01x28 - This Is m*rder

[bunniefuu]

You sent for me, sir?

Yes, Major Nelson.
l have an assignment for you.

An assignment? l'm already working
on the ballistic-control simulator.

Well, for the next few days,
you're gonna be working on this.

Well, well, well. She's a lot prettier
than a ballistic-control simulator.

-l don't understand.
-l'm gonna explain it to you.

The Princess Tarji is the daughter
of the sultan of Pakuait.

The U.S. is anxious to make a deal
for a satellite-tracking station there.

The princess is on her way
for her first trip to America...

...and the sultan
has indicated to us...

...that it would please him
if we saw to it...

...that she had a good time
while she was here.

Naturally, we want to please him.
Do you follow me, major?

Yes, sir. l think l'm ahead of you,
as a matter of fact. Why me?

Now, that's exactly what l said
to General Peterson. Why you?

But he feels you're the man for the job
and General Peterson...

-...is not to be argued with.
-Yes, l know.

However, if you prefer not to show
the princess around while she's here...

...l'll be happy to tell Peterson that.

Oh, no, no, no.
That won't be necessary, sir.

l'd be very happy
to show her around.

How long is she gonna be here?

Three days.
She arrives this afternoon.

That won't give me
much time, will it?

-Time for what?
-Just work, sir.

l can clear it up. lt's nothing.

Good. Here is a dossier
on the princess and her family.

lt will give you their background.

Thank you, sir.

-Oh, major.
-Yes?

lf anything goes wrong...

...you couldn't pay me
to be in your shoes.

Hi, Jeannie.

Hello, master.
l am ready to go to lunch with you.

Oh, l don't think l can make
lunch this afternoon, Jeannie.

Something very important
has come up.

Very well. l will see you
at dinner tonight, then.

l don't think l can make
dinner, either.

There's someone important
arriving in town...

...and l have to show
this person around.

''This person''?

Jeannie, let's get it out
in the open.

Now, this-- This person
l'm gonna show around is a girl.

A very pretty girl. A princess.
This is official business.

l don't want you to get jealous
and cause trouble.

Oh, of course l will not, master.

-l understand you must obey orders.
-Really?

ln fact, l will do everything l can
to help you.

lf you wish,
l will help you entertain her.

Well, that-- That's wonderful
of you, Jeannie.

l can arrange a lovely party.

Really?
Well, that's a marvellous idea.

l can sing for her.
l will dance for her. l will--

k*ll her!

-What did you say?
-l said, l will k*ll her.

What are you talking about?

-ls this not Princess Tarji of Pakuait?
-Yes, yes.

Three thousand years ago,
her family insulted my family...

...and since then,
we have been blood enemies.

Jeannie, that was years ago.

lt does not matter.
l have taken an oath to k*ll her.

Now, Jeannie,
you can't k*ll the princess...

...because of a feud
that started years ago.

Oh, yes, l can.

ln my family history it is written...

...that her ancestor cheated
my ancestor out of his business...

...and stole his camels
and his wives.

And our families have sworn
to destroy each other.

Jeannie, this is not
the Hatfields and the McCoys.

Let bygones be bygones.

Oh, l'm sorry, master,
but l have no choice.

And if you cared anything for me,
you'd help me avenge this insult.

l won't let you go through with this.

Now, let's see. What shall l use?

-g*ns are so noisy.
-Oh, terribly.

-Poison is good.
-No. Oh, no. Messy, very messy.

Then there's the Kn*fe
or the noose.

Jeannie, l'm-- You're not really
gonna go through with this.

Well, l must go prepare
for her, master.

l will be back.

Jeannie!

Jeannie!

Thank heavens l caught you, sir.

-ls anything wrong?
-You gotta stop that plane.

-Stop what plane?
-The one the princess is on.

She mustn't be allowed
to come into the country.

She mustn't be allowed
to come into the county.

l can't tell you
how important it is, sir.

lf she comes to Cocoa Beach,
it could mean w*r.

Major...

...you've never met
the princess, have you?

No, no, l haven't.
And l don't want to.

You've got to keep her away
from here.

You wouldn't care to
explain why, would you?

Well, it's rather a long story.

Oh, l have plenty of time.

