03x15 - Gilligan Goes Gung-Ho

[bunniefuu]

♪ Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship set ground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Professor: now look, I told you once and I'll tell you again,

It's all over between us.

Ginger: no, no, no, you're lying!

You still love me. I know you do.

Please, please, don't do this to me.

Mary ann: you heard what the man said, sweetie. Get lost.

So that's the way it is.

I see it all now.

It was never really me, me, me.

All the time it was her, her, her.

All right. It's her, her, her.

That's right. It was me, me, me.

If I can't have you, nobody will!

Watch out! She's got a g*n!

Good heavens.

She sh*t me dead.

Dead, dead.

m*rder.

Help, police.

Help, police! m*rder, m*rder!

Help! Help, police! Help! Police! Help!

m*rder, m*rder.

m*rder, m*rder!

Help, police.

Why on earth would gilligan want a policeman?

Maybe he saw someone speeding.

Here, on this island?

Jaywalking?

Skipper! Hey, skipper!

Over here, gilligan.

Hey, skipper! Hey, skipper!

Over here!

Skipper. Oh, skipper. Skipper--

Boy, have I got something to tell you.

Oh, it's not half as much as--

You know what this is?

Yes, a rock. Now can I tell you?

Yes, but it's a special kind of rock.

It's phosphorescent.

I don't care if it can glow in the dark.

Skipper, I got a real important--

Gilligan, that's what phosphorescent means.

Glow in the dark. Why, with enough of these,

We can lay out an s.o.s. So good

It can be seen from a plane at night for miles.

Now can I talk?

Ok, gilligan, get it off your chest.

sh**t. Let me have it.

Well, you're getting close, skipper.

Only I didn't sh**t him, ginger did.

And she let the professor have it, not you.

And he can't get it off his chest 'cause he's laying on it.

What?! The professor.

Ginger sh*t him dead, dead, dead.

Did you actually see it?

I saw it with my very own eye, eye, eyes.

Oh, come on, gilligan. Let's go see.

Never mind that--ooh!

Ooh, ooh, gi--let's go!

Are you all right, professor?

I'm afraid I didn't help you rehearse very well, ginger.

Lie still, professor.

Nosebleeds could be dangerous.

I didn't see the table when I fell.

I guess I'm just a clumsy actor.

Don't be silly, professor.

You were marvelous. Oh.

Come on, lie back. You'll feel better.

Just to be sure, huh?

Here, in the meantime I'll take

This handkerchief and wash it.

You know, I just thought of something.

With some actors, they have acting in their blood.

With me, I've got blood in my acting.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

You go in, and I'll stay out here and be the lookout.

A lookout?

Yeah. In case ginger decides to sh**t you,

I can be out here and yell, "look out!"

Oh, gilligan!

[Muffled] gilligan!

What?

Don't yell.

Be quiet. Come on.

I give up, mary ann.

I can't seem to get the spots out of this.

Oh, here, ginger, let me try it.

Thanks.

Guess I better put this g*n away.

Gilligan, skipper.

Ginger, we were--

[Mumbling]

Gilligan, you can open your eyes now.

Professor, you shouldn't be walking around dead.

It could be fatal.

We were just practicing a scene

From a play I was once in.

What about the g*n, huh? What about the g*n?

This g*n? Blanks.

Oh, they were just blanks.

Ah, professor. You're just the man we were talking about.

Oh, well, what can I do for you?

Well, thurston and I just saw gilligan rushing by

On his way to the police.

Oh. Ho ho.

Yeah.

I fail to see the humor.

It's a long swim to the nearest gendarme.

Ginger and I were rehearsing a scene,

And gilligan thought she sh*t me.

Oh, thank heavens it was only play-acting.

So you see, we really have no need

For the long arm of the law.

Oh, well, I'm glad of that.

I'd hate to have to hide all my furs.

Yes, and think of all my money lying about.

Perhaps I better go bury it now.

Now, hold on, mr. Howell.

At this point, there's been no robbery,

No m*rder, no crime of any kind on the island.

Mmm, well, a stitch in time

Is better than having to buy a whole new dress.

