03x28 - The Pigeon

[bunniefuu]

♪ Just sit right back, and you'll hear a tale ♪

♪ A tale of a fateful trip ♪

♪ That started from this tropic port ♪

♪ Aboard this tiny ship ♪

♪ The mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪

♪ The skipper brave and sure ♪

♪ Passengers set sail that day for a -hour tour ♪

♪ A -hour tour ♪

[Thunder]

♪ The weather started getting rough ♪

♪ The tiny ship was tossed ♪

♪ If not for the courage of the fearless crew ♪

♪ The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost ♪

♪ The ship's aground on the shore of this ♪

♪ Uncharted desert isle ♪

♪ With gilligan ♪

♪ The skipper, too ♪

♪ The millionaire and his wife ♪

♪ The movie star ♪

♪ The professor and mary ann ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪

That storm last night sure saved us a lot of work, huh?

Yeah. Picking up coconuts like this is a snap.

Yeah. I sure do hate to climb those palm trees.

Uhh!

You don't have to climb up me, either, gilligan.

Sorry, skipper, let me help you up.

Thanks. Whoa! Unh!

Gilligan, why don't you go pick up coconuts somewhere else,

Or there's gonna be a storm around here

That's gonna shake everything loose,

Including you!

Aah!

He does it every time.

Phew! It's hot.

Skipper?

Help! Skipper!

Skipper.

Professor! Help!

Professor?

Help! Help! Somebody!

Gilligan, are you hurt?

What are you screaming about?

It's a pigeon.

Yes. He must have been blown off his course by the storm.

Look, it's a homing pigeon.

I hope his mother isn't waitin' up for him.

You know, homing pigeons are carrier pigeons.

All we have to do is tie a note to his leg

And send him home.

You think his mother will believe a note?

Gilligan, do you realize what this means?

Gilligan, what the professor's trying to say

Is we've just been saved.

We're gonna tie a note to this little pigeon

And, bless his little wings,

He's gonna fly it home for us airmail special delivery!

Airmail special delivery!

Isn't he beautiful?

I haven't been so glad to see a bird

Since the last turkey

I cooked for thanksgiving.

I can't believe it!

We're being rescued by a homing pigeon!

Richard burton would be more romantic,

But I guess you can't have everything.

My pigeon's gonna save us all.

Well, if he does I'm gonna put a statue of him in central park,

And he can sit on himself.

I think we oughta stop standing around just yakking.

Let's--let's write a note,

Pin it on him, and send him off.

Well, I'm afraid it's not going to be that simple, skipper.

This bird's been through a terrible ordeal in this storm.

He's lost a lot of feathers and a lot of weight.

Well, we could send him with a short note.

Gilligan, this bird's having trouble

Supporting his own weight now.

He's in no shape to fly.

Are you thinking of grounding him, sir?

Well, there's no alternative.

He'll never make it to the mainland

Unless we nurse him back to peak condition.

I'm putting this bird

On a special health food potion immediately.

There. All the vitamins and minerals

A pigeon requires to be strong and healthy,

And all in highly concentrated form.

I don't see any new feathers yet.

Gilligan, I just started using this potion.

Give it a chance.

I wish I could drink it and grow some feathers.

I always wanted to be a bird.

Well, that shouldn't be hard for you, little buddy.

You've got the brain for it.

That's it for this feeding.

How long is it gonna take to fatten him up

So he can take off?

Oh, not long, about weeks.

Weeks? Weeks?

Whole weeks.

We could all starve to death, waiting for that pigeon to shape up.

Hey, skipper, this mango pie that mary ann made is great.

You want another piece?

Well, yes, now that you mention it.

I think it's fattening.

Did ya have to add that?

Well, I can eat it because I'm skinny.

Well, I don't wanna hear another word about mango pie, do ya hear?

Not another word!

I bet the pigeon would even get fat from eatin' this stuff.

What did you say?

I didn't say mango pie, skipper.

I said, "this stuff."

I heard what you said, and you just gave me an idea.

This mango pie's just right for the pigeon.

But the professor's feedin' him that health potion.

Forget the professor! Why should we wait weeks

When I know how to fatten him up in a hurry?

I guess you're right, skipper.

When it comes to puttin' on weight,

You got a lot of experience under your belt.

[Whispering] all right, gilligan.

Give him the pie.

I can't.

Why can't you?

I don't have a fork.

Gilligan, birds don't eat with forks.

Now, give him the pie.

With my hand?

Yes, certainly with your hand.

But isn't that unsanitary?

Here! Give me that.

Come on, pidgie.

Start eating.

Oh, look at him go.

Yeah. A special treat from the old skipper himself.

Come on. Eat, pigeon. Eat.

That's right. Keep eating now

'Cause otherwise we're all dead ducks.