Well, you see, about
years ago, one of her ancestors...

...stole some camels
and some wives--

We really haven't time
to go into this.

Could you have the plane
turned around?

Oh, yes. Of course.
l'll certainly do that.

Thank you.
l knew l could count on you.

Dr. Bellows here.

Tell General Peterson
l'm on my way to see him.

-w*r?
-That's what Major Nelson said, general.

Now, why would he say
a thing like that?

lf l knew why Major Nelson
says any of the things he does...

...l'd be the happiest man alive.

When l asked him to take
the princess out, he agreed.

Then he came back minutes later...

...and begged me not to allow
her plane to land.

Are you sure about this, doctor?

l'm positive, sir.

For some unknown reason...

...Major Nelson's insisting that
we keep the princess out of America.

Let's go see him.

lt's stuck.

Well, l don't know, sergeant.

l don't know anything
about typewriters.

Just-- Just call Maintenance,
will you?

Tony. What's this l hear
about you...

...escorting a real,
live princess around?

-A real dead princess.
-A real dead princess?

lf the princess shows up,
Jeannie's gonna k*ll her.

Well, why would she wanna do
a thing like that?

lt's too complicated to go into.

l asked Bellows if he could stop her
from coming into the country...

...but l don't know
if he's gonna be able to.

l've gotta get Jeannie out of the way
for the next three days.

Tony, did l ever tell you
you lead a very interesting life?

Master, l have decided.

She is going to die
by the death of knives!

Please, Jeannie. Not before lunch.

Jeannie, there's been
a change in plans.

-The princess is not coming.
-She's not coming?

No, no, l talked to Dr. Bellows
and she's just not coming.

But l have everything ready for her.

That's a shame.
She has everything ready--

Roger.

She may be here
next year, though.

Well, l have waited years.

l suppose another year
will not matter.

That's perfect.

Jeannie, would you do me a favour?

Oh, anything, master.

-l've thought about what you said.
-What?

About my not using all your powers.

And you want to start
using them now?

-Yes, l've been wasting your talents.
-l'll say.

What would you like, master?

Well, let's go all out.
How about a castle in Bavaria?

-That's a good start.
-Castle.

And a villa on the French Riviera.

-Yeah.
-Villa.

A ski chalet in Bermuda.

Ski chalet in Bermuda--

But there is no snow
in Bermuda, master.

There will be when you're
through with it, won't there be?

Oh, of course, master.
But it will take a little time.

How long?

A whole day?

-How about a yacht?
-Yacht.

ln the Gobi-- Gobi Desert.

But there is no water
in the Gobi Desert, master.

-How long would that take?
-Well, at least another day.

Well, that's two days. Let me see.

-A pineapple plantation.
-Oh, that is easy.

ln Alaska.

Well, l'm afraid that will
take another day, master.

Yeah. Three days.
How soon could you start?

Oh, right away.

Master, you do not know how long
l've waited to do this for you.

-l will be back in three days.
-Take your time.

You know something, Tony.

That's the first time
l've ever seen the real you.

-What are you talking about?
-What am l talking about?

A yacht in the Gobi Desert?

A pineapple plantation in Alaska?

You thought l was greedy when
l asked her to furnish my apartment.

You didn't think l really
wanted those things, did you?

-Well, didn't you?
-Well, of course not.

That was just to get her
out of the way.

You had me worried there
for a minute.

l thought my buddy had turned into
a sensible, materialistic hog.

-You know me better than that.
-Yeah. l--

Boy, is that a load off my mind.

Just wondering
if you would do me a favour.

Sure. Anything you want.

Well, l was thinking, since you won't
be wanting those things, if l--

Roger.

Well, l was just kidding.

-Say hello to the princess for me.
-Okay.

-Excuse me.
-General. Doctor.

Tony, l wanna talk to you.

Well, l wanna talk to you too, sir.

How soon can you get
the princess here?

How soon can l what?

The sooner she gets here,
the better.

-The sooner she gets here, the better.
-Yes.

Well, the weather's beautiful and
l wanna devote the next three days...

...to seeing that
she has a wonderful time.

l can't wait till she gets here.

Dr. Bellows.

Yes, sir.

