. Take off my hat and wave it like this...

Not yet, not yet! He'll capture us!

Get over there and get ready to signal the skipper.

[Knock knock knock]

El presidente...

There's a... There's a... There's a boat out here!

A boat!

[Buzzing]

[Knock knock knock knock]

El presidente, la boata in la oceano.

Enchilada side. Yes, sir! Out here!

[Buzzing]

A boat? For me? Huh?

Where?

I don't see no boat.

Who called me?

I think I hear somebody say a boat.

Are you all right?

Yes, I'm all right, gilligan. Did we trap him?

Well, not exactly.

What do you mean, not exactly? Never mind. Here.

Hold on to this, and I'll look for myself.

Hey, what you doing there?

I just dropped by to go fishing...

Oh! Listen! You stay here!

I stay here!

You stay there!

Oh!

Stay there! Who did these things?

Don't fool around with me!

All right, georgie, you hold on to that rope,

Because I'm gonna fish you out like you never been fished before!

Oh, please, you can't sh**t gilligan!

We were all part of the scheme!

I demand a trial by jury!

I'll get the most expensive legal talent! I may handle the case myself!

Perhaps mr. Secretary treasurer, you like to go up there yourself?

I refuse to answer that on grounds that it might tend to...

[Softly] incriminate me.

Señor presidente, he's so young. He's just a boy.

A growing boy. I wanna keep growing.

Oh, I can't watch!

Don't I get a last meal or something?

All right! What would you like?!

Well, let's see... Never mind! Never mind!

It is time to teach you all a lesson!

You can't sh**t him in cold blood!

I have very warm blood. Ask the lady.

If you ask me, you're a coward

Like all the dictators!

I don't ask you. Get ready!

Get set... All: no! No! No, please!

¡Silencio! ¡Silencio! ¡Silencio!

¡Silencio!

You get me all mixed up! Now where I was?

Get ready.

Thank you.

Get ready... Get set... [Click]

[Click]

It's all right, gilligan.

There were no sh*ts.

You're sure? He might have used a sil*ncer.

But what happened to my last b*ll*ts?

Oh, yes, I remember!

In my old country, in the last communist meeting,

I used them! [Sobs]

Aw, poor fellow. I hope he has money in switzerland.

Your excellency... I am ready.

Ready for what?

To be ex*cuted.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Then you are going to exile me, of course.

Well, I never heard such nonsense.

Then... What will become of me?

You will become a member of our little community.

You mean become one of the masses?

We don't like to think of ourselves that way.

We're a free society,

And you will be free to do or become whatever you want.

Anything?

Mm-hmm.

Señora... You have just given me an idea.

You really think I should be the leader here on the island?

It's obvious.

[Skipper snores]

Well, come to think of it,

I was president of the eighth grade camera club.

You see? Even then they recognized your leadership abilities.

That's right. Besides, I was the only one who owned a camera.

Then you accept?

I don't know. I had an awful lot of trouble

Staying in power of that camera club,

Especially after I broke the camera.

But your friends need you to lean on.

You owe it to them to protect them.

I don't know if I could handle it.

If you have any problems, my door will always be open to you.

No, I don't think I should do it.

[Tantrum sounds]

All right!

All right.

Forget that they're your friends. Let them down.

I couldn't do that.

Then think about it, all right? Sleep on it.

We will decide tomorrow in the morning.

Ok.

Sleep on it.

[Mumbling]

[Crowd cheers]

Good people, this is your leader talking.

[Cheering]

I would like to promise you, uh...

I'd like to promise you, uh...

Just a second.

What should I promise them?

Promise them dis, dat, and the other ting.

I promise you dis, dat, and the other ting.

[Cheering]

So everybody, go home, kick off your shoes,

Turn on the tv, and relax... And that's an order!

Be seated.

Before the cabinet begins its contemplation,

We have to pay our respect

To the leader of our country and to our country.

Ladies, please get the flag.

Everybody rise and cheer the leader of the country:

Viva... All: ¡viva el presidente!

Viva... ¡El presidente!

Ahem.

♪

♪ G-i-double-l-i ♪

♪ G-a-n spells gilligan ♪

♪ He's the leader of a mighty nation ♪

♪ Idolized by all the population ♪

♪ G-i-double-l-i ♪

♪ G-a-n, you see ♪

♪ He's the one we adore ♪

♪ He will keep us out of w*r ♪

♪ Gilligan ♪

♪ That's me ♪

[Whistles] there's holes in the flag.

Somebody been throwing stones at it?

Nonsense. Moths.

All right, put the flag away,

And let's get down to business.

I'm glad you noticed that.

There seems to be a rising discontent among the people.

They don't like the way the country is being run.

