02x20 - Love Me, Love My Skipper

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Gilligan's Island". Aired: September 26, 1964 – April 17, 1967.*
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Series follows the comic adventures of seven castaways as they try to survive on an island where they are shipwrecked.
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02x20 - Love Me, Love My Skipper

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship set ground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

Novel idea, giving the annual howell cotillion on a deserted island,

Don't you think, lovey?

Yes, it is, dear. Do you remember when we gave it

In the mahatma gandhi room at the taj mahal?

Oh, it's simple things like that that make life worth living, my dear.

Do you know, thurston, though, I'm a little disappointed.

There are some people on the mainland I wanted to invite this year.

You're disappointed? Think how they must feel.

In the social set, this must be known

As the year that time stood still.

The poor dears.

Uh, lovey... Yes, dear?

Do you think the guests will notice

That my tails are last year's?

Oh, look on the bright side, darling.

It may start a whole new trend!

Yes, like the time I wore a carnation made of shredded $ bills.

Oh, what daring I had in those days.

There. That's finished.

Oh, my poor dear, you must be exhausted,

Making out the invitations without a secretary.

I wish there was something that I could do.

Well, if it's not too tiring, you could deliver them.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course. Of course I could.

I see you invited them all.

Well, I thought it best under the circumstances.

My, my, aren't we being democratic...

In a republican sort of way?

Is everybody happy?

Delivering mail can be fun.

[Chuckling]

Ohhh... [Chuckling]

Oh, yes. What is it those mailmen chaps say?

Neither rain nor sleet nor snow...

They never said anything about trees.

... .

... .

... .

Hope I'm not botherin' you with my exercise, skipper.

Because, you know, you gotta stay in shape.

... ... ... . ...

Gilligan! For goodness sakes,

If you must exercise someplace, exercise over there.

Ok, skipper. I gotta do my push-ups.

... ... ... ... ... ...

Huhhh! [Smack]

Uhh.

[Muttering]

Now what happened?

[Speaking inarticulately]

I was doin' my push-ups, and somebody shoved this envelope in my mouth.

Hey, it's addressed to me!

Well, open it.

Yeah.

Oh, it's an invitation from the howells

Inviting me to the howells' annual cotillion.

Oh, skipper! I'm goin' to the howells' annual cot...

Skipper? Yes?

What's a cotillion?

It's a dance.

A dance! Oh, boy, I'm going...

What am I excited about? I can't dance.

Anyway, it's still an honor

To be invited to the howells' annual cotillion.

I wonder what I'll wear. Let's see...

What are you lookin' for?

Well, I'm lookin' for my invitation, gilligan.

Oh.

Are you sure another envelope didn't come?

Open your mouth.

Hmm. Maybe the howells aren't going to invite me.

Naw. Ha ha ha!

Still, um...

No, that's ridiculous. Yeah.

Uh...

Gilligan...

Have you seen my monkey wrench?

Your monkey wrench? Oh, I think it's on the...

Oh, never mind. I think it's over at the professor's.

In fact, I remember it is.

I'll go over and see if he's got it.

Ha ha ha! I'll see you later, little buddy.

Hi, professor.

Oh, hi, skipper.

Uh, have you seen my monkey wrench?

I left it somewhere on the island. I can't find it.

No. Where did you have it last?

Well, I think I had it over at... Uh...

Are you making something?

Yes. I'm working on a food preservative.

Oh, a food preservative. Well.

What's this?

Sodium nitrate.

Oh. And what's this?

Calcium carbonate.

Uh-huh.

Oh. Well, what's this?

Oh, that's my invitation from the howells.

Oh, that's what I thought it was.

I get a kick out of the way it's written. It's so formal.

"Mr. And mrs. Thurston howell iii

Request the honor of your presence."

Why don't they just come out and say "you're invited"?

That's what I'd like to know.

[Knock on door]

Come in.

Oh, I'm sorry, ginger.

I didn't know that you were busy.

It's all right. Come on in, skipper.

I've got a problem.

Yeah, who hasn't?

I don't know which dress to wear to the howell cotillion.

Oh, I wish I had such a problem.

Well, if you were me, which one would you wear?

Well, uh, ginger, I mean, you look good

In both of them. What difference does it make?

Oh, you men are so lucky.

You can wear anything, and nobody cares.

Yeah, that's right. Nobody cares.

You're so blasé. Don't you know what it means

To be invited to the howell cotillion?

