04x02 - Chapter Thirty: The Uninvited

[bunniefuu]

For what we are about to receive,
may the Lord make us truly thankful.

Amen.

Mommy? Do you smell that?
It smells like bad trash.

Oh, Lucy.

Probably Mr. Saracen
left a bag by the elevator.

I'll check after dinner. Okay?

I'm sorry. I can't help you.

You have to go.

Please.

My little girl's just inside.

Wha...

How did...

What did you do to my mommy?

So, Carl, what did you think of the movie?
I mean, isn't Alien a legit masterpiece?

Like pure distilled horror.

Honestly, Carl, think about it.
You're alone in the universe.

The only other living thing
is this alien creature

that no one invited to the party,
who has acid blood and wants to k*ll you.

I don't know, Sabrina.
I thought it was kind of boring in parts.

Are you gonna eat your pickle?

No. No. You can have it.

Well, this was fun, Carl!

I'm glad we did this.

Yeah. Me too.

I really liked the movie.

- And, Sabrina, I really like you.
- Oh.

Same. So see you at school.

Bye.

Oh my gosh! I completely forgot.

- Melvin.
- Hey, Sabrina.

Ready to go?

Yeah. Absolutely.

So, Melvin, how you been doing?

Well, ever since Elspeth and Dorcas...

d*ed, I haven't been sleeping,
or eating, or exercising.

And...

I know your Aunt Hilda's getting married,

and I was wondering
if you had a date to the wedding yet,

because if not,

I'd be honored to escort you.

Well, this was fun, Melvin.

Glad we did this.

Me too.
And you'll let me know about the wedding?

Absolutely.

Well, good night, Sabrina.

Mm.

Good night, Melvin.

I'll see you at the Academy. Bye.

Dating is insane, Salem.

Can't wait to tell Sabrina all about it.

Come on. I'm meeting her
in the yellow wallpaper room.

What is that?

I don't know.

Uh...

What's... what's up?

Listen, you probably
shouldn't be back here. You...

You should come inside, please. Come in.

Take a seat. Make yourself at home.

Roz, what are you doing?

I just got a weird vibe from my cunning
just now that we should help him.

That if we turned him away,
something bad would happen.

Well, what are we gonna do now?

Who is he, do you think?

I don't know...

...but maybe I can find out
with the cunning.

Can we...

get you anything else?

Some more soup?

Maybe some blankets?

Roz! Roz!

I'm okay. I'm okay.

What did you see, Roz,

when he grabbed your arm?

My mind was flooded...

with pictures...

images.

I just...

I wanna forget...

whoever or whatever that was...

and just be here...

with you right now.

Is that okay?

Of course, Rosalind.

Totally.

So, who'd you like more, Carl or Melvin?

Eh, both are nice guys,

but I didn't really feel a spark
with either of them.

I mean, neither one is the one,
if such a thing exists.

Hey, now, when we were dating Harvey,
he felt like the one.

- At the time, he did, yes.
- And when we were dating Nick,

- he also felt like the one.
- Hmm.

Which means
you've almost found the one twice.

Who knows? Maybe just someone who combines
the best qualities of the two.

Sweet and gentle like Harvey,
hot and wild like Nick.

What are the chances?

They're actually pretty good.

In fact,
I think I've already found my one.

Don't laugh, but...

it's Caliban.

- Sabrina, you can't be serious.
- I am, Brina. And...

Don't freak out.
I know this is fast, but...

Caliban and I are getting married
later this week.

What?

Getting married?

You barely know him.

No, you barely know him.
We've spent a lot of time together.

Well, he tried to k*ll us.

Well, he tried to trap us.

Anyway, he's changed.

You're too young,
and you're right, this is way too fast.

What do Lilith and our father
think of this?

They're... supportive.

I must admit I'm surprised
at how approving you are of this wedding.

Your only daughter getting married.

One might suppose
that one might be more...

selective.

It's a useful union.

Caliban has no family who might try
to wrest control of the throne.

He's made of clay, so he won't pollute
the Morningstar bloodline.

But most importantly,
have you seen him shirtless?

He and Sabrina
will provide me beautiful grandchildren.

Grandchildren?

What does that mean for our child?

