03x23 - High Man on the Totem Pole

[bunniefuu]

Maybe I'd better

Start finding our way back, huh?

Don't worry, skipper.

I know exactly where we are.

You do? Where are we?

We're lost.

Oh, gilligan.

Well, judging from the sky,

I think if we head directly east,

We'll eventually hit the beach.

Yeah, well, go on.

Unh.

Will you leave that vine alone, gilligan?

Move!

Aah! Unh!

What is wrong with you?

Y-you lead the way.

It must be some kind of a native totem pole.

Did you ever see a meaner-looking face?

Look at that horrible one.

Yeah, that's a horrible face and...

That face is mine!

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship's aground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Ah! It's a totem pole, all right.

Carved by the kupa kai.

Kupa who? Kai.

Gilligan, can't you understand english?

Kupa kai.

If that's english, I went to the wrong school.

Professor, what is a kupa kai?

Well, they're a native tribe

Who inhabit the islands in this area.

Look at the head on top of the totem pole.

It looks exactly like gilligan.

Yeah. It's a little more ferocious, perhaps,

But it is an amazing likeness.

And I didn't even pose for it.

That's really a good carving.

Those kupa kais must be handy with a Kn*fe.

Oh, they're handy with a Kn*fe, all right.

Why, they're the most ferocious tribe

Of headhunters in the south pacific.

Do you mean the people that carved that head--

They're headhunters?

That's right.

Do you think they're advertising for me?

Skipper: it looks exactly like gilligan.

Oh, that's just a coincidence, that's all.

Gilligan may be a dead ringer for one of their kings.

Don't say the word dead.

Not while I'm alive, huh?

Relax, gilligan.

Kupa kai must have carved that totem pole many years ago.

Gilligan, you really have it made if they ever come back,

'Cause you look enough like one of those kupa kais

To be one yourself.

Hey, skipper.

How come nobody ever told me before I look like a kupa kai?

Because anybody that knows what a kupa kai looks like

Isn't alive to talk about it.

I sure do look like one.

Professor said that was just a coincidence.

Yeah, I know what he said,

But if people have a face like mine,

It's not a coincidence.

That's very true, gilligan.

It would be a catastrophe.

What if that old king

Was my great-great- grandfather or something?

That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

Yeah, but if that old king on the pole is my ancestor,

That means I have headhunters' blood in me--

Will you knock it off?

There is such a thing as herdity.

That's heredity.

You look like him because of heredity.

You see? Even you think it was my ancestor.

Will you go to sleep?!

Ok, but if you wake up in the morning

And you don't have your head,

Don't say I didn't warn you.

So we've got a real problem.

You mean gilligan thinks he comes from

A long line of headhunters?

Oh, that's ridiculous!

He's the sweetest, most gentle boy

I've ever known.

Well, that may be so, mary ann,

But this morning he got up real early to go out

And stare at his ancestor some more.

Oh, pooh! If gilligan was a headhunter,

Why would he settle with the head he has?

Mrs. Howell, believe me,

He's really convinced he's a kupa kai.

Oh, double pooh! Nonsense!

Lovey, don't pooh-pooh heredity

Or even give it a double pooh.

After all, didn't I inherit

My financial genius from dear old dad?

That's true. All the money thurston has

He inherited from his father.

Gilligan is not a headhunter,

And we all know it.

Oh, that's fine, mary ann,

But how are we gonna convince him of that?

Oh, shh, shh! Here he comes.

Ginger: hi, gilligan.

Would you like some breakfast?

How about some scrambled eggs?

How would you like to go fishing

This afternoon, little buddy?

Would you like to stay with mr. Howell?

You can count $ , bills.

And keep the ones that are upside down.

How are we going to get

Gilligan's attention away

From that totem pole?

I assure you, lovey, there's nothing like

A relaxing drive in the country

To make gilligan forget

That he's a descendant of headhunters.

Shh! Quiet.

Any time you're ready, my boy.

Any particular place, mr. Howell?

No, just a drive in the fresh air, you know.

[Chuckles] anything you say.

What's the matter, gilligan?

My legs are tired.

That's all right, my boy, conserve fuel.

After all, we can only get miles to a leg.

Miles to a leg! I made a witty one.

[Mrs. Howell laughing]

That'll make the boy forget his troubles.

Oh, darling, we mustn't say anything

That'll remind him

Of those dreadful headhunters.

