07x19 - Mary and the Sexagenarian

[bunniefuu]

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Good morning, guys!

Hello, hello? Anybody home?

Hello?

[Laughs]

Wee!

[Laughs]

I never could
resist a waxed floor.

Even as a kid. [Chuckles]

Ted, can't you do this at
home before you come in?

Well, yeah, I do. But
this is a much better floor.

- Oh.
- Except for that
little ridge there.

Oh? Other than that,
it's a piece of cake.

Oh, good. Good.

Lou, I always do things like
this when I'm bored. Uh-huh.

I mean, sometimes people
act nuts when they're bored.

Mm-hmm. Sometimes people
acts nuts when they're nuts.

Wanna know why I'm bored, Lou? It's
'cause the news has been so dull lately.

When are we gonna
get some exciting news?

Last three nights has been
nothing but human interest junk.

Ted, we can't report any exciting
news... [Teletypewriter Clattering]

unless something exciting
happens in the world.

And nothing very exciting
is happening lately.

Well, then why don't we
give them some old news?

"Flash: Germany has just
surrendered unconditionally."

Ted, that happened
over 30 years ago.

I know, but maybe people
would like to hear it again.

Mary, when are we gonna get
some exciting news to report?

Well, Ted, you may be in luck.
They've had some interesting progress...

on a medical research
project at the university.

- Seems they may be close
to a cure for the common cold.
- How close?

Well, they've cured over 80%
of the rats in the experiment.

I can just hear myself
reading that headline.

"Good news for rat lovers.

No longer do we
have to endure the

heartbreaking sound
of a rat with sniffles."

Thanks loads, Mary.

Excuse me. I'm looking
for Murray Slaughter.

Well, you've come to the
right place, but he's not in yet.

You can wait if you like. Oh,
thank you. I won't be in the way?

No, no. I'll try not to
even notice you're here.

Oh, I'm not sure I want
you to go that far. [Laughs]

Would you like to have
a seat? No, thanks.

I've been sitting in a plane for
weeks. Where have you been?

Florence, Cairo,
Copenhagen, Buffalo.

- Buffalo?
- I wanted to get in
some sightseeing.

- [Laughs]
- Buffalo's my home office.

- Oh. What do you do?
- I'm an international
financial consultant.

Oh. What do you do?

I'm a domestic news producer.

I'm Mary Richards. My pleasure.

Huh. Gee, you know,
I always thought...

if anyone ever really
did that to me, I'd laugh.

[Laughs] And I did.

I'm sorry, Mary. I've been abroad
for so long, I guess it was a*t*matic.

- No, it's okay.
- I'm Doug Booth.

How do you do?

I liked your way better.

Mary, I'm, uh... I'm
being presumptuous.

You know next to
nothing about me.

You're not the kind of woman that does
things on such incredibly short notice.

And now that I've anticipated every
objection you could possibly make,

how about having dinner
with me tomorrow night?

Well, I'm sorry. I
have other plans.

Oh. How could I
have missed that one?

How about tonight?

Well, tonight I'm having
dinner with Murray and his wife.

Unless you'd like to
make it a foursome.

- Sure. A foursome will be fine.
- Well, then it's a date, Mary.

It's a date, Doug. Oh!
Here's Murray now.

Murray! Dad!

[Murray] Hey, hey!

Gee, I don't know why that
club had to close so early.

Well, I think the band needed a
break to untune their instruments.

They were getting dangerously
close to the melody. [Laughs]

Besides, it was
getting a little late.

Yeah, but they stopped just as I was
catching on to that new dance of yours.

What's it called? The waltz.

The waltz. Two, three.
Two, three. [Laughs]

Oh, Doug, it was a wonderful
evening. It really was.

Well, you don't have to convince
me. I was there. [Chuckles]

And I had no idea there were so
many places to dance in Minneapolis.

Did you, Murray?

Weren't they right
behind us? I thought so.

Do you suppose they
went for a moonlight stroll?