Competition, I should imagine.

By the way,
our neighbors are getting married.

What neighbors, Mary?

The shopkeeper from across the street.

You met him last week

when we moved
the Pilgrims of the Night Church

from the tent.

His name is Dr. Cerberus,

and he's marrying an aunt
of one of my students, Sabrina Spellman.

Isn't that fascinating?

Looks like some horrible beggar man.

Shh! Silence, child.

Go. Open the door.

Father Blackwood?

Do you not recognize our guest, Sisters?

The Lonely One.

Vagrant of the Void.

This is the Uninvited,

one of our eldritch terrors.

Come in!

Come in, Sacred Brother.

You will find comfort with us here.

Fetch and offer him
food, water, and warmth.

Those who do not welcome the Uninvited
welcome their heartless deaths instead.

Rejoice, Sisters,

for tonight,
we host a deadly herald of the End Times.

Harvey.

Hmm?

Harvey?

What's all this?

This...

These are what I saw
when that guy grabbed my arm.

But how did you draw them?

Uh...

Maybe...

you passed them to me when we...

- Uh...
- Relax, Romeo.

So what, you just...

drew them in your sleep?

Uh, when I was a kid,
I used to sleepwalk all the time.

Maybe this was like...

sleep-drawing.

Ugh, we have been through this already!

All I want is a nice, quiet,
family wedding,

a small ceremony right here in our parlor,

and candles, and a fire,

and everybody dressed
as their favorite movie monsters.

Please do stop bleating, Sister.

- You'll give me a migraine.
- Morning.

- Yes, hello.
- Is everything okay?

Yes, it's fine.
You know, well, it's hunky-dory, actually,

because your Aunt Zee
wants to make my wedding all about her.

- Hilda?
- Yes?

As High Priestess of the Order of Hecate,
it is my solemn duty

to officiate the weddings and funerals
of all my congregation.

You, despite what you may think,
are no exception.

Right.

Fine.

Sabrina, I was just wondering
if in the reception afterwards,

which is gonna be at Dorian's,
which you must not commandeer, Spellman,

um, I wondered if Harvey

and his little band might like
to play for us?

Yeah, I can ask. Sure.

And my loveliest,
prettiest, beautifulest niece,

I was just wondering
if you might be my flower girl

and maybe do a little toast?

Aunt Hilda, I'd be honored.

Thank you.

Oh, now before I forget, Sister,

we must exorcise your groom's sex demon
once and for all.

Damascus steel won't do much good
on your wedding night,

and the last thing you want

is to be torn limb from limb
by an incubus.

Oh, hang on.

- Yes, Spellman Sisters' Mortuary.
- How may I assist you?

Hello?

Oh.

Oh dear!

Yes, bring them around.
We'll take care of them.

Bye.

Oh, Ambrose, you're gonna be busy.

That was the coroner's office.

They're bringing around
a handful of bodies.

- A handful?
- Yeah.

I'll get that.

- Sabrina?
- Lilith? What are you doing here?

I came to see if your aunts
could possibly talk some sense into you

about this preposterous wedding of yours.

Right.

But since I just left Hell
where you were tasting wedding cakes,

I suspect we'll be having
a different conversation now, won't we?

Two Sabrinas meeting in secret?
You really are something, you know that?

Even with that yellow room of yours,
you're still risking a temporal paradox.

Well, I doubt
we'll be meeting that much anymore

now that Sabrina's marrying Caliban.

Oh, you don't approve?

Are you jealous
of Sabrina Morningstar's happiness?

She got that realm to rule,
a handsome beau…

- I'm not jealous.
- Really?

How could I be jealous of myself?

I just don't want Sabrina
to marry the wrong guy is all.

Well, imagine that.
For once, we are aligned.

No, despite what Sabrina says,
he's not a good guy.

Ooh, we could k*ll him!

W-we could,
and that's not off the table, but...

maybe we should try
to break them up first.

Have Caliban meet me at the Academy.

He needs to know exactly
what he's getting himself into.

My love, my lady.

Why do you wish to meet me here?

Because, Caliban, I've been living in Hell
more or less full-time,

but once we're married,

I wanna start splitting my time again
between Hell and here.

