06x13 - Day of the Wedding

[bunniefuu]

Previously on This Is Us...

My time with you is just...

It's just been
the happiest time of my life.

What do you say we make it official?

I am so, so happy for you.

Thank you.

And for you, too... Philip.

Thank you.

- Come on. Hey, no, I just need to know...
- Get out.

- If movie quotes or impressions...
- No.

- Are allowed. That's all.
- KATE: Yes.

This is the last time I'm doing this,

so go crazy, brother.

("LONG COOL WOMAN" BY THE HOLLIES PLAYS)

(KIDS LAUGHING)

REBECCA: Guys,

can we please eat our breakfast
like normal human beings?

Hey, I mean it. You're not puppies.

(ALL BARKING)

(ALL HOWLING)

(HOWLING CONTINUES)

(SIGHS)

♪ Saturday night I was downtown,
working for... ♪

Right on time, Ms. Pearson.
Just like clockwork.

- Come on, kids.
- (EXHALES)

♪ Whiskey bottles piling high... ♪

Hi, I'd like...

- Pound of ham.
- Hey, pound of ham.

Coming right up.

♪ Bootlegging boozer on the west side ♪

Thank you.

♪ People who are doing wrong ♪

♪ Just about to call up the D.A. man ♪

♪ When I heard this woman sing a song ♪

♪ A pair of s made me
open my eyes... ♪

HAIRDRESSER: The usual?

Actually, no.

♪ Rise ♪

Let's try something different.

♪ Long, cool woman in a black dress... ♪

HAIRDRESSER: All right. (CHUCKLES)

♪ With just one look,
I was a bad mess... ♪

I'm sorry, but I don't need
my hair done today.

Wh... Uh, honey.

Remember, we are going
to Kate's wedding today.

And Kelly here is gonna style your hair.

But maybe not too glamorous,
because we don't want

to upstage Kate
at her own wedding, now do we?

What do you think?

Yes, Kate's wedding. Okay.

Okay.

I know, I know. I'm getting dressed,

but the wife wanted stockings.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

I got him, it's all good.
Let's move, Nicky.

- Move.
- Loved the article, by the way.

- Hated the picture.
- Oh, you know I looked good, brother.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Yo. Morning, Miguel.

Randall, wow. You polish up real nice.

- Thank you, sir. Appreciate it.
- Wow, look at that.

- RANDALL: Hey, Mom.
- Hi.

- You excited for the day?
- Mm-hmm.

Now remember, after I finish
with my reception toast,

I'm gonna call you up to perform
the song on the piano.

Yeah, I know, I know.

I'm excited.
I've... never been more ready.

(TONGUE CLICKS) I love it, I love it.

Uh, folks are starting to head
down for the wedding photos.

So, getting myself together.

I just can't wait
for your father to get here.

- What's that?
- Uh, Randall.

It's okay, it's just been
a little bit of a slow morning.

Honey, you are looking amazing.

We're on the homestretch now, aren't we?

Uh, don't forget, when, uh,
you're done with your hair,

we're gonna head downstairs
to do pictures with Kate.

- REBECCA: Mm-hmm.
- MIGUEL: Okay? It's gonna be a lot of fun.

- REBECCA: Hmm.
- MIGUEL: Okay? So...

Hey, uh, Randall?

I-I wouldn't knock yourself out

with all that medicine right now.

It's, uh,
it's constantly changing, so...

I haven't seen that.

I guess with the swearing in
and everything,

I've missed some things.

Yeah, well, it's, um,
it's been a rough month

and the travel hasn't helped.

But everybody's on board
with my plan to get

the wedding photos knocked out
early so that she has

a nice, long break to relax
before the ceremony.

(SIGHS)

There is something
I'd like to ask you, though.

Yeah.

Are we sure about that part
on the side of your head?

- You gonna mock me?
- I'm just...

Because The New Yorker says
I'm a "rising star."

So you should probably
address me accordingly.

