04x21 - Ted Baxter Meets Walter Cronkite

[bunniefuu]

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make it
all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
no need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Good evening. This is ted
baxter, and now here is the news.

Good evening.

This is ted baxter, and
now here is the news.

Good evening... Uh, come in.

Hi, ted. I'm sorry
I'm late. Hi, rhoda.

Oh, that's right. This is the first
time you've been to my dressing room.

Yeah. Would you like
me to show you around?

No, I don't think so.

Over here, I call this
my picture wall. Uh-huh.

"To one of the best darned
newsmen in the business.

Pope john xxiii"?

Yeah. That little
guy was really aces.

Ted, listen, I find that
picture a little hard to believe.

Why? Popes watch the news.

Over there's my game table.

Yes, I see. Chinese checkers,
monopoly, parcheesi.

I work hard and I
play hard, rhoda.

What do you say we get
to work now, ted, huh?

Right. I don't
have a lot of time.

Here. These are some
of the sketches...

That I made up for some
of the ads you want to run.

Come in. I want you to pick...

Here's the editorial for
tonight's show. Thanks.

Oh. Hi, kid.

I'm sorry. Excuse me. I didn't
mean to interrupt. I just...

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Anyway, this one here... I
think that the sunday paper...

Rhoda, what are you doing here?

What do you think two
physically attractive people...

Would be doing alone
in my dressing room?

Ted... I'm only kidding, rhoda.

Ted, never... Don't ever kid...

About a thing like that
ever, ever, ever again!

Do you understand? Do you?

Yeah. Yeah. Good.
Mary, we're working.

You're working? On what?

My campaign to win this year's teddy
awards as best newscaster in minneapolis.

Yeah. Ted paid me to
draw up some sketches,

You know, for ads for publicity.

I'm not taking any chances this
year. I'm gonna buy the award.

Ted, you can't bribe the judges.

Mary, I know you
can't bribe the judges.

I tried that last year.

But I figured out
finally how to win.

How are you going to do that?

Sit down. I'll
explain it to you.

Now, each year the television
people give out an award...

For the best newscaster in
minneapolis-st. Paul, right?

Right. But it's certainly
not based on talent.

If it were, I would've
won years ago.

No, mary. It's all a
popularity contest.

So this year I'm starting a
publicity campaign to win the award.

I'm going to take out ads. That's
what rhoda's helping me with.

I'm going to emcee
their annual dinner.

I'm going to throw
cocktail parties for them.

I'm going to visit hospitals,
old age homes, day care centers.

Every stupid thing I can
think of to win this thing.

I'm going to make
those guys love me.

And once you're beloved,
they have to give you the award.

And you're helping him?

Everybody has their price.

Mine's eight dollars an hour.

I've lost that award
six years in a row, mary.

I've learned my lesson. The
scales have fallen from my eyes.

This year it's
gonna be different.

I know I'm gonna win, because
I am a man with a vision.

You can't stop me. And
you can't stop a man...

Who you can't stop.

Ted, they stop you all the time.

They stop you every year.
Ted, don't build your hopes up.

The reason they're not
going to stop me this time...

Is because I'm a
man with a vision.

A man... With a vision.

I don't think anybody's left a
room like that since joan of arc.

In reply to that question, a white
horse "souse" announced today...

Excuse me. Make that a white
house source announced today...

And do you know he actually
expects to win the teddy award?

Oh, he says that every year.

No, murray. This year it's
different. You should have seen him.

He was like a... Like
a man possessed.

Well, I hope he's
not too possessed.

The only exorcist for ted
would be ronald mcdonald.

I'm serious. Look at him.

Murray, I'm telling you, there's
something different about him.

And now, my
friends, at this time,

Instead of my usual editorial,

I would like to lead us all in a
brief prayer for a better world.

What's he doing? I
think he's going to pray.

Murray, you'd
better tell mr. Grant.

For indeed, when we consider the
turmoil and unrest in the world today,

What would be a
more fitting way...

To end the news tonight
or any other night...

Than to plead with
the man upstairs?

- So...
- Mmm-hmm-hmm!

- Come in.
- Lou?

What is it?

Well, I hate to
tell you this, lou,

But somebody's got to tell
you, and it might as well be me.

- Tell me what?
- Well, you know how it is, lou.

Sometimes people confuse the guy who brings
the bad news with the bad news itself.

- You know what I mean?
- No.

Well, like, years from
now, it is possible...

That the only thing you'll remember
about this whole unfortunate incident...

