02x28 - Allergy Time

[bunniefuu]

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship set ground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

Ah-choo!

Ah-choo!

All this sneezing and itching

Is driving me crazy.

Skipper, have you eaten anything out of the ordinary lately?

Like poison berries maybe?

Ah-choo!

Pardon me, professor. Thanks a lot, gilligan.

Argh!

Itching and sneezing.

Itching and sneezing.

Oh. Hey, skipper. Take it easy.

Nobody ever d*ed from a little itching and sneezing.

Ah... Ah-choo!

Have they, professor?

Well, unfortunately, gilligan,

These symptoms may be an indication

Of something far more serious.

Like what?

Well, according to this book on tropical diseases,

It could be very serious.

We'll have to watch him carefully.

Ah-ah-ah-choo!

Skipper, how do you feel?

Oh, hello, professor. I feel excellently.

Well, that's remarkable.

And we still don't know what caused the itching and sneezing.

Yeah. Isn't that amazing?

I don't know what caused it.

Maybe I invented some kind of a new disease, huh? Ha ha ha.

Oh, by the way, the girls are making a net

For your ping-pong table out of sugar cane.

Out of sugar cane?

Absolutely.

Well, now, that's a great idea.

In case we get tired of playing ping-pong,

We can always eat the net.

Oh, boy. I can hardly wait

For the ping-pong table to be done.

Smash, powee, bang!

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh, what?

I lost the ball. Ha ha ha.

Oh, gilligan, for goodness sakes.

Just never mind this. Now, get some bamboo

And start lining the side of the table.

Skipper, you sure you feel all right?

I feel fine, gilligan. Thank you.

Now, get with the bamboo.

I don't understand. Yesterday you were sicker than a dog.

In fact, you were scratching like a dog.

Professor, maybe he has fleas.

Gilligan, I assure you

I never felt better in my life.

Well, you got to admit, skipper, whatever you had,

You made a most amazing recovery.

If he's fully recovered,

He might have a sneaky disease like my aunt sarah had.

It goes away, then turns around and comes right back.

Gilligan, that's ri... Ah-ah-ah-ah-choo!

Uh-oh.

What do you mean "uh-oh"?

Can't a fellow sneeze

Without everybody staring at him?

Ah-ah-ah-choo!

Ah-choo!

Ah-choo!

Oh, well. Back to the books.

This time look up under "sneaky diseases."

Ah-ah-ah-aah!

Gilligan, what was that for?

Well, at least it stopped you from sneezing.

I checked you out thoroughly, skipper,

And there is no evidence of tropical disease.

Oh, that's marvelous, professor.

I'll have to look for some other type of disease.

Oh, that's terrible.

However, I'm sure it can't be too serious.

Oh, that's wonderful.

But still, an undiagnosed illness could prove to be fatal.

Oh, back to terrible again.

I'm sorry to have to tell you

That you probably have communitus allergititis.

I do?

I knew it. I knew it.

Oh, professor, now, straight from the shoulder.

Come on, now.

How much longer do I have to live?

Well, I'd say about, uh, more years.

Years?

Yes. Communitus allergititis

Is merely a fancy word for allergy.

Oh, professor, I'm sure glad I got, uh,

Communi... Way... Aller...

Whatever that, you know, that you just said.

I'm so happy, professor.

Lovey, we must find out

What the poor captain is allergic to.

Well, maybe he's allergic to my collection of jewelry.

Oh, please. Those diamonds I bought you

Are nothing to sneeze at, believe me.

You know, thurston, the whole thing is ridiculous.

After all, the skipper has a common allergy,

And we don't own anything common...

Except, of course, our common stocks.

Well, let's see.

I have the, uh, seaweed,

The palm fronds, and the coconut shells

The professor asked me to get for the skipper's allergy test.

I've got samples of all my cosmetics,

Including one perfume

Guaranteed to drive any normal man wild.

