03x27 - It's a Bird, It's a Plane

[bunniefuu]

Now, watch this next maneuver, general.

Well, sir?

Yeah. It seems like quite a device, colonel.

You're, uh, convinced

That I should authorize this

For official air force use.

General, our tests in the pacific indicate that the xjp

Will render all other manually controlled jet packs obsolete.

It's compact and lightweight.

Practically anybody can operate it,

And it has a range of over miles.

Frankly, sir, I think it's a perfect machine.

[Knock on door]

Come in.

Begging the colonel's pardon, sir.

Yes, lieutenant?

Just received this message

From the test ship in the pacific, sir.

Bad news, colonel?

It seems our perfect machine

Has become a victim of human error, sir.

"Jet pack xjp lost at sea. Please advise."

Yeah, that is bad news.

Yes, sir. We certainly wouldn't want

The xjp to fall into the wrong hands.

Lieutenant, authorize a fleet

To begin a search for the pack at once.

Yes, sir.

I wouldn't be too concerned, general.

The pack should stay afloat for several days,

And, well, I believe our ships will find it.

Good. You know, what I can't believe

Is that man has reached the age

Where he can fly like a bird.

You know, I haven't seen one of these since I was a boy

Reading the adventures of buck rogers.

Buck who?

Buck rogers. He was the guy

Who used to fly around in one of these things.

Oh, gilligan. Why don't you--

Hi. Any luck? What's that?

I think it's buck rogers' rocket.

Let me see that.

If this were mr. Rogers' rocket,

His mother would have sewn his name on it somewhere.

Gilligan, there is no such person as buck rogers.

He was a comic book character.

Did you ever meet buck rogers?

Of course not.

Then how do you know he wasn't a real person?

I'm gonna explain it once more, and then I'm--

Gilligan, you're right. I am?

You mean, this does belong to buck rogers?

No, but it is a jet-powered flight pack,

And it's practically full of fuel.

Well, maybe we can find some way

To use it to get off the island.

I'll begin experiments right away.

You know, it's just possible

That there's enough fuel in this jet pack

To get it all the way back to hawaii.

Oh, boy. Let's start experimenting.

Come on, gilligan.

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship's aground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

Hey, professor? Professor?

Oh, good heavens.

Look what you've made me do.

Sorry, professor,

But we're dying to find out

If this jet pack's gonna be able

To fly to hawaii. Yeah.

Well, there's a chance, skipper, but--

Oh, did you hear that, gilligan?

One of us might be able to fly to hawaii.

Isn't that great news?

Yeah. It's a long trip there.

I hope the jet pack has a good movie.

Yeah, so do i, because...

When you gentlemen leave,

I can complete this fuel analysis.

All right, professor. We're going right now.

Come on, gilligan.

Professor, I just have one more question--

Professor. Professor.

Oh, why did you girls have to burst in

In the middle of an experiment?

Oh, we're sorry, professor,

But we heard that gilligan

Found some kind of a jet pack

To get us off the island.

Well, it's possible, ginger,

But I won't know till I complete these tests.

Oh, you just don't know

How desperately I want to breathe

The heady wines of civilization again.

Oh, to meet a tall, handsome man

And have a candlelit dinner for ,

And then after dinner, to dance.

Oh, just to float--

Just float through the air--

Until dawn's gentle fingers

Pull back the soft blanket of night.

That's a scene from a tender, romantic movie I was in.

It was called, the bird people meet the chicken pluckers.

All right. Would you girls leave now

So I can continue my work?

Oh, but-- but, professor--

All right, out! Shoo!

I'll let you know the results

The moment I'm finished. Now, go!

Professor? Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, dear, professor.

Did we cause you to spill that?

Oh, not at all, mrs. Howell.

I've had so much practice recently,

I could have spilled it without your help.

Uh, how soon will you know if the flight is feasible?

Well, if you'll both be quiet,

I will know in a minute.

Well, professor, can one of us

Fly off for help now?