I also wanted you to see her, Hecate.

She's who I worship now.

The female ideal, the Three-in-One,
goddess of witches.

Our Dark Mother.

But...

...you're Lucifer's daughter,
the Queen of Hell.

Yes, but I'm also a witch,
and Hecate's stronger than my father.

Cards on the table, Caliban.
Would you ever consider converting?

What? I, uh...

Possibly.

What would that entail?

I'm glad you asked.

But... maybe my friend Prudence
can explain it better.

Why don't we go outside for some air? Hmm?

The thing about our Dark Mother is,

Hecate requires very specific devotion

from the men who worship her.

Which is what?

Well, put plainly,

the men in the Order of Hecate
must be gelded.

You're joking.

Not a bit.

In fact, I am the woman Hecate entrusted

with the sacred supplication
of our male cohorts.

A role I gladly embrace.

Mmm.

Your sacrifice will be complete
in a matter of seconds.

We'll heat the blade, of course.

My lady,
there is little I wouldn't give you,

but...

I cannot relinquish my manhood.

I want to be a real husband to you,
and don't you wish to be a mother?

But I'm 16.

Besides, we could adopt.

Sabrina, I want to be a real father.

That's offensive, Caliban.

You know I'm adopted, right?

And you say these things,
that you wanna be a real husband,

a real father,
but that requires real sacrifice.

And if you're not willing
to even consider what I'm asking, then...

- maybe this is a bad idea.
- Yeah, perhaps it is.

I, um...

I need to think.

Yes, you do that.

I hear the Mountains of Madness
are beautiful this time of year.

Well?

Go.

Nicholas, Melvin,

in advance of my sister's wedding,

her betrothed must be exorcised
of an incubus,

a male demon
who provokes violent, fatal lust.

Will you boys do the honors? Tout suite?

So, what we...

Don't forget just to do it gently,
like get it out of him gently,

'cause he's been through such a lot.

Gently.

How you doing, Doc?

How do you think I'm doing?
I'm... I'm freakin' terrified.

Oh, this will be quick,
like pulling a tooth.

You see, the incubus will jump out of you,

and I'll direct it
into the demon trap Melvin's holding.

Well, what if it doesn't wanna come out?

Uh, the incubus is a male demon.
We'll be invoking the Dark Mother.

Trust me,
there's nothing an incubus fears more

than the Divine Feminine.

Part of me's surprised
it hasn't jumped already.

Question. My Aunt Hilda wants to know

if the Fright Club can play
at her reception.

Are you guys down?

Uh, yeah, of course. But, Brina, listen...

last night, this weird beggar dude
showed up at my garage.

And then I touched his arm,

and I saw these horrible things
inside him.

And this morning,
I woke up, and I had drawn the things.

Any clue what they are?

No.

But my cousin may know.

Five corpses, Salem...

all with their hearts missing.

Alas, yes, they...

...were all still alive
when their hearts were removed.

You're right.

They probably saw...

their k*ller before they d*ed.

And with a bit of necromancy,

I can extract an image
of what they witnessed...

as they perished.

As easy as developing a photograph.

Ambrose, can we come down? We need you.

Uh...

So long as whoever you're with
is not squeamish.

Wait. No.

Hold on. Could this represent Darkness?

Absolute Darkness?

Hold on. This is the guy from last night.

Ambrose, where did you get these?

These photos are the last images
beheld by these poor unfortunate souls

before their hearts were ripped out.

- That could've been us.
- Thank Hecate it wasn't.

But what was different
about your encounter?

Why were you spared?

I don't know.

I just got a vibe
that we should let him in.

You showed him kindness, hospitality...

Would you be so kind as to...

You have to go.

She turned the beggar away.

She didn't invite him in like we did.

That's why he ripped their hearts out.

Because they were heartless.

Sweet Satan, I believe this is the work
of an eldritch terror.

Hecate help us! Which one?

Well, if the vagrant you met
is a physical manifestation of a terror,

he could be the Unwashed,
the Unloved, the Unwanted...

the Uninvited.

Harvey Kinkle, you brilliant squire.

We can... We can use your drawings
to identify terrors yet to come.

How many of those did you draw?