Is the fact that I was the one
who brought it to your attention.

Murray, will you please
tell me what is going on?

- Promise me you won't
hold it against me.
- I promise. What is it?

Ted is praying on the air.

Now let us bow
our heads in prayer.

Heavenly father,
this is ted baxter.

We thank thee for thy blessings,

Which thou hast bestowed
upon this great nation.

And give us now thy spirit...

To inspire us in these most
difficult and perilous times.

Grant us thy protection,
thy guidance and thy love.

Amen. And thanks for listening.

Why is he praying? Did
the ratings come out?

Mr. Grant, I think it may
have something to do...

With his campaign to
win the teddy award.

Murray, go get father baxter...

And tell him I want
to see him right now.

Yeah. Right, lou. Mary,
I'm going to fire him.

You can't fire him.
Oh, no? Just watch me.

Mr. Grant, you can't fire a
man for praying on the air.

They'll get you for it.

You're right. Oh, he's shrewd.

We think he's stupid, but
he's smarter than all of us.

- What am I gonna do with him?
- Maybe if you just reason
with him, he won't do it again.

No, no, no, no. I'm
too angry to reason.

You'd better stay.
You reason with him.

When I get like this,
all I can do is k*ll.

- You wanted to see me, lou?
- Ted!

Uh, ted, I think mr. Grant
would like you to have a seat.

Ted, I'm going
to k*ll you. Um...

Ted, what mr. Grant is...
Is actually trying to say...

Is that, uh, he would prefer it if
you didn't pray on the news anymore.

Oh? Why is that, lou?

Ted, I'm going to k*ll you!

Ted, you see, there is a time
and a place for everything,

And the news is just not
the place for prayers.

Lou, you wouldn't want it to get
around town that you don't like god.

Ted, look, it isn't mr. Grant's
rule. It's... It's the station's rule.

And you don't want to see
mr. Grant get in trouble, do you?

Yeah. Okay. I'll
accept that. Okay, lou.

No more prayers. I promise.
Good, good, good, good, good.

Besides, I've got a better way
to end the news tomorrow.

I'll return a lost
dog to some little kid.

Yeah, that'll be
good for my image.

"Ted baxter reunites boy
with puppy." Right on the news.

- Where are you gonna
find the puppy?
- We'll steal it from a kid.

You handled yourself very
well, mr. Grant. Very well.

Why do I have to be the only one who
isn't going to be there when ted loses?

What's so great
about seeing ted lose?

Oh, andy, it's not
that it's so great.

It's just that, well,
you want to be there.

I mean, like, the first dinner
that ted lost... And I was there...

He was so depressed, he threatened
to throw himself on a shish kebab sword.

You're kidding. No, I'm not.

And last year, when he
lost again, he got so angry,

Mr. Grant had to pull ted's
tongue out of his throat...

To keep him from swallowing it.

It's true. And I am
not gonna be there!

I'll report back to you.

You'd better. Hi!

Hi, mary. Come on in.

Hey, lou. Get you guys a drink?

Yeah, please. Thanks.
Look at those two.

You guys look
really sharp. Sharp?

I hate these award
dinners. They stink.

There's only one thing I hate
worse than an award dinner,

And that's an award dinner where I have
to pull someone's tongue out of his throat.

Oh, and I'm not
going to be there!

- Where's marie?
- Uh, she won't come.

She refuses to
see ted lose again.

I, on the other hand,
look forward to it.

- Murray, you got her ticket?
- Yeah. You want to use it?

- Yes, I would, really. Be all right?
- Sure, rhoda.

I'm not gonna miss it.
Murray gave me marie's ticket.

You're not even dressed. I know, but
don't you have something I could get into?

♪ Tonight, tonight
won't be just any night ♪

Come on, everybody. Let's hurry.
I don't want to be late tonight.

That's like custer
saying, "come on, you guys,

Or we're gonna
miss the indians."

Just wait for me.
One second I'll be.

- Where is she going?
- Rhoda's going
to the dinner with us.

She's just gonna change.
Sure. Let her take her time.

Who cares if we miss
the award ceremony?

Who cares if my life is
wrecked? He doesn't mean that.

Actually, he'd be really
upset if his life was wrecked.

A lot of pressure
tonight, huh, georgette?

It's not always easy loving
a man who has a vision. Yeah.

Where is she? Will someone
tell me what we're waiting for?

- Rhoda, ted's going crazy here.
- I'll be just one minute.

Oh, sure. Let's
just wait for rhoda.

Better yet, let's forget about
the awards and stay here tonight.

