03x02 - Gilligan vs. Gilligan

[bunniefuu]

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship's aground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪


Oh, hi, skipper.

Hello, professor.

Isn't it a little early

To be waiting for lunch?

Well, I'm not waiting for lunch.

Mary ann just baked a coconut pineapple pie

And I wanted to get the first piece

Before gilligan finds out.

Coconut pineapple pie. You mind if I join you?

I've been smelling it all morning.

Just delicious and creamy and crunchy...

And missing.

Missing?

Oh, I put it out on the rock

In the clearing to cool, and it's gone.

But what could have happened?

I mean, who could have taken it?

Hi, everybody.

All: gilligan!

What did I do? What did I do?

Oh, gilligan, what have you got in your hand?

An empty pie plate.

There was some stuff on the bottom,

But I licked it all up. Mmm.

Oh, gilligan, how could you?

It was easy.

I just used my tongue and licked it clean.

Gilligan, that pie was for all of us.

What pie?

Don't you "what pie" me, former buddy.

Former buddy?

Well, the least you could have done was ask first.

I didn't eat the pie.

There wasn't any pie. It was empty.

On the basis of circumstantial evidence,

I'm afraid you're a prevaricator.

Well, that's better than calling me a liar.

Gilligan, that's what prevaricator means.

All right, I'll prove it to you.

I'll find out where that pie that wasn't there went.

Oh, there's some pie crust.

Oh, and there's some more.

Huh, I bet some monkey's trying to make a monkey out of me.

[Bushes crackle]

Now we'll see who the monkey is.

Aha!

We should have made gilligan

Cut the coconut for another pie.

Yes, and slice the pineapple.

Yes, and make him sit there and watch us eat it.

I saw him. I saw him.

I chased him, but I lost him.

But I know he took the pie

Because I caught him eating it.

Caught who, gilligan?

The guy who took the pie.

And you want to know something funny?

He looks exactly like me.

You couldn't tell us apart.

Gilligan, that's the silliest story you ever made up.

You didn't eat the pie.

A guy who looks just like you ate the pie.

He did. I saw him right across the stream.

There he was--me.

Gilligan, did you say you looked across the stream?

Yeah, on the other side.

May I suggest, gilligan,

That your conscience became temporarily unable

To handle the guilt of your misdemeanor,

So you fantasized an ego image displacement

Out of your own reflection. May I suggest that?

You may suggest that.

But I won't understand it.

What you saw was your own reflection in the water.

He wasn't in the water.

He was on the other side.

Oh, gilligan, why don't you just admit it,

And we'll forget the whole thing.

No.

Gilligan, repeat after me:

"You did not see your double."

You did not see your double.

But I sure did see mine.

[Speaking russian]

Radio: [speaking russian]

[Russian accent] I've been seen unfortunately

By one of them.

Radio: that could be most unfortunate.

For you!

Don't worry, commandant.

His comrades do not believe him.

Be careful.

We have spared no expense in preparing you for this mission.

We have started movie film of this gilligan.

We will make you look exactly like him with plastic surgery.

But remember, after this mission

I get my old face back, da?

Da, but you remember,

You only have small amount of time for mission.

In hours, commandant, I shall find out who they are,

And what experiment they are doing on this forsaken island.

Only hours.

You have nothing to worry about.

That's true, but you do.

Signing off.

You there?

[Russian accent] that commandant.

Some day I take the laser beam and...

[Bang]

Uh-oh.

All the laundry fell on the ground.

Oh--oh, gilligan.

See what happened, ginger?

Do you know I spent all morning doing that wash?

Look what you've done.

I didn't do anything.

I was just walking along, minding my own--

Oh, don't give me any excuses.

Just drop the whole thing.

Not the line!

Well, make up your mind.

You know, that wasn't very funny.

I wasn't trying to be funny.

I was just walking along, minding my own business

And there was the laundry on the ground.

Just like you found the missing pie pan, I suppose.

Yeah, just like that.

And look. You see this line's been cut by a Kn*fe or something.

Oh, well, there's only one bright spot.

What's that?

You're not twins.

But, ginger, I didn't--

Hey, ginger, wait.

[Radio squeals]

You there?

Radio: I am here.

Have been observing what I am to imitate.

So, imitate!

Da, commandant.

Someone is coming.

I will try imitation to see if work.

Boo!

Boo who, gilligan?

Boo who?

Well, the proper greeting is,

"Boo, mrs. Howell" or "boo, madam".

Depending on how formal the occasion.

[No accent] how do I sound, mrs. Howell?

The way you always do-- a bit nasal.

Do I look any different?

Hmm, no.

But if you're contemplating a change, I heartily approve.

Thank you, mrs. Howell.

Thank you for what?

For telling me I look like gilligan,

And I sound like gilligan.

