04x22 - Lou's Second Date

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Mary Tyler Moore Show". Aired: September 19, 1970 – March 19, 1977.*

Moderator: hapsullivan

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Mary is a thirty-something single woman who settles in Minneapolis after breaking up with a boyfriend.
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04x22 - Lou's Second Date

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make it
all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
no need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Good morning, murr. Morning.

- [Loud sigh]
- hey, what's wrong?

Oh, I don't know, murray.
I just feel so tired.

- My bones ache.
- Maybe you're
catching something.

Oh, I hope not. I
hate being sick.

I hate lying in bed and
having your friends...

Bring you these
dumb word games...

That they wouldn't play with
you even if you were a well person.

Having people send
you these cards...

With pictures of little puppies that
have thermometers in their mouths, saying,

"Hope you're up real soon
wagging your little tail."

Murr, I just don't
want to be sick.

Listen, mar, I hope you're not,
but there is a bug going around.

Hi, g*ng. And here it is now.

All right, g*ng, give it to me
straight, and don't pull any punches.

Ted, don't say
something like that to me.

But, murr, I want your opinion.

What do you think of my hair?

You gotta be more specific, ted.

Uh, it is in a good location.

It's part of my new
youthful image.

Granted, I thought that, at
one time, white added dignity.

But now that I'm the
dean of commentators,

I think I can
dispense with that.

Yeah. I dispensed
with mine 15 years ago.

Ted, it really doesn't
look any different.

That's the beauty of this stuff.
You put a little dab on every day,

And, in seven days,
it turns jet black.

But... It's so gradual that
nobody notices the difference.

Mary, you gotta help me.

Sure, mr. Grant. I just
talked to the station manager.

He says I have to take
somebody to that formal dinner...

He's having for the
department heads tonight.

He says it makes people
uncomfortable if one guy goes stag.

Oh, well, mr. Grant, I tried to get
you a date a couple of months ago,

And you know what
a disaster that was.

Mary, I don't like this
any more than you do,

But I have to go and I
have to take somebody.

I think I can help you, lou.

No, thanks, ted. Let's see.

A girl for lou.
Babs. Deedee. Trixie.

Ted, how come some of those girls
have christmas seals next to their names?

Because he's too
cheap to buy gold stars.

Hey, look at that, lou.
Two and a half seals.

Hello, eunice?

This is ted baxter.

That's funny. She hung up.

I wonder how she knew
I was calling for you.

Mary, you must know someone.

Mr. Grant, don't you think
you should find your own date?

Mary, i... I don't know how
to do that sort of thing.

I haven't done that sort of
thing since before I married edie.

Things haven't changed, lou.
You do it the same way you did then.

Okay. Where's the
nearest victory canteen?

Listen, I'd like to help you,
but I don't know anybody.

Well, you're right, mary.

I won't ask you to find me a
date. Thank you, mr. Grant.

You can be my date.

Oh, mr. Grant, I don't think
that's such a good idea.

I mean, you're my boss. If we went
out, people might start talking.

Oh, come on, mary. Everybody
knows I don't like skinny girls.

Oh. Mr. Grant.

Don't you look nice?

- You're not dressed.
- I know.

Hey, listen, I don't wanna go to
this thing any more than you do.

But if we're late, we'll miss
the best part... The drinking.

Mr. Grant, I don't think I'm gonna
be able to go with you tonight.

Mary, you have to go tonight.
I have to take somebody.

But, mr. Grant, I think that I am
really coming down with something.

Something big.

Anyway, I talked to rhoda, and she said
that she would be happy to go with you.

Rhoda? I don't wanna
go with rhoda, mary.

But rhoda's a lot of fun. You
know? She's... She's a lot of laughs.

I don't wanna go with
someone who's fun.

I don't wanna go with
someone who's a lot of laughs.

I wanna go with you.

Mr. Grant, I'm sick. Look at me.

You look all
right to me. [Sighs]

Oh, all right. I'll
go with rhoda.