And to think I wasted all my time in kansas

Using honey behind each ear.

Honey? Did you attract many boys that way?

Not very many boys, but lots of flies.

Well, obviously you're not allergic to anything

The girls or the howells brought over.

Well, what do we try next?

Well, we just keep trying, that's all.

Hey, professor, have the skipper sniff this.

What is that, gilligan?

It's a duck egg.

A duck egg?

[Duck quacks]

Take it easy, gretchen.

I'll bring it back in a minute.

For heaven's sake, gilligan.

Take that thing back to its mother...

Ah-ah-ah-choo!

Professor, he sneezed.

That's ridiculous, gilligan.

For goodness... I'm not allergic

To a duck egg?

Gilligan, give me that egg.

Then you walk back there by yourself.

By myself?

Yes.

Ah... Hmm.

All right. Now walk slowly toward the skipper.

Ah-ah-ah-choo!

How about that, professor?

He thinks I'm a duck egg.

Now walk back again, gilligan.

Ah... Ah-huh.

Professor, what does this mean?

Why, it's simple, skipper.

You're allergic to gilligan.

Who, me?

Ah-ah-ah-ah... Ah-choo!

Gilligan.

Huh? I'm almost ready, professor.

When you bathed, did you use the special soap

I made out of non-allergic ingredients?

Uh-huh. And I scrubbed so hard,

I think I scrubbed a couple of freckles off.

All right.

Professor, do you really think

That I'm allergic to gilligan?

Well, it's probably not gilligan himself.

You know, while there have been rare medical cases

Where one person was actually allergic to another,

In this instance, I feel it's probably

Something on gilligan's person

Which has triggered your allergy.

Sure. It's got to be. I mean, it's ridiculous

That I'm allergic to gilligan.

I mean, we've been buddies for years.

Well, come on. Let's see what happens.

Gilligan?

Ok, skipper. You can come in and smell me now.

Hi, little buddy.

Hi, skipper.

How are things?

Well, i... [Sniffs]

I think things are just swell, gilligan.

Things are fine.

How are things with you?

You know something, skipper?

You're not sneezing or scratching anymore.

You know something? You're right.

I'm not sneezing...

You're not allergic to me.

Wasn't that a silly idea?

I was allergic to my little buddy.

Oh, gilligan, we gotta go out

And have a bit of lunch together right now.

Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

That must have been one just left over.

Just left over, yeah. Just one...

Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

Ah-choo!

Ah-choo!

Oh, gilligan, I gotta get away from you

Before I sneeze all the fillings out of my teeth.

Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

Ah-choo!

Ah-choo!

Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

Do you really think this is all in my mind, professor?

Let's put it this way, skipper.

It's possible for an allergy

To be psychological instead of physical.

But that's ridiculous. I like him.

Gilligan is a friend of mine.

But you do admit that he annoys you from time to time.

But I don't dislike him.

It's just that I'd like to k*ll him every now and then.

We'll soon find out.

If the others file through

When you're blindfolded

And you sneeze only at gilligan,

It will prove conclusively

That you're allergic to him

For physical and not mental reasons.

Oh, thurston, isn't this exciting?

Yes, it is.

However, I doubt if sniffing the captain

Will ever replace polo as the national pastime.

Can you imagine someone testing me

To see if I could be mistaken for a boy?

You'd better take off those earrings.

Gilligan seldom wears bells that tinkle.

Oh, gilligan, don't look so downcast.

The world isn't coming to an end.

It might as well be.

My best friend can't stand me,

And I don't know whether it's accidental or on purpose.

Professor: all right, folks,

File in one at a time,

Pause a few seconds, and then exit.

And, please, no talking.

I don't think he recognized me.

Shh! Quiet.

Oh, quiet! Both of you.

Now... Don't you...

Guess who.

Oh, ginger! Stop it.

[Whispering] professor, I'm sorry about...

Oh, mary ann!

Gilli... Gilligan, is that you?