Oh, yes, Mr. Rising Star.
I'm sorry, uh, Senator Pearson.

- Apologies, Senator Pearson.
- (LAUGHS)

You're a damn fool, you know that?

Yes. Look how handsome you look, though.

Is that government-issued handsome?

Just trying to keep up
with you, big guy.

- Oh, I like that.
- (LAUGHS)

- RANDALL: I love you, Ma.
- I love you.

All right, see you guys down there.

MIGUEL: All right, see you there.

♪ ♪

TOBY (OVER PHONE): I want you to know

that I see it now.

- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Knock, knock.

No, no, no. Really?

You and Kevin have
serious boundary issues.

Get out. You can't see Kate.

Come on, Big Phil. No looky.

Ladies, this is my second trip
down the aisle.

And you know what
I learned the first time?

That silly superstitions
have zero bearing

on the outcome of marriages.

So I'm gonna looky. Okay?

I'm gonna looky real good.

Fair enough.

(EXHALES)

Looky, looky.

(PHONE CHIMES)

Uhp, crap. I have to dress the twins.

BETH: I'm gonna go with you.

- See you downstairs.
- Goodbye.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Here we go.

- Here we go.
- (CHUCKLES)

You don't mind me sneaking a peek at you

- before the day starts?
- Oh, hell no.

I mean, I'm Zen Kate.
I'm Second Wedding Kate.

I'm, like, the opposite of a bridezilla.

Like, I am cool with whatever
this wedding throws at me.

- I'm cool.
- Mm.

Sounds precisely like something

someone who's overcompensating
would say.

What's up?

(EXHALES)

Did you triple... uh, quadruple-check

that the sheet music is taped together?

I don't want my mom to r*fle through

while she's performing.

- Yes.
- Okay.

I quadruple-checked.

All right? Listen,

you've been working on this
with her for a year.

She'll be fine.

Philip, "fine" doesn't cut it.

It doesn't cut it. This...

This is a melody she's played us
since we were kids.

This means a lot to her,
and if something goes wrong,

- she's going to be utterly devastated.
- Hey, listen to me.

She'll be fine, okay? Just breathe.

(INHALES SHARPLY)

- (EXHALES)
- She'll be fine.

(QUIETLY): Yeah.

Yes. She'll lock in
once she finds her key.

There you go.

Kevin couldn't have dressed the twins

- while we were getting ready?
- BETH: I'm gonna leave him

a penis doodle as punishment.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, hold up.

What's this? (GASPS)

"I would never leave you lost"
in female handwriting.

Is this a love letter?

Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God. Beth, look, a bra.

Ooh, and it's right next to
some kind of floral wrap thingy.

Kevin.

It's like a frickin'
crime scene in here.

Huh.

- There's even makeup in the bathroom.
- (GASPS)

(RAPID FOOTSTEPS)

Oh, that's actually mine.

Kevin borrows my foundation sometimes.

We have the same skin tone.

Kevin is having a secret
wedding weekend romance,

and these are the clues.

It's like a true crime whodunit.

But with sex.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

Who do you think
he slept with last night?

KEVIN: That's really good.

Uh, maybe we do, uh, just one
without all the wine glasses.

Huh?

Okay.

Yep. Just like that.

("TAKE FIVE" BY DAVE BRUBECK PLAYING)

(MADISON GASPS)

- It could be the wedding singer.
- (GASPS)

- Philip's friend.
- She was at the rehearsal last night.

- Mm-hmm.
- And they were talking.

You ain't slick, Kevin.

- You ain't slick, Kev...
- No.

- Don't do that.
- Hmm.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

MADISON: (GASPS) Wait.

Did you see that look
Sophie just gave him?

Did I see it? I felt it.

- They have crazy history together.
- Mm-hmm.

- Insane history.
- Mm-hmm.

But wait. She's married.

- Oh, yeah. That's not her M.O.
- No.

Hello...

BETH/MADISON: Ooh.

BETH: Then there's Cassidy,
his plus-one.

