05x15 - Please Don't Give My Jeannie No More Wine

[bunniefuu]

There's nothing to worry about.

Just act pleasant and talk about
normal, everyday things,

like the weather.
Yes, master.

Oh, and Jeannie,
don't call me "master."

Oh. Of course, husband.

Yeah, well, now "husband"
is not quite right either.

That sounds so ancient.

Um...
Well, I am ancient.

Yeah. Well, I know that,

but I don't want Dr. Bellows to
find out exactly how ancient.

Oh.
Uh... Uh...

call me Tony, darling, dear.
Anything like that.

Oh. Tony darling dear.
That is nice.

[BOTH GIGGLE]

Just smile and nod a lot, huh?
Oh.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Here we are.

Oh, doggone it.
I forgot a gift.

A gift?
Yeah.

Is it someone's birthday?

Uh, no, no, no.

B-but when you come to
someone's house for a party,

it's nice to bring
some flowers or some wine,

or something like that.
Oh.

Well, you need not
worry, master.

I can supply the gift.
Huh?

Yeah. What's that?
A gift.

Come in. Come in.

Hello.
Hello, please come in.

Hello. I hope we are not
too late.

Oh, not at all.

I just hate people who
come right on the dot.

We brought you a bottle of wine.

Oh, well, how very sweet of you.

Oh, how adorable.
Alfred, isn't that sweet?

We can have it with our dinner.

Oh, you needn't have done that.

[COUGHS]

Isn't that an interesting-
looking bottle.

But...
[BLOWS]

I... I can't quite
read the label.

What language is that in?

Oh. That is Persian.

It says,
"Emir's Delight."

You can read Persian?

Oh, yes.

Uh, the liquor store owner
told us what it said.

A-and that is
the vintage.

Fifteen ninety one?

An excellent year.

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

Major Nelson...

this wine is nearly
400 years old.

Yeah.

I believe it, from
the looks of the bottle.

Uh, no, I think it's a
typographical error, sir.

I think that reads, uh, 1951.

Oh.
[LAUGHS]

Of course.
How silly of me.

Well, I... I wonder
whose picture that is.

Oh, that is Abbas I.

Shah of Persia
from 1586 to 1621.

He was particularly fond
of this wine.

Was he?
Hm.

Did the liquor store owner
tell you all that?

Oh, no.
I knew him. Heh.

You knew...?

Intimately. Yes.

Oh, she reads
a lot of history, uh,

on the Middle East.

She's a great history buff.

Yeah, a great buff.

Oh. Well, for heaven...
For a minute...

Well, listen, I don't know how
this wine is going to taste,

but believe me, it certainly is

an interesting
conversation piece, isn't it?

Ha-ha-ha. Thank you.
Shall we go in?

Yes.

Where'd you get the wine?

From the cellar of
the Great Djinn.

You mean the date on
that thing is correct?

Yes, master. Oh,
do not worry, master.

The Great Djinn only
drinks the best. Oh.

May I help you,
Mrs. Bellows?

Oh. No, thank you, dear.

Everything's all ready.

I thought we'd eat right away.

Alfred gets very testy
when he's hungry.

Oh, Amanda, I do not.

See what I mean?
He's very testy.

Won't you sit down,
dear, right there?

Is this ours?
Oh, thank you very much, major.

Of course. And if you'd sit
right over there, opposite me.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.
Doctor.

I'm so anxious to
taste that wine.

It looks absolutely heavenly.

Alfred, would you mind
opening the wine for us, please?

Oh, of course.
I'll get it.

It's perfectly all right, major.

I'm perfectly capable
of popping a cork.

Oh, uh, by the way,

we're having a rather
important guest

stop by after dinner.

Oh, here you are, dear.

Oh. Ooh.

I really don't understand
why you invited him.

Why did you, dear?

Oh, because he happens to be

a member of the House
Appropriations Committee,

and General Schaeffer
suggested it.

Uh, uh, uh...
Congressman Farragut?

Uh, that's right.

He's coming here?
Yes. Uh...

He's conducting
a full-dress study

of the space program.

That's why I must impress you
that it's very important

to see that everything
goes all right.

Let me help you with that, sir.

Why don't I take this back
to the liquor store?

I'm sure I can get a refund.

It's perfectly all right.
It's your wine.

I must say that if this cork...

Oh!

[♪]

[LAUGHS]

That was beautiful, Alfred.

You should have been
a maitre d'.

Oh, the strangest thing
that ever happened to me.

It just came out
all of a sudden.

Just serve the wine, dear.

Now, here we are.

Let's see.

Mmm.

Delicious bouquet.