[Whispering] hi, pretty boy.

Oh...

Is your tummy-tum-tum empty?

Auntie ginger and auntie mary ann

Have something very good for a hungry little pidgie pie.

It's coconut milk,

And it's oh, so good for you.

Hey, look at the way he drinks that stuff.

You were right, mary ann.

You have to feed a growing bird

Just like you would a baby.

When he finishes, you can figure out how to burp him.

Poor thing probably hasn't had a decent meal in weeks.

Morning, mr. And mrs. Howell.

Morning.

Beautiful day, isn't it?

It's ideal flying weather!

Why, a pigeon could wake up on a morning like this

And feel like a new bird.

Well, you know the old saying--

"Birds of a feather gather no moss."

I wish the professor would wake up.

He sure is in for a big surprise.

I've had mine. Now it's your turn.

All: is that the pigeon?

That is the same pigeon

That flew on the island yesterday?

Somewhere beneath all that blubber,

Is a sleek, long-distance carrier pigeon.

He looks like he swallowed a basketball.

Mrs. Howell, someone has been feeding him

In the middle of the night.

Uh, ginger and I fed him a whole bowl of milk.

Well, it's good for babies.

Gilligan and I gave him a little bitty piece of pie.

Half a platter.

No wonder he was so thirsty.

And what about you, mr. Howell?

Surely, you're a member of this take-a-pigeon- to-lunch bunch.

Well, I'm afraid lovey and I outdid ourselves.

That bird devoured a meal fit for a king.

Henry viii.

He can't get off the ground now.

Professor, what can we do?

Well, this pigeon is going on a strict schedule

Of dieting and heavy exercise, and if we're lucky,

He might be able to get off the ground and fly in weeks.

Weeks? Weeks?

Do you think he's strong enough to fly home yet?

I don't know about him,

But if I have to keep this up much longer,

I'll be strong enough.

You've been practically living with that pigeon for weeks now.

Yeah. Walter and I are bird bosom buddies.

Walter?

That's what I named him.

How clever of you

To name him after walter pigeon, the movie star.

No. I named him after my best friend in grammar school--

Walter stuckmeyer.

He was pigeon-toed.

Come on, walter. Pick up the speed.

Come on, let's go. Come on, faster.

Come on.

Well, there he is.

Walter's fuselage is in perfect condition.

He's all revved up. Our rescue note is secure.

All systems are go.

[All cheering]

Does he have to go?

I was just beginning to love him.

Oh, gilligan, if walter gets to hawaii for us,

We'll build him a special cage,

Just for the two of you.

There he goes!

Oh, good-bye, walter!

Next stop, civilization!

Give my regards to broadway!

Come on. Come on. Come get it.

Come and get-- but don't shove, now.

Don't shove.

Well, where have you been, for heaven's sakes?

I was about to give you up for lost.

I'll bet you've got a girlfriend

Between here and old lady hawkins' house.

Well, let's see what the old lady has to say, huh?

You just go right in there.

Go. Go.

♪ Oh, lady, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

Mm-hmm.

"To whom it may concern...

"We are shipwrecked on a desert island

"Approximately miles southeast of hawaii.

"Please send help.

Passengers and crew of the minnow."

Huh!

Ha ha! That's funny.

That don't sound like old lady hawkins.

I didn't know the old girl

Had that kind of a sense of humor.

Shipwrecked.

She could've fooled me.

Shipwrecked.

Ok, loverboy, you just take it nice and easy

While I think up a reply.

"Dear shipwrecked..."

, , , .

They're all here, lovey.

Good, then gilligan can bring out my luggage.

Yeah. You're so right, dear.

Uh, gilligan--

I think I see a rescue plane,

And it's coming this way!

Well, is it a seaplane?

No, it's too small to be a seaplane.

Is it a helicopter?

No, no. It's too small to be a helicopter.

Well, well, well, is it a glider?

No, it's too small to be a glider.

Well, good heavens, what is it, my boy?

Oh, it's a pigeon. It's walter.

Walter? What's he doing back here on the island?

Good heavens, he's a dual-homer.

A dual-homer?

Does that mean he's a baseball player?

A dual-homer is a pigeon that flies between places.

Apparently, he's adopted the island as a second home!

Well, why did he fly back alone?

Yes. Where are the rescue planes?

Well, here's the message.

Which one of you is mrs. Hawkins?

Oh, gilligan, give me that.

"Dear mrs. Hawkins,

"I got your last message

"And enjoyed it very much.

"You almost had me fooled with that line

"About being a bunch of people stranded on an island.

"Keep the messages coming,

"I can use the laughs.

Signed, burtie, your homing pigeon pen pal."

Professor, he didn't believe your note.

Maybe your handwriting's like mrs.--You know.