People say thanks for the strangest things.

Gilligan, mr. Howell's clothes and my clothes.

I'm sorry, mrs. Howell. They just fell on the ground.

Oh, they're not only touching the ground,

They're touching other people's clothes.

Go on, pick them up right away.

Come along. Pick them up. Pick them up.

[Radio squeals]

[Russian accent] you heard?

I heard.

He's very easy to imitate, this gilligan, no?

He's very easy to imitate, yes.

Say first dumb thing that comes to my head-- I am gilligan.

Good.

Now you must remove the real gilligan

And take his place.

At once, commandant.

You think I care they went fishing without me?

I don't care about fishing one little bit.

I don't even like fishing.

In fact, I hate fishing!

Hi, guys. How was the fishing?

Disappointing to say the least.

Turtle eggs are hardly nourishing enough

For people.

Well, at least we've got some pie for dessert.

That is, unless you've already eaten the pie

That mary ann just baked.

I didn't eat the pie mary ann just baked,

And I didn't eat the pie she baked this morning, either.

Gilligan, we've already established the fact

That you did eat it.

Right.

Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting.

I looked across the stream,

And there I was eating the pie.

Heavens to freud! This boy needs the couch!

Mr. Howell, gilligan thought

He saw someone who looked just like him.

Same old clothes, same old hat,

Same old shiny gold pocket Kn*fe.

What same old, shiny gold pocket Kn*fe?

Like this...

I don't have one.

Oh, make that couches.

That boy really needs help.

Did you say this fellow who looked like you

Had a shiny gold pocket Kn*fe?

Uh-huh. A real big one

With all sorts of blades.

My grandfather had one like that.

It has all kinds of attachments.

A screwdriver, and a can opener--

Never mind, gilligan!

Perhaps we should investigate this.

Before lunch?

Not even perry mason investigates on an empty stomach.

Come on, now, professor,

Do you really think someone else is on this island?

Shiny gold pocket Kn*fe.

Even gilligan wouldn't invent a curious detail like that.

Come on, let's go.

All right, let's go.

Mr. Howell, aren't you coming?

No, gilligan, there are things I detest.

One is investigating a mystery before lunch.

And the other?

Any sort of danger. [Chuckles]

See you later, dear boy.

Well?

I went that way.

No, I just remembered--

I just remembered I went that way.

I think.

Well, why don't we separate

And each take a different direction?

Good idea, professor.

Now if anybody sees anything

Or finds anything, just yell.

Especially somebody that looks like me

Holding a shiny gold pocket Kn*fe.

Especially that.

Hey, somebody, I found a knapsack.

I wonder if it's mine.

I mean I wonder if it's the other me's mine.

Skipper! Professor!

I wonder who he is and where he went.

Skipper! Professor!

Skipper: gilligan!

Over here!

Oh, wait 'till they see this knapsack.

Ooh, it'll really knock 'em out.

Gilligan's up ahead there somewhere.

I just heard him call.

Well, perhaps he's made contact with that other gilligan.

Other gilligan?

Oh, boy, that's all we need on this island is another gilligan.

Come on, professor.

[Russian accent] in my country

You couldn't even be spy third class.

You know, skipper, I think I may have an answer

To the mystery of the other gilligan

And the shiny gold pocket Kn*fe.

Where is gilligan?

Oh, here I am.

It's about time.

Yeah, you probably won't believe this,

But I was walking along and I tripped over a palm throng

And fell into a pineapple patch.

I believe it. I believe it!

You do? Uh, yeah, that's what happened.

You know, gilligan,

I don't like to make you feel foolish,

But you didn't see a shiny gold pocket Kn*fe

Or a stranger who looked just like you.

I didn't?

No, what you saw was your reflection in the water

And the shiny gold Kn*fe was the shadow of a leaf

Lit by the sun. You see?

Oh, I sure feel silly.

You know, I guess the next time I tell you

About a guy that looks like me

With a shiny gold pocket Kn*fe and a funny knapsack,

You won't even listen.

You bet we won't.

Come on, professor.

Wait--wait a minute.

What funny knapsack?

Oh, I didn't tell you about the funny knapsack?

No, you didn't.

Oh, well, it was purple and it had pink stripes

And it played the star spangled banner when you waved it

And I didn't tell you about it because

I didn't think you'd believe me.

You're right. We wouldn't.

That's why I didn't tell you, comman--i mean, skipper.

Let's go, skipper.

You know, gilligan,

When they were passing out the brains,

You weren't at the end of the line.

You were on vacation!

[Russian accent] that's what you think, fatso.

[Radio squeals]

Agent reporting.

Phase one completed.

Operation - - - --

Enough, already!

Check out your laser beam transmitter tape recorder.

Da, commandant.

It is in perfect order, as usual.

Good. Now question them.