He's done it to me again.

Oh, l'm Tony Nelson.

You are expected, Major Nelson.

-Please, come in.
-Thank you.

l am Turhan...

-...Her Highness' secretary.
-How do you do?

-Did you have a nice flight?
-Yes, thank you.

Your Highness,
may l present Major Nelson.

l am a great admirer of yours, major.

Well, l thank you. Thank you. l--

l didn't expect you to be dressed--

l expected more veils.

You mean this?

We are quite emancipated
in my country.

-Please.
-Thank you. Well, l'm glad to hear that.

-l feel we are old friends.
-Really?

When you were in orbit...

...l watched you sailing high
in the sky over my country.

And when l was asleep and l knew that
you were due to appear...

...l had them wake me up.

Well, l'm very flattered.

And when you walked in space....

l admire a man who is not afraid
to explore new frontiers.

That is the reason why l was
so eager to see Cocoa Beach.

Well, l'll try to see that you don't
miss anything, princess.

Tarji.

Tarji.

Cancel all my other
appointments, Turhan.

You do not mind, do you?

Oh, no, no.

l'm all yours
until midnight Wednesday.

Oh? And what happens
at midnight Wednesday?

One of us turns into a pumpkin.

Pumpkin?

You Americans!

-l'll race you to the end of the pool.
-All right.

Come on, come on, come on.

-l got--
-Let me help you.

-Thank you.
-How's that?

Oh, great.

lt's so lovely out here.
Can we stay here all day?

-Sure. Why not?
-Oh, wonderful.

-Come on. Let's get out of here.
-Why?

Come on.

Are you coming here often, Tony?

No. No, l've never been
here before.

Oh, l'm glad.

Well, l'm hungry.
Let's see what we have here.

Very nice.
How about a little mood music?

We interrupt this program to
bring you a special news bulletin.

A freak rainstorm has hit
the Gobi Desert.

Streams and lak es
are appearing in the sand.

Meteorologists are puzzled.

-Tarji, do me a favour?
-Of course.

Eat fast.

These past three days
have been wonderful, Tony.

l've enjoyed them myself.

l'll hate to go back home.

-Yes. Now, you must go back home.
-What?

Well, your-- Your--
Your people will miss you.

l know l certainly would.

Would you?

Of course.

Will you come and visit me
in my country, Tony?

Well, it's.... lt's possible.

-You never know, do you?
-l'll make it certain.

l'll have my father
request you from NASA.

No, no. l wouldn't do that
if l were you.

-You do not want to see me?
-Oh, l do, l do, very much.

But, well, l'd rather surprise you.

You and my father would
like each other.

Yes, l'm sure we would.

He's on television tonight.
Addressing the United Nations.

-May we watch him?
-Of course.

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt
the session at the United Nations...

... to bring you
this special news bulletin.

The state of Alaska has just
been hit by a sudden heat wave.

Temperatures in the snow-capped
mountains have reached degrees.

Scientists are investigating
atomic fallout...

...as the possible cause.

She's ahead of schedule.

l'm afraid you'll have to
watch your father some other time.

l'm gonna take you back
to your hotel.

My hotel? But it's too early.

Believe me, it's later than you think.
lt's midnight.

My watch says : .

Oh, well, it's a different time zone.
l'll get your wrap.

-l am back, master.
-Oh, good, good.

-Oh, master, l had such fun.
-l'm happy about it.

You will love your ski chalet
in Bermuda.

-The island is covered with snow.
-Covered with snow, huh?

Wait till you see your yacht
in the Gobi Desert.

-Yeah?
-Oh, it's feet long.

A -foot-long yacht.

l brought something back
for you, master.

That is from your own
pineapple plantation in Alaska.

Did you say my own
pineapple plantation?

Well, what is the matter?

Well, Jeannie, l wanted
a cotton plantation.

Oh, but l distinctly heard you
say '' pineapple''--

No, really. l'm allergic to pineapple.
l'd never have said that.

Now you just hop back to the Yukon
or wherever it is that you go and--

No, really. l know l said--

What is the princess
doing here?

Princess? Wha--? What--? Wha--?

You tricked me!

Jeannie, now, take it easy, please.

