02x19 - You Can't Arrest Me... I Don't Have a Driver's License

[bunniefuu]

I am ready, master.

Good, good.

- Shall we leave now?
- Leave for where?

Why did you do that, Jeannie?

Because you said that we were
going for a drive, and I am ready.

I love to ride in your car.

Oh, I'm sorry,
I can't take you for a drive today.

You promised.

I know I did, Jeannie. But I have
an awful lot of work to do. I'm-

Well, just it's very technical.

Would you mind giving
my papers back, huh?

Oh, well, thank you.

You- You are sure that you
cannot go for a drive today?

Yes, I'm- I'm positive.
Maybe tomorrow, huh?

It is such a pretty car.

Perhaps I could
go driving without you.

- Yeah. Yeah, why don't you do that.
- Thank you, master.

Jeannie! Jeannie! Jeannie!

Jeannie! Jeannie!

Hi, how are you, Dr. Bellows?
Are you all right, sir?

I was until I got on the street
where you live.

That was your car that I just saw...

...moving down the street
without a driver in it, wasn't it?

Yes. Well, I can explain-

Don't explain it, Major Nelson.

I'm gonna try to convince myself
that this never happened.

Well, drop in any time, sir.

Good morning, officer.
Is something wrong?

Do you know this is
a one-way street?

I was only going one way.

Very amusing. But you went through
a red light to get here.

Let me see your driver's license.

- My what?
- Your license to drive.

- Do you have one?
- Oh, yes, but it is a little old.

You mean it's expired?

To tell you the truth,
I would not be surprised.

Let's see it.

This is a license to drive a chariot.

Yes. I told you it was a little old.

Is this your car?

Oh, no, Major Nelson
let me borrow it.

- Here.
- Thank you. It is very pretty.

What do I do with it?

Bring it with you when you come
to court Monday morning.

Court? Oh, I do not think Major Nelson
would like it if I went to court.

You have a nice face.

I am sure you would not want to see
Major Nelson unhappy.

If you will forget about everything,
I will give you anything you wish.

Are you offering me money?

- If that is what you wish.
- How much?

- How much would you like?
- Ten dollars?

If that is what you want.

- "Attempted bribery, dollars. "
- Twenty dollars?

"Twenty dollars. "

All right, all right!

- May I go now?
- Not in this car you can't.

- But why not?
- Because this isn't a chariot.

You don't have a license, lady.

Well, what are you going to do
with the car?

I'm going to have it towed in.

Would you step out please.

You went down a one-way street
the wrong way.

Well, that is what the policeman said,
but the red light was so tiny-

And you went through a red light.

Yes, but it was not my fault.

And they towed the car away.

Yes, master, but otherwise
I had no problem at all.

Yeah.

Jeannie, you-

I gotta get my car back.

Well, have you-
Have you talked to the police yet?

I talked to the sergeant.

He said an officer named Anderson
gave Jeannie the ticket.

- Anderson.
- Don Anderson.

Don Anderson,
I've heard that name before.

He was written up in Theme magazine
for giving the most tickets in America.

Oh, that guy.
How did you get mixed up with him?

I didn't get mixed up with him.
Jeannie- What's the matter with you?

Dr. Bellows could get your car back.
He has the Air Force behind him.

No, he'd never do it. He'd say
I deserved what I was getting...

...by lending my car
to somebody who'd- Who'd-

Hey, wait a minute.

- I can get my car back within the hour.
- What do you mean?

- I know how to get him to do it for me.
- That should be easy.

Tell him that you
lent your car to a genie...

...who hasn't driven in years,
and she's a little rusty.

No, all I need to use
is a little psychology.

Guy finally gets a genie
and they take his car away.

I'm sorry I'm late
with these lab reports, sir.

I would have been sooner,
but I had to wait for a taxi.

Where's your car?

You mean the secret, experimental car
that you saw me in this morning?

Well, the police have it.
That's about it, sir.

I better get back to work.

Just a moment.

Yes, sir.

Did you say the police have it?

Yes, sir. They impounded it
for some minor traffic and violation.

It's nothing really important.

- Major Nelson.
- Yes, sir?

It's full of secret equipment, and you
let it fall into the hands of the police?

Well, really nothing I could do about it.
They just took it.

Well, they're not
gonna get away with that.

The name of the officer that
impounded it is named Don Anderson.

- Pretty tough guy.
- Tough?

- Yeah.
- So is the Air Force. Hello?

Get me the police commissioner.
You'll have your car back in an hour.

I don't think they'll give it back.
Don Anderson-

Won't he?
Well, we'll see about that.

I see.

I wasn't aware of that, sir.

Thank you, commissioner.

The Air Force appreciates it, sir.

Goodbye.

Well, you didn't give me all the facts
in the case, major.

- The facts, sir?
- You allowed a young lady...

...to drive this secret car of yours.

Oh, that. Yes, well-

This Officer Anderson,
who issued the summons...

...is objecting strenuously.

But because of
the m*llitary secrecy involved...

...the commissioner's agreed
to drop all the charges.

That's wonderful, sir.