Or is it a bird in the bush never gathers any moss?

Lovey, don't confuse the issue.

Now what if I were in dire need and I needed someone?

Excuse me, folks. You have given me food for thought.

What an odd time to get hungry.

So, gentlemen, you can see the necessity

For some form of legal authority here on the island.

Exactly. What we need is law and order.

Well, I'll make a check out

To the policeman's benevolent society.

I suggest we elect a sheriff, and the sooner the better.

What about you, professor?

No, I'm afraid I'm in the middle of an experiment

With those phosphorescent rocks.

I'm too busy trying to get us rescued.

I'm not too busy.

That's right. Your place is in the laboratory.

I'm not doing anything at all. I could be the sheriff.

Ridiculous. Preposterous.

How about a word from you, professor?

Idiotic. Sorry I asked.

No. In my opinion, the logical man

For the job of sheriff is the skipper.

Eh, one moment, please.

In my opinion, I'm perfectly capable

Of holding down the job as constable.

Preposterous.

Well, that's what he said about me.

I'll have you know that I'm a judo expert.

I hold a black belt in karate. Hah!

Karate? Where did you learn karate?

In japan. And you know, my instructor

Had legs like steel bands,

Arms like iron bars, and hands like claws.

With it all, a very charming young lady

With a fan and tea. Hee hee hee.

Well, I must say, mr. Howell, karate's beyond me.

I mean, if you're that strong, you should--

If I am that strong.

I'll have you know that I can flatten a man--yaah!

Twice your size with one--one karate chop.

Ooh!

Will this hurt?

Ooh, karate pinky.

Striking a defenseless man with your bare neck.

You! Ooh, ooh!

Boy, have we got a lot to learn.

Now, where he went...

Gilligan, gilligan!

Yeah.

Coming, sheriff.

What's wrong?

Well, if I'm gonna be a deputy,

I'm gonna have to learn to act like one.

Oh, cut that out. Now we've got a lot of work to do.

Yes, mr. Dillon.

Stop calling me mr. Dillon.

Now, we've got to learn this criminal code.

We've got to practically memorize it.

Yeah, learn all about criminals and their sneaky ways.

Eh, yes, but first you have to learn how to become an officer.

Oh. On my honor, I promise to do my--

That's a boy scout.

Now listen to this, and carefully.

"An officer in the enforcement of law

Must be courteous and cheerful, friendly and brave."

That's silly, skipper.

While I was being courteous and friendly and cheerful,

The criminal escaped before I got to be brave.

Gilligan, any information you need in this book is there,

So look it up.

You can count on me.

Yes. Eh--

You are perhaps the saddest-looking deputy I ever saw.

Now where's your whistle?

Oh, yeah, right, my whistle.

[Muttering]

Now remember, you're only to blow that--

[Tweet]

Gilligan, not now!

You're only to blow that in an emergency.

This is an emergency. You're standing on my foot.

[Tweet]

Mary ann: hi, deputy.

Oh, gilligan.

Oh, stop!

Hi, ladies.

Ladies.

Well, gilligan, I'm waiting.

Oh, sorry, sheriff.

How am I doing? Pretty good, huh?

Lucky thing I was here.

It would have been a big collision.

Just like a big fat truck

Running over little sports cars.

Thanks a lot.

Skipper... Yes, professor.

This rock sample does contain

The phosphorescent element shelite.

I suggest we collect some more.

Gilligan, I'll be with the professor.

Now, if anything comes up, just look it up in the book.

That the area we're supposed to search?

Yeah. Another one of those reports

Of people on a deserted island.

[Tweet]

[Tweet]

Gilligan, will you stop that blasted whistling?

I saw you, mr. Howell, stealing skipper's binoculars.

I did not steal the binoculars. I merely borrowed them.

Mrs. Howell and I are going bird watching.

Well, sorry, mr. Howell. According to the book,

Taking somebody else's property without their permission is stealing.

All right. Do not make such a fuss. We won't use them.

We'll just watch bigger birds, that's all.

You're under arrest. Article .

Look--look--look, gilligan,

Uh, this is my first offense.

I promise not to do such a dastardly deed again.