- MADISON: Right. Just as a friend, though.
- BETH: Mm...

He sizzles, she sizzles,
they're both single.

Let's keep our options open.

- (LAUGHS) This is gonna be fun.
- Yeah, it will.

- Oh, but hey, girl, hey, I'm just checking in.
- Hmm?

You sure you're cool
with figuring this out?

I mean, you were gonna marry the guy.

You have seen his junk.

Beth. It was a half decade ago.

I have five-year-old twins with the man

and a nine-month-old with my husband.

- I need this.
- (CHUCKLES)

So let's find out who he banged.

Let's get our Agatha Christie on.

PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay, Pearsons.

Tuck in a little. Come on.

Oh, you know what? I was thinking,

we got to be really careful

who Senator Pearson takes photos with.

So, Elijah, bud? No offense,

- but are we sure you're not on any...
- Oh, boy.

You know, fugitive lists
or anything like that?

You know, as designated
babysitter for the day,

I just, I'm not gonna take
any crap from the Manny.

- Ah.
- ALL: Ooh!

All right, Senator Pearson,

you better go get your security detail.

Elijah's getting aggressive.

Uh, my daughters
are my detail, so I'm safe.

Okay, you're trusting Annie
to stop a b*llet?

This is not
Kevin Costner-level security.

She's really fast.

Very funny, Jack.

That's Kevin, Mom.

Dad hasn't been with us
for a while, remember?

- Uh, Randall...
- Why would you say that?

- (SHUSHES)
- No, no, no, no. S...

- W-Why would you say that, Randall? Seriously.
- I'm right here. I'm right here.

- I'm right here. I'm right here.
- It's not true.

It's okay, I'm right here.

- I'm right here.
- I don't know why he would say that.

RANDALL: Sorry. I'm sorry, Mom.

PHOTOGRAPHER:
Okay, let's burn one on three.

One, two, three.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

PHOTOGRAPHER: Great.

[font color="#ff "]Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic ed.com[/font]

(JACK GROANS SOFTLY, EXHALES)

Oh, wow. Look at these.

Look at these. We...

are gonna sell these
to help pay for college.

(CHUCKLES) Hey.

You know, I can't remember the last time

I saw you wearing a hat.

Um...

I may have done something...

kind of stupid.

Oh. Wow.

Good wow or bad wow?

It's different. It's different.

I'm, uh... I'm-I'm...

I'm getting my head

- around it.
- Yeah?

Yeah.

KATE: It's all right, Mom.

Hair grows back.

It's not all right. I want old Mom back.

KEVIN: Argh!

Walk the plank!

Wh-What is this?
What is he... what is he doing?

He's playing Captain Hook.

Because he thinks I look like Peter Pan.

(LAUGHING)

(CHUCKLING)

(LAUGHING): Oh, my God. He...

Uh, not funny, pal!

You look at me. Not funny.

No. Give me this.

All three of you,
dining table, right now.

We are gonna talk about how
you speak to your mother.

Okay, so that just happened.

It's the new normal.

I'm aware.

- Still, it's...
- Yeah.

She's been calling Kev "Jack" on and off

for the past couple days.

Probably just triggered by, you know,

the shake-up in her routine,

the wedding excitement.

Doctor says we're at the stage where...

you shouldn't correct her.

You know? Just-just roll with it,

you try to distract her
until the episode fades.

Still.

I know.

Maybe Mom shouldn't perform later.

It's a lot of pressure.

Yeah.

Maybe it's too much.

Mm.

Uh... (CLEARS THROAT) Sorry.

May I interject?

Mm.

Music is good for the soul.

It's-it's been good for her memory,

and, the doctors,
they encourage her to do it.

It's also why we have the most...

bizarre wedding schedule of all time

and why you'll be sitting
in your dress for hours

like a bridal mannequin.

So that Rebecca gets
all the downtime she needs.

Hey.

Once she finds her key,

she'll lock in.

