02x30 - My Master, the Swinging Bachelor

[bunniefuu]

Results of the medical tests
on the new astronauts...

...should be completed
by next week.

I think you're going to be
very pleased, general.

Yes, sir.

I'll get them to you
as soon as I have them.

Right. Goodbye, sir.

- What are you doing?
- Snooping, darling.

Amanda, that's privileged information
you're looking at.

That's what makes it
so interesting.

Oh, look.

Here's Major Nelson's chart.

Would you please put that down.

Darling, look.

Why, he's gained three pounds
in one month.

- So?
- Well, does he eat out very much?

No. He usually cooks at home.

Don't be silly, darling. No bachelor
gains weight on his own cooking.

And he always looks
so mysteriously satisfied.

Something very strange is going on
with your Major Nelson.

What do you think I've been trying
to tell you all this time?

Well, I think I know a way
to find out what it is.

Okay. Thanks.

- How was your flight, Major Nelson?
- Fine, sir.

- More tests next week.
- Ready any time you are.

- Are you free for dinner tonight?
- Yes, yes.

Mrs. Bellows and I
would like to dine with you.

- That's very kind of you.
- Shall we say : ?

- Seven's fine.
- Your house.

My house-

Dr. Bellows invited himself
for dinner tonight at your place?

- Yeah. He's looking for Jeannie.
- Don't let him come.

It's a trap. He's not hungry.
He's looking for Jeannie.

Wait a minute. You know,
and you're not gonna stop him?

Don't worry.
I'm giving a dinner party tonight.

Dr. Bellows and his wife
are coming.

I want you to come and bring a girl.

- But who are you gonna bring?
- Kathryn Golato.

Kathryn- You haven't seen her
in ages.

- Well, I'm seeing her tonight.
- But what about Jeannie...

...when she finds another girl
at your house?

Oh, don't worry about Jeannie.
She's gonna be busy tonight.

Jeannie?

Jeannie?

- Hello, master. You are home early.
- Yeah. Well, tonight's a big night.

Big night?

Remember you said you wanted
to see a play called:

Tales of the Arabian Nights?

- Yes
- Well, you have a front-row seat.

Oh, master!

- I'll let you drive the car tonight.
- You are going to let me drive-?

- You are not going with me?
- No, no. I'm afraid not.

Oh, but why?

Well, Dr. Bellows has given me
a lot of paperwork to do tonight.

- I don't want you to miss this.
- I do not mind.

I will keep you company this evening.
We'll see the play some other night.

It's just playing the one night.
I wouldn't want you to miss it.

I'll just be at home
doing a lot of dull paperwork.

Oh, master, you are sure
you would not mind if I went alone?

No. Your master insists upon it.

My master is such a sweet, darling...

...liar!

Jeannie, take it easy.

Why does Major Nelson wanna
get rid of me tonight?

He doesn't wanna get rid of you.

He wants you to see Arabian Nights.
It's about your own hometown.

He's trying to trick me,
but you will tell me the truth.

Me? Well, I am telling you the truth-

Jeannie, what are you doing?

Waiting for you to tell me why Major
Nelson does not want me around.

I did tell you.
You know that I would never lie-

You've gotta stop being suspicious.
I mean, that's not like you-

Jeannie, what are you doing to me?

I'm telling you the truth.
I would never lie to you.

I never lied to you in my life-

He doesn't want you
around tonight...

...because he's inviting Dr. Bellows
and his wife to dinner.

- Thank you, Major Healey.
- My pants. My pants. Don't forget-

Major Healey-

Dr. Bellows,
I'm getting ready for the big race.

You lied to me!

No. No I didn't, Jeannie.

I said I was gonna be busy tonight,
and I am.

- Having a dinner party.
- Who told you?

- It is true.
- No. It's not a dinner party.

It's Dr. Bellows, his wife,
Roger and a girlfriend...

- ... coming over for a little bite to eat.
- Please let me stay. I will hide.

I can't let you stay, Jeannie.

Mrs. Bellows is very suspicious.
She's coming here looking for trouble.

If you're here, she'll find it.

- But who will cook your dinner?
- I've hired a sweet little old lady.

Oh, well, no one can cook a meal
like I can, master.

Honest, don't worry about it. It's okay.

I will peek in and check and see
how she is doing.

No, really.
That's sweet of you, Jeannie.

But if you don't hurry,
you'll be late for that play.

- Very well, master.
- Good.

Thanks.

Jeannie?

Jeannie.

Kathryn.

- Did anyone come in here?
- No, darling.

- Were you expecting someone?
- No, no, no.

You'll never know how pleased I was
to see you after all these months.

- Why?
- Why?

Oh, I got hungry.

- Did you?
- Yeah.

You're one of the best cooks.

You know, I'm good at anything
I'm interested in.

Well, I don't wanna keep you
from your work.

I want this dinner to be
particularly smashing tonight.

It's going to be.

Well, I better go get dressed.

Hey, that's good spaghetti sauce.

Well, I better go get ready
for our guests.

- Hi, Tony
- Hi, Roge. Hello.

- I'm Pauline Abernathy.
- Very nice to meet you-

Ooh, hors d'oeuvres.