Well, don't just stand there.

S-s-say something.

Ah-choo!

Gesundheit.

Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

Gesundheit.

Thanks a lot, gilligan.

Don't forget to take the checkers now,

'Cause you can play with the professor,

Being as you're gonna be living with him.

Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

The professor's a real swell guy.

You can learn a lot living with a fella like him.

Like what?

Well, like...

Learning how to count up to in latin.

Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

Skipper, I'd better be going

So you can stop sneezing and scratching.

Thanks a lot, gilligan.

Good... Good-bye.

Ah... Ah... Ah-phoot!

Uh, I'll be seeing you around, skipper.

Well, of course you'll be seeing me around, gilligan.

After all, we're on the same island, aren't...

Ahh.

Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

I forgot my spy ring with the secret compartment.

Gilligan, will you go, please?

Hey, skipper?

Ah-ah-choo!

Gilligan, what did you forget this time?

I forgot.

Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah...

Oh, I just remembered.

Ah-choo!

Professor?

Professor, are you asleep?

Huh?

Oh, what is it, gilligan?

Don't you ever snore?

Not that I know of.

Good night, gilligan.

Good night, professor.

I can't sleep. It's too quiet.

It's too what?

I'm used to the skipper snoring.

He snores something awful.

All right, gilligan. All right.

I tell you what,

If you let me go back to sleep,

I'll try to snore like the skipper.

Is that a deal?

It's a deal.

Thank you.

How you gonna do that?

Gilligan, will you please go...

Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

Would you go back to sleep?!

Ah... Ah-choo!

Gilligan, I hate to tell you this, but...

I know, I know.

You're allergic to me, too.

Ah-choo!

Ohh!

Ah-choo!

Yes... Big transaction.

[Mumbling]

Mr. Howell?

Mr. Howell.

Hmm?

I want to thank you and mrs. Howell

For letting me stay here.

That's all right, my boy. Not at all.

Go back to sleep. Back to sleep.

I don't understand

Why the skipper and the professor are allergic to me.

Nobody's ever been allergic before.

Except my father used to say I caused him hives.

Your father must have been a prince [mumbling].

Mr. Howell, I sure miss the skipper snoring.

Do you ever snore?

No, gilligan, I don't snore,

But, confidentially, mrs. Howell talks in her sleep.

Thurston howell!

That's a perfectly awful thing to say.

And the terrible thing is that I can't understand a word that she says.

Ah... Ah-choo!

At least I don't walk in my... Ah-choo!

My sleep like some people I know.

Ah-choo!

But at least I do it... Ah-choo! Quietly.

Nothing personal, dear boy, but au revoir, will you?

What does that mean?

Au revoir, my dear boy,

Is french for "go sleep in a hotel."

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Ah-choo!

Oh, I think...

Hey, is anybody asleep?

I think ginger is.

Not anymore.

Gilligan, try to go to sleep, will you?

I don't know,

I'm beginning to think the whole world's allergic to me.

Oh, gilligan, don't be silly.

Ginger and I aren't sneezing, are we?

No, you're not. Huh.

Now could we all close our mouths and our eyes

So we can... Ah... Ah... Choo!

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Which one of you is that?

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Both of us.

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Oh, gilligan. Gilligan.

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Oh, isn't it amazing?

I just realized everybody's here,

And nobody is sneezing.

And why should we be? Gilligan's not around.

Yeah. That's right.

Say, come to think of it, I wonder where gilligan is.

Oh, skipper!

Skipper, look at the note I just found

Pinned to the supply hut.

"To whom it may concern, and everyone else,

"I will never, ever again

"Make any of you sneeze, cry, itch, or other things anymore...

"Because I am moving to the other side of the island

"To live out the rest of my life by myself

"Or maybe even become a hermit.

Sincerely, gilligan."

How very thoughtful.

Remind me to send the dear boy a care package.