Marvelous.
Simply marvelous.

Well, I'm glad you like it, sir.

Darling, do you plan on
drinking it all yourself?

[LAUGHING]
Oh. I'm sorry.

Here we are.

Alfred, our guests.
Darling, first, please.

BELLOWS:
Oh.

Of course.

Whoever picked this wine out
made a wonderful choice.

Oh, why, thank you.

Oh, um, try it,
Amanda. Try it.

You're going to
absolutely love it.

Not too sweet, not too dry.

AMANDA:
Oh. All right.

It is delicious.

Well, I have a very good idea.

I think I'm going to serve
everything at one time.

May I have your plates, please?

Jeannie, your plate?

Huh? Oh.

Thank you.

Now, let me see,

what kind of meat
do you prefer, Jeannie?

Do you like light or dark?

Thank you.

Rare, please.

Rare chicken?

[BELLOWS LAUGHING]

BELLOWS: Funny, Jeannie.
Rare chicken indeed.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Well, anything.
Anything at all.

Alfred, where are you?

Dropped my napkin.

Here you are, dear.

I've given you
a little bit of both.

BELLOWS:
Pass the rolls, please.

Alfred, you didn't have to
go in the kitchen.

They're right here on the table.

BELLOWS: What kitchen?
I'm right here.

Right where?
I can't see you.

AMANDA:
Oh, there you are.

[COUGHING]

Anthony, what is the matter?

BELLOWS: What is
it, Major Nelson?

Something caught in my throat.

AMANDA:
But I haven't served you yet.

[COUGHING]

Oh.
[GRUNTING]

I gotta talk to you.

Excuse us, please.

AMANDA:
Oh, I hope he's all right.

May I have your plate, dear?

BELLOWS:
Well, certainly.

[COUGHING]

What's going on?

I do not know, master.

Can you see 'em?
No. Can you?

Not even an outline.

But they can see us,
and each other.

Oh, that's great wine.
Great wine.

Well, I am sorry, master.
I did not know.

The Great Djinn must have
put something in it.

Yeah... Well, do you think
you can fix it?

Well, I will try.
Try?

Yes.

It did not work.

BELLOWS:
Major Nelson!

Coming, ma'am... Sir.
Ha-ha-ha.

How long do you think it's gonna
take for that stuff to wear off?

Only the Great Djinn
would know that.

Well, maybe it's like
regular alcohol.

When the wine wears off,
they'll reappear, huh?

Mmm. Perhaps.
Yeah.

All right.

Well, in the meantime,
we'll have to act natural

and pretend that they're there.
Yes, master.

Don't let 'em drink
any more wine.

No, master.
Fine. That ought to do it.

[YELPS]

Farragut.
Oh, I beg your pardon.

Congre...
Congressman Farragut.

What's he gonna do
when he sees them?

Or doesn't see them?
Oh, master, master.

Perhaps we could get him to
drink some of the wine.

[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]
That's a grand idea.

So, what are you going to do?

I don't know.
I'll think of something.

Act natural.
Coming.

[PHONE RINGING]

BELLOWS:
I'll get it, dear.

Here we are.

Oh. It looks
wonderful.

Yes, it certainly does.

I... I certainly admire

your wife's cooking,
Dr. Bellows.

AMANDA: Major, is something wrong
with your eyes this evening?

Alfred is answering
the telephone.

I've always enjoyed
Mrs. Bellows' cooking, doctor!

BELLOWS:
Hello?

Oh, hello, congressman.

BELLOWS: No. No, no, no, no.
It's...

No, no, no, it's
not too early at all.

Come ahead. You can have
some dessert with us.

Fine. We'll see you
in a few minutes.

Dr. Bellows, wait. Sir.

Wait. Wait,
Dr. Bellows.

Wait. Wait, sir!

BELLOWS:
Oh!

Major Nelson, can't you

watch where you're going?

Oh.
You ran right into me.

[TONY GROANS]

Oh, I'm sorry.
Huh. Sorry, sir.

Here. Uh, let me
help you up here.

BELLOWS: And how do you
propose to do that

when you're holding on
to my ankle?

Here. Oh.

Sir, about
Congressman Farragut...

You can let go now, major.

I'm perfectly able
to stand on my own.

Well, after a fall
like that, sir,

you better let me help you
to your chair here.

AMANDA:
Major, he didn't fall.

You know, you're acting
very peculiar tonight.

BELLOWS: About par for
the course, I'd say.

Well. I-i-it is the wine.

[LAUGHS]

AMANDA: But, Jeannie, he
didn't have any wine.

And neither have you.

