02x12 - How Do You b*at Superman?

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, master.
I am sorry. I must have overslept.

Good morning, Jeannie.

You made breakfast all by yourself.
Oh, how clever of you.

Help yourself.

- Is there any mail for me?
- Who'd be writing to you?

Oh, Omar Khayyàm, Julius Caesar.

No, I'm sorry.
It seems to be all for me.

Here's a reminder about
the television show tomorrow night.

What show is that, master?

Once a year American Air Force bases
all over the world put on a talent show.

They pick a contestant
from each base.

That sounds exciting.

They're gonna beam the show
on Telstar.

They'll have someone broadcasting
from Alaska and Hawaii...

...and here at Cape Kennedy.
The winner gets a trophy.

Good. We will put it on the mantel.
What are you going to do?

I'm gonna sit in the audience
and applaud.

But you must be in the contest.

- Well, what would I do?
- Well, does it matter?

- Well, yeah, a little.
- Well, you can do anything.

No, no, Jeannie.
You can do anything. And don't.

But the mantel needs a trophy.

Blink one in.
I'm not gonna be in that contest.

I know you can sing.

- Have you ever heard me sing?
- Oh, yes. You have a beautiful voice.

- Come on, Jeannie.
- Sing something, master.

- Come on. No, no.
- Please, please.

Sing something from the opera
we saw last night.

What, Rigoletto? Really?

Okay, why not.

Yeah, well, that's it.

- Oh, that's beautiful, master.
- Yeah?

- Sing something else, please.
- All right, why don't I try a light scale.

- Did you see that?
- Saw it, but I don't believe it.

Good morning, Dr. Bellows.

Major, where did you learn
to sing like that?

Oh, it's a gift.

I've heard you sing before,
but it didn't sound anything like this.

Well, you know what they say.
Practice makes perfect.

Major Nelson.

Do you mind letting me hear
that voice again?

- I'd rather not. The strain in the air-
- Just a few notes.

If you don't mind...

- Why not.
- Go on.

- Fantastic.
- I think you might say that, sir.

Well, anything I can do for you?

I had some forms for you to fill out...

...but with a voice like that,
you mustn't waste your time.

I'll see you later, major.

Fantastic.

What am I doing? Jeannie.

- Jeannie?
- Yes, master.

I'd like to speak to you.

- Yes, master.
- No.

- No, what?
- No, I'm not gonna be in that contest.

Oh, but you must.

How will I look
if some other genie's master wins?

Well, I doubt if that'll ever come up.
Now, just forget about the contest.

- If you say so, master.
- Oh, no, you don't.

Blink that voice away and promise not
to bring it back or I won't forgive you.

- But it's such a lovely voice-
- No, no, Jeannie. I'm not kidding.

- But- Please.
- No.

Very well, master.

I promise that you will not sing
like Caruso again.

Wait.

All right.

- And that makes you happier?
- No, it just makes me feel a lot safer.

Usually when you do these things,
I get into a lot of trouble.

Luckily, this time
there's been no trouble.

If you promise not to do it again
we'll forget about it.

Yes, master. Oh, master.
When will Major Healey return?

He ought to be back tomorrow.
Look at this.

Good. Then I will find out
when my birthday is.

Yeah, I've gotta get back to the base.
Would you clean up all this glass?

Certainly, master.

Thank you.

- I'll see you later.
- Bye-bye.

Goodbye.

Caruso?

Tony Nelson's got a voice
like Caruso?

That's right, general.
I heard it myself.

Well, that's hard to believe.

Well, general,
no one's more surprised than I am.

I don't know what happened,
but as you know...

- ... I'm somewhat of an opera buff.
- Yeah.

I'm telling you, Major Nelson has one
of the greatest voices I've ever heard.

And you think he ought to represent
Cape Kennedy on that TV show.

I've already entered him.
We can't lose.

Well, you ought to know.

Boy, I'd like to get that trophy.