I'm gonna go check on her.

Yeah, I will come with you,

if you don't mind.

Zen Kate.

Your mother can and will do this.

I have no idea if Rebecca can do this.

I mean, th-this unfettered hope
that all will go well

does not come naturally
to an Englishman.

I mean, I-I'm gonna
try my best to keep optimistic

that it'll all be okay,
because it will...

crush your sister if it doesn't.

Tell me, um, in the event

that she gets up on that stage
and starts to flounder,

do you have any senatorial powers

to call a citywide blackout?

I do not.

Ah. Worth a try.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

"You sip your drink,

deepen your breath."

Oh, who writes love letters anymore?

What, is Kevin's hookup
a World w*r II pilot?

Wait, this totally has
the cadence of a poem.

"With just one glance,

I'd take my chance."

- Yeah, a third grader's poem.
- (HISSES)

Yeah, it's not great.

- Okay, then we have...
- (ELEVATOR DINGS)

- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Ooh.

- Hey, Kev.
- Hey.

- What's up?
- (HUMS)

Well, you look fresh and ready.

- Do I? - Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

Relaxing night or not so much?

Well, it was, you know...

Mm.

Yeah, well... (INHALES SHARPLY)
I went to bed so early

I feel like I missed out on everything.

Anything, uh, interesting happen?

(SIGHS) You have no idea.

I feel like I need a nap.

- Huh.
- (ELEVATOR DINGS)

Oh.

- Hey, party people.
- Hey.

You know, this hotel has a sauna.

That's, like, really swanky, right?

- Yeah, it is.
- So swanky.

(QUIETLY): Bet it gets
pretty hot and steamy in there.

Mm-hmm.

(WHISPERING):
Oh. It's getting kind of chilly.

Can I get my wrap from your room?

I think I left it there last night.

The, like, floral wrap thing.

- KEVIN: Yeah. Course.
- Thanks.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

(DOORS OPEN)

All right, now listen up.

There is no making fun

of your mother.

If you don't have something nice
to say about her new haircut,

you don't say anything at all.

What about you, Jack? You...

haven't really said anything
about it since you saw it.

I love it.

You look great.

Like a hotter Jamie Lee Curtis.

But why did she cut it?

Well, Randall, uh...

I...

I wanted to try something
more fashion-forward, okay?

And I don't want
to talk about it anymore.

(EXHALES)

(GRUNTS)

What's wrong with Mommy?

She looks like He-Man...

That's what's wrong with her.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Not funny.

- MIGUEL: All right.
- NICKY: Ah.

- Uh-huh. Okay, okay.
- Look at that.

And...

- (NICKY CHUCKLES)
- Mm-hmm.

- Hello!
- (GASPS)

- Oh, come on. What is that?
- REBECCA: Oh!

- MIGUEL: There is no way.
- Oh, yeah. Uh, what?

- Where'd that come from?
- (CHUCKLES)

- What?
- Are you palming cards?

NICKY: Whoa! I'm a lover, Miguel,

but those are fighting words.

- (LAUGHS) - I'm coming for you.
- RANDALL: Hey, Mom!

- How you feeling?
- Hi, sweetheart.

Oh, good, good, good, if Nicky
here would just stop cheating.

- Oh! Et tu, Rebecca?
- Honey,

roll up your sleeves
so we aren't tempted to think

- that you're hiding something.
- Hey, just...

- Look, woman. Look at this.
- Oh, he's definitely hiding something.

- Right?
- (CHUCKLING)

Okay. Well, uh...

Hey, should we talk about
that reception performance?

Oh, no, I-I think we have, uh...

We still have plenty of time
before the ceremony.

And, clearly,
this game is over and tainted.

Why don't we let Philip
get his mind right for the nuptials

and you and I can go
and do our wine tasting

that we've been talking about.

That way, we can replenish all the wine

that Philip's family
drank up last night.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, I don't know
if now's the right time

- for a wine tasting, Miguel.
- Sure, it is.