- She's all right, huh?
- Yeah. She's a skydiver.

I'm sorry about Jeannie.

I would have held out longer,
but I started to catch cold.

Everything worked out fine.

You got her to go
even after she knew?

- That's right.
- Oh, boy.

You should write
an encyclopaedia on women.

That's probably Dr. Bellows.
Hang on.

- Dr. Bellows.
- Good evening, Major Nelson.

You're a darling to have us over
on such short notice.

- Is this where I put my wrap?
- Amanda, you don't have a wrap.

Oh, of course.
How perfectly ridiculous of me.

I left my wrap in the car,
didn't I, dear?

- Amanda, shall we join the others?
- Oh, yes, yes.

Miss Abernathy, this is Mrs. Bellows
and Dr. Bellows.

- How do you do?
- Hello.

You must think we're terribly rude,
inviting ourselves over for dinner.

I simply had to see how a bachelor
was going to handle...

...a dinner party
on such short notice.

I have a friend that drops in,
from time to time, to cook for me.

I'd like to meet your friend.

Oh, would you? Kathryn?

- Yes?
- I'd like you to meet the Bellows.

Hi, Kathryn.

This is Kathryn Golato. Mrs. Bellows.

- How do you do?
- Dr. Bellows.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

So you're the girl
who's putting weight on our major?

- Putting weight?
- Yes.

She's one of the best cooks
in Cocoa Beach.

Yeah. Wait till you taste her cooking.

- What are we having?
- What Kathryn usually prepares.

- French dinner-
- Italian dinner.

An Italian dinner, French style.

- I better start getting things ready.
- Yes. Thank you.

- So that's the answer.
- The answer?

- Does she cook for you often, major?
- Oh, yes. All the time. All the time.

Tony, how do you turn on the oven?

Excuse me for just a moment,
please?

She always has a hard time
remembering how to turn it on.

Darling, my woman's
intuition tells me...

...we're going to be awfully glad
we came.

Terrific tomato juice.

Well, whatever she's cooking
out there sure smells good.

Wait till you taste it.

I've always loved
Italian-French cooking.

There you are. Oh, you all go ahead.
Don't wait for me.

It simply looks marvellous.

Well, you certainly gain a lot of weight
on food like this.

So much for a woman's intuition.

Good, good.

- Good. Real good.
- Thank you.

It is good, isn't it?

I don't know when I've tasted
anything like it.

I don't know either.

I'm sure of one thing.

What's that, my dear?

It'll teach you to pay
more attention to my intuition.

I'll get the dessert.

- Oh, could we have some water?
- Oh, yes.

I'd like some more water myself.

Yeah, wait till you see the soufflé.
It's as light as a feather.

- Tony, could you take this, please?
- Oh, yes.

- It's hot.
- Okay.

- I'll get the forks.
- All right.

Yes, sir, light as a feather.

Excuse me.

Jeannie, I know you're in here.
Come on out.

Do you know what you've done?
You've ruined me, that's what.

You did this deliberately, didn't you?

You can't have just everything
go right, can you?

You know what your problem is?
You're jealous.

And you're interfering-
Would you like a cup of coffee?

- Your stove is jealous and interfering?
- My stove-?

No. It's just an ordinary, everyday-
How about mock turtle soup?

In this house,
anything could be anything.

I'm sure you're not gaining
any weight on this food.

There's more here than meets the eye.
I'll find out what it is.

It's nothing really, sir.

Then how do you explain the fact
that you live here all alone...

- ... and gaining weight?
- Well, it's-

It's the desserts I eat.

I'm very big on desserts.

Now...

...shall we serve the other people?

Beautiful, isn't it?

Thank you.

This is the most delicious cake
I've ever tasted.

- It's fantastic.
- Delicious.

Well, I must warn you,
it's very fattening.

Who cares?

Major, I owe you an apology.

If I ate desserts like this,
I think I'd gain weight too.

There's no reason to apologize,
doctor. Everybody makes mistakes.

- I must have this recipe.
- I'd like it myself.

What do you mean?
You didn't bake it?

- No.
- It didn't come from any bakery.

Who baked it?

Oh, I baked it. I baked it.

Oh, major, how marvellous.

But, you know, there's a flavour in
there I can't quite identify. What is it?

Oh, I'm sorry.
This recipe has been passed on...

...from generation to generation
in my family.

If I disclosed it,
I would be breaking an oath.

I understand.

- Can I take a piece home with me?
- Oh, of course.

For my mommy.

For your mommy?

Oh, of course. Yes.

After dinner, would anyone like
to play bridge or poker?

Let's play jacks.

- Jacks?
- I wanna play jacks.

You wanna play jacks?

I don't wanna play jacks.
I wanna play tag.

I wanna play
Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

- Let's play Post Office.
- I want more cake! More cake!

Wait a minute. You're it, right?

Roger, see that the girls
get home all right.

- Okay. I loved your party, Tony. Bye.
- Bye-bye

Good night, Kathy!

Thank you for inviting me.
I had a real good time.

- I'm glad you could come.
- I am too. It was keen.

You'll be able to make it
home all right, won't you?