We will monitor all conversations.

I am proceeding according to plan.

I repeat: my superiors are growing impatient.

I have already gained their confidence.

I will find out what they know

As soon as you hang up.

When you have gotten the information,

Accomplish phase .

I do not think phase will be necessary.

You will do as you are told!

I will do the thinking!

Da, commandant. Phase .

Skipper: hurry up, gilligan!

It's time for lunch.

[No accent] coming, skipper.

I don't eat soon, I'll die!

[Russian accent] so, what?

What is one day more or less?

[Groaning]

[Muffled shouting]

Hey, skipper? Hmm?

I've been thinking... About life.

You never know what to expect.

You can say that again.

Like, years ago, who would've figured

We'd be here on this island,

Sharing our load and pulling for the common cause?

What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?

You're whittling in my water.

Oh. Sorry.

Like I was saying,

Sharing our load and pulling for the common cause.

Gilligan, would you mind pulling away further?

We keep locking oars.

I'm sorry.

What's the matter with you tonight anyway?

Nothing. I was just thinking about life

And why we're here.

Well, you know as well as I do why we're here.

Sure, but I was just thinking about it.

Don't you want to talk about it?

I mean, maybe you'll feel better if you talk about it.

What, are you trying to make me sore or something?

No.

Well, that's funny.

I thought maybe congratulations were in order,

You're doing such a good job!

Now, go to bed, will you, gilligan?

I'm sorry, skipper.

I didn't mean to make you sore.

You didn't! You didn't!

Good night!

Good night.

[Grumbling]

But if you did want to talk about it,

It'd be between just you and me,

And you wouldn't have to feel guilty about it or anything.

Guilty?

About why we're here?

All this time you've been thinking about it.

Now you're finally saying it.

Saying what?

Go ahead, say it--

I'm a rotten sailor and we're shipwrecked because of me!

Yes, sir. You're a rotten sailor--

No, I don't mean that. You're not sore, are you, skipper?

Sore?

[Radio squeals]

You heard?

I heard.

I no do so good, huh?

You do terrible.

Tomorrow I do better.

You better do better.

Ah, I have other idea.

Tomorrow I work in other area...

Where I'm expert.

If you do not do better...

You are still there?

Phooey on you!

Aha! I am still here!

Correction. Phooey on me.

Ginger?

Hmm?

Gilligan's been acting strangely tonight.

Oh, well, it's normal for gilligan to act strange.

He's acting strange in a very strange way.

Maybe he's having growing pains.

That's true.

None of us on the island are growing any younger.

Speak for yourself.

But I'm worried about him, ginger.

Are you sure it's just growing pains?

Sure. It's just normal, healthy growing pains.

Alone at last!

Aah!

[Kissing noises] gilligan!

Oh, I know you love me

Almost as much as I have loved you.

You've gone stark raving mad!

I've been mad, mad, mad for you!

Like you for me.

Gilligan, try to catch hold of yourself.

Oh, I've adored you ever since the first day I came on this assignment.

Now, listen, sweetie, listen, sweetie,

I don't want to hurt your feelings--

Assignment? What assignment?

Oh, you tell me, passion flower.

I've heard of growing pains,

But this is ridiculous!

Don't be frightened, my beauty.

I'll kiss all your fears away.

And then we'll talk or we can talk first and them--mmm-wah!

Gilligan! I just remembered something.

I left some water boiling. I've got to go.

No, don't go. Don't go.

Help, professor!

[Radio squeals]

[Groans]

[Squealing]

I heard that.

I don't understand.

Last time I used romance, it worked good.

That was in france.

These are americans!

You are right, commandant.

I am always right.

Now, americans think of money.

Da, but--

So talk to wealthy capitalists.

Get information from the howells.

Signing off now.

Should've listened to my mother.

I'd be a doctor now.

And that, my dear, is checkmate!

Ha ha ha!

Thurston, you've done it again.

Hi, mr. And mrs. Howell.

Oh, good, gilligan.

You're just on time to take my place.

Thurston won again. He always wins.

You know, sometimes I think people let me win

Because I'm rich.

And you want to know something?

That's exactly the way it should be.

I'm not very good at this, mr. Howell.

Yes, well, that's all right.

You just lost your pawn.

That's the way it goes in life.

Some of us are like pawns.

Aw, gilligan, you're a philosopher.

I've been thinking about us here on the island,

The way we're manipulated, told what to do.

Oh, you mean, the way the captain orders us around.

No, I wasn't thinking of him.

I was thinking of someone higher up.

Higher up?

Who can be higher up than the captain?

Oh, yes, of course. The howells.

Your queen is vulnerable. Go ahead, my boy.

We're all vulnerable, mr. Howell.

Especially when we're doing what we're doing here?

What are we doing here?

We're wasting time, that's what we're doing.

