02x09 - Holy Matrimony

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Brothers & Sisters". Aired: September 24, 2006 –; May 8, 2011.*
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Mother Nora is the glue that holds the dysfunctional Walker clan together as family members face a variety of challenges.
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02x09 - Holy Matrimony

Post by bunniefuu »

KITTY: Previously on
Brothers & Sisters...

Whatever is happening
between you and Tommy, end it.

You're insinuating
he's having an affair?

- Just draw your own conclusions.
- I will.

Can we go back
to the way things were?

I want to.

- I should probably get out of here.
- Oh.

Screw it.

Let's go out.

Good. Because I couldn't stand
to wait another years.

I let people believe that I was a hero.
I'm not.

Robert doesn't know
that he's being blackmailed.

DANIEL: Just because you stop me
from telling people,

doesn't mean it's not the truth.

The Senator is a fraud.

Kitty's an old friend.
Not much I wouldn't do for her.

I finally spoke with Jason.
I broke up with him.

But I want to be with you.

ROBERT: No, it is not a potluck.

KITTY: Did you give
the stylist directions?

I just don't want a repeat
of the engagement party

where every family member
brought Tupperware.

Probably an up-do.
I haven't really decided.

- But, Mom, she really does...
- Yes, there'll be a caterer.

She really has to be there at : .

Okay.
And I'm going to be at the house...

Why don't you just come
and try to enjoy yourself, okay?

I'll be at the house in a couple of hours.

- I love you, too. Bye.
- I can't wait. Bye.

Okay, well, did you tell your uncle
that he's not allowed to bring any food?

Yes, I did.
Our wedding is officially artichoke-free.

Oh, well, thank God.

Hey, you don't have to spend
the night at your mom's.

Oh, yes, I do. It's very bad luck
to make mad, passionate love

to the groom
the night before the wedding.

Yes, because after the wedding,
it is all downhill.

I'm going to stop bringing you flowers,

you're going to bust out
the housecoats,

and we're going to start leaving
the bathroom door open.

(EX CLAIMS IN DISGUST)

Now stop.
I don't even have any housecoats.

Good.

Okay. Okay, let's see.

All right.

Well, I guess I'm ready.

This is...

Okay. Okay, well...

I love you.

And I just... I want our lives to be just...

Hey. Why don't you save this
for our vows?

Vows?

- Yeah.
- Come on, Robert.

Now we already decided...

- Yes.
...we are going the traditional route.

I've done the whole traditional
wedding vow thing.

I want something different.

You already wrote your vows,
didn't you?

- Yeah, a little bit.
- Yeah.

But listen, if it's too last minute,
you know...

(STAMMERING) It's... No...
Well, yes, it is short notice.

Come on! You've written
entire speeches in minutes.

Yeah, but that's different. That's...

Okay.

I guess you'll just have to inspire me.

Why are you so quiet?

Oh, because I'm about to go to a crazy
Walker wedding madhouse.

So I'm enjoying the silence while I can.

Oh, it'll go off without a hitch.

You haven't been to one
of my family events, have you?

At the Walker Landing opening,

my mom and Holly literally pummeled
each other with leftovers.

- Are you serious?
- I mean, could I make that up?

And the only one that would ever
keep us in line was my dad.

He even kept me sober
at Tommy's wedding.

Why am I even talking about him?

Because weddings make you think
about the people that you miss.

Yeah, but he cheated on my mom
and he lied to us.

I mean, you know,
what kind of man does that?

All types, even some good guys.

You know, the last time I saw him alive,
I was high.

That sucks.

Justin, I'm sure your dad loved you.

And I know how awful it is, you know,

being stuck trying to make sense
of it all on your own.

Is that what it was like
with the married guy?

Well, not that it compares or anything,
but yeah.

I mean, he pretty much just said that
that was it and, you know, that was it.

Do you want to come
to the wedding with me?

To tell you the truth, I never thought
this was going to happen.

I know. I always thought it'd be
me and Kitty in the old folks' home,

sniping at each other

and talking about how we screwed up
all our relationships.

Well, too bad for you.
And you owe me bucks.

Not until she pulls the trigger,
meaning "I do."

Wait a minute.
Are you telling me that you bet

on whether Kitty would get married?

And when.