Come on. I insist.

You go ahead, kiddo.

You just leave me with the ladies.

We're gonna play a new cheat-proof game.

Yeah. Keep the optimism afloat.

With a little merlot.

Oh, no, if anybody orders
any merlot, I'm leaving.

I am not drinking any frickin' merlot!

You see the... Sideways.

The movie. It was...

Okay. You know what, let's go.

- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
- (SOFT CHATTER)

(SWISHING) Mmm.

- That is good.
- Mm.

It's one thing to understand
these changes in Mom.

It's another thing to accept 'em.

And accept that even more are coming.

Hey, should we, um,
try this older pinot next?

- Mmm.
- All right. Let's go with that.

Nice color.

What if she starts to think I'm William?

Well, then let's toast

to your mother not calling you William.

- Salud.
- Salud.

Mmm. (SWISHING)

Oh, yeah. I'm getting, um,

- notes of tobacco.
- Mm-hmm.

Uh, is that cherry cola?

- I think so.
- Yeah.

- (SNIFFING)
- It's nice.

Total Christmas notes.

There's a toasty fireplace,

a-a fresh-cut wreath.

- It's...
- I mean, what if this is the beginning

- of an even bigger slide, man?
- (CHUCKLES)

- Okay, Randall, come on.
- Hmm.

- I mean, seriously.
- What?

I just thought
that we could both use a break

from talking about Alzheimer's today.

- (TAKES DEEP BREATH)
- That is why we are here.

- You're right.
- 'Kay?

You're right, sir.

- I'll toast to that.
- All right.

- Salud.
- Salud.

Hey, Miguel, I hate to say it. Um...

but every time we toast, man,

I've noticed a little tremor there.

Come on, Randall.

Back up in the room earlier,

I saw some blood pressure meds
with your name on it.

Why don't we jump to the cabs next?

I'm really excited
about tasting their big boys.

Okay.

Um, supposedly, this water here
is, uh, just amazing.

Thank you, you bed-hopping relic.

(LAUGHTER)

- (LAUGHTER)
- (CHUCKLES): Okay.

Edie's right, Nicky.

You're definitely Sophia.

Thank you.

You mean the promiscuous one?

No, the grumpy, old one.

Oh, Christ, I'm taking fire

- from all sides today.
- (CHUCKLES)

Definitely something Sophia would say.

Well, that would make
one of you broads the trollop.

- Oh-ho. - EDIE: Oh, hush up.
- (KNOCKING)

(GASPS)

Jack.

Hey. There you are.

Come. Sit.

We're watching Golden Girls...

The one where, uh,
Blanche pops the balloon.

(CHUCKLES)

♪ ♪

SOPHIA: First husbands, then cute shoes.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Um, nothing. I...

I don't know. I just...

had a rough night last night.

Oh.

Well, why don't we go take a-a walk?

You can tell me all about it.

Yeah.

You know, that'd be good.

Mm. Okay.

We won't be too long.

(WHISPERS): You okay, kid?

Yeah.

Okay.

- Shall we?
- Mm-hmm.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Oh, babe.

It looks good.

Okay?

It was just, uh...

an unexpected jolt.

- The kids hate it.
- (SCOFFS)

Hey, if we're taking style tips

from six-year-olds, we're screwed.

I hate it.

Then why'd you cut it?

(SIGHS)

I'm-I'm...

on autopilot, Jack.

I can box the kids' lunches

blindfolded.

The guys at the deli
call me "Pound of Ham."

They know I'm a mom... I reek of mom.

God, I-I don't want
to be Pound of Ham, Jack.

Please tell me
I'm not just Pound of Ham.

- Rebecca.
- (CHAIR SLIDING)

You are not

Pound of Ham.

Okay?

You want me to go down to the
deli? You-you want me to go down

- and straighten those idiots out?
- No,

Jack, no, I-I...

Sometimes I just
get tired of our routine.

And...

I want to feel spontaneous,

like we used to.