No, I don't! I'll see you later, ginger.

[Whistling a dance tune]

Hi, skipper. Hi, gilligan.

Hey, I see you found your monkey wrench.

My what? My... Oh. Yeah, my monkey wrench.

Is there any mail for me?

Mail? Nope.

Are you sure?

If you don't believe me, look.

Oh... Gilligan...

Skipper, I wondered if you'd do me a favor.

Would you lend me a rsvp? I mean, if you got an extra one?

Lend you a what?

A rsvp. It says right here in the invitation I gotta wear one.

See? Right here. "Rsvp."

Gilligan, that's r.s.v.p.

Ok. Do you have an extra one?

Gilligan, what you're supposed to do

Is write the howells and tell 'em that you're coming.

Oh.

That is, if you're going.

'Course I am. A guy'd have to be pretty stupid

To pass up a chance like this.

Ok, smarty, go ahead and r.s.v.p.! See if I care!

Skipper, you don't have to yell.

I'm not yelling!

I'd hate to hear you whisper.

For goodness sakes, why should I let a little thing

Like not getting an invitation get me down?

So what if I'm the only one that doesn't get an invitation?

It's nothing to cry about. After all, I'm not a child.

I'm a man!

But why does it always have to be me?!

You know, I was thinking of extending an invitation to our october fox hunt.

Thurston, how can you?

There isn't a single fox on the island.

We'll have to improvise.

We'll put one of your mink coats on gilligan.

Heh! Tallyho! Ha ha! See? Ha ha!

[Chuckles]

Hello there, mrs. Howell, mr. Howell.

Beautiful day, isn't it?

The best. That is, if you haven't got a lot of work to do.

Work?

Watch your language in front of my wife.

What I meant is, uh... Getting ready for the dance?

Oh, yes. There are a million things to be done.

Well, that's why I thought maybe I could help...

Uh, giving out invitations.

Oh, they're all out.

Delivered them myself. I'm simply exhausted.

You delivered them all?

Naturally. It's the first thing you do.

I know. I was just talking with the others,

And they're all excited about coming to the party.

Well, as well they should be. After all.

It isn't everyone who gets an invitation to the howell cotillion.

Yeah, I know.

Uh, bye, mr. And mrs. Howell.

Strange man.

There's gotta be some reason for this.

I mean, you must've said somethin' to offend the howells, skipper.

I can't think of anything.

Wait a minute. How about the last party?

You spilled soup all over mr. Howell.

Gilligan, I didn't spill the soup. You did.

Oh, yeah. Well, how about the time

You stepped on mrs. Howell's dress, and you ripped...

That was me, too.

It was also you who stepped on mr. Howell's glasses

And smashed 'em to bits.

That's it. That's why you didn't get invited.

You don't pay enough attention to 'em.

Oh, brother.

Well, it's a possibility.

Gilligan, look, I don't need any of your stupid suggestions.

I got enough of my own.

Now, why don't you go to the party, enjoy yourself,

Have a nice dance, and just forget all about me?

I'll stay here all by myself.

Skipper, I can't forget all about you. I mean... You're the skipper.

If you don't go to the party, I don't go to the party.

What did you say, gilligan?

I mean it. If you don't go to the party, I don't go to the party.

I'll stay here with you.

Gilligan, uh... Help me outta here.

The howells may be snooty, but I'm not.

Oh, gilligan, I want to tell you,

This is the nicest thing that you've ever said to me,

And I really appreciate what you're doing.

Well, we're buddies.

We're pals!

Yeah. Share and share alike.

Where I go, you go.

And wherever I go, you go.

Yeah. Here's what I think of the howells and their invitation.

Oh... You are a real little buddy.

Thanks, skipper.

Gilligan, look what I found!

But, skipper, that...

It's an invitation to the party!

Skipper... I wonder what I'll wear.

Skipper... Gilligan, I'll tell you

All about the party when I get back!

Skipper, you wouldn't.

'Course I wouldn't, gilligan. I'm just kidding.

Ha ha ha ha ha! [Knock knock]

Come in.

Oh.

Hi, skipper. Say, did you get your invitation?

I did not.

Oh, I think that's terrible.

Yeah. I was counting on having

A number of dances with you, skipper.

Now it won't be any fun at all.

If the skipper isn't going, I'm not going, either.

Isn't that nice of gilligan?

Well, I feel very strongly about this myself,

And I think I shall send my regrets to the howells also.

Well, you can count on me, too. How about you, ginger?