Oh, thank you, mr. Grant.
You'll have a great time.

Yeah. You will. You like rhoda.

- She dresses funny.
- No, she doesn't.

Well, what about the time when
we went to lunch together...

And she had on that t-shirt
that said, "I live to boogie"?

Mr. Grant, she won't wear
a funny t-shirt tonight.

I'm sorry you're not gonna be there.
They really have great food there.

[Moans] oysters
on the half shell.

[Groans]

Hi, lou.

Well, looks like it's
you and me tonight.

Yeah. Now, we don't
wanna be late, rhoda,

So why don't you run
upstairs and change?

Ted.

Ted, what happened to your hair?

What about my hair? I... I
don't know what you mean.

It's the same youthful
shade it's always been.

Oh. I just thought it was dirty.

Where's mary? She's sick.

Murray, do you think maybe we oughta
send her flowers? Yeah. I already did.

Why didn't you ask me? I
wanted to sign the card.

Why didn't you wait? I wanted
to send flowers to mary too.

I always wanna send
flowers, and I always forget.

Remember the nice girl in
personnel who had a baby?

I wanted to send her
flowers, and I forgot.

Then later, when she left
to get married, I forgot again.

Murray, I care a lot about mary,
and I wanna send her flowers.

Right, lou. So do i.

Tell you what. You arrange for
the flowers. I'll send the card.

- Oh, brother.
- Hi, lou.

Murray. Hi.

Oh, don't stop
talking on my account.

I'm not shocked by a little
good, earthy man talk.

[Chuckles]

So, go on.

What were you two
men talking about?

Flowers.

Yeah. Mary's home sick.
We're sending her some.

Oh, lou, may I make
a tiny suggestion?

Instead of flowers, why don't you brighten
mary's sickroom with a bowl of goldfish?

Goldfish? What does
she want with goldfish?

They're so practical.

Frolicking in their little bowl,
they're jolly, cheerful friends.

And then afterward,
when they're dead,

They make wonderful
fertilizer for her plants.

Anybody want half
a tuna sandwich?

Oh, uh, lou? Huh?

I, uh... I hear mary couldn't
make it to the party last night.

I wish I had known. I
could have helped you out.

I could have gone
with you. I took rhoda.

Oh. Oh, lou, how
lucky you were to...

Find a last-ditch alternative.

I had fun.

Yeah. In fact, I really
had a lot of fun.

Uh, listen, sue
ann, I think I'll...

Call mary and see
how she's feeling.

Well, look, I just, uh, called
to see how you were feeling...

And to see if you got the
flowers I told murray to send.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Uh, look, mary,

Have you, by any chance,
seen rhoda since, uh...

Oh, yes, mr. Grant. As a matter
of fact, she's sitting right here.

Yeah. She was saying that
she had a really good time too.

Yeah, yeah. She says that you're
some dancer for a man of your... Height.

Um, say, mary, uh,
do you think, uh...

I mean, you know
her pretty well, huh?

I mean, not that it matters.

Uh, I mean, it's no
big deal. But, uh... Uh...

Do you think she'd
go out with me again?

Uh, gee, mr. Grant, since
she's sitting right here,

Um, why don't you
ask her yourself?

Hi, lou. Oh, yeah. Me too.

It was a fun evening.
Great dinner. Yeah.

I loved having grapefruit
at night. It's so classy.

Oh, sure. Sure, anytime.

Oh, the hockey game
friday night sounds terrific.

No, no. Really, I
love hockey. Yeah.

Yeah. And as it happens, I'm
not doing anything friday night.

Yeah. Good, lou. You're on.

You got yourself a date. See ya.

Wow, rhoda.
Twice, huh? [Chuckling]

You'd better watch it, kid.
People will start talking.

Paul? This is rhoda.

Listen, I have to break
our date friday night.

♪♪ [Humming]

I'm surprised your, uh, friend
hasn't dropped in to help.

You mean rhoda? Oh,
she's been here all the time.

She has a date with
mr. Grant tonight.

Dear lou. He can't
say no to anyone.

My. Look how your wood
drinks up this polish...

As if it had been
thirsty for months.

Yeah. I... I probably don't
do it as often as I should.

Chairs are like people, mary.

They like to have their little
backs and legs rubbed with oil.

What about their little seats?

I'm back. Hello, sue ann. Hi.

- Rhoda, did you have
a good time?
- Oh, terrific.

Oh.

Mary, I brought you a
button from the game.

Ah. "Go, north
stars. Go." Thank you.

And a pizza from afterwards.

I don't think pizza has the
vitamins she needs, dear.

At least the button has iron.

- Mary, I really must fly.
- Sue ann, thank you
for everything.

Now, you be sure and
take good, good care.

Stay warm, avoid drafts,
get sun, force fluids,

Drain sinuses, inhale steam,

Eat roughage... No pizza...

And rest, rest, rest.

And then, every day, in every way,
you'll just get better and better.

That sounded like the
graduation speech at oral roberts.

Here you are. Ooh. Pepperoni.

I know it's your favorite. So, how
are you feeling, kid? Any better?

Yeah, pretty good, considering all the
home remedies sue ann has been giving me.

[Laughs] I bet she
didn't try the best.

My aunt miriam... Oh.

If all else fails, aunt miriam
said, "change your name."

- Change your name?
- I'm not kidding you. Change the name.

That way, the angel of
death cannot find you.

That's true.

You know, sue ann is really
jealous of your seeing mr. Grant.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, she's... Really
curious about the two of you.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, she just so obviously wanted
to know what happened tonight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, if she could
have found the words,

I'm sure she would have just
come right out and asked you.

- [Chuckling]
- she asked me, and I had to
tell her that I didn't know,

But that I was certain, that
when rhoda got ready to tell me,

That rhoda would tell me.

- It went fine, mar.
- Yeah?

Yeah. You know, he's such a relief
from the guys I've been going out with.

There's no pressure. There's
no unspoken questions.

I mean, he's a man
and I'm a woman,

But we can go out,
have a great time.

No big problem and no
questions... Asking yourself,

You know, like,
where is it leading?

Oh, yeah, right. 'Cause
that can be a drag.

I mean, with lou...
A guy like that...

You don't face that awkward moment
when the guy takes you to the door.

Lou leaves you at the curb.

Yeah.

Good morning, lou.
[Lilting] hello, murray.

Uh, lou? Uh, I hate to
spoil your good mood,

But marie wants me to ask you
to come over for dinner tonight.

Her sister is
visiting us... Again.

- Gee, murray. I... I can't.
- Good answer, lou.

No. Uh... Uh, tell marie thanks, but
I'm having dinner with rhoda tonight.

Well, you know, i, uh, really
think it's terrific about you two.

What is terrific?

The situation.

There's nothing going
on. There is no situation.

Oh, come on, lou. You and
rhoda have become an item.

Oh, come on, murray.

[Coughs] hiya, murray. Lou.

Say, lou, I hear you and
rhoda are going out again.

That's right. Well, i...

I know you don't
want my advice, lou,

But I've had a little
experience in this area, and i...

What is it, lou?

Oh. So-sorry, ted.

I'm just trying to visualize a situation
in which I would want your advice.

I just think a man
ought to act his age.

Ted. You shouldn't wear
those cheap hats in the rain.

I tell you, lou. Frankly, I think
you and rhoda are a mistake.

You're entitled to an
opinion, ted, but that's not it.

And I want that gook
out of your hair by lunch.

It's my personal hair, lou, and
what I do with it is my business.

And my life is personal, and
what I do with it is my business.

But, lou, a recently
separated man...

Seriously involved
with a single girl.

People are gonna talk
about... Ted. We're not involved.

We go out. We have fun.
We have a few laughs.

She likes hockey. She
likes an occasional beer.

- Sure, lou.
- There is nothing going on.

Good morning,
everybody. [All saying hellos]

- [Murray] hey, how are you?
- Oh, I'm good.

Really... Good. Good, good.

See, murr? She
didn't notice a thing.

So, how are you feeling?
Fine. You know, a little shaky.


I didn't feel like driving, so I
had rhoda drop me off. Mm-hmm.

So, what's going on?

Nothing.

There is nothing
going on. Nothing.

What's the matter
with him? [Door closes]

Lou's a little sensitive
about his thing with rhoda.

What thing? Murray, come on. I talked
to rhoda. The only thing that's going on...

Is that they went out a couple
of times and had some fun.

Sure, mar. Whatever you say.

Come on, mar. Everybody knows
that lou and rhoda are an item.

I was talking to my
mom about it last night.

You know what she said?
"There's no fool like an old fool."

'Cause one thing my
mom can't bear is a fool.

She did once, ted.

Will you two stop it? Really,
you're just a couple of gossips.

You're as bad as...
I don't know who.

Good morning, people. Yes, I do.

Welcome back, mary.
You're looking wonderful.

Thank you. Thank you. Remember, we
want to keep our newsroom healthy.

Now, if we could just
get lou back to his senses.

Sue ann. I think they
make a charming couple.

Murray, will you
stop saying that?

I don't blame rhoda.

Any single girl is
attracted to an older man.

[Clears throat] they are?

Of course. How else
do you account for...

The parade of chorus
girls and bosomy starlets...

On the arms of
silver-haired gentlemen?

Say, murray, if
anybody wants me,

I'll be in the makeup room
borrowing some shampoo.

Hi, all. Rhoda. Hiya, rhoda.

Mary, you left your
umbrella in the car. Oh.

I was afraid, if you went
outside, you'd get wet. Thank you.

Rhoda. Gossip may not bother
you, but others could get hurt.

What? Listen, rhoda, you
just stay and hang in there.

You can really lick
this thing. What thing?

Don't pay attention
to either one of them.

They don't know what
they're talking about.

Right. [Door opens]
[lou] oh, rhoda.

Hi. Listen, if you want to cancel
dinner this evening, I'll understand.

I don't want to cancel
dinner tonight. Neither do i.

But I can understand. I mean, I
don't care myself about... You know.

But maybe you do.
No, no. I don't care.

Good. I'll see you tonight. No,
of course not. Tonight, yeah.

Care about what? Mary?

Ted. Will you tell me what's
going on in this office?

What is the big secret
that I'm not in on?

It's hair coloring, rhoda.
I'm really an older man.

What?

[Knocking] come in.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Are you ready? Dinner
will be ready in five minutes.

Oh. Come on in.

I thought we were going out to
dinner. Don't you wanna go out?

You bought me so many dinners. I
thought I'd make dinner for you tonight.

Oh. Come on in.

Come in. No, i...

I thought we'd, uh, you
know, go out to dinner.

Lou, it's all made. Sit down.

You want...

Mmm. That's good.
Uh, you want a drink?

Yeah. I could use a drink.

Okay. I got, uh...

Mogen david
blackberry. You like that?

Uh, no. That's a little
too sweet for me.

Right. I like it myself. Yeah?

Sometimes I freeze
it and make popsicles.

Let me see here.

Now, wait. Here's a bottle
of something brown.

I'll take it. I'll take that.

Oh, listen, is "founded
in 1849" a good year?

Oh, one of the best.
Good. I'm glad I had it.

Uh, you know, uh... What?

This is the first time I've, uh,

Been alone with you,
uh, in your apartment.

No, it isn't, lou. Do you
remember mary's party,

When we came up here to escape
when ted started to sing "I gotta be me"?

Oh. That was the time.

Yeah. Well, anyway, it's, uh, the
first time I've been here since, uh,

You and I became an item.

An item? Who
thinks we're an item?

- Ted.
- [Chuckling] oh. Who cares?

The only man in the world who takes
the phone off the hook to watch yogi bear.

Who cares?

[Sighs] and sue ann.

Next.

- Murray.
- Yeah?

Yeah. Chuckles the clown.

Uncle oompah the polka prince.

I guess the only one who doesn't
think that we're an item is mary.

Well, thank heavens
for mary. Mm.

At least there's one
realistic person...

Who knows there's nothing
goin' on between us. Right.

I don't know if it's the scotch or
mary, but I'm feelin' a lot better.

Terrific. [Mary,
knocking] rhoda?

Come in, mar. Here are the
earrings you wanted to borrow.

Hi, mr. Grant. Hi, mary.

Listen, I won't be needing them.
Lou and I decided to stay in tonight.

Oh.

Oh, well, then, uh,

I'll just trot back down to my little
apartment and put the earrings away.

I have this little box
that I keep them in.

Unless you think you'd
maybe, uh, change your mind.

You wanna go out
after... [Stammering]

- Uh, do we?
- Mm-mm.

No. Then you have no
use for them up here.

Because it would be,
uh, silly to put them on.

Oh, mary, you wanna
stay and have dinner?

Come on. There's
plenty. No. No, thank you.

No, can't. Can't.
Really, no. Uh-uh.

I got a lot to do. I've
gotta, uh, yeah? What?

Put my earrings away.

Good-bye.

[Door opens, closes]

Did you get the feeling that
she was the... Tiniest bit ill at ease?

I've known mary for four years.

This is the first time she's been
unable to look me straight in the eye...

While discussing earrings.

I don't know. Rhoda.

Uh, is there something
going on between us...

That we don't know about?

I don't know.

Maybe we should just
stop and think about that.

Is there anything
going on between us?

Huh?

Lou, there's nothing.
I mean, nothing.

I didn't think so.

Then why is it suddenly
so complicated?

Yeah. This whole thing is getting
awfully complicated for a hockey game.

Boy, the minute something
nice starts to happen,

People come along
and louse it up for you.

Yeah. Everybody sure managed to
take the fun out of it, didn't they?

Lou, listen, I don't
mind gossip about me.

In fact, I used to start it.

But, see, you... Listen, you
gotta work with all those people.

So, maybe, you know?

Yeah.

But, listen, it's been swell.

Really fun.

Yeah. And...

And the heck of it
is, i... I really like you.

Aw.

And I really like
you too, lou. Really.

Oh.

[Murmurs]

Listen, I'll see you, huh?

Wh-what am I doin'?

The hell with what people think.

It's what we think that counts.

Right. Way to go,
lou. Way to go?

Yeah. I mean, it's
only this dumb gossip.

It shouldn't bother us. It's
ridiculous. No. It's not gonna bother us.

The north stars are meetin' the
rangers tomorrow night. Do you wanna go?

Do I wanna go? I don't
wanna miss that game.

Listen, I'll, uh... I'll pick
you up at the newsroom.

No, no. No, no. I'll, uh... I'll pick
you up here at the apartment.

Tell you what. Huh?

Let's just meet at the game.

Yeah.

[Laughing] yeah. Yeah.

Ah! Mr. Grant, I never thanked
you for the flowers and the card.

Well, actually,
ted sent the card.

- Oh, yes, I know.
- How?

Well, who else would send
a picture of ted inscribed,

"Thanks for watching,
and get well soon"?

Hi, lou. And mary. [Mary] hi.

Hi. Say, lou, now that you have
your life to yourself again,

I was wondering, uh...

Perhaps you and I could
get together tonight.

Oh, that... Terrific, sue ann.

Yeah. Tell you what. I'll
meet you right after work,

And we'll go over to the driving
range and hit a bucket of balls.

Oops.

Silly me. I'd love to.

But I just remembered I
have a big show tomorrow,

And... I have to go
bread-crumb my chicken parts.

[Mews]
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