Come on, don't you ever feel like this?

Honestly, I...

When I was a kid,
and we sit down at dinner,

we didn't know if my dad
was gonna explode on us or not.

If mom was gonna be crying.

I mean, those two were
just a high-wire act.

So...

I don't know, I mean, I-I...

I kind of find our routine

to be a bit comforting.

- So I'm awful.
- You're not awful.

I don't want to lose myself
and forget who I am.

I think I needed to make a change

to remind myself that surprising things

can still happen.

Give me a minute.

What's wrong, sweetie?

Mom?

Kev, talk to me.

I missed you at the bonfire.

Something happen last night?

Um, well, you know, per usual,

I find myself in a bit of a pickle.

I'm really struggling, you know?

I feel like I'm lost, romantically.

You okay?

- Mom?
- (SCOFFS)

He'll figure things out.

They just got married so young.

High school first love.

I think Kevin needs some...

time to figure things out with her.

Yeah.

(GLASSES CLINK)

Wait, are we toasting
to Kevin and Cassidy?

Or to our McNulty-level detective work?

Oh, definitely our detective work.

(CHUCKLES) Mm.

Speak of the devil.

- Hello.
- Hey!

Oh, he's a good man.
Cassidy's a lucky girl.

- Yeah.
- REBECCA: Oh, Sophie.

We were just talking about you.

No, we weren't...

(CLEARS HIS THROAT)

Did you get any sleep?

A little, yeah. You?

KEVIN: Yeah.

We... We'll see you at the wedding.

Yeah.

- Yeah.
- MADISON: Hmm.

Okay, what the hell was that?

Case un-closed.

Did Kevin sleep with Sophie and Cassidy?

He is a terrible man.

Just awful.

- Trash.
- Mm.

You'd think the one
Uber driver in this place

would want a good review
and actually help out.

Whoa! I got it, man.

Okay.

I see.

What?

You didn't need to snoop through
our pill bottles, Randall.

I wasn't snooping through,
Miguel, I just stumbled

upon it and I got concerned.

Reasonably so, might I add. I got it.

No, I've got it. You don't think
I can handle a box, Randall?

You know what I handle on a daily basis?

Hmm?

I didn't need you calling out
my hand shaking.

Which is a harmless response
to my medication,

- which I am handling.
- Okay.

Do you know what I needed?

I needed an hour.

To drink wine with someone.

I needed just one minute to feel

like a human being.

I wanted to go with you.

Because you drink wine.

And you appreciate it, like I do.

I just needed a day, Randall.

Because it is moving fast now.

It is moving so fast
that I have whiplash.

- What's moving fast?
- All of it.

All of it.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

It's just you and me.

It's not too late
to call this off, Skeletor.

(LASERS f*ring ON TV)

I think you just look like

a really pretty boy, Mommy.

(CHUCKLES)

Thank you, sweetheart, thank you.

SKELETOR:
Very clever, you muscle-bound...

I did a thing.

What did you do?

You look like Magnum P.I.

You look weird, Dad.

I kind of like it.

You know, I've always wondered

if I can pull one of these off.

I...

am wondering the same thing.

Well, a very wise woman once told me

it doesn't hurt to shake things up

from time to time.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Hey, I called the sitter.

What do you say we get
these new versions

of ourselves dolled up
and take 'em out for a spin?

Let the rug rats eat the meatloaf.

- On a Wednesday?
- On a Wednesday.

(BOTH LAUGH)

I can't tell if you look like

a pizza delivery man or a p*rn star.

Baby, tonight,

I can be both.

- Oh, okay.
- Mm-hmm.

♪

♪

What can I say?

I love you, Kate Pearson,
with every inch of my heart.

Which you single-handedly defrosted

and resuscitated like an emergency room

- physician...
- I think, uh...

I think you might have my notes.

Oh, dear.

- (LAUGHTER)
- Ah, yes!

This makes more sense.

Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you for gathering today.

We come together
to celebrate Kate and Philip...

