01x09 - The Moving Finger

[bunniefuu]

Hi there, Jeannie.

l thought you were still asleep.
l was gonna leave a note for you.

Here.

That will explain everything, okay?

'' Dear Jeannie, l saw no reason
to disturb you. l am going''--

Going away
on a business trip?!

'' Be a good genie.
We'll see you in day''--

Master, you must not go
on this journey without me.

You do not know what trouble
you will get into.

-Please, let me out of here, master.
-Jeannie.

Now, come on.
Come on, Jeannie.

Now stop that.

Jeannie. Jeannie.
Jeannie! Jeannie!

l think you're trying
to tell me something.

And l think l better listen.

You and l had better have a talk.

You are headed for disaster.

You were leaving without me.

l explained everything
in my note.

l was on my way to a--

-To a m*llitary mission.
-Where?

To a city called Hollywood,
in a place called California...

-...where they make moving pictures.
-Why must you go?

Because NASA has assigned me
as a technical director...

...for an astronaut movie that
Mammoth Studios is going to make.

You mean astronauts are going
to be in these moving pictures?

Yeah. That's right. Well, actually,
it stars Rita Mitchell.

Rita Mitchell
has had six husbands...

...and is looking
for her seventh.

Oh, you are going to need
all the help l can give you.

Say, that's a cute outfit.

-Where do you think you're going?
-l am going with thee.

l have never seen pictures
that move or a Rita Mitchell.

Well, it's really nothing much to see.

Besides, you've got your studying to
do, young lady. And that's important.

You got years
to catch up on.

Have you done your homework?

There are so many things
in your papers and books...

-...that l do not understand.
-Well, just take--

Take the red crayon and circle all
the things you don't understand...

...and l'll explain it all--
Explain everything to you.

Why can l not make red circles
in Hollywood?

Come on.

-Yes?
-Your car is here, captain.

Can l get your bags?

No, no, l'll take care
of my own bags.

-l'll see you in a moment, sergeant.
-Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Now, Jeannie. Now--

Hey, hey, hey, l got a good idea.
A very, very good idea.

Look, l'm gonna--

l'm gonna put my name
on this envelope.

And l'm gonna give you
the address of my hotel...

...in Hollywood, California...

...and anything you don't understand,
you just mail to me...

...and l will explain to you
by return mail. See?

As you wish, master.

l hope your journey
gives you much pleasure.

There are no pleasures
involved in this.

This is a m*llitary assignment
direct from Washington, D.C.

Now, you be a good girl.

Oh, l am going to be
a very good girl.

Thanks, Jeannie. Write often.

Thank you.

Here you are. Thanks.

Rita Mitchell, huh?

-Captain Nelson? A letter for you, sir.
-Oh, thanks.

Rita, or should l say,
Miss Mitchell...

...as your technical advisor...

...l want you to know
that no sacrifice is too great.

Master, what is Medicare?

Jeannie, what are you doing here?

Don't tell me. l know. l know.

You couldn't finish the article until
you knew what a Medicare was.

Thou art so clever.

Oh, God! lf there's anything
l can't stand, it's a smart-aleck genie.

lf l was so clever, l'd never have
opened your bottle on that beach.

Art thou really sorry?

No, l guess not. l've grown
accustomed to your smoke.

So that is Rita Mitchell.
She is beautiful.

'' Rita Mitchell's six husbands.
Who will be number seven?''

Yes?

Yes, this is Captain Nelson here.

Hello, Mr. Tracy.

Stage -A.

Right, l-- l can leave right away.
Right. Thank you.

That's the producer.
He's waiting at the studio.

-What will l do with you?
-Take me with you.

As what, a harem dancer?
This is business.

Meet thy new secretary.

l'm putting my foot down.
You are not gonna leave this room.

-l can't have you--
-We are late, master.

Pardon me, l'm Captain Nelson.
l have an appointment with Mr. Tracy.

Oh, yes, captain. Mr. Tracy is waiting
for you on stage -A.

You'll find it down this way.
To the left.

Thank you.

Charlie...

...l want you to make Rita Mitchell's
space suit look like a bikini.

Remember, the male eyes of America
expect to see her that way.

Well, Captain Nelson.

l see it didn't take you
long to get here.

l-- l--

l can't tell you how glad l am
to see you.

Thank you very much.
This is my secretary, Miss Jeannie.

-And what is your first name, my dear?
-Jeannie.

Oh, Jeannie Jeannie.

We haven't had one of those
around here since Simone Simon.

Now, our picture deals
with an American astronaut...

...named Thompson...

...who finds himself in a rather
interesting predicament...