Well, you bet. Imagine inviting everybody but the skipper.

I wouldn't dream of going to a party

That's so unfair and so unjust.

And besides, there won't be any single men to dance with.

Oh, but I can't let you all do this.

After all, you've been counting on going to the party.

Say, what's to prevent us

From throwing a party ourselves?

That's a wonderful idea!

Yeah! Why don't we have a masquerade party?

Yeah! We could have it in the honor of the skipper.

Oh... W-what do I say?

It's real easy, skipper, just say "rsvp."

Uh... Uh... That's r.s.v.p., Gilligan...

And I rsvp myself right now!

A lovely morning stroll.

Another beautiful, sun-drenched, carefree day

Here on the island.

Well, my dear, what have we here?

Oh, those must be the answers to our invitation.

I haven't looked at them yet.

Oh, just a formality.

Nobody in his right mind

Would decline an invitation

From the howells, my dear.

Well, that's true. This one's from gilligan.

I didn't know he could write.

What? What?

"Dear mr. And mrs. Howell, I am fine.

"Hope you are the same. Thank you for your invitation,

"But I have just been invited to a previous engagement,

"Which is on the same night as your party,

"Which I cannot come to.

Yours very truly, gilligan."

Well, is he coming, or isn't he coming?

I'm not sure, but I don't think he is.

Like I said, nobody in his right mind

Would decline an invitation from the howells.

This is from the professor. Yes?

He's not coming, either. What?!

He's going to a party in honor of the skipper.

And so is ginger!

And so is mary ann.

[Gasps] they're all going to a party in honor of the skipper.

Oh... Thurston...

Thurston... I think I'm going to faint.

Lovey, my dear, be careful.

Remember that you're a howell.

But do you realize that not only are they

Not coming to our cotillion,

But they're going to a party

That we haven't even been asked to.

Lovey... Yes, thurston?

When you faint, be careful.

I just may b*at you to the floor.

Ohhh...

There, there, there, my dear, my precious one.

But it isn't bad enough that they turned down

The invitation to our party, but not to invite us to theirs...

Oh, what are people coming to?

It's the same all over the world.

One of my ranches in africa declared itself a free nation.

The humiliation of it.

Thurston, dear, I've made up my mind.

The howell cotillion will go on as planned.

Hear, hear! Even though you and I

Will be the only ones attending.

This will be one howell party

Where we don't have to worry about gate-crashers.

I still don't understand how anyone could decline a howell invitation.

Yes, I've been wondering about that.

What could you have done to offend them?

Me, the epitome of charm and grace, offend someone?

Yes, I know most of the time you are sweet and lovable,

But there are times when you're, uh,

Somewhat of a... A ninny.

A ninny?! Now, you take that back!

Certainly not, because it's the truth.

Only yesterday at the beach, you ranted and raged

At poor gilligan in front of everybody.

It was a disgraceful exhibition.

Well, I had a perfect right to act the way I did.

The clumsy oaf stepped on my sand castle.

Nevertheless, it was most humiliating,

And I was very embarrassed for you.

Well! Very well, mrs. Howell,

I will spare you further embarrassment.

I'm going to leave, and I'm not coming back.

I am going to my club!

I'll send for my things later!

I know someone else that isn't going to your silly cotillion...

Me!

M.i.!

Ooh!

Really!

Ohhh!

That man.

♪ Men on a dead man's chest ♪

♪ Yo ho, and a bottle of rum ♪

Avast, make ready to walk the plank!

Ahoy there, matey, you rascal.

Hey, is that what you're gonna wear to the masquerade party?

Yes. What do you think of it?

It's great. Who are you supposed to be?

Who am I supposed to be?

Little bo-peep.

Oh, now I know why you lost your sheep, little bo-peep...

'Cause you only got one peeper.

Oh, it's my own fault.

I had my chance when he fell overboard,

And I had to go fish him out.

I don't know what to wear to the party. I don't have a costume.

Gilligan, you've got to make one.

Now, why don't you go over to the supply hut?

There's a lot of junk in there, and maybe you can pick out something.

That's a great idea.

Wait a minute, gilligan. Since you're going over there,

Why don't you take this stuff back with you?

Ok, skipper. You know, I might find some stuff there

To make a pirate costume.

Ohhh...

Huh. It's addressed to the skipper.

Looks like an invi... Uh-oh.

Skipper!

Skipper!

Skipper!

I don't know how I could've been so hard on the howells.