I pride myself on my tact.

Uh, gilligan? I have great plans for you

After we're rescued.

Really, mr. Howell?

Yes, with my financial genius behind you,

You're bound to get ahead.

A head?!

Be careful what you say!

I did make a faux pas, I admit it.

Oh, gilligan, mr. Howell didn't mean what he said.

He was just talking off the top of his head.

Head?!

Lovey! I'm so sorry, gilligan!

I apologize from the tip of my toes

To the top of my-- head?!

Gilligan, perhaps you'd better drive.

Yeah!

Ohh! Ohh!

Oh, dear! I do hope we're insured.

Gilligan, you'll have to be more careful.

Look what you've done.

Lovey, are you all--

Gilligan! He's over--

A perfect set-- they match!

Hi, gilligan. Would you like to take

A nice, long walk with me in the jungle?

[Flatly] no, thanks.

How about a cool, refreshing swim?

I'll wear my polka dot bikini.

I wonder if they shrink a lot.

If it did, there'd be only one dot left.

Huh?

You asked me if my bathing suit shrinks a lot.

No, no, I was wondering if those headhunters

Shrink a lot of heads.

Tch. Oh, gilligan.

Look at me.

You know, they say the shortest distance

Between points is a straight line.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

No, I never was very good at math.

Oh, gilligan!

[Sighs]

Will you stop looking at that silly totem pole

And look at me for a minute?

Ok.

Now, what has that totem got

That I haven't got?

Heads.

[Sighs] you win!

I tried, I really tried,

But all he thinks about are those heads.

And you just left him standing there?

Well, 's company, is a crowd.

[Sighs]

I made this boomerang for him.

I hope I can get him interested in this.

I hope that boomerang

Has more "boom" in it than I had.

Gilligan?

There you are, little buddy,

I've been looking all over for you.

Huh. Look what I made for you--

A boomerang. Uh-huh.

W-w-well, come on, you know how you had

All that trouble losing things all the time?

Uh-huh. Well, this you can't lose.

You throw it away,

And it comes right back to you.

It's a boomerang, get it?

You throw it away, and it comes back.

Skipper, I don't want a boomerang.

Well, gilligan, now, it's a lot of fun, really, it is,

And of course it takes a lot of practice

To learn how to throw one.

But, skipper, i--i--i don't need a boomerang.

Well, gilligan, this isn't a toy, you know.

The natives use them to hunt with.

Do headhunters ever use them?

Well, I suppose that they could use them--

Oh, well, gilligan, we're not talking that seriously,

And besides--

Skipper, I never threw a boomerang.

Can I try, can I try? Yeah, try!

But be sure and watch where it goes now

'Cause we gotta see where it lands.

We can't lose it, you know.

Gilligan, you almost cut my head off!

I am a headhunter! I knew it.

I am a headhunter!

Mary ann: skipper!

Skipper! Professor!

Mary ann, what is it?

Oh, something terrible is going to happen!

Something terrible is going to happen?

Gilligan just ran past me,

And he had a wild look in his eye.

A wild look in his eye?

And an a* in his hand.

An a*?!

We better go find him.

Oh, I think he went that way.

Maybe he went that way!

Oh, never mind. Come on, professor!

Oh, he was so upset,

I don't which way he went!

We gotta find him, professor.

No telling what he'll do with that a*.

Well, I just can't believe that gilligan

Is capable of v*olence. [Chopping]

What was that?

I don't know, but it sounds like

It's coming from over there.

Come on, let's go!

Not capable of v*olence, huh?

Gilligan, what are you doing?

I'm gonna get rid of this totem pole.

But look what you've done!

What did I do?

You cut the head off!

He's going to move to the other side of the island.

He says he can't trust himself.

He's convinced he has all the instincts of a headhunter.

Well, I'm convinced, too.

I'll never forget the look on his face

When he cut down old grandpappy.

Oh, gilligan has no native instincts

Either for headhunting or survival,

And I'm not going to let him live alone

On the other side of the island.

Well, how are you going to stop him?

By literally putting my head on the chopping block.

What do you mean?

Watch.

Gilligan, I brought you

A little going-away present.

It's a hand a*. Thought it might come in handy

While you were out looking for trophies.

Thanks, professor. I'm glad somebody believes

I'm really a kupa kai headhunter.

Why don't you start your collection with my head?

Huh?

