01x22 - How Lucky Can You Get?

[bunniefuu]

-Congratulations, Tony.
-Oh, thank you.

Hey, what for?

Congratulations, captain.

Yeah. What did l do?

Well, there you are, captain.

-Congratulations.
-Thank you, sir.

What's everybody
congratulating me for?

-You haven't heard the news?
-No, sir.

l just got in from Canada.
l don't know anything.

Then let me be the first
to tell you.

You and Captain Healey
are on the promotion list.

Major.

Well, how about that.

You'll be losing your railroad tracks.

Well, that's wonderful.

l'll bet you Roger's happy, huh?

How soon will you be
ready to take off?

Oh, right away, sir. Why?

General Peterson wants you
and Major Healey...

...to fly to Nellis Air Force Base...

...and then on to
Stead Air Force Base.

He wants you to do a few lectures
on winged spacecraft...

...at the advanced
fighter w*apon school there.

Oh, good. Good. l'd love that.

Give me a chance to see
buddies from Korea.

-l'll tell the general.
-Roger that.

Major?

Major.

l'm sorry, sir.

l have no desire to rake up
certain peculiar occurrences...

...but there are things
that a captain might do...

...that a major
definitely would not do.

-Do l make myself clear?
-Yes, sir.

Good.

Just so long as we
understand each other.

-Oh, thank you very much, doctor.
-My pleasure.

Major.

Good morning, master.

Jeannie, what are you
doing here?

l brought you this telegram.
l thought it might be important.

How about that.

lt's from one of the boys
in Washington congratulating me.

-l've been promoted to major.
-Oh, how wonderful.

What does it mean?

Oh, that means l've been
promoted to the next highest rank.

Oh, yeah. One of these days l'm
gonna be a lieutenant colonel...

...and, well, then l hope
to be a colonel.

What will happen
when you're a colonel?

Well, then l get to wear
birds on my shoulders.

-And this is what you wish?
-You bet.

You sure you would not
like to take me with you?

Well, Jeannie, if they ever
found out about you...

...they'd bust me to civilian.

Oh, that'll be Roger.

-Good morning, major.
-Good morning, major.

-l like the sound of that.
-So do l.

-You all ready for Nellie and Stead?
-Yup.

And who is Nellie?

Nellie's the nickname
for Nellis Air Force Base.

-Hi, Jeannie.
-Good morning, Major Healey.

The three of us
are gonna have a ball.

-The three of us?
-The two of us. Jeannie's not going.

-What did you say?
-l said Jeannie's not going.

You're kidding.

Peterson said when we finished...

-...we could have a few days leave.
-Yeah.

Stead is a couple miles from Reno.
You said we could hop over there.

Yeah, that's right.

And you're seriously thinking
of going to Reno without Jeannie?

Oh, no, no.
l'm not thinking about it.

l've already made up my mind.
Jeannie can't go.

l will not be in the way.

See? She will not be in the way.

You can't leave her here.

Ten minutes with her in the casino,
you'll come back a multimillionaire.

-l don't want to be a multimillionaire.
-How about a plain millionaire?

lf l wanted to be a millionaire,
l wouldn't have joined the Air Force.

Couldn't you become one for me?
l always wanted a millionaire friend.

You're just wasting your time.

You and l are going to Reno.
Jeannie is staying here.

Tell me something,

How did you ever pass
the Air Force intelligence test?

Jeannie, in.

l have never seen Reno.

ln.

Sure you would not like
to be a millionaire?

Have a nice journey.

Thank you.

l better go get my flight bag.
Take it easy.

Well, if you don't want to become
a millionaire, l can't force you to.

lt's your genie.

On the other hand,
l'm your buddy.

And if you should become
a millionaire...

...how mad at me could you get?

Jeannie.
Jeannie, can l talk to you?

Yes, Major Healey.

Would you really
like to go with us?

Oh, l would like to!

Welcome to Reno.

Roge, look, believe me,
l'm doing the right thing.

Jeannie, l'll be back in a few days.
l'll let you out then.

Oh, don't look so glum.

You'll feel better
once we get there.

l feel better already.

Easy with that.

l've got a few important
things in there.

-Nice place, huh?
-Yeah, yeah. Nice.

Got the feeling these will be
two of the luckiest days of our lives.

Oh, yeah?
What makes you think so?