Yeah. They'd never throw a party without inviting everyone.

Well, but, gilligan, how could I have been so stupid?

I don't think you were stupid. After all, I had the same idea.

Thanks a lot, gilligan. I appreciate what you're saying.

The first thing we gotta do

Is we gotta apologize to the howells. Right.

I mean, we go over and tell 'em it was a misunderstanding...

Wait a minute. We can't apologize to the howells.

Why not?

Because they're not living together.

She's over there... "Away from that man,"

And he's over in the supply hut, "away from that woman."

Well, then in that case, uh,

I'll got tell mr. Howell, you go tell mrs. Howell.

Yeah.


Gilligan, for goodness sakes.

Skipper, wait.

Skipper, let's make it real easy.

I'll go tell mr. Howell, and you go tell mrs. Howell.

All right.

Oh.

Oh, gilligan!

Come on, skipper.

I can imagine how you must've felt, skipper,

Thinking you were excluded from our party.

Yes, mrs. Howell, but everything's all straightened out now.

Yeah. And as that man always said,

"All's well that ends well."

Well, but that's just it, mrs. Howell. Everything isn't well,

I mean, what with you and mr. Howell being separated.

Oh, that.

Well... Well, I feel terrible about it, mrs. Howell.

I feel like it's all my fault.

Now, now, skipper. Actually, you did me a favor.

You showed me thurston howell iii in his true light.

He's arrogant, bigoted, childish, selfish,

Dreadful, and inconsiderate.

Come on, mrs. Howell, he's not that bad.

Those are his good points.

Come on, now, mrs. Howell.

Oh, to think what I gave up to marry that man.

What'd you give up?

Well, i, uh, uh, I can't think right now,

But I must've given up something.

Mrs. Howell, I know you're all steamed up now, but after you cool off,

You'll realize how much you really do love mr. Howell.

Never. He's a closed chapter in my life.

I shall pick up the threads and seek a new life.

Tell me. Do they take women in the foreign legion?

Well, do they?

Very nice of you to apologize, my boy.

Well, it's the least I could do, mr. Howell.

It is?

Yeah. Now that everything's been explained,

I guess you and mrs. Howell will get back together again, huh?

No. As far as I'm concerned,

I never want to hear that woman's name again.

After what she did to me, I feel toward her

As I'd feel toward a... A yale man.

You must be pretty mad, huh?

Mad? Never should've married her in the first place.

You're not married, are you, gilligan?

No. And don't get any ideas, mr. Howell.

I could never be as good a wife as she is.

If I knew then what I know now.

But I was young and foolish.

Could I help it if I was handsome, charming, and debonair?

Well, could i? Well, answer me. Could i?

I don't know what to say.

Just agree with me. Don't say anything.

A simple nod will do.

Gentlemen... You realize

That we must share the responsibility for the howells' separation.

I sure think we ought to take some of the blame.

Don't you, gilligan?

Then you agree we devise a plan to end their hostilities.

Well, I certainly think we ought to do something. How about you, gilligan?

Gilligan, will you stop?

Oh, hello, girls.

Hi.

Hi, girls.

Do you feel all right?

Mary ann, will you stop?

Gilligan! For goodness sakes!

Will you be quiet so we can devise a plan

To get the howells together?

Haven't you figured anything out yet?

Nothing. How about you?

The only thing we know, it's not gonna be easy.

Let's see. The plan must be devious, underhanded, and sly.

It sure has to be.

In other words...

It needs a woman's touch.

So I was thinking,

As long as the cotillion is off, mrs. Howell,

Why don't you come to our party?

Oh, no, thank you, ginger. I couldn't possibly.

Why? You'd have a wonderful time.

But I'm not in a party mood right now.

Will that man be there?

That man? I hope so.

Then I absolutely must refuse.

That's too bad, mrs. Howell,

Because I had the most wonderful costume in mind for you.

You did? What's it like?

Oh, it was just perfect for your figure.

It was an oriental dancing girl.

An oriental dancing girl?

But seeing as you're not going...

Oh, who says I'm not?

Then you are?

[Humming belly-dancing tune]

Honestly, you'll have a wonderful time.

It's gonna be a masquerade party.

No, mary ann. It would be very awkward.

I'm not in the mood for parties, and...

Will that woman be there?

We're counting on it. Ginger's over inviting her now.

In that case, definitely not.

I'll not go to a party that includes someone that considers me a ninny.

