03x08 - Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

[bunniefuu]

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship's aground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Gilligan!

Where in the world--

Gilligan, where are you?

Why didn't you answer me when I called?

Too tired.

Gilligan, you've gotta cut out this laundry.

Doing everybody's laundry is just too much work.

But I promised them.

But you're overdoing it.

Gilligan, you do a lot of other things

Around here, too, you know.

I mean, you've gotta learn how to pace yourself.

You're gonna get old before your time.

Now, gilligan, sleep is very important.

You've gotta get some sleep.

[Snores]

But not when I'm talking.

Sorry, skipper. I'm just b*at.

Oh, all right, hit the sack,

And we'll talk about it tomorrow.

Gotta remember now, let's see.

No bleach for the professor's pillow,

And there's no bluing

For mr. Howell's dinner jacket,

And wash mary ann, starch ginger...

Starch ginger?

[Sighs]

Oh, it's : .

I gotta quit sleeping so late.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

I didn't mean to wash your face.

That's my face.

Skipper?

Skipper, my hair, it's turned white, it's turned white!

It's all white.

White hair?

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it.

I believe it, it's me.

Well, of course it's you.

Who were you expecting, snow white?

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

Oh, gilligan, maybe it's just a temporary thing.

Yeah, if I k*ll myself right now.

You really let a little white hair

Upset you, don't you?

No, a little white hair doesn't upset me,

But a lot of white hair?

It upsets me! It upsets me!

Calm down, now.

We'll go see the professor.

That's a good idea.

Yeah, certainly, he'll tell us

Exactly what happened.

I haven't the slightest idea what happened.

See, the professor doesn't even know what happened.

But, professor, don't you have any idea?

Well, a man's hair turning white could be caused by lots of things.

Name one.

Well, for instance, uh,

Have you had a bad fright recently?

Yeah, when I got up this morning,

I saw my hair had turned white.

Gilligan, he means before your hair turned white.

Gilligan, would you like a little sage advice?

I don't need any sage advice.

What I need is some sage help.

Sage help! Sage help!

Cut it out.

Gilligan, why don't you just go on about your business

As though nothing had happened.

You mean, go down to the lagoon and do the laundry?

Why certainly, why not?

Well, what are the girls gonna say when they see my hair turned white?

Gilligan, white hair is simply hair of another color.

Well, I like brown better.

Well, you'll get used to the white soon enough,

And I'm sure the girls will hardly notice the change.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure.

There is nothing shocking about white hair.

White hair?!

Aaah!

Ginger: gilligan?

Mary ann...

Oh, ohh!

Professor!

Oh...

Tell me the truth, professor.

I can take it now.

What's wrong with my little buddy?

Well, I was telling you the truth before. Now--

But the truth, the real truth.

But I've told you the real truth.

No holds barred, the truth, the whole truth,

And nothing but the truth.

Now blurt it out.

He's suffering from follicular albinism.

Oh, I knew it.

I knew it.

What does that mean?

It means he has white hair.

You mean it?

Then there's nothing wrong?

Well, I'm virtually certain.

Of course, there's always one chance in million

That gilligan has contracted some rare tropical disease

Which is causing the deterioration of his entire system.

Yes, w-w-would you mind telling me that in english?

Well, most people age normally.

You know, minute by minute,

But there is a disease

Which causes some people to age overnight.

You mean, he could be an old man of ?

Well, not an old man of .

More likely, a very old man of .

Believe me, you overheard the wrong thing.

That disease is one chance in million times.

You've got a little white hair, and that--

Will you stop that?

It's the only pleasure left an old man.

And stop referring to yourself as an old man.

Ain't what you call a spring chicken.

[Laughs]

For the last time, gilligan,

You don't have the disease,

And you're not an old man.

Heh?

I said you're not an old man.

Speak up, sonny.

Anything else?

Yeah. When I wake up,

I'd like to have all my friends around me, sonny.

Will you stop calling me sonny?

Run along, young man.

All this gabbing wears a body out.

Oh, I give up.

Don't know what the world's coming to.

Young 'uns got no respect for the old folks.

I'm sorry I was so late,

But I had to try and find the professor.

What is this all about?

Well, I don't know, mr. Howell,

But gilligan asked me to gather you all together.

Well, does he still think

He turned old overnight?

Yes, he does.

Maybe he wants to have a party

For all those birthdays he missed.