It would look awful good
up on the mantel in the officers' club.

That's what I thought, general.

- What did Tony say?
- I haven't told him, but he'll be thrilled.

After all, it's quite an honour
to represent the space centre.

Yeah. I wanna see his face
when you tell him.

You entered me in what?

- Please, Tony.
- Oh, sir. I can't sing.

General, really, I can't.

I admire your modesty, major,
but in this case it's misplaced.

You have a voice that even Caruso
would've been proud of.

Yeah, he was. I mean you're gonna
have to find somebody else...

...to represent Cape Kennedy.

I thought you'd be proud
to be up there giving your all.

Well, that's just it,
it's not my all to give.

Major, you have the only voice
I've ever heard that shatters glass.

- He did that?
- More than once. I saw it.

It was an accident. Just an accident.

If I went out there,
I'd be singing under false pretences.

Why would you?

Well, I don't have a trained voice, sir.
I don't have any control over it.

Sometimes it works,
sometimes not.

Tony, I have my heart
set on this trophy.

Now you're gonna go in
and you're gonna win.

General, I-

I have this cold coming on.
It's gonna get worse.

We can't let that happen, can we.
You go home and take care of it.

I want you in good shape
for tomorrow night.

Yes, sir, I'll certainly try.

It's okay, thank you.

Oh, good, good, cold.

Master. Master, your dinner is ready.
Do you want-?

- What are you doing, master?
- Committing su1c1de.

- You could catch a cold like that.
- That's the idea.

You did not think
I would let you catch cold, did you?

You don't understand,
I'm trying to catch a cold.

I could not let you do that.

As long as I'm your genie, you are
going to remain in perfect health.

"And so,
my fellow members of Congress...

...I say that on this great
and glorious Fourth of July...

...we should commemorate
the magnificent pioneer spirits...

...of those who blazed
the trail for us...

...those who sent us
on the march to victory-"

Master?

Master, it's : in the morning.

- What are you doing?
- I'm just reading a little.

- Your voice sounds hoarse.
- Does it? Yeah, no, I feel fine.

- You go to bed.
- You sure you feel all right?

I never felt better in my life.

" In , when our brave forefathers
took this first magnificent step...

...towards liberty,
and went into battle...

...it was because they heard the voices
of the oppressed crying 'Help!"'

Help. Help. Help.

Jeannie.

- Good morning, master.
- Oh, good morning.

Did you sleep well?

As a matter of fact, I didn't.

I didn't close my eyes once
last night.

I spent the night
coming to a decision.

What decision was that, master?

Well, I decided that
since I can't get out of the contest...

...I might as well go in and win it.
That's nice.

Thank you, master.

As a matter of fact,
I enjoyed singing like Caruso.

Did you?

As a matter of fact, I think the trophy
ought to go right here.

Perhaps a nice vase
would be better, master.

Who needs a vase
when you have a trophy?

Oh, thank you.

Wouldn't Dr. Bellows
and General Peterson be surprised...

...if I sang like that tonight.

- Okay, go ahead.
- Go ahead?

Yeah, you know, blink in Caruso.

- No.
- No, what?

- No, master.
- Jeannie, I wanna sing like Caruso.

- Thou canst not.
- Who said I canst not?

You did. Remember?

I promised you'd never
sing like Caruso again.

You said if you did,
you'd never forgive me.

Jeannie, listen
to what I'm telling you.

- You're yelling.
- Yelling? This is a whisper-

If you want me, I'll be shopping.

- Shopping?
- In Baghdad.

Jeannie. Don't do this.

Jeannie! Now, come on.

Listen, you see-

Jeannie.

What is it?
When did you get back?

Couple of minutes ago.
What are you trying to do?

- I'm trying to break that.
- You can't break that?

- No.
- Would you like some help?

You think you could?

- Thanks.
- Forget it.

Where's Jeannie?
I'd like to tell her about her birthday.

- She went shopping.
- Shopping?

Yeah.

