06x03 - Mary's Father

[bunniefuu]

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Welcome back to
Talk of the Town.

I'm Ted Baxter chatting pleasantly
with Father Terrance Brian...

of Saint Dominic's Church.

Father, before we broke
for the commercial...

you said that your church was
located in the Edina District...

One of our wealthiest
neighborhoods. Yeah.

And yet, you told us the
attendance is good. That's right.

I don't get it. I mean, what do
rich people need to pray for?

I mean, they've got
everything, right, Father?

I guess sometimes they have to pray for
forgiveness for how they got everything.

[Laughs]

Well, now, that just
doesn't seem fair.

I mean, some poor guy's praying
for food, and he can't get through...

because some rich guy's there
ahead of him praying for a digital watch.

You know, the
kind with no hands.

Press a button, little numbers
light up if you wanna know the time.

Shockproof and waterproof.
Has a golden expansion band.

God, I'd like to
have one of those.

You mean like this one? Ooh.

Oh! That's a... That's a
gift from my parishioners.

I must admit, Ted,
sometimes I do think...

I'd be more useful working in
a less affluent neighborhood.

Well, why aren't you, Father? Well,
you remember what the Bible says, Ted...

How hard it is for a rich man
to enter the kingdom of heaven.

So in a way, I am
working for the underdog.

That's pretty good, Father.

If you weren't a priest, I'd
say you had a sense of humor.

Now then, Father, can
you shed a little light...

on the Edina community exchange
program you're involved in?

Well, we've arranged for youngsters
of different economic backgrounds...

to spend weekends at each
other's houses and, uh...

Well, we hope
it'll break down...

some of the suspicion and distrust
they have towards each other.

Oh. Now then, Father,

can you shed a little
light on the Edina

community exchange
program you're involved in?

Oh, whoops. I'm sorry,
but we just ran out of time.

Thank you for being
with us, Father Brian.

Next week, we'll meet another
fascinating person from our town...

Tree surgeon Virgil Davis.

I would've been a tree surgeon,
but I can't stand the sight of sap.

Well, this is Ted
Baxter saying...

good-bye and thank you
for watching Talk of the Town.

Okay. Thank you, everybody.

Hey! It was great working with
you, Father. You're a terrific guy.

And if you ever run for
cardinal, you got my vote.

Thank you so much for being
on the show. Oh, you're welcome.

I enjoyed it. Listen, that thing you're
doing with kids sounds really good.

I was thinking it might
make an interesting

documentary. I'd love
to talk to you about it.

Sure. If you're not doing anything
now, why don't we have a cup of coffee?

All right, good. Good.

And I want to apologize
for some of the questions

Ted asked. Sometimes
he gets carried away.

Oh, that's all right, Mary.
We're all God's creatures.

It just goes to show you that
even he can have an off day.

Hey, what you working on, Mar?
Oh, that show with Father Brian.

Mr. Grant really likes the idea.
If I can get the budget down,

he'll present it to
the station manager.

[Sighs] Say, Murray,
how about some lunch?

Oh, no, thanks, Ted. Uh, Ted.

On the documentary,
would you be willing to

work for a little less
than you normally do,

as a favor to me?

Oh, Mary. Mary, I got a sick
aunt who's got hospital bills.

I got a cousin who's out of work
and a mother who needs rent money.

Right. He doesn't give to them.
Why should he give to you?

Oh, well. Maybe Father Brian will
have some ideas when he gets here.

You two are having
lunch again? Mm-hmm.

Gee, Mary, that makes
three times this week.

Well, I can understand that. I used
to have a crush on the Flying Nun.

- Mary, you finish your budget?
- Yeah, just about.

I still have a few problems, but
I'm gonna have lunch... Say, Lou,

have you heard the latest?

Mary's dating a priest.

Ted, that's not funny. Father
Brian's a man of the cloth.

Yeah? So was Tarzan. You
know what a swinger he was.

Just a joke. A joke!

Oh, hiya, Father. Hi,
Murray, Ted. Mary, you ready?

Yeah, just about. Give
me one minute. Okay.

Hey, Father, great threads.

You know, I always thought
you priests had to wear that collar.

Oh, but that's silly. I mean,
you don't wear it in the shower.

[Chuckles] Or you don't play
tennis with it or at the beach.

No. If we did, we'd
get a funny tan, huh?

Hello there. Hi.

I'm Sue Ann Nivens.
Miss Sue Ann Nivens.

Terrance Brian. Well.

Tell me, Terrance. Are
you new here, I hope?

I'm just waiting for Mary.
We're going to lunch.

Oh. Lunch.

Dark place, candles, wine?

[Laughs] I'll bet that's
how you operate.

As a matter of fact, it is.

All set. Oh, I see you
two have met. Yeah.

