06x09 - Carol

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

FRED: ♪ I really can't stay ♪

♪ 'Cause, baby
It's cold inside ♪

♪ I got to go away ♪

♪ 'Cause, baby
It's cold inside ♪♪

[HUMS TUNEFULLY]

Sit down, son. Have
some lunch. All right.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

I'll get it, son.

Come in!

Hello!

Hi, Lamont. Oh, hiya, Grady.

Hi, Fred. Hey, Grady.

I just ran into your mailman.

Now take his truck and
run over Esther's face.

He gave me this
package to give to you.

Oh, thanks, Grady.

I didn't hear anybody
invite me to sit down and eat.

Shh...

Me either.

According to this postmark
here, it's from Buffalo.

It must be a bill.

A Buffalo Bill.

[LAUGHS]

You hear that? A Buffalo Bill.

You didn't get that.

[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]

Huh?

That's really beautiful.

What is it?

Well, what does it look like?

Oh, you know, it look... That...

That looks just
like one of tho...

I mean... It's
exactly like wha...

I give up. What is it?

It's one of Jimmy
Carter's fillings.

Well, whatever it is,

at least you can't say
you already have one.

What a dumb thing
to send to somebody.

No wonder they didn't put a
return address on the package.

What do you do
with a silver ball?

Play catch in Beverly Hills.

Let me take a look at this, Pop.

Hey, this is sterling silver.

This might be dumb and ugly,
but it's worth $300 or $400.

What? You two have no class.

Don't you know a thing
of beauty when you see it?

I wonder who it's from.

I don't know anybody in Buffalo.

Hey, wait a minute, I
think there's a note in there.

Yeah, here it is.
There's a note attached.

Well, read it. I don't
have my glasses.

I don't think I should,
Pop. It's marked "Personal."

Oh, I'll read it.

Go ahead, read it, Lamont.

Okay.

"My dear, dear Freddy..."

"My dear, dear Freddy..."

I feel a tear coming in my eye.

Well, move it over and
make room for my fist.

Read, Lamont.

"I hope you
enjoy this little gift.

"The minute I saw it, I
was reminded of old times.

"I promised never
to forget you, Freddy,

"and I haven't.

"I'll be arriving in Los
Angeles on Tuesday afternoon

"and I must see you.

Yours, Carol."

Oh, wow, Freddy,
it's from Yours Carol.

Hey, Pop, who's Carol?

I don't know, I
never met a Carol.

Well, she sounds like
she knows you, Fred.

Come on, Freddy, who is she?

I used to be acquainted
with a girl named Cheryl

who was terrific.

Now, if you want to hear
about her, okay, then.

See, we were all alone...

We don't want to
hear about Cheryl!

We don't want to
hear about Cheryl!

Fred, are you here?

FRED: I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming on down.

Eh, what are you doing here?

And what are you
all dressed up for?

Oh, I'm not dressed up.

I just happened to
be in the neighborhood

and I thought I'd stop
by to see how you were.

Well, since when did fools
start making house calls?

Is Carol here yet?

No, and by the time she is,

I lay you five against
two you're gone.

These five against them two.

Oh, now, come on, Fred.

Now, I know that you didn't
want to talk in front of Lamont,

but you and Carol were
really lovers, weren't you?

Grady, I'm gonna tell
you one more time,

I don't remember her.

Hey, Pop, Carol's here.

W-where?

Outside, paying a cab.

Listen, son, is
she breathtaking?

You could say that.

Well, look here,

when she knocks on
the door, you open it,

and that'll give me a
chance to look at her.

And once I see her, I'll
know if I recognize her.

I-I doubt it, Pop, but okay.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Freddy!

Freddy!

Freddy!

Freddy.

Carol.

Carol.

Carol.

Fred Sanford!

Carol... Carol.

No wonder he wanted
to keep Carol a secret.

Freddy, introduce
me to your friends.

Oh, that's right, you never
did meet my son, did you?

Lamont, meet
Carol. Hello, Carol.

This is my friend,
Grady. Meet Grady, Carol.

Carol who, Fred?

Carol who? Did you hear that?

Carol who? Like... Like, he must
think you changed your name.

No, it's still Rhodes.

You see, it's still Rhodes.

Now, just shake hands,
Grady, and shut up.

Here, have a seat.

Freddy, were you
surprised to hear from me?

Well, I certainly was.

And thanks for
the wonderful gift.

It was, uh... It was,
uh... very, very round.

I knew you'd understand.

[LAUGHS]

Your father and me
go back a lot of years.

A lot of years.

Freddy, I had a
long trip, you know.