Why don't we get dressed up
and have a little celebration?

- I'm sorry. I'm busy tonight.
- Doing what?

- I think you better sit down.
- I don't want to.

I'm singing in the Air Force
contest tonight.

- You're singing-?
- That's right.

Why don't I sit down?

You're sing- You're singing
in a contest with your voice?

No, originally it was
somebody else's voice.

You may find this hard to believe,
but yesterday I sang like Caruso.

Now or when he was living?

- I'm serious. Jeannie.
- Jeannie?

You mean,
Jeannie gave you Caruso's voice?

Maybe she changed it back again.
Why don't you sing something.

All right.

I'm desperate, Roger.
If I don't sing tonight...

...General Peterson and Dr. Bellows
will think I'm letting them down.

And if you sing, you'll by lynched.

Do you realize about million people
are gonna be watching that show?

They'll laugh themselves to death.

Thanks, I needed a friend like you
to come back from the Arctic...

- ... and tell me really straight-
- Wait a minute.

You don't have to sing tonight.
You don't have to sing.

- I just solved your whole problem.
- What?

- Catch a cold.
- Catch a cold.

Catch cold. All you have to do
is take off your clothes...

...stand in front of an open window
with the fan on you...

...put your feet in a tub of ice water.

I'm out of ice cubes.
I've already tried it.

You're out of ice cubes
and you didn't catch cold.

Jeannie wouldn't let me.

Wait a minute.

- Are you lucky to have me for a friend.
- What?

Look at this. Just read out loud
at the top of your voice...

...and I guarantee you within one hour,
your throat will be-

- Cut.
- You tried it?

Tony, you got a problem.

Yes.

Oh, boy, why can't Jeannie
make you sing like Caruso again?

Because one of the greatest minds
of our time made her promise not to.

- Well, what do you do now?
- I don't know. I don't know.

Do I throw myself on the mercy
of General Peterson...

...or do I jump in front of a truck?

Jump in front of a truck.

- Seventy, , , .
- I feel guilty about this.

I should really give you odds.

Come in.

- Sorry. I didn't know you were busy.
- Oh, Tony. Come on in, Tony.

- We were just talking about you.
- Just talking about me?

This is General Brill
of Edwards Air Force Base.

- This is Major Nelson.
- Sir.

So this is the golden thrush.

- The golden-
- Yeah, I was telling him about you.

As a matter of fact,
I just bet a $ on you.

A hundred dollars?
A hundred dollars is nothing-

You're right.
You wanna make it ?

You're on.

I was telling General Brill
he's in for a big surprise tonight.

Yes.

You think we ought to give him
a little sample or save amm*nit*on?

I think we ought to save
our amm*nit*on.

Right. Excuse me, Tony.

Yeah. What? What?

Tell them if they're not able
to do the job properly...

...they're not fit to be representing
this command.

And I personally will see that they're
transferred to duties elsewhere!

Ah, Tony, my boy.
That trophy's gonna look wonderful...

...sitting up there on the mantel
in the officers' club.

Or else you're gonna have a very
unhappy general on your hands.

Well, if you gentlemen
will excuse me, please.

- Off to rehearse?
- No, sir, to find a truck.

I wonder why they didn't
ask me to sing?

- I wish they had.
- Hi. Have you heard from Jeannie yet?

No, but I've heard
from General Peterson.

Roge, we're gonna
have an accident tonight.

I think you've had
an accident already.

No, no, I mean,
we're gonna fake an accident.

We'll go up to the country club
for dinner, and on the way...

- ... we'll have a flat tire or bump a tree-
- Oh, I get it.

You don't have to show up
at the broadcast. Good thinking.

- That's right.
- One thing.

- What?
- We'll use your car.

- Oh, gentlemen.
- Hi.

- I'm glad I caught you.
- Caught us?

Yes. Have you made any plans
for dinner this evening?

Yes, we're going out
to the country club.

They're having a lot
of accidents on that road.