That's incredible.
How did you do that?

And the winner for best
children's programming...

The magic lady show,
starring louise gradishaw.

We got one break tonight. They
didn't serve shish kebab on a sword.

Yeah. It's hard for
ted to commit su1c1de...

By throwing himself
on a broiled chicken.

- Mary, your category's next.
- Good luck, mary.

Thanks, georgette. You know,
mary, I just realized something.

If you win an award, it might
hurt my chances. I don't see how.

The judges may not want to
give wjm two awards. That's how.

And now, for best documentary.

A comet named kohoutek.
Jay rudnick, producer.

Chimps and what they can teach
us. Mary richards, producer.

- Good luck, mary.
- I hope you win.

Yeah, lots of luck, mary.

Tempest in a teapot dome.

Bob brennerman, producer.

And the winner is...

A comet named kohoutek.

Well, you can't
win 'em all, mary.

- Sorry.
- It was a lousy comet anyway, mary.

Sure.

All right. Enough of making
mary feel good. I'm next.

- And now,
for the best newscaster.
- This is it.

Ted baxter,

Six o'clock news, wjm.

Ross nelson, 6:00 report, wlnt.

And art clements,
the news at 6:00, wsrs.

And the winner is...
Please, please, let me win.

I'll do anything you
want. Just let me win.

Just this once, please!

Boy, they sure glued
this baby together.

Open it! Open it!

And the winner
is ted baxter, wjm.

Congratulations.

Congratulations, mr. Baxter.

Congratulations.
Congratulations.

Please.

Oh.

Well, as I stand here tonight,
I can't help but reflect...

On the fact that the
world is anxious for peace,

The doctors seek out
cures for diseases.

And that I couldn't care less,

'Cause I've got this!

That's how wonderful I feel!

See, you don't know. You really
don't know. You couldn't know.

I've waited so long...
For recognition.

Not even for
recognition. Just, uh,

One drop of approval,

A tiny little pat on the back.

I've gone so long with...
Without a kind word.

It all started in a
5,000-watt radio station...

In fresno, cali...
Cali... Cali... Cali...

Cali...

Yeah, it was some night.

You know, I've never heard a
grown man cry so hard and so long.

Yeah, I know. The microphone began
to rust. I didn't think he'd ever stop.

If it hadn't been for you,
lou, he might still be up there.

You don't think I slapped
him too hard, do you?

No. Mr. Grant, I think you
slapped him just right.

Hey, you know that spot
where ted was crying?

Nothing will ever
grow there again.

Did you ever see so
many tears in your life?

Once. When I told my mother I had
stopped saving myself for the right man.

♪♪

Break out the champagne,
mary. The drinks are on me.

Uh... Ted, I don't
have any champagne.

Oh. Well, then break
out the cream soda.

What a glorious night.

I love you, twin cities!

I love you, world!

Ted baxter loves you!

I love you all, my
friends, my coworkers,

Friends of my friends.

And my chick.

I love you all, and I
want you all to know...

That I won't forget you when
dame fortune calls tomorrow.

Perchance cbs will be looking
for a coanchorman for cronkite.

Perchance nbc will be looking for
a replacement for john chancellor.

Or perchance it's an ad agency
looking for a new ty-d-bol man.

But whatever the call, I
know it's going to happen.

I know it. You know why I know
it? Because I'm a man with a vision.

- Say, mary,
where's your tape recorder?
- In the desk. Why?

Hold this, sweetheart.
Don't let anybody touch it.

I want each of you who
are with me tonight...

To record your thoughts
at this historical moment.

It'll be like... Like...
Like my time capsule.

Years from now, I can dig
it up and know exactly...

What happened that fateful night
that destiny took me by the hand.

Too bad we can't keep
the tape and bury ted.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the night
that ted baxter won the teddy award,

And you are there.

First, let's talk to...

The associate producer
of wjm news, mary richards.

Ted, I don't want to. Tell us
exactly what you said to yourself...

The moment you heard that ted
baxter won his first teddy award.

The moment I heard?

Well, I guess I
said to myself, uh,

"Son of a g*n. The man
bought himself an award."

That's so touching. And now,

Let's talk to the producer...

Of wjm six o'clock
news, lou grant.

Will you say a few words to
our listening audience, lou?

I'm sorry I had to
slap you so hard.

Oh, lou. Lou, lou. All
right, ted. All right.

And now, let's hear
from this young lady.

Could you tell us,
how do you feel, please?

Well, when you won the
award, I was so proud...