Oh, just one of my crazy hunches.

Look, why don't you
go down to the casino?

l'll be right there.

No. l'm in no rush.
l'll wait for you.

Well, l tell you, l have to call a friend,
and it's kind of personal.

Oh, l see. l didn't know
you had a friend in Reno.

Well, she just got here.

-l'll see you downstairs.
-Yeah.

Look, here's $ .

Just bet it for me, huh?

Wait a minute.
You want me to bet $ for you?

That's right.
Bet it on anything you like.

No, Roger.
l won't accept the responsibility.

Oh, well, be my guest
and bet it all at once.

Let's be big about it, huh?

-Sure you know what you're doing?
-You bet.

Okay, if you're sure.
l'll see you downstairs.

-Downstairs.
-Downstairs.

Oh, l've got the feeling that $ ...

...is going to turn
into a little gold mine.

Jeannie, you can come out now.

Jeannie!

l must have lost her at Nellie.

My $ .

-Coming up.
-And seven, the loser.

All right, we have a new man
coming up real quick like.

Here you go.

-Beg your pardon?
-Make room for the major.

We have a new sh**t
coming up.

Get your bets down.
All bets down.

-l'd like to bet $ .
-Fifty dollars. Here you are, major.

Place your bet.
All right, we're coming out.

My money.
What did you do with my money?

-l just put on the line, Roge.
-All of it?

You bet the whole $ on one roll?

Well, l only did
what you told me to.

You listened to me?
You think money grows on trees?

l work hard for my money.

Snake eyes.
The line loses.

-You lost my $ .
-Sorry, Roge.

lt was your idea.

Why not just
throw it down a sewer?

Do me a favour,
while you're here...

...will you keep away from me?
You're bad luck.

-Fifty dollars....
-Roge, wait.

Are you betting, major?

Oh, no. No.

All right, here comes
another lucky roller.

-All right.
-We have a new lucky roller coming up.

Who's the next roller?
Here we go.

And seven, the loser.

Coming up.

ln.

All right. We have
a new sh**t coming up.

Get your bets down.
All bets down.

-Hey, l hit a jackpot.
-Congratulations, major.

Thank you. l've never played
one of these before.

Put another dollar in to clear
the jackpot off the machine.

-Hey!
-l'd better get another bucket.

Oh, another one!

l never had anything like this
happen to me!

Oh, Jeannie!

Money, money, money.

Money, money, money.
Oh, you did it.

Oh, hi, Roge.
All right, miss. l think that's enough.

-You're not gonna quit now!
-Yeah, l'm gonna quit now.

l'll have one of the boys
help you and bring your receipt.

-Oh, thank you. And this is for you.
-Yeah.

Let's get back
to the crap table, huh?

lt's such a nice day.
l think l'll go for a swim.

Oh, you can't afford
to go swimming!

Come with me, and l'll buy you
your own swimming pool.

-Are you feeling all right?
-Never felt better in my life!

Now, wait a minute.
l really don't feel like gambling.

Well, do it for me.

-l thought you said l was bad luck.
-Did l say that?

Well, you're my rabbit's foot.

l wouldn't make a move without you.

Place your bets.

We have another
lucky sh**t coming up!

-Are you betting, major?
-No, no--

Of course he is. Here's $ .
Play it right on the line.

Fifty dollars? Wait a minute.

-Last time we went through this--
-lt's not enough.

-Make it on the line.
-A hundred dollars?

Don't keep the man waiting.

-We're coming out for a point.
-All right.

Snake eyes. The line loses.

l'm sorry, Roge. l'm sorry.

Don't talk to me, you Jonah.

All right, who's
the next lucky roller?

We're coming out
for another point. Here we go.

Roger, l'm very sorry
l lost all that money.

Oh, forget it.

What's $ of my money to you?

You're the last
of the big spenders.

Now, wait a minute.
l didn't want to bet your money.

-You forced it on me.
-Don't you know how to say no?

-Do me a favour. Go for a swim.
-All right. And you do me a favour.

-Don't ask me to bet your money.
-Don't worry, l won't.

-Would you like something?
-Yeah. l'd like another genie.

Why didn't you tell me
your powers wouldn't work on dice?

-But it does.
-Are you kidding?

Those dice came up snake eyes.

l know. Did it not please you?

Please me?
You know, you cost me --

Wait a minute.