Whatever it is, mrs. Howell,

We've got to humor him.

Right, I know I wouldn't be very happy

If I woke up one morning

And found I was eligible for medicare.

There's no doubt about it.

Gilligan's had a bad time,

And we must humor him.

That's right. Now, follow me now.

[Clears throat]

Oh, I'm sorry, my children,

But my mind wanders now and then.

I gathered everybody together, pop--

That is, gilligan.

Well, I won't bore you with an old man's company.

I'll get right to the point.

I've gathered you all to have you hear my will.

Your will?

Don't be ridiculous.

You're not even dead yet.

Shh, we must humor him.

To ginger and mary ann,

I leave all my jewelry.

Here, grab it. It's heavy.

Oh, your manny moose watch.

His antlers tell the time.

His high school graduation ring...

From girls' high?

Well, some mothers keep their boys in curls too long.

I'll treasure it always.

To mr. And mrs. Howell, who have everything,

I leave them something of great sentimental value.

Your money?

No, no. My comic books.

Oh. We'll have them leather bound.

To the skipper,

I leave my laundry business,

The bleach, and one unclaimed sock.

Thanks, gilligan.

It will always remind me of you.

Gee, it's starched!

And to the professor,

I leave him my last possession,

My body.

What?

Skipper: I mean, this is ridiculous, gilligan.

You've gone too far.

Please, please, my will is final.

Don't break an old man's heart

By fighting over his legacy.

Oh!

You all can go,

But don't forget to write.

I'll be right here

At the senior citizens' home.

Mary ann, we've got to do something

To snap gilligan out of it.

I wonder if the professor

Could give him a transfusion.

A transfusion?

Maybe he has tired blood.

Well, we've got to convince him

That he's still in the springtime of his life.

Ginger, that's it.

Springtime. Spring.

When a young man's fancy--

What are you talking about?

A cure for gilligan's old age complex.

What is it that makes a man feel young?

It's love.

I've known it from the first.

Every time I look at you,

My heart goes pitter-patter.

No, that's the manny moose wristwatch

I gave you, ticking.

It's you.

Oh, you make me feel young and alive.

You know why?

Because I remind you of your father?

No, silly.

It's because you're young and alive like me.

Don't you feel anything surging in your blood?

Oh, I do, I do!

I think my arteries are hardening.

The gabor sisters struck out.

What a shame.

Gilligan is just too young to be old.

Can't you think of anything, professor?

I'm sorry, skipper, i...

I've thought of something.

Oh, of all people.

Well, what is it, mrs. Howell?

Well, some women,

When their hair turns gray,

Dye it another color.

I think-- I think you've got something there.

Uh, naturally, I never have to dye my hair.

But, uh, the women who do feel much younger.

It might work. That is, if he doesn't know about it.

I can get the ingredients from vegetable coloring

For a good brown hair dye.

Great. Now, we'll wait until later tonight,

When gilligan's asleep.

Then mrs. Howell can apply it to his hair.

When he wakes up in the morning with brown hair,

He'll feel like a new man.

A new young man.

Oh, I sure hope so,

'Cause if he says to me once more,

"Look both ways before you cross the street, sonny," I'll...

Pardon me, professor,

But it does kind of get me right there.

[Snoring]

Gilligan?

Little buddy?

Are you awake?

[Whispering] come on in.

He's fast asleep.

Are you sure he won't wake up?

He's exhausted.

Please, let's get on with it.

Hat off.

Brown dye.

Brush.

Curlers ready?

Curlers? That won't be necessary.

[Gilligan snoring]

Gilligan?

Gilligan, little buddy, wake up!

It's a mite early, isn't it?

So what?

I have a hunch it's going to be a beautiful day.

Well, might as well take advantage

Of the few days I got left.

That's right. You go over and take a look in that mirror,

And I think you'll see a new man standing there.

You know, there may have been some changes during the night.

Excuse me, sonny. I didn't--

Skipper...

I'm bald.

[Whimpers]

You're acting very childish.

Now, why are you hiding under that blanket?

There's nothing to be ashamed of because you're bald.

[Grunts] what?

Well, you might at least take the blanket away from your face

So I can hear what you're saying.

I said, "yes, there is."

What there is?

I'm ashamed of myself. I feel naked.

Will you take that blanket off your head?

Skipper, does it hurt much to k*ll yourself?