I mean, I'd consider it an honor

To be your first victim.

What?

Professor: well, come on, gilligan,

Chop off my head.

I mean, a real kupa kai

Wouldn't turn down the offer of a head.

You couldn't do it, little buddy, you couldn't do it!

No, I guess I'm not a headhunter.

And you're not a kupa kai?

No, I'm a chicken, right down to the bone.

Now you know you're not related

To that old king on the totem pole.

Skipper, you couldn't make me believe I was a kupa kai

If I had to die to prove it.

Whoever do this...die!

Mashuka, great king! Greatest headhunter of all!

Also very angry-looking.

Put that back on pole.

We find who do this!

[Whistling]

Hi, gilligan.

Oh, hi, mary ann.

[Coughing] oh, the dust!

I heard you whistling. You must be happy.

Yeah, I am. I finally realized how silly I was

Thinking I was a headhunter,

And that's why I'm happy.

Well, I'm happy you're happy.

Well, I'm happy you're happy I'm happy.

In fact, I was thinking how great that wooden head

Would look on the wall over there.

Oh, you don't want that creepy thing in your room.

Yeah! When nobody's here, I could talk to myself.

Professor, do we really have to

Put that head back on the pole?

Oh, yes, because of gilligan.

I mean, for the moment he's forgotten all about

That headhunting business, but it would be better

If he never saw any little reminders.

I guess so--

Don't look now, but here are big reminders

Headed this way! Quick, come on, hide!

Are they who I think they are?

Yes, they are real kupa kai headhunters.

Hey, kupa king!

Where'd your noggin go?

Kupa king! You and I can be friends.

I just want to take you back to my hut.

Kupa king?

Kupa king. Where'd it go?

Hey, there it is.

How'd you get up there?

Never mind. I don't want to know.

They were headed for the lagoon.

Yeah, I better warn the others.

No, wait a minute, professor.

There may be more of them.

[Rustling in bushes]

Gilligan!

Aah! Skipper!

Gilligan, it's only us!

I don't want to say anything,

But there are ghosts on the island.

They're not ghosts, gilligan. Those are real kupa kai headhunters.

Now there's good news--bye!

Wait a minute! Now we've gotta warn the others.

We'll tell the howells,

And you go find the girls.

Exactly! And above all, keep out of sight.

Don't worry, skipper. At times like this, I'm invisible.

Eww! I've heard of mudpacks,

But this is ridiculous.

Don't knock it, honey.

In hollywood, they charge

$ A half hour for this.

$ ? What have they got in it, rock hudson?

[Laughs]

Ooh, I love it! Ok.

Oh, no! The headhunters got the girls!

I can't look!

Both: hi, gilligan!

Huh?!

What's the matter? You look like a ghost.

What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with me? Have you looked at yourselves lately?

How can we? We're covered with mud.

Gilligan: mud?

We're standing in a mud bog.

Oh, I thought those headhunters

Got here before I could.

Gilligan, are you trying to tell us

There are real headhunters on this island?

Yeah, the skipper and the professor saw them.

Quick, get us out of here!

Oh, help! Come on, mary ann.

Ohh! Unh!

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

One moment, please!

Stop waving that thing i-i-in my wife's face!

Have you no manners?

Oh, thurston, why don't you tell these poor souls

That we don't need any boy scout equipment.

Lovey, I know how to deal with aborigines.

Now, one moment here-- you, sir, the spokesman.

How much to let mrs. Howell-- mrs. Tall hat--

And me go free? Uh, , , hmm?

Uh, , ... , ...

Oh, come, come, every man has his price, now, what is yours?

[Speaking native language]

Sounds terribly expensive.

Oh! Yale men!

[Yelling indistinctly]

Ooh! Ow!

Thurston, I didn't know we were asked for dinner.

I'm afraid, my dear, we are the dinner.

Can't you do anything to stop them?

No. I've even offered them seats

On the stock exchange.

And they turned you down?

Just as well. They'd probably corner

Everything in the market,

Especially the customers.

[Whispering] the kupa kais have got

Mr. And mrs. Howell c*ptive.

We've got to do something.

Well, it would be too risky to try to overpower them.

Well, of course, if we got gilligan,

It would make the sides even.

But, of course, on second thought,

It might make matters worse.

No, wait a minute, skipper, you're wrong.

Gilligan could repulse them simply by showing his face.