Now, let's get on with the game.

Mr. Howell, you just moved your king to a new place.

Wait a minute!

Young man, are you accusing a howell of cheating?

I'll have you know I'm far too wealthy.

To cheat? No, to be accused.

Yii!

Oh, you hurt his feelings.

Mrs. Howell, can you and I have a talk?

Whatever about?

About the project and the part you play.

Oh, I always play lady macbeth.

I love the part where she washes her hands.

Of course, I only act for charities, you know,

Never professionally.

Mrs. Howell, we must have a long talk.

Oh, yes, dear. You just call me anytime.

Now, you run along.

This promises to be a very slow social season.

[Radio squeals]

I know. I know.

[All shouting]

Please, please, please, one at a time.

Well, he thinks that I wrecked the minnow.

He thinks that I'm madly in love with him.

He accused thurston of cheating.

Oh, dear! I was afraid of that.

According to the symptoms,

Gilligan is having all kinds of delusions.

He may be heading for real psychological problems.

Oh, dear. Maybe we should do something to help the poor boy.

What can we do, professor?

Well, first of all, we must be patient.

There's a possibility that gilligan may free himself

Of whatever has gripped him.

I got to get back to camp and warn the others.

Now, the best way to be of help

In situations involving a psychological crisis

Is to deal with the ego identity

Without destroying the existing fixations

And causing traumatic disorientation.

Please, professor, in english.

Well, accept him. Humor him.

Go along with whatever he says or does.

Hey, ginger! Ginger, ginger, ginger,

Guess what happened!

What? What?

I was hit in the head and kidnapped.

Oh, that's very nice, gilligan.

"That's very nice, gilligan"?

Hey, but you don't see--

Oh!

Sorry, mary ann. I didn't mean to bump into you.

That's quite all right, gilligan.

You can bump into me anytime you like.

Why would I want to bump into you?

Well, I don't know. If it makes you happy, bump.

Hello, gilligan.

Mrs. Howell, I was hit in the head and kidnapped.

Oh, you poor boy.

But I'm ok now.

Yes, that's what you think.

What's going on?

Has everybody flipped here on the island?

How about going fishing?

Oh, skipper, am I glad to see you.

Well, and I'm glad to see you.

I was hit in the head and kidnapped.

Well, isn't that something?

You know by who?

Captain hook?

No. The guy that looks like me.

Well, now that that's all over, let's go fishing.

No. We have to organize a search party

And carry clubs, 'cause he's dangerous.

That's a good idea, gilligan.

We'll do it right after we're through fishing.

No, skipper, we have to-- but I was hit in the...

How come nobody cares what's going on here?

There he goes now.

[Footsteps]

All right. I know you're in here.

Ha!

Ah-choo!

[Radio squeals]

Commandant: your mission is over.

Return to the ship. We leave immediately!

Stop him! Stop him! Somebody, stop him!

Stop him! Stop him! Somebody stop him!

[Russian balalaika music plays]

Chorus: hey!

[Gilligan's island theme plays]

[Russian music plays]

[Gilligan's island plays]

[Russian music plays]

Chorus: hey!

[Gilligan's island plays]

[Russian music plays]

[Engine starts]

I almost forget to k*ll them.

[Russian music plays]

[Gilligan's island plays]

Aha! This simple-looking Kn*fe, my friend, is the end of you.

Look, just stay there.

I got to show the others that you and me and me and you look like us.

You don't understand.

This innocent-looking Kn*fe has over functions.

One is a death ray. A death ray?

Do you have anything to say before I k*ll you?

Yeah, your boat just sailed.

Wait for me!

I am on your side! Wait! Wait!

[Russian music plays]

Chorus: hey!

If they didn't believe me about the pie,

They'll never believe me about this.

I don't believe it myself.

You don't believe it, do you, gilligan?

Of course not.

See?

[Russian music plays]

Little buddy, you've got to trust me now,

Because, well, really, this is for your own good.

Ok, skipper.

All right, gilligan. Now, nobody had a Kn*fe

That could do things, did they?

No.

And nobody had a death ray.

No.

And who are you?

Gilligan.

And who am i?

The skipper.

Gilligan, I think you're finally cured.

Oh, thanks a lot, skipper.

Hi, skipper.

Oh, professor. Well, you're up kind of late, aren't you?

Well, I've been working on this.

Found it at the lagoon.

It's ruined now.

Well, it looks ok to me.

Well, to cut with maybe,

But, you know,

This Kn*fe could once do, perhaps, different things.

It could be a transmitter,

Tape recorder, laser beam...

Maybe even a death ray.

Well, good night.

Ha ha. Good night, professor.

Little buddy?

Speak to me.

Good night, skipper.

♪ Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In their tropic island nest ♪

♪ No phone, no light ♪

♪ No motorcars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