Somehow I doubt that. Hmm.

Look, Marie,
they're still at it.

There you are. Well, we haven't
seen you two since the elevator.

[Laughs] Oh, Murray
and I are both stiff.

We haven't been
dancing for 10 years.

Wasn't it fun?
[Murray] Oh, yeah.

Fun. I think I strained
my trick ankle.

- Murray, I thought you always
said you had a trick knee.
- That's one of its tricks.

Then you'd better
sit down, put it up.

Can I get you anything?
Oh. no. Thanks, Mar.

If I had another drink, I'd be in
no condition to watch Marie drive.

How about you, Doug?
Would you like a brandy?

Sure. Let's have one
for the road. All right.

Hey, what time is it anyway,
Dad? Ah, it's only 3:30.

3:30? Marie, the babysitter!

Oh, relax, honey. I called
her and told her we'd be late.

How come you never
mentioned your father before?

I have, Mary. I... You've
heard me talk about my old man.

Oh, "old man." There. You see, it
was your choice of words that threw me.

Well, now, that's very nice, Mary,
but aren't you a little bit aware...

of the difference
in our ages? No.

- Ah, come on. How old do you think I am?
- Forty.

Oh! Murray is 42.

You married early.

- I hope you're gonna be
in town for a while.
- Well, I don't know how long.

- Can we see each other again?
- I'd like that.

Then I may linger
a long while. Good.

Look at that. Murray was always
so cute when he was asleep.

- Have you spent much time
in Minneapolis?
- Oh, I was raised here.

It's a wonderful city.
I'm anxious to show

you one of my favorite
places... Stockholm.

Have you ever seen
Stockholm in the spring?

- No. What's it like?
- Well, very much
like it is in the winter.

[Laughs] To Stockholm.

Skol. Uh!

Gosh.

Dad, we've got to
get you home to bed.

Oh, yes, yes. Way past
my bedtime. [Yawns]

Sorry to be such a party pooper.

Don't worry, Dad. None of
us is getting any younger.

Have a good night,
Mary. Good night.

Good night, Mary.
I'll call you tomorrow.

Come on, Dad, before
you fall asleep on your feet.

He's not so cute when
he's awake. Come on.

[Doorbell Rings]

Doug. I'm sorry to disturb you,
Mary, but I forgot something.

Oh, what'd you forget?

I forgot to leave my hat so I
could come back and do this.

You sneak.

Now, you watch out, Mary.

Next time, I might forget
my overcoat. [Laughs]

Oh, Mary, Marie wanted
me to invite you over tonight.

We're gonna have a
little get-together for Dad.

Well, as a matter of fact...

Ah, it's okay, Mary.
You don't have to accept.

We're just gonna have some
family and some old friends.

No, no. Murray, I'm coming
anyway. Doug asked me this morning.

Oh, hey, well, that's very nice
of you, Mary. It's my pleasure.

Hey, listen. I want to tell you how
much I appreciate you going out with Dad.

It really means a
lot to the old guy.

Gee, Murr. Every time
you talk about your father,

you make him sound
like Kris Kringle.

He looks and acts a lot
younger than he is, you know.

In fact, I was shocked when
you told me he's your father.

When I told you? You didn't know it
when you agreed to go out with him?

No. I mean, you have
different last names.

I didn't know your
mother had married twice.

If you didn't know he was my
father, why did you go out with him?

Because he's a charming
and attractive man.

And because I like him
and enjoy his company.

That's the most disgusting
thing I ever heard!

Murray, what's so disgusting
about my going out with your father?

Look, the thought of you
two together is just ridiculous.

Gee, I've never seen you
so upset over something so...

Mary, my father is 68 years old. Now,
that makes him 30 years older than you are.

Well, to me, Murray, age is irrelevant,
insignificant and completely unimportant.

And he's 31 years older.

I just can't believe
that you're serious.

I mean, I've heard of
May/December romances, but, uh,

you two wouldn't be
on the same calendar.