Come on, mr. Howell, don't tell me you're happy

Because gilligan moved out on us.

No, I'm not.

Though my nose is very grateful.

Mrs. Howell: that's correct, skipper.

I really must agree with thurston.

No matter how much we love gilligan,

This constant sneezing is quite uncouth.

To say nothing about what it does to a girl's makeup.

It's not that we won't miss gilligan, skipper.

It's just that there isn't any other solution.

I can't believe my ears.

Here gilligan is one of the sweetest,

Kindest little guys in the whole world.

You, mr. Howell, didn't he just fix

Your favorite chair last week?

Yes, yes, yes.

The dear boy does mean well.

It's just not going to be the same

Without gilligan around here.

No, it's just not going to be the same.

What are we standing here for?

Why don't we go out and bring him back?

Oh, let's do that.

How would we find him in all this wilderness?

We'll find a way, mrs. Howell.

This time, we'll use our heads.

Mr. Howell: I've got a better idea.

This time, let's use our noses.

Gilligan, where are you?

Keep sniffing, lovey.

We'll know we're getting close when we start to...

[Sniffing]... Sneeze.

Thurston, I never knew there were so many

Different kinds of smells in the world.

Yes, there's so many things we take for granted:

The fragrance of a wet rolls-royce after an april shower.

The marvelous aroma of a brand-new sable coat.

Or the heady intoxication of the stock market

When it first opens in the morning.

Thurston, I do so miss the smells of simple, everyday living.

Chin up, old girl. Keep sniffing.

Gilligan? Gilligan?

Gilligan! Gilligan!

Ah-choo!

Gilligan?

I know you're around here somewhere.

Gilligan! Gilligan!

Gilligan?

Ginger, you have so much perfume on,

All I can smell is you.

Well, naturally. If I can't find gilligan,

I wanna make sure gilligan finds me.

Oh, gee. Poor gilligan's out here all by himself...

Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

Mary ann, you... You... Ah-choo!

He must be in the cave.

I'll go get the others. What for?

To have them talk gilligan into coming back with us.

Oh, all right. You do it your way. I'll do it mine.

What's your way?

Well, the way I practice the gentle art of persuasion,

Three's a crowd.

As matter of fact, sometimes even two

Gets to be a little crowded.

Gilligan?

Ginger. What are you doing here?

Why, i... Ah... Ah... Choo!

I miss you, gilligan.

And I want you to come home.

You do? What about the allergy?

Silly boy. What's a little sneezing and itching

When a man's a man, and a woman's a woman?

But everybody's so miserable.

Ah... Choo!

Miserable?

Oh, gilligan, this effect you have on me

Makes you seem more mysterious... Ah-choo!

And exciting.

It does?

Yes. When I stand next to you like this,

I... I just tingle all over.

Ah-choo!

And I get shivers up my spine.

Ah... Ah... Choo! Ah-choo!

And I also sneeze my head off.

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Gilligan, little buddy!

Ginger: ah-choo!

Gilligan?

Gilligan, come out! We want to see you.

Hi, skipper.

Hello, gilligan.

Ah-choo.

We came down to say hello...

Everybody's here.

Yes! We're sort of an official committee

To plead with you to...

We want you to know that we miss you, dear.

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Gilligan, what we're trying to say is that...

Is there anything we can... Do... Ah-choo!

To make your life more comfortable, is what he's...

Ah-choo!

Anything at all...

It's no use, gilligan. We gotta get out of here.

We'll write you a letter.

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

Gentlemen, I've got good news.

I've finally developed a vaccine for the gilligan allergy.

Well, good for you. Yeah.

You what?! You what?!

Yes.

Did you hear that, mr. Howell?

Great news, professor!

I'm gonna go get my little buddy!

Little buddy to you, but he's my little golf cart!

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow... ♪

Ah-choo!

Hey, everybody, gilligan's back!

Come out and see our little buddy.

Oh, welcome home, gilligan!