Well, we're gonna have to start all over again.

Professor, do you mind if I write the next message?

I mean, after all, money talks,

And when money talks, people listen.

Lovey, get ready to take a message...

With lots of numbers.

"Dear mr. Burtie,

"I am offering you a million-dollar cash reward

"If you will help rescue lovey and myself

"And poor souls shipwrecked on this island.

"I'm enclosing our approximate position and a $ , bill

"As down payment for the reward.

Signed thurston howell iii."

Eh heh heh! A million dollars.

Million dollars. Eh heh heh!

Well, that old lady hawkins

Really turned out to be a live one.

A million dollars. Well...

We'll answer that.

"Dear mrs. Hawkins,

"Your last message was even funnier than the one before,

"But you didn't fool me.

"Everyone knows the millionaire thurston howell

"Went down in the pacific on the minnow.

Signed, burtie."

Yes, I know, but the thousand-dollar bill, the reward.

Certainly that must have convinced him.

"P.s.: I put the $ , bill you sent me to good use.

One of the pigeons is feathering her nest with it."

Oh, no.

He must have thought the bill's a phony.

Oh, I can't believe it.

Neither can i.

Can you imagine a pigeon trying

To wallpaper his nest with a $ , bill?

If there was some way to convince burtie

That we're really not kidding.

I've got it.

We'll send him a picture of all of us

Standing in front of the wreckage of the minnow.

That certainly would convince him.

Wonderful!

Where'd you leave the pigeon?

Back in the cave where it's cool.

Well, go get him, gilligan.

He's got one more message to deliver.

Yes, sir.

Hurry! Hurry!

Walter, this time you're gonna save us.

Nothing can stop us, absolutely nothing.

Except maybe a giant -foot spider?

Spider!

A spider! A spider! A spider!

There. Now that picture should do the trick, skipper.

Yeah. That should really convince our pen pal

That we are shipwrecked.

I wonder where gilligan is with that pigeon.

Skipper, professor! Skipper--

Gilligan!

Oh, eee! Ooh! Ooh!

Now, slow down, gilligan. What is it?

There's a giant spider in the cave.

It's the biggest, blackest, ickiest thing I ever saw.

Oh, gilligan, why must you alw--

You know that there are no giant spiders on the island.

Why do you always have to blow everything up out of proportion?

I didn't do that. The spider did it by himself.

Gilligan, where's the pigeon?

In the cave. Ew!

You left the pigeon in the cave?

Don't you know that that's gonna save our lives?

Yeah, I know that, but I also know

The spider's gonna take mine.

Come on, skipper. Let's take a look!

Ahh...

Well, I don't see any giant spider in here.

He was here a while ago.

Oh, come on, gilligan, you're just imagining things.

Well, there's the pigeon anyway.

Yeah. I'll get him, professor.

Oh! Oh! A spider!

A spider!

That's the biggest, blackest, ickiest thing I ever saw!

That's what I said.

Well, that's a black morning spider,

And its bite is deadly.

His hug wouldn't do you much good, either.

Let's get outta here!

Come on, gilligan.

Phew!

That's the strongest fruit punch I ever smelled.

Well, that's a very special kind of cider, gilligan.

Yeah. To make the spider drunk.

How about that? Spider cider.

Good old professor's spider cider--

Guaranteed to knock him off his feet, all of 'em.

Yeah. While he's sleeping it off,

We grab the pigeon and run.

Well, what if the spider won't drink out of these gourds?

Oh, don't worry about that.

We're gonna siphon out this turtle egg

And replace the yolk with spider cider.

Oh, boy, yeah! Spiders love turtle eggs.

He sure is in for a surprise omelet.

[Slurping]

Professor, I thought you said

That that cider would knock the spider out.

He's drained the egg and everything, and he's still standing.

Wait a minute.

He's beginning to stagger.

It looks like men having a tug-of-w*r.

He's getting so drunk,

He couldn't spin a straight web.

He's moving away from the cave.

I'll get walter.

Professor: oh, no.

Gilligan will be trapped.

Come on!

Ah!

Professor: get away from there.

Ah! Get away from there.

Get him, skipper.

Ah!

Get away from there!

Well, this trap should catch

At least one of the spider's legs.

Oh, it can't miss.

I once used it on an african safari.

I bagged trophies simultaneously.

Unfortunately, they were my native g*n bearers.

Professor, how are we gonna get the spider into the trap?

Why, we lead him to it with a trail of cider.

Oh, good thinking.

The old souse probably can't wait for another drink.

Be my guest, professor. There you are.

Watch it.

Careful.

Watch it. Watch it.

Watch your step, professor.

Don't get in the trap.

Whup!

There you are.

[Rahhh]

I think he's moving.

Quick! Into the bushes.