...in as much as it has become
necessary to reduce him...

-...to the size of a pinhead.
-The size of a pinhead?

You see, captain...

...by reducing this little astronaut...

...it is now possible
to inject him...

...into the body
of a Russian astronaut.

Say, about the size of you.

Now, here we have an enlargement
of the astronaut.

Oh, he's cute.

Once inside
the Russian astronaut...

...the tiny American...

...works his way
slowly but torturously...

...through bone and marrow...

...into his very brain.

Even l cannot do that.

l bet you could.

She's got a sense of humour, huh?

Oh, yes. Yes, she's a million laughs.

What does he do-- The little astronaut.
--once he gets inside there?

-l hope he does not sneeze.
-Not a bad idea.

On second thought, negative.

lt might scatter the information
he's obtained.

Now-- Now we have
the little astronaut...

...inside the big astronaut...

...and he has obtained information
vital and necessary...

...to the defence of our country.

-Any questions?
-Yes.

How does the little astronaut
get out?

Good question.

How does he get out?

l'd better track down that writer
of ours, wherever he is.

l want you to know
that we have put...

...the best story minds
in Hollywood on this.

And we have spared no expense
in casting.

We've done our part.
Now you must do your part.

And what's that, sir?

Keep this picture believable.

Miss Mitchell,
ready on the set, please.

l want you to meet our lovely
astronaut, Miss Rita Mitchell.

Ready, Miss Mitchell.

Rita, darling, l want you
to meet our technical advisor...

...the famous
Captain Tony Thompson.

-Nelson.
-Oh, well, l'm impressed.

Henry, l never thought l'd get
to meet a real live astronaut.

Well, l never thought l'd get
to meet a real, live Rita Mitchell.

l'm giving a little cocktail party
tonight in your honour...

...at my house.

-Shall we say : ?
-Oh, : will be fine.

Good.

Well, and of course,
you're invited too.

Well, thank you.

lt will be a welcome change from
staying home alone with my bottle.

-They're ready for you, Miss Mitchell.
-Oh, yes.

Oh, there you are, darling.
Come in.

l am sorry we are late, but Captain
Nelson had much dictating to do.

Oh, well, we're going to make
him forget all of-- Come say hi to....

l'm three olives ahead of you.

This is Captain Nelson's secretary.

And l think maybe
l'm in the wrong business.

Maybe you're
in the wrong business.

lsn't she scrumptious?

This is Jeannie Jeannie.
A name worth repeating.

This is Hubie,
and this is Chris Daily.

How do you do?

Tell me, how long
have you been a secretary?

Since noon.

And where did you study
stenography?

Where did l study what?

l've always been
fascinated by space.

l'm a scientist at heart.

No kidding?
You don't look like one.

Don't laugh. l have a master's degree
in physics.

Really?

Maybe you're
in the wrong business.

Maybe you should think
of becoming an astronaut.

Jeannie.

You don't mind if l call you
Jeannie, do you?

You know, you ought to think...

...about becoming a movie star
like Rita Mitchell.

There aren't many girls
like you around.

-How did you know?
-Well, l--

You know, honey,
you're my kind of people.

The neck ring
fits onto the suit here...

...and the helmet
threads onto it.

And the unit is carried by hand.

Do you believe in fate?

Oh, yes.

l do too.

Oh, you and l are gonna make
beautiful musicals together.

Let's have a drink on that.

l can't offer you
the excitement...

...l'm sure you're used to
as an astronaut...

...but l do hope you'll let me
show you the real Hollywood.

That sounds exciting enough.

Good, then we'll start with lunch
tomorrow in Beverly Hills.

Beverly Hills. About : ?

Oh, boy!

Jeannie, you cut this out!

l'm not kidding,
this time you've gone too far!

Now, just knock it off!

You rained on me.
Go on, deny it.

Deny that you were
that rainstorm.

l refuse to answer on the grounds
that you might get angry.

Get angry?
l'd like to mail you home.

Your home, not mine.

You are going out again
with the woman of many husbands?

Yes, as a matter of fact, l am.

We're gonna have lunch
and discuss the picture.

And l don't want you
raining in my soup.

Master, if l were a movie star,
would you have lunch with me?

Sure. Sure. Any time.
l'll see you later. Goodbye.

Then l will have to become
a movie star.

l do not know how, but if it will
save him, then l must do it.

May l get down now, please?

Hold it. Don't move.
You could get hurt up there.

l'll let you down.

l wish you extras would quit
playing with our equipment.

-Who are you? You're not an extra.
-l am looking for Mr. Tracy.