Do you mind if I
freshen up? No, no.

The bathroom's upstairs,
first door on the left.

A lot of soap, a lot of towels,

a lot of years.

CAROL: Freddy?

You don't know how I
feel to see you again.

Yes, and words escape me too.

Oh, it's so nice to see old
friends get together again.

I still don't know who he is!

Yeah, but you're
making progress, Fred.

At least now we know that
you and Carol were never lovers.

Don't we, Fred?

Hey, look, Pop, if you
don't know this guy Carol,

why don't you just come
right out and say so?

Because he's a friend of
mine, dummy, an old friend.

And if he can spend
money on presents like that

and take cabs,
he's a rich old friend,

so I don't want to offend him.

Have you got any plans tonight?

Yeah, I'm going to stay
home and watch TV.

See, there's a rerun

where Godzilla eats
Hershey, Pennsylvania

and gets nuts.

Cancel it. I'm taking
you out for dinner.

And then we gonna stay up
all night long and celebrate.

How about it?

Be careful, Fred,
you hardly know him.

Well, I do know
a great rib joint.

That's amazing! Your father's
got a memory like an elephant.

He does?

After all these years,

he still remember that
my favorite are ribs.

How could I forget?

[CAR TIRES SQUEAL]

[CAR DOORS CLOSE]

[FRED AND CAROL SING
DRUNKENLY, BOTTLES SMASH]

♪ I think about you ♪

♪ All through the day ♪

♪ My buddy ♪

Hey, Pop, do you realize...?

♪ My buddy ♪

♪ No buddy ♪

♪ Quite so true ♪♪

Do you realize what time it
is? It's 3:30 in the morning!

Now, where have you been?

Painting the town!

Ha!

I can smell the paint.

What did you bring Carol
home with you for anyway?

And why should
he stay at a hotel

when the Sanford Arms
is 90 percent vacant?

Besides, he's my
best buddy in the world.

You mean you finally remembered
where you know him from?

No, but I like the way he picks
up chicks... I mean, checks.

I mean, chicks and checks.

Pop, you had dinner
with him last night.

Didn't you talk about anything
that was familiar to you?

We did.

The twins.

Oh, he has children?

No, no, no, the Sadler twins.

We picked them
up in the rib joint,

then we went dancing and
forgot to talk about anything.

I found out one
important thing, though.

About Carol? No.

About the Sadler twins.

I found out how
to tell them apart.

How?

The one with the tattoo
on the forehead... lisps.

Freddy! Freddy!

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Rhodes,
he already went to bed.

He told me you were gonna
be staying in the rooming house,

so I got a key over
here for you: 15A.

Say, uh... 15A.

Would you say my father's
changed a lot over the years?

Not one little bit.

He's the same classy
guy he was 40 years ago.

Forty years ago, huh?

Didn't he ever
tell you about us?

Uh, no, it must've
slipped his mind.

Believe me when I tell
you he was one classy guy,

and he still is.

Not once last night did he
ever mention the robbery.

The robbery? Which robbery?

The one Freddy and I pulled.

The what?

Me and Freddy robbed one of
the biggest banks in America.

[LAUGHS]

What's so funny?

Well... Well...

I'm sorry, but for
a minute there,

I thought you said

that you and my pop
held up a bank together.

[LAUGHS]

That's what I said!

That's what I thought you said.

Oh, hiya, Pop!

Oh, son, please.
Please don't shout.

Don't even whisper.

I-I-I'll just read your lips.

Look, why don't you
just sit down here

and have a nice,
hot cup of coffee?

No, I think I'll fix me
something for my hangover.

Okay.

After you went
to bed last night,

I had a talk with Carol,
Pop, and he told me...

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh, earthquake! Earthquake, son!

Would you just relax, huh?

Oh. That's only the door.

Just relax.

Come in! Ah!

Hiya, Fred! Oh, Grady...

Listen, the one thing I don't
need this morning is you.

Listen, no, I don't
know who Carol is.

No, I don't know
where I met him.

I knew it. I knew it.

That just proves that my
theory is 100 percent correct.

LAMONT: What, uh...?

What theory, Grady?

Well, the reason that Fred
can't remember who Carol is

is because he never met him.

You see, Carol is a nut.

And so are you.

Now, wait a minute, Fred.

Just hear me out, now.

I mean, the old-buddy routine
is just a way to meet a celebrity.

Now, see,

I read where it happens to
Frank Sinatra all the time.

But, Grady, I am
not Frank Sinatra.

Well, then, my theory is
perfect up to that point, isn't it?

Lamont, I think you should
have the police run a check

on this guy and Frank Sinatra.