Um, eight altogether.

Eight drawings, eight potential terrors.

One of them currently running amok
in Greendale.

What should we do? Should we warn people?

As mortals, you can't do much
against an eldritch terror.

They're not monsters. They are entities
beyond human comprehension.

We helped against the Darkness.

That is true.

All right, uh... All right...

We witches will formulate a plan,

and we will come to you
when the time is right.

But for the meantime,
gird yourselves, friends.

There is another w*r brewing, I'm afraid,
in the far reaches of the cosmos,

where I can already hear
the steady b*ating of apocalyptic drums.

You had one job, one,

before our premier
sacred Hectian nuptial sacrament,

and now there's an incubus loose
in Greendale.

You must make sure
this demon doesn't get near the groom

or any of our other male guests,
am I clear?

We have to cancel Aunt Hilda's wedding.

And why in the name
of the Three-in-One would we do that?

The Absolute Darkness that our coven faced
has a relation in town,

a fellow eldritch terror
called the Uninvited,

who is presently unaccounted for,

alongside six other eldritch terrors
waiting in the wings.

Ambrose, your Aunt Hilda and her beau

fought tooth and nail
to make it to their wedding day.

We will safeguard against these terrors

and our rogue incubus,
but this wedding is happening.

I'm really excited to be playing
this wedding gig with you guys, Theo.

You look so damn sexy holding that bass.

I'm excited to be playing with you.

Uninvited one, I am your acolyte.

I am your...

priest.

Will you not speak to me
of the coming destruction?

You're a herald of the Void.
You must speak to me.

Father Blackwood...

let me try.

I am a teacher, after all.

Oh, I see.

I see what the issue is.

It seems our...

our guest doesn't have a tongue.

- No tongue?
- No.

- Is that all? Agatha.
- Hmm?

- Bring me a tongue, child.
- What?

Lady Morningstar.

Caliban.

I reflected on our conversation.

I have something for you...

the requested offering.

I don't understand.

Where did you get that tongue?

One of our congregants, a chatty one.

You've been naughty, Sabrina.

You lied to Caliban
to drive a wedge between us.

Don't deny it.
And don't worry. I'm not mad.

- You're not?
- No...

because I understand why you did it.

You're lonely.
And just so you know, he did it.

That sacrifice for your Dark Mother,

Caliban did it.

Oh no.

Don't worry. He's made of clay. He's fine.

- Oh.
- But the point is,

he was willing to do that for me.

So in a way, your game's helped to prove
that Caliban's a good guy.

I'm sorry, Sabrina.

Sabrina, are you happy?

Because it doesn't seem like you are.

I should be, right?

I got the life I thought I wanted,
surrounded by the people I love, but...

I still feel alone,

and I don't know why.

Are you happy?

Yes.

Every day in Hell's a new adventure.

And tomorrow I get to marry the man
I'm crazy about.

And I want you to be there,
which is why I'm giving you this.

I understand if you can't make it, but...

just know you're invited.

Wait.

I wanna give you something.

A wedding gift, something borrowed.

Our special place.

I'll cherish it forever.

Thank you, Sabrina.

I've sent the others away. We're alone...

two Pilgrims of the Night.

They said you were a harbinger.

A herald requires a sizable audience.

I know where you can find one.

And what do you seek, Priest?

Bless me,

and I will help you bring about
the final tearing down of realities.

There.

You have been blessed.

Now tell me, Priest,

which door shall I knock on next?

Sabrina, love?

Sabrines. Hey, are you...

What's the matter? Why are you crying?

- No, I am so happy for you.
- Yeah.

- Auntie, you're the most beautiful bride.
- Yeah, well, sorry, but...

Okay, sit down. Come on. Come on.

Why are you crying?

I don't wanna ruin your day.

You won't.

It's so stupid.

I'm just feeling...

lame and lonely.

I'm sorry.

Aw! Oh, you're so young.

Hon, you, my sweet, gorgeous girl,
are smart and kind.

And when you fall for someone,

you give your love completely
and selflessly.

You're gonna fall in love again,
you know that...

and again, and again.

Just you can't see it yet is all.

Mmm. I just wish
I could fast-forward to that.

Why would you...