Murray, I have had
some of the best times

with your father that I
have had with any man.

Whoa-ho! You don't have to
tell me my father's a fun date.

He used to take me and my
little pals to the circus every year.

Oh, in case you're interested,
he gives a terrific piggyback ride.

Murray, any man who is that
vital, dynamic and energetic...

at 3:00 in the morning
shouldn't be put out to pasture.

Not while I'm riding herd.

Well, I'm sorry if I
interrupted something.

Lou was kind enough to
take me for a test drive...

in a new car I'm
thinking of buying.

What kind of a car, Sue Ann?

Well, actually, it's a van.

It's a... It's a customized,
lavender number...

with retractable headlights and
little pink hearts all over the rear end.

Sounds just like the dress
you wore to the Christmas party.

My headlights
aren't retractable.

Anyway...

It's a terrific van.
It's so roomy.

If I had to, I could
put a bed in it.

If you had to, you could
put a bed on a motorcycle.

Murray. [Laughing]

Murray, Murray.

I understand your
dad's in town. Yeah.

Does his forehead go
back to his ankles too?

My father happens to be a
great-looking guy, Sue Ann.

Ask Mary. It's true.

As a matter of fact,
Mary is dating him.

What? Oh, yeah?

Well, we've only known
each other a couple of days,

but, uh, yes, I-I'm
going out with him.

- Well, how old is he?
- Well, I don't know. He's...

He's a sexagenarian.

Has a lovely ring to it.

You're dating a man in his 60s?

Gee, I didn't know you were
interested in old guys, Mary. Hey!

You want me to see what
my dad's doing this weekend?

That's so very
amusing, Mr. Grant.

Aw, I'm sorry, Mary.
Just-Just a little joke.

Nothing wrong
with a relationship...

between an older man
and a younger woman.

As a matter of fact, this could
turn out to be good for me. How?

Well, Murray's been
refusing to work late.

If you get serious with
his father and get married,

when he refuses to work
late, I'll get you to talk to him.

How could he say
no to his mommy?

[Laughing]

Gee, it's nice that my life
provides such fun for you people.

Ah, come on, Mary. You know I'm
just kidding. You know I don't think that.

I respect your
judgment in this matter.

Thank you.

And, Murray? Hmm?

- You can give your father
a message from me.
- What is it, Lou?

[Chortling]

Mary, never you mind
what anybody says.

If you're attracted to this man,
you go right on and go out with him,

no matter how old he is.

Of course, you may not get
much action, but then you never did.

You know, I'm glad
you're coming tonight, Mar.

It'll give you a chance to meet
Dad's friends and relatives.

And it'll give me a chance to discuss
this problem with you and Dad together.

Problem? What
problem? [Sighing] Oh.

There's no problem, Ted.

If you must know, Murray's
upset because I'm dating his father,

who's a good deal
older than I am.

Everyone else has made
some snide, cynical remark.

Now it's your turn.
Take your sh*t, Ted.

I don't see anything wrong with
it. Makes perfect sense to me.

That one hurt.

Yeah, they're terrific nuts. I know
you're gonna love 'em. [Doorbell Rings]

Oh, here. Help yourselves.
There are plenty more.

Hi. Everybody's been
asking for you. Hi.

Let me take your coats.

Hello, Marie. Hi, Mary.

There are people here I
haven't seen since the w*r.

And don't ask me which
w*r. [Both Chuckle]

- Isn't it great
to see them all again?
- No.

- Tough. Come on, Dad.
- Afraid you'll have
to excuse us, Mary.

All right. Well, uh, why don't
I introduce you around, huh?

Okay. Oh, Ronny.

This is Mary Richards.
Ronny Williams.

[Mary] How do you do? Mary.

Ronny and Dad used
to be business partners.

They ran a men's
store in Chicago.

Yes, it was a real
nice operation.

Too bad we had to give it
up. [Mary] What happened?