You mean, you tried to roll
those dice snake eyes?

Well, of course.

Oh, Jeannie.
Can you make them roll seven?

Yes.

-And ?
-Yes.

Oh, Jeannie, don't go away.
l'll be right back.

Oh, there you are, buddy.
l've been looking all over for you.

The name is Jonah, remember?

Jonah? Oh, you're my
good luck charm.

Look, here's $ .

-l'd like you to go and bet it for me.
-Forget it.

-Wait, where are you going?
-l'm going swimming.

Swimming?
lt's freezing out there.

What are you talking about?
lt must be degrees.

Oh, at least , .

Look, l'm not gonna let a buddy
of mine get sunstroke. No, siree.

You get dressed, and we'll go
down to the casino.

No, thank you.

The last of the big spenders
is going swimming.

Can't you take a joke?

Well, l don't know.
l haven't heard it yet.

Look, you think losing a couple dollars
means anything to me?

l was only putting you on.

Why don't we go
down to the casino, huh?

-Well, l got a better idea.
-What?

Put on your trunks,
and we'll go swimming?

l met a couple young ladies,
attractive and willing to have dinner.

Girls? ls that all you can
think about is girls?

Well, look who's talking.

You got the fattest little
black book l've ever seen.

That was the old Roger Healey.
We can get girls anytime.

-How often do we come to Reno?
-Too often.

Yeah. Yeah, l....

You're right. l'm-- l'm sorry.

Oh, look, why don't you go ahead
and have a good time.

Don't worry about me, l....

Roger.

Roger, is something
troubling you?

No, no. l'm fine, l'm fine.

You run along and have fun.

Now, how am l gonna have any fun
when you're acting like this?

l knew l could count on you.
We've been buddies a long time.

-We've been through a lot together.
-Most of it today.

Look, l don't ask too many
favours of you...

...but l'm gonna ask you
for one right now.

-What is it?
-Don't go swimming.

What kind of a favour is that?

Well, if l go down
to that casino by myself...

...l'm liable to get in trouble.

l never told you this before,
but l'm a compulsive gambler.

Roge, l never knew that
about you.

l had my own
floating crap game...

...when l was six years old.

Tony...

...would you go down
and bet this for me?

You sure you know
what you're saying?

-You want me to bet this $ worth?
-That's right.

-And if l should lose it?
-l'll laugh.

Roge, do me a favour.

When we get back
to Cape Kennedy...

...l want you to have a long talk
with Dr. Bellows.

Anything you say.
Look, you get dressed.

l'll meet you down
at the casino, huh?

Thank you, sir.

Oh, see what he gave me.

Never mind that.

Look, now remember
what l told you, okay?

Here he comes.
You better keep out of sight.

lf he finds you here,
he'll k*ll both of us.

Oh, there you are.
Oh, l knew l could count on you.

l almost changed my mind.
l still think this is a mistake, Roger.

Now look, don't worry about a thing.
Here's $ . Bet it on anything you like.

Are you sure you're feeling
all right? This is your $ .

-l can bet it on anything?
-That's what l said.

-And if l lose, you'll--?
-l'll laugh.

All right.

Just sit right here, lucky.

-Fifty dollars, please.
-Fifty?

You heard the man.

Here we go this time.

Blackjack. House wins.

You know what you just did?
You just lost my $ .

Stay right here.
l've got to see a friend of mine.

Yeah. Wait a minute. Roger!

-Major.
-Yeah?

-Are you in, major?
-No. No, thanks. l don't gamble.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Would you like a drink?

l can't afford it.
You're breaking me.

Are you working for your master
or for the house?

-Did it not go well?
-That's right, it did not go well.

Oh, l am sorry.

But l do not understand this
strange game my master is playing.

Well, you don't understand--

How stupid can l get!

Perhaps my master is right.
l think l will go home now.

Oh, you can't go home now.
We're on the verge of being rich.

Stay here.
l'll get him to the crap table.

Remember, seven, .
Got it?

l have.

Oh, l've been waiting
for this moment all my life.

Coming up.

Take him into my office.

Now, what was that all about?

We caught him trying
to cheat at the crap table.

-Do many people try that?
-Only once, major.

Oh, l see. l see.

What will happen to him?

Oh, let us just say that
the guards will take care of him.

Yeah. Let's just say that.