Gilligan, I don't ever want to hear those words

Come out of your mouth again.

Do you understand that? That's an order.

Yes, sir.

Now, really, gilligan.

There's a lot of nice-looking fellas in the world that are bald.

Name one.

Well, there's yul brynner.

Name another.

It--well...

There's just a lot of fellas.

I just look funny, skipper.

I sure do look funny.

Gilligan, I've got an idea.

Just stay right there.

Now, what do you see in the mirror?

A blanket.

Take the blanket off.

And what do you see in there?

Blue-eyed billiard ball.

Well, the rest of us see something else.

We see a very pleasant smile,

A nice personality,

And lots of boyish charm.

Yeah. I guess maybe I do have some boyish charm.

Well, you're loaded with it.

Yeah. Hair is only skin deep.

That's right, gilligan.

Now, look.

You wear your hat the way you always do,

And nobody will even notice.

Yeah.

Look good, huh?

Yes.

Mary ann: gilligan!

Would you mind--

Aah! You're bald!

Oh!

Skipper!

They noticed! They noticed!

Give it one more try, huh?

No. Forget it.

Oh, come on, gilligan.

It's just mrs. Howell and the professor out there.

If they faint, I'll be too tired to catch them.

They won't even notice.

Oh, they won't even notice, huh?

I'm positive.

Now, remember, mrs. Howell:

No fainting,

No funny looks, no remarks.

If you can't trust yourself,

Why, just turn away.

Ok.

Hi, mrs. Howell. Hi, professor.

Hello, gilligan.

Gilligan.

Nice day, isn't it?

Beautiful.

Oh, lovely, yes, lovely day.

You look very pretty, mrs. Howell.

Oh, thank you, gilligan.

How very nice of you to notice.

How do you think I look?

Oh, dashing, dear, absolutely dashing.

Ok, professor, uh, you notice anything different about me?

Hmm, nothing special, gilligan.

I'm bald!

Oh, really? I never noticed.

How come?

It's not every day you see a bald gilligan.

Oh, the sun must've been in my eyes.

Yeah. It bounced off my head and blinded you.

Now, gilligan, don't get excited.

What do you say we all go and have some breakfast?

Oh, that's a lovely idea.

I'll have a hard-bald egg.

Ooh, I mean boiled egg.

That does it. That does it.

They wouldn't even notice, huh?

Hmm.

It's from him, all right.

What does he say?

"Dear skipper,

"I am going away so nobody has to look at me.

"I am funny-looking even to me.

Only I don't laugh because to me it's not funny."

Aw, the poor fellow.

Wait a minute, professor. There's more.

"Don't bother looking for me

"Because I'm hiding in the place you'd never think of looking:

"In the secret cave

Near the palm trees and the pimiento bush."

Pimiento bush?

I think he means palmetto.

I don't care what he means.

We got to get him out of that cave.

Skipper, this is all my fault.

That brown dye I made

Must've caused his hair to fall out.

Come on, professor.

You can't take all the blame.

I mean, we all agreed it was the thing to do.

Well, to get him out of that cave,

There must be a reasonable,

Logical, sensible approach we can use.

Well, if there is, it won't work on gilligan.

Well, if you won't come out,

Can I come in?

Oh, all right.

Well, what do you want, ginger?

Well, gilligan...

I, uh, I cut off some of my own hair

To make this for you. It's a wig.

Ginger, you shouldn't have done that.

Oh, well. I thought that if it looked good,

Then you wouldn't have to wear your hat all the time.

Try it on.

Ok, but you got to shut your eyes first.

Oh. Ok.

How does it look?

Ugh.

What's wrong?

I look like your sister.

My sister happens to be a very beautiful girl.

Yeah, but I'm a boy!

I already tried a wig, mary ann. It's no use.

This is different.

It's kind of a hat with hair on it.

It is? Yes.

And the least you could do is look at it.

Ok. Let me see. Hey, that's pretty neat.

You might be the first guy ever to wear coconut hair.

Here, try it on.

Ok. Close your eyes.

Oh. They're closed.

Yeah.

You'll probably be

The most popular man on the island.

I think I already am.

[Knock knock knock]

What's that?

A woodpecker?

Maybe it's a coconut-pecker.

Face it, I can't sleep!

My poor little buddy out in that damp cave

All alone....

[Sighs]

Bald...

Oh, boy, it must be terrible to be bald.

That's what I'll do.

