03x19 - Lovey's Secret Admirer

[bunniefuu]

Thurston, are you asleep?

Thurston?

Thurston, are you asleep?!

What?

Yes, yes, I was, dear.

I--having the most terrible dream.

I dreamt I was walking barefoot through $ , bills.

You call that a terrible dream?

Well, they were brand-new,

And they were hurting my little tootsies.

Aww. I had a dream, too, dear.

I dreamed that somebody kissed me on my cheek.

Oh, and it seemed so real.

Well, why don't you go back to sleep

And find out who it was?

What's that?

What's what?

That.

Oh, this that.

Hmm.

It looks like a note.

That's funny. There's not one under my pillow.

What does it say?

Oh, oh--nothing, nothing at all.

Oh, nothing at all, eh?

Let's look at this.

"My darling, just seeing you,

"Just being near you has given my life new meaning.

"I don't know how much longer

I can keep my feelings to myself."

Lovey...

You have a secret admirer.

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship set ground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

What was that for?

As if you didn't know, you sailor.

Well, sure I'm a sailor.

Sweetheart in every port.

What?

Well, this is one port you can forget about,

You overstuffed sea wolf.

Now just a minute, mr. Howell.

If you'll just tell me what this is all about--

Hello, captain.

Mrs. Howell.

Why don't you call her "sweetheart?"

Sweetheart? Girl in every port?

Say, what's going on in here?

I suppose you didn't write this.

Oh, captain, I had no idea how you felt,

But you really must forget about me.

After all, I am a married woman.

"I don't know how much longer

I can keep my feelings to myself."

Well, you don't think I wrote that?

Deny it. I dare you, deny it.

I deny it.

I, uh, assume there is a reason

For this irrational behavior.

Don't play innocent with me, you cad!

Cad?

The quiet ones, they're always the one.

If you would tell me what this is about, then we both know.

Uh, mrs. Howell, perhaps you can--

Oh, mrs. Howell-- really, professor.

You needn't be so formal.

Formal?

The nerve! Right in front of my very eyes.

Aha! This is some sort of joke.

Some sort of a joke? Writing love notes to my wife?

Oh, really, professor.

I never would have guessed

That underneath that calm exterior,

There lived a seething volcano.

Well, he may be a volcano, but I am going to erupt.

How dare you write love notes to my wife?

Oh, I already did that.

Mr. Howell, mrs. Howell,

Now I realize that you're both upset,

And obviously with some justification.

However, I did not write any notes.

Didn't you really?

And I can assure you that I am not a seething volcano,

At least as far as a married woman is concerned.

Well, if you didn't write the note,

And if the captain didn't write the note--

It must be...

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Are these your gloves, mr. Howell?

Don't try and bluff me.

You're not the shy, innocent little boy

That you pretend to be.

Who'd want to pretend to be anything like that?

None of your excuses!

In a way, gilligan, I'm very flattered.

Oh, you're so young.

I'll thrash you within an inch of your life.

Oh, don't be too hard on him, dear.

After all, he's just a young boy--

A silly, wonderful boy.

There, there, sweet prince.

Your lady fair understands.

Sweet prince, lady fair?

I'm just mad about your last note,

You bad, impetuous thing.

What note?

Let me see that.

"Dream girl, now that you know my feelings,

Do I dare hope that you might care for me, too?"

You'll need someone to care for you-- the red cross!

I didn't write that note

Or any notes to mrs. Howell.

You deny it, too!

Obviously the three of you,

You gentlemen, you deny it

Because you're afraid of incurring

The mighty howell wrath!

But I won't rest until I find out who the culprit is!

Ooh, I've never seen mr. Howell so angry.

Isn't it wonderful?

And I found this note pinned to my wardrobe.

That makes notes in all.

Oh, whoever he is, he certainly has a crush on you.

Have you ever had a secret admirer, mary ann?

If I did, he sure kept it a secret.

Have you ever had a secret admirer, ginger?