I'm afraid not, mrs. Howell,

Although my experiments indicate

The jet pack has sufficient flight range to reach hawaii,

I'm afraid such a flight would be terribly, terribly risky.

Nothing is too risky to save a howell.

Howells, dear.

Uh, that's right. Make that howells. Write that down.

Besides risk, we're facing a time problem.

You see, the fuel in this jet pack

Has given me a propellant potency retention problem.

How dare you talk that way in front of my wife?

Oh, what I meant was

That this particular type of fuel

Loses its potency when it gets old.

Nonsense, professor. Haven't you heard?

There's no fuel like an old fuel. Ha ha.

Let's sneak in and get the jet pack.

Oh, it seems such a mean trick to play on gilligan.

Well, I know how you feel, dear,

But--but you heard the professor.

If--if one of us doesn't attempt the trip soon,

Our chance of being rescued will be ruined.

True.

Gilligan is the only one on the island

Who can make this trip.

He's young, he's wiry, and he's agile.

Besides, who else could we possibly trick into doing it?

You see, gilligan, he's determined

To go through with this.

Lovey, how dare you bring gilligan here?

He's sure to try and stop me

From--from making this flight.

Well, wait a minute, mr. Howell.

I don't know how to forgive you, lovey,

For what you've done.

Don't be angry, mr. Howell.

She doesn't want you to make the flight, either.

Well, if I won't make the flight, who will?

Well, uh...

Aha! I should have known

That you would want to grab the glory.

Oh, mr.-- Oh, you can't fool me, gilligan.

You know, whoever makes this flight

Will be a national hero,

And you're aching to go instead of me.

Is that what you think?

I don't think so, I know.

I know you don't know, either.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Don't try and stop me, 'cause it won't do any good.

Well, ok. I won't try to stop you.

Well, i--i know that your persistence

Is hard to break down, my boy,

But before you convince me

That you should go instead of me,

Give me one good reason-- one, sir--

Why I shouldn't make this flight.

But, thurston, if anything happened to you,

Who would take care of me,

And all our beloved little howells?

What beloved little howells?

Well, the howell steel company

And the howell chemical company and the howell--

That's just it, lovey.

I--i'm tired of being a man

Who's known for the companies he keeps.

I want to be known as a man

Who would risk his life

For his dear and beloved friends.

Oh, thurston.

Please try to understand, gilligan.

Despite my advanced age

And my physical inability

And the fact that you're more qualified,

I am going to make this flight.

So please leave me to do what I must do.

That's very brave and noble, mr. Howell,

But I think I ought to be the one that takes the flight.

Now, you just go. You heard what mr. Howell said.

Go ahead. I want to be alone

To say good-bye to my husband.

Lovey, how could you?

Oh, darling, how could I watch you

Brave, courageous, thing?

Well, how could you make gilligan go away?

But you said you wanted him to leave.

No, it was just an act

To trick him into making the flight.

Oh, darling, I forgot what a marvelous actor you are.

Oh, and all this is just a little play.

Are you furious with me?

Of course not. It's show biz.

Hurry up, mary ann.

I think I hear gilligan. Hurry up.

Ok. Oh, gilligan! Oh, gilligan! Oh, come quick!

What is it, mary ann?

Oh, gilligan, ginger's gonna fly to hawaii.

You've got to stop her.

You'd better find somebody else.

I already tried to stop mr. Howell and couldn't do it.

Nobody's going to stop me, mary ann.

If I have to sacrifice myself

For my friends, I intend to do so.

You don't want to sacrifice yourself.

Of course I do.

Is there a brave, decent person

On this island that wouldn't want to?

No, but there's a rotten, cowardly person who doesn't want to.

Gilligan. You guessed it.

Oh, mary ann, um,

Would you give me a few minutes alone with gilligan?

Gilligan?

There's something that I want to do

Before I fly away.

Buy insurance?

No. I want to give you a good-bye kiss.

You don't have to. I'm not going anyplace.