- The Depression.
- Of 1929.

I know when the
Depression was, Murray.

We had no one to
blame but ourselves.

Doug and I both
voted Republican in '28.

Hey, just think, Mary. You're
probably the only girl on your block...

with a boyfriend who
voted for Herbert Hoover.

- Boyfriend?
- Well, actually...

Yeah, Mary's, uh, out
with Dad tonight, Ron.

Well, I'll have to go and give
Doug my hearty congratulations.

I guess he's got a lot more
money than I thought he had.

[Laughing]

[Mock Laughing]

Well, uh, how do you
like the party so far, Mar?

Don't think I don't see
what you're doing, Murr.

I'm only trying to be
a gracious host, Mary.

Hey, let's go meet
some more people, huh?

Murray. Ah, hiya, Joe.

Hi. Hey, did your dad get
here? Uh, yeah, he's over there.

Oh, Joe, have you met Mary?

Mary's Dad's date
for tonight. Aw!

Hello, Mary. Hi.

Yeah. Um... Mary,
this is Helen Holloway.

[Loudly] Helen, this is
Mary Richards. Oh, yes.

How do you do?
So nice to meet you.

Mary is Dad's date
for the evening, Helen.

Oh, that's nice, isn't it?

Helen and Dad used
to go together too.

Yes. For about a year.

But we had to break up because
my parents didn't approve...

of my going out
with an older man.

Well, it was very nice
meeting you, Helen.

It was nice meeting you
too... [Giggles] jailbait.

Hi, Mr. Grant. Are you
enjoying yourself, Mary?

So-so.

Want me to fix
you a little drink?

Yeah, sure, some
bourbon on the rocks.

Okay. How about Old Grand-Dad?

I don't know what he's having!

I'm sorry, Mr. Grant. I just...

I don't know how much
more of this I can take.

What's the matter?
What's the matter?

Haven't you been listening? All these
people, all they can talk about is age.

Oh, I didn't know this
meant that much to you.

Well, it must. Otherwise,
why would I be so furious?

It's just so frustrating
having to take it.

Well, why do you
have to take it?

Oh, come on. What am I gonna do?

Well, you can walk into the middle of this
room and tell people what's on your mind.

Well, you know I couldn't
do anything like that.

Okay, then you better
stop going out with him,

because you're gonna keep getting this
from people until you straighten 'em out.

You're right.

And it's not only for yourself.

It's for Doug. He's the butt
of all these jokes too, isn't he?

Shouldn't someone stand
up for him, don't you think?

Mm-hmm. Hmm?

Uh... Ex-Excuse me, everybody.
Could I please have your attention?

Everybody? Um...

For those of you
who don't know me,

my name is Mary
Richards, and I...

don't know what I'm doing in
the middle of a living room...

about to tell off
people I hardly know.

What'd you say?

I said, my name is Mary Richards,
for those of you who don't know me,

and I don't know what I'm doing
in the middle of a living room...

Oh, I see. about to tell
off people I hardly know.

I happen to be
Doug's date tonight.

And if the difference in our
ages shocks or bothers...

or bugs any of you, well, then
that's your problem, but it's not ours.

We're gonna keep going out
together just as often as we like.

And right now, I think
we'd like to leave.

Doug, will you please
take me to the home?

Uh, home.

I just couldn't believe I was
actually doing it, you know?

I mean, I was...
I was terrified,

but now that it's
over, I feel so good.

I'm glad, Mary. People never have
that attitude about ages in Europe.

Right, right, but they
have the attitude here,

and the important thing is that I was
able to do something about it, you know?

And that's so unusual for me,
Doug. I never do things like that, ever.

You're a remarkable woman.
Did you see their faces?

Oh, yes, yes, I did. I think I really
got my point across, don't you?

- Oh, yes, and then some.
- [Doorbell Rings]

Murray. Hi.

Uh, look, I-I won't stay long.

I... just came to apologize.