KATE: Admit it.

You hated me the first time we met.

And maybe I hated you a little bit, too.

So, no, this was not
a "love at first sight"

magical fairytale romance.

It was gritty.

- Flaws up front.
- Mm-hmm.

A Super Bowl ring only worthy

of those willing to battle

in the snow and in the mud.

I'll explain what a Super Bowl is later.

(LAUGHTER)

I give you this ring

as a sign of my love.

KATE: And I give you this
ring as a sign of my love.

OFFICIANT: And there you have it.
You may now kiss the bride.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Yeah!

♪

♪ Now every pretty, pretty girl ♪

♪ Want to live in his mind
all the time ♪

♪ He says I'm sitting next to my girl ♪

♪ On the dock of the bay. ♪

(LISPING HEAVILY): Marriage.

Marriage is what brings us

together today.

Marriage,

the blessed arrangement.

That dream within a dream.

Oh, good Lord.

(LAUGHS)

Haud yer wheesht!

You're quite the loud bunch, aren't ya?

Or maybe just off your trolleys.
Ah dinnae ken.

(LAUGHS)

Right.

Guess I should've prepared something.

(LAUGHTER)

And that kills?

And so, Philip,

welcome to the family, my brother.

Sister.

I love you beyond measure.

WOMAN: Aw.

The two of you
have been very smiley today.

- And I dig that.
- (PEOPLE CHUCKLING)

- And, Philip, yours is very nice...
- (MOUTHING)

But my sister's...

My God, if it's not the same
infectious smile that she had

since we were little kids.

And I'm so happy
that time hasn't changed that.

And I'm really glad
that you broke it back out.

(SMACKS LIPS)

I've been thinking a lot today, um...

about time.

And how, when you're young...

Like when you're Jackie's age...

A year is like a fifth
of your existence.

And so maybe when you're younger,

time seems to move a little bit slower.

Summer vacation is a lifetime.

But the older we get,

the faster time
just seems to come at us.

All of us.

You know, the years just keep flying by,

faster and faster.

It can give a guy whiplash,
just thinking about it.

And so while I would love
nothing more than to...

stay in this moment
as long as humanly possible,

to celebrate our favorite newlyweds...

sadly, I have yet to build a remote

that pauses life.

- Damn.
- (LAUGHTER)

That doesn't mean there aren't still

summer vacations to be enjoyed.

Still good conversations to be had.

And still love to be shared.

It just all happens much faster.

But, um...

in moments like this,

when you're around
all your favorite people...

celebrating a really special day...

time does slow down ever so much.

So I'm grateful to Kate

and Philip for that.

And I'm filled with comfort,
as I look around this room,

knowing that all of you will be on this

speeding train with me,

slowing down
for the occasional special stop.

All the way till the very end.

So, um...

cheers.

- MAN: Cheers.
- WOMAN: Cheers.

(SMACKS LIPS)

Okay.

And now to drag us
back from the dark abyss

that I just pushed us all into.

(LAUGHTER)

Uh, it is my pleasure to introduce

a very special performance.

So without further ado,
ladies and gentlemen, I give you

the one, the only...

Mom.

The stage is all yours, Mom.

(WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)

It took me a sec, but I am turning

positive on the mustache.

- Women dig a 'stache.
- (LAUGHS)

And men...

dig a woman who can pull off
a hot, short haircut.

- Oh, thanks.
- Mm-hmm.

(CHUCKLES)

I think multiple men
calling me Pound of Ham

really threw me.

I love our routine.

I know.

Still good to shake things up
from time to time though.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

You know something
that Pound of Ham Rebecca

- would never do?
- Hmm?

Strut over to that piano over
there and rip it a new one.

(LAUGHS)

Well...

Pound of Ham Rebecca's dead.

Oh, okay.

(LAUGHS)

(CROWD MURMURING)

I want you to know...

that if your mother
is unable to perform,

I've arranged for me and the band

to immediately start playing

Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On."