That's what she called me. She called me a ninny.

Do you realize I haven't been called a ninny

Since my nanny nanny called me a ninny?

Say, I think I've written a hit tune.

You see, teddy, for the ideal martini,

It must be parts... There we are...

Ha ha ha ha!

And now for the vermouth.

Hello, mr. Howell.

Oh.

I hope I'm not intruding.

No. As a matter of fact, you saved me from drinking alone.

Oh... What's this I hear that you're not coming to our party?

That's right. I'm accepting no social engagements

During this rather unpleasant interlude.

Oh, you can't do that, mr. Howell.

I was counting on your coming.

After all, you're the best dancer on the island.

Oh, can't a man keep a secret?

Take that, jose greco.

And that!

Go, mr. Howell!

Oh! Owww!

Olé!

Oh, you've got to come, mr. Howell,

If only for my sake.

Well, it might be awkward. It would embarrass mrs. Howell.

Oh, it won't embarrass her. Please?

Just one little dance?

Well... Please?

One little dance wouldn't hurt.

Oh, good. I'll be waiting for you, mr. Howell.

Just so you know me, uh...

I'll be dressed as marie antoinette.

Marie antoinette.

Until tonight, my queen.

Mmm, how sweet it is.

Oh. Is mr. Howell coming, or isn't he?

Ho-hum.

Oh! He's coming.

I'm almost finished taking up the hem on mrs. Howell's costume.

Well, now you can let it way down. Way down.

What? I know what I'm doing.

Hi, mrs. Howell. Gilligan said you wanted to see me.

Oh, ginger, I just tried on this costume. It's way too long.

That's funny. I just tried on mine. It's way too short.

What are we going to do? The party's in a few hours.

There's only one thing we can do. We'll have to swap costumes.

I'll go as the oriental dancing girl,

And you go as marie antoinette.

Oh, that's a marvelous idea! I feel very relieved.

I might've caught cold in this.

Oh, believe me, mrs. Howell,

You could catch more than a cold in this.

[Music plays]

Ginger, where's mrs. Howell?

She'll be along.

Hey, skipper, that's some outfit you've got.

Well, I like yours, too, julius. Ha ha ha!

Where's gilligan?

Oh, he'll be here any minute now.

[Gilligan gives tarzan cry]

There he is now.

Ahh-eee-ahh-eee-ahh!

[Coughs]

Ahh-eee-ahh-eee-ahh!

Aah! No!

Ahh-eee-ahh!

Oh! Oh!

Little buddy! Unh!

Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Me tarzan.

You jane?

Not jane.

Ohhh... Oh, gilligan! Help us get him

Over on the couch, girls.

That's it.

Be careful.

Does anything hurt, gilligan?

Get his feet up there. That's right.

He wanted to play tarzan. I told him, but...

You didn't break any bones? You're all right?

Oh, poor gilligan.

[Music playing]

[Indistinct conversation]

My queen!

I have come for our dance.

[Chuckles]

Oops. I'm... I'm... I'm terribly sorry.

I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm all right.

Skipper: oh, good, gilligan.

I'm ter... I can only dance with my wife, you see.

Yes?

Pardon me a minute.

Oh, it's no use, ginger.

I may look gay and frivolous,

But beneath this little boy suit is a broken man.

I can't go on without my dear, dear wife.

I wish I could tell her, but I just can't.

This deuced howell pride.

So please, please forgive me.

Oh, my darling, I do forgive you.

Lovey!

Lovey, it's you!

Yes, darling, back where I belong.

No, but first... First I must apologize.

Oh, no, dear, I must apologize first.

No, I insist.

Oh, no. I insist. No, I insist.

Mrs. Howell.

Mr. Howell.

It's my dance.

Thurston. No, I'm sorry.

All our dances are taken.

Boy, what a mess.

Hi, skipper. That sure was some party

We had last night, huh?

Yes, it was, gilligan.

You know somethin'? I used to hate parties

Until I found out how much fun they were.

Yeah, they are fun, aren't they?

We should have a party once a week.

Certainly, we should.

How about twice a week? Or times a week?

Monday, wednesday, and friday. I just love parties.

You love parties, huh? Yeah.

Right now, I think you ought to get

On the other end of this broom and clean up the mess.

Me? Why me?

Well, you don't expect me to do it.

After all, I'm the skipper.

Boy... I sure do hate parties.

♪ Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In the tropic island nest ♪

No phone... No lights...

♪ No motorcars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪
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