I took between and .
Kev bet never.

Oh, come on.
I can't believe how cynical you are.

Listen, I cover your debt, you pick
your grandmother up at the airport.

Even if you added
a couple of zeros, I'd still say no.

- It's your grandmother!
- I know!

So, Tommy, tell me,
how are you and Julia getting along?

Good. I mean, you know, working on it.

All right, I got the monkey suits.

What took you so long?

I had to go to the bank.
I have your $ .

Pay up.

What age did you pick, Justin?

Fifty or older.

Oh, you know what, the shirts and ties
are still in the car.

Oh, you know what?
I'm bringing Lena to the wedding.

I hope that's not a problem
with the whole RSVP thing.

You're taking Lena to the wedding?

Yeah, is it a problem?

No, it's fine.

So what's with the look?

Just not sure how seriously
you're taking your sobriety, that's all.

Well, I'm going to meetings every day.
I'd say that's pretty serious.

Well, I hear her on the phone, Justin.
She's a partier.

Thanks for the concern, bro.

I'm going with him.

What are you doing?

- What am I doing?
- Yeah.

What is she doing?

Who knows? Who cares?

The only people who know that you
slept with her are me and Saul.

Don't start acting weird now. Okay?

"Not yet, still steadfast
still unchangeable

"Pillow'd upon my fair love's
ripening breast

"to feel for ever its soft fall and swell"

Sarah, I don't want the guests thinking
about my boobs and their ripeness.

And plus, not to mention,
Robert would rather me

quote from The Weekly Standard
than... What is that? Keats?

I love Keats. Okay, what about this?

Our love

is like the w*r.

Out of control. Endless.
Without reason.

You know what, Sarah?
This is not the time for funny, okay?

How about this?

"Robert, I promise you
my deepest loyalty,

"my tenderest care,
and my lifelong fidelity."

Sounds nothing like you.

Well, it's not. I found it online.
I just put in the Robert part.

So has Mom had the talk with you?

What talk?

The talk. Oh, trust me.

She's going to sit you down
and go on and on and on

about love and devotion
until you are both weeping.

You might get
some inspiration from that.

Okay, so the seating arrangements
are set.

The flowers, caterers,
officiant are confirmed.

The Secret Service has already
coordinated with private security,

so I don't think
there's anything major left.

Except Robert just asked
Kitty to write her vows.

Oh.

Okay. How about this?

"Robert, I hate your guts
for making me do this."

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

It's your hairdresser.
Did you make a decision? Up or down?

I don't know. You know what?
You guys pick.

- I say down. Yeah.
- Down.

Up! Up!

(SIGHS) We're going with up.

Oh, wow, Mom. Thank you.

Those look great.
Thank you for doing that.

Where are all the poetry books?

They're the third shelf
up from the bottom.

Kitty?

Can I talk to you?

Yeah. What's up?

Oh, sweetie, here you go.

I know how easy it is with weddings

to get swept up with the tradition
and the dress and the music

- and the rice, and...
- Birdseed.

- Birdseed?
- Go on.

Tomorrow, you're going to put
that beautiful dress on

and walk down the aisle to Robert,

who is so handsome and powerful...

My God,
he could be President one day.

And you're going to commit
the rest of your life to him.

And before you know it,
you will have completely forgotten

who you are and what you stand for.

(STAMMERING) I'm sorry.
What did you say?

Maybe I didn't say that right.
Sweetie, listen, marriage is not easy.

And then you'll have kids
and lose yourself completely.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, Mom.

Sarah told me
that you were going to give me

a gushy speech
that would make me cry.

(STAMMERING)
And what is this that I'm getting?

Maybe back then, I was giving the
warm and wonderful marriage speech.

I'm wiser now, and I have some things
to say to you. I'm not going to lie.

Please lie. Please lie.
I would prefer you to lie.

I want you to protect
the woman that you are, Kitty.

What?

I've seen you struggle
with Robert's career and his ambition.

I don't want you to let him
hold you back.

No, I can't hear you.

(HUMMING)

Kitty! Kitty! Stop acting like a child!

Well, start acting like my mother!

Mom, I am getting married tomorrow.

I am really, really nervous.

I have to write my vows and
I don't need you to give me cold feet.

I have some things
I want to say to you...