But then you'd miss
all the brilliant bits.

I mean, look at me.

I mean, I was alone
at 16, and 60, and 160.

- Auntie?
- Yeah?

- I got it.
- Oh.

What I'm trying really poorly to say
is that...

- the right person is worth the wait.
- Hmm.

Now,

at the edge of the Greendale woods,
you will find a desecrated church

filled with witches having a wedding.

Should you be denied at the church,
they'll undoubtedly host a reception,

probably at a local tavern
known as Dorian's Gray Room.

I'll draw you a map to get you there.

Here you are, a suit worthy of our guest.

Well done, Agatha.

Take no pity or mercy
upon the wedding party you find.

They're unworthy of your terrors.

Though our friend looks like a vagrant,

my strong suspicion is that
he is an eldritch terror...

possibly the Uninvited.

He kills anyone
who does not let him through their door.

With a foul face like that,
who can blame them?

If this gentleman knocks on our door,
we must let him in.

We tell him we're saving him a seat,
which we will do.

All other strangers,

who may or may not be inhabited
by a stray incubus, are not to enter.

Sabrina,
you and Nicholas are on door duty.

So Melvin, huh?

He doesn't seem to be your type.

We went on a date, one date.

I don't have a type.

Sure you do.

Sexy but wounded.

Dangerous guys you can fix.

I can't tell, Nick,
are you flirting with me or insulting me?

Bride or groom?

Do you have an invitation?

Then you can't come in. Sorry.

Come along, Nicky.

I saved us a place
that's nice and private.

What do you say, Sabrina?

- Can you handle this alone?
- Alone? Sure.

Might as well get used to it.

Ooh! It's gonna be a long night.

♪ The love shack is a little old place ♪

♪ Where we can get together ♪

♪ Love shack, baby ♪

♪ A love shack, baby ♪

♪ Love shack, baby, love shack ♪

♪ Love shack, baby, love shack ♪

- ♪ Love shack, baby, love shack ♪
- ♪ That's where it's at ♪

♪ Love shack, baby, love shack... ♪

Drop of mother's ruin
to see you through the day?

Hmm?

It's gin.

Sure.

Don't be stingy with that pour.
I have a toast to give later.

♪ And I gotta get back ♪

- ♪ Love shack, baby, love shack ♪
- ♪ That's where it's at ♪

♪ Love shack, baby, love shack ♪

♪ Dancin' and a-lovin' at the love shack ♪

For those of you who don't know me,
I am Sabrina,

the bride's spinster niece.

And tonight,
I'd like to say a few words about love.

Love is...

Well, what is love anyway?

I know it when I see it.

For instance, I look at my Aunt Hilda
and Dr. Cerberus, and I see love...

...a love that defied death,
and that is an amazing thing.

Then I look over at Harvey,
my ex-boyfriend,

and the lovely Roz, my best friend.

I see love there too.

And, you know,

that's... that's awesome.

Is Sabrina drunk?

And then I look at Theo and Robin,

and I see love there too.

Young love, new love.

Truly, I look around this room,

and all I see is love.

Well, except for Nick, another ex of mine,

who's with Prudence.

Are they in love? I don't know.

I suppose it beats hooking up
with random sex demons, huh?

Thank you. Thank you, Sabrina.

You know, my Aunt Hilda and...

Just by the way,
doesn't she look lovely, everyone?

Like a real vision.

Please make it stop. Make it stop.

Anyway... Anyway...

My Aunt Hilda told me
that it might be, oh, 150 years

before I meet someone who will love me.

Miscommunication.

A century and a half.

But I don't know,
given the run I've been on lately,

which, no offense to Melvin,
who, by the way,

is jacked underneath that sweater vest,

I'm thinking
that might be a little optimistic.

Mr. Kinkle, if you please.

You should be ashamed, Sabrina.

This is your Aunt Hilda's special day,
one she's waited for for... decades,

and you turned it
into a pity party for yourself.

I'm so sorry.

If you're truly sorry,

drink some water and some coffee
and try to sober up.