Well, I once had an admirer who had a secret--

A wife and kids.

Well, you don't know who's writing you the notes,

So where are the pink papers coming from?

They all denied it.

Having a secret admirer is rather fun,

But it'd be more fun to know who he is.

Maybe I can help you find out.

But how could you find out if mr. Howell couldn't?

Well, confidentially,

I look a little better in a sarong than mr. Howell.

[Whispering] ok, let's go.

Mary ann, I'm telling you for the last time!

The skipper's mine!

Mary ann: well, that's what you think.

I thought he was cute for quite a while.

I've just been too shy to say how I feel.

Well, you're too late.

When I go after a man, I go after him.

Well, it doesn't mean you're gonna get him.

Are you kidding? Listen, you little farm girl,

If you know what's good for you,

You'll stay away from my man!

Your man? Ha!

You think every man looks at you

Just because you wiggle your hips

Like a pair of windshield wipers?

Oh! One more cr*ck like that,

And I'll add some black and blue to your brown eyes.

Well, if you hit me, it'll be the most work you've done

Since you've been on the island.

[Whispers] he's coming.

That did it!

That did it. Oh!

Hi, girls.

What's going on out here?

Skipper, you do like me better than ginger, don't you?

Well, I like you both, mary ann.

Well! If that's your attitude, you can have her.

Ginger, I had no idea that you were so crazy about me.

Oh, skipper, I'd fight anyone for you,

Even mrs. Howell.

Even mrs. Howell?

You are the one who wrote the notes, aren't you?

Not me, but if I'd write anyone a note,

It'd be you.

Skipper, why don't you write me a note?

Now, this lie detector should prove conclusively

That I had nothing to do with the notes.

Uh, yes. Exactly how does it work?

Well, I've wired the ship's horn from the minnow,

And I've utilized the batteries from the radio.

If anyone lies, the horn goes off.

Let's get on with the questions.

I'm dying to know who's secretly in love with me.

Yes, tell a lie so we can judge the truth.

Uh, yes, of course.

Um, I should like to stay on this island forever.

Never be rescued.

[Honking]

You see?

Ask him about me.

[Whispering] no, in due time. I must be crafty.

The idea is to catch someone off-guard.

Uh, professor, uh,

What exactly are your degrees?

Well, I have a b.a. From u.s.c.,

A b.s. From u.c.l.a., An m.a. From s.m.u.,

And a ph.d. From t.c.u.

Well, I don't know anything about your education,

But it sounds like a marvelous recipe for alphabet soup.

All right, fire away.

You like brunettes?

Do you want to whisper sweet nothings into my ear?

You like redheads?

Are you planning to write me some more love notes?

You like blondes?

Do you need more pink stationery?

Yes, no, yes, no, yes, and no.

There, you see, I always tell the truth.

[Honking]

All right. Uh, gilligan,

Were you ever in love?

Yes.

What was her name?

Herman.

Herman?

That's an odd name for a girl.

Not if the girl's a turtle.

Oh, gilligan, be serious.

And she was in love with me.

[Honking]

I lied. She was in love with another turtle.

All right, gilligan, let's talk about mrs. Howell.

It wouldn't work. Don't you see?

Gilligan's answered your questions truthfully about who he loved,

And it wasn't mrs. Howell.

But I've been getting all those notes.

Somebody must be in love with me.

Well, if none of us wrote those notes,

It must mean that there is someone else on the island.

There's someone else?

Someone else? You mean a total stranger

In love with my wife?

We've simply got to find out

Who finds me so fascinating.

I must know who this mysterious, frightening,

Fiendish, sweet stranger is.

Where are you going, dear?

Oh, to fix my hair and freshen my makeup.

After all, one never knows who one might meet.

Do you really think there's somebody else on the island?

Gilligan, I think I know exactly who this total stranger is.

So do i.

[Honking]

[Lips smack]

Professor: mr. Howell!

Both: mr. Howell!

Mr. Howell.