- I know, but... Silence is golden.
- I need...

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(STAMMERING) I...

(SHUSHING)

Didn't say that right.

Oh, hey. Hey, Isaac.
What, calling to congratulate me?

Congratulations, but I'm calling
about Robert's service in the Gulf.

Any discrepancies regarding
his alleged heroic acts?

Alleged?

I've been hearing rumors.

From folks in the position
to publish those rumors.

No, no. Wait a minute. That issue...
I thought I shut it down.

I mean, I handled it personally.
Robert had no idea.

Oh, Isaac. Isaac, something like that
could sabotage his whole run.

Not to mention my marriage. I...

I'm on my way to LA.
Consider it my wedding gift.

So you must be happy with
all of the photographers outside.

Are you kidding me?
You can't pay for that kind of publicity.

So, you guys back together?

You know, we're just
in the process of, you know,

becoming a "we."

Depending on what
your definition of "we" is.

- He's such a romantic.
- It's not that.

I knew I'd find you guys by the wine.

So, this is the famous Lena.

What?

I mean, Justin talks about you
all the time.

You do?

Yeah, of course I do.

- JULIA: Hi.
- Sweet!

- TOMMY: Whoa!
- Wow! Look at you.

Lena, hi.
Tommy's not making you work, is he?

Oh, no, no. She's with me.

JULIA: Oh.

How is Kitty?

Well, she's finally
getting her hair done,

but now's she obsessed with us
finding some old friend of hers, Isaac.

She's kind of freaking out.

- You're so not seeing that .
- Oh, please.

Maybe Mom can chill her out.

Oh, no. No. Kitty ordered us not to let
your mom within feet of her

until right before
they walk down the aisle.

- Good luck with that.
- Yeah.

All right. I should probably
keep looking for this Isaac guy.

Good luck.

Here's to not being a bridesmaid.

- Cin-cin.
- Cin-cin.

Kitty! Hey. Sorry.
Where's the hairstylist?

Oh, you know, she was chatty.

And annoying and distracting.

And you know what?
I've mastered pin curls.

Oh, good. Okay. Well, shouldn't
the make-up artist at least be here?

Oh, yeah, well, he came by.
But you know what?

I've been doing
my make-up since puberty,

and outside of the purple
eye shadow phase, I do fine.

Oh, great.
Well, I'm sure you'll look stunning,

but how are you doing on the vows?
Are they coming along?

I'm winging it.

You know,
Robert said they came to him,

so they're going to come
to me, eventually.

Okay.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Isaac! Isaac! Oh, you're here!

I'm sorry. My plane got detoured.
Snow storms in the Midwest.

Whatever, you're here. Thank you.
I'm so... I'm so happy.

Do you mind if we take a minute?

Yes. Yep.
Kitty, I have to tell you, though,

- you know you're running out of...
- Time.

- Yeah.
- Time. I'll be ready.

- Okay.
- Tell everybody that I'll be ready.

Okay. Sorry.

Okay.

Okay. How bad is it?

You could use some lipstick.

(CHUCKLING)

All right.
Why don't you talk while I get ready?

- Okay.
- Okay.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

You want to get that?

Oh, God, no.

Kitty, I know you're angry at me.

Please, we have to talk before
you walk down the aisle.

Oh, darn it.

I still can't believe we're at some
big sh*t Republican's wedding.

Man, times change.

Stan, now,
this is my daughter's wedding.

There will be no politics today.

- Sure.
- Okay.

Bet you could feed a small African
country for what this shindig costs.

Nora.

Saul, where's Mother?

She's stuck in Denver
because of the snow.

No Ida? That's a shame.

Not really. Stan, it's Saul.

- Yeah, oh, Saul. How are you?
- How are you? Yeah. Good to see you.

Yeah. Why don't you two catch up?
I've got to find Kitty.

Stan the hippie.

Oh, well. That's a long time ago.

So the co-pilot wanted Robert
to land the chopper,

and Robert thought it was
too dangerous to go down.

Yeah.

How long did they argue?

Oh, about seconds.

For seconds
they hovered under fire?

Yeah. And then they were hit.
Co-pilot d*ed in the crash landing.

But once Robert was on the ground,
he saved those men.

Okay, if it was up to him...