But, you know, I think
I'll have a little more.

I'm...

feeling deliciously tipsy.

Well... Uh, Mrs. Bellows...

Yes, Jeannie?

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Nothing, nothing.

Uh, we were talking about
Congressman Farragut, sir?

BELLOWS:
Yes, we were.

And I hope you get over
whatever it is you've got

before he gets here.

I'd hate to have him
see you like this.

[CHUCKLES]
Uh, when will he be here, sir?

About ten minutes, I imagine.

Oh, uh, let me have

some more wine,
will you, please?

AMANDA:
Here you are, dear.

Ten minutes?

No more wine!

AMANDA:
My dinner.

Good heavens. Look
what you've done!

BELLOWS: For heaven sakes.
The whole dinner.

Well, at least I saved the wine.

[♪]

[MOUTHS] Yes.

[♪]

AMANDA: Oh, my beautiful new
outfit is just totally ruined.

Jeannie, would you
please help me

get some of this stuff
into the kitchen?

Oh, uh...
Uh...

Y... Y-yes, Mrs. Bellows.
Of course.

AMANDA:
Ouch!

Oh, uh, I am sorry.

BELLOWS: Let's get the
table fully up, major.

Oh, of course.

BELLOWS: Not from the
same side, major.

There you are, sir.

[SIGHS]

Dr. Bellows. I, uh...

BELLOWS: I'd like to
see you, uh, major.

Oh.

BELLOWS:
In here. I wanna talk to you.

Oh. Yes?

Major Nelson...

I want you to know that
I'm not angry with you.

After all, accidents do happen.

But as long as you
seem to be having

a rather run of them tonight,

perhaps it... Well,
it would be better if you left

before the congressman arrives.

Oh, uh, no, sir.

I've been dying to meet
Congressman Farragut.

Uh, I'll... I'll be careful.
I promise you.

I do have one suggestion,
however.

BELLOWS:
So do I. Get off my lap.

Hm? Oh, sorry, sir.

Um, I don't think
the congressman ought to

come here alone, sir.

Well, why not?
He's taking a taxi from NASA.

It's only 10 minutes away.

Well, it's really a point
of etiquette, I suppose.

I... I don't...
I think somebody ought to...

Ought to pick him up.

Uh, I mean, after all,

he is a member of
the Appropriations Committee.

Perhaps you're right.
Let's go get him.

Huh. No. There's no sense
in ruining your evening...

No sense in ruining
your evening, sir.

Or mine.

I'll have Roger pick him up.

Major Healy? Why
should we bother him?

Oh, he'd do anything for
the space program, sir.

You just relax, take it easy,

and, uh, smoke your pipe,

and I'll call Roger. Hm?

Nice, uh, tobacco
you have there, sir.

[LAUGHS]

Very aromatic.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Roger, honey.
The phone.

Mmm.

Oh. I don't hear a thing.

Well, you must be deaf,
because it's ringing.

Oh, yeah. Oh.

Hello.
Hello.

Oh, it's for you.

It's for me.

Hmm.

Sorry, wrong number.

Roge, this is Tony.

I'm sorry,
I don't know any Tonys.

Goodbye, Tony.

Roger, will you listen?
This is important.

For heaven sakes, Major Nelson.

If he... Well, if he's busy,
leave him alone.

Uh... Uh, yes, sir.
Don't hang up. Don't hang up.

Uh, sir, he wants to
talk to me in private.

Excuse me.

[WHISPERING] Now, Roger, I
don't have a lot of time.

I want you to go pick up
Congressman Farragut,

and don't bring him to
Dr. Bellows' house.

Congressman Farragut?

Yeah, that's right.

He'll be catching a cab
in five minutes.

I want you to pick him up
before he leaves.

Well, look,
why don't we split it up?

You go to NASA,
pick up Congressman Farragut,

and I won't go to
Dr. Bellows' house.

Oh. Roger, l-look,
I'm desperate.

Uh, Dr. and Mrs. Bellows drank
some wine that Jeannie blinked,

and they disappeared.

There shouldn't be any trouble.

He won't be able
to see her anyway.

Roger, I'll never ask you to do

anything like this again
in my whole life,

but you've got to
delay Farragut.

And don't let him get here
before you call me

and make sure it's all right.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You don't know
what you're asking.

Roger, please. I'll...
I'll make it up to you.

Believe me.

Yeah. You can't.

You're the wrong sex.

What's the matter, honey?

Well, we've gotta go someplace
and not take someone somewhere.

Let's go, huh?

Oh. Good, good.

Keep that.

Don't lose it.

TONY: It's all set.
Roger's gonna take care...