What you said
tonight was very true,

and you're looking
at the worst offender.

I'm glad you let
me have it, Mary.

Thanks, Murr.

Dad. [Chuckles]

Forget it, Son. No harm done.

I'm sorry I misbehaved, Dad.

And I'll understand
if you ground me.

Good night, Mary. Good night.

Well, this is
incredible. [Laughs]

The one time I lose my temper,
everything comes out perfectly. [Laughs]

Could turn me
into a real hothead.

Marvelous what's
happened. It really is.

You know something? I may just take
you up on that date to go to Stockholm.

Oh... Oh, Mary.

What?

Well, it's just that you're making
what I have to say much harder.

What you... have to say?

Sit down, Mary.

Why?

Just do, please. Aw, no.

No, you're not gonna... Yes,
yes, there's another woman.

Aw, no!

I met her in London last year,
and I spent the summer with her.

[Exhales] I thought it was
all over, but she called today,

And just talking to her made me
realize how well our lives fit together.

I wanted to tell you before the
party, but I just didn't get a chance.

I just gave the Sermon on the Mount
back there, and you're dumping me.

Mary, we've only been
out twice. I know. I know.

Well, I hope to see
you again sometime.

Sure.

You call me the next
time you're in Minneapolis.

- Oh, I certainly will.
- And I'll call you
the next time I'm in Zurich.

Thanks for everything, Mary.

Thank you, Doug.

Bye.

Doug. Um, this is going
to seem a little odd...

after the stand I
took back there,

but... how old is she?

- Thirty-seven.
- Thirty-seven?

Yes. My age.

- Born in 1939?
- That's right.

What month? Uh, March.

Ah. I was born in April.

- Which makes it all
pretty clear.
- What's that?

You obviously want a
woman closer to your own age.

Doug?

Don't forget your hat. Oh.

I'm really sorry, Mary.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

You old coot.

[Knocking] Come in.

Here's tonight's
rundown, Mr. Grant.

Oh, good.

Mr. Grant, I need
someone to talk to.

Doug and I broke up.

Oh.

That age thing was a little
too much for you after all, huh?

Well, I guess. I
mean, yeah, sure,

there was the age
thing, and... Yeah?

Well, what with his going
back to Europe... Mm-hmm.

To be with another woman, I, uh,

just thought it was best
to call a halt to things.

The old guy dropped
ya, huh? [Chuckles]

Well, it's nice to know what
you find amusing, Mr. Grant.

Yeah, well... I cut my finger
in the kitchen yesterday.

It bled a lot. You like that?

Not as much as the
old guy dropping ya.

[Chuckling] I'm
sorry I bothered.

No, no, no. Come... Come
on. Come on. Come on, Mary.

What did you want to say?

Well, I'd just like to think that when
you have these experiences in life,

you can learn something
from them, you know?

And I was up a
couple hours last night,

Mr. Grant, and I can't
learn anything from this.

I... was wondering if you
could help me sort it out.

Sure. Sure.

Let's review it.

You met... a very old man.

And because you liked him,

you risked the
gossip and small talk...

and opened your heart to him.

And then suddenly
he hops a plane...

and picks up where he left
off with some other woman.

What can we learn from this?

- Um...
- Mary.

Even though it didn't
work out, Mm-hmm?

It's the experience
itself that's valuable.

No, that's not it.

Okay, um... Hmm?

In spite of the fact
that it ended abruptly,

Mm-hmm? I got to know
another human being.

- Mm-hmm.
- And you're never the loser...

when you meet someone special.

Nuh-uh. Well, it makes sense.

No, no, no. No, no.
Here it is. Here it is.

You take two very
different people. Uh-huh.

Different backgrounds.
Different outlooks.

Right, right. One more than
30 years older than the other.

You bring them together.

And with all the
odds against it...

Even though the
whole world ridicules it...

It can still turn out to be...

an utterly worthless experience.

- Thank you.
- [Murmurs]

[Mews]