Why, thurston.

You know, I had no idea

That the thing would get out of hand.

I thought that after you got the first note,

Of course you'd realize it was me.

Darling, how could i?

Well, I mean, after all,

Ginger could have a secret admirer.

She's a beautiful movie star.

Oh, and why not me?

Well, lovey, after all--

After all what?

After all I'm gonna deliver these apologies.

You think no other man could find me attractive?

Now, lovey, I never said that.

Exactly what did you say?

When I said that-- I mean, after all,

Being-- being confined on this island,

I thought it might be amusing for a woman your age.

A woman my age?

Not that you're old, but you're not exactly mary ann.

Now you think I'm ancient.

Ancient? No, I didn't say it. You said it, lovey.

But that's what you're thinking.

How could you be so cruel?

How could you? Get out, get out!

I never want to see you again.

Now go! [Sobbing]

Get out!

Well, we'll be going, mrs. Howell.

Thank you very much, girls.

And don't worry about me. I'll be all right.

I know exactly what I'm going to do.

I'm going to put him out of my mind, forget him.

That's a good idea.

But on a small island like this,

It's awfully hard to forget mr. Howell.

Who?

Mr. Howell.

Your husband?

You see, I've forgotten him already.

Well, we'll be going.

Good night. Good night, dears.

Radio: good evening, boys and girls.

This is your uncle artie.

It's story time again,

And tonight I've selected a marvelous story to read to you.

It's a story about a slipper and a prince.

Can you guess who it is?

That's right! Cinderella.

Our story opens in the dingy storeroom

Of a once-elegant mansion.

Cinderella is forced into the room by her stepmother.

Poor cinderella.

Poor cinderella...

Now then, cinderella,

I want you to mop this floor

And I want you to make it spotless.

Yes, stepmother.

Do you have to make so much noise?

Why can't you be quiet like your beautiful stepsisters?

But they're asleep.

That's no excuse.

Stepmother, can't we get a new mop?

It's so hard to do the floors with this old one.

You're always asking for something, cinderella.

Give me this and give me that.

Now the mop isn't good enough for you.

But, stepmother--.

Cinderella, if I pay for a new mop for you,

How will I pay for your beautiful stepsisters' fox hunting lessons?

Now get busy with that floor,

And you know what else you have to do.

Yes. I have to make the beds

And do the wash and chop the wood

And milk the cow and do the dishes

And iron the clothes and sweep the chimney,

And then I can go to work.

[Knock on door]

Well, don't just stand there dirty and grimy.

Answer the door.

Yes, stepmother.

[Gasps]

A message from the palace.

Ooh. A message from the palace.

A message from the palace.

Invitations from the prince

To the ball tonight.

Invitations to the ball.

Well, you may tell the prince

That my beautiful daughters will be there.

I'll deliver the message.

[Crash]

Sorry, I blew my top.

Well, the king is gonna have to get

Taller soldiers or shorter uniforms.

Didn't I get an invitation?

You? Ha ha ha ha ha!

Who would invite anybody as ugly as you?

This is for giselle,

And this is for frederica,

My beautiful daughters.

[Footsteps]

Did somebody call our names?

Girls, girls,

The prince has invited you to the palace tonight.

[Both scream]

The prince to the palace?

Oh, quick, cinderella!

Mend the hem on my skirt,

And put my water in the bath.

Yes, sister.

Now you girls hurry and get ready for the ball.

Oh! I hope the prince is short.

Oh, I hope he's tall.

Well, it's no matter which,

'Cause you're both going to the ball.

[Both shriek]

Stepmother, stepmother, why can't I go?

You, cinderella?

Both: ha ha ha ha ha!

Good-bye, girls,

And have a wonderful time at the ball.

Ha ha ha ha!

And you wanted to go to the ball.

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[Sighs] I do wish I could go.

[Music playing]

[Gasps] oh, who are you?

I'm your fairy godfather.

I didn't know I had a fairy godfather.