Yeah. They would've left.

That's why Daniel Cole
came out of the woodwork.

He said that he heard the whole thing
from the control tower

and that he could prove that Robert
wasn't the hero

that everybody thinks he is.

So you and Kevin blackmailed him?

Yes, we blackmailed him.

I would've done the same thing.

- You missed one.
- Oh...

Thank you. What do you think?
Is there any way to spin it?

Better to find the leak.

If it turns out to be Cole,
shut him down again.

I'll make some calls. See what I can do.

No. God, Isaac.

Do you know that Robert
doesn't know anything about this?

Now how am I supposed to
go down the aisle,

look him in the eye and vow to...

I don't even know what I'm vowing. I...

(BANGING ON DOOR)

SARAH: Kitty Walker! Open this door!

Hey, you get married. Leave this to me.

- All right. Thanks. Thanks.
- I'm serious! I will kick it down!

No sense in ruining your shoes.

Sorry.

Lena.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Are you sure? Where's Justin?
Something happen?

No, not really.
It's just so strange seeing Tommy here.

And all the high-powered guests

and the Secret Service agents
just everywhere...

Well, what would be weird
about seeing Tommy?

Oh, nothing.
I just work for him, so it's weird.

Lena, please tell me that
Tommy isn't the married man.

Oh, my God. Are you kidding?

Like, what are you doing?
So Justin is just...

Sarah wants us now.

- Okay.
- Come on.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no. Not this putz.

Hey, everyone. Uncle Jack.

I can call you that, right?
Now that we're almost family.

I don't think so. No.

Come on, troops.
Let's go find our spots.

Let's go find our places.
Come on, kids.

Well, that was unpleasant.
So just be good to Kitty.

Better than you were to my brother?

That's unfair.

He is half a world away trying
to make a difference with his life.

He is all alone and you dump him.

Now it's none of my business,
so I'm just going to get through this.

I'm going to be cordial.

And that's what we should do
for Kitty's sake.

Of course.

My tie is itchy.

You can take it off
after the ceremony, okay?

REBECCA: Oh, my God.
SARAH: Oh, God.

- JULIA: Kitty.
- Aunt Kitty, you look so beautiful.

Oh, honey, so do you.
You guys look great.

Okay, now off you go with
your aunties and get into your places.

Bye.

- Thanks.
- Okay.

Oh, God. What do you think?

- Do you think my hair's too curly?
- No.

Should I wear it down?

It's beautiful.
It suits the dress perfectly.

Okay. Turn around.

What is it, Kitty? Are you okay?

Just wishing Dad was here.

Oh, I know.

Oh, it's not fair.

Oh, God! I can't believe my baby sister
is finally getting married.

I can't believe it either. I...

You know, I never wrote my vows.
I don't know what I'm going to say.

You'll just stand up there
and be honest.

Okay? You're going to be great.
I promise.

- Flowers.
- Thanks.

I'm going to tell them we're ready.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

- Where is...
- Isn't she ready yet? It's time.

- There she is.
- Okay.

Okay.

Oh, Kitty. You look so wonderful.

All right, they're starting.

Kitty, please. Please let me talk to you.

Mom, Mom, Mom. Mom, we'll talk later.

Look, you didn't let me finish
what I was saying the other day.

Okay. The music's starting. Go...

Let me finish the other day.

(CELLO MUSIC PLAYING)

- Nice job.
- Good one.

JUSTIN: Hey, man. All right, cool.

Okay, Julia, go.

And I can't let you get married...

- SARAH: Becca, you're up. You're up.
- Mom, we'll talk later.

SARAH: Becca, Becca, your cue...

I can't let you get married until you...

- Mom! You can't do this right now...
...hear what I have to say.

- It's time...
- Sarah, go, you're up.

Go, Sarah, go.

Look, Kitty,
I know what I'm going to say.

- Okay, Mom. Come on, we have to go.
- I'll talk fast.

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

(BRIDAL MARCH PLAYING)

You have been my child, my challenge,
my support, my best friend.

Mom, you're going to make me cry.

Well, maybe you should cry or laugh
or do whatever your heart tells you to.

I know how hard you've worked
to find someone to love,

who would really see you
and love you back.

Kitty, you're incapable
of losing yourself. You're not me.