Oh, yes. Not bad, Mary.

You must be doing something right,
although I'm damned if I know what it is.

Sue Ann, there's something
I don't think you understand.

This is Father Brian. He's
the priest at Saint Dominic's.

And I'm the queen of Romania.

Um, I'll explain. [Laughs]

I was almost 20 years old before I
made up my mind to go into the church.

For a long time, I was
trying to decide whether

I wanted to be a priest
or baseball player.

As a matter of fact, I played
two seasons of semipro ball. Oh.

Yeah. And then, uh,
one night I heard a voice...

telling me to give up baseball.

It was the manager of
the team. Oh. [Laughs]

Well, are you ready
to order, Father? Yeah.

What are we drinking today? Oh,
I think I'll just have a Virgin Mary.

[Laughing]

Uh, make that
a... A tomato juice.

One virgin tomato
juice. And for you, sir?

I'll have a martini.

[Murmurs, Laughs] Mary, listen.

You don't mind my being
dressed like this, do you?

Well, no. Not if you don't mind my
being dressed like this. Why would I mind?

Well, it's just that when
I'm wearing that collar,

there are a lot of things I can't
do without attracting attention.

- Like what?
- Well, for instance,
I can't go to R-rated movies.

I can't sit at the bar
and have a drink.

I can't even visit a sick friend without
the whole family saying, "This is it."

- Oh.
- Believe me, there are a lot
of things a priest can't do.

Well, I guess the church does...

No, it's not the
church, Mary. It's the

parishioners. They don't
want me to have any fun.

And then they go out
and have extra fun.

First they have theirs,
then they have mine.

Then they come to confession
and tell me what I missed.

That's really wonderful, though,
that you can joke about it like that.

I don't know, Mary. The church
is changing awful fast, you know.

I have a friend I
was in seminary with,

and the other day he
told me he'd met a woman,

fallen in love and was
leaving the priesthood.

He asked me what I thought.
I jumped on him pretty hard.

But then I started thinking, what
would I do if I were in his position?

I mean, it's not inconceivable that
someday I might meet a woman, fall in love.

I'm not sure I'd know
how to handle all that.

Oh, gosh. Here I am. We're having a great
chat, and I had to go and get serious.

I'm sorry. Oh, no,
no. It's all right really.

Listen, it's not every day a girl
gets a priest to confess to her.

Mary, you know
something? You're terrific.

Oh, thank you, Father.
No. Call me Terry.

All right, I will.

Hey, relax, Mar. They're
bound to approve the show.

No, Murr, it's not the
show I'm worried about.

Well, what is it? I don't know,
Murr. Call it woman's intuition...

or a gnawing feeling in my gut.

I'd rather call it
woman's intuition.

I don't know. Maybe...
It sounds crazy, I know,

but ever since Father Brian told me
about his friend leaving the priesthood...

Because he fell in love... I've
just had this nagging feeling...

that Father Brian's
attracted to me.

Nah, it's crazy.

No, it isn't, Murr. I mean,
I know I have certain...

I mean, men have told me...

Well, some men
have told me that I'm...

appealing, nice
to be with, sexy.

Who knows?

Oh, forget it, Mar.
A priest just doesn't

leave the church for
little things like that.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Mary.
- No. It's all right.

You're right. The more I think about it,
the more I realize he's a dedicated man.

Mary, the show's
approved. Go do it.

Oh, Mr. Grant, that's
wonderful. Thank you.

Well, wait a minute. Don't you wanna
tell me anything, give me any advice?

Yeah. Don't screw it up.

Right. Way to go,
Mar. Way to go.

Oh, thanks, Murr. I can't
wait to tell Father Brian.

You don't know how
excited he's gonna be.

Hello, Terry. Guess what.

Yeah, just a minute
ago. Isn't that wonderful?

Uh-huh.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

To-Tonight. My place. Sure.

Okay. Bye.

What is it, Mar?

He wants to postpone the show.

He's, uh, thinking of
leaving the priesthood.

Mary, will you stop pacing?
You're driving me crazy.

You're pacing
inside, aren't you?

I can't help it.

Okay, Mary, go on and pace.

Oh, thanks.

Anything wrong,
Mary? Yeah, Mr. Grant.

There is.

But I don't wanna bother you. I can
see you've got worries of your own.

That's right.

You know that picturesque lakefront
cottage I bought for my retirement?

Mm-hmm. My whole side of
the lake is covered with slime.

And yesterday, I
spilled spaghetti sauce...

on the most expensive
sport shirt I own.

The yellow one? The yellow one.

And to top it off,

my daughter thinks she's in love
with a Christmas tree salesman.

Well, Mr. Grant, I don't think I
will bother you with my problems.

It's something I should
work out myself anyway.

I just don't think
you can handle it.

Get in here.