-ls he here?
-Oh, is he expecting you?

Oh, no, l do not think so.

But last night he said l should
be a star like Rita Mitchell.

-Just like that, huh?
-Yes.

l would like to be a star by tonight,
if it is not too much trouble.

Oh, no, no. No trouble at all.

You know what she needs?
A screen test.

One screen test coming right up.

-What can you do?
-Do?

l can disappear.

She can disappear.

But not before l get your name
and phone number, sweetie.

Well, l can make myself into smoke.

Oh, no, no. Everybody does that.

-Do you have a scene ready?
-A scene?

A scene. Lines. Some dialogue.

Do you know
''The Face on the Barroom Floor''?

No.

But l can recite
The Rubáiyat of Omar Khayyám.

He would not mind.
He was a friend of mine.

-A friend of yours, huh?
-Oh, yes.

He used to try out
all his material on me.

He wrote poetry.

Oh, look.

How lovely. lt's just like home.

lt is empty.

lsn't she beautiful.

-lsn't she beautiful.
-Say, listen.

Why don't you recite some
of your friend's poetry for the test?

lf you so desire.

Action.

The Moving Finger writes
And, having writ, moves on

Nor all thy Piety nor Wit

Can lure it back
To cancel half a line

Nor all thy Tears wash out
A Word of it

And when, lik e her, oh, Sakí
You shall pass

Among the Guests
Star-scattered in the Grass

And in your joyous errand
Reach the spot

Where I made One--

Turn down an empty Glass

-Who is she?
-l'm sorry, Mr. Huberts.

l didn't know you came back
from lunch. l'll get rid of her.

Get rid of her?

l wanna test her.

Screen test? Jeannie,
they were putting you on.

-Putting me on what?
-l mean, they were teasing you.

You can't walk into a film studio
and get a screen test.

l did it for you.

Now l can please you
as much as Rita...

...because l'm going to be
a big star.

-Yeah, who said so?
-Jason Huberts.

He is a very nice man.
He is going to help me.

He's gonna help you what?

Oh, master.

ls it that you are jealous of him?

No, don't be ridiculous.
Of course l'm not jealous. l just--

l hate to see a nice genie like
you make a fool of yourself, that's all.

He makes
a very handsome caliph.

The last time
you got involved with a caliph...

...it cost you the best years
of your life.

l wish you would not speak to me
as though l were a child.

After all, l'm--
l'm older than you are.

Yeah, on a mere technicality.

Jeannie, l'm just telling these things
to you for your own good.

Just stay away
from that movie crowd, huh?

l've gotta go
and meet Miss Mitchell.

Oh, l was hoping that you would
come see my screen test.

Well, l can't.
The whole thing's ridiculous.

-Where is it showing?
-At the studio.

ln Mr. Tracy's projection room.

Well, l have another engagement.
l can't.

This had better be good, Hubie.

You're taking me away from--
Oh, hello, Jeannie.

-You're gonna love this kid, Henry.
-l can't wait.

All right, roll it.

Action.

The rose is pale and lifeless...

... compared to thy ruby lips.

Oh, mighty caliph...

... thine arms have such might,
they leave me weak.

The strength cometh
from my love.

Hold me.

What is this? What's the gag?

My desert siren.

When thou look est at me
this way...

... it seemeth as though thou wert
looking right through me.

All right, cut it. Cut it.

Who's the droll fellow that thought
this little stunt would be amusing?

-You, Hubie?
-Me?

l tell you, she was in that test.
She was brilliant.

lt must have been the cameraman
or special effects.

Dragging a busy man away
for this nonsense...

...when he's got little astronauts
to worry about.

Jeannie, l--

l don't know what happened,
but l'm terribly sorry.

Sorry.

Master, what--?
What are you doing here?

l came to see your screen test.

l did not know they could not
make pictures of me.

Jeannie....

Here.

lf there's anything l can't stand,
it's a crying genie.

You are being kind.

Do-- Do not bother with me.
You will be late for Rita Mitchell.

l cancelled that date.

l promise, l will not rain
on you anymore.

You what?

l cancelled that date.

Why?

Well, l was a little worried
about you.

Oh, master.

l cannot believe it.

You can't believe what?

l have taken thee away from
the biggest movie star in Hollywood.

Well, that's show biz.

Master, what is all this?

Oh, these are footprints
of Hollywood movie stars.

There's Clark Gable,
Wallace Beery, Eddie Cantor.

Master. Our visit here
was unforgettable too.

Yes, it was.

Then why do we not put our
footprints in the cement, huh?

Well, for one thing,
you can't do it that way.

The cement would have to be soft.