Well, your fairy godmother was busy,

So for tonight they let me into the union.

Did I hear you wish you could go to the ball?

Oh, yes, but I haven't got an invitation.

I can arrange for that.

But I haven't got a gown.

How could I go in these old rags?

I can take care of that, too.

Aah!

Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit.

Oops. I goofed.

I think I like me better the other way.

I'm sorry, cinderella, but I'm kind of new at this.

Oh...ooh!

Oh, oh, oh, fairy godfather, I'm so happy.

It's an invitation to the ball.

How can I ever thank you?

By leaving the ball before midnight,

For at the stroke of : , you shall be returned

To your old grimy and dirty self.

By the stroke of midnight?

Yes. As a new fairy godfather,

I can only work hours.

I go off duty at : .

Oh, well, how am I going to get there?

I shall fix that.

I shall take this pumpkin

And change it into a horse and a fine carriage

To take you to the ball.

[Car horn honks]

Goofed again.

[Horse whinnies]

I think I'm getting the hang of it.

Now, cinderella, go and have a ball at the ball.

Oh, I shall, fairy godfather. I shall.

Remember, leave before the stroke of midnight.

[Fanfare playing]

Ladies and gentlemen, the prince.

[Fanfare playing]

Nice going in there, shorty.

My pleasure, prince.

Arise!

Arise and be introduced to magnificent me.

My prince, may I introduce the fair frederica.

And this, my prince, is the fair giselle.

Pretty fair, pretty fair.

Oh, your highness.

I saw you drop this in the parade months ago,

And I've cherished it

Because it belonged to you.

I took it home and I washed it and ironed it.

I keep it with me always.

Uh, from now on send all my laundry to her.

Prince, I have your picture underneath my pillow.

I had no idea how handsome you really are.

Well, no pictures do justice to me.

No film can capture my beauty.

Shall we?

[Tango music playing]

Ladies, pardon me.

You can't go!

We just started to dance!

[Rumba music playing]

Aah!

[Both screaming]

Aah!

My name is cinderella.

That was some kiss.

Yes, and it was only my hand.

I'm not sure, but I think it kissed back.

Would you care to dance, cinderella?

Oh, yes, I'd love to.

Play on!

[Waltz playing]

[Rock 'n' roll playing]

[Clock chimes]

Darling.

Oh, the clock strikes midnight.

Bung! I must go.

You cannot go.

But I must.

I must kiss you before you leave.

All right, you can kiss me for more bungs.

[Ring]

[Ring]

Ahh--ooh!

I must hurry.

Must you?

Yes, I must.

Oh, my darling.

[Ring]

[Ring]

Cinderella!

Cinderella!

Cinderella!

Cinderella!

Mrs. Howell: cinderella.

Cinderella.

Cinderella?

Thurston.

As I was passing the hut,

I heard you call out in your sleep

And I thought I heard you say, "cinderella."

Oh, I might have.

I was dreaming I was cinderella.

Yes, well, as long as you're all right, I'll--

I know that you don't want to see me, my dear.

Oh, darling, I do, I do.

Oh, I've learned my lesson.

Oh, my darling, you'll always be my prince.

[Cuckoo clock]

[Cuckoo]

[Cuckoo]

Cinderella,

It's almost midnight.

If you hurry, thurston,

You can kiss me for more cuckoos.

[Cuckoo]

[Cuckoo]

[Cuckoo]

I like ice cream.

I like hot dogs.

I like spinach.

[Honking]

Mary ann: gilligan?

In here, mary ann.

Gilligan...

Do you remember that pie I made for you before?

Uh-huh. It was delicious.

Well, I made of them,

And I can't seem to find the other .

Have you seen them?

No.

[Honking]

Well, I saw them, but I didn't take them.

[Honking]

[expl*si*n]

[Electrical buzzing]

Well, they were delicious.

♪ Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In the tropic island nest ♪

♪ No phone, no lights ♪

♪ No motorcars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