I see. Well, now, let me get

This plan straight, professor.

We build a dummy, we strap the jet pack to it,

Pin a note to it, and then send it off

To hawaii from a launching pad.

Exactly. Here's the drawing I made.

Wow, what a brilliant idea.

Well, frankly, skipper,

I think it's my most brilliant idea.

There's only one thing I'm not certain of.

Oh, what's that?

If it will work.

Well, I wonder what's going on over there?

Good heavens. What's going on here?

Oh, professor. Uh, well, uh...

Well, I guess we'd better confess, ginger.

We were desperate. We wanted somebody

To try to fly to hawaii.

Well, you can stop being desperate, mary ann.

Someone is going to fly to hawaii.

They are? Who?

The dummy.

Huh? What did you say?

I said, the dummy is gonna fly to hawaii.

Oh, no, I'm not. I'm not flying anyplace.

How did I get in this thing?

Let me out of here. I'm not gonna stay here.

I'm getting out of here.

Here, take--take this jet pack. Oh!

There. How do you think he looks?

Well, he's not exactly rock hudson,

But I guess he'll have to do.

Now, we have to make sure

He's feet, inches tall.

How are we gonna find that out

Without a tape measure?

Easy.

Ginger, what are you doing?

Well, I used to go steady

With this basketball player.

He was exactly feet ,

And I know just how much

I had to reach up to kiss him.

Oh, ginger, have you got a--

What is it, mrs. Howell?

Well, I don't mean to meddle, dear,

But since that dummy's about to fly away,

Do you think it wise

To become emotionally involved?

There's just one thing I don't understand, professor.

Yes?

Well, how's the dummy

Gonna operate the jet pack

When he flies to hawaii?

You see, by building him

Into exact height and weight specifications

And by placing him precisely

At the proper angle on the pad,

I feel the essential thrust of the rocket

Will be enough to send him

On a direct and unswerving azimuth to hawaii.

Oh. Did you hear that, gilligan?

My right ear heard it.

My left ear's waiting for the translation.

I merely said the dummy's all set to go.

Oh. You know, skipper,

I'm kind of worried about the dummy making the flight.

Oh, you don't have to worry about that.

The professor's got it all worked out.

The dummy will definitely fly to hawaii.

You think he's dressed right?

You know, it's the rainy season in honolulu.

Yes, I know, but I don't think he should--

Will you stop with that conversation?

Now, all I have to do is write this note,

Put it on the dummy, and we're all set to blast off.

Have a good trip, dummy.

Don't forget to write.

I'll pick it up.

Gilligan! Stop him!

I haven't finished the note!

Skipper!

Where's the dummy?

Oh, here it comes.

Aw, I was afraid of that.

The trip through the jungle and the water

Carrying the extra weight

Used up practically all the fuel.

What? You mean, we won't be able

To fly it to hawaii?

Afraid not.

Will the real dummy please stand up?

Well, professor?

Well, my original conclusion was correct.

After gilligan's little cruise around the lagoon,

There isn't nearly enough fuel left

For a flight to hawaii.

You know what you are?

You're bumbling, stupid, incompetent and useless,

And those are your good points.

You're right, skipper.

I deserve it.

Professor! Professor!

We--we heard the most marvelous news

On the radio, the newscast.

All of mr. Howell's stocks have gone up.

Uh, no, that's not the good news.

We heard that they'll be

A fleet of ships in the area tomorrow

To make a final search for the jet pack.

That's the good news.

Oh, what do you make of that, professor?

Well, it's a long sh*t, skipper,

But I've got an idea that may reduce the odds.

Can I help, professor? Please, gilligan.

I want to do something to make up for what I did.

Please, professor?

Gilligan, why don't you go take a flying leap?

That's it exactly, skipper.

That's the basis of my whole idea.

A flying leap. Huh?

All right. Listen.

There's enough fuel left in the jet pack

For about a -minute flight.