Of course you did not want
a pineapple plantation...

...or a ski chalet in Bermuda
or a yacht in the Gobi Desert.

That's not true.
l wanted a yacht in the Gobi Desert--

Ever since l was a little kid--

All you wanted to do
was to get rid of me.

Now, that is not-- l--

Why would l wanna
get rid of you?

So you could be alone
with the princess. My sworn enemy.

Now, Jeannie, really,
l'm not kidding.

Don't do anything
you're gonna be sorry for.

And l was so proud of doing
these things for you.

You have no idea
of the trouble l went to.

l-- Jeannie, l can explain this.

Now, l don't blame you
for being angry.

That is the real you!

l am out working
my power to the bone...

...and you are here with that--
That-- That--

Now, would you stop doing that?

Jeannie, what are you
so angry about, anyway, huh?

Have you ever tried to flood
the Gobi Desert?

No, l must admit, l never have.

l know it must be terribly difficult,
but l can't let you harm the princess.

l have sworn an oath to k*ll her.

Okay, okay.

Just do me one favour, will you?

No, l have done you
enough favours for three days.

Let her say goodbye
to her adopted father.

Well, l do not see why l should let her
say goodbye to anyone, whether--

-Adopted father?
-Yes, she was just a little orphan...

...when the sultan took her
into the palace.

You mean she is not
of the royal blood?

No, l guess not.

Well, then l do not have to k*ll her.

Well, Jeannie, you're wonderful.

Oh, master, why did you not
tell me this sooner?

l didn't think of it--
Didn't think it was important.

Oh, master, and l had such
terrible things planned for her.

-Yeah.
-l must go and apologize to her.

No, no, that won't be necessary.
l'll do it for you.

You just hop back to Alaska.

l would feel better
if l did it myself.

No. l-- l really don't think--
l don't want you--

Come back.

l am very happy to meet you.

-Who are you?
-This is an old, old friend of mine.

Jeannie, this is Princess Tarji.

-How do you do?
-Oh, l want to apologize to you.

l told you that wasn't necessary.

You better get going.
You got a million things to do.

Apologize? For what?

And you have to get
to your hotel and pack.

You're leaving in the morning.

l have been thinking
wicked thoughts about you.

lf she misses this plane,
it'll be hard to get another.

-There's a storm coming.
-What kind of wicked thoughts?

Oh, boy, what a storm is coming.

l thought you were a real princess.

No. Actually, l didn't mean that.

l did not know you were adopted.

-Adopted?
-Yes.

Well, Major Nelson
explained to me.

lt is nothing to be ashamed of.

Major Nelson explained to me
how you were a poor orphan...

...taken in by the royal family.

Yeah, well--

lf someone was taken in,
it wasn't l.

l don't know why
you have cast this--

This slur on my family,
Major Nelson.

But l promise you,
you will regret it.

Jeannie--

Jeannie, you know
what you've done?

The tracking-station deal
with Pakuait's in real trouble.

That is not the only thing
that is in trouble.

Wait. lf you think you're gonna do
that again, you're making a mistake.

You're making a mistake.
You're making a mistake.

You're making a mistake!

Tony!

Tony?

Over here. ln the cage.

What are you doing in the cage?

What do you think
l'm doing in the cage?

Boy, you sure make
a terrible-looking parrot.

Listen, l haven't had breakfast yet.
Do you have a cup of coffee around?

Will you do something about me?

l'm sorry.

Tony want a cr*cker?

Boy, you sure have
a great sense of humour.

l think you looked better
the other way.

-Jeannie, where you been?
-l have been with the princess.

You k*lled her.

Of course l have not
k*lled her, master.

l intended to, but when l went to
her hotel room, she was so nice that...

...well, l decided that
our family feud was silly.

Oh, thank heavens.

The princess and l have
something in common, master.

-The Middle East.
-You.

She's very fond of you.

She said to tell you
that she will make sure...

...the tracking-station deal
is signed.

How about that?

Jeannie, l don't know
how to thank you.

Oh, l will think of something.

Think of something for me.
l'd love to see that parrot trick again.

You looked so funny. So funny.
The parrot!

-With those feathers!
-Yeah.

Very funny! Very funny!

Get me out of this!