You know yourself better
than I ever have.

And I'm so proud to be your mother.

Is everything okay?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

KITTY: Okay.

We're gathered here to join
Robert Alexander McCallister

and Katherine Ann Walker
in matrimony.

Who gives this woman to be married?

She gives herself freely,
with my love and my blessing.

Mom?

Yeah?

You can let go now.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. Sorry.

- Where's Stan?
- I don't know.

Robert and Kitty initially chose
to recite traditional vows.

But anyone that knows this couple
knows they are not traditional.

So I wasn't surprised when
they opted to write their own.

Kitty.

No.

Do you think that maybe
you could go first?

Of course.

Kitty, I ask you to marry me.

To say "I love you" seems inadequate

because I cannot imagine
my life without you.

Because when I'm cynical,
you give me hope.

And times where I felt I was losing
my way, you've been my guidepost.

I love you more with each passing day.

And so I give you my hand, my heart,

and my love.

Wow.

That's beautiful.

Kitty, your turn.

Robert, I need to talk to you.

- What?
- Alone.

- Right now?
- Right now. I need to talk to you alone.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

(INAUDIBLE)

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

We'll be right back.

I don't know.

- Here.
- Thank you.

Kitty. What is going on?

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Robert.

But I just...
I just couldn't go through with it.

I couldn't vow to love you
and honor you and all that stuff

without... Without telling you the truth.

Kitty, what are you talking about?

I blackmailed someone.

First the brother dumps Jason
and now this.

We don't deserve this.
What did we ever do to this family?

We need drinks out there immediately.

Well, we weren't prepared
to serve at the wedding itself.

Well, improvise.

Maybe she finally came to her senses.

Kevin.

You know Kitty. Maybe she...

Got nothing.

If this has anything to do
with what I said to her yesterday...

Why didn't I just keep
my big mouth closed?

Oh, come on, Mother.

She doesn't pay attention
to anything we say anyway.

But if I have anything to do with this...

Look, whatever is happening
between Kitty and Robert,

we just have to let them figure it out.

- Let's get another.
- Waiter!

I don't understand the issue.
You were doing your job.

Kevin and I should've told you
what we did,

but I guess I just wanted to protect you.

But I just couldn't marry you
with this big secret. It just...

Kitty, I know that there
are no guarantees in this world.

We could wake up tomorrow
and it could all go to hell.

But whatever happens, good or bad,
I want you with me.

Okay?

Okay.

Come on. Let's go do this.

Robert, I don't even know
where to start,

because you are so many things to me.

You're this...
This brilliant, poised, diplomat.

And then you're this...
This really crazy romantic

that just takes my breath away.

And when you're tired and when
you're stressed, you get really grumpy.

But then I can feel your head on
my shoulder at night, and I...

And I know you're asleep.

And you're so peaceful, and you're so...
You're so vulnerable.

I love all those parts so much
that I want to have you as my partner

for the rest of my life.

Sick, healthy, rich, poor,

as long as I'm with you,
I will be complete.

And that's it.

Oh, one more thing, Robert.

Will you be my husband?

Yes. Yes, I'll be your husband.

(IF NOT FOR YOU PLA YIN G)

If not for you

I give you this ring
as a symbol of my love.

Robert,

I give you this ring
as a symbol of my love.

If not for you

OFFICIANT: I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

(PEOPLE CLAPPING)

If not for you

Babe, the night would
see me wide awake

The day would
surely have to break

It would not be new

If not for you

Daniel Cole has approached
a number of news outlets.

Good thing for us is that Cole
is not giving any details

- until he's offered some serious cash.
- Excuse me.

Would anyone mind explaining to me
why I'm just learning about this now?

I learned about it during my vows.

Isaac, there is no
legitimate media source

that is going to go public
with this story on his word alone.

They have to have
substantiated proof, right?

Well, he claims he has it.

He says that he has copies
of the flight traffic reports

and the communication logs
from that day.

Yeah, but why now? Is he waiting
for the worst possible moment?

Well, I don't know. Maybe he's bluffing.

Either way, next move is
we go to the news outlets with the truth.

The truth? Well, our opponents
are going to have a field day with that.

You know what they're going to do?
They're going to Swift Boat him.

No, the truth about Cole.