And so glad that
you're successful...

And everyone
respects you so much,

But a little nervous that now
you've gotten to where you are,

You might not want someone
like me for your girlfriend.

That's just the kind
of thing I want to hear.

Thank you.

Ladies and
gentlemen, that was...

Candice bergen.

No calls, no telegrams,
no offers. Nothing.

I spent over $4,100 for
this thing, and nothing.

I could have bought a
lot of things for $4,100.

Right. You could have saved your
money till you could afford an oscar.

You know, sometimes I
don't believe I won anything.

Maybe it's all a dream.

It can't be a dream,
'cause I'm holding this.

Maybe I'm dreaming now.

Mary, tell me I'm not
dreaming. Tell me I really won.

Yes, ted, you won. You
won, you won. Thank you.

For a minute, I thought there was
something wrong with the old upstairs.

Mary, what's wrong?

I mean, everything's
the same. I won an award.

I mean, something
should be better.

I'll call my answering service.
Probably there's some calls.

Mary, come here.
Mary, you won't believe...

Who I think I just saw
coming down that hall.

Who? No, it's crazy.
It couldn't be him.

Murray, who? Look for
yourself. He was headed this way.

Murray, it's him!
What's he doing here?

I read in the paper that he was
gonna give a lecture at the university.

Maybe he knows
lou. Yes, he does.

Mr. Grant said they
met during the w*r.

Now, the big question is, where
do I sit so I'll get the best view...

Of this historic moment
when he and... Hmm... Meet?

Okay, okay. I'll
hold, I'll hold.

Excuse me. Could you tell me
where I could find lou grant?

Yeah, he's right in there.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- You can't go in there
without an appointment.
- Ted!

I think he's expecting me.

Walter! Lou!

Th... Th... That's
wa-wa-walter...

Cronkite. I thought you
said you were good friends.

I never said we
were good friends.

I only said that we never met.

Anyway, he came just like I said he
would. He wants me to work with him.

Ted, don't get your
hopes up too high.

He might be here
just to see mr. Grant.

Sure he's gonna see lou. He's got to
see lou. I'm still under contract here.

You don't think lou's gonna
stand in my way, do you?

Not a chance.

Oh, what a team we'll make!

Mary, I'd like you
to meet someone.

This is our associate producer,
mary richards. Walter cronkite.

Hello. How are you?
Oh, nice to meet you.

Really... Nice.

Nice, really.

And this is our head writer,
murray slaughter. Walter cronkite.

So nice to meet you.

Really... Nice.

This is our anchorman.

I never thought
I'd be saying this.

Ted baxter, walter cronkite.

It's an honor to meet
you, mr. Cronkite.

Call me walter.

So... So, uh, walt,
let's talk shop.

Say, uh, what...

What words do you have
trouble pronouncing?

Oh... Uh, I think we'd
better get going.

Did you catch my
award-winning newscast?

I'm afraid I didn't, no. I
remember most of it.

Good evening.
This is ted baxter.

Energy czar announces
economic crackdown.

This story and others after
this commercial message.

Uh, I think we'd better
be going, don't you?

And now, the sports.

In hockey, the north
stars, 3; the kings, 0.

I put that in there. Well,
what do you think, walt?

I think I'd better be
getting to the airport.

Oh, well, I'll go with you.

I'll give you the rest
of the news on the way.

I'm gonna get you for this.

Aw, murray, why couldn't
I have said something...

Entertaining and witty
when we were introduced?

Why couldn't I have said
something other than "nice"?

I must have said
"nice" 11 times.

I thought what you
said was terrific.

Maybe that's why I said
exactly the same thing.

Worst cab ride I ever took.

Ted did the news the whole time.

The cabdriver kept
trying to turn off his radio.

I don't understand it,
lou. I don't understand it.

I... I thought he wanted
me to go with him.

I thought he wanted me
to go to new york with him.

I'm sorry, ted. No one
wanted that more than I did.

But he told me I could
call him walter. I heard him.

Didn't you hear him say that?
Didn't he say I could call him walter?

Yes, ted. I didn't make that up.

Walter cronkite stood right here
and said, "you can call me walter."

- Didn't he say that?
- Yes, ted, he did. He said that. He did.

All right. That's a beginning. It's
a start. The seed's been planted.

He may not want me now, he may
not want me tomorrow, but you wait.

You'll see. He'll call me. I
know he's gonna call me.

You know why I know
he's gonna call me?

Because you're a
man with a vision?

No. Because I swiped his pipe.