Ignorance of the law is no excuse.

Ooh! Look, gilligan,

This will cover it. I'll just buy some tickets to the policeman's ball, eh?

Trying to bribe an officer on duty, article .

Look, I am not without political influence.

I'll have you pounding a b*at

On the north end of this island.

Come on, let's go.

I won't move. I--

[Gagging]

We heard the whistle. What's going on?

Mr. Howell took your binoculars without your permission,

And that's stealing. And then when I caught him,

He offered me money to forget it, and that's bribery.

So I arrested him.

Well, deputy, you did right.

You should be ashamed of yourself, mr. Howell.

I am. I should have made it a bigger bribe.

Eee--paaah!

If you don't mind--

Uh, deputy, may I speak to him for a moment?

Just make sure he doesn't make a run for it.

I mean, the idea of being treated like a common criminal.

Now, mr. Howell, we all gave our word

That we'd obey the law.

Yeah, I know, but--

And we agreed to accept the skipper as the sheriff

And gilligan as his deputy.

Yeah, I know--

And we must agree to obey their authority,

And to accept the penalty if we break the law.

But the whole thing sounds so darn democratic.

I know that you understand

The principle involved.

After all, you're a man of ethics.

You sure know how to cut a man, don't you?

All right, i, uh, hereby officially

Place myself under hut arrest.

Oh, no, mr. Howell. You can't go back to your hut

When you're under arrest.

You have to go to the--to, to--

Where are we gonna put him?

I don't know. I--

We've never talked about that.

Well, there's only one thing we can do.

[Sobbing]

Thurston, you're a convict.

[Sobbing]

Lovey, I've been framed.

I'll appeal.

I'll take it to the supreme court.

I'll go even higher--

The rules committee at the newport country club.

Aah!

You've seen one ocean and you've seen 'em all.

What's our position?

We've covered, uh...

Mmm. A little over half the search area.

I don't even know if there's an island in that other half...

Charted or uncharted.

Well, you never know.

Collecting these phosphorescent rocks

Is harder work than I imagined.

Yeah, but one thing is sure making it a lot easier.

What's that?

The fact that gilligan isn't here to help us.

Well, it's gonna take quite a while

To collect enough to make a signal.

Yeah, maybe I better go back and tell the others

We're gonna be gone the rest of the day.

Oh, don't forget to remind gilligan to feed mr. Howell.

You know, I sure hope we did the right thing, professor.

I mean, putting mr. Howell in jail's kind of rough.

Well, either we stick by our agreement

And live under law and order--

Yeah, I know, but mr. Howell is different.

You know, those society fellows are-- they're kind of soft.

Well, don't underestimate mr. Howell.

He's tough. He can take anything.

Please, please help me!

I'm failing fast, gilligan.

I can't last, I can't last!

Sorry, mr. Howell.

How long have I been in here?

Minutes.

An eternity.

You know, it's just not right, mary ann.

Gilligan just went too far.

Well, after all, ginger, he is a deputy.

He's just doing his duty.

Hi, mary ann. Hi, skipper.

Ginger, don't set a place for me and the professor.

I'll take some of this stuff along.

Going to be out all day?

Most of it.

The professor and I have to collect

Those phosphorescent rocks.

Oh, uh, skipper, are you sure you have enough?

Oh, I think so.

Now I better get something for the professor.

Hi, skipper. Is mr. Howell's lunch ready?

Oh, it'll just take me a minute to warm up the soup.

How's he getting along?

Oh, the prisoner is resting as well as could be expected.

Gilligan, that's for hospitals, not for jails.

Shouldn't call mr. Howell a prisoner.

The jailbird's fine.

Now, look, gilligan, I'll be gone most of the day,

So I want you to keep an eye on things.

You mean I'm in charge?

I mean you are in complete charge.

See you later, girls.

Bye.

That's a pretty big responsibility, right, ginger?

Doubt if we're going to have a crime wave.

You never can tell, right?

Right. If I see any suspicious characters lurking around,

I'll be sure and call headquarters.

Well, that's the spirit.

Oh, by the way, girls,

That fire's too close to the hut.