Oh, come on, professor!

I mean, gilligan's no cary grant,

But he certainly doesn't have a face

Like a frankenstein's monster.

No, skipper, that's not what I meant.

Gilligan looks exactly like that kupa kai on the totem pole.

Well, what about it?

If he can convince the headhunters

That he's really their dead king brought back to life,

He can order them to release the howells.

Hey, yeah, he can save us-- save us all!

You're a born kupa kai if I ever saw one!

Oh, boy, one look at that face,

And they're going to know you're their king.

But I'm not a king and I'm not a headhunter.

Professor, you convinced me of that.

I know, but you've got to act like one.

A dead one! How's that gonna save the howells?

Well, you tell the natives to release their prisoners.

Now, these natives are very superstitious,

So as a king, your word is law.

Then how come nobody pays any attention to me?

I think you better take a look

And see if the howells are all right.

All right, but hurry it up,

Because before you finish off gilligan,

They're apt to finish off the howells.

Huh? There you are!

King! [Laughs]

Now, gilligan, very briefly,

The kupa kai words for "free the prisoners" are...

Pulu si bagumba.

Pulu si bagumba.

That's right. Now hit the words hard

And make them sound like you're mad.

Boogie loo gumbamba!

No, no! Pulu si bagumba.

Now try it again.

Pulu ba--

Oh, gilligan, concentrate!

The howells are in serious trouble.

Now try it again.

[Speaking native language]

Thurston, what did he say?

W-w-well, I don't know,

But it sounded like kupa kai for...

"Cheerio, old chap!"

[Speaking native language]

Both: help! Help!

Skipper: wait! Wait!

[Speaking native language]

The howells: skipper! Skipper!

Now look, I'm gonna be real fair about this thing.

I'm gonna give you boys a chance

To get off the island.

There're marines waiting to att*ck

If I'm not back in minutes.

Thurston, isn't that marvelous? Marines!

Oh, dear, and look! We're not properly dressed to greet them!

Lovey, this is just a bluff.

Thurston, don't be ridiculous. Marines never bluff!

Believe me, if you boys know what's good for you,

You'd better get off the island right now.

You've only got about minutes left,

And then you'll be finished!

...nokupa. Pulu si bagumba.

Perfect! Gilligan, that's perfect!

Good. I wonder what I said.

You know, I'm getting worried.

The skipper hasn't come back yet.

Well, I think we'd better go.

Mr. And mrs. Howell are probably scared to death by now.

Yeah, and I want to see myself in a mirror.

Aw, gilligan, we don't have time for that.

Well, hurry up!

Mary ann: gilligan!

Gilligan, come on.

Ohhh.

Professor?

Ginger? Mary ann?

I wonder where they went.

They left without me.

[Speaking native language]

Where's gilligan?

I don't know. Hi.

Hey, what are you doing there?

I'm sorry we couldn't wait for you, gilligan,

But we got all tied up.

What do I do now? I only rehearsed for the howells.

Well, make your appearance exactly as we planned, gilligan,

Only tell them to release all of us.

How do I say that?

Professor, I think these vines are coming loose.

We can't wait till we get loose, gilligan,

They may k*ll us at any moment.

[Grunting]

Professor: good heavens.

If they notice that head missing,

They'll come over to investigate.

I-i'll put-- I'll put it back up.

Well, hurry it up, gilligan,

Or they'll be a lot of heads missing.

Mashuka!

[Speaking native language]

[Speaking native language]

Mashuka?

Mashuka? That's me?

Gilligan.

Me mashuka.

Pulu si...

Pulu si...

Pulu si... Bagumba.

Pulu si bagumba.

Hey, that was pretty good.

You dead king.

Why you not speak real kupa kai?

I've been dead so long, I forgot?

Would you...

Mashuka!

We k*lled burma mashuka!

You did it, little buddy.

You did it. You did it.

Well, like they say, skipper,

Heads are better than one.

Yes.

You didn't bring us out here to show us that, did you?

Oh, gilligan, not again.

When are you gonna stop worrying

About looking like some chap on a totem pole?

Right now, mr. Howell.

Next time the kupa kai show up,

You can be their chief.

Amazing likeness.

Early rodin!

Oh, to be immortalized in your own time.

♪ Now, this is a tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In their tropic island nest ♪

♪ No phone ♪ ♪ no lights ♪

♪ No motorcars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