That he's a perjurer, a blackmailer,
a felon and a deadbeat dad,

and anybody who goes with the story

is going to be dragged up to the Hill
for a hearing. Period.

Exactly.

All right. Let's do it.

Isaac, thank you.

Kitty and I should spend
some time with the guests.

Yeah.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

This fish is undercooked.

It's tuna tartar. It's raw.

Thanks for telling me.

SCOTTY: Any chance
I can take another picture?

No, you only get one.




I can't believe the entire McCallister
clan are giving me the cold shoulder.

I mean, what did Jason tell them?

No idea.

Oh, God.
Look at what your mom's date wrote.

"Stop the erosion of civil rights.
Peace and love, Stan."

You know,
I'm done justifying this breakup.

Then don't.

Well, why am I the bad guy?

You know,
I didn't set out to hurt Jason. What...

You know, I'm not the only one
to blame here. In fact, he's...

Okay, enough! Done. Stop.

I'm not here as a friend

to listen to you endlessly go on
about your ex-boyfriend.

Because however you define what
we are, we're not platonic anymore.

And the fact that you're willing
to obsess over Jason...

I'm not obsessed. I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.

I'm going to take a walk.

Thank you. Have you seen any
nice men in my age range?

Some of the Secret Service guys
are hot.

Yeah, yeah.
They're hot, but they're so cold.

Well, I have driven another man away.

I'd love to commiserate,

but Cooper's throwing hors d'oeuvres
in the pool. Cooper!

You look about as happy as I do.
Which is not.

You know how you guys tell each other
everything in this family

even if you shouldn't?

Our family's curse and blessing?
What about it?

Is there anything
that you won't tell each other,

that's just completely off-limits?

I probably wouldn't tell Kitty
I'd like to m*rder her husband.

And it wouldn't be that difficult
getting my hands on a shotgun,

thanks to him and his ilk.

Thanks, Kevin.

You're welcome.

For what, I have no idea.

Champagne.

MAN: Excuse me.
Would you come with us, please?

We'd like to ask you a few questions.

Hey. Do you think
we could go somewhere to talk?

Yeah. Is everything all right?

No, not really.

Nora? Isaac Marshall.

Yes, of course.

May I say you look
as beautiful as the bride?

Well, thank you. How are you?

Not bad. You?

I'm fine. I seem to have lost my date.

I wonder where Holly Harper is.

In that case, would you like to have
a glass of champagne with me?

Why, I'd love to. Thank you.

So what was so important it can't wait?

I can't believe you would do this.

Do what?

You slept with Lena, Tommy. I know.

Look, it was stupid.
Don't you think I realize that?

Oh, you do?
So what, you're off the hook now?

You of all people shouldn't judge.
Really.

Wow. You are seriously an ass.

You're cheating on your wife,
and your baby's, what, six months old?

And somehow you manage
to be self-righteous?

It was a mistake.

God. You know what...

You're always trying to be like Dad,
but you know what?

Even he had enough sense
not to screw his secretary.

Would you just shut up
and let me explain?

You want to explain something?
How about you explain to your wife

that you cheated on her
the second she left town!

This is none of your business, all right?

- Get off me, Tommy! Get off me!
- This is none of your business!

Gentlemen.

You know what? This is ridiculous.

Like, we're brothers.
We weren't fighting.

We'll talk to the Senator.

I own this place, all right?
You cannot keep me here...

Save your breath.

Apparently the feds
can detain us indefinitely.

Thank you, neo-cons.

Why are you two here?

Oh, 'cause Justin's, apparently,
the self-appointed judge of the family.

You know what? And Tommy's
a hypocrite and a liar, so don't.

Oh, you found out about Lena?

Wait a second. You know about...
How do you know about Lena?

If it's any consolation,
I wish I didn't know.

I wish so many things right now.

So, what did you do?

- Assassination thr*at on McCallister.
- What?

I didn't mean it. I was just being me.

You know what?
I hate my life right now.

Wow, this is the worst wedding
in history.

You didn't happen to bring any of those

appetizers with you, did you?

Yeah, I've got a shrimp cocktail
in my pocket.

What is wrong with you?

He's got the munchies.

Oh, great.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Aren't you glad
that I took dance lessons?

My feet thank you.