♪ I'd sit alone and watch your light ♪

♪ My only friend through teenage nights ♪

♪ And everything I had to know ♪

♪ I heard it on my radio ♪

♪ You gave them all those old time stars ♪

♪ Through wars of worlds invaded by Mars ♪

♪ You made 'em laugh, you made 'em cry ♪

♪ You made us feel like we could fly ♪

♪ So don't become some background noise ♪

♪ A backdrop for the girls and boys ♪

♪ Who just don't know or just don't care ♪

♪ And just complain
When you're not there ♪

♪ You've had your time
You've had the power ♪

♪ You've yet to have your finest hour ♪

♪ Radio ♪

♪ All we hear is radio ga ga ♪

♪ Radio goo goo ♪

♪ Radio ga ga ♪

♪ All we hear is radio ga ga ♪

♪ Radio blah blah ♪

♪ Radio, what's new? ♪

♪ Radio ♪

♪ Someone still loves you ♪

Holy sh*t, it's the incubus!

Oh sh*t, it's in Melvin.

Is he one of yours?

What happened to the incubus?

I think he absorbed him.

But who is he? And why is he here?

He had no invitation, so Nick and I
kept him out of the ceremony.

Oh no.

It's him. It's...

The Uninvited!

Stranger, reveal thyself!

All right. Come on now, lad.
You've had your fun.

But this is a private event,
with a strict dress code.

I thought Dorian was immortal.

Immortal, yes, indestructible, no.
Look at his portrait.

Who are you?

What do you want?

A toast.

To the end of all things.

Do as he says.

Everyone raise their glass.

In the beginning, there was darkness.

Then there was fire.

The first sentient beings
gathered around that fire.

And when I tried to join them,

they turned me away.

And in that moment,

I, the Uninvited, was named.

When the fire d*ed down,

I returned to the filth that rejected me
and k*lled them in their sleep.

Then I wandered the cosmos...

alone.

Always alone.

Until I came upon a great table,

and a seat was offered to me.

I sat between the first eldritch terror,

Darkness, my sister,

and the third terror,
my brother, the Weird.

I am the herald of the Void.

I feast on the hearts
of those that reject me.

And someone here turned me away,

therefore, death to you all.

Excuse me.

Hello, sorry. Um...

I am so sorry
that you went through all of that.

It's horrible.

And whoever turned you away,

they shouldn't have.
They didn't have the right.

And it's my wedding, and only I say
who's invited and who isn't, and...

you are invited.

Too late.

It was me.

I turned you away.

So k*ll me,

- but spare everyone else.
- No.

Nick, you're not doing this again.

Sabrina.

Cousin,

he is a being of phenomenal cosmic power.

If you anger him, he may smite you
and the rest of us where we stand.

You've already taken a heart, Dorian's.

And I have an invite

to an even better party than this one,
in Hell.

There you'll find
everything you're looking for.

Warmth, food, companionship,
a c*ptive audience.

And no one will turn you away,
not with this.

It doesn't have my name.

True, but it has mine,
and you could be my plus one.

Sabrina, you can't.

We're just going to a party in Hell,
Aunt Zee.

What could go wrong?

Sabrina Spellman.

You showed up, I see.

And you brought a friend.

Lilith, this is my honored guest.

Will you please keep him company

while I have a private moment
with my twin sister?

- She's getting dressed.
- Perfect.

Lilith will take good care of you,
and I'll be right back.

You brought one of the eldritch terrors?

The Uninvited.
He's been k*lling people in Greendale.

He m*rder*d Dorian Gray
at Aunt Hilda's wedding.

So you brought him to mine?

I didn't know what else to do.
I thought he might do less damage in Hell.

Is the most beautiful bride in the realm
ready for unholy...

Why am I seeing double?

What game are you playing at?

It's no game, Dad.

There are two of us,
and it's a complicated story.

I knew it.
On the balcony for your coronation,

I knew you were hiding something from me,
but this...

You can be mad at us all you want, Dad,
but right now, we have a big problem.

There's an eldritch terror
in the throne room.

The Uninvited.
And we have to stop him somehow, k*ll him.

You can't k*ll an eldritch terror.

They are horror incarnate.

The idea of horror with enough power
to tear through all the realms,

including this one.

What about trapping it?

In theory, perhaps you could,
but an Acheron wouldn't do it.