All right with me.

It's working, professor.

He's heading right for the trap.

Skipper! Professor!

I'm free! I'm free--oomph!

Oh!

Gilligan.

Gilligan, you've ruined my trap!

I didn't do myself much good, either.

Let's cut him down before the spider comes back.

I think we oughta leave him up there.

That way he'll be outta the way.

I wish you guys would make up your mind.

The suspension is k*lling me.

Uhh! [Thud]

Quick! Let's get the pigeon!

Walter, my boy, we've come to rescue you.

Yes. We hope you'll do the same for us.

The spider! The spider! He's comin' back!

Oh, no! Now we're all trapped.

Whoa! Whoa!

But it's true, mrs. Howell.

We heard the men calling.

They're all in the cave.

Oh, dear. Thurston always catches cold in a damp place.

We have to do something.

Well, what can we do?

We're just helpless females.

Tsk! Oh...

If that spider were a man,

I'd know what to do.

But he is a spider.

A pity we don't know a female spider.

I wouldn't know one if I saw one.

Say...

Maybe the spider

Wouldn't know the difference, either.

What are you thinking about?

The mirror.

Maybe the spider's never seen himself before.

It might just be love at first sight.

To the left, ladies. A little more to the left.

He's just seen himself.

[Mary ann gasps] what's he doing?

Oh! He's backing up into the cave!

Maybe he's bashful.

No. He's just playing hard-to-get.

Well, we've got to get him

And get him out of that cave.

Mush, ladies! Straight ahead!

What are they up to?

Why, the spider thinks he's looking

At another male spider.

He's afraid of himself!

That makes it unanimous.

But--but--but they're sending him the wrong way!

Girls! The other way!

Professor: turn him around, girls! Back him up!

Good work, girls!

Good work!

Yes! Now we can take the mirror

And push it up right to him and scare him!

I'll do it! I'll do it!

Oh! Ooh!

Gilligan!

The mirror!

Does that mean we'll have years bad luck?

I don't think we're gonna live that long!

Go away! Go! Go!

Go away! Please, go away! Leave us alone!

I'll give you pounds of flies smothered in hollandaise sauce.

Go away.

Get back! Get back!

All right, walter, you're gonna get outta here alive.

[Screeching]

Good old walter.

He really scared the spider away.

I should have thought of that.

Birds are a spider's deadliest enemy,

Even if the spider is gargantuan.

Or even if it's big.

Please, walter, do us just one more favor.

You just take that photograph

Right back to your master.

And we will dub you, "sir walter."

Don't stop to wink at any strange lady birds.

There he goes!

Oh!

Bye, walter!

Well, hello.

Let's see what mrs. Hawkins has to say this time.

Burtie, I got some great news for ya.

You're a free man.

Your parole just came through.

You mean it?

Oh, now, burt, I wouldn't kid you about a thing like that.

When do I get out?

Right now. The board says that you can leave right this minute.

Now? I'm free!

Oh! I'm free.

Free! Free! We're free! We're free!

And if I'm free, that means all of us are free.

Free as a bird!

Do you hear that, birds?

We're free.

Oh, I'm so nervous.

Out! You're free!

Go! Fly away!

Go! You're free!

Go! Go! Free! Free!

Uhh!

Mmm! Oh!

Burtie: we're free! We're free! We're free!

Free! Free! Ooh!

No plane, no rescue. Nothin'.

Well, poor walter.

I hope nothing bad happened to him.

Oh, I doubt it.

He probably flew off somewhere

And never delivered our message.

It's walter.

He's come back.

Yeah, and look, he's got a message.

Oh.

Here.

Here.

Oh, boy, let's see what it says.

Oh, it's a picture,

I think of the people who are gonna come rescue us!

Oh, good old walter! Good old walter!

Gilligan, how many people

Are gonna come rescue us?

People-- women and men,

And I think they're coming by boat because they're near some water.

Really? Let me see that picture, gilligan.

Yes, sir, women and --

Oh, no!

Gilligan, you dunce! This is a picture of us!

Huh?

Oh.

I thought we looked kind of familiar.

Oh, gilligan, why do you do it every time?

Every time!

Ah!

♪ Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪

♪ They're here for a long, long time ♪

♪ They'll have to make the best of things ♪

♪ It's an uphill climb ♪

♪ The first mate and his skipper, too ♪

♪ Will do their very best ♪

♪ To make the others comfortable ♪

♪ In their tropic island nest ♪

No phone... No light...

♪ No motor cars, not a single luxury ♪

♪ Like robinson crusoe ♪

♪ It's primitive as can be ♪

♪ So join us here each week, my friends ♪

♪ You're sure to get a smile ♪

♪ From stranded castaways ♪

♪ Here on gilligan's isle ♪