Do you realize that this is the first time
that we've had a moment alone...

We have a little situation.

Oh.

You haven't seen Justin, have you?

No.

And you should know that
I told Justin about you and Tommy.

What?

I'm sorry,
but Justin's been through enough.

He doesn't deserve to get hurt.

You know what?
In case you've forgotten,

you used to sleep
with a married guy, too.

But what? Now since you've hit
the paternity jackpot,

you can act as if you're better than me?

I was and I screwed up.

But knowing you, dating Justin

is just some calculated way
to get Tommy back.

And I'm sorry,
but it is spiteful and it is stupid.

You know what? If I didn't know
that you two were related,

I'd think you were jealous.

He's my brother.
I'm just trying to protect him.

From what?

Hey.

God, why did I think that there would
be any available men at this wedding?

I just had a -minute conversation
about, get it, quail hunting.

Will you tell Justin that I went home?
He can call me, if he wants.

Wow.

What did I just walk into?

Nothing. I'm sorry.

Hey.

Thank you.

You look Ionely.

I am Ionely. Look at all these couples.

I don't care how old you are,
it is tough being single at a wedding.

Right.

I mean, you can't help but think about
all the chances that you missed

or what it would've been like
to have found that person.

Do you ever think maybe
we ended things too soon?

Oh, I like you, Saul.

But one thing I know is men.

And when we were together, I knew
that you weren't that interested in me.

I mean, you tried.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

It is my fault.

Why are you being
so hard on yourself?

It is not easy finding the right person
at the right time.

I was in love with a man
I could never have.

I didn't mean to be. I just was.

You can't help who you love, Saul.

- Cheers, Holly.
- Cheers.

Brothers-in-law.

Stan.

- All right. Let these guys out.
- Yes, free us, please.

Any chance I can get my pipe back?

Yeah. The uniformed officer
in the hallway is holding your pipe.

Thank you, Mr. America.

So, is Kitty going to disown us or what?

No, she doesn't know
anything about this.

I think we should probably
keep it that way.

All right. Thanks.

You know, I was surprised to hear

that you went out on a limb
for my campaign.

Kitty told me what you did
last year to help with Daniel Cole.

Yeah, yeah.
Well, actually, I did that for Kitty.

But just so that you know,
I care a lot about Jason.

And if things had worked out
differently between us...

Actually, we still wouldn't have been
able to get married in this country.

You're not ever going to stop
holding that against me, are you?

No. But I will stop threatening your life.

Sounds like we're
making some progress.

My oldest, Paul, he married
a woman from a Hindu family.

Paul is your oldest,
how many children do you have?

I can't believe I gotta pay a fine.

Stan, where have you been?
I've been looking all over for...

Oh, sorry. Stan, Isaac. Isaac, Stan.

- Hey.
- Hi, Isaac. How are you?

What fine do you have to pay?

All I did was smoke a bowl
and suddenly it's like freaking Waco.

You were smoking pot
at my daughter's wedding?

Just to unwind.

Are you out of your mind?
Robert's running for President.

The media is right outside.
What were you thinking?

Okay. Nora, I'm going home.

Stan, you're not leaving.

Look, I appreciate you looking me up.

It was really amazing seeing you again.

But it's just not going to work. I'm sorry.

Did I just get dumped
at my daughter's wedding reception?

Seems to me like you did.

It's so important
to make someone happy

Excuse me. Thanks.

So, what was Travis on about?

Yeah, it was nothing.

Good, 'cause I think I would crumble
into a million little pieces

if there was another crisis.

No, you wouldn't. You think you would,
but you wouldn't. I know you better.

How do you feel about starting
the honeymoon early?

- Well, we haven't cut the cake.
- Don't care.

- You haven't thrown your bouquet.
- Still not caring.

- What about your garter?
- I think maybe I'll just save that for you.

Now how could I say no to that?

You can't. I'll be right back.

Mom? Sorry, Isaac.
Can I talk to you for a second?

Yes. Excuse me. Is something wrong?

No. No, no, no.
Everything is perfect but...

Well, Robert and I just thought
maybe we could get some time...

Alone. Out of the hoopla?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm getting
a little tired of the hoopla.

Well, go. Start your honeymoon.

- I love you so much.
- I love you, too.