How come? I give 'em dis, dat, and the other ting, don't i?

Of course you do. Don't listen to her.

The country is in great shape!

Have you looked out the window lately?

[Commotion]

Are you going to believe your eyes or me?

Go away, you!

Everybody, go away!

Are you going to let him talk to us that way?

We're your only loyal subjects.

Wait a minute. Everybody, I'll send for you one by one.

Right now I'd like to talk to the minister of finance.

[Gasps]

Is this any way to dress for an audience with your leader?

Well, we're in the midst of an economic recession, sir.

Oh, do not believe him. Did I not serve you

A chocolate eclair for breakfast this morning?

Be that as it may, someone is tampering with the treasury.

If you just step to the window,

I'll show you the economic state

Of your so-called great society.

What does that prove?

Every country has its low rent district.

Well, I've heard of poverty, but that is ridiculous!

Go!

And send in my secretary of the navy.

Yes, I'll pipe him aboard.

Secretary of the navy reporting, sir.

It's lies, all lies.

I haven't said anything yet!

Then speak first, then it's lies, all lies.

How's my navy holding up?

Since you brought it up, sir,

Why don't you come to the window and see for yourself?

Again?

Propaganda! Vicious propaganda!

Are you doing something about that?

Yes, sir, we are. We're teaching our sailors how to swim.

Good.

The people on shore are learning

Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

Without becoming emotionally involved.

How can you do that?

It ain't easy.

Mr. President, I can't wait any longer.

The country can't wait. We're in grave danger.

Throw the imposter out.

Yeah, throw the impostor out.

I'm no imposter.

I'm your very own spy, secret agent .

Secret agent ?

Ho ho! !

I want you to know that I've uncovered plenty.

Can't argue with that, can you?

She's in the pay of the enemy.

You're sure you're not a counter spy?

Mr. President, I have nothing to hide.

You can't argue with that either.

If you can't trust your very own spy, who can you trust?

Yeah, who can I trust?

Me. And I say the country is in great shape.

And I say it's in terrible shape. Take a look!

Not at me! At the state of the country!

Oh.

[Whooping and yelling]

That must be the window facing the west.

Where is everybody?

Where is everybody?

They have been taken care of,

Along with the rest of your cabinet.

What? Where's my loyal subjects?

Where's my cabinet?

Where are you, my cabinet?

My loyal subjects, where are you?

Where are you?! Come back!

I need you!

Would you like to join them?

What do you mean? I'm the leader of this country

And president of the eighth grade camera club!

You are not a president.

You are nothing but a puppet ruler!

Me? A puppet ruler? I don't believe it!

I can make you do anything I want!

Absolutely anything!

I can make you dance... Hee hee hee!

I can make you sit or kneel

Or I can... Take away your power

Like this! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Rodriguez, I don't wanna be your puppet!

Oh! Uh... Rodriguez. Rodriguez.

Rodriguez...

I won't be your puppet! I refuse to be your puppet!

Gilligan, what's the matter, little buddy?

Gilligan!

Rodriguez! I won't be your puppet!

Rodriguez, I won't be your puppet!

You do not have to, george.

Oh, good. Where you going?

Back to my own country.

Wait, rodriguez, wait!

Don't leave us here!

A boat has come to pick me up.

The loyalists are in power again,

And I am again their leader.

I will send a ship for you,

My own, personal ship

From my own, personal country!

We'll be waiting!

¡Adios, amigos!

Adios! Adios!

I will see you soon!

We're gonna be rescued, gilligan!

We're gonna be rescued, gilligan!

Bye!

[Yelling]

¡Adios, amigos!

We're gonna be rescued! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

Yay, yay, yay!

¡Adios! ¡Adios, amigos!

And since we will be living

In a spanish speaking country until we return home,

I think it only proper and good manners

That we know a little of the language.

Now, if you'll repeat after me...

Buenos dias.

Good day.

Buenos dias. Good day.

Announcer: this is eddie gallagher of wtop in washington, d.c.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Turn that up.

We interrupt our regular broadcast for a special announcement.

Following yesterday's counter-revolution in equarico,

A counter-counter revolution again unseated president rodriguez.

This time his downfall was attributed to insanity

Since he insisted that he had been dictator of a deserted island

With people on it.

At last reports, he was being parachuted into permanent exile

On the highest peaks atop the andes mountains.

A deserted island with people on it!

No wonder they think he's crazy.

All: oh, no!

There goes our rescue again!

I don't know how this always works!

Could have saved us!

All right. Everybody repeat after me:

Repeat after me.

Buenas noches.

Good night!

♪ Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In their tropic island nest ♪

♪ No phone, no lights ♪

♪ No motor cars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