Are you having any luck
at the tables?

No, no, no.

l'm just placing a few bets
for a friend of mine.

-l'm not much of a gambler.
-Well, enjoy yourself.

l've got to go
take care of someone.

l thought l lost you.
Don't scare me like that.

-Yeah, where are we going?
-To the crap table.

No, no. You really are
a compulsive gambler, aren't you?

You know how it is.
Easy come, easy go.

And seven, the line loses.

Here we are. Excuse me.

Well let's sh**t the works, huh?

-What's the matter?
-All l've got is a dollar.

Look, Tony,
do me a favour, will you?

Lend me $ ,
l'll give it right back.

A thousand dollars?

-Five hundred?
-No.

-Two fifty.
-Stop it, Roge.

-A hundred.
-Haven't you gambled enough?

-Fifty.
-l'll bet your dollar.

We have a new sh**t.
He's coming out for a point.

Coming up.

Seven, the winner. Pay the line.

Here's your two dollars.
Let's go.

You can't go. Leave it.
Leave it on the line.

All right, coming out
for a point again.

Eleven, the winner. Pay the line.

Okay, that's enough.

Oh, leave it.
Leave it. Leave it.

All right. Coming out
for another number.

Here we go.

Number seven, the winner.
Pay the line.

l knew this was my lucky day.

Just leave it all on the line.

Hey, Tony. Why don't you
put some of your money down?

Because l don't like to gamble.
l'm doing this as a favour to you.

And what a favour.

l'll never forget you for this.

All right. We're coming
out for another number.

Number seven, the winner.
Pay the line.

-We won.
-We're hot.

Oh, boy!
Oh, look at all the chips.

Look at all these chips.

Leave them all.
Leave them all.

All right, here we go again
for another lucky number.

Roll the dice.

Did you just see
what those dice did?

Seven, the winner.
Pay the line.

-Money, money, money.
-Roger, calm down.

-Calm down?
-Roger, you got a lot of money.

-Why don't you pull some of it back?
-Oh, are you kidding?

Bet-a-Million Healey, they call me.
Put it all on the line.

l hope you know what you're doing.
This can't go on forever.

Who said so?

All right, we're coming out
for a point.

Seven, the winner.
Pay the line.

-What's going on here?
-They're our dice.

-Give him another pair.
-All right, folks.

Here comes
the next lucky roll.

Here you go.
We're looking for a point.

Seven, the winner.
Pay the line.

You see that?
Did you see that, huh?

Keep rolling!
You've got the golden touch!

You're making a spectacle of yourself.

Millionaires don't make
spectacles of themselves.

They're eccentric!

All right, we're coming
out for a point.

Here we go.

-Calm down.
-Settle down.

Right out for a point now.

Seven, the winner.
Pay the line.

We're winning!
We're all winning!

Thank you very much.
We're all winning!

-Thank you.
-Just a minute.

-Now, wait a minute.
-Just a minute.

Oh, sorry, Mr. Phillips.

What's the matter?
You a sore loser or something?

l thought you didn't
like gambling, major.

l don't. l'm just
doing it for my friend.

Yeah. A millionaire friend.

Something wrong with the dice?

There had better not be.

-l don't like your--
-sh**t, major.

Yeah! sh**t the works!

The works.

All right, l'm tired of
sevens and elevens, anyway.

Oh, don't say that!
Bite your tongue!

Number...

Two sevens.

He rolled a .

Bring him out.

Now, wait a minute. Now, wait.

Wait a minute.
Hi, Jeannie.

Jeannie! Now, wait!

And if you're interested
in miracles...

...it's a miracle we weren't arrested.

Now, Jeannie, l ask you
not to go to Reno.

l've never been
so embarrassed in my life.

-l was only trying to help--
-Help me. Yeah, l know. l know.

l get into most of my trouble
when you're trying to be helpful.

-What was your excuse, major?
-l'm greedy.

Well, l hope you both
learned a lesson from this.

Well, l certainly
learned my lesson, Tony.

So have l, master.

l will not try to help
with the dice again.

l am much better
with horseraces.

Horseraces? Really?

Oh, yes.
l can make any horse win.

The track opened yesterday.
The three of us could have a ball--

Wonderful idea.
You really like horseraces?

Oh, do l.

-You positive?
-Oh, you bet l am.

Well, how about that?
Jeannie?