Anthony, watch out!
AMANDA: Whee!

Oh, that was close.

BELLOWS: Major, you've been
bumping into things all night.

AMANDA:
Let him alone, Alfred.

He's clumsy, but he's cute.

Coffee time.

BELLOWS:
Amanda, you're drunk.

AMANDA:
I know.

[AMANDA GIGGLES]

And it's marvelous.

I'm sorry, master.
She drank more of the wine.

[QUIETLY]
Why didn't you stop her?

I could not see her.
Shh.

AMANDA: Look at me.
I'm a circus act.

BELLOWS:
Oh, Amanda, stop that.

Congressman Farragut is coming.

Oh, I wouldn't worry
about that, sir.

Maybe he'll be late.

AMANDA [WHISPERING]:
Listen, g*ng,

why don't we all just ditch
that old congressman, huh?

And why don't we all go dancing?

BELLOWS: Amanda, please,
for heaven sakes,

have some coffee.

Oh. Hey, this...
That's a good idea.

Why don't we all
have some coffee?

You too,
Dr. Bellows.

AMANDA: Okay, party poopers.
So we don't go dancing.

I know. Let's
play charades.

Huh?

[LAUGHS] Charades?

Oh, uh, Congressman Farragut?

Yes, that's right.
Oh, I'm Major Healy.

Oh, yes, the astronaut.

Yeah, I came to take you
to Dr. Bellows' house.

That's very nice of you, major,

but I've already called a cab.

We couldn't let you do that.
You're NASA's guest.

Don't wanna take any chances on
losing a congressman, huh?

Well, can I show you
around the airport?

I've seen the airport.
I landed here.

You've seen the airport.

Oh, well, let me
introduce you to someone.

Uh, this is Linda Watkins.
This is the congressman.

Oh, how do you do?
Hi.

I've never picked up
a congressman before.

How about the other way around?

Huh?
Nothing.

[SIGHS] Well...

here we are.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I, uh, guess the car
won't start, huh?

Uh, you might try putting

the key in the ignition.

Oh. Hey, that's right.
That's right.

I'm not very mechanical.

And you're an astronaut?

Well, those spaceships
run automatically.

D-did you ever go to
Cocoa Beach?

No. This is
my first time here.

Good. Good, good.

Where did you say you put
the key again?

Uh, the ignition.
Oh, the ignition. Yeah.

It's on the right side.
It's a new car. On the right.

Well... Oh, the old one was
on the left side of the old car.

Uh... Uh, p-please
drink it, Mrs. Bellows.

AMANDA: Don't want coffee.
Wanna go dancing.

Well, you'll feel much
better if you drink it.

Believe me.
I feel fine now.

Um... Uh, master, may I
speak to you

for a moment?

Please excuse us.

BELLOWS: Amanda, please
drink the coffee.

If Congressman Farragut shows up
with you like this,

it'll make
a terrible impression.

He doesn't know the half of it.

Oh, master, this is impossible.

We keep running into them.

Keep your eye on
Dr. Bellows' pipe.

Oh, I do, I do. But
he keeps setting it down.

Yeah. And there is no way to
keep track of Mrs. Bellows.

Hey. Hold this.
Hm?

Maybe there is.

If I can get these on her.

Oh, wait.

Um, you know,
Mrs. Bellows,

you're looking particularly
lovely tonight.

There's only one thing
missing with your outfit:

Uh. Some jewelry
around your neck.

BELLOWS: Major Nelson, what
do you think you're doing?

Would you kindly get
these bells off me?

Oh. Sorry. I'm sorry.

AMANDA: Oh, Alfred, I thought
they looked very cute on you.

You know, I've never
smoked a pipe before.

It's good.

[AMANDA COUGHS]

[♪]

Ah. Now, here we are.
Now this is, uh...

This is where our newest
supermarket's going to be...

Uh, major. Major, Dr. Bellows
is waiting for me.

Now, we've been
driving around for 20 minutes.

Has it been 20 minutes?

It's amazing how time flies
when you're having a good time.

[CHUCKLES
NERVOUSLY]

Would you like to see
more of Cocoa Beach?

Oh, some other time, major.

Right now, would you please
take me to 310 Orange Drive.

Uh, yes, sir.
It's to the left here.

Oh, no, Roge, honey,
it's to the right.

To the left.
No sense of direction.

Roger, I live on Orange Drive.

And you keep losing

your way home every night.

Major. To the right.
Yeah.

To the right.
That's right.

You're right, it was right.
Mm-hm.

There, there,
Mrs. Bellows. Just...

Just relax.