Thank you, mrs. Howell.

There, now, gilligan... Uhp... Ah-choo!

Better to stand downwind

Until the professor gives you the vaccine.

Which way is downwind?

Oh, hello, gilligan.

Well, are we all ready for our vaccine?

You're not gonna s*ab me with that thing.

Oh, come on, gilligan. That needle just looks big.

That's because it is big.

That's not a needle. That's a harpoon!

Come now, gilligan. What are you, a...

Ah-choo! Man or a mouse?

Squeak squeak squeak!

Shame on you, gilligan. I'd take that if I were you.

There's nothing to it, now is there, professor?

There seems to be a slight mis...

Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

A slight misconception here.

The sh*ts are for us, not gilligan.

There, you see?

For us?! For us?!

We are taking the sh*ts, not gilligan.

Oh, good gracious.

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Sort of an anti-gilligan... Hhaahh... Vaccine.

Precisely, and we shall need sh*ts a week. Perhaps .

For how long?

As long as we're on the island and allergic to gilligan.

But, professor, that could take years.

He'll turn us all into pincushions.

Yes. We'd better stop drinking, or we'll start sprinkling.

Where are you going, gilligan?

Back to the cave.

Well... Just a moment... Ah... Ah...

Oh, that's a big one!

Head for the hills!

Ah... Ah... [Sniffs]

Yah... Ah... Ah... Ah...

Professor? Professor?

Professor, wake up, please! Wake up!

What is it, skipper?

I've made up my mind.

I want my anti-gilligan sh*ts right now.

All right, but I warn you,

This is going to hurt a little bit.

Oh, don't worry about that.

You know, when I was in the navy,

I was used as a human target for the entire japanese fleet.

I'll be with you in just a minute, skipper.

I had ships sh*t right out from under me.

Uhhhh... All right, skipper, roll up...

Well, go on, gilligan, move.

No, skipper, it's your move.

You lame brain. I moved last.

I beg to differ, skipper. I moved last.

Gilligan, you fathead, it's your move.

You know something, skipper? What?

It's nice to be home again.

It sure is, little buddy.

Ah... Ah... I was just kidding.

You sure know how to hurt a guy.

By the way, skipper, thanks for taking those sh*ts.

You're a good friend.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

Oh, all right. I'll move.

Now crown my checker before I crown you with this table.

Now it's my move, huh?

Yes.

Oh! Thurston, it hurts.

Oh, when I laugh, it hurts.

Ooh, such pain.

Oh, I don't know what you folks are complaining about.

This makes sh*ts for me.

Well, you're bigger than we are.

At least none of you had to give yourselves a sh*t.

Skipper, everybody, just listen.

You don't have to take any sh*ts.

What did you say?

We don't have to take any sh*ts?

No. I just found out what's making everybody sneeze.

It's the oil from the papaya nuts

I've been using for hair tonic.

I just made a new batch, and it makes me sneeze.

Watch.

Ah-choo! Great news, huh?

Oh, gilligan, I've got great news for you.

You do? What is it?

We're gonna k*ll ya!

[All shouting]

Hi, professor.

Oh, skipper. Did you make it?

Yeah. I've got it right here.

Oh, that's perfect!

Wait till gilligan sees this needle.

Let's get him over here.

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Yeah, professor?

Gilligan, little buddy, the professor's very concerned

About your present condition.

He is? What about?

Yes, gilligan. Your body has absorbed

So much of that papaya nut oil through your scalp

That I feel you should have a sh*t of allergy serum

To guard against a sudden reaction.

Oh, is that all?

Well, if all of you could take sh*ts for me,

I guess I can take a little old...

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Come on, come on, come on.

Aah!

Oh!

Well, gilligan...

It doesn't matter where you get the sh*t.

♪ Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In their tropic island nest ♪

♪ No phone ♪ ♪ no lights ♪

♪ No motor cars ♪

♪ Not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle! ♪