I think it would be a
waste of time, Grady.

And besides, Pop already
knows who Carol is.

They used to be in
business together.

Now, what's that
supposed to mean?

Are you sure you want to talk
about this in front of Grady?

Yes. Sure, I'm sure.

Especially since I don't know

what we're going
to talk about anyway.

Oh, well, thank you, Fred.

I'm honored.

Well, listen, now,
what kind of business

were we supposed
to be in together?

Come on, Pop, the
bank robbery business.

Are you crazy?

Come on, don't try to deny it.
Carol told me all about it, man.

You and him held
up a bank together.

Are you crazy?

Wow, that sounds
like bigtime, Fred.

How much did you get?

Nothing, because
it never happened.

Are you sure, Fred?

I mean, if you don't
remember Carol,

you probably don't remember
that you held up the bank.

Take my word for it,
Grady, it never happened.

Hey, Pop, wait a minute now.

I'm a pretty good
judge of character,

and I don't think
Carol is lying.

Well, I don't know,
though. He might be.

Fred, I think you should
throw the bum out.

I can't do that.
I can't do that.

He's an old friend of mine,

and he's from Buffalo,
and he's in the chips.

Would you stop it?

Now, he came here for
some reason, didn't he?

And I'm not throwing him out

until either I find out
what the reason is

or he runs out of money,

whichever comes first.

Maybe he's going to
hit another bank, Fred,

and he wants you to
drive the getaway car.

Grady, can I ask you a question?

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Are you crazy?!

Good morning, Freddy.

Have you ever
seen a day like this?

I don't know.

I haven't seen this one yet.

Can't get my eyes to focus.

We didn't have a chance
to talk much last night.

Can you believe
it's been 40 years?

Has it been that long?

Yeah, the year,
the summer of 1936.

A lot of years.

Cleveland!

Cleveland, Ohio was a
good old town in those days,

and you was a pretty
good old pool hustler too.

They didn't call you
"Cue Ball" for nothing.

Cue Ball, right,
right. Cue Ball.

Nobody's called
me that for years.

Jake's! Good old Jake's.

You hustled me there
for four straight days.

All we did was sh**t
pool and eat ribs.

Yeah, yeah. Carol Rhodes:
you were my private pigeon.

I didn't have my
mind on the game.

Them four days, I was casing
the bank across the street.

I couldn't have pulled
that job without you.

But I didn't do anything.

You gave me time to
get away with $150,000.

Well, you didn't get far,

because you got
caught the same day.

They didn't catch
me. I gave myself up.

That's why I'm here, Freddy.

To give you your half.

My half?

Fifty-fifty, just
like I promised.

I got the money in my room.

I'll go get it.

FRED: Good.

Hey, Lamont!
Lamont, get in here!

Come here, son.
What's the matter, Pop?

Listen, here's what
we're going to do.

We're gonna sell this
business and retire.

We're gonna travel all over
the world and just spend money.

We're rich! Carol went to get
my half of the holdup money.

So now you're going to admit
that you was in on that holdup.

No, dummy, but
I was in the bank.

See, I was in the bank making
my weekly 10-cent deposit

on my Christmas fund.

Ten cents?

Yeah, there was a
Depression on, you know?

I mean, anyway,
here's what happened.

Hey, Cue Ball, look who's here.

FRED: Hey, my pigeon Carol.

Like having money
in the bank. Yeah.

Hey, Carol. What are you
doing? Putting in or taking out?

Taking out. I'm making
a big withdrawal.

Good, good, then maybe we
can have our little game, huh?

I don't think so. I'm
going out of town.

What's the matter, Carol?
Why are you so nervous?

Uh, because I can't spell.

Well, don't feel bad about that.

Probably everybody
in this bank can't spell,

including the president.

Yeah, but he ain't
writing a holdup note.

A holdup note? Shh.

The guard'll hear you.

Eh?

Are you crazy? You'll
never get away with it.

I might if you
help me. Forget it.

You lucky, Freddy. You
got a trade hustling pool.

I ain't had a steady job
since this Depression came,

and I was unemployed
three years before that.

Well, listen, you rob this bank,

you'll be employed
the rest of your life

making license plates.

Yeah, but I got a great plan.

They all had great plans.

Ma Barker, Dillinger, lay away.

Yeah, but mine won't miss.

All you gotta do is
take care of the guard.

Eh?

I'll split fifty-fifty with you. I
already got the note written.

Uh, let me see that.

Carol, they're going to laugh
you right out of this bank.

I told you I couldn't spell.

But this is ridiculous.

Listen, "Dear bank manger.