It's where we always used to have it.

Well, ignorance of the law is no excuse.

I'll have to put it out.

Aah, ooh!

That's not funny, ginger.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

You're under arrest for violating

Subsection of the municipal code.

Oh, let me go!

As an officer of the law, I'm gonna tell--

Let her go!

I wouldn't do that if I were you, mary ann.

Oh, and what are you gonna do about it?

Let me out of here!

What are you in for, mary ann?

Oh, aiding and abetting

Someone who was resisting arrest

While violating ordinance in the municipal code.

Oh, that's a serious charge.

And you, ginger?

Oh, for being dumb enough to let him grab me.

Oh, mr. Howell, we've got to get out of here.

Yeah, just long enough for me to get my hands

On that pint-sized john wayne.

Don't worry, girls.

Uh, thurston howell iii has arranged everything.

Come here.

Are you sure?

Mrs. Howell is going to bake a cake.

Oh, mr. Howell, this is no time for a party.

It's a coming-out party, you might say.

Hi, mrs. Howell.

Oh, these are visiting hours,

Aren't they, gilligan? Yes, ma'am.

I wouldn't want to do anything against the law.

You do something against the law? Don't make me laugh.

Ah, sweet boy.

Mrs. Howell, that sure is a beautiful-looking cake.

You think I can have a piece of it?

Oh, I'm sorry, gilligan,

But I made this especially for my poor, poor husband.

It's just I'm a little bit hungry, mrs. Howell.

It's your own fault.

You shouldn't have arrested the girls before lunch.

But I was just protecting innocent people like you.

Oh. Well, then, of course, you did the right thing.

Take a small piece.

[Crunch]

Oh!

Oh, gilligan, now you spoiled everything.

You took the piece with the file in it.

Thurston, you didn't tell me it was illegal.

Hi, professor.

Hi, gilligan.

Where is everybody?

You wouldn't believe the day I had today.

Where is the skipper?

Oh, he'll be along shortly.

His load is larger and heavier.

I sure hope so.

Gilligan, we had the most marvelous luck.

We found this streak of phosphorescent rock on the side of a hill.

How'd you get it out?

Why, with this stick of crude dynamite that I made.

Hey, professor, you never should have done that.

Well, it was the only way that we could get the rock.

I don't mean that. I mean you shouldn't have done that.

Done what?

Carrying a concealed w*apon.

You what?

Mr. Howell for attempted jail break,

Mary ann for aiding and abetting,

Ginger for municipal code--

Gilligan, how could you do such a thing?

It wasn't easy. The girls put up a good fight.

A good officer knows how to use his power, not misuse it.

The law is the law.

Ok, captain bligh.

When I took my oath to guard the peace, I vowed to...

Yeah, here it is.

Oh, ooh! That hurt.

Ooh, my karate pinky.

Gilligan, that's not the only thing that's gonna hurt.

Now give me that key so I can let these people out of jail.

Nothing doing. Gilligan.

You said go by the book, and I went by the book!

Gilligan, you lame-brain, give me that key!

No! Sticks and stones may break my bones--

Yeah? That's not the only thing that's gonna hurt you.

Now I intend to get that key

If I have to shake it out of you.

There it is.

Professor: skipper.

Skipper, you saved us.

Oh, when I tell you what he did to me...

And to me.

Hold it down now, ladies.

We'll talk about this after we get back to camp.

Right now, we've got to get out of jail.

Gilligan. I forgot the key in the lock.

Mr. Howell: oh, no!

Gilligan, give me that key.

I'm sorry, skipper. You're under arrest.

What did I do?

You know when you were shaking me,

Trying to make the key fall out? So?

That's police brutality.

Gilligan, give me that key!

What did gilligan say this is?

It's his own creation, mrs. Howell.

It's coconut pot pie.

I don't have to eat this slop.

I have friends on the outside.

One of them happens to be a chef.

There, there, dear.

I'm crashing out of here.

Are you with me, my dear?

You can count on me.

Thurston and I are crashing out of here. Are you with us?

Oh, you can count on me.

We're crashing out of here, mr. Howell. Are you with us?