Can you believe it?

No.

All right. Well, tell everybody
I said goodbye and...

And thanks.

Okay.

I can't believe I made it through
that entire wedding sober.

You were in lockdown.

Yeah, with Stan.
Like a new, special kind of t*rture.

Yeah, kind of like being stuck talking to
a bunch of relatives you don't know.

Yeah, I'm sorry.
Look, I was the worst date today.

"Date" implies you actually
see the person.

I know. I just... You know,

I didn't know Jason's family
were going to get to me like that.

Get to you?
You were making death threats.

Oh, yeah, do I look like an assassin?

You can't get mad at me
for being upset

at a bunch of people I don't even know,

acting like I'm the gay guy
who doesn't know how to commit.

Then why did you stand there
telling everyone

we're still trying
to define the word "we"?

Because you said you wanted
to take things slow, Scotty.

You're not over him, Kev.

At least that's what it feels like to me.

Okay, maybe I'm not over Jason
completely, but I am getting there.

Scotty, I want to be with you.

Me, too.

But sometimes
just because you want something,

doesn't mean it's possible.

Two down. Thank you so much
for helping me get them home.

Oh, you're welcome. Is Paige asleep?

Yeah,
as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Here. It took some convincing
to get her to take the dress off.

Oh, what a day, huh?

I know.

Sarah, can I ask you
kind of a random question?

- Sure. Can you...
- Oh, yeah.

Why did you tell me the truth
about who my father is?

I mean, you could've just
not said anything.

Well, at the time, I told myself

it was because you had a right to know.

It was going to come out anyway.

But you want to know
the God's honest truth?

I did it to spite your mother.

I figured.

I think that's why I kissed Joe.
To get back at you.

So why are we having this trip
down bad memory lane?

I'm sorry. I...

Honestly, I told Justin something
really awful about Lena and...

What?

- You don't want to know.
- Oh, come on. I do. I do.

You really, really don't want to know.

You can't drop a big clanger
like that and then go all clammy on me.

I'm your sister.
Come on, I love salacious gossip.

Okay.

Lena was sleeping with Tommy.

Our Tommy?

Yeah.

Oh, God.

ISSAC: And you know
how many Republicans voted

to pass the th Amendment
abolishing sl*very?

NORA: How many?

All of them. Every single one.

Well, I would agree with you
if this were the th century,

but you have to agree, the Democrats
do more for jobs and education today.

It depends on
what you mean by "more."

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

- It never stops.
- Yes.

Hello?

Okay, thanks. Bye.

Something wrong?

Robert's campaign
is about to take a serious hit.

Why?

There was this story brewing,

calling into question
his m*llitary service.

I thought I k*lled it.

It turns out The Drudge Report
is running with it.

Oh, my God.

I should call Robert
and have him brace himself.

Isaac.

Can they do anything about it tonight?

Not much, I'm afraid.

It's their wedding night.

At least give them that.

ROBERT: Just keep your eyes closed.
KITTY: Okay. Okay.

Come on.

- No cheating.
- I'm not cheating.

- All right.
- Okay.

What did you do?
Did you get me my puppy...

You'll see. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet.
Okay. Open them.

Oh, my God.

I wanted to start the honeymoon early,
since we only have hours.

Oh, Robert, it's beautiful.

Oh, God I wish Hawaii
had more electoral votes.

No, no. We're not even going
to discuss the campaign. Okay?

My feet. Wait a minute.

What are you doing?
What about the crew?

The crew is under strict instructions not
to even come into this compartment.

Thanks.

Nice place.

David?

Holly.

So, I was reading about this wedding
in the newspaper

and I see your name,
and I think, "Holly Harper.

"How the hell did she end up
owning a winery?"

Why didn't you just call?

Why not stop by
and see you in person?

You look amazing.

Thanks. You look...

Like crap? I know. Yeah.

To tell you the truth,
I didn't even know if it would be you.

Holly Harper I knew
used to be an actress.

She's not that anymore.

Yeah, I can see that.

This is quite an operation.
It's very impressive.

You can't expect me to believe
that you came here this late at night,

after that many years,
to find out if I'm still in show business.

Wow.

Who's this?

That's Rebecca.

Why don't you tell me
why you're really here?
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