"This is a stink up.

"Put all the money in
this brown piper bug.

One falls move and
I'll short your herd off."

Okay, okay, then we'll
do it without the note.

You just take care of the guard.

Eh?

I'm gonna take
care of the guard.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Hey, Cue Ball, what's happening?

My pigeon is robbing this bank.

What? Hey, man,
let's get out of here!

I can't, Jake. I can't.

I gotta go tell this
guard over here

so Carol won't be
getting in a lot of trouble.

What can I do for
you, young fella?

Well, the, uh, the main
thing is... don't panic.

A holdup! No, no, no, shh!

No, you see, my friend took
the bank manager in the back...

And that's a g*n you
got in that case, right?

No, no, this is a cue
stick. I'll show it to you.

Look, friend, look, you ain't
gonna have no trouble with me.

I'm retiring next week.

I got my... I got my
pension to think of.

I've been on this
job a lot of years.

A lot of years.

Well, what about the robbery?

Oh, my goodness, a robbery!

No, I'm not one of the guys.

Don't short. Please
don't short me.

Thank you, Cue Ball.
I'll never forget you.

Bye!

Everybody here's
out of their herds.

Of course, when he
said, "I'll see you later,"

I didn't know it would
be 40 years later.

Well, how much did Carol
get away with anyway, Pop?

A hundred and fifty
thousand dollars.

We're rich, son.

I get half.

You mean to tell me he's
going to give you $75,000?

Not give me,
dummy. It's my share.

I worked hard for it.

Hey, Pop, um...

you shouldn't take that money.

Why not? I mean, I took
care of the guard, didn't I?

It's stolen money,
Pop. But I didn't steal it.

I mean, that
crook Carol stole it.

I mean, it's better that
an honest man like me

should have it than him.

Come on, Pop.
Where are your ethics?

You're looking at
my ethics right now.

It's time for a change.

Hi, Lamont.

Uh, Lamont was just
leaving, weren't you, son?

No! I'm going to stay here.

I want to see this.

I told him about the good news
and he's very excited about it.

Yeah, I'm ecstatic. Yeah.

For $75,000, you
should be happy.

Freddy, actually, your half
don't come to that much.

FRED: Why not?

You said that after the holdup

that you put the money
in a nice, safe place.

I did. I went right
away to another bank

and opened up a savings account.

With the stolen money?

It was all part of my plan.

While I was doing time, that
money was drawing interest.

That's right, interest.

I should be getting
more than $75,000.

Go ahead. And
then what happened?

After I served 20 years, I
made a deal with the police.

I offered to give
back the $150,000

in exchange for parole.

You gave away our money?

But I kept the interest.

And the police went for that?

They didn't know
about the interest.

They thought I had
hidden the money,

and they figured, since I
had paid my debt to society,

they had nothing to lose.

Carol, you're a genius.

How much did the
interest come to?

Sixty thousand dollars.

[LAMONT WHISTLES]

Then my share comes to...

Thirty thousand dollars!

It would have, but when
I got out of jail in '56,

I tried to find you,
but you had moved.

Yeah, I was already
in L.A. by that time.

So how much have I got coming?

Fifty-two dollars and 17 cents.

Fifty-two dollars and
17 cents out of $30,000?

You came all the way from
Buffalo to give me $52.17?

And to ask you for a job

because I'm almost out of money.

Carol, I... I got
to hand it to you.

You got a lot of guts.

I mean, I don't
have a job for you,

but you can stay over
at Sanford Arms rent-free

until you can find a job.

And if you need any
money, here, you can sell this.

Thank you, Freddy.
You one classy guy.

You know, Pop, I
owe you an apology.

Well, pay up.

Well, I mean, for
me to even think

that you would be involved
with a bank robbery is...

I'm sorry I thought that, Pop.

Oh, you're forgiven, son.

Anything was possible then,
because times were tough.

Yeah, especially for Carol.

And some 40 years later,
when he really needs help,

you're helping him.

Well... Well, nothing, Pop.

I'm proud of you, man.

And like he said,
you're one classy guy.

Hey, Pop, you
know, I think it's great

the way you're
helping out Carol.

Thanks, son.

But it's been weeks now,

and he's still living
here rent-free.

Well, he said he'd pay me back.

He also said that he was
going to give you $75,000, Pop.

I don't think we should
believe anything he says.

I mean, after all, he
did rob a bank once.

I know. I was part of the g*ng.

Well, do you think he'll
ever give us our money?

Sure.

He's already found himself
a job, and he loves it.

Pop, what kind of a job
could a guy like Carol get?

He's a bank guard.

[♪♪♪]