You'd need a prison
that exists outside of space and time.

Hold on.

I think I gave you one earlier today.

If you're thinking what I'm thinking,
I think you did.

What are you two on about?

We may have a plan.

But you're gonna
have to listen closely, Dad,

because we're only gonna get
one sh*t at this.

I know we just met,

and this is gonna sound
a little sudden, but...

I've been feeling so alone lately.

I just wanna feel
like I belong somewhere...

with someone.

And I get the sense
that you know what that feels like too,

to be hopelessly alone.

So, I was wondering if you would

maybe consider marrying me?

Hear me out.

If we got married,
you'd always have a home.

We would be welcomed in two realms, and...

forevermore, you'd be the Invited.

So...

what do you say?

Stop!

Stop the wedding!

Sabrinas, Caliban, Honored Guest,

you four have expressed your commitment
to one another before the hordes of Hell.

It is with this in mind

that I, Lucifer Morningstar,

pronounce you husbands and wives.

You have kissed a thousand times,
perhaps more.

But today, the kiss is a promise

to forever be...

united.

Husbands, you may kiss your brides.

Now it's your turn.

Ugh!

Friends and fiends,

won't you all join us
in the Garden of Infernal Delight

for cocktails and canapes?

Hey, today was brutal.

What do you say we skip the reception
and cut straight to our wedding night?

See that doorway over there?

May I carry you across the threshold?

Sure.

This room is very special to me.

Isn't it so warm and inviting?

Go ahead. Make yourself at home...

while I slip into something
a little more comfortable.

Wait.

This isn't right.

Where have you brought me?

You've broken my heart.

What now?

You leave, interloper.

And for the sake of the cosmos,
henceforth you two Sabrinas are forbidden

from ever seeing each other again.

I banish you, false daughter,
from my realm.

Return at your own peril.

And take the house with you.

No eldritch terror shall reside in Hell.

Wait.

Can I hug at her at least?

Very well, if you must.

Sabrina.

- Still happy?
- I am.

I made my own happiness.

And I hope you can too.

Remember...

secret best friends forever.

Secret best friends forever.

I don't know, Salem.

I don't know why I'm crying.

Cousin, you're alive.

We were about to send
a rescue party to Hell.

- Are you all right, love?
- I'm okay, Auntie.

And I'm so sorry about my toast.
I hope I didn't ruin your reception.

You didn't ruin it.
That was the Uninvited.

- If anything, you saved us.
- Sabrina, where is the Uninvited?

Trapped in the yellow room,
sealed with a binding spell,

existing out of space and time.

We should interrogate it to find out more
about the terrors to come,

find out what we can do to stop them
before the annihilation happens.

Shh. Ambrose.

Tomorrow.

Tonight...

I mean, given that we're all here,
and we're safe and sound,

and given the shitshow
that was our reception...

Again, not your fault, Sabrina.

If nobody objects...
I don't think anybody will.

...there is...

there's one more thing
that I would like to do.

Hildegarde Antoinette Spellman,

as soon as I looked you in the eye,
I knew you were the one,

the love of my life.

And I still can't believe
I get to grow old with you,

my fierce, my beautiful wife.

I love you, Hilda,

now and forever.

Aw.

Dr. Cee.

Kenny.

For my whole life, I didn't...

I didn't really feel very special...

...um,

but you make me feel like maybe I am.

And today, I'm not the bridesmaid.
I'm the bride.

Uh, but most importantly, I'm your bride.

And who would have thought
that the day I walked into your store

a few weeks ago, or months ago,
or whenever it was...

...that I wouldn't just get a job,
and that I would...

meet you,

this man, this very good man, who, um...

who really makes me laugh and smile
like no other,

who really makes me love like no other.

I love you.

Oh, for Hecate's sake, Hilda,

just kiss the man.

Father, where is the Uninvited?

It matters not, Agatha.

For the next eldritch terror...

is fast approaching.

Soon we shall bear witness
to the perverse face of the Weird.

Sabrina's moved on with her life, Salem...

with being queen, with Caliban,

with having fun.

She's having fun.

I don't know
if this is the right thing to do, but...

she did say
I should make my own happiness.

The best parts of Nick and Harvey.