Why don't we have dinner together?

- The three of us?
- Yes.

- No, no.
- Roge.

Yes, then we'll go back to your house
with you while you change...

...and then we'll escort you
to the studio.

We wouldn't want anything to happen
to you tonight, would we?

- Come on.
- I'd just be in the way.

Now, Major Nelson, during rehearsal
I want you to- Major Nelson.

- Yes, sir.
- Hey, look at all this, anyway.

- I feel I'm in show business.
- Mr. Hennessy.

Just a moment.

- This is Major Nelson, Major Healey.
- Sir.

Mr. Hennessy
will be your accompanist.

- I was getting worried.
- Oh, I'm sorry we're late.

We had two flat tires
and almost hit a tree.

I'm afraid we aren't gonna have
any time to rehearse, major.

You probably don't have
my music anyway.

- Let's forget about-
- You told me he sang opera.

I can play the arias
from any opera ever written.

Wagner, Verdi, Bizet.
What would you like?

Do you know " Melancholy Baby"?

" Melancholy Baby"?

Good old Tony,
always kidding around.

We only have
a short amount of time.

Let's do " La Donna è Mobile"
from Rigoletto.

- Rigoletto?
- What key do you sing?

F. Or a C.

- F or C?
- G.

He has a fantastic range,
Mr. Hennessy.

I promise, this will be an experience
you'll never forget.

Well, come with me, major.

This is gonna be an experience
none of us will ever forget.

- What?
- Oh, nothing, sir.

Excuse me.

Major Healey.

I'm so happy to see you.

Really? It's nice to know
you've been missed.

Well, I've been dying to know
when my birthday is.

I bet you have.
Sorry about the delay.

It does not matter.
When is it, Major Healey?

- Remember I said the month was in-
- Major.

You'll just love your birthday.
It's on-

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
in just a moment we'll switch you...

...from Hickam Field in Hawaii
to Cape Kennedy in Florida...

...and Major Anthony Nelson.

They're getting ready for my master.

- This is your music.
- Yeah.

And now, watch for the red light
on that camera.

And that's the stage manager.
He'll give you your cue.

Listen, believe me, I'm not ready.
Honestly, I'm not.

Now, there's nothing
to be nervous about.

Let's hope I didn't break that.

There's nothing to be nervous about.

Look. You have an eight bar
introduction here.

- I'll be playing on the piano,
- Yeah.

- and you come in right there,
- Yeah.

and when you come in there,
you be sure to take that camera.

And then-

That's all right. I have another copy.

Jeannie, you've gotta do something.
Look at him.

- What can I do?
- Well, give him back Caruso's voice.

I want to, but I promised him
that I would not.

And now, to Cape Kennedy
and Major Anthony Nelson.

You've gotta help him.

- How can I? I gave him my word.
- Look at the poor devil.

- I can't watch.
- Poor Major Nelson.

How does he get himself
into these things?

- Major Healey.
- Yeah.

I promised him that he would not sing
like Caruso again.

- I know.
- But I did not promise...

...that he would not sing
like anyone else.

- Now.
- All right.

He's singing soprano.

I don't think that's right either.

That's the funniest thing
I ever heard in my whole life.

- I almost d*ed laughing.
- Major Healey, when is my birthday?

And the thing that breaks me up
is you won.

Yeah, I know.
What did it say on the trophy?

" For the most versatile voice
of the century. "

And my birthday?

You sang notes that haven't
even been invented before.

Sorry I couldn't bring the trophy home,
but General Peterson was adamant.

- He wanted it at the officers' club.
- That's all right. He may have it.

Major, please, when is my birthday?

- Oh, your birthday.
- Hey, when is her birthday?

Listen, I've got a clue. Only this time,
we're gonna play a game.

- We're gonna play charades.
- No, no.

First word is a long word.

April first. Your birthday's April first.

April first.
Oh, what a lovely birthday.

Jeannie, these are sharp.
I was only kidding.