Now, suppose one of us were to put on the pack

And go straight up, while the ships were in the area.

That would improve our chances

Of being spotted immeasurably.

It certainly would. Well, that makes great sense.

Lovey: oh, professor, it's wonderful

Having someone like you with us.

You're absolutely marvelous.

If you were a republican, you'd be perfect.

The professor sure is taking a long time

To decide whether his plan's gonna work or not.

Oh, it will work, gilligan.

The professor's trying to decide

Who will get the assignment

Of strapping on the jet pack

And soaring up in the air.

Yeah, I guess that's it.

Well, I suggest to save time, we volunteer.

Anyone volunteer to go up feet?

Feet?

Anyone willing to put on my elevator shoes?

Well, professor?

Well, it'll work.

One of us can go up in the morning,

And the flight should be comparatively safe.

I knew it. Now, who will volunteer?

Mr. Howell, we can't pick our flyer

On a volunteer basis.

Well, why not?

Because no one wants to volunteer.

Well, that's not true. I am not afraid.

I would love to go.

Skipper: oh, come on, mr. Howell.

Oh, I'm sure mr. Howell is quite sincere.

But since the rise in altitude

Causes a loss of oxygen to the brain,

We're going to have to take a test

To determine which of us

Is least likely to become

Light-headed or dizzy.

Take me. Take me, professor.

I'd love to soar into the wild blue yonder. I would--

I get so dizzy on my tippy toes.

Oh, hold me, professor.

Time, mary ann.

Wow. I can hardly walk.

I haven't felt like this

Since I was elected president

Of the wine-tasting society.

Where's gilligan? Yeah?

Hi, everybody.

Is the ride over already?

That's too bad. I was just having fun.

Gilligan isn't even dizzy or light-headed.

That's because he's dizzy and light-headed all the time.

He's just used to it.

Gilligan, my boy, you've been selected

As our astronaut, fairly and squarely.

I have? Well, couldn't we take the test over again,

And this time, I'll cheat a little bit?

Whoa. Come on, gilligan.

You're about to begin your training as an astronaut.

Oh, professor. Do I have to?

Well, you're not afraid, are you?

Who me? Afraid? Me afraid? Me afraid.

, ...

Thurston?

Oh, yes, my dear?

This astronaut training

Is rather vigorous, isn't it?

Yes, it's hard to relax

With gilligan hanging about.

How's your drink, my dear?

Very nice, thank you.

Would you care for another one?

Oh, thank you, dear. This time,

Would you give me a little mint?

Which little mint would you prefer?

The one in denver or the one in san francisco?

Ha. That's a howell rich joke.

What's the count, mr. Howell?

The count?

Oh, of course, darling.

We were supposed to count his swings.

Oh, yes. Yes. Onesies...

Uh, now big--big twosies.

Never mind. What time is it, mrs. Howell?

Oh, dear. It's so hard to see

Without my lorgnette.

It's, uh, rubies past the diamond.

Well, I think he's had enough.

Let's let him down.

Are you all right, little buddy?

I think so, but I don't think

I was cut out to be a swinger.

Here's our astronaut, professor.

What's wrong with him?

Well, he's just so exhausted

From all the astronaut training

That he's sound asleep.

I'd better wake him up, huh?

Come on, gilligan. Wake up. Wake up.

Are you awake, little buddy?

Sure, skipper.

Ah, fine.

Well, let's get him into the jet pack

And onto the launching pad before he wakes up.

According to the last news flash,

The ships won't be in the area for another minutes.

All right. Let's get him up.

[Snoring]

Gilligan, little buddy. Gilligan.

Mmm?

Wake up. Rise and shine.

Hi, skipper. I was dreaming about

Wearing the jet pack and blasting off into space.

I'm gonna go back to sleep

And see how it turns out.

But that's no dream, gilligan.

You are gonna blast off in a jet pack.

I am? Yes.

I am. Oh, I'm getting out of here.

Oh, now wait a minute, gilligan.