(BOTH LAUGH)

- That's right, me on lead vocal.
- Mm-hmm.

Going full Titanic.

All right, it's gonna be a catastrophe

of such epic proportions
that no one's really gonna

remember anything else
about this wedding.

- I love you very much.
- Yeah.

It's good to hear, you know?

Considering.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(PLAYING OFF-KEY CHORDS)

(PLAYING IN-TUNE)

♪ They say time will tell ♪

♪ But I think it likes ♪

♪ To keep secrets ♪

♪ So we'll wait and see ♪

♪ But it's just as well ♪

♪ The years can be counted ♪

♪ In seconds ♪

♪ That's fine with me ♪

♪ 'Cause I get this morning ♪

♪ With you ♪

♪ Forever now ♪

♪ It all ♪

♪ Hits me at once ♪

♪ Forever now ♪

♪ If there's a right way ♪

♪ To say it ♪

♪ I'm still learning how ♪

♪ And maybe all that we have ♪

♪ Is a forever now ♪

(VOCALIZING)

♪ I've been looking for words ♪

♪ For feelings that shouldn't ♪

♪ Get spoken ♪

♪ It's something I do ♪

♪ I'm starting to learn ♪

♪ Some silences shouldn't be ♪

♪ Broken ♪

♪ Just listened to ♪

♪ I get this moment ♪

♪ With you ♪

♪ Forever now ♪

♪ It all ♪

♪ Hits me at once ♪

♪ Forever now ♪

♪ If there's a right way ♪

♪ To say it ♪

♪ I'm still learning how ♪

♪ All that we have ♪

♪ Is a forever now. ♪

(VOCALIZING)

(STOPS PLAYING)

(APPLAUSE)

(CHEERING)

You're still gonna make me
sing Celine, aren't you?

- Yes.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

Listen, you really are a god
for tracking these kids all day.

I wouldn't have been upset
with you if you'd lost, like,

- one of them.
- ELIJAH: Yeah, well, thanks, man.

Just let me know when my shift's over,

so I can take all the edibles.

(CLEARS THROAT)

What gives? You guys have been
looking at weird me all day.

- Have we?
- Uh-huh.

Have you been dishing any weird looks?

- Not I. Have you?
- No, no.

- No weird looks over here.
- No clue what you're talking about.

Huh.

Hey, um, can I steal you for a second?

Sure.

Excuse me.

Okay, so, um...

about last night, I am not usually...

It's the wedding singer.

We should've known
it was the wedding singer.

It's always the damn wedding singer.

Always the wedding singer.

♪ Well, my friends, the time has come ♪

♪ Raise the roof and have some fun ♪

♪ Throw away ♪

♪ The work to be done ♪

♪ Let the music play on,
play on, play on ♪

♪ All night long, all night... ♪

I loved your speech.

It was equal parts sexy

- and depressing.
- Well, that's my sweet spot.

- So, yes.
- (GIGGLES)

- ♪ All night long, oh, yeah ♪
- ♪ All night ♪

♪ All night... ♪

Mom is sick.

♪ People dancing all in the street ♪

Miguel's getting old.

♪ See the rhythm all in their feet... ♪

I can see where it's all heading now.

And it's all headed there so fast.

♪ All night long... ♪

What are you supposed to do with that?

Only thing you can do, baby.

You dance.

♪ Everyone you meet,
dancing in the street ♪

- ♪ All night long ♪
- ♪ All night ♪

♪ Oh, yes, all night long ♪

♪ All night long ♪

♪ All night, all night... ♪

- Yo.
- Hey.

So, for real, bro.

What happened with you last night?

Aw, man, it's a long story.

Is it a good story?

- ♪ All night ♪
- ♪ All night ♪

- ♪ All night, all night ♪
- ♪ All night ♪

- ♪ All night, all night ♪
- ♪ All night, all night long ♪

♪ All night, all night... ♪

- I don't know yet.
- ♪ All night long. ♪