What do you mean you
don't think I can handle it?

Oh, Mr. Grant, I do appreciate
your concern, but I just...

I just don't think it's something
you could understand.

Mary. When have I ever
not been understanding?

Have you ever had anything bother
you when you couldn't come to me, huh?

Your welfare's one of the most
important things in the world to me.

I'm on your side.

So tell me. I'll understand.

Well, Mr. Grant, I'm
afraid that Father Brian...

is thinking of leaving
the priesthood...

because he thinks
he's in love with me.

You oughta be
ashamed of yourself.

A priest? What'd
you do to him, Mary?

I didn't do anything. Oh,
you must've done something.

I don't understand you at all.

Why a priest? You're
an attractive woman.

You could have any man
you want... a doctor, a lawyer,

a Christmas tree salesman.

Now just look, Mr. Grant. I
spent some time with Father Brian,

but I did nothing that would lead him to
believe that we were anything but friends.

I enjoyed his company. I
tried to make him enjoy mine.

But I did nothing... repeat, nothing...
nothing of which I am ashamed.

I'm just sorry I brought the whole thing
up. You haven't been any help whatsoever.

Now, now, now, now,
now, now, you just hold on.

Just... Just hold on.

You came in here a
few moments ago...

like a confused,
scared, timid little kid.

And now, you're a
confident, secure woman,

completely in control
of the situation.

And you say I didn't help you?

Yeah, well, thanks, Mr. Grant.

Good night, Murr. Good
night. Oh, and good luck tonight.

Yeah, thanks. I'll need it. I tell you, I'm
so nervous I don't know what I'm doing.

Oh, say, Mary. You, uh, said
to remind you that tomorrow...

you wanted someone to paint my
dressing room and get that new chair in.

Yeah, right. Thanks, Ted.

Ted! I did not say that.

Does, too, know
what she's doing.

What's she so upset about?
Oh, Mary's seeing Father Brian.

Ah. Father Brian.

Love is a strange and wondrous
thing, you know, Murray.

It brings together such
totally different people.

What are you talking about, Ted?

Well, he's a priest.
She's a producer.

He's a man. She's a woman.

He's a Catholic.
She's a Christian.

Hello, fellas. Hiya, Father.

Father, couldn't
happen to a nicer priest.

[Murray] Hey, Mary just left.

Oh, well, I just wanted to apologize
to Lou for backing out of the show.

Is he in there? Oh, yeah.
Uh, look, Father, I've gotta run.

But before I do, uh... You
know, when I was first married,

I used to run right home
after work. [Chuckles]

And now 20 years
later, I still do.

The only difference is, uh, then I did
it because Marie and I were in love.

And now I do it because if I'm
late, she gives my dinner to the cat.

Think it over.

Oh, Lou. Oh. Hi, Father.

Listen, I just wanna
tell you how sorry I am

about, you know, dropping
out of the documentary.

Oh, no, no, no, no. That's
all right. That's all right.

Uh, why don't you sit down?

I can't. I'm meeting Mary. After that,
I got an appointment with my bishop.

So I'll see you later,
huh? Yeah, I'll, uh...

Uh, Father. Father. Uh, there's
a little story I'd like to tell you.

Uh, is it a long story,
Lou? Oh, no, no, no.

Believe me, I'll make it as brief
as I can. Okay, if it's important.

- Yeah, it's very important.
- All right. Well, where you going?

Oh, I gotta get a drink.

I can't tell you a story
like this without a drink.

Well, you're only gonna need one
glass. Why? You drink from the bottle?

No, I don't want any. Lou, you
said it wasn't gonna take too long.

That's right. It's just a
short, short little story.

Now, you see, when I was a kid,

about 12... 12 years old... Lou?

- Huh?
- Give me a hint. How old
are you when the story ends?

- You're making it longer.
- All right, all right. Sorry.

When I was a kid,
about 12 years old,

I used to pass by
this bicycle store every

day, and there was this
bicycle in the window.

It was beautiful. It
was red and silver.

It had hand brakes. Lou, I
believe you. The bike was beautiful.

I wanted that bike more
than anything in the world,

but we couldn't afford it.

However, my best friend, Pete,

his father got him that
same bike on his birthday.

That's an
interesting story, Lou.

It's not over yet. All right.

Now here's the thing. Two
days after Pete gets the bike,

he's riding along.

Beer barrel falls off a truck.

Peter hits it. Breaks both legs.

Hmm.

I wanted that bike real bad.

But I was better
off not getting it.

You see my point?

No, I don't.

Let me explain it.

Now, maybe you didn't understand because
I might've left out some important parts.

Lou, there couldn't have been
anything left out of that story.

You got 12 years old? Yeah.

Hand brakes? Beer
barrel, broken leg?

Broken leg, yeah. Oh.