AMANDA: ♪ Bells, bells
Beautiful bells ♪

♪ Ding-a-ling-a-ling, bells ♪

[CHUCKLES]

BELLOWS: Major Nelson, this
evening has turned into

a first-class disaster.

And I think we'd
better end it now

before catastrophe strikes.

I'll make your apologies to
the congressman. [BELLS RING]

If he ever gets here.

Uh, sir, I think you're
gonna need a little help.

I mean, with Mrs. Bellows,
in the condition she's in.

The Nelsons are
going home, dear.

AMANDA:
No. Don't want them to go home.

Want to have a party.

AMANDA:
Oh. Whoo! Oh.

Amanda, stop it.

If they're going,
then I'm going too.

Amanda, come back.

Oh, no.
This is all I need.

Amanda? Dr. Bellows?

[BANG] Oh!

[GASPS] Oh, Anthony.

Oh, Dr. Bellows. Here.

Oh, Major Nelson,

I've never known

anyone like you in my life. Oh.

Dr. Bellows,
you're here.

Well, of course I'm here.

And I was over there too,
until you ran over me.

TONY:
Huh?

Oh. I can't tell you how
glad I am to see you, sir.

Major Nelson, have you gone

completely over the edge?

AMANDA: Yoo-hoo.
You can't find me.

Give me that thing, will you?

Amanda? Amanda?

Come out from wherever you are.

Instantly.

[WHISPERING] He's back.
Dr. Bellows is back.

I know, master.
But, unfortunately,

Mrs. Bellows is
still missing.

Yeah.

[♪]

Major Healy, as a matter
of public interest,

I would like to know how
you managed to get to the moon

when you can't get someplace
four blocks away.

Well, I'm very bad with
short distances. Heh-heh.

I'll get you to Dr. Bellows' as
soon as I make this phone call.

Frankly, I doubt it.

Come on, Tony, will you answer?

Tony?

Oh, come on, Ton.

Roger, when do we get to
stop playing crazy taxi?

I... I'll make this call and
then we'll drop him off, okay?

[CAR STARTS] No, you won't.

Because your fare
just got another cab.

[GROANS]

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Look, uh, Roger, don't come yet.

Dr. Bellows is back,

but Mrs. Bellows is outside
playing hide-and-seek.

Yeah, well, if she's invisible,
she must be winning.

Now. Well, just keep
stalling Farragut.

Yeah, I can't.
He just took a taxi.

Oh, you better find Mrs. Bellows
within 10 minutes,

or else you're it.

Now... where were we?

Roger, we're in public.

Is that where we were?

[♪]

Oh.
Oh.

I'm sorry.
Excuse me.

Oh, Dr. Bellows.
I'm sure I saw Mrs. Bellows

off in that direction.

Oh, thank you.

Amanda, come out!
It's my turn to hide now!

Oh, this is terrible.

Simply terrible.

[WHISPERING]
Master? Master?

TONY: Shh.
[BELLS RINGING]

Dr. Bellows went that way.

Oh, great. Just
be quiet, would you?

You got her?
Yes, I've got her.

She's asleep.

Oh! Sorry, Mrs. B...

[GIGGLES]

Keep looking, Dr. Bellows.

I-I'm sure she's in
that direction.

[MOUTHS WORDS]

Well...

[CAR DOOR
CLOSES]

Excuse me. Is this
the Bellows' house?

Oh, w... Well, uh...

Yes. Yes, it... It is
the Bellows' house.

[RUSTLING]

Oh. Congressman
Farragut.

Doctor, you'll never believe

the problem I had getting here.

You look as though you had
a problem yourself.

Oh, yes.
I'm sorry.

Congressman, I have
to be frank with you.

We were having a little
something with dinner,

and it seemed to get my wife...
Everything's all right, sir.

Mrs. Bellows' headache
was so bad,

she decided to lie down.

She asked to be forgiven.
Major, is she, uh...?

Asleep in her bed, sir.

Thanks heavens.

Oh, congressman.
I just wanted to say...

Master. Is she...?

Visible. As soon as
she hit the mattress.

Oh.
Shall we get out of here?

Uh, yes.

Doctor, if this
is inconvenient...

Not at all, not at all.

Doctor. We're gonna
have to leave now.

Jeannie's not feeling well.

I look forward to meeting you
on the base tomorrow.

I'm sorry you have
to leave so soon.

Good night, Jeannie.
Good night, major.

Oh, why don't you
come in and sit down,

and have a nice glass of wine?

[♪]

Wait! Dr. Bellows!
Dr. Bellows!

Dr. Bellows, please!

[♪]