- You certainly handled this brilliantly.
- Didn't I?

I don't know anyone who
could have done so well.

Well, after all, I am a psychiatrist.
We deal in all kinds of situations.

Those years of study have really
paid off. Well, I'll go pick up the car.

- Major.
- Yes?

I think this is the first time
I've ever had a snow job in July.

That's all, major.

Oh, he is back.

Oh, master.
Master, you got our car back.

Not our car. No, no, no, my car.

You're not to go near that car.

- You mean I cannot drive anymore?
- Yes, that's exactly what I mean.

Oh, but I love to drive.
It is more fun than a flying carpet.

You are not-
If you go near that car...

...I'm gonna get in a lot of trouble.

Well, I do not want you
to get into trouble.

That's a good girl.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Say, Jeannie,
how would you like a bicycle?

I am sorry I'm not
a better driver, master.

Oh, that's all right.

I am too stupid to learn.

No, you're not, it just-

Well, our laws are different.
It's not like driving in the old days.

You're right, master.
I could never learn to drive here.

Sure you could. It's easy.

It would take me
a hundred years to learn.

I could teach you in an hour,
just like that.

- Could you, master?
- Sure.

I am ready.

You are the most wonderful master
in the whole world.

But not the brightest.

All right, I'm gonna teach you
about intersections.

I want you to go back
to that one-way street.

I want to learn, master.

With me in the car,
there's nothing to worry about.

Okay, start her up.

Coming to the one-way street.
Turn left.

- Left.
- Right.

Right.

Jeannie, do you know
what you've done to me?

You've done it to me again.

- Hello, officer.
- Having a good time?

I'll just move it out of the way
right now, officer.

You were driving
from the wrong side of the car.

It's one of these car we use-

Wait a minute,
I've seen this car before-

Aren't you Major Anthony Nelson?

That's correct,
United States Air Force.

I've sure been anxious
to get your autograph.

Oh, I'd be glad to give it to you.

Violation of city ordinances
, and .

Here you are.
Please sign right there.

"Astronaut who found his way through
space gets lost on one-way street. "

Hi, Tony, I'm just reading about you.
You seen the front page yet?

I've seen it, Dr. Bellows has seen it,
and General Peterson has seen it-

- It's a good picture of you.
- What do you mean a good picture?

- I don't take pictures like that.
- Wait a minute. What happened?

I was teaching Jeannie to drive.
I should have my head examined.

I think you're going to.

- I've been looking for you.
- Yes, sir.

I've just had a meeting
with General Peterson about you.

- How is the general?
- The general is upset.

He just had a call from Washington
from General Burke.

General Burke is upset.

Well, if you ask me,
the whole thing's pretty funny.

Do you? The press has been
calling me all morning.

They're having quite a field day
with this little joke.

Is that right?
I'm sure they'll forget about it...

...as soon as you call the police-

General Peterson has asked me
not to call anyone.

You see, Officer Anderson,
who issued the ticket to your friend...

...is complaining that the Air Force
has exercised undue influence.

Sounds like a troublemaker to me.

General Peterson asked me to tell you
that, from now on, you're on your own.

- Do you understand, major?
- Yes, sir.

Nice picture of you, major.

And we'll be reading the newspapers
very closely.

You see? Even Dr. Bellows liked it.

Boy, listen to him, you'd think you'd
committed a m*rder or something.

All you did was go down
a one-way street the wrong way.

Hey, that's pretty funny when
you think about it. One-way street.

I just hope
the judge thinks it's that funny.

You shouldn't have had Dr. Bellows
fix that ticket. They're really mad now.

Listen, boy, when Officer Anderson
gets you in front of that court, he-

He's going to love you.

Why didn't I think about this before?
All you have to do is apologize.

- What are you talking about?
- Say sorry.

Have a nice man-to-man
talk with him.

I don't know. That doesn't sound
like it would work.

- You got nothing to lose.
- Yeah, I suppose it.

I could try. I could go to the station
and ask the sergeant if he could-

Don't go to the station.
That's too cold. Go to his house.

That's nice, friendly
and warm. And remember...

- ... be jolly nice.
- Be jolly nice.

- Officer Anderson?
- Yeah.

Hello, major.
What do you want?

I was just wondering if I could
talk to you a couple of minutes.

- Come on in.
- Thank you.

What can I do for you, major?

Frankly, I'd like to talk to you
about the summons you gave me.

- You would?
- Yeah.

- Just let me get a cigarette.
- Oh, of course.

- Sit down, major.
- Thank you.

Yes, I'm terribly sorry.

Say, you have quite a reputation.

You- I read the article
in Theme magazine last week...

...and it was excellent.
Really excellent.

Thank you.

You have quite a reputation
yourself.

Well, that's part of the reason
I wanted to talk to you.

Both being celebrities of a sort.

You mean you came to talk to me
about the ticket?

Yes. Yes, I'm- I'm-

Well, I wanted to apologize
for what happened.

You mean you admit
you were wrong.

Yes, I did make a mistake.

You violated the law.