Sure. We just live down the block.
Well, we'll run all the way.

I'll race you home.

- The last one home is a dirty bird.
- I don't wanna race. I'm tired.

No wonder you're tired.

I saw you playing Spin the Bottle
with that rotten Kathy Golato.

Yeah? And I saw you playing
hopscotch with Roger Healey.

- I did not. I did not!
- You did too. You did too!

Jeannie.

Jeannie!

Send him in.

Dr. Bellows?

- Yes?
- I'm Charles Fakeling...

...with the National Bureau
of Pure Food and dr*gs.

Yes, Mr. Fakeling,
what can I do for you?

I'd like to ask you a few questions.

You do have a top security clearance,
don't you, doctor?

Of course.

Doctor, does your wife cook?

We eat out most of the time.

Do you like to cook?

Well, I barbecue occasionally, but-

- Well, I don't see any need-
- Do you like to bake?

- Bake?
- Cakes.

I never baked a cake in all my life.

Will you tell me what this is about?

A few days ago, your wife brought
a piece of cake into a laboratory...

- ... in Cocoa Beach to have analyzed.
- I know.

But I don't see what
that's gotta do with you.

She wanted to know
the ingredients so she could-

That's what brought me here, doctor.
One of the ingredients.

- I don't understand.
- We don't either. We can't identify it.

Surely our laboratory here
will help you out.

We tried them.

We also tried the lab at the CIA
and the FBl.

There's something very unusual
about this ingredient.

It doesn't respond
to any of our known tests.

That's incredible.

I'll tell you something
even more incredible:

A professor of Medicine at Harvard...

...thinks that this
unknown ingredient...

...is similar in molecular structure
to mepatharin.

Mepatharin?

I'm not familiar with it.

That project they're working on
to arrest old age?

- Of course.
- And that isn't all.

They think this substance will do
even more than that.

They think it will restore youth.

They think there's some kind
of property in it...

...that arrests deterioration.

Doctor, this could be one of the major
breakthroughs of our generation.

I want to know where
that substance came from.

So do I.

Now, come along.

I'm going to take you
to the one man who can tell us.

Come.

What's going on around-?
Jeannie, what are you doing now?

Oh, I'm cleaning the closet, master.

- I can see that.
- You're not using these old things.

- Look, my best squash racket.
- Oh, master, when was this taken?

- My graduation in high school.
- You were so handsome.

You have any pictures of yourself
when you were younger?

No, Jeannie. They're not-
My mother has them.

- I am sure that you were adorable.
- Yes, I'm sure-

I can just see you now.

Dressed in a cute little outfit
with a collar and a hat.

What?

Thanks, Jeannie.

- Yes?
- Oh, hello, Dr. Bellows.

Well...

Dr. Bellows, sit down here.
We'll discuss this rationally.

- Thank you.
- Believe me, sir...

...if I knew how to stop old age,
I'd tell you.

Major Nelson, look at yourself.
You look years younger.

Twenty years younger than what?

- Why are you dressed that way?
- Yes-

If you'll give us this formula,
you will be handsomely rewarded.

I'm prepared to offer you $ , ,
plus an equitable royalty arrangement.

Sir, I'm not interested in the money.

I'm not interested in the money, sir.
I would give it to you free, if I could.

- I just can't.
- Of course.

Shall we say $ , ,
plus a royalty arrangement?

Dr. Bellows,
would you explain to him.

Major Nelson, the ingredient
was in your cake.

Would you like to explain that?

I certainly would. But I can't.

My theory is, sir, that when
Mrs. Bellows took that piece of cake

...to have it analyzed
at the laboratory...

...one of the technicians accidentally
poured the ingredient...

- ... into the cake and-
- Major, you can do better than that.

We're wasting our time.

If you change your mind,
get in touch with me.

You could do your country
a great service.

Major, you-

You could do yourself
a big service too.

I wanna see you in my office
tomorrow morning.

Yes, sir.

- Jeannie!
- Yes, master.

Jeannie, I want you to bake me
a cake.

- A cake?
- Yeah.

You have had enough sweets
for one day.

What you need is a nice, hot bowl
of chicken soup.

- I don't want chicken soup.
- Chicken soup.

Jeannie...

...remember that cake
you baked for me?

- Yes?
- Bake me another one exactly like it.

- There's an ingredient in it that I need.
- Oh, which one?

I don't know which one.
It was your cake.

Oh, but you see, master,
I never follow a recipe.

I believe the best cooks
have an instinct.

If you follow a recipe,
it'll ruin everything.

It's very important you remember
every ingredient that went into it.

- It is?
- You see, without knowing...

...you discovered
the fountain of youth.

There was something in that cake
that made people young again.

Well, let's see.

- Was it the flour?
- I don't know.

Eggs? No, no, no.

- Wait a minute. I think I have it.
- I knew you wouldn't let me down.

- Does that look like it, master?
- Yes, it certainly does.

Hey, that is beautiful.
I'm gonna cut it up.

Jeannie, you're the best genie
a master ever had.

You know what this means?

Nobody is ever gonna get old again.

- How does it taste, master?
- Oh, no! No.

Jeannie!

Do something.