Now, why didn't I think of that?

Wait a minute, I just did. I told you.

Ring around the rosie.

All right. Girls, in the back of the cave.

In the back of the cave, lovey, dear. What, what?

Gentlemen, are you ready?

Yeah, ready.

And , , ... Ready?

Ho ho, I hurt my karate pinky again.

Oh, it's no use, skipper.

That thing's as solid as a rock.

You know, it was all my own fault.

Oh, don't blame yourself.

No, really, I'm the one who built it.

We're doomed, doomed, I tell you.

Now, wait a minute, my dear.

Remember who you are.

I'm mrs. Thurston howell iii,

And we're doomed, doomed, I tell you.

Well, maybe not, mrs. Howell.

You know, I made some prison pictures

When I was in hollywood.

Oh, I get it.

Maybe we can use some of their ideas.

That's right. There was this one, it was a musical.

It was called sing a song of sing sing.

What a wonderful title. What happened?

Get ready, everybody. Here he comes.

Aah!

Oh, gilligan, stop them, stop them!

They'll k*ll each other.

Huh?

[Men growling]

Listen, you dumb con,

I told you once and I'm telling you again,

I run this cellblock.

Yeah?

All right, big boy,

But first you got to b*at the king of the hill

And that's me!

Well, here I come!

Well, take this, tough guy.

And this and that-- yell, professor.

Oh--aah!

How do you like that? Tough, eh?

Aah!

Oh, do something, gilligan.

He's going to k*ll him.

Great, great. I saw sing a song of sing sing times,

And that was my favorite scene.

He saw it, he saw it.

We've just crossed coordinate - .

That just about completes the search area.

Well, we better get turned around.

Um, there's one more little island

I think we ought to check out.

It's not on the map, but I recall it

Being just south of here.

Ok, but we better keep our eye on our fuel.

We gotta get back, you know.

We gotta make gilligan open that door.

Maybe we should bribe him.

And that's how one gets in, not out.

Hey, hey, I remember something we did in san quentin blues.

The prisoners made so much noise

That the guard had to open the door.

♪ We want out ♪

♪ We want out ♪

♪ We want out ♪

♪ We want out ♪

♪ We want out ♪

Yada yada, warden.

I saw san quentin blues times.

In the picture, the cons thought they could get this guard, see,

When they kept banging on the bars like you were doing.

But he was a lot tougher than they were.

He took this key, see, and he unlocked the door.

And he got inside with them.

And he said, "now we're in here together.

"And we're gonna stay in together...

Until one of us has had it."

Eh, wait, wait, wait, he threw the key away.

Gilligan, guess who has had it?

The guard in the prison picture?

Guess again.

Hold it!

[Airplane rumbles]

A plane! We're going to be rescued.

They'll see our signal.

Plane, plane!

Well, I didn't see anything.

No, sir. No people down there.

Should we make another pass?

What's the use? We're running low on fuel anyway.

Ok, let's head for home.

Oh, the phosphorescent rocks!

Oh, I do hope they haven't misspelled s.o.s.

Tell them, skipper.

We didn't have time to put the signal rocks out.

Oh, why not?

Because some numbskull put us in jail.

Oh, the plane. It's going...

It's going... Gone.

Gilligan, is there anything you'd like to say

Before we pronounce sentence?

Just one thing.

Well, say it fast.

Make way for the red ball express.

There, gilligan, put your finger in there.

There. That ought to hold you.

Skipper, it's against the law

To lock somebody up without telling them what they did.

Just a moment, gilligan.

[Humming]

Let's see here.

Is that it? Yeah.

It says here in the criminal law,

Section , paragraph ...

"Let it be known that any man

"Who interferes with or causes in any way

"A rescue to be fouled up,

Goes to jail for as long as the skipper says."

There's no law like that in that book.

There is now.

Just tell the girls I'll be home in time for dinner.

Believe me, gilligan, there is no way out of here for you.

That's what you think. You didn't see the picture.

What picture?

The count of monte cristo.

♪ Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In the tropic island nest ♪

♪ No phone, no lights ♪

♪ No motorcars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