Well, I don't want you to think
it was intentional. It-

- But you did.
- Yes. Yes, I did, and-

Now that I've said I'm sorry,
I feel much better for it.

I'm a serviceman myself.
I understand about duty.

Right. Well, I'll see you
in court on Monday.

Thank you. Well, it's certainly
been nice talking to you.

What a splendid-looking
young chap.

- Is this your son?
- My nephew.

Loves the space age.
Big fan of yours.

Oh, really. Say, I'll bet he'd like
a model of the X- .

Is that an offer?

Well, yes. Yes.

Thank you, if you would just
give me his address, I could-

- I beg your pardon.
- If you give me his address...

- ... I could have it sent to him.
- That won't be necessary, major.

- The offer is all I wanted to hear.
- Thank you.

- Nice boy.
- You just tried to bribe me.

- Hi.
- Hi, Roge.

Hi. Can I talk to you a minute?

I'm sorry, I'm kind of busy right now.
I'm going to court.

Well, that's what I'd like
to talk to you about.

- I'd go with you.
- What for?

Well, I thought maybe
I could be your lawyer.

- You don't have one, do you?
- I don't think I need a lawyer.

That's a mistake. You gotta have
somebody speak for you.

It's just a small, little case.
It's a traffic case.

There's nothing small
or simple in law.

What do you know about it anyhow?

Well, I studied pre-law
before I was an astronaut.

I could fix it up
so you wouldn't get a fine at all.

Hey, you did.
You had a whole year of law.

Well, if you can't help your best friend,
who can you help?

- That's right.
- We'll be out in two seconds.

- You'll be a lot better than me.
- Just let me do all the talking.

- Don't say anything.
- Yeah.

You've heard the facts of the case,
Mr. Zane.

What do you got to say about it?

I admit stealing fruits, Your Honour.

But I've been out of work four months
and have six kids at home to feed.

As soon as I get a job,
I'll pay it all back.

All right.

I'm sorry, but I have to give you
dollars or days.

However, I'll suspend that sentence
when restitution is made.

Don't worry about a thing.
Just leave it to me.

- The meaner they are, the better.
- Nothing flashy.

- Just leave it to me.
- Anthony Nelson.

That's us.

Your Honour,
I'm representing Major Nelson.

Is the arresting officer here?

Officer Anderson, Your Honour.

The defendant is charged...

...with going the wrong way
down a one-way street.

Sir, we plead guilty.
I'd like to pay the fine.

And attempting to bribe an officer
in the performance of his duty.

How do you plead?

- Bribe?
- Bribe.

A bribe. Bribe.

Sir, could I talk to my client
a couple minutes?

- One minute.
- One minute.

You didn't tell me anything about a
bribe. I'm not ready to handle bribes.

Roger, I promised- Wait a minute.

I promised to send his nephew
a model of the X- , that's all.

That's all? And he-

We'll fix him.

Your Honour, this whole thing
has become ridiculous.

I would hardly call an offer
of a model plane a bribe.

What do you have to say to that?

It wouldn't be an important bribe
to you or to me, Your Honour...

...but to a -year-old boy,
it would mean a lot.

And he was trying to reach me
through that little boy.

Gee, that's right.
I never thought of it that way.

How could you possibly do that
to a little boy?

If Officer Anderson's
going to take that attitude...

...my client and I are not
gonna plead guilty to anything.

Don't worry. They made a mistake.
They made me mad.

Since the defendant
denies all the charges...

...does the arresting officer
wish to offer evidence?

Yes, Your Honour. I was at the scene.

I saw Major Nelson
violating the ordinances cited.

- I object!
- Sit down.

Yes, sir.

For the record,
could you identify Major Nelson?

Certainly, Your Honour.

Major Nelson is right there.

And there.

There.

And there.

What are you talking about,
Officer Anderson?

Can you identify Major Nelson
or not?

My eyes are a little blurred,
Your Honour...

...but I would like to show the court
a motion picture I took...

...of Major Nelson's confession.

I think this will clear up any questions
the court may have of-

Bailiff, please.

Hello, major. Come on in.

Sit down here, major.

Did you see the look on Anderson's
face when he ran that film?

Yeah. Look, I don't want you
to be too amused...

- ... especially in front of Jeannie.
- Yeah, Jeannie.

Come on, cool it. Jeannie, would you
come out please?

Did it go well, master?

Oh, yes, yes, it just-
It went fine, Jeannie.

I don't want you to think that all police
officers are like Officer Anderson.

I do not, master.

Good. In the future,
just stay out of his way.

- I will, master.
- How about me in there, huh?

Was I pretty good?
Maybe I should have been a lawyer.

Yeah, sure.
Hey, you wanna stay for dinner?

No, no, no. I've gotta be going.

I'm having trouble with my car.
Can I use yours?

- Oh, sure.
- May I have the keys?

- Are you going driving, Major Healey?
- No, I'm going straight home.

I will drive you home.

Sure you will, yeah.

Jeannie. Jeannie! Hey, Jeannie!

Jeannie!

Hi, officer.

Watch it. Don't turn. Don't turn.
Don't turn.

Jeannie! Watch the left turn.