We've got to get you up in the air

So those navy ships can spot you

And we can all get off the island.

Gilligan, I'm sending the radio up with you

So you'll know from the news flashes

Exactly when the ships are in the area,

And exactly when they've spotted you.

Good luck.

Professor, do I really have to?

All right, count down.

, ... Oh, professor,

I don't think we should leave this island.

, ... I really like it very much.

, ... Put your hand on it.

, ... I'm not going up.

I'm not going up. , ...

Good luck, gilligan! I'm not.

Blastoff!

I'm going up,

But I'm never gonna go up again! Oh!

Well, do you see him, professor?

There he is,

And he's at just the right altitude

For our ships to spot him.

It's not so bad up here.

In fact, it's kind of fun.

I'm a bird. I'm a plane. I'm supergilligan.

[Squawking]

That's the only way to fly.

Oh, won't it be wonderful

When those sailors pick us up, ginger?

It won't be the first time

It's happened to me, mary ann.

[Yawning] it shouldn't be too long now.

I'd better keep my ears open for the news.

Yeah. I'd better keep my eyes open, too.

Announcer: we interrupt this program

To bring you a bulletin from the pacific

Where our navy ships are searching

For a lost experimental jet pack.

This is chick hearn reporting to you

From the deck of the destroyer redwood,

And we have just sighted a ufo in this area.

A ufo? That's an unidentified flying object

From another planet. I wonder where it is? I wonder where it is?

Chick hearn: about miles south of hawaii.

Oh, that's right where I am.

Navy observers have not yet determined

Whether the ufo is friendly or unfriendly.

Well, I'm not waitin' to find out.

I'm gettin' out of here.

Chick hearn: ladies and gentlemen,

The ufo has just disappeared into a cloud bank.

Yeah. Good. As long as it's in the cloud, it'll never see me.

What's the matter with him, professor?

What's he doing?

Well, he's steered himself into a cumulus cloud.

Oh, no. If he's in a cloud,

Those ships won't be able to spot him.

Well, that's not the worst of it.

Oh, what do you mean, professor?

Well, now that he's flown into a cumulus cloud,

The exhaust from the jet fuel

Is bound to seed the water vapor,

And the result of that will be--

No! Rain!

Yeah. That's a reasonably accurate guess.

[Girls scream]

Gilligan!

Announcer: and so, as a result

Of the unexpected heavy rainstorm in the area,

The navy has decided to abandon their search for the lost jet pack.

That's the end of that.

And all because you dived into a cloud

And started the rain.

Yeah, but the radio said there was a ufo in the area,

And I was scared.

Gilligan, there was no need

For you to be frightened.

You were the ufo they spotted.

Huh? They saw you

Flying around up there, and they reported

An unidentified flying object.

Gilligan: me, a ufo?

Yeah, and you scared yourself

Right into ruining our chances

Of getting off the island.

Well, if I'm a ufo, I gotta know one thing.

What's that?

Am I from mars or venus?

Where do I come from?

It all depends on how far I have to chase you!

I figured out how to synthesize the jet fuel.

It was a simple matter to make enough for trips to hawaii.

Oh, boy, professor. How soon are we gonna try it?

Well, I've already filled the fuel tanks on the jet pack,

So once we build a new dummy, we could...

What's the matter?

The jet pack is gone.

Oh, professor. Oh, skipper, come quick.

What's the matter? Oh, it's gilligan.

He's put the jet pack on,

And he's gonna launch himself to hawaii.

Oh, no.

Oh, he thinks it's his fault

We weren't rescued the last time.

Come on, let's go.

Gilligan, wait!

Don't worry, professor. I haven't forgotten

One thing you told me about the jet pack.

Not one single, solitary thing.

Except to buckle it on.

Nice going, gilligan.

Skipper, give me a boost.

Yeah, certainly. Give you a boost?

I'll give you a boost.

♪ Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In the tropic island nest ♪

No phone... No lights...

♪ No motorcars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