I'll go out and talk some sense

Into that bald head of his.

Bald!

I'm completely bald!

Oh, skipper, you shouldn't have done that for me.

I didn't do it for you, you dumbbell! My hair fell out!

Well, don't worry, it's not so bad being bald.

Not if you're an eagle.

A man can be nice-looking without hair.

Look at yul brynner.

Yeah, well, look at us.

We look like / of a pawn shop sign.

But you said people wouldn't notice baldness.

You said it wouldn't be so bad.

Well, it wasn't so bad before, but now it's much worse.

Why?

Because it happened to me!

Professor, what are you doing here?

Well, I've come to bring both of you back.

Oh, no. Gilligan and I are staying right here.

Just the of us, unless everybody's going bald.

That's right. We don't want anybody feeling sorry for us.

Aha. This has nothing to do with pity.

We need you.

Why, do you realize that between the two of you,

You do most of the work on this island?

Lighting signal fires, keeping watch,

Gathering food...

Why, without you two,

The rest of us are terribly handicapped.

I never thought of that.

But look at us. Our heads look like a couple of cantaloupes.

Well, what I have in these boxes will take care of that.

Oh, if you've got my hairs, forget it.

I never want to see them again. They're deserters.

Wigs!

Oh, no. I already tried wigs.

I'd rather be bald.

But these are special wigs.

They belong to the howells.

They're custom-made.

They wore them to a masquerade party

When they came as martha and george washington.

Oh, great. And you want us to wear them.

Here I am hiding because I am bald,

And you want me to look like martha washington!

George looked like martha, and it didn't bother him.

Oh, come on, skipper.

What do you say?

Well, all right, professor, we'll give it a try.

Me, too.

Wonderful! We'll expect you back

In time for dinner.

Uh, wait a minute, gilligan!

Give me that.

But, skipper--

I'll be george. You be martha washington.

You're right. George was taller.

Now, remember,

Don't make a fuss about the wigs.

We've got to make them feel at ease

If we want them to stay.

Here they come!

Hello.

Nice to see you again, martha.

Very funny, mr. Howell.

I'm george, and she's martha.

That is... He's marth--

Oh, I'm the skipper, and that's gilligan!

Well, gentlemen, it's nice to have you back.

As a matter of fact, it's nice to be back, professor.

Right, gilligan?

Yes, ma'am.

Gilligan!

Yes, sir.

Uh, would you mind passing the salt?

Right, mr. Howell.

Skipper, it's not polite to turn your back on people.

Face the table.

I am facing the table, gilligan.

It's just my hair that's turned around.

Oh, that reminds me of a funny story.

Oh, tell it, ginger. We could use a bit of humor.

Well, it happened in san francisco.

There was this convention of bald-headed men.

[Clunk]

Whoops.

Hadn't we better eat our soup before it gets cold?

You're so very right, mary ann.

I think enough humor's been interjected

Into this conversation.

Think that's funny, do you, gilligan?

Well, let me show you something funnier.

Uh-huh?

Ha! Ha!

Uh, thurston, my--my napkin.

Uh, oh, yes, yes.

Yes, of course, my dear.

Oh, thurston! Your trousers!

Gilligan, these are the trousers I gave you to wash.

I'm gonna sue him for indecent exposure!

Mr. Howell, I think you've solved the entire problem!

What, air conditioning?

No, no, no.

The skipper's hair and gilligan's hair.

What are you talking about, professor?

Well, mr. Howell's trousers were b*rned

By the same crude bleach that gilligan was using.

And you mean that same bleach

Is what made gilligan's hair fall out!

Exactly! And when you took over the laundry, your hair fell out.

Then you mean we're not gonna be bald forever?

Believe me, skipper, nature will soon return

What gilligan's laundry business took away.

Uh-oh.

I never saw such behavior!

And he didn't even ask to be excused.

Oh, really!

Oh, gilligan,

It's much too hot for a blanket.

It won't be in a few minutes.

I used an awful lot of bleach on your dress.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Oh, my!

And I've been telling you both for weeks and weeks now

That the sodium hypochlorite content of the bleach

Was of such vast proportions

That the mere vapor in the laundry area

Saturated the scalp follicles.

Would you mind explaining that again, professor?

Never mind, gilligan.

He's been repeating it long enough.

♪ Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In their tropic island nest ♪

No phone... No lights...

♪ No motorcars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