What's the point?

Here's the point.

You shouldn't leave the
priesthood for any woman.

You get the point now?

That point I get.
That point is clear. Ah.

But that's not why
I'm thinking of leaving.

It's just that I... I can't continue
as long as I'm hounded by doubts.

Lou, these doubts go right to
the heart of why I became a priest.

I'm caught in a deep and
tormenting and agonizing moral crisis.

That's wonderful!

Georgette, forgive me for rushing
around like this while you're here.

It's just that I'm expecting
someone and I have to get ready.

That's okay, Mary. I didn't
come over to see you.

You didn't come over to see me?
No, I came over to stick by you.

Well, thanks, Georgette, but
why do I need to be stuck by?

Mary, Ted told me everything, and
I'm a hundred percent behind you.

Last night, I admit, I
had a moment of doubt.

I kept saying to myself,
"Mary is a terrific person,

"and she must have
a wonderful reason...

for tempting a man
away from God."

But I couldn't think of it.

Georgette, I am not
tempting him away.

I buy that.

I don't want him to
leave the priesthood.

I'm so relieved. I wouldn't
want other women...

calling my best friend
a church wrecker.

Mary, does he know
you're not tempting him?

Well, he will. I'm
gonna tell him tonight.

[Doorbell Rings] Oh.

Gee, I never knew anyone who
had to kiss off a priest before.

Hello. Father, come in. Hi.

Father, I'd like you to meet my friend
Georgette Franklin. This is Father Brian.

How do you do? Hello, Father.

I'd like to talk to
you sometime.

I'm thinking of converting.
I'd be happy to talk to you.

Thank you.

I thought I'd give him
something to stay in for.

Father, I wanna say something
to you. I know just what it is,

so I'm gonna just say it
very clearly and straight-out.

Sure.

Father, I'm...

really, uh, just
so very flattered...

that you like me, and, you
know, I really like you too.

But, see, I... I don't, um...

My feelings for you... I mean, if you are
thinking of leaving the priesthood for...

Mary, I'm not thinking of
leaving the priesthood for you.

You're not? No.

You mean there's someone else?

I'm not leaving for
anyone except me.

Oh!

Well, you see, I thought
when you told me

about your friend who
left the priesthood...

because he fell in love, well, I
thought that it might be that...

That you could have,
uh, fallen... [Chuckles]

into, uh, love. [Laughing]

Father, it's not that funny.

[Murmuring, Laughing]

Mary, that's hysterical.

Yes, I guess it is.

But, I mean, you know, I just...

I thought, you
know, it wasn't...

inconceivable, you know.

I mean, I'm not really
all that unattractive.

Father, would you please
stop laughing? Mary, I'm sorry.

I mean, it's just
so funny. Whew.

I was so tied up in my troubles,
you see, I didn't even notice you.

No. Well, no, that's
okay. I'm sorry. I really am.

Someone will come
along eventually.

That's okay. It's fine. No, Mary,
listen. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

You know, a lot of
people your age come to

me worried about meeting
someone, you know.

No, really, that's okay, Father.

Mary, we have some wonderful dancers
over there at the church, do you know?

Oh. We have an over-30s club.

No, it's really... okay.

Okay. Okay.

I'm sorry. I'll stop
trying to solve your

problems and start working
on mine, huh? Okay?

Okay. Okay.

- Would you like some coffee?
- No, thanks. I'd better go.

I'm gonna talk to the bishop about taking
some time off to think things through.

There's a kind of retreat the church
has set up for that kind of thing.

Well, you go there and you
do some really good thinking.

And then when you get back,
I wanna hear from you. Okay.

Oh, by the way, I know you're
really gonna like working...

with this priest who's
replacing me on the project.

Really good-looking guy,
6 foot 2, blond, blue eyes.

Get out. Right.

[Ted On TV] And so these 30 Twin
City youths go back to their own lives,

knowing as they
never did before...

how the other half lives.

Good night from your
reporter, Ted Bax...

[Man] Stay tuned
for Gilligan's Island.

A lady gorilla falls
in love with Gilligan.

Next on Channel 12.

So, Mr. Grant?

All right, Lou. Get
on the phone. Why?

- They cut us off!
- The show was over.

- My name wasn't over.
- Oh.

Ted, I worked over
a month on this show.

I would really like to hear
what people had to say about it.

Mr. Grant, what'd you
think? Honest opinion.

My honest opinion? Mm-hmm.

Considering the budget and
the other problems you had,

you did a pretty good job, Mary.

Thanks.

Pretty good script too, Murray.
Oh, thanks, Lou. Thanks.

- And, Ted...
- Yeah, Lou?

You were controlled
and dignified.

I think you were the best I
have ever seen you. Just great.

Boy, Lou, when you